


Life After Near Death

by Rhov



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst and Tragedy, Awkward Dates, Awkward Kissing, Awkward Sexual Situations, Bathing/Washing, Biting, Blood Kink, Blood and Gore, Character Death In Dream, Cliffhangers, Coma, Coming In Pants, Coming Out, Couch Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dream Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Relationships, F/M, Face-Fucking, Finger Sucking, First Time Blow Jobs, Foot Massage, Forest Sex, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Hickeys, Hip Biting, Homoeroticism, Homophobic Language, Hospitalization, Indirect Kiss, Jealousy, Kissing an Unconscious Person, Library Sex, Loke and Catnip, Love Bites, Love Confessions, M/M, Makeup Sex, Marking, Masturbation, Masturbation in Bathroom, Masturbation in Shower, Morning Sex, Morning Wood, Mutual Masturbation, Near Death Experiences, Neck Kissing, Non-Consensual Kissing, Non-Consensual Touching, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Prostitution, Public Masturbation, Rough Kissing, Scent Kink, Self-Sacrifice, Shower Sex, Sleeptalking, Sloppy Makeouts, Smelling Underwear, Suicide Attempt, Trauma, Unrequited Love, Violence, Voyeurism, Wet Dream, library kink, lip biting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-27 15:30:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 56
Words: 225,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2697980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhov/pseuds/Rhov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gray nearly dies in battle. Although Natsu saves his life, Gray is left severely handicapped and may never walk again. Now Gray despises Natsu, feeling weak and indebted, while the Dragon Slayer is confused with why he feels possessive over Gray. The team falls apart as both deal with intense feelings of regret, shame, desire, and both physical and emotional agony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gray's Blood, Natsu's Tears

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Moonlessnight126](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlessnight126/gifts).



> _"Nothing can happen more beautiful than death."_  
_― Walt Whitman_

 

* * *

Natsu walked into the guild hall and glanced around. He was looking for someone naked, so he almost did not recognize Gray sitting at the bar with his white coat on.

"Yo, droopy-eyes! Time to go. Erza's already waiting at the train station." Natsu smirked and folded his arms. "Were you waiting for me, ice princess?"

Gray finished his drink and turned around to face the Dragon Slayer. "So what if I was?"

"You lookin' for a fight, one last duel before Erza makes us play nice?"

Gray laughed softly and shook his head. "She'll know we've been fighting again. She always does."

Natsu's eyes narrowed. "Are you running away from me, snowflake?"

Gray gave the Dragon Slayer a tiny smile. "You know I'd beat you."

"Like hell you would!"

Gray walked up to him and gazed down into those narrow eyes. "When we come back, I'll kick your ass so hard, I'll be tickling the inside of your belly button with my toes."

"Oh yeah! Well, I'll kick your ass so hard, you'll have to strip your shirt off just to take a shit!"

"I'll freeze you so thoroughly, you'll be pissing ice cream!"

"I'll burn you to such a crisp, they'll have to…"

"Hey!" Laxus snapped at both of them. "Are you two gonna annoy us with your arguing, or are you gonna get the hell out of here so you don't piss off Erza?" He settled back with his drink. "Stupid kids."

Natsu bristled at that. "Who are you calling stupid, you…"

Gray yanked Natsu by the scarf, choking off his insult before Laxus fried them both. He roughly pulled the Fire Dragon Slayer out of the guild. "Let's go, idiot."

"I'm not an idiot, asshole!" Together, insulting one another the whole way, the two left the guild hall.

Mira chuckled as she watched them leave on their mission. "They argue all the time, but don't you think Natsu and Gray make good friends?"

Laxus arched an eyebrow at her. "Have you been taking sips of the cooking wine again, Mira? The two are ready to kill one another."

"They act that way," she said with a wink, "but I think, when push comes to shove, they really would do anything for one another."

* * *

Their seemingly-simply mission had quickly turned into a disaster. Gray saw Lucy down already, and Wendy was kneeling beside her, attending what appeared to be a severely broken arm. Loke was out and fighting to protect her while Wendy did what she could for Lucy. Erza was nowhere in sight, off fighting what they assumed was the leader of this dark guild. Gray felt occasional bursts of heat, so he knew Natsu was in the area.

The enemy before Gray was a tiny old man, and he had been a fool to think such an ancient person would be frail. He had held back his hits out of a sense of respect, and that cost him, badly!

It … hurt.

No. He had been in pain before. Pain was something he was used to. He had been hit, kicked, stabbed, set on fire, and smashed so many times, pain was common. This … this was different. It was much worse.

Just breathing was a struggle. His vision threatened to black out. His leg … dear God, he wondered if he still had a leg. He couldn't feel anything!

When he looked down, the leg was still there, barely. He had magically frozen the wound almost as soon as it hit, knowing that something so bad must have hit at least an artery. As he took a moment to really look, the gash the enemy left showed him that this was not the sort of wound he could walk off. The enemy's shot had hit it directly. Skin and muscle were torn down to the bone, and it looked like maybe some of the femur was taken out as well. Most of his leg was … gone. Just gone. Blasted away. His pants were saturated in blood, and the ground under Gray was slick with shiny redness.

The leg was useless. Still, he had trapped the leg in ice to stop the bleeding and hopefully protect the exposed muscle and hint of bone. This was not the sort of injury one recovered from in a week or two. Gray hissed a curse as he realized that a wound like this could disable him for life.

No more missions, or not fighting ones, anyway.

The thought numbed him. He could not even conceive the idea that his days of fighting might be over.

"Gray!" Natsu shrieked, his voice cracking in horror.

Struggling with consciousness, Gray lifted his eyes, staring into the sadistic grin of his enemy. The old wizard was preparing another one of those fatal blasts, and this time Gray could not leap out of the way. If he moved his leg at all, he very likely might snap the shattered remaining bone. Besides, he could feel nothing below his thigh. He was stuck there, standing only because he could balance on the leg that was now a useless, numbed lump.

He saw the dark magic circle, watched the blast build up, and passively stared as a sparking black orb of magic propelled itself toward him. He had one chance at shielding himself. Normal ice did not work; he learned that the hard way. He dug down deep for all the magic he could muster.

"Ice Devil's Instantaneous Freeze!"

He tried to stop the oncoming black orb, but he felt his magic build, only to sputter. He had lost so much blood, he could not tap into his Second Origin anymore. He was too weak to pull off something as powerful as his Demon Slayer magic. The blast crackled with only a little ice, which stopped it from piercing, but it still slammed hard into Gray's shoulder, throwing him off balance.

"Shit!" he shouted as bones crunched in his shoulder and collar. His arm hung limply. He could feel nothing in his left arm. Hardly waiting, the old wizard powered up another black orb.

"Graaaay!"

_'So, this is how it ends. Well that sucks!'_

Gray was not going to close his eyes and wait for it. He stared Death in the face, steeled and ready. He felt oddly calm as he kept his eyes on the enemy. He would die fighting. That was good. He just wished he could die _after_ defeating the asshole.

"Get out of my way! Gray! Graaay!"

The black orb of magic flew through the air toward him.

_'My stomach. It'll take out intestines, gall bladder, probably a portion of my liver. It'll miss the spine, though. Dammit, it'll be a slow death. Why couldn't he aim for the chest? Make it quick.'_

He watched as if in slow motion as the black orb came closer and closer. He already knew it was in vain—many of those black orbs had shattered his ice already, but he still tried desperately to shield himself. He made the thickest ice shield he could muster on his dwindling magic, but the orb smashed it like a pane of glass. Blackness slammed into his gut. He felt skin burn away, muscles tearing apart, and then just a sickening pressure in his inner body, where there were no nerves. Not pain there, just pressure. Then burning again out the back as the orb of magic exited with a splash of blood. A clean shot, straight through his body. It was so clean, so quick, Gray was still left standing.

He looked down, too stunned to speak or cry. There was a hole in his gut big enough to stick a fist through, with blood vessels and entrails dangling down. His mind felt totally blank as he watched blood gushing out.

Odd how much blood was in the human body.

" _Graaaaaaaaaaay!_ "

One more shot pierced his body, this one aimed high, hitting his right chest. Again, not the left, not his heart, but something that would draw out his death. This old wizard was plain sadistic, hitting him like this. Gray felt air and blood gush out his mouth in a violent cough.

Another.

Another.

He no longer even felt the shots riddling his body with holes. His brain shut down all sensations of pain. Pain was everywhere. The brain did not need to know that there were more places that hurt.

"Oh God, no. _Gray!_ "

Slowly, he fell backwards, like drifting on a cloud. His head landed on cool grass, and he looked up into a calm blue sky.

If only the world could be so peaceful.

Suddenly, there were flames all around him.

_'Dammit, am I going to hell?'_

However, as he looked up, he saw Natsu standing protectively over him. The Fire Dragon Slayer's face was more grim than Gray had ever seen. He was seething in fury. Those sharp eyes gleamed in the haze of fiery heat and reflected golden sparks of lightning. The scales of Dragon Force marked his skin, and his fists were clenched so tightly, the veins all up his arms stood out.

Deeply, dangerously, Natsu sneered at the enemy. "I'll fucking kill you!"

Then the heat moved away. Natsu pounced at the enemy, but Gray shut his eyes. He knew what Natsu's fights looked like. Besides, he really did not want to see the Dragon Slayer beat an enemy who defeated him. That was the ultimate insult.

He heard screams and roaring shouts as flames heated the area around him. Then Natsu was pushed back in the fight and stepped right on top of Gray's hand.

"Ow," he muttered, although considering all the rest of the agony wracking over his riddled body, the sandal standing on his fingers was hardly anything. It was an instinctual "ow" rather than one of true pain. Gray laughed weakly. Even his death was being screwed up by the destructive Dragon Slayer.

Then he smelled something sickening. Burning flesh! Gray forced his eyes open to see the enemy engulfed in flames. It was hardly surprising that Natsu would not pull his punches even against an old man. The boy had no concept of holding back!

Blackness welcomed Gray like gentle arms that caressed the pain away. It felt so sweet, sinking into those arms, away from the noise and agony. It was peaceful … just to sink…

Hands grabbed Gray up by the shoulders and shook him. That hurt! He wished Natsu would just let him lie there peacefully until the end. The view of serene sky was replaced by those sage-green eyes, no longer fierce, but filled with tears of terror.

"Gray! Oh … oh my God! No … please, no. _Gray!_ " he shrieked.

"I … hear you … fine," Gray sputtered out. He hated the coppery taste of blood in his mouth.

"Hold on, Gray. Just … just don't die. Please, don't die." Natsu's face was torn at the sight of Gray with such a massive hole through him. "Oh my God," he sobbed. "Wendy! _Wendy!_ " he screeched.

Gray felt himself shivering. His breaths came in jolts. One lung was gone. He kept choking on the blood gurgling up from the collapsed lung to his throat. Dammit, death took way too long.

"Gonna … go." Gray really had no clue what he was even saying anymore. Blackness swamped his vision. "So … c-cold."

"No…" Natsu sobbed over him. "Please, no. Don't."

"Gray!" That was Wendy's voice. "Let him go, Natsu. Lay him down gently. I … I'll try…" She gasped suddenly with a squeak. "Oh no!" Even her voice was frail with horror.

"Na- … -tsu." Gray had one thing he wanted to say. The darkness was swallowing him, but he tried to get the words out. "I … c- … I c- … ca- … luh … _ugh!_ " He felt tears in his eyes. Just one thing he wanted to say, and he could not even do that. What a loser! "Cay … fuh … ouu, Na- … -tsu."

Did he say it? Gray could not even feel his own lips anymore.

"Natsu," Wendy ordered. "Cauterize this, quickly!"

Gray reached up and grabbed Natsu's scarf with the last of his strength, leaving red fingerprints on the white material. "Dun … f-for- … -get … Na- … -ts- … uhhh…"

He felt his hand drop, and then, for a moment, there was nothing. He did not even feel the constant thrum of his own heartbeat.

Emptiness.

No more pain, no more light, no more darkness. There were no sounds, no sights, no smells, no tastes, no feeling. Nothing. Utterly nothing.

Oblivion.

It was an oddly sweet feeling. Pure and utter nothingness. Yet soon, even that concept, a synapse still skipping around in his brain and thinking "Wow, I died" ceased to work.

Nothing.

Not even the awareness of nothing.

Death…

**Next Chapter: "A Fragile Existence"**

* * *

_A/N: Welcome to my newest Gratsu story. This is a request from the multi-talented Moonlessnight126, who inspired other fics like "Super Psycho Love," "Regrets in the Crying Sky," and "Burning Bridges." I used this as my NaNoWriMo novel for 2014, and now it's here for your enjoyment. This will be one hell of an emotional roller coaster. I hope you're ready for it._


	2. A Fragile Existence

_"For the life of the flesh is in the blood."_  
_― Bible, Leviticus 17:11_

 

* * *

Natsu sat in what was probably the most uncomfortable chair ever built in the history of Fiore, placed in what was likely the coldest room in all of Magnolia. However, comfort was the last thing on his mind. The ache of the hard chair and shivering chill of the icy hospital waiting room were lost on a sea of worries.

All around him, most of Fairy Tail had gathered. Juvia sat in a chair sobbing so hard, Mira and Lisanna were taking turns emptying entire buckets of her tears. Lyon had arrived not too long ago, and he did his best to comfort Juvia. Rather than be his normal flirtatious self around the rain woman, Lyon looked stricken with grief, and he only patted Juvia's shoulders, whispering gentle words to her once in a while. Erza paced the floor. She had already raged for hours, blaming herself for leaving the rest of their group to go after the leader. Now she silently simmered with an aura of impending doom. Lucy sobbed softly, and Loke was still around holding Lucy's face to his shoulders, looking decidedly uncomfortable with finally being able to hug Lucy, only to comfort her grief.

"He hasn't said a word."

People whispered that about Natsu, as if they thought he could not hear them. He did; he just did not care. He sat slouched, his hands held together, elbows on the knees, his mouth resting against the folded fingers as he hunched over. Someone had brought him a change of clothes so he could get out of the blood-soaked shirt, but his scarf still had dried brown stains of blood, including streaked fingerprints from when Gray grabbed him.

Gray's final words rang through his head. What the hell was the ice bastard trying to say to him? And the last bit: 'Don't forget, Natsu.' Forget what? What was he supposed to remember?

The door opened, and a doctor stepped in. All whispers ceased, and dozens of worried eyes lifted with hope.

"Mister Fullbuster is out of surgery," the doctor reported. "We managed to save his leg, although … I'm not sure if it was really worth such effort."

"Of course it is!" Lyon yelled. "Why wouldn't it be?"

The doctor looked around at the large gathering. "Gray Fullbuster … is not doing well. We've treated what we can, but his injuries are extensive and potentially fatal. He's in extremely critical condition. He hasn't regained consciousness. To be honest, I don't think he will. We're keeping him on life support for now, but … I'm really sorry," he sighed. "We've tried our best, yet even with surgery and magical healers, the injuries are too extensive. His chances of survival are very slim. It's best if all of you prepare for the worst."

Juvia shrieked, and Mira quickly grabbed her to stifle the hysterical screams with her bosom.

"Are you saying there's no hope at all?" Makarov asked with his brow deeply wrinkled.

"I won't give up on him yet. He'll need another surgery to fix his intestinal track, a rather massive surgery, rerouting much of the intestines. Even on a healthy body, such an invasive procedure could cause shock and death, so in his condition … it's not possible tonight. We'd only kill him. I've already sent word for three of the top magical healers in Fiore, but they won't reach Magnolia until tomorrow at the earliest. Your little healer here," he said, nodding to Wendy, "did a miracle job merely keeping him alive long enough to bring him here, but her magic was drained with just that. Our own healers are barely keeping him alive with both magic and machines. We'll keep monitoring his blood pressure, but to be honest…" The doctor gave a deep sigh and dropped his eyes. "I hate to bring bad news, especially seeing just how many friends Mister Fullbuster has, but I also don't like to give people a false sense of hope. There's a seventy percent chance he won't make it through the night. Even if he does, full recovery is likely impossible. He's lost entire nerves and muscles. He'll never walk on that leg. His lung may never fully heal. His days as a fighting wizard are, essentially, over."

Natsu's head dropped. Hearing that Gray would never fight again was perhaps more shocking than if he had been told Gray merely died.

"Does he have family?" the doctor asked.

Lyon stomped forward. "I'm his brother. Well, close enough as one. Adopted brother."

Makarov approached. "We're all his family."

The doctor looked a little weary. "Blood relatives, I mean. He'll need a second surgery if we're to have any hopes of repairing his lungs and intestinal track; however, just to stabilize him, he needed so much blood transfused that we ran out of his blood type. If we want any chance of saving him, we need a few donors."

Natsu stood up immediately. "I have O-negative. You can take mine."

"Thank you. Nurse Aoi, please get him hooked up. Mister Fullbuster is unconscious, but I can allow two visitors at a time."

Natsu saw that Makarov and Lyon were the first two to follow the doctor. That was appropriate. They were the closest things to family. Meanwhile, he followed the nurse and already began rolling up his sleeve, knowing that time was important, considering how urgently the middle-aged nurse walked down the hall.

Natsu entered a room that was kept warm, just how he liked it. The nurse showed him to a reclining couch. Natsu was already pumping his fist in preparation while the nurse pulled out a thick needle and all the equipment she needed.

"We'll take half a liter of blood," she said, somehow keeping a chirpy voice despite the focus in her brow. "You might be dizzy afterwards."

"How much blood can a human lose and still live?" asked Natsu.

"Forty percent of the human blood volume. That's usually around two and a quarter liters."

"I see," he mumbled. He flinched when she inserted the needle, then watched as purplish-red blood flowed through a tube. "Take two liters."

She jolted up fast. "Sir, I can't—"

"Take two liters, dammit!" he said firmly, yet kept his voice down since it was still a hospital. "I'll sign a waiver, whatever, just take it. Gray needs it more than me."

"I'll have to clear this with the doctor," she said, only to be polite. Truly, this hot-head had no idea what he was talking about. From the cuts and bruises, she could tell that he must have also lost some blood already.

Natsu leaned back as his blood flowed out. "You owe me one, stripper!"

* * *

Purely because they really were desperate, and because Natsu was insistent to the point of belligerency, the doctor allowed one and a half liters to be taken, but he insisted he could not take more without risking Natsu's life. The Dragon Slayer decided not to argue. At least it was three times more than normal, so he was glad to help. Donating that much left him so wobbly, Happy had to fly behind him, holding onto Natsu to help him to walk.

"You should go home," the nurse urged. "Drink a lot, and eat meat."

"That actually sounds good, but first I wanna see the stripper."

"Um … stripper?" She blushed at the word.

"Gray. I wanna see him."

The nurse called the doctor, who led Natsu down a hallway. Everyone else had left, visiting hours were long over, but "for the man who'd go this far to save his friend" the doctor could at least let Natsu into the room for a few minutes.

"I'll warn you, he doesn't look well," the doctor cautioned. "It shocked many of your friends. One cried so hard, we had to get the janitor to mop the floor from here to the hospital exit. He's unconscious, and he's still unstable, so don't grab him. The equipment is fragile, and tampering with it could result in death. I was also told you manipulate fire. Absolutely refrain from doing so! We use oxygen on this level, which is highly flammable. Also, keep your voice low for the other patients. It's long past visiting hours."

"Has there been any improvement?" asked Natsu as he stared angrily down the plain white hall.

"If by _improvement_ you mean the fact that he's no longer hemorrhaging, then I guess you could call it that. He's barely clinging on to life. If it weren't for that little healer girl, plus the surgical team, our own magic healers, and now the life support equipment, he would have died mere minutes after arriving. To be frank, he still might go at any time."

"He won't die," Natsu said in a low growl. "Gray wouldn't die before me. He's too damn stubborn."

The doctor sighed, weary from such a long day. "I sincerely hope you're right. I wish I could be just as confident, but I've seen patients like this before. They don't last the night. If you have any final things to say to him, now is the time."

Then the doctor paused by a room and opened the door. The recovery room was dark except for a dim lamp near the bed. Shadows threatened to encroach on the lonely bed, like fingers of Death already reaching for a new victim. The doctor flipped a switch to turn on the lights, and harsh whiteness shined from overhead to chase away those spectrally foreboding clutches.

Despite himself, Natsu gasped. Although he had seen Gray with the ashen pallor of death and carried his cold, corpse-like body to the hospital, it was still shocking to behold the Ice-Make wizard lying in a sterile bed, hooked to monitors. Two thick, blue hoses attached to a tube in his mouth with tape over his face to hold the hoses motionless. Air tubes came out his nose, and wires were patched to places all over his body. He also saw a bag of blood and another of saline dripping into an intravenous line.

Gray's black hair was slicked back to keep it out of the way of the tubes. His face still looked white like death, and the doctors had taped his eyelids shut to keep the eyes from drying out. A pump to the side timed breathing for him, and a beeping monitor let Natsu see for himself that Gray's heart was working, although slowly.

"Gray," Natsu whispered, pained worse than he had felt in a long, long time. His childhood rival and teammate, the man Natsu considered as an equal, looked so tiny, lost amidst all the wires and machines, diminished to this pale, fragile, moribund body. Despite all the muscles in Gray's arms, chest, and abs, physical strength was useless against the sinister approach of Death.

"He's unconscious," the doctor warned.

Natsu began to feel panicked. "What's all this equipment? Why does he have something shoved in his mouth? What are you doing to Gray?"

"This is the life support machine. That's an endotracheal tube in his mouth. The tube is hooked up to a ventilator, which forces air into his lungs so he can breathe. He's receiving blood and saline solution until his blood pressure stabilizes. We also have a TPN—total parenteral nutrition—or to put it simply, feeding him intravenously since his intestines are in no shape to digest food. That's the electrocardiograph monitor to check heart activity," the doctor pointed out, "and this monitor shows us his breaths. Together, all of these machines can keep Mister Fullbuster alive for a while, so long as his heart keeps functioning."

"He's only alive … because of _these_?" Natsu asked with a shiver of horror. He was just now beginning to understand the delicacy of Gray's thread of life. That _thread_ was a blue hose shoved down the ice wizard's trachea. "Can he hear me?"

"Some believe patients in comas can hear us."

"Good," he said numbly. Natsu waved for Happy to stay back. "I have some things to tell him in private," he explained.

The Exceed nodded in understanding, and the doctor also left, shutting the door firmly. Natsu walked forward slowly until he stood by the side of the bed.

"Hey, droopy-eyes," he said quietly.

Natsu looked at the bare chest with patches of medical probes and wires hooked up. A massive bandage patched his right chest and wrapped around the entirety of his middle stomach, covering the holes. Natsu wondered if the hole he had cauterized was still there, or if the doctors somehow managed to close it. If Gray survived, would he have a hole in his body? Part of Natsu thought that would be awesome. He could annoy the stripper by tossing small balls and spit wads through a hole in his stomach. However, Natsu wanted all of it healed up. He wanted Gray to be back to normal.

_'He's barely clinging on to life.'_

Natsu shook his head at the memory of the doctor's words. "You're still alive somehow. You can thank me later. First I saved your ass from that old guy, then I carried your ass all the way here, and now I've saved you once again. They really sucked me dry," he laughed, feeling dizzy from the severe anemia. "Hey, I've been trying to figure out what you wanted to tell me. _Cay fuh oou?_ Careful?"

_Beep-bop! Beep-bop!_

Natsu looked up at the heart monitor. Curious, he felt his neck, checking his pulse against Gray's. For every one of Gray's slow heartbeats, Natsu's heart pounded twice. Natsu did not know much about health and medicine, but he did know that a slow heartbeat was a bad sign.

_'There's a seventy percent chance he won't make it.'_

Natsu never liked it when people told him the odds of success or failure. Odds never meant much of anything to him. If anyone could beat the odds, it'd be a wizard of Fairy Tail! And that meant there was a thirty percent chance that Gray would be just fine … right?

_'Even if he does, full recovery is likely impossible.'_

Natsu completely refused to believe that. They would find a way. They would go to every healer in Fiore until Gray was back on his feet, fighting side by side with him, Happy, Erza, and Lucy.

The steady rise and fall of the chest brought a sense of hope, until Natsu realized it was a machine _breathing_ for Gray. The machines were vital to Gray's survival. If that machine stopped, Gray would be dead in minutes. It was such a fragile existence, this decrepit shell of a body, broken, patched together, yet unable to hold onto life by himself.

_'All of these machines can keep Mister Fullbuster alive for a while.'_

Natsu picked up Gray's hand. He jolted, stunned by how cold it felt. Had Gray always been this icy, or was this something worse? He rarely bothered to touch this rival, so Natsu really did not know how cold he felt normally.

"And … and what shouldn't I forget, huh?" he asked the comatose body. "You got me curious. So you know," he whispered, squeezing the chilly fingers, "you can't die. You have to tell me what the hell you meant. You can't die, Gray."

_'To be frank, he still might go at any time.'_

Natsu saw water drip onto the pasty white hand, and he stared at the drops in surprise. He had not even realized that tears were flowing down his face.

"I can't imagine losing you," he whispered, gritting his teeth as he tried to hold back the tears. "I can't … can't imagine it. You're so damn annoying, always making me feel freezing, always stripping off your clothes, but … but Fairy Tail … it wouldn't be the same without you," he insisted, and Natsu wiped his snotty nose on his sleeve.

_'It's best if all of you prepare for the worst.'_

Natsu shuddered out a sob. The worst! Natsu could not even fathom _the worst_. Yes, they all knew that any one of them could fall during a mission. He and Gray had been on the verge of death plenty of times. Still, seeing Gray now, looking at the pale skin, the tubes, the wires, listening to the machine that pumped air into Gray's lungs, the beep that said his heart was working, and the horrible smells all around him, Natsu refused to believe Gray's life could end on such an anticlimactic note.

"You have to wake up. You have to get better. You never made it to S-class yet, bastard. So you have to get better. We have to fight for S-class. I have to beat you, and then I have to smear it in your face. It wouldn't be fun otherwise. And … and we can do better missions once we're both S-class. And we'll make sure Lucy becomes S-class, too. All of us. We'll be the most kick-ass team in all of Fiore. So you have to get better. You hear that, ice princess?"

_'I've seen patients like this before. They don't last the night.'_

"You have to heal up. You have to keep pushing me, bastard. I wouldn't be this strong if it wasn't for you clashing with me all the time. And … and we have to have our duel. Remember? We couldn't before meeting up with Erza, so we need to go for it when you're … back on your feet."

_'He'll never walk on that leg. His lung may never fully heal. His days as a fighting wizard are, essentially, over.'_

"They said it's impossible, but I know you. You'll fight it. Hell, Gildarts lost his leg _and_ his arm, and he can still kick my butt with one finger, so you'll be fine. And who knows! You might walk on that leg again. No … you _will_ walk. You'll run, and you'll kick, and you'll be as good as new. We'll fight together. So … so you … you can't die, dammit!"

_'His chances of survival are very slim.'_

Natsu threw himself down across the bed, hugging the icy body and sobbing heavily. "Come back to us, Gray. You've gotta wake up!" He laid there, feeling the chilly skin on his cheek. He never realized how much a part of his life Gray was until now that his life was almost at its end. Desperately, he whispered, "Don't leave me behind."

Suddenly, the slow _beep-bop beep-bop_ gave a startling alarm. Natsu jolted up and looked at the monitor. Instead of a bouncing green line, it was flat with only slight twitches. A horrific chill shuddered through Natsu's body. Somewhere behind him, an alarm rang out at the nurse's station, and the door burst open.

"I didn't do anything!" Natsu shouted defensively.

The doctor rushed in. "Dammit, he's in cardiac arrest. Nurses! Vasopressin, STAT! Bring the defib!"

Natsu looked down at the sallow face. "Gray … no. Didn't you listen to a word I've been saying? You deaf bastard, you can't die. _Gray!_ "

"Step back, please," the doctor shouted, shoving Natsu away from the bed. Just then, a team of nurses swarmed in, pushing him further and further back. Natsu stumbled, still dizzy after donating blood. He grabbed hold of the door jamb and watched helplessly.

The nurse jabbed in a needle. The heart monitor suddenly became chaotic.

"V-fib. Get the paddles ready. Remove all electrodes. Shut down the ventilator. Make sure the oxygen is not near the chest. Ready paddles." The doctor placed paddles on Gray's chest. "Stay clear. Clear!"

Gray's body leaped up off the bed.

"Doctor, his wounds!"

"We'll stitch them up again. Another. Clear!" _Jolt!_

"Still in v-fib."

A large male nurse came up behind Natsu. "Sir, I need to insist that you leave."

The Dragon Slayer jolted, not realizing he had been biting his knuckles in worry. "No! I have to make sure he's okay."

"The doctor needs room…"

"What are they doing?" Natsu shouted, pointing as the paddles zapped again, and Gray's body tensed up. "His heart is moving, right? The monitor shows it's moving really fast."

"Those aren't pulses. It's called ventricular fibrillation. It basically means his heart is quivering, not pulsing."

"Quivering?" Natsu whispered. He could hardly help but think of an animal shaking in its death throes.

One of the nurses shouted, "Doctor, he's torn open in the abdomen. Another jolt…"

"Dammit. We'd kill him either way."

Natsu looked at the fluttering line. "A jolt," he muttered. Could he do it? No flame could be lit in this room because of the oxygen, so could he channel the lightning ability he got from Laxus? Could he use just that element and not flame?

"Anything on the ECG?"

"Nothing, doctor."

"Damn. If I do anything more aggressive, it'd rip his stomach completely open. Once more!"

"But doctor…"

"Once more, dammit! Stay clear. Clear!" The pale body jolted again, and blood spurted out onto the doctor's face. "Anything at all?"

Natsu also looked at the monitor in hope. Flatline.

"ECG is asystolic. Pupils are dilated. We've lost him."

"Damn," the doctor growled wearily. "Let's call it. Time of death…"

_Death?_

"No!" Natsu shrieked, and he stomped over, shoving a nurse aside. "Goddammit, Gray, I won't let you!"

Natsu's hand slammed into Gray's chest. Yellow lightning sparked and arced down his arm, flowing to his hand, sending Gray's whole body jolting.

"Someone stop him! The wound has opened."

"No, wait," the doctor said, motioning for the huge nurse to stay back.

Natsu grabbed his upper arm to stabilize the magic flow. The level of control to keep his flames back was something Natsu had never attempted before. He forced pure lightning down, and his hard eyes shined yellow in the light of the electricity. He gritted his sharp teeth in pain as dizziness threatened to consume his consciousness. At last, he heard it.

_Beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop…_

Natsu released his hand and stumbled back. Happy flew forward and grabbed him before Natsu collapsed. The nurses immediately restarted the ventilator and began to tend to a bleeding tear in the stomach already saturating the sheets with blood. The doctor came over and patted Natsu's shoulder.

"Your friend owes you again, sir."

"He sure does!" Natsu laughed weakly.

"We need to attend to Mister Fullbuster's wounds now, and you need some serious rest," the doctor said gently.

"Is he gonna be okay?" asked Natsu.

"I still can't guarantee anything. It'll be touch-and-go all night long, and probably tomorrow morning, as well."

"I can stay with him in case his heart stops again," Natsu offered without hesitating.

"I'm afraid I really can't allow that."

Happy pulled Natsu along. "We can come back tomorrow, Natsu. They need us to leave now."

He grumbled but did not complain. He had barely managed to save Gray's life. The rest was a personal battle for Gray.

Hopefully, he would wake up again.

**Next Chapter: Come Back To Us**

* * *

_A/N: According to the Fairy Tail wiki, Natsu has Type-O blood. O-negative is known as the "universal donor" since they can donate to any of the other blood types. The wiki does not say what Gray's blood type is, but I read somewhere non-official that he is also Type-O. Perfect!_


	3. Come Back To Us

_"That's the worst way to miss somebody. When they're right beside you and you miss them anyway."_  
_― Pittacus Lore_

 

* * *

Natsu walked into the hospital room. It was quiet except for the beeping of machines and the steady breaths artificially pumped into Gray's lungs. He saw Juvia in a chair pulled up close to the bed, sitting next to Gray and holding his hand. She looked up with tired eyes.

"Natsu!" she whispered in surprise.

He smiled passively at her. "Hey, Juvia." Natsu nodded down toward Gray. "How's he doing?"

Her eyes turned sadly down at the unconscious, raven-haired man. "The same. Gray-sama hasn't woken up."

Natsu walked up to the bed and gazed down at the pale face. Those taped eyelids, the wires, the tubes … it was too much! Still, he knew he needed to be here, to be with Gray and support him in any way he could.

"Hey, um … I wanna talk to him," Natsu said awkwardly.

Juvia reluctantly let go of Gray's hand. "Okay." She stroked those fingers as she slowly rose, and then she left the room to give Natsu some privacy.

Natsu sat where she had been, in a hard and uncomfortable chair warmed up by Juvia's body, but otherwise a stiff and cold place to sit. For a minute, he merely gazed down at that sleeping face.

"Hey, droopy-eyes," he finally said. "Sorry for chasing her out. I don't like being in here when someone else is in here. It makes me feel like I have to watch what I say, what I do, and even … how I feel."

The truth was, he did not want others to see how deeply this sight—Gray so close to death—affected him. He let out a deep sigh. Then his voice tried to turn cheerful.

"Hey, I was talking to Happy today, telling him stories about the two of us when we were kids, before he was born. I told him about this one mission, we were probably eleven or twelve. Maybe you remember. It was this thief. Instead of stealing cool stuff, he kept stealing cheap jewelry, like bead necklaces, friendship bracelets, and those plastic rings you get at carnivals, all this really crappy stuff. It was all cheap junk, yet he kept stealing them, and no one could catch him. He must have been a hell of a thief, except he was stealing stupid crap.

"Anyway, for whatever reason, Erza was insistent on taking the mission. None of the adults wanted it. I mean: Plastic Necklace Thief! Sounds so lame, so it was up to us kids to find him. She dragged the two of us along. We were arguing the whole way there; Erza got pissed off at us so many times. Neither one of us wanted to be there, but Erza was scary even back then, wasn't she? We didn't dare disobey her."

Natsu let out a sigh and watched the monitors, the bouncing green line that showed Gray's heartbeat, the billows pumping air into his lungs, and the saline drip keeping him hydrated.

"You saved me," he whispered. "I don't know if you remember that. I just barely do. It wasn't just that he was stealing plastic. He could _change_ it. He had this piece of theater costume jewelry, and he made it into a massive diamond necklace with magic. So cool! He offered to make us rich if we'd let him go. We couldn't, of course. Even if it was cheap stuff he could have bought for a few Jewels, we still couldn't let theft go unpunished. So then he attacked us. He turned Erza's armor into lodestone, and she magnetized to some metal until she couldn't move at all. She wasn't as good at Requipping armor back then; she mostly just did weapons. Then, he tried to change my scarf."

Natsu reached up and stroked the white muffler. He had to clean Gray's blood out of the material after that fight. It was all white again, but somehow, it was like he could still sense a bit of Gray's essence soaked into the material.

"You knew how precious this scarf is to me, and you jumped in the way. He couldn't turn flesh into other material, so your clothes started to turn into gold. It weighed you down, and you fell hard. Then, typical of you, you just stripped out of those clothes in an instant. You fought him, and he kept aiming for you. Every time something got hit, you just threw it off. Your shoe got hit, you threw it off, your pants got hit, you stripped out of them, until finally you were totally butt naked."

Natsu laughed at the memory, but hearing nothing in return—seeing no smile or anger or anything from Gray—saddened him.

"That's when … when you managed to knock him out," Natsu muttered. "I was so pissed. You were the one who saved me. You save Erza, too, and … and that just pissed me off, that _you_ did that."

He looked at the pale face, wishing for some response. Natsu stroked back a strand of black hair that had slipped out of the headband keeping Gray's hair back. The strand had landed near the tube shoved down Gray's mouth and into his throat, so Natsu gently brushed the hair aside.

"You're probably going to be pissed about this: me saving you," he said softly. "Well, this is just payback, just … just … getting even with you. For back then. I owe you. That's all," he whispered sadly, letting his fingers stroke along the forehead.

The skin was so cold. He wondered if he should keep holding Gray's face to warm him up. His fingers drift down toward the icy cheeks. Then suddenly, Natsu yanked his hand back and wiped aside a tear.

"Dammit," he hissed, angry that he was getting emotional again. "You know, that day, that mission … I really hated to think about it. It was so annoying, watching you fight when I was too scared, fearing my scarf would be turned into platinum or something. That really scared me. And there you were, stripping off all of your clothes. I let my scarf be a weakness. You have no weakness. Well, not with clothes, at least. And … it made me envious.

"Oh! And then," he said in excitement, "after he was caught, you got to keep everything that was yours. Oh my goodness, you … you had all this money suddenly," he laughed. "You looked like such an idiot when the Magic Council guards suddenly returned all of your clothes, this box filled with solid gold clothing. Your eyes went huge! I remember, you sold that solid gold shirt to some noble for an outrageous amount. And your pants! Your shoes, someone even bought the socks. You even sold your underwear! Damn, what sort of pervert buys a kid's golden boxers?"

Natsu cackled, but still there was no response from Gray. As funny as the memory was, seeing Gray not responding felt like a stab to his chest.

"I … I was so jealous," he said softer, saddened that this funny memory was not fully being shared. "And then … you took that money and … and you moved out on your own. We were still just kids, but you suddenly had the money to move out of the orphanage and get your own place." His head dropped. "That was when I really got mad … and envious … and I hated you, because … you weren't around as much anymore and … and it wasn't as much fun. So I started saving up. I wanted to move out, too. I couldn't afford anything in the city, only that cabin. Then I lived there with Happy, so it wasn't as lonely. But … I wanted to live in my own place, because you got to move out first."

He shifted around in the uncomfortable seat.

"That whole mission back then annoyed me so much, but … but it doesn't annoy me anymore. It's just funny, a nice story to tell. A story about us. One of our crazy adventures from when we were kids … growing up … together."

Natsu's fingers slid along Gray's cold cheek, and his eyes softened with sadness.

"When did those memories stop becoming so annoying?"

He wanted to remember Gray's laugh, his voice, the way his fist felt so cold as he punched Natsu. He wanted to remember all those adventures they had, and all the fights, all the challenges, every brawl. Those memories were truly precious.

Suddenly, he realized he was caressing Gray's face in a weird way. Natsu yanked his hand back in shock.

"Man, what am I doing?" He laughed softly in awkwardness. "Sorry. Why am I saying sorry? Could you even feel that?" He patted the cheek, not hard, but enough to get a sound of slapping flesh. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty, can you even hear me?" he called out. "I'm talking to you, idiot, and you're not responding."

He sighed and glanced away. He probably should not be slapping Gray like that, not with all the tubes and hoses and wires.

"Maybe you can hear me," he muttered. "Maybe, somewhere in that frosty brain of yours, you're struggling to come back. Even if you can't understand what I'm saying, maybe … just hearing my voice … maybe that's enough."

He reached down and laid his hand over Gray's fingers.

"Hear me, Gray!" he pleaded. "Listen to my voice and come back to us."

He squeezed the fingers. Then he picked the limp hand up, held it with both of his hands, and squeezed his fingers around the frosty touch. Natsu leaned his head over their combined hands in prayer.

"Please. I'd do anything. Just bring him back to me. I just want him to wake up. I … I wanna hear his voice, and argue like normal. I just … want him … to come back."

He let out a heavy sigh. If there was a god out there, he wanted a miracle. He stared at Gray's face, and he hoped, with all of his heart, that his prayer would be answered.

"I'd do anything to have him back," Natsu whispered ardently. Then he let go of the hand and gently set it back down. "I'm not really all that religious, but … it doesn't hurt, right? I don't know what else to do or say," he admitted with a weak smile. "Maybe I should ask Mira and Lisanna. They're religious and stuff. I know they're going to the cathedral to pray for you. Lisanna invited me to come with them. Maybe I'll go next time. Couldn't hurt, and perhaps it'll do some good."

He pulled away and stood up from that uncomfortable chair.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that story. Happy and I were talking about it. I figured I'd mention it. So…"

He reached down and caressed Gray's cheek again. His brow furrowed tightly with all the emotions he was bottling up, all the fear and sadness and guilt. Natsu's teeth clenched, and he leaned over close, holding those cheeks to force his burning emotions into this cold shell of a body.

"Seriously, wake up. Okay? Just wake up," he whispered angrily. "Your dream can't be all that interesting. Wake the hell up! I hate coming here and seeing you like this. I hate going to sleep terrified that I'll wake up to hear you died in the night. I hate this! So wake up. Come back to us."

He let go of the face and stood up again. Maybe his words would reach into that comatose mind and pull Gray out of whatever abyss he had slipped into.

"I'll send Juvia back. She likes to stay by you, y'know. She's always here. We … miss you. All of us." He patted Gray's limp hand again. "Well, see ya around, stripper."

Then Natsu walked away. He paused by the door and looked back, hoping that maybe Gray would sit up and make a snarky remark about getting overly-emotional again. Instead, it was just the even breaths, the beeping machine, and the silent body lying under a white sheet. Natsu's head dropped, and he quietly left the room.

* * *

It was raining. Natsu heard the drops on his roof, tapping a chaotic cadence on the shingles. A low roll of thunder woke him. He was ready to just roll over and go back to sleep, but there was a glow in his room.

"Happy?" he mumbled, thinking that maybe the Exceed had gotten up to use the bathroom.

He peeked open his eyes and was stunned to see Gray standing over his bed.

"Gray! What are you doing here?"

Gray smiled sadly at him. Natsu stared at that melancholy face in confusion. Why was he not saying anything? Where was this light coming from?

"Gray?"

Those cold lips parted, as if about to speak, but instead he silently turned aside.

"Gray, what is it? What's wrong?"

Then he realized Gray was standing here, in his room. He was _awake!_

"Gray! Wait a minute, you're … you're here! You're up. You're…"

No … his feet were not touching the ground. The glow was under him, around him, and Gray's feet strode a hand's-width above the wooden floor.

"No," Natsu whispered, shivering in dread. "What? No way…"

Gray paused and looked back again. He smiled plaintively yet silently, then lifted a hand in farewell.

"No! Gray!"

Natsu tried to scrabble over his bed. He fought the cocooning sheets that tangled his legs and held him back.

" _Graaay!_ "

Gray turned and walked away. The light around him got brighter and brighter, blinding Natsu.

"Wait! _Nooooo!_ "

* * *

Natsu bolted up in bed screaming, a hand reaching out to the fading vision of Gray leaving eternally.

In a nearby hammock, Happy yawned. "What's wrong, Natsu? Did you eat something bad?"

Natsu had sweat on his brow, and his muscles were shivering with adrenaline. He looked around the room. It was dark, the rain tapped noisily outside, and the clock read three o'clock in the morning.

Was it a dream, or a premonition?

"Gray," Natsu whispered.

He leaped out of bed, threw a coat over his pajamas, yanked the white scarf around him, and ran out, still barefooted and without an umbrella. He raced down the hill, guided by smell alone since there was no moonlight, nothing to light up this dark rain. He panted as he ran through the town, feeling like he was still in a nightmare. The rain seeped through his coat, drenching his pajamas, and his bare feet splashed in puddles. Finally, the hospital loomed ahead. The emergency room was still open, so he ran inside there.

He leaped right at the lady at the reception desk and slammed his fists down, dripping water all over the place. "Gray Fullbuster, Room 54. Is he okay?"

The nurse looked utterly confused. "Sir, visiting hours…"

"I don't want to visit him," Natsu shouted. "Just please … he's been in a coma all this time. Is he alive? Please, just have someone check on him."

"Do you have reason to believe his life is in danger?" she asked skeptically.

"I … I don't know," he gritted in frustration. "A dream. A really horrible dream. I know it sounds stupid, but please. I just need to know if he's okay."

She sighed, but she picked up a communications lacrima. "Is this a post-op nurse? Yes, this is the ER front desk. The patient in Room 54, can you make sure he's okay?"

She waited, and Natsu drummed his fingers in nervousness.

Finally, the nurse perked up. "I see. Thank you. No, it's just a worried friend here in the ER. Yes, he knows about visiting hours. Some people just really need to know that their friend is okay. Yes, thank you." She hung up and smiled to Natsu. "Gray Fullbuster is still comatose. He had a slight problem earlier tonight and required an operation on his lung. It's called pleurodesis, and it's meant to help heal his collapsed lung. The operation was successful, and he came out of surgery half an hour ago. It took some time to stabilize his blood pressure, but he is in recovery and doing well."

"Are you sure he's alive?" Natsu asked, still feeling his heart racing from the nightmare.

"The nurse checked. His breathing and heart rate are fine. His blood pressure is low, but that's to be expected for someone in his condition. We'll know more in the morning. Now, please get some sleep, sir, and dry off before you catch a cold. You may return during visiting hours."

Natsu slumped in relief. "Thank you. Uh … sorry if I was acting weird."

"I've seen far worse, sir," she smiled. "Please, do get warm before going back to sleep. There's a nasty cold going around."

"Staying warm isn't a problem," the Fire Dragon Slayer muttered. "Thanks, really."

He slowly turned away and left the hospital behind, walking out into the downpour. As the adrenaline faded, deep sleepiness started to wash over his body. He dragged his bare feet along the rain-soaked streets, not at all looking forward to the long hike back to his house.

**Next Chapter: "The Wounds Remain"**


	4. The Wounds Remain

_"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."_  
_― Rose Kennedy_

 

* * *

Natsu burst into the hospital room smiling brightly. "Gray!" he shouted.

Lucy bonked him on the head. "Idiot, we're in a hospital. You need to keep your voice down."

"But Gray's finally awake." Natsu ran up to the hospital bed and put both hands on it, leaning in with hyper joy. "How are ya feeling, ice princess?"

Gray glared at him for a moment, but then he sadly looked away.

Natsu looked confused at the depressed expression. "Hey, what's up? What's with the silent treatment? You didn't hurt your throat too, did you?"

Erza was already in the room, and she gently pulled Natsu back. "It's best if we leave Gray to rest."

"What?" the Dragon Slayer shouted in protest. "But he's been sleeping for two whole weeks. More beauty sleep won't improve his looks any," he laughed. "Yeah, but at least you're looking better than before. You looked like hell, all beat up. Hah, you really got your ass kicked, popsicle-pants."

Gray suddenly lashed out. "Shut the hell up!"

Natsu backed up at the anger in that shout. "S-sorry," he muttered. "Seriously, I'm glad you're okay, Gray."

Erza took Natsu's shoulder and pulled him back out of the recovery room and into the sterile white hallway. He left reluctantly, and Lucy followed along, shutting the door behind them, leaving Gray sitting stiffly in his bed.

"Natsu," the redhead said softly, "I know you were really worried about him, but … maybe you shouldn't come to the hospital."

"What?" he shouted in rage. "Why the hell not? I'm the one who saved his ass!"

"Precisely. Gray doesn't like that he lost."

"It happens," Natsu shrugged. "You shake it out, stand back up, and keep fighting."

Erza flinched and looked away with her eyes shut tightly.

Lucy saw the pain in Erza's expression. "Is Gray okay?" she asked softly.

Erza lightly wiped a tear from her eye, and slowly she shook her head. "He's awake, which is a miracle in itself, but healing will take a long time. A _really_ … long … time." She paused again, momentarily overwhelmed. Lucy placed a hand on her arm, but the mighty Titania managed to harden her heart once more. "His internal injuries were severe. He lost his gall bladder, a portion of his liver, part of his lung had to be fused to the chest cavity because it would not heal right, and his intestinal track had to be completely rerouted because of that gaping hole. His stomach might never fully heal. His leg … he … he didn't lose the leg, but he might never walk on it again."

Lucy covered her mouth with both hands. Natsu just stared with no expression, his face completely blank.

"His leg bone had to be partly replaced. It'll take a few months to heal."

"Then he heals," Natsu said quietly. "We wait. He goes through physical therapy for a bit, and…"

Erza shook her head. "One of the shots was close to the spine. It damaged nerves to his hips and both legs. He's partially paralyzed."

"Oh no," Lucy whispered between her trembling hands, shaking her head in disbelief.

"The shot to his left leg took out the sciatic nerve, completely severed it. It was such a large gash, they can't reattach the nerves. Gray can't feel anything at all below the thigh. His right leg is only marginally better. Parts of it are numb, too. It got a few smaller shots, but mostly it's the spinal damage which affected the nerves. He has about seventy percent sensation in his right leg. The doctors say it might come back, but the left leg … they've done all they can for now. They can't do anything more … except amputate."

"No!" Lucy cried out. "They … they can't!"

"He can't walk, Lucy," Erza reasoned. "As drastic as it seems, it might be the best option. Artificial limbs like Gildarts' leg and arm, magical eyes like mine," she said, lightly touching the bottom of her eye that had been replaced. "Medical science is really advanced. He might need one leg replaced, maybe both, depending on if he can heal. The doctors aren't even worried about the legs right now. He still needs more corrective surgery on his abdomen, maybe spinal surgery, and his lung is still in a fragile state. Until that lung heals, he can't do anything strenuous. He's alive but … but this has really changed him. I've been sitting with him all morning. It's like that isn't even Gray in there. I've seen him sad before, but … _never_ like this. I can't even imagine how he feels, waking up out of a two-week coma and being told all this. I … can't imagine."

Tears were streaming down Lucy's eyes. Overwhelmed, she turned to Erza, who hugged her as she also struggled to remain strong. Natsu stood alone, and as the girls cried quietly, the Dragon Slayer drifted back over to the recovery room.

Slowly, he opened the door. Seeing Gray sitting up after having seen him so close to death made Natsu forget just how bad those injuries had been. He had seen Gray get shot. He remembered all the blood. He had prayed so hard for a miracle, and for a while he thought he got it. Gray was better, everything was fine, and they could go right back to hating each other's guts.

"I hate you, Natsu."

The Fire Dragon Slayer jolted, but then he tried to act cocky. "Yeah, well, who said I liked you?"

Gray's eyes stayed focused on the blue sky outside his small window. "During a fight, a person should be ready to face death. If the enemy is simply too much, they should fight to their very last breath, fight until they can't move, keep fighting and never surrender. If that's still not enough, they should stand their ground in defense of the friends around them and die like an honorable warrior."

"I ain't letting you die, Gray," Natsu said stubbornly.

Gray still stared at the sun pouring through the hospital window. "I made a mistake. I totally could have defeated him. Instead, I underestimated him."

"It happens," Natsu whispered cautiously.

Gray sadly shook his head. "By rescuing me and making me live like this—an invalid who will never walk again—this is nothing more than a disgrace. My life … can't ever be the same," he said with a quaver to his voice. Natsu saw that Gray was holding back tears, and his keen nose smelled the fear the ice wizard felt about this horrible and uncertain future awaiting him. "It's over," he breathed. "It … should've been over. My life. Everything."

That angered Natsu. "What, do you wish you would have died? Don't you _dare_ say that, Gray! You're alive by a miracle. You should be happy."

"Happy?" he scoffed, and hate-filled eyes glared at the Fire Dragon Slayer. "Happy about what? What should I be so goddamn glad about? That I feel like shit? That I can't walk? Can't eat? Can't move? Can barely breathe? Can't even feel my legs? Should that make me happy?"

"You're alive, Gray," Natsu whispered, wishing he could see the good in just that much.

"Not by choice. Not by my own strength."

"Dammit, who cares about that?" Natsu shouted.

Gray's eyes snapped over at him. "You should have left me."

"Bastard, what's up with you?" Natsu yelled in anger. "We're a team. If one falls, the others pick that person up. That's how we've always done it. You, me, Lucy, even Erza: we've all had times when we need to have someone else save us. This is no different. Besides, do you think I'd leave a friend behind?"

"Friend?" Gray scoffed. "You're not my _friend_ , Natsu."

He felt a sharp pain in his chest hearing that. "We're nakama," he insisted sadly. "I saved you because I want you to live."

"Why?" Gray asked bitterly.

"What the hell do you mean, why?" Natsu shouted back.

"You want me to be on the team. You want to fight with me and go on missions. Isn't that so?"

"Of course—"

" _That won't ever happen again!_ " Gray screamed. He suddenly grabbed his chest and collapsed backward, shivering in pain.

"Gray!" Natsu cried out, reaching out and putting his hand on a sheet-covered leg. "Gray, what's wrong?"

Raspy breaths hissed between his clenched teeth as he shook with agony. "Everything. Every- _fucking_ -thing is wrong. I … I can't even move, Natsu. Can't get out of bed. Can barely breathe."

"You'll get better," the Dragon Slayer whispered sadly, hating to see Gray in so much pain.

"Better?" he scoffed. "Have you listened to the doctors? Their best case scenarios are that I'll be in a wheelchair. Dammit, I don't want to live like this. Useless, weak, unable to fight!"

"But Erza said…"

"Erza's too optimistic. The doctors told me how bad it is. They're not even sure how long it'll take for me to recover from my lungs and stomach. Months! Even if they can fix my gut, the leg is hopeless. I overheard a nurse say it might be better to cut the whole leg off and give me a prosthetic. It's still an option. Frankly, it's a better option than what I've got now." He glanced down and saw Natsu's hand. "Are you touching my leg?"

Natsu looked down at his hand and quickly removed it. "Sorry. Does it hurt?"

Gray laughed sardonically, shaking his head slowly. "I can't feel a thing. Nothing. It's like I don't even have a leg. It's just something there, something for people to stare at. And the right leg: half of it's there, half of it's not. I'll be an invalid for the rest of my life, Natsu. That's what you rescued. Not me. Just a shell of what I was. The real Ice-Make wizard Gray Fullbuster died on that battlefield. I … should have just died."

Flames sparked over Natsu's body. "Gray, you bastard! Don't you dare say that. Do you really _want_ to be dead?"

"I don't want to live like this," he sneered.

"We worked hard to keep you alive. Can't you accept that we _want_ you to live?"

"You're all just greedy," Gray muttered in depression. "Think about me. I'm the one who has to live through this pain."

"You want pain?" He raised his fist, but Gray suddenly leaned over, coughing harshly. He grabbed his stomach, curled to his side, and began to howl in intense agony.

Erza raced into the room and grabbed Natsu's fist. "What the hell are you doing?" she yelled.

"I … I didn't hit him," Natsu muttered. His fist lowered. "Gray?"

Gray coughed harder, and blood splattered out of his mouth. His blue eyes opened wide as pain engulfed him. He tried to cover his mouth, but blood poured between his fingers in thick purple-red streams.

Lucy shouted out in the hallway, "Someone, get a doctor! He's hemorrhaging!" Then she ran inside. "Gray, cough into this," she said, holding a pan under his mouth.

As Gray leaned over it, he suddenly vomited bile mixed with blood clots. The blood splattered out of the pan, onto his pillows and blankets, and speckled Lucy's arms and her blouse. Gray groaned in agony, holding his stomach.

"Oh God, it hurts!" he moaned.

Lucy rubbed his back and softly encouraged him to cough it all up. Although she tried to be calm for his sake, Lucy's face went pale with terror as Gray vomited even more blood and struggled just to breathe.

Natsu watched in shock and horror as the reek of blood filled the room. It was different from when Gray was unconscious and on life support. At that time, he looked peaceful, like he was simply sleeping, although he had been paler than a corpse. Now Gray had color to his cheeks, but Natsu saw how his body was struggling just to live.

Gray began to gag, coughing mouthfuls of blood so much, he could no longer inhale and his lungs began to convulse as they struggled to get air past all the blood. Doctors and nurses rushed in. Natsu, Erza, and Lucy were guided away from the hospital bed as the nurses dealt with the blood and a doctor called to get a breathing tube to help clear Gray's air passage. As the white flurry of coats and nurse uniforms fluttered around, Natsu briefly saw Gray between the bodies. Although his color was draining fast, and blood streaked down his chin and neck, Gray still managed to shoot Natsu a sharp glare that showed bitterness and hatred.

_'You forced me to survive. You made me live only to suffer. You did this to me, Natsu. You kept me alive only to exist in utter hell.'_

Natsu turned and fled the room. He kept running, fleeing away from the stench of blood and pungency of disinfectants. His keen ears clearly heard a doctor saying that Gray needed surgery, and fast, or he would bleed to death.

Natsu raced down some stairs, through a waiting room, and out the hospital doors, just as an ambulance was pulling up. The man they wheeled in was bleeding heavily.

More blood! The smell was everywhere.

Natsu turned and ran another way. He had to get away from that building and the smell. At some point, he fell. He had tripped on something, he did not see what, and tumbled onto the cobbled road. As he slid, a rock cut open the palm of his hand.

More blood!

"Dammit!" Natsu screamed, frightening people walking along the road.

He stayed there, down on his knees, staring at the trickle of blood flowing from his hand.

Why did people have to bleed? Why did blood have to smell so horrible? Why did Gray have to get hurt like that? Why…?

_'Why Gray? Why not me?'_

A hand touched his shoulder. Natsu jolted, looked up, and saw gentle eyes amidst scarlet hair. His face felt wet. He reached up and touched his cheek, too numbed to fully realize why there was water streaming down from his eyes. He had no clue when he began to cry.

Erza held her hand out. Natsu took it, and she easily hoisted him back up to his feet.

"Let's go home," she whispered.

Natsu did not move for a while. Erza had also rushed toward Gray when he was coughing up blood, and Natsu saw drying red splatters on her armor.

More blood! It was just too much.

Natsu collapsed into her arms. He could not remember if he had ever cried in front of Erza like this, but somehow, of all the people he knew in Fairy Tail, she was the only one to whom he could admit his weakness. She held him consolingly, and suddenly she Requipped into plain clothes. Instead of hard metal armor, Natsu sobbed into a ruffled blouse. When he grabbed around her, it was to the softness of her back. When she stroked his pink hair, it was not a gauntlet, but Erza's strong yet feminine hands.

Natsu cried, and he did not care if people saw. He sobbed and wailed, clutching onto Erza's blouse, right there in the middle of the street, and nothing else mattered.

He had wanted Gray to get better, to wake up, be happy, and have more fun with him, being rivals and bickering like they had always done.

He never, ever, wanted Gray to truly despise him.

**Next Chapter: "Nightmares and Dreams"**


	5. Nightmares and Dreams

_"My best dreams and worst nightmares have the same people in them."  
— Philippos_

 

* * *

Natsu never went back to the hospital.

Summer passed into autumn. It was another two months of surgeries and sessions with magical healers before Gray was deemed to be in stable condition. Still, his diet was extremely limited. The doctors had not even begun to talk seriously about rehabilitation for his leg, not when all focus had so far been on fixing the extensive damage to his internal organs. He was stuck in bed mostly, although he was allowed to go outside in a wheelchair for some sunshine and fresh air.

Lyon stayed around Magnolia during that time, worried for his adopted brother. He saw that Gray was not the same as before. No matter how Lyon tried to tease him, cheer him up, or encourage him to have Ice-Make challenges like they used to do as kids, seeing who could be the most creative, Gray had no interest, not even in using a small bit of magic.

"Why bother?" he would mutter. "I won't be able to fight as a wizard again, not after this."

"We don't know what the future will bring," Lyon told him sternly. "We create our future, like we create our ice. We can be dull and boring, or…" Lyon used both hands to create a gorgeous miniature peacock of ice that landed on the arm of the wheelchair and began to strut around. "…we can be inventive and create something amazing."

Gray made a fist and slammed it down, crushing the sculpted bird into icy shards. "In the end, it's gone in a flash. It melts and gets destroyed. Ice doesn't last!"

"Gray," Lyon sighed worriedly. "This isn't like you."

Gray said nothing, but his scowl was enough. Lyon kept quiet, but he was still worried about this grim mind-set Gray had picked up.

At some point, Gray got into a habit of poking his leg. He felt nothing past the horrendous scar, where muscles and tendons had been blasted away and his bone partly blown apart. The doctors removed the shattered bits of bone, a Bone Magic wizard had repaired the damage, and somehow they managed to save the limb; however, since there was no known medical procedure to reconnect major nerves that had been severed by many centimeters, and no healer in Fiore powerful enough to completely regrow almost a quarter of his upper thigh, including tendons and muscles, the physicians wondered if amputation might not be a better option. Fiore had advanced prosthetics, Gray could probably be fitted with a fake leg and be walking in a few months. However, for now, the leg was secondary to healing his lungs and organs. He felt nothing, and so he kept poking it, knowing he should feel something, but watching vacuously as his finger pressed into flesh that did not seem to be his own.

One day, there was a knock on the recovery room door, and Erza stepped in with Juvia. Some people at least still visited him. Gray had no clue why he felt angry that Natsu stayed away. If the Dragon Slayer _did_ show up, they would have just argued, anyway. The doctors frequently warned Gray not to get riled up, since his lung was still healing and his stomach was susceptible to bleeding. Maybe Natsu had been ordered to stay away precisely for that reason. Gray wasn't sure, and he felt weird asking anyone about that flame-brain idiot.

"Gray-sama!"

Juvia's voice was much more pacified these days. She had dark circles under her eyes. Considering all the rain Magnolia had been getting, Gray knew she must have been crying a lot.

He felt unworthy of anyone's tears. Why should people cry for a man who should be dead?

"Sorry it's just us," Erza said. "Lucy and Natsu are off on a mission."

Gray grumbled, "Good for them. Maybe they'll finally hook up now that I'm not in the way."

Erza's brow tightened. "You've been really bitter about Natsu."

He softly scoffed and looked away. "When have I ever been sweet about that idiot?"

"He saved your life."

"He saved a body." Gray weakly shook his head. "My life is over."

Erza sighed and walked up to him. She and Juvia stood on either side of his bed. Gray sat up, but Erza realized his legs were unnaturally still.

"Gray, the doctors told you, this bitterness and fatalistic pessimism is not going to help with the healing. It's making your stomach worse."

"Oh yeah," he snapped. "How much _worse_ can it get?"

"You could be dead."

"At least then I wouldn't be in pain all the time and facing a life in a wheelchair."

Juvia grabbed his hand. "Gray-sama is strong. Juvia believes that if Gray-sama wants to walk again, Gray-sama will…"

"Will you stop calling me _Gray-sama_ already," he shouted, violently shaking her hand off. "Goddammit, do you think that's cute or something? How about talking like a normal person and not like a moron?"

Juvia gasped and jolted back.

"Gray!" Erza scolded.

He harshly looked away and grumbled, "Why don't you two just leave? I'm pathetic, right? You're just here to appease your own egos, visiting the poor, unfortunate invalid."

Erza's eyes narrowed. "I should have let Natsu hit you."

"You should have let Natsu let me die."

"Now _I'm_ ready to hit you!" she warned.

"So what?" he muttered.

Juvia looked over to Erza, who glanced at the rain woman. Gray had been like this since waking up. He had not attempted suicide, but he was angry at the bleak prospects of his life. Part of Erza hardly blamed him. It was a sobering thing, coming to terms with a major disability. Gray's life would never be the same. The doctors also warned that, after a near-death experience such as Gray's, his personality might change. She just wished she knew how to make things better.

Quietly, Gray mumbled, "Can you please leave? The pain killers are making me sleepy and nauseous. I'd like to sleep. It's the only time I'm not in pain. Send a nurse in, though. I'm beginning to despise bedpans."

"Juvia can help with that!" the blue-haired girl eagerly offered.

"Hell no!" Gray sneered.

Erza pulled on Juvia's arm. "Let's go. If he's strong enough to be this cantankerous, then at least he's getting better."

Juvia leaned over and kissed Gray on the forehead. "Get well soon, Gray-sama." Then she hurried out of the room.

Gray rubbed the kiss off with a disgusted face. "Get well soon?" he muttered after they were gone. "It's never going to get better. Never…"

He looked down at his legs again. He poked the dead leg in anger. He could wiggle his toes on the right leg, but the left was still completely paralyzed. He suddenly punched his leg with a shout of anger. Still nothing.

"Dammit," he whispered in frustration and depression. He quickly blinked away tears and pulled the covers over the rising bruise on his leg before a nurse entered.

* * *

Days passed. Although Gray seemed to be improving, he was still in a precarious state and could not leave the hospital. Makarov decided that since this injury happened while on a mission, the guild would cover all of the hospital bills. He told the doctors, whatever Gray needed to get better, any surgery at all that might help, do it. The guild funds would cover the expenses.

Then on a breezy autumn day, Lucy ran into the guild and up to Natsu, who was drinking at the counter and wishing he could get drunk to escape from the pain in his heart. Life in the guild without Gray was oppressive.

"Natsu!" she shouted. "Natsu, we need you. It's about Gray."

He spun around with wide, terrified eyes. "Oh God, what happened?" he asked, fearing to know.

"We … we don't know. He's disappeared. Please, hurry. We really have no clue how to find him, so we're relying on your sense of smell."

Natsu left with her, running almost faster than her and annoyed that Lucy's heeled boots slowed her down. When at last they reached the hospital room, it was empty.

"We have no clue how this happened," Lucy said fretfully. "I mean, Gray can't even walk! Well, not good. And his wheelchair is still here."

Natsu saw the wheelchair in the corner. He looked around the rest of the room. "His clothes are gone." He pointed to an empty spot against the wall where Gray's clothes had been hung up for his attempts at therapy.

Natsu sniffed and began to follow a scent he knew well. It led him out of the hospital through a back door. No wonder nobody saw Gray leave. Natsu leaned over near some dirt. There was a print of a barefoot, something dragging, and then a round, deep imprint.

"He left on crutches."

"Crutches?" Lucy exclaimed. "He can barely walk, though. He can't be far."

Natsu rushed forward. "What was that idiot thinking?"

Natsu kept sniffing, following a fresh scent. It got stronger, and he knew they were catching up. Then they came to one of the many canals that flowed through Magnolia. Up on the bridge, they saw a man with black hair resting on crutches, one leg turned awkwardly. He gazed down at the water.

"He isn't thinking about _jumping_ , is he?" Lucy whispered in horror.

"Hey!" Natsu shouted, and he stomped forward. "What are you doing, asshole? Sick people should stay in bed."

Gray glared at them and sneered, "What do you care?"

"I don't, but pulling a stupid stunt like this scared Lucy."

"Just stay back," he whispered, staring down into the dark river. "Just leave me alone."

Lucy took a few steps up the bridge. "Gray…"

"Stay back!" he shouted. Gray again looked down into the river and whispered, "Don't get near me."

Lucy stopped, and she held onto Natsu's sleeve before he could storm forward. "Gray?" she said softly. "Don't do this, please."

Gray gave Natsu a cold, derisive grin. "I gotta thank you, I guess. I've come to realize, I didn't want to die like that. Defeated, humiliated, in pain … I didn't want to die that way."

"Then keep living," Natsu said sternly, eying Gray cautiously. "Live until you're an old man."

"And what?" he asked with a self-deprecating laugh. "Be some old man in a wheelchair? Maybe stuck in bed, too frail to move around on my own? Having someone change a bed pan for me? I'm _already_ living that way!" he screamed. "I'm already there, living like some crippled old man. Hah! Beat you to it." Gray looked over the edge of the bridge. "I'm gonna die one day, either from these wounds or sometime in the future. No matter what they do, I'll die anyway. I want it to be on my terms."

"Do you think throwing yourself off a bridge and drowning is better?" Natsu shouted.

Gray gazed into the water. "I almost drown in my own blood every morning. Water doesn't taste as bad."

Natsu yanked away from Lucy and stomped up the bridge. Lucy reached out to hold him back, worried that Gray might really jump, but Natsu was too fast. The Dragon Slayer stormed right up to Gray's face and grabbed him by the shirt, yanking him forward.

"What's gotten into you, droopy eyes? Upset over some injury? We're members of Fairy Tail. When was getting hurt ever a problem?"

Gray sneered at him. "When I was told I'd never walk again."

"You're out here, you're walking."

Gray lashed out. "I can't feel my goddamn leg!"

"So what? Look at Gildarts. Acnologia tore up half his body. He lost a leg _and_ an arm, plus some internal organs, and he can still kick our butts. Even if your body gets weaker, _you_ get stronger. That's all there is to it. So wake up that goddamn snowball head of yours and stop thinking death is better."

"I hate you, Natsu!" Gray lashed out.

"Then hate me. It's better than being dead."

"You know _nothing_ about what I'm living through."

"I know you're living, and that's all I need to know."

"Fuck you!"

Gray threw a punch, and it hit Natsu's face to the side. Natsu could have easily stopped it, but he figured Gray deserved at least one free hit. Then he punched back, hitting the side of Gray's face.

"Bastard!" Gray snarled.

Lucy watched with teary eyes as the two punched each other in the face over and over.

"Natsu, stop!" she shouted. "Gray is still injured."

"He's strong enough to punch me," Natsu reasoned just as Gray's knuckles collided into his jaw. "Count this as physical therapy for your arms. You lost a leg? Big deal! Strengthen your arms. Strengthen your magic. Dammit, Gray, you're strong. I admit, you're almost as strong as me."

"I'm way stronger than you," Gray growled back.

"Then why are your attacks so weak?" shouted Natsu. "You wanna die? Die fighting me for real. Come on, Gray. Hit me."

Gray slammed a punch into Natsu's gut.

"Wuss. Really hit me!"

Gray shouted and collided his fist into Natsu's face, splitting his lip until blood ran down Natsu's chin.

"Come on, princess!" Natsu goaded, beckoning with flames on his fingertips. "You're stronger than this."

"Not anymore!" Gray yelled in frustration.

He tried to throw another punch, but he lost balance on his legs and fell to the ground. The jolt hurt way more than he knew it should, a surge bubbled up from his stomach, and Gray leaned over. Blood and bile coughed up from his stomach.

"Fuck!" he screamed. His hands covered his bloody mouth. "Is this really it?" he cried. "Is this all that's left of me? Goddammit!"

Natsu dropped to one knee. "Gray?" he asked in worry. "Is it your stomach?" He began to reach forward.

Gray slapped his hand away, streaking it with his own blood. "Don't you fucking _touch_ me!" he seethed. However, two seconds later, Gray's eyes rolled back. Natsu caught him before his head fell backwards.

"Gray?" he whispered, cradling that cold body. He could smell the blood and feel the shuddering breaths of air near his face.

Gray looked up at Natsu with gritted teeth, his mouth dripping blood, and scorn crackling in his eyes. "Damn you," he muttered before losing consciousness.

"Lucy!" Natsu shouted back. "Run back to the hospital. Get a stretcher or ambulance or something. He's bleeding from the stomach again."

"You both take things too far," she scolded to cover over her fear. Lucy quickly brought out a silver key. "Open the Gate of the Charioteer! Auriga!" A man with a grand chariot appeared. "We need to hurry to the hospital," Lucy ordered as she climbed onto the chariot with the Celestial Spirit.

"My chariot is the fastest transportation in the Spirit World," the man declared, and together they sped off through the streets of Magnolia.

On the ground, Natsu held Gray, resting the black-haired head on his warm shoulder. "Stay with me," he whispered. "Bastard, if you die in my arms again, I'll kill you for good. I'm not restarting your heart again. I'm serious. Don't … don't you _dare_ die on me."

Natsu looked down with pained eyes and moved the strands of hair from Gray's face. Gray looked in pain even asleep, and it made Natsu want to protect him. When he heard a soft groan of agony, it felt like something was burning in his chest.

"This is hell for us too, you know," he whispered. "It hurts to hear you say you want to die. It hurts all of us. Get it through your glacier-thick skull: we don't want you to die. Stop this. Just … stop it. It hurts … it hurts all of us to even think about losing you. Asshole."

Natsu rubbed Gray's cheek with the back of his fingers. In the silence, he lost track of everything around him, staring at Gray's face.

"Gray," he whispered.

He wiped away some blood, gently swiping his thumb over Gray's half-parted lips. His thumb lingered, feeling soft breaths and warmth from Gray's mouth. This breath, this warmth, meant life! He let his thumb linger on Gray's lips, feeling this confirmation of life persevering. Suddenly, Natsu yanked his hand away.

"Goddammit, what the hell is wrong with you?" he muttered under his breath, but he was not fully sure if he meant what was wrong with Gray, or with himself. "No use just sitting here." Natsu got a strong hold of Gray's body and stood, carrying him bride-style back down the bridge. "Damn, you're heavy," he grumbled.

Gray coughed in his sleep, and Natsu heard gurgling in his damaged lungs. Was blood filling the lungs again? He needed to hurry. He shifted Gray's head so it would not dangle and cause Gray to choke more. He rushed forward, hoping to cut down the traveling distance for anyone coming to help.

A few blocks down, Natsu saw Lucy returning on Auriga with three medics. That had a stretcher and laid Gray on it. When they saw Gray and listened to his chest, one said they needed to hurry. A tube was carefully threaded into his mouth and down into his lungs, siphoning blood out of the lung. Another medic put a mask over Gray's face that pumped oxygen for him to breathe. The third placed her hands over Gray's chest, and a warm magical glow flowed into him.

Natsu stood back, watching these medics work right there, in the middle of the street, to save Gray's life. He saw other people stopping to stare at the trouble.

Natsu lashed out at them, "What are you looking at?" The flames in his eyes scared them, and the pedestrians scurried off.

Auriga's chariot was barely big enough for Lucy and the medics, but Natsu stood back.

"You guys go on," he said. "I'd just get sick. I'm heading home, Lucy."

"I'll tell you later how he's doing," she promised. "Auriga, go!"

Natsu watched them speeding away, and privately he was glad Lucy rarely called out that Celestial Spirit. Just looking at the chariot made Natsu queasy.

"Take it easy, ice princess," he muttered. "Get better, and stop doing stupid things. Stop worrying us and focus on healing yourself. You pulled through. You're alive. You're strong, Gray. So please…"

His words faded. Please, what? What did Natsu want? These feelings confused him. All he wanted was for Gray to get well enough to come back to Fairy Tail … right? Even if he could not do missions like he used to, they could have fun together. They had done plenty of missions that did not call for fighting.

No more fighting.

No more brawling with Gray.

No more defeating monsters together.

Natsu's chest hitched, and he tightened his fists. He never realized what a major part of his life Gray had become until it was stripped away from him so suddenly.

"Gray," he whispered wistfully.

He wanted life to go back to how it was—

—and that would never happen again.

Natsu turned sharply and stomped back toward the forest and his house with Happy.

* * *

That evening, Lucy gave Natsu the bad news.

Gray's escape and overexertion caused a surgical seam in his small intestines to rupture, and his lung wound reopened. Then, either from all the movement, his fall, or the rough ride back, the nerves in his injured spine shifted. Instead of seventy percent sensation in his right leg, Gray now had only thirty percent. He could no longer even stand.

Gray needed surgeries on his intestines, lung, and spine. However, doctors could not operate at all until his blood count stabilized, and all this excessive bleeding was not helping. When Natsu heard that, he marched back to the hospital and volunteered to give more blood. He wanted Gray to pull through this, and he did not care what he personally sacrificed, so long as Gray would one day come back to Fairy Tail.

So the surgeries were scheduled. They patched his intestines and lung easily enough, but the operation on his spine was dangerous. There was no guarantee it would even work, and a chance Gray might lose all feeling in both legs. However, the alternative was to do nothing, and Gray would definitely never walk again. On the chance that maybe, one day, he could at least stand on his own, Gray opted for the surgery.

Natsu did not visit him before the operation. He stayed at home, brooding in uncharacteristic silence. Although he never considered himself to be particularly religious, he gazed out his window at the storm clouds gathering in the west, making the autumn forest ominously dark, and he muttered a supplication to whatever might be out there.

"Please let Gray get better. Please let this work!"

* * *

The next morning, Makarov announced to the whole guild that the spine surgery went well, but the damaged nerves needed time and therapy to heal. The damage was so bad, if not for magical healers, Gray would have been paralyzed from the waist down. Now, he had a chance at regaining one leg … someday. The pressure was off the nerves, but it would take time to regain full sensation.

Natsu went to the hospital that afternoon. He sat by the stiff bed, silently staring. Gray was unconscious on strong medications, since the nerves were in a fragile state and intensely painful. Still, Natsu sat by his side and watched the chest rise and fall. He looked at the bag of blood dripping through a tube and into Gray's artery to replace what he had lost. Natsu briefly wondered if that was his own blood that he had donated.

He finally stood and walked right up beside the bed. Gray had that peaceful look again, like the first day he was brought here, a step away from death. The feelings of that day returned, and Natsu looked nervously toward the recovery room door. It was shut to keep out noises. They were alone, and it was a little too quiet.

He sat on the mattress right beside Gray and felt the chill radiating off the pale skin. He watched Gray breathing. Then Natsu put both of his arms next to Gray's shoulders and leaned over him.

So long as he kept breathing, he would live. That was the most important thing now. Keep breathing! That first day, a machine had forced Gray to breathe and live. Now, he breathed on his own. Despite the extensive damage, his lungs were working.

Natsu wanted to feel that breath, make sure it was real, and Gray really would survive this. Hardly thinking, he leaned over until his face was directly above Gray's. Their breaths mingled together, hot and cold.

This was what Natsu wanted: reassurance that this precious life would go on, that he had not lost Gray, and one day…

One day…

Natsu's eyes hid behind his pink bangs as he examined every detail of Gray's face. He felt a strange warmth, a heat he had never experienced before. Something tingled in his chest, like a tiny flicker that wanted to spread, but Natsu feared this sort of fire.

And he felt something more.

Possessiveness!

He knew it was a trait of dragons, to hoard their treasures. Igneel did that all the time. He did too, to be honest. Natsu's house was crammed full of treasured memories. However, feeling this way toward Gray was strange, and it scared him. He had felt possessive over things, concepts, even ideals like protecting the smiles of his friends, but never toward an individual person.

He watched the Ice-Make wizard's lips as the breaths slowly came in and out. His fists clenched as he felt like he wanted to claim these breaths, this life, this very soul. That was wrong, though. Igneel once told him, even if he fell in love—and there was _no way_ this was love—nobody should claim ownership over a person.

Still…

For how much he had always felt a deep-seated rivalry toward this man, Natsu never wanted to lose Gray.

He closed his eyes tightly as tears slipped down his cheeks, and he shivered from the heartbreaking memories of seeing Gray close to death. The memories haunted his dreams. The sight of that blood was a nightmare, and he never wanted that to happen again. Even if he had to forcefully claim and protect the ice wizard, he never—ever—wanted to see Gray suffer like that again.

"Don't die on me, Gray," Natsu whispered. "Don't you dare ever leave me, asshole."

Without thinking, he leaned in closer, and his lips got nearer to Gray's. Softly, Natsu's lips barely brushed against the sleeping mouth, just enough to feel that, despite the cold breaths, Gray's lips were quite warm. It was a sign of life. Warmth, breathing, a beating heart. He was alive! That was all that mattered. He would live through this, and what happened afterward, they would deal with it together.

Natsu suddenly stood up and covered his mouth.

Did he really just … to Gray…

"Sorry," he whispered in shame. Kissing an unconscious person! Really, he was the worst! "That … it wasn't a kiss. I was just … checking. That's all. Why the hell am I explaining it? It's not like you can hear me."

He gazed down at the sleeping body for a moment more. That flickering in his chest grew hotter, but he struggled to quench the flame. Whatever that flicker was, it scared him.

Having Gray so close to death, fearing every day that Makarov might announce the worst news of all, the loneliness of being amongst friends but not having his rival there to antagonize him … that was all this was, right? Just weird emotions and wanting Gray to get well. Yet when Natsu placed his hand over the cold, limp fingers, the flicker warmed his chest again.

What was this?

Why did he fear it?

Natsu shook his head. Gray always messed up his mind. Now, even though Gray was unconscious, Natsu was annoyed by something the ice wizard was doing to him.

"Whatever," Natsu sighed aloud. "Heal up, Sleeping Beauty."

Natsu stepped aside, turned off the lights, and left the hospital room.

* * *

Gray was in a dark dream. He swam in blood. The sky had no stars, just a silver moon, so perfectly round, a solid color that shined on the red sea in steely coldness.

He felt himself sinking. Something had his legs. He could not move, and it was pulling him down, down, into blood and darkness. He could taste the blood as it went over his head.

He slipped below the waves, thrashing, fighting, but all in vain. He struggled against the sinking sickness and pressure in his lungs as his body prepared itself to die.

No! He did not want to go like this.

Then something swam up to him in the red water, something warm and bright, so bright it turned the crimson water pink. Lips pressed against Gray's mouth, and hot air filled his lungs. The breath was sweet, the lips soft and warm. Then this pink creature of fantasy pulled away, but not before giving Gray enough air to fight and the encouragement to go on.

He struggled back to the surface, fighting, swimming hard, until finally his head came above the bloody waves. He gasped for air. When he looked around, nothing was there. He was alone again.

The touch to his legs was back, but this time, instead of greedy hands pulling him down, the hot hand guided his body through the blood sea, over to land and safety. Then those gentle hands pulled away. Gray saw only the pink glow under the crimson waves, but he knew it was the same creature. The warmth drifted back off into the ocean, leaving Gray stranded on the lonely island.

"Wait!"

* * *

Gray sat up in bed, wide awake now.

He looked around. He was still in the hospital. It had been nothing more than a dream.

However, when Gray reached up to his lips, remembering that kiss, his mouth felt a lot hotter than usual. Then suddenly he heard a door shut. He jolted over at the sound and just barely glimpsed pink hair walking down the hallway.

"Natsu?" he asked. His hand went up to his mouth again. "What the hell sort of dream was that?"

**Next Chapter: "Warmth of Summer, Cold of Winter"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The celestial spirit Auriga the Charioteer is an OC created for my GraLu story "I Leave You, My Pride."_


	6. Warmth of Summer, Cold of Winter

_"What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness."  
― John Steinbeck_

 

* * *

The surgery on Gray's spine was successful. His internal organs finally healed, and after four months in the hospital, the doctors deemed him well enough to return home. He was in a wheelchair, though. Despite the successes and medical miracles, Gray could only walk for a few minutes, and then he needed crutches, dragging his dead leg along. Replacing the leg was still an open option, but for now Gray suffered through it. He remembered seeing Ur and the ice leg she created to replace what Deliora took from her. He really did not want to lose a leg like she had…

… Even if that meant his leg was useless.

It was no surprise that he missed the S-Class trials that December. His only reprieve was that Natsu was not picked this time. When the Dragon Slayer loudly protested, Makarov explained that he felt Natsu needed more time to mature. In the end, no one passed.

Winter was Gray's favorite time of the year, but wheeling himself around in the snow was too difficult. He watched the white world from his window, staring out at the holiday lights, listening to carolers, and glaring coldly at all the fun he was missing.

On New Year's Eve, Juvia insisted that he had to come to the guild, and despite his protests, she wheeled him there. Everyone was happy to see him, they were in the midst a big party, but Gray did not feel like celebrating. Although Natsu ran up to him, flinging compliments and insults mixed together, Gray knew all he could do was shout at the Dragon Slayer.

He could not fight. Not anymore.

Plenty of people came up to him. He had missed them, but he hated the sad looks in their eyes. He hated how they looked at the wheelchair first, and then to his legs, and finally up to his eyes. He hated having to look _up_ at everyone.

When he pulled out his crutches and stood, Mira and Lisanna began to fret over him. He felt anger boiling inside. Even if his left leg was dead and he could barely feel the right leg, he could at least _stand up_. Then Elfman slammed a hand on his back, saying that fighting to overcome injuries was manly, but that powerful strike knocked Gray over. Mira caught him, and Juvia rushed forward with the wheelchair. Gray did not bother to try standing again.

They counted down until midnight. Juvia asked if she could kiss him, and Gray placidly let her. She was thrilled beyond belief that Gray finally gave her a New Year's kiss. Then Cana also kissed him, surprising Gray with lips—and tongue—tasting strongly of beer, which led to a fight between her and one hellishly enraged Juvia. Gray watched as Natsu was about to kiss Lucy, and she held up Happy to hide from his attempt. However, then Loke appeared in a flash and stole a kiss from her anyway.

It was such a typical Fairy Tail party, but Gray felt like he was a stain on everyone's happiness, stuck there in his chair, watching the happiness around him, while he was stuck in his bubble of uselessness and depression.

As always, a fight broke out. Gray wanted to join in. He flung balls of ice at people, but when he got hit and nearly knocked backwards in his chair, Juvia fretfully wheeled him out of the fray. She stood in front of Gray and protected him with her water.

He could not even join in with a simple brawl. Others had to protect him.

"Juvia," he said softly. "It's after midnight. Take me home."

Juvia's eyes lit up. "Gray-sama wants to take Juvia home?"

"I want _you_ to take _me_ to my house. Then leave!"

"Gray-sama is so shy."

He rolled his eyes, not even in the mood to bother with her.

Natsu was in the middle of fighting Gajeel, but he saw the wheelchair moving out of the guild.

"Gray," he whispered sadly. This was all supposed to be a big, fun day to cheer him up after his injury, celebrating the start of a new year and a rebirth of their team. Instead, Gray looked even more gloomy.

Life could move on for everyone else, but Gray's life was changed forever.

Natsu reached up and touched his mouth. Memories of that kiss haunted him. He easily dodged a metal pole from Gajeel.

"I'm done for the night," he muttered, and Natsu began to head for the door.

"What's up, Salamander?" Gajeel barked. "Surrendering? Giving up already? You're as boring as that snowman."

Natsu suddenly spun around and punched Gajeel in the face, sending him flying. Flames burned in Natsu's eyes.

"Don't you dare say anything like that about Gray," he seethed.

He realized people were staring at him. He heard their whispers. ' _Since when has Natsu cared that much about Gray?_ ' The flicker in his chest had surged for just a moment, but now he fought it back down. Ashamed and confused, Natsu turned and ran out into the midnight snow.

* * *

Juvia got Gray home, although he could tell she had to struggle to push the wheelchair through the snowy sidewalks. He probably could have done some magic, maybe created a sled to ride on instead of the slippery wheels, but he felt too upset. He had not wanted to come out here to begin with. Juvia dragged him out, so she could drag him back. Perhaps a little struggle would make her understand why Gray had pretty much barricaded himself inside his house.

They got inside, and she pushed him to the bedroom. Juvia offered to help him get ready for bed, but he snapped at her to leave. The last thing Gray wanted was more help. Deep down inside, he knew they all meant well, but having to rely on others was not his way. He had lived alone for so long. He used to do missions alone before being forced into a team with Erza, Lucy, Happy, and—of all people—his rival Natsu. As fun as those times had been, now the memories were painful.

They really had gone through a lot of fun and crazy adventures together. It was the best time of his life.

That would never happen again. Maybe he could still be a member of Fairy Tail, but if he could not walk, he could not do the more challenging missions.

"Maybe I should befriend an Exceed and have him fly me around," he muttered to himself.

Gray rolled himself to the bathroom, carefully shifted himself from the chair to the toilet, did his business, then rolled to the sink to wash his face and brush his teeth. He rolled over to the bed, but as he began to shift his body from the wheelchair to the mattress, his hand hit the breaks on the chair, the wheels moved, and he fell, landing on his bad leg and instantly collapsing to the ground. The jolt sent blinding white pain through his spine, where the nerves were still healing, and he screamed in agony.

He heard pounding at the door, and Juvia shouted in, "Gray-sama? Gray-sama, are you hurt?"

He breathed through hisses as the pain lingered, making his stomach ill from the intensity alone. Tears involuntarily streamed down from his eyes.

"Dammit," he growled. His fist punched into the wall. "Goddammit!"

There was the sound of water, a puddle slipped under his door, and Juvia reformed on the other side. She rushed to the bedroom and knelt beside him.

"Gray-sama! Gray-sama, are you okay?"

"Of course I'm not okay!" he snapped.

She grabbed him under the arms and hoisted him to the bed. She had to readjust his bad leg, which hung off the bed uselessly. "Juvia should have stayed. Juvia can help. Juvia _wants_ to help Gray-sama."

"I don't _want_ you," he bellowed in pain and angry. "I don't want anyone. I am _sick_ of seeing nothing but pity. Just…" He sighed and turned his head aside into a pillow. "Just let me be alone for a few days," he said softly. "Let me have some peace and quiet."

Her bottom lip quivered, but she backed off. "Juvia does not mean to bother Gray-sama. Please take care, and good night." She dipped down swiftly, kissing him on the top of his head. "Please get well, Gray-sama, and be safe."

He said nothing as she left again, but it was attitudes like that which annoyed him to no end. People kept telling him "Get well soon" and "I hope you feel better."

If the pain could be erased by just a few words, life would be easier.

However, the pain never went away completely. Either his leg, his stomach, his chest, or just the sickening memories of being shot, physical and mental pain, none of it ever completely went away.

"Is this really how it's going to be?" he asked aloud. He glared at the wheelchair. "Like this? For the rest of my life?"

He looked down at the dead leg. Although Juvia had tried to adjust it, the leg still felt strange. He shifted it a little more until the pain in his hip eased. He felt nothing. The weight of his own leg was surprisingly heavy. He had built up his muscles in both arms and legs. Now, he wondered if his leg would simply wither away.

"Maybe I should cut it off," he muttered. He poked the leg, but still, he felt nothing. "Why hold onto it?"

He knew why, though. He lost a lot that day. Not just his ability to walk. He lost his pride. He lost to that dark wizard, and then Natsu defeated the enemy for him, so in a way he lost to Natsu. He did not want to lose anything more.

* * *

It was another snowy, winter day. Gray sat in his wheelchair by the window, gazing out at the world. He had his cigarettes out, smoking one with many burned out butts crushed in an ashtray. He had quit smoking long ago when Lucy complained about the smell. He had to admit, he used to have a crush on Lucy. Now, he supposed she would never want him. She would probably pick Natsu, or maybe Loke, or who knows, maybe blonds stuck together and Laxus or Sting would claim her.

No woman would want some invalid like him.

Well, maybe Juvia still would.

Maybe he should just give up and let Juvia have her way. He did not really love her, she annoyed him too much to feel that way, but he did not dislike her either. He hated feeling so lonely. So far, she was the only one who still visited him frequently.

Still, she had not been by in days. She warned him that she was taking a mission. She looked guilty for leaving, but he knew that she needed to make money.

Gray was just glad that his rent was cheap and he had plenty of savings built up in the bank. Those savings were supposed to go toward a vacation he had been planning for this winter. He had wanted to go with Erza, Lucy, and Natsu up to a mountain resort for a week of skiing.

That obviously would never happen.

He wondered if the rest of their team went on the trip anyway and just did not tell him. Why should they tell him, anyway? It would just be bragging. He did not want to hear about how much fun they were having together, and Erza seemed to understand how he felt. She was keeping the others back, hoping someone who was sweet like Lucy would not make Gray feel smothered, and someone as hyper as Natsu would not accidentally hurt Gray's feelings.

Part of Gray was glad they were not around. It only made him feel deeper how much he was missing out. It made him remember the past, how much fun they had, and that only drove home the fact that he would never have fun times like that again.

Still, another part of Gray missed them. Lucy's smile lit up any room. Erza was like a big sister. Natsu was annoying, but he cared, and he had always pushed Gray to be stronger. Without them around, life was too quiet.

He took a puff on his cigarette and let the smoke slowly drift out. He really had increased his smoking over the past few weeks. He used to only smoke a couple cigarettes a day. Now, he could easily go through a whole pack. Juvia happily bought him more, but he could see that the smell annoyed her. It had _really_ annoyed Natsu back when he first began to smoke. Maybe that was a reason he started. The smell was like an instant Dragon Slayer repellent. It was relaxing, and it kept away Natsu.

Natsu…

Whenever Gray thought about that flame-brain, he thought about that day in the hospital, right after his spine surgery. He had been groggy, but he remembered the strange dream vividly. A mermaid-like version of Natsu had saved him from drowning in a sea of blood. How accurate! However, the mermaid then left him on a deserted island and swam away.

Also damn accurate.

Gray had been saved from death, but he felt isolated now. He could not move around in all that snow. He hated the looks people gave him, the pity in absolutely everyone's eyes at seeing someone so young stuck in a wheelchair. Either pity or annoyance. Since he needed room to move around, since he rolled along slower than people could walk, since he was a _nuisance to society_ , as one rude businessman had shouted, some people got angry at him for simply existing and being in public with his bulky, slow wheelchair.

Angry hatred, he could take. Those sorts of people were just assholes. The pity was what ate away his soul. People who sympathized for him usually meant well. They simply did not realize how nonstop pity could be tedious, if not outright repulsive.

He was saved, but now he felt abandoned, and the pink mermaid who rescued him had left him alone to slowly wither away on his island of solitude.

But there was more that day than the dream.

There was that warmth on his lips.

It bugged him sometimes that he wondered if Natsu had kissed him, just like how the mermaid in his dream had breathed life back into his lungs.

Kissed? He was not sure if Natsu had ever kissed anyone before in his life, besides Happy. Anyway, who wanted to be kissed by a sulfur-breath idiot like him? How stupid!

Gray's hand went up to his mouth. When was the last time he had kissed someone? He used to date girls from time to time. Maybe he was never as popular as Loke, but only because he was not so bad as to date eight girls as once. Still, he had experience, he knew how to kiss them to make them melt, and he remembered the fun of finding some girl while on a mission, just some meaningless night of pleasure. Loke was partly to blame for those flings. Loke was the one who hooked Gray up with his first serious girlfriend after declaring it was a shame that a guy as handsome as Gray was still a virgin.

Gray wondered if Loke knew any girls who did not mind having a boyfriend with paralyzed legs. He also suddenly wondered if he could get hard. He had not had the urge at all since the injury. He glanced down to his crotch as that thought scared him.

The injury had been almost five months ago. He had no morning erections that whole time. He had not felt any desire to masturbate. He had not even thought about wanting to feel that pleasure.

What if he couldn't?

What if the injury had somehow affected there as well?

There was, of course, one way to check, but Gray felt repulsed at just the thought. Jerking off as a science experiment? Sheesh! He was also slightly scared. What if it was true, and he lost his ability to get erect? The possibility terrified him.

Something caught his attention. He looked out the window and saw bright pink amidst the snowy white world. Next to the pink was furry blue. Natsu and Happy walked up to Gray's apartment and apparently convinced the landlady to let them come inside.

"What the hell is _he_ doing here?"

A minute later, there was a knock on the door.

"It's unlocked," Gray called over.

The door banged open, and Natsu marched in. "Oh jeez! It reeks in here." Natsu held his nose and waved his hand at the smoky air around him. "Are you smoking again? You shouldn't, not with your lung this bad. Sheesh, smells like you've smoked a thousand cigarettes. Cheap ones, too. Gah! Open a window or something."

"What the hell do you want, flame-brain?" Gray grumbled.

The pink-head looked over to his friend. "Happy."

"Aye, sir!"

Happy flew forward, grabbed the back of Gray's collar, and yanked him up out of the wheelchair.

"What the…? Let me go, Happy!"

"Let's go," Natsu said, still plugging his nose. He passed Gray's landlady on the way down. "Air out his place, will ya? That can't be healthy."

Gray tried to struggle, but Happy had years of experience in carrying Natsu around even in battle, so Gray's weak flailing did not deter him. "What is this all about, you fire idiot?"

"You'll see," Natsu grinned excitedly.

"Look, at least I need my wheelchair. I can't walk, dammit."

"You don't need to where we're going, and that chair is a pain in the butt. That's why you've locked yourself away in your little fortress of frosty solitude, like the ice princess you are. You can't get around in that stupid chair."

"I also can't _walk._ "

"I told you, you won't need to. Now just shut up like a good little snowman, or else I might have to carry you princess-style again."

"Screw you," Gray growled, but he folded his arms and let Happy carry him.

They went through the town and out to Fairy Hill. For a moment, Gray dreaded that maybe Natsu was dragging him to Juvia, to have her care for him. Instead, he saw Lisanna sledding down the snow-covered hill with Mira. Then suddenly Bickslow went flying by riding inside an inner tube, laughing with his tongue hanging out.

"What?" Gray asked, seeing that all of Fairy Tail was up on the hill

"Come on, Gray," Natsu laughed. "This was your favorite day, when we'd all go sledding. Remember?"

"But … Natsu, I can't…"

Natsu climbed up the snowy hill, and Happy flew to the top carrying Gray. Lucy was eagerly waiting for them, and Erza had the steering rope to a massive sled in her hand.

"Natsu!" Gray shouted. "I can't go riding. I can't walk."

"I told you, you don't have to walk at all," Natsu assured. "Happy, set him down."

"Aye, sir!"

Happy flew over to the sled. Lucy grabbed Gray's paralyzed legs and helped to put them into the sled. He sat down with the sled perched on the top of the hill and looked down at the white slope.

"If this thing flips…"

He suddenly felt heat press up against his back. He looked around in shock to see Natsu right behind him, his legs on either side of Gray, and his arms wrapped around him to hold onto the steering rope.

"If anything happens, I'll take care of it. Just have fun, you idiot," he said.

"Wait, Natsu," Lucy cried out. "I thought I was going to…"

"Let's go!"

"Wait!"

Happy gave them a push. The next thing Gray knew, they were racing down the hill. Snow flew out on both sides of them, the icy wind blew his hair, and Natsu whooped wildly right into his ear. For a second, Gray smiled. This was like old times, playing in the snow.

"Waaaahahaha! See, isn't it fun, Gray? Uh … uh-oh, feeling sick." Natsu turned green and queasy.

"Idiot!"

Suddenly, the sled veered sideways, and they plowed into a snowbank. In the last second before the impact, Natsu grabbed Gray and pushed him down onto the sled, covering him protectively with his own body. Powdery soft snow went all over them, burying the two. Once they stopped and things settled, Natsu pushed himself up, and snow toppled from his back and head. Gray was under him, looking up with shock.

"Are you okay?" Natsu asked worriedly.

Gray looked at the pink hair and those squinty green eyes. He felt the weight of the Dragon Slayer on top of his body, and that warmth radiated down like a blanket in winter. "Y-yeah," he whispered. Then he snapped in annoyance. "Hey, get off me!"

Natsu burst out of the snow, and he pulled the whole sled, Gray and all, out of the snowbank.

"What's the big idea, riding down that hill when you know you get sick? Are you really that much of an idiot?"

"I'm not an idiot, asshole! I just wanted to have fun with you again. Do you realize how boring it's been without you around to annoy me?"

"I can't walk!"

"I don't give a crap about that. In a wheelchair or on your own legs, you can still be there and make things more fun."

"Fun?" Gray cried out. "What's so fun about us always fighting?"

"What the hell do you mean? It's _always_ been fun, right?"

Gray stared in shock. "Always? What, are you some kind of masochist or something? Do you really _like_ when I insult you?"

"I like insulting you back," Natsu yelled. "Fairy Tail just isn't the same. I didn't save your life for you to lock yourself away. I want you back."

"I can't…"

"Goddammit, Gray, we _know_ you can't walk. We know!" Natsu growled and looked away in frustration. Then he knelt beside Gray. "We know that, idiot," he whispered. "We still want you. You're still a member of Fairy Tail. You can't walk? Fine! We'll find something to do that doesn't take walking." He put his hand over Gray's leg. "If you can't use your legs, then I'll make you realize that you can use the rest of your body. If I have to, I'll _force_ you to realize that your life isn't over just because you can't walk."

"How do you plan on _forcing_ me to realize that?"

Natsu pouted stubbornly. "I don't know," he admitted, "but I'll figure it out. Right now," his eyes softened, "let's just have fun, like we used to."

"What if I just want to be left alone?"

"Not gonna happen," Natsu insisted. "Because I heard you laughing when we were flying down that hill. I know it was fun for you. We're gonna do it again, and again, until I see you smiling."

"Why do you care?" he whispered.

"Because…" Natsu froze for a moment as the words stuck in his throat. "Because … I care for you."

Gray looked up in confusion.

"Come on, Gray! We've been friends for ages."

"We've been rivals."

"Same thing!" he shouted. "You've been pushing me from behind since I first arrived here. It's my turn to push you along. I'm gonna do whatever it takes."

Gray turned his head away, feeling burning behind his eyes. "Why?" he hissed. "Why are you so damn persistent?"

"I already told you. We're friends and rivals and teammates. We're nakama. Do I need any other reason?"

Gray saw Lucy running forward to check on them.

"Have it your way," Gray mumbled.

"Good." Natsu stood and dusted off the snow. "He's fine, Lucy. Just an idiot and stubborn."

"Natsu, you're the idiot here!" she scolded. "You know you get sick on transportation."

"Yeah, but I wanted Gray to smile again," he insisted.

"Sheesh!" she sighed, rubbing the strain out of her forehead. "Well, can you pull him up the hill? It's my turn to ride with him now."

Gray stayed seated in the sled as Natsu trudged back up the snowy hill for another run. Despite himself, as he saw all of his friends again, saw them laughing and slipping all over the place, he had to smile.

"Hey, Gray!" Jet shouted over. "Can you make an ice ramp? That way we can go flying off the ramp. You do that every year."

He nodded and put his hands together. "Ice-Make: Ramp!"

Beside the snowy hill formed a sparkling slide of crystalline ice going all the way down with a curve at the end. Jet immediately jumped on it with his inner tube, whizzed down, and at the end of the ramp he went flying into the air with a hoot of joy before crashing into the snow below. Levy went down the ice ramp and flew into the air. Jet managed to catch her before she hit hard. Then Gajeel jumped on, got sick on the way down, and collided heavily right into both Jet and Levy. All three collapsed into a pile.

Wendy clapped her hands. "That looks like such fun. Let's try it, Carla."

"I'm not going on that," the Exceed exclaimed.

Romeo walked up to Wendy. "My sled is big enough, if you want to ride with me."

Wendy blushed brightly. "Oh … th-th-thank you, Romeo."

As he watched others slide down his ramp, Gray laughed softly. Maybe he was useful after all.

"That's what I wanted to see."

Gray jolted and looked over to see Natsu smiling at him. However, the Dragon Slayer turned away quickly. Gray watched him, thinking Natsu was acting a lot stranger than normal.

Cana suddenly sat down behind Gray. "We're going for a ride, snowman."

"Hey!" Lucy shouted. "I said it was my turn!"

"You're as jealous as Juvia," Cana complained.

Lucy puffed out her cheeks and folded her arms. "It's _not_ jealousy! Don't put me on the same level as her."

"Then see ya!" Cana pushed off and slid down the snowy hill, riding behind Gray. She guided the sled with ease, and they came to a smooth stop at the bottom of the hill.

"You're pretty good at sledding, Cana," Gray complimented.

"I might be drunk most of the time, but I'm still able to drive straight." She stood and waited for Gray to get off the sled. It dawned on her belatedly that he could not stand up. "Ugh, don't tell me I have to drag you back up the hill," she moaned. "Damn, I didn't think about that."

Gray's eyes drifted to the side. For how fun it was, he still had to rely on others. He did not like that at all. He had been alone for so long, he was used to being completely self-sufficient.

"I've got him!"

Gray was shocked to see that Natsu had raced down the hill. Cana left Gray to him, and Natsu grinned as he grabbed the sled rope.

"I'm only doing this two more times, got it?" Natsu insisted. "Make sure you ride with Lucy. She really wanted to have fun with you. Maybe you two can hook up."

"I thought she'd hook up with you," Gray said as they saw Mira and Erza racing one another down the hill on sleds, looking fiercely competitive.

"Huh? Me and Lucy?" Natsu asked in shock. "She's like … like a sister or something."

"Same here. Like Erza."

"Precisely. Like Erza is a big, mean, scary sister."

"You're only saying that now because she's at the bottom of the hill and can't hear you."

"Hey, I'm not suicidal!"

Gray looked off at the guild having fun. "Um, Natsu … uh, that day, on the bridge. Sorry about that."

"You were just being stupid. I'm used to it."

"I really did plan to jump," Gray muttered. "When I got there … I dunno. I just didn't want to anymore. I thought to myself: what a waste! Everything the doctors did, how hard all those nurses worked, it'd be a waste if I just jumped into a river and let myself drown."

Natsu glanced back at him with sorrowful eyes.

"At the same time…" He looked down at his legs. "My life is never going to be the same."

"Who wants life to stay the same as always?" Natsu shrugged. "It's boring that way."

"Maybe," Gray agreed. "But it's not much of a life to look forward to."

"Don't talk like that or I'll bury you in the snow." Natsu frowned as he trudged up the hill. "We'll do something about it."

"I don't want to hold back the team."

"I don't mean about missions. I mean about you."

"About me?" asked Gray. "The doctors did all they can. They said I'll eventually regain the use of my right leg, but not the left one."

"And like I said, we'll do something about it. We'll find a healer who can repair damage like that."

"Makarov's already asked…"

"I said we'll figure it out," Natsu snapped. "For now, let's just have fun. We can be a group of friends and not be wizards-for-hire, right? So let's be friends. You don't need legs to be a friend. If worst comes to worst, we'll find someone who can teach you levitation magic. Hah! Then you really would float around like a snowflake princess."

"Shut up, sulfur-breath!"

As Natsu pulled him up the hill, they bickered back and forth. The rest of Fairy Tail watched with light smiles, glad to see Gray and Natsu back to their old habits.

**Next Chapter: "Pain and Pleasure"**

* * *

_Have a wonderful and safe New Year!_


	7. Pain and Pleasure

_"Face your life, its pain, its pleasure, leave no path untaken."_  
_― Neil Gaiman_

 

* * *

When the fun was at last over and friends waved goodbye to one another, eager to get back to their homes and in front of a warm fire, Natsu dragged Gray home in the sled. Happy flew along, but he was getting cold, so Natsu encouraged him to go to the guild, which was right down the hill, and warm up. He promised to meet Happy back at home.

Gray felt weird, sitting in a sled and being pulled down the street, with people looking at them oddly. However, it was better than the pity people showed with the wheelchair. Plus it was more fun.

"Yah, horsey!" Gray shouted teasingly.

"Bastard! I am _not_ your horse," Natsu shouted back.

"Yah! Yah! Giddy up, pony."

"Shut up!"

Gray laughed at making the Dragon Slayer annoyed. He always felt guilty about making Juvia take care of him, but somehow, having Natsu forced into caring for his needs was far more fun.

They reached his apartment, but the sled was large and would not fit inside. Natsu pulled Gray up onto his back, placed the sled against a storage room wall, and carried Gray up the stairs.

Natsu grumbled, "You are seriously heavy, bastard."

"Yah!"

"Stop with the damn _yah-yah_ crap."

Gray chuckled deviously.

Since he knew Gray could not see his face, Natsu also smiled. Hearing Gray laughing again was worth even carrying his heavy ass up the stairs.

Finally, they were inside Gray's apartment, and Natsu unceremoniously dumped Gray into the wheelchair.

"What do you need, popsicle pants? Hot tea? A bath?"

"I really need to warm this leg back up," he said, poking the dead leg. "I can adjust my body temperature everywhere else, but I'm never sure if it's working for my legs."

"Sure thing."

Natsu rushed off to the bathroom. He began to fix a hot bath, but then he realized that Gray was sensitive to heat. He adjusted the water to be a bit cooler, but still hot enough. Then he went back to fetch Gray.

"I'll stick around long enough for you to wash up," Natsu said as he wheeled Gray to the tub. "Do you need help getting in?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind. I've slipped a few times trying to do it on my own."

"Well, you can strip yourself. I ain't doing that!"

Gray removed his clothes, and Natsu put them in a hamper. When he came back and saw Gray sitting naked in the wheelchair, Natsu gulped. He had offered to help, but he just now realized that meant lifting Gray's naked body.

He carefully grabbed around behind the knees, easing the legs up while bracing the wheelchair so it would not roll or flip. Gray helped by wrapping an arm around Natsu's neck and shifting his lower body. Then Natsu lifted him up into his arms. Gray's body was cold, but his legs were really icy. He looked down at them with worry. The left leg was deformed, the chunk blasted out of it could not fully heal, and the skin that grew over was discolored, paper thin, and lumpy as it covered what had been torn bits of muscle and tendons. He saw a pink ice burn on Gray's toes.

"It looks like you might have frost nip," he pointed out.

"I was afraid of that," Gray frowned. He tried to look at his legs, but he was held too awkwardly. "I got frost nip a lot when I was still learning Ice-Make magic. I trained hard to learn how to adjust my body temperature, but if I can't feel my leg, I can't judge the effects of the cold."

Natsu carefully settled Gray down into the bath water, and then he lifted the left leg. Gray frowned as the movement shifted his hip. It was still an odd feeling, having no sensations past the thigh. He knew his leg was moving, he felt the effects on his upper quads and hip, but the leg Natsu held was almost not like his own.

"It's just a bit pink." Slowly, Natsu eased the leg into the water. "Does it feel okay?"

Gray scoffed softly. "I can't feel anything. My toe could have frozen and broken off and I wouldn't know."

"Oh, right," Natsu muttered, looking sadly down at the leg. "Well, it seems to be fine from what I can see. How about the rest of your body?" Natsu's eyes gazed over the muscles and scars. "Are you good?"

"Y-yeah," Gray mumbled, feeling awkward at Natsu's examination. "I'm fine, really. Thanks." He wanted those narrow eyes off of him.

"No prob! Want anything to eat while I mess up your kitchen?"

Cheekily, Gray replied, "Filet mignon with a Béarnaise sause, roasted red potatoes drizzled with garlic butter, served with steamed asparagus sprinkled with sweet basil and freshly grated parmigiano."

"Screw you! You get instant ramen."

"You make a horrible housewife."

Natsu turned away. "Shut up," he grumbled, and he stepped out of the bathroom.

Gray eyed the door. Was that … a blush? No way, Natsu was probably just flushed from all the winter fun.

As Gray soaked, he relaxed, closed his eyes, sighed deeply, and his whole body felt wonderful. Then, he felt a tingle in his groin. When he opened his eyes and looked down, he saw a troubling issue poking up to the surface like a water mushroom.

"Finally," he muttered.

It was his first time getting erect since the injury, and just that morning he had worried if maybe he was impotent now. It was a huge relief to know _that_ still worked. He reached down and touched it lightly. It felt good, just like how it always felt. However, he realized that Natsu was in his house. There was no way he could pleasure himself when the Dragon Slayer would probably hear him.

* * *

Outside the door, Natsu lingered, listening and sniffing. He could smell arousal, and when he heard Gray mutter "Finally," he guessed that this was an issue. Evergreen had teased once that since Gray got paralyzed, maybe he couldn't _perform_. Natsu frowned at even thinking about that happening to another guy. He might think of Gray as a rival, but he would never want him to go impotent.

If Gray was finally aroused, Natsu did not want to be in the way.

* * *

Gray was just lightly touching himself when there was a knock on the bathroom door. He jolted, splashing water, and instinctively covered his groin with both hands.

" _What?_ " he shouted, and his voice cracked a little.

"Hey, um … you're out of some food. I'm gonna head to the store. Will you be okay if I leave you for … say, twenty or thirty minutes?"

"Yeah," he shouted, his heart still racing.

"I'll come back to help you get out. I just want to make sure you're not going to melt in that hot water."

"Screw you! I'll be fine. Go shopping like a good wife."

"Up yours, ice princess!"

Gray listened, cocking his ear to the side. Finally, he heard his front door slam shut.

"Oh, thank God," he sighed. "Twenty minutes, huh? Perfect."

He grabbed himself and began to stroke. He knew he needed to hurry, but as pleasure tingled warmly through his body, Gray could hardly help but savor this. His fingers slid down slowly, enjoying the sensation he had missed. He closed his eyes and imagined … well, not much in particular. Gray preferred to imagine some busty, shapely woman, but this time he just stroked and enjoyed it for what it was, no daydreams or fantasies.

How long had it been? He used to jerk off a few times a week. Now, it had been months. His body felt like it was waking up from hibernation, and it was starving with a carnal craving that could not be left unsatisfied!

"Ooh God," he shuddered.

The hot bath water splashed a little with each thrust down. The wetness, the heat, the grip of his fingers: it was all so wonderful. Gray tensed up with pleasure, but he felt the odd sensation of his leg almost but not fully working. Tightening the muscles in his butt made the leg hurt.

"Oww! Shit," he hissed. He rubbed out the upper thigh just above the hideous scar, the only part he could feel now. This was going to be an issue after all.

He tried to relax and stroked some more. He found a nice rhythm and groaned, not bothering to be quiet. He would hear when the door opened again, and Natsu would probably take a while walking to the store. It was not like the fire idiot would rush back just to help him out of the bath.

"Ah … oh yeah," he moaned deeply. "Ooh that's … ow!"

He had tensed up again, and he slipped downward in the bathtub, unable to use his legs to hold up his torso.

"Goddammit, I just wanna enjoy this," he shouted in frustration.

He readjusted his body into a comfortable position, grabbed himself with even more purpose, and stroked. His brow tensed with determination. He was going to jerk off, and he was going to enjoy this, dammit! It might take some adjustments on what his body could and could not do now, but _fuck it all_ he was going to _enjoy this!_

* * *

Just outside the door, Natsu was listening. He had made it sound like he left, but he was truly worried for Gray. As he heard frustration after frustration, he felt more sorry for the guy. He knew losing the ability to walk was devastating—he honestly had no clue what he would do if this happened to him—but to also lose something this intimate…

He wanted to root on Gray, encourage him to keep trying, keep at it, and rediscover that masculine side of pleasure.

At the same time, eavesdropping as his teammate masturbated was embarrassing as hell. His mind was still in shock about that kiss in the hospital. He was not in love, definitely not with Gray of all people, so why had he done that? What the hell inspired him to _kiss_ Gray?

"Ooh yeah … ooh … shit, oww, okay don't tense the leg. Dammit. Mmmmh … oh, that's better. Ooh, much better."

Natsu deftly reached down and palmed himself. He figured this was just a natural reaction. He was listening to someone pleasure themselves, and no matter if it was someone he knew, a total stranger, or just porn, of course he would get aroused hearing this. He just needed to force himself not to imagine too hard that it was Gray Fullbuster.

It didn't work.

"Oooh … oh God … fuck, that's … damn, I wish he would've stayed away longer."

Natsu partly wished that, too. He knew he would need time to deal with his own issue. This erection was not going to go away on its own.

There was one way to take care of an erection, of course. Natsu eyed a box of tissues in Gray's home. He bit his lip, unsure about this. If he got caught, Gray would hate him forever. Still, the alternative was to do nothing, which would be painful, or to run back home and finish off, which would take too long. If he took too long, Gray might try to get out of the tub by himself. If he did that, fell, and injured himself again, Natsu would feel guilty.

He justified that, to keep Gray safe, he needed to stay in this apartment, and that meant dealing with his personal needs right here. He walked over, grabbed a handful of tissues, and unzipped his pants.

* * *

Gray was slowly figuring out what movements hurt, how not to tense up his thighs and place all muscle tension in his stomach. In a way, it was like relearning how to masturbate. The general action was the same as always, but the reactions of his body had to be slightly different.

Still, it felt so good!

Having gone without it for so long, the pleasure was even more intense. His head leaned back against the tile, panting and moaning without restraint. He completely forgot to keep an ear out for Natsu returning home. If that idiot came home now, he could just deal with it. This was Gray's home, and if he wanted to jerk off in the bathtub, he damn well could do it!

For how much he loved the feel, he knew that he would not last for much longer. Then he realized, if he came in the water, that would be bad. Natsu would be back, help him out, and see the mess in the water.

"Toilet paper, toilet paper," he hissed, feeling the end approaching.

He sat up, stretched over to the toilet, and yanked on the roll of paper. It spun around, unraveling, and Gray grabbed up a hurried handful. Part of it stuck to his wet hand, but he yanked off a large wad. Then he flopped back into the tub and focused on stroking himself.

"Oh God … ooooh damn, so close. Dammit, I wanted to last longer. So good … _ooowww!_ Idiot, don't tense the legs, tense the stomach. Still … so … damn … good. Shit!"

* * *

Outside, Natsu leaned against the wall, listening to Gray's moans coming faster, louder, no longer timid at all. His face was red and strained, with veins sticking out on his neck. His wrist worked fast, stroking his turgid arousal, feeling it heat up as his body tingled more with his racing heart. This felt naughty and exciting: the possibility of getting caught, the danger of doing this in someone else's house, the potential shame if someone walked in right now. However, he held back just a while. He wanted to listen to Gray until the end. He covered his mouth to hold back any sounds.

Gray's moans reverberated through the bathroom and out the closed door. "Hah! Oh God! Shit, so good. Yes, like … that … oh _God!_ "

Natsu tensed up. He wanted to hold back. He was aching to release already, but for some reason, maybe a sense of rivalry, he wanted to last longer than Gray.

No … he wanted to come at the same time.

He did not fully understand why, but he wanted to share in this. He slowed his stroking just a little, hovering on the cusp, shivering as the pleasure lingered and grew stronger the longer he forced himself to delay.

* * *

In the bath, Gray punched a wall. Tightening his abdomen was turning out to be far more painful than he imagined. He still had scars from the numerous operations to fix his internal organs. If he could not tighten his legs, and could not tighten his stomach, what could he do?

He now wanted this to finish quickly, before the pain killed his erection. He gritted his teeth as the tingle in his groin became an intense burn. He shuddered as it felt like everything within him was concentrating to a single point, and that nucleus of pleasure was reaching critical mass, about to explode.

"Oh … shit, yes … yes! Damn!" He cringed in a moment of pain, but the pleasure was far more overwhelming. "Oh fu- … Oh God, gonna … nnngh! Ah! Ahhhhh!"

His spine arched up, and his hand with the toilet paper moved over just in time to catch the mess shooting out. Gray's head flew back, and although that meant he slid awkwardly into the water, he scarcely cared anymore as jolts of intense pleasure flowed through him and out of him.

"Hah … nnngh … mmmh…" His whole body buzzed with the afterglow of pleasure. "Oh damn, I needed that," he groaned. He slowly pulled the wet toilet paper away and saw the large amount of milky fluid caught within. "Crap, that was a lot." He flopped back again, worn out and tingling. "Daaaamn … totally needed that."

* * *

Outside the door, Natsu was biting his hand to keep himself quiet. He shuddered as he slowly pulled back the tissues and saw how much semen was caught inside. Inside the bathroom, he heard the Ice-Make wizard huffing out in weary satisfaction.

"Gray," he breathed almost silently.

Slowly, being as quiet as possible, Natsu tucked himself away and straightened his clothes. Then he realized, he needed to throw away the tissues. If he just tossed them into the trash, Gray might find it and wonder what the heck a tissue full of semen was doing in his wastebasket. If he went out the door to throw it away somewhere else, Gray might hear, especially since now he would be listening out for Natsu's return. Natsu looked around frantically. Finally, he put the messy tissues in a plastic sandwich bag to seal it and shoved it deep into his pocket. He would just have to toss it later.

He stood in the kitchen, slumped over the sink, resting his head down in his hands as his heart slowed back to normal. He felt ashamed. He should have actually left, given Gray privacy, that way he would not have gotten aroused, done something like that, and feel so horribly awkward afterward. Now he had to face Gray, walk into that bathroom, help him out of the tub, and not act weird.

Natsu bit his thumb and looked away. Why had he wanted to come at the same time as Gray? Why would listening to Gray even get him hard in the first place? Worst of all, why had doing it this way made him more overwhelmed and feeling happier than doing it alone at home?

What was going on with him?

After a few minutes, Natsu felt he was calm enough. He tiptoed over to the front door, opened it, and slammed it back shut. He heard a splash in the tub. Gray was obviously listening for that noise.

"I'm back," he shouted.

Gray called out from the bathroom, "I'm still here. Nowhere else to go."

"You didn't drown, did you?"

"Does it sound like I drowned, idiot?"

Natsu walked over to the bathroom door, but he hesitated. He had to go in there and pretend he had heard nothing at all. Determined, he grabbed the doorknob and opened it. Steam puffed around him. Even if he had left, he would have known what Gray did. The scent of semen filled the room.

"Is my princess all right?" he asked jokingly. "Were you lonely while I was gone?"

"Screw you!"

"Well, you haven't melted. Ready to get out of here, ice princess?"

"Sure," Gray shrugged, looking perfectly relaxed. Actually, Natsu thought he looked much better. He had color to his face, a light smile, his eyes shined as he stared blankly ahead, and his overall body carriage was more serene. Deep down inside, he dearly hoped that maybe rediscovering self-pleasuring would do Gray some good.

Natsu took a brief look at the water, not wanting to plunge his hands in and get semen on him. Then he saw out of the corner of his eye, a large wad of paper in the wastebasket. So, Gray also caught it with tissues, just like he did. Natsu struggled not to smile.

Why would that similarity even make him happy?

He reached down into the water, slid his arms around Gray, and lifted him up, holding tightly so the wet body would not slip.

"How the hell do I dry you?"

"You were supposed to grab a towel first, idiot," Gray muttered.

"No one told me that."

"Then how else do you dry yourself?"

"Easy. Like this." Natsu set himself on fire. The flames went all around Gray.

"Argh! Idiot! Not me."

"These sorts of flames don't burn," Natsu told him casually.

Gray was about to protest that they would, but then he realized the flames felt only warm, not blistering. It was a strangely comforting feeling, being held by this summery body, in arms that he knew would never drop him, and the heat all around them, flames wrapping them in a column of pleasant warmth. In no time, he dried while being held in Natsu's arms. Then the flames snuffed out.

"Better?" Natsu grinned.

Gray rolled his eyes and looked away, trying to act annoyed. "Don't do that again."

"Hey, it worked, so don't complain." Natsu carefully placed Gray onto the wheelchair. "You dress yourself, though."

"I'm not totally helpless, idiot!"

"Then quit acting like you are."

Gray jolted and looked up at Natsu in surprise. He had a point. The doctors had tried to be optimistic, but they gave Gray a realistic outlook, and it was a grim thing to face. The nurses had catered to him, warning him not to move while his intestinal track was still healing. Erza and Lucy had pampered him in the hospital. Then when he got out of the hospital, Juvia kept insisting on doing everything around the house. He had slipped into the mindset that he was helpless, an invalid, his life ruined, his body broken in a way that could never be fully mended.

He knew he had been permanently weakened. He knew his life would never be the same. Still, around Natsu, that old rivalry made him want to try harder, push himself, and not give in to the pain. Just like earlier, in the bathtub, he had not wanted to give in when he hurt. It was mostly for himself, but a part of him had realized that Natsu probably jerked off whenever he pleased … if a totally immature idiot like him even knew what his penis was for besides pissing! He pushed past the pain and frustration because he wanted to enjoy himself and beat Natsu's time, finishing before he returned from the store.

"Oh, by the way," Gray said as Natsu wheeled him to the bedroom. "What did you buy?"

Natsu jolted. Crap! He forgot about that. "Turned out I don't have money on me, and I didn't want to just take yours." That was mostly true. He had maybe enough Jewels on him to buy a candy bar.

"Sheesh, if you had just asked before running off, I could have given you a little, since you're buying it for me to eat."

"Mmh. Maybe next time."

"Who says I want you over again?"

"If you keep locking yourself away like a princess in a tower, then I'm gonna come and pester you. That's what dragons do to captured princesses, ya know."

"Don't dragons _eat_ the princess?"

Natsu's face heated up with embarrassment. A second later, he realized Gray had no clue what he just said, and he had a hell of a tease coming up. He chuckled slyly, "Aww, Gray. I didn't think you'd want me to do _that_."

"Huh?" Gray realized the double entendre to his words too late. "What the hell!" he bellowed. "I didn't mean it _that_ way."

"Well, I could nibble you." He leaned over and lightly nipped Gray's ear.

Gray's hand clapped over his ear as his face turned bright red. "Stop it! That's gross."

He grinned deviously. "Do you like biting, Gray?"

"Sh-shut up!"

Natsu gave him a predatory smile. "Dragons do like to bite, ya know."

His face steamed like frost in the sunshine. "I said shut the hell up!"

They playfully teased one another through the rest of the evening. When at last Natsu left and Gray collapsed into bed, he fell asleep with a smile on his face for the first time in months.

**Next Chapter: "Fiery Fantasies"**


	8. Fiery Fantasies

_"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,_  
_Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before."_  
_—Edgar Allen Poe_

 

* * *

Gray was having a hell of a dream. He was trapped in a stone tower built on a rocky island. All around the island lay the crackled and tortured surface of a frozen lake. There was no exit from his prison but a window that overlooked the lake and a snowy field beyond, dead and barren. In the bleak sky, the clouds rolled tumultuously like angry, argent bubbles ready to burst and release Hell on Earth.

As if being captive was not bad enough, Gray was stuck in a white and pale blue princess gown, full skirt and puffy sleeves with a tiara on his head. He threw the tiara away, smashing it into the wall, but no amount of pulling would get the dress off. He was ready to just shred the fabric when the light from the window snuffed out. When he looked over, a giant dragon's eye was peering in.

"Is my princess all right?" the red beast asked in a deep and rumbling voice. "Were you lonely while I was gone?"

Gray backed away to the far side of the room, but he tripped on a spinning wheel, and the threads wrapped around his legs. He struggled, but suddenly he could not move his legs at all. They were trapped, tied together.

"Does the ice princess need some help?" the dragon asked. "You're not helpless, so stop acting like you are."

Gray still struggled to break free from the threads that bound his legs, but there was no way to walk. His fighting was in vain. The threads kept getting tighter, until he lost sensation in one leg. Suddenly, Gray began to cry. He was not even sure why. The tears streamed down, thick sobs that shuddered from deep within his soul.

"So you needed to cry, huh?" the dragon said with a hint of sadness to his voice. "That's why you've locked yourself away in your little fortress of frosty solitude, like the ice princess you are."

"Shut up," Gray yelled, still sobbing and feeling humiliated for crying in front of this strong and noble creature.

"If you can't use your legs, then I'll make you realize that you can use the rest of your body."

Gray looked up into those slit-pupil green eyes. The rest of his body? He looked down at his hands. His legs might not work, but he had the rest of his body. He used his arms to pull himself backward.

"Ready to get out of here, ice princess?"

Suddenly, there were flames outside the window, a raging inferno. Gray shielded his eyes from the intense heat. When it faded, instead of a dragon, a man with pink hair, devil horns, and a light dusting of scales on his cheeks stood in the room. He peered down at Gray with narrow, fiery eyes.

Gray gasped at the sight. "Natsu?" he whispered. His heart began to speed up just seeing the pink-haired man wearing a crimson tunic with gold embroidered wyverns, standing over him like a prince of dragons gazing down at his betrothed ice-devil princess.

With a gaze that made Gray tremble, the fiery demon strode forward. Gray tried to crawl back across the floor, but he could not escape.

"You look cute in that dress," Natsu said with a sly smile.

"Bite me!" he snapped angrily.

Natsu smirked hungrily. "Really?"

He scooped Gray up into his arms and carried him to a bed. Gray could not escape, and he felt immobilized with fear of this demonic fiend. He was dropped down onto the mattress, and Natsu climbed on top of him.

"Hey!" Gray shouted in shock.

"I could nibble you."

A burning mouth descended on him, mouthing along his ear and down his neck. Gray struggled to break free.

"N-no. Stop," he moaned as the heat made him tingle. He tried to push the assaulting dragon prince aside. In annoyance, Natsu grabbed Gray's hands and pinned his wrists to the headboard.

"If you keep locking yourself away like a princess in a tower, then I'm gonna come and pester you," Natsu threatened. He leaned in close until his lips were fluttering right over Gray's mouth. "That's what dragons do to captured princesses, ya know."

Instead of kissing him, that hot mouth moved aside, licked his cheek, nipped his ear, then slithered wetly about the shell and suckled on the earlobe.

"Natsu," he whimpered, squirming around as the hot, wet tongue lapped along his skin. "Stop." He felt himself blushing fiercely.

"That's what I wanted to see." A thick claw reached up and, in a single swipe, tore the dress in two. "How much do you want your legs back?"

Gray looked up with confusion. His legs … back?

"What would you give me?"

"Anything," he said automatically. "I'd give anything to walk again."

"I'll do something about it."

"Wh-what?" he breathed in shock.

"I said I'll do something about it. I'll figure it out. I'll make you whole, Gray. That's what you want most, right?"

"Yes!" he cried out. "But … in return?"

Those fierce, blazing eyes gazed down at him. "I want something precious. Something from you that no one else can take."

"Something … from me."

Sharp teeth grinned hungrily. "Dragons do like to bite, ya know."

The half-dragon prince lowered down to Gray's groin. The ice devil princess watched in horror, and then suddenly heat was all around his erection. Gray's hips instinctively thrust into the scalding mouth.

"Arrrgh! Natsu! Ooh God." He could hardly believe this was happening, and although one part of him wanted to say no, another stronger part of his soul wanted this feeling.

"Don't dragons _eat_ the princess?" Natsu asked as his mouth worked eagerly.

Gray shuddered and arched up. "Natsu! It hurts. _It hurts!_ My legs!"

Fiery heat ran up his legs, and he felt the spinning wheel threads sizzle away. It tingled sharply, burning with intense pain, but slowly the pain faded. Gray looked down and saw that his legs were free. He gazed at Natsu in surprise. Natsu had him here, captured, yet he had freed a part of him.

"I'll heal you, Gray," the dragon prince said in a tender voice, but suddenly his eyes narrowed, "but it'll cost you."

Gray scoffed. "If you want my virginity, you're too late to claim that, pervert."

The fire burned hotter with indignation. "No! I want something better than just sex. I want to be your first love."

Gray's eyes grew massive. First love? How could this flame-brain know that, although he had slept with a few girls, Gray had never truly fallen in love with someone? He felt himself trembling now.

Natsu slowly licked up the arousal and then grinned fiendishly at Gray. "I'm going to make you fall in love with me."

"I won't let you," Gray said quietly, terrified of this hellish demon who was not after his body, but his soul.

Natsu smirked arrogantly. "You'll _want_ to. You'll want me. You'll give me your soul, and one day, you'll beg me to take your body as well."

"Like hell! Let me go!"

"It's your tower, Gray. You locked yourself in here. You could banish me if you really wanted to." The mouth went back over his groin, laying kisses along it. "But … I don't think you want me to go, not really." He gave another long, slow, sensual lick. "Yesssss! I think you already _like_ it." He dived down, taking Gray all the way to the back of his throat.

Gray shuddered, but this time there was no pain. It felt incredible, and his legs no longer hurt. Nothing hurt. It was only pleasure, hot and wet and amazing. He gazed down, over his chest and abdomen and black patch of hair, down to where those piercing green eyes were watching him with intensity. Natsu's mouth was full and busy, but those eyes caught every twitch, every bitten lip, every vain attempt at holding back moans of ecstasy. The sucking was intense and wonderful and…

… and too much!

"Natsu!" he cried out. "No! I'm … I'm gonna— _nnnngh_ —Natsuuuu!"

* * *

Gray jolted up, breathless, sweating and … wet.

He looked down and saw a moist spot on his tangled sheets.

"Shit," he moaned.

A wet dream! He had not had one of those in a while. And … was that really Natsu in his dream? Damn that stupid flame-brain and his teasing!

Gray threw back the covers and groaned as he realized that he really had made a mess. He cursed, knowing he needed to clean this up before Juvia arrived in the morning. If she saw his sheets and pajamas messed like this, she would spout off asking if he was dreaming about her. As if!

But seriously, why the hell was he dreaming about _Natsu_ of all people?

It pissed him off. His first wet dream in over a year, and it was Natsu Furnace-Face Dragneel who had to be his nighttime succubus—or, _incubus_ he supposed was the gender-appropriate term.

Seriously, dreaming of a guy, and _that guy_ in particular! He wasn't even gay! Why would he have an erotic dream about a man?

Gray decided right there, he did not want to be around Natsu for a while. He would prefer to put up with Juvia swooning over him and calling him Gray-sama all the time, rather than have weird dreams about Natsu sucking him off. He shuddered just remembering it. He hoped this would end up being one of those dreams that faded away, only to be forgotten by sunrise.

For now, he had to figure out how to change the sheets on his bed when he could not stand.

Or … could he?

As Gray scooted to the edge of the bed, he realized something. His right leg moved with him. He could _feel_ his right leg completely. The two legs hung off the edge of the bed. The left leg was still a specter, visible but with no sensation. The right, though…

He slowly lifted his right leg. It was sore, the muscles atrophied, but the leg moved at his mental command. He wiggled his toes, and even that he could feel.

Gray laughed in amazement as he realized he had regained sensation finally. The surgery on his spine truly worked. He now had one leg back. Tears clustered in the corners of his eyes as he moved his ankles, his toes, and his knee. He laughed insanely as tears tumbled down his cheeks, overwhelmed with the joy of simply flexing his toes.

He grabbed a crutch, and he slowly stood up. There was nothing in the left leg, but he felt the entire length of his right leg. He sputtered out a wet, crying laugh. He felt intensely relieved that, at last, he had regained a piece of himself.

In his happiness, the dream of the fiery demon was forgotten, melting away with the joy of being a little more whole.

**Next Chapter: "Pretty Girls of a Northern Town"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _In other fanfics, I've employed my fascination with archetypes and dream symbolism, which I know I need to explain since very few people know about how to decipher dreams. These descriptions come from various sources about dream symbolism and interpretation._
> 
> _To dream of being alone in a **tower** is a sign that the dreamer is not in touch with certain circumstances or issues in life and needs to understand them thoroughly before taking any action. It can reflect that you are putting up a wall between you and others, shutting down emotionally, the metaphor of being "in an ivory tower." Alternatively, a tower symbolizes the phallus._
> 
> _**A frozen lake** represents frozen emotions. Water in dreams reflects your emotional state of mind, and the size and condition of the water denotes the amount and quality of emotions that may be surfacing within you. To dream that the water is frozen represents something that has been suppressed, rejected, or denied. You feel restricted by cold or bitter feelings, and you can't express your emotions freely._
> 
> _To see a **snow-covered field** signifies lack, pessimism and your jaded prospects for the future. Alternatively, it can represent your desire to put yourself above your bleak environment, whatever it may cost you._
> 
> _To dream of **dark or stormy clouds** symbolizes depression or anger. It indicates an impending eruption of emotions._
> 
> _Dreaming about a **dragon** represents your strong will, passions and secret desires. You tend to get carried away by your passion, which may lead you into trouble. Alternatively, dragons may represent a mental battle between your own internal monster as you strive to reach inner resources. A struggle with a dragon may reflect the dreamer's revolt against whatever is blocking one's path to glory. Seeing a **red dragon** symbolizes sexuality and intimacy. If a red dragon attacks you – you may get a very intimate offer._
> 
> _Seeing a **spinning wheel** in your dream may be telling you to work on putting together the pieces of your life and look at the broader picture. Spinning wheels symbolize creativity. You have the ability to create something out of seemingly nothing._
> 
> _To dream that you are **bound or tied up** represents your need to be free from a situation. According to Freud, this dream may be an indication of repressed sexual fantasy._
> 
> _Dreaming of being **paralyzed** can mean that you have a feeling in your waking life that things are not under your control and you really don't know what to do. Paralysis can also indicate that you are afraid to do or say something in day to day life. You may feel unable to deal with a situation or change anything. Symbolically, your paralysis may be rooted in your anger and frustration._
> 
> _To dream that you are **crying** signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In your daily lives, you tend to ignore, deny, or repress your feelings; however, in your dream state, your defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of those feelings that you have repressed during the day._
> 
> _Dreams about giving or receiving **oral sex** are symbolic of your creative energy and reaffirm that you are headed in the right direction in life._
> 
> _If you are not homosexual in your waking life and dream about **sex with a person of the same gender** , it represents a union with aspects of yourself. It is symbolic of self-love, self-acceptance, and compassion. For males, if you are uncomfortable with homosexuality in your dream, then it suggests some fears or anxieties about your masculinity._
> 
> _To dream that you are having **sex with a friend** refers to the closeness you share with your friend. Because you two share so much between each other and know so much about each other, the dreaming mind may depict this close bond as sex. Alternatively, such a dream could indicate a level of attraction between you and your friend, but you are too afraid to act on it. Thus your desires are manifested in a dream._


	9. Pretty Girls of a Northern Town

_"That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."  
_ ― _J.D. Salinger_

 

* * *

Gray was able to walk, but not easily. He had use of one leg, but the other was still paralyzed. He had to wear a special brace and boot, since he could not feel his foot and had accidentally broken one toe simply because he did not realize he bumped it. The brace went up to his thigh, protecting the knee from flopping and dislocating. Still, although he could not feel most of the left leg, he insisted on walking whenever he possibly could. He got better crutches from his doctor. He learned how to balance on the part of his leg he could feel, swinging the heavy weight of his left leg with the hip and guiding the leg by using the crutches to pull himself along. It was less than ideal, but Gray was glad to get out of the wheelchair as much as possible.

Still, for most things, the chair was simply easier. If he wanted to go to the guild hall, rolling along with the wheelchair was much faster than a slow and awkward hobble on his crutches. Once there, he parked the wheelchair in a corner and tried to pretend he no longer needed it.

Erza vehemently insisted that, to celebrate Gray's recovery, they would go on a trip to a therapeutic spa. Rather than have it as just the team, pretty much anyone who wanted to come was invited.

Juvia began to sob that she had already taken a mission that would take her south, in the opposite direction of the spa. Levy wanted to come with Lucy, Jet and Droy leaped at the chance to go with her, and Gajeel grumbled that he was heading north anyway for a mission so he might as well go along for a day or two. Wendy was not too sure, but Lucy urged her to come, stating that the spa had a large library on magical healing books. Romeo asked Natsu if he could go too, and Natsu realized he kept looking over to Wendy, so of course the Dragon Slayer told him to come along for the trip. That meant Macao needed to go as his father—he insisted upon it, while Romeo shouted that he was old enough to go on his own—and Wakaba was not about to lose his drinking partner.

Makarov heard about it and wanted to come, giving some excuse about arthritis. Worried for the aging guild master, Mira said that perhaps she should come too, and none of the men were about to object. Laxus got angry at Macao for giving Mira a lecherous comment, and he gruffly butted in, saying that if Makarov was going for his health, it should be his duty as the grandson to "watch over the old geezer so he doesn't croak." Since Laxus was going, Evergreen, Freed, and Bickslow followed. Since Evergreen was going, Elfman wanted to come, and since her two siblings were going on the trip, Lisanna pleaded to come along. Then because it looked like it would be a party, and that meant booze, Cana decided to come with them as well.

It was not just Fairy Tail who decided to go on this trip. When Lyon heard about it, he insisted on coming to celebrate his foster brother's recovery. Since he was going, Chelia wanted to follow him on his vacation, although she insisted she was only going because she wanted to meet up with Wendy again. Her cousin Sherry went along with her, since Chelia was underage. Since Sherry was going, her fiancé Ren—reluctantly and blushing fiercely—insisted that he should go to protect his bride-to-be from lechers. When they heard that Ren was going to a resort spa, the rest of the Trimens wanted to come, so Hibiki, Eve, and Ichiya showed up, much to Erza's horror.

It turned into a large party filling much of the train, until the conductor was at his wit's end dealing with so many wild wizards running around and destroying bits of the train cars, while the Dragon Slayers all began to puke in the bathrooms.

Finally, they arrived. Erza had planned the excursion to coincide with the city's winter celebration. A fair had brought in a large crowd, and she had hoped that the atmosphere would help cheer up Gray.

Gray tried to smile. He was glad to see Lyon again, and the two sat for drinks. It was just the two of them, like old times, no Juvia around to get in the way. Then the group headed to the spa. The therapists looked at Gray's leg and sadly informed him that, although they were trained healers, an injury that severe was simply out of their ability to heal. However, they could work on his right leg. It had gotten weaker, the nerves still bothered him once in a while, so the therapists used healing stones, had him soak in mineral baths, gave him massages that he absolutely loved, and used some magical healing that would help with the scar tissue in his lungs and stomach.

While he was hopping on his crutches from one therapist to another treatment, he saw Wendy watching on intently as one of the healers held her hands over a patient, and a warm green glow shined. He smiled at the focus the little girl had, watching and learning all on her own. When she grew up, Wendy would probably become the best healer in all of Fiore.

While watching, he saw Erza come up to him.

"Are you feeling better, Gray?"

"The massage was a huge help," he admitted. "They also realigned my spine. That took some more pressure off the nerves. My right leg feels almost normal again."

"I'm really glad," she said, truly looking relieved. "I was quite worried about you. I still am." She glanced briefly to his left leg. "Is that a new brace?"

"They're letting me try it out. It uses magic to sense what the user wants to do, like … lifting the leg." His leg lifted from the knee straight upward until his thigh was parallel to the ground and his lower leg hung down. "I still can't feel anything, but the brace seems to know what I want. The crutches are only because sometimes I think of something and don't really want to do it. It'd take a lot of practice to learn how to walk in this thing better. The problem is the price."

"I can lend you the money, if it means you can walk again."

He laughed and felt happy that she offered without a single moment of hesitation. "I think even you'd have a problem affording this brace. It's really top of the line. I'd have to save up for years."

"I can't talk to Master."

"No, I don't want to take more money from the guild funds," he frowned. "Fairy Tail already paid all the surgery bills. I can't ask for more."

"For you, Gray, we'd…"

" _I don't want it_ ," he snapped. People paused and looked back at him in concern. Gray caught himself a second later and awkwardly apologized. "S-sorry," he whispered. "I hate inconveniencing people. I feel bad enough as it is. If I dipped that heavily into the guild funds, I'd feel just awful. I'd rather be able to buy this with my own money."

"That's noble of you, Gray, but do let us help. You're not alone on some island."

His cheeks burned as he remembered that dream of mermaid-Natsu and the island, and of the tower on the island in the middle of a frozen lake.

"There's a party tonight," said Erza. "How about you finish your therapy, and we'll go down to the festival together."

"Sounds great. I want to see if they'll let me borrow the brace until tomorrow morning. It would be nice to walk around with everyone like usual."

"I can make the request," she offered.

His eyebrow lifted warily. "By _make the request_ , do you mean hold a sword to someone's throat until they agree?"

"If that's what it takes," she said firmly.

He laughed and patted her shoulder. "Then I'll leave it to you." He hobbled forward, but Erza saw that the brace really did improve his ability to walk. Other than a limp and favoring his right leg, Gray almost seemed like normal.

* * *

That night, bonfires were lit in the streets of the resort town, music played from every crossroad, and the region's famous wine flowed freely. The wizards filled the city, eating unique northern foods, playing carnival games, and dancing to the music.

Gray wistfully watched the dancers. He sat in his wheelchair, although the brace did help. Still, the journey into the main part of the town was quite a ways from their hotel, so he let Erza push him there. Now, he wanted to walk around, but he was confined to the chair. He could not just leave it somewhere or a thief might steal it. He looked around to see who was closest. He spotted Wendy and Romeo sitting together, drinking ice cream floats and laughing together.

"Hey, Wendy," Gray called out. "Can I leave my wheelchair here for a bit?"

"Sure, Gray. The shop owner here is really nice, if you want to store it here while you walk around. I can ask him. I'm sure he'd let me."

"That'd be awesome," he smiled, and he patted her on the head.

"Hey!" Romeo snapped. "Don't go treating her like a little child."

Gray patted him on the head, too. "You two _are_ little children, and you should enjoy this time in your lives."

Romeo scowled at being called a mere child. "You sound like an old man, Gray."

"I've got the wheelchair already," he laughed. He felt in a good mood, and although he used one crutch to balance himself, he hobbled off toward the sound of the music.

Wendy watched him go. "I'm glad Gray can smile again."

Romeo had to agree. Seeing his guild mates depressed made him feel useless. At least Wendy could do some healing for Gray. Romeo's fire magic could not be used to assist his injured nakama, and he had no clue how to cheer people up, when he himself had gone so many years without being able to smile.

"Did you learn anything that might help?" he asked Wendy.

"I learned how to get his right leg stronger, and a way I can probably take care of his chest pains and stomach aches, but the left leg…" She shook her head. "There's only one lead."

"Really, a lead? That's great!"

"No," she frowned. "Apparently, it's an illegal healing device. The healer I talked to had belonged to a dark guild and saw this machine in use. It would definitely heal Gray, but we'd have to find the dark guild first, and … it sounded like the device … it might be really horrible," she muttered, and Romeo saw Wendy's face go pale.

"Horrible? How?"

She looked up sadly. "To make it work, someone else…"

* * *

Gray was drawn to the music. He had always held back at dancing at guild parties. He could definitely dance, but it was embarrassing. Now, even if he wanted to dance, all he could do was sway to the music a bit. Although the brace let him walk, it was unsteady. He still felt like he was only standing on one leg, and something else was holding up his left leg. Still, it was better than sitting all the time.

A busty brunette lady swayed up to him. "Hey there, handsome. You look like you've seen action," she smiled flirtatiously. "Are you one of those wizards who came to our town this morning?"

Gray gave the lady his most charming smile. "Yeah, I am. This," he said, nodding to the leg. "I got it fighting a dark wizard."

"Ooh! Sounds like an adventure! Does it hurt?"

"Nah!" he lied. "It's healing well. Besides, I'm not about to let a little injury keep me down."

"My, so strong." She ran her hands up his arms. "Wanna dance?"

"I won't be able to do anything fancy."

Her body slid against his. "It doesn't have to be fancy to be fun."

* * *

Natsu was busy stuffing his mouth with a massive leg of some sort of fowl, juices dripping all down his shirt, his face slathered with savory northern sauce. He, Happy, Elfman, and Gajeel sat together, watching the dancing from a bench by the food vendors.

"Evergreen disappeared again," Elfman frowned, eating the largest hot dog any of them had ever seen. "It's not manly to come to a party and then lose your girl."

"Where is that shrimp, anyway?" Gajeel grumbled, scanning the crowd as he munched on fried sweet potatoes. "She's always too short. If she leaves my side, I'll lose sight of her. Hey Salamander, did your cheerleader take off with my girl- … I mean … with that shrimp?"

"She's not _my_ cheerleader," Natsu grumbled with his mouth full, "and I have no clue where Lucy went. She can go wherever she wants."

"Hey, look." Elfman pointed with the massive hot dog toward the crowd. "Gray is dancing. That's manly!"

Natsu turned around sharply, flinging juicy bits of meat all around. He gulped his food down hard as he saw Gray standing, swaying in time to the music despite balancing on the crutch. He was _dancing_! Just seeing that made Natsu smile happily, but slowly his face sank. There was a gorgeous lady dancing right up against him, and Gray had a glint in his eyes that showed his desire. He suddenly grabbed the girl around her waist and leaned into her ear. Whatever he said made the woman's eyes widen, and she licked her lips hungrily.

"He's totally gonna get laid," Gajeel said, turning back to his food and ignoring the scene.

"Manly!" Elfman declared.

Natsu felt like an icicle had stabbed his heart. He turned back around and stared ahead, lost in thoughts.

Why was it hard to breathe suddenly? Why was his stomach hurting? He suddenly felt sick. Was it the food?

"Maybe I should stop eating," he muttered.

"I'll eat it if you won't," Happy offered, gnawing a fish.

"Y-yeah," Natsu whispered in a daze. He stood up and left the table.

"Are you okay, Natsu?" Happy asked worriedly.

"Just gonna walk a bit. See you tonight."

"Don't get lost," Happy called out, and immediately he focused back on his fish.

Knowing that the therapy here had helped some made Natsu happy, but as he walked away, he kept looking at the dancers. The first lady was soon joined by a second, apparently her friend, and both girls were now fawning for Gray's attention. The Ice-Make wizard looked like this was Christmas.

Natsu had gotten a glimpse into what problems Gray was having with intimacy on a personal level. He knew he should feel happy that his teammate was still attracting ladies, despite such a horrendous injury.

So why was his stomach burning? Why did his eyes sting?

"Natsu?"

He jolted and looked around to see Erza with Lucy, Evergreen, and Levy.

Lucy came forward with worry creasing her brow. "Are you okay? You look pale."

Natsu tried to look away from the girls. "Stomach hurts. Maybe I ate something bad."

"Considering how much you've been eating all day, I'm not surprised," she said, looking like she wanted to laugh and also pity him. "Don't get sick, okay? We're all heading to the onsen tomorrow."

"Rest, if you need to," Erza told him. "There will be a party tomorrow night, too."

"Yeah, maybe I will," he said, and Natsu drifted away. "Oh, and Gajeel and Elfman are looking for you two," he called back to the other girls.

Levy and Evergreen immediately turned bright red.

* * *

The next day, their group headed to the hot springs. Gray could not take the leg brace with him this time. He was back in his wheelchair, annoyed that his moment of fun and freedom was over.

The girls went off to their side, while the men sank down into hot water and relaxed. Gray carefully removed his thigh-high leg brace and guided his leg as he shifted in his wheelchair.

"Let me help," Lyon offered. He immediately picked Gray up and brought him to the edge of the pool. "You've always been stubborn and independent, Gray. Even as a kid, you were this way."

"That's not gonna change," Gray insisted.

"I don't think I'd want it to," Lyon admitted with a laugh. "Still, I can help this much."

Hibiki watched as Gray slowly eased himself into the water, not particularly fond of the heat, but it still felt good. "I saw you with those ladies last night, Gray."

"Oh, ladies?" Macao chuckled, sitting with the older men. "Still got it in you, eh, kid?" He gave a wink. "Gotta say, these northern girls are something else!"

"Definitely," Gray smirked privately.

"I know that look," Laxus chortled. "Got laid, huh?"

"Laxus," Freed said, blushing. "Can't you say it a little nicer?"

"Why? There's no women around. It's just us men."

Bickslow laughed loudly. "Got lucky, eh?"

Gray had to boast a little. "Gotta admit, that was my first time with two girls."

"Two!" Ichiya exclaimed. "Oh, if only my perfume worked half that well."

"Manly!" Elfman declared.

Lyon still looked worried. "And it was all right? I mean … down there. It's not…?"

"It all works," Gray assured him. "I obviously can't do _some_ things, but I don't mind if the lady's riding on top."

"Way to go," Hibiki cheered, and he bumped fists with Gray.

Natsu sat on the far end of the pool, watching and listening sullenly. Two girls. Two! For some reason, that just pissed him off more. Didn't the guy have any decency? Didn't he realize that he would be leaving in a couple of days? He would never see those girls again. Why hook up with someone if there was no time to develop love and deep feelings of emotional connection? Mating was supposed to be done with a mate, not just at random. At least, that was what Igneel had taught him. Why would Gray mate with someone he did not even know and would never see again?

Why the hell was his stomach still hurting?

"Are you still sick, Salamander?" Gajeel asked.

"Maybe," he muttered.

"Don't you dare get diarrhea in the pool."

"Idiot, I'm not that sort of sick."

"Then what is it?"

Natsu had no clue. Seeing Gray with those two girls had stirred up something. Maybe this was just another sense of rivalry. When it came to sex, Gray had Natsu beaten. Maybe this was just anger that Gray had done something Natsu had not.

Gray was pressed by some of the men into telling them more details. The ice bastard looked so damn _smug_ to brag about how he managed to pleasure two ladies at once.

Stupid, horny, perverted, stripping, exhibitionist…

"I'm heading back," Natsu grumbled, yanking himself out of the pool.

"Yo, we just got here," Gajeel said. "Are you really gonna throw up or something?"

"Who knows?" Natsu muttered, walking away. He did not want to hear anything more about Gray and those northern girls.

He dressed and walked back to their hotel room. No one was around. Everyone would probably have fun all day, soaking, shopping, maybe more dancing. Natsu just wanted to go home already. He felt sick again, and his eyes were really stinging. Natsu ran to the bathroom, but he did not vomit. Instead, a sob jolted out so strongly, it felt like his whole stomach would heave.

"Shit!" he yelled. "What the hell?"

Tears streamed down. He felt so confused, and he had no clue who he could talk to. He had been feeling weird about Gray for a while now, ever since the injury. He could not get Gray out of his head. He thought it was just being worried for his teammate, but now…

What was this?

He jumped into the shower, hoping to wash away the feeling. Instead, he imagined Gray again, his voice moaning through the bathroom, those deep grunts of pleasure, and the cries of ecstasy as he climaxed. Had Gray sounded the same way with those girls? Had he felt the same pleasure? Had it hurt? He remembered hearing for himself how doing that gave Gray pain.

"Don't do it if it hurts, you bastard," he growled, remembering the sounds of Gray's painful frustration. "Don't … don't do it … with others wh-who wouldn't understand."

Natsu closed his eyes.

 _He_ understood! He would make sure Gray never hurt. He would treat him tenderly, keep Gray relaxed, softly touch him, take his time, and if anything at all hurt, he would soothe away the pain with a little heat and gentle massages. He would…

"Goddammit, why am I thinking this?" he shouted.

Natsu shook his head, trying to get the images to leave. However, he remembered the softness of Gray's lips when he had kissed the sleeping man in the hospital. He remembered holding Gray's cold, callused hand as he slept through drugs and struggled just to survive. He remembered the feel of the skin, the firmness of the muscles, the softness of flesh, as he lifted Gray out of the bathtub and held him close to dry him off with his flames.

He would treat him gently. He would never make him hurt. He would do anything to make Gray better. He wanted to protect him and shield him and heal him and _have_ him…

Natsu's hand had somehow drifted down without any conscious thought about it. He hardly realized that he was stroking himself until the pleasure trembled through his body. In a daze, he looked down at what his hand was doing.

"Gray," he moaned softly.

He would make Gray feel nothing but pleasure and happiness. He wanted Gray to smile, laugh, and have fun. Sure, he was having fun here, but … but not _this type_ of fun! Not with random girls, at least.

He wanted Gray to have that sort of fun with…

… with …

Natsu let go of his erection and slammed his fist into the wall with a growl.

What the hell was he even thinking?

With Gray? _Gray_ , of all people? Him and Gray? Seriously, what the hell? Like Gray would ever fall for him!

But did this mean he was falling for Gray?

These feelings, were they … could it be…?

Natsu's legs turned to jelly, and he slid down the wall until he sat on the bottom of the shower.

"No!" he hissed. "No, this … no way. I can't be … in … No! He'd never … to me … _never!"_ Natsu shuddered as the shower water rained down and washed away the tears. "Oh God, no. Dammit, not with him. Why?" he seethed tearfully. "Why him? Why someone who … who _hates_ me?"

Natsu burst into sobs as he realized the truth. Somehow, completely by surprise, he had fallen in love with a man who saw him as nothing more than a rival and an annoyance.

* * *

That night, Happy, Lucy, Erza, and Gray returned talking all at once. Apparently, they had gone on rides at the carnival, something they could not have done if Natsu was around. They all looked windblown and flushed when they entered the hotel room.

"Oh, hey Natsu," Lucy grinned, seeing him sitting by the window. "Were you here the whole time?"

"Yeah," he answered quietly, staring out at the carnival lights.

"Is your stomach better?" Happy asked in concern.

Natsu just shrugged with bitterness in his eyes.

Gray scoffed. "Don't tell me you get stomach sick even when you're not on transportation! Jeez, what an annoying, lame, idiotic…"

Natsu stomped over and punched Gray so hard, his wheelchair flipped backwards. Lucy gasped, and Erza quickly dropped to Gray's side, checking his head.

"Natsu!" she shouted furiously. "He's injured."

Natsu sneered down at the ice wizard. "He's fine enough to fuck two girls at the same time."

Gray rubbed out his cheek. "What the hell is wrong with you, jackass?"

Natsu just glared down at Gray and whispered with shivering fury, "Shut up, you whore." Then he stormed out of the hotel room.

Lucy stared in shock. "Natsu?" These two had argued and fought plenty of times, but Natsu had never called Gray something that awful before. He looked truly furious, and it worried her.

"What's this about sleeping around when I brought you here for healing?" Erza said in a low, dangerous tone.

Gray looked just as angry. "What I do to have some fun is my own damn business, so _shut up!_ "

Erza leaned back, honestly stunned that he had yelled at her. Lucy's eyes bugged, and Happy hid behind the Celestial Spirit wizard, crying "Save me, Lucy" and worrying that Erza might explode like an angry volcano. Instead, Erza's eyes lowered.

"Sorry. You're right. It's not our place to judge."

"Damn right it's not," he said quietly. The anger in Natsu's eyes had burned him. Gray rubbed out his brow. To have Natsu of all people snap at him like that… "Can someone get me off the floor?" he muttered.

Erza righted the wheelchair. Gray quickly rolled himself away, not wanting to be in the same room as the girls. He went to the bedroom, shifted himself over to the bed, stripped out of his clothes, and yanked the covers over him. The boasting pride he had felt that morning had all been stripped away by Natsu calling him a whore. Now he felt awful.

Did others think badly of him? Were they indulging him merely because he was handicapped now? Had those girls merely taken pity on him? Why had he agreed to a threesome, anyway? He normally was not that sort of guy. He just felt like he had to prove to himself that he could still be a man. Especially after that dream about Natsu sucking him…

Oh God, that dream!

He had almost forgotten about it, but now it came surging back. That might have been part of it. He needed to prove to himself that he was still a sexually healthy and _heterosexual_ male. He had agreed to those two ladies because he needed to know he still had it in him. If he had not been injured, he probably never would have just played around with two women he did not even know.

Was it all just to prove himself? Was it selfish and vulgar? Was Natsu right in calling him a whore? He had _bought_ those ladies' time with drinks, sweets, he bought each a bracelet they had been eying, and in return they gave him a night of pleasure. He could not even remember their names now. Had he even bothered to ask?

"Goddammit," he whispered. "What I do is my own business … flame-brain asshole."

* * *

Natsu walked swiftly from the hotel and out toward the festival. Ladies called out to him. One asked if he was interested in a _good time_. He glared at all of them. What was with the ladies in this northern town? Were they that desperate for sex? What was so great about mating? Natsu did not want some random mate. He wanted a lifelong commitment. That was what Igneel said a mate should be.

So why did he feel this way about Gray?

He needed to escape these thoughts. He went in search of Cana. If anything could make him forget this pain deep in his heart, it was getting completely drunk, and the best way to do that without people questioning his reasons was to challenge Cana. Right then, that was all Natsu wanted: to forget, to drown out these emotions, and to purge himself from the pain of knowing that he had lost his heart to a person who would never love him back.

He just wanted to forget.

He wanted to end these lonely cravings.

He wanted to put Gray completely out of his mind.

"Yo, Natsu!"

He turned slowly at the drawling call and saw Cana slumped at a table surrounded by empty beer mugs and wine bottles. She appeared to be quite drunk, even for her.

"Challenge ya!" she shouted out, sloshing a beer mug out at him.

Normally, drinking against Cana was a sure loss, and Natsu was not a heavy drinker. However, he walked over and sat in front of her. With fiery hard eyes, he declared, "Challenge accepted."

He want to forget, no matter what he did to numb the pain away.

**Next Chapter: "Care For You"**


	10. Care For You

_"Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word."  
― George R.R. Martin_

 

* * *

Gray rolled his wheelchair into the guild hall. He saw Natsu sitting in a corner, drinking something strong, his eyes already glazed with inebriation although it was barely in the afternoon. Lately, this scene had become such a standard, people glared at Cana to blame her for it. She insisted, she was not the one who suddenly turned the Fire Dragon Slayer into a beer-guzzling, depressed sloth. No one was even sure when it began. Some time after the spa trip, he just started to lose himself in alcohol, and it worried a lot of people.

Gray scoffed that Natsu had taken up drinking all of a sudden. He was an idiot, but now he was a drunk idiot. Gray was about to go over to Elfman's table, but instead, for reasons he did not fully understand, he maneuvered over to Natsu.

"We need to talk."

"No, we don't," Natsu said gruffly, hiding half his face inside a mug.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Gray shouted. "You've been avoiding me for two weeks, ever since the trip up north. Look, if sleeping with those girls bugs you that much, it's my life, so I can do what I want. Do you really think I would care if you went around sleeping with girls? I don't care. It's your business. So this, what I do, it's my own damn business."

"You're right," Natsu said softly, sipping his drink. "It's none of my business. What I think, what I do, it doesn't matter to you at all. You don't care. You don't even like me, so why should my opinion mean anything."

Gray sighed and rubbed out his head. "It's not like that, stupid." He looked worried as Natsu took another sip. "What the hell are you drinking?" He leaned forward, sniffed, and pulled back with disgust. "Oh God! Is that a whole mug of pure whiskey?"

"So what if it is?" Natsu slurred out.

"You never drink things that strong." Gray's brow furrowed. "Seriously, are you okay?"

"Okay?" Natsu mumbled. "Why do you care if I'm okay?"

"Sheesh! I'm just trying to be friendly here, but you know what? Screw you, ash-breath! You're not a fun drunk." Gray folded his arms and glanced around, trying to figure out which group would cheer him up and make him forget his troubles with the Fire Dragon Slayer.

Natsu stared waveringly into his drink. "How can you do it?"

Gray glanced over in annoyance. "What was that?"

"Pick up girls. Pretend you're okay. Pretend like it never happened. How can you bounce back so fast?"

"What other choice have I got? Be celibate? Stay depressed? You're the one who pointed out that I need to stop acting like I'm totally helpless."

"Yeah, but … but still…" Natsu's head dropped heavily down to the table. "Never mind."

"Exactly. Never mind it. I'm doing what I can. It's a living hell, but I'm trying, and I don't need you patronizing me."

Natsu just grunted, forced his head back up, and took another deep sip of the alcohol. "Hey, Gray? What did you mean back then?"

"When?"

"That day. Do you remember that day?"

"Which day?"

Natsu muttered numbly. "That day. Getting shot."

A memory flashed through Gray's mind. Pain. Agony. The fear of death. "I … I don't like to think about it."

"You said something that day. It bugged me for a while, and then I forgot about it. I've been remembering it again, though. You were trying to talk."

Gray cringed as the memories stabbed him. "Natsu, don't."

"You said, 'Don't forget,' but first you were trying to say something else. I couldn't make it out, and it really bugged me. You were trying to say something, right there at the end, and I couldn't figure it out. 'Cay-fuh-ouu' or something like that."

Gray's eyes widened in shock, and he sat back a bit further in his wheelchair.

"Careful?" Natsu wondered, his head groggy with alcohol. "Careful of what? What was it you were trying to say?"

Gray snapped in irritation, "I was dying, okay? I have no clue what I was trying to say. Just let it go, you ash-for-brains idiot!"

"I won't let it go until you tell me, ice princess." He leaned right up into Gray's face, and his breath reeked of whiskey. "What were you saying? Careful of what? What shouldn't I forget?"

"I don't want to talk about it. That day … I hate remembering it. I seriously hate it. So don't … don't _ever_ bring it up again. Just get drunk and pass out like the idiot you are and leave me alone."

Natsu sank down in his seat and frowned at the alcohol in front of him. "Gray…"

"Shut up!"

"I wanna tell you…"

"I said shut up! You're drunk, Natsu."

Natsu dropped his head, staring ahead with a melancholy face. Gray sighed in frustration. Obviously, the Dragon Slayer was drunk and wanted to talk. Maybe he needed to. Gray had spoken to plenty of counselors and psychiatrists while still recovering in the hospital, people who helped him get over his suicidal depression. Natsu had only Happy, and obviously the Exceed was too immature to talk about things like this.

Gruffly, Gray grumbled, "What is it?"

Natsu sadly looked away and whispered, "Nothing."

"Well, come on. You wanna say something? Go ahead," he snapped petulantly.

Natsu took another drink and muttered under his breath. "Damn stubborn popsicle."

"Tell me!" Gray snapped, getting annoyed. Drunk-Natsu was not funny at all.

Natsu set his cup down too hard and swung over to Gray with narrow, fiery eyes. "I had to deal with it, okay?" he shouted.

Gray looked confused. "Deal with it?"

"With you!" Natsu yelled, his voice nearly cracking.

Gray leaned back from the alcohol smell, worried that if Natsu used his fire now, he might set the whole guild on fire. However, there was not the slightest flicker. Maybe Natsu could not use magic when drunk. What the hell was he going on about this time? A few people in the guild fell silent and glanced over in concern.

"I'm the one who had to watch you get hit, unable to get to you in time. I…" Natsu looked away, and for a moment Gray wondered if he was already drunk to the point of vomiting. However, rage continued to consume the teen. "I … had to stick my hand … inside your _guts_ … and cauterize the arteries," he sneered, staring down at his fingers, vividly remembering that day. "I had to … _feel_ your intestines!"

Gray flinched, and his stomach tensed up out of instinct.

"Don't you think that _maybe_ that did something to me?" Natsu dropped his head and ground his teeth. Since that day, the smell of blood brought back horrific memories. Tears began to bead up in his eyes. "I had to … to carry you … with your leg practically _hanging_ off your body." Natsu shuddered as that long walk, carrying a friend he feared was going to die, replayed in his mind.

Gray's face was pale. He knew Natsu had carried him from that battle all the way back to a hospital. He never thought about how traumatizing that experience was for the rest of the team. Only now did he realize that the whole team had been hiding their own mental anguish, so Gray did not have to feel even more guilt.

Softer, but still seething, Natsu asked, "They never told you, did they?"

"Told me what?" he asked, wondering if he really wanted the answer.

Natsu took a sip of alcohol to calm himself before he really began to sob. "When you were in surgery, the doctors ran out of blood. The whole trip to the hospital, you were hemorrhaging everywhere. By the time we got you there, you weren't even bleeding anymore. They said you didn't have enough blood in your body, and there was no way you could live. Then they needed to do more surgery, but … but they _couldn't_. There was no blood, and you were nearly completely bled out. So I told them to give you my blood."

Gray blinked in shock. "You … donated blood?"

Natsu nodded with a seriousness in his glazed eyes. "They … they were saying they could only take half a liter, and I kept insisting to take two liters, and they were all 'you're gonna die if you give that much,' and … _you know what?_ " he yelled, and now the tears really were in his eyes. "I didn't give a fucking care!"

The whole guild was dead silent now, everyone watching. Lucy had tears in her eyes as she remembered that day. Erza's eyes were closed as the guilt of having taken off from the others to chase one of the dark wizards returned. Wendy trembled as she remembered her desperate attempts to revive Gray when he had died for a moment there on the battlefield. Happy looked down solemnly, remembering how Natsu had been so weak after donating blood, he could not even sit up in bed for a day.

Natsu's chest shuddered, and he angrily wiped the tears away. "I … I just wanted … to save you," he whispered. "Because I had to see you half dead. I couldn't get to you in time. I'm the one who had to watch … who had to _see_ that, and … God, Gray! I don't ever wanna see that again," he wept, feeling sick as the scene ran through his head, "and I will do anything— _anything_ —to help you."

Tears choked in his throat. He wanted to reach out, touch Gray, and show him how strongly he felt about this. However, he realized they were surrounded by Fairy Tail members. Natsu could not stop the tears anymore, but he still needed to say these things that had burned in his heart for far too long.

"If giving you my blood was just enough to save your life, then I will give anything to bring your life back … _completely_ ," he insisted in solemn determination. Quietly, he repeated in an oath, "I'll give anything to have you back in Fairy Tail. And I mean _anything_ ," he sneered, "because I was the one who reached into your body." His fists shook. "I was the one … who had to carry you back … and I don't ever wanna deal with that again. I don't … I _can't_ … deal with that again. I can't deal with almost losing you. I just … can't."

Gray stared, trapped somewhere between awe and anger. "Natsu," he began quietly, but the anger crackled instantly. "You have no idea what I've been through. You have … _no_ … _idea_ … how something like that feels." Gray looked aside, but the inner rage—and fear—was still there. "Remember when we faced the dragons in Crocus? There was this moment where … I don't even know what happened: got a flash of the future, some premonition, or maybe … I dunno," he raged, although he knew Ultear must have been involved. "I _saw_ … and I _felt_ … myself being killed, shot through the chest, through the body, through my fucking _head_! And _that day_ , I had to relive that. That nightmare came true! And in that weakest moment of mine, _you_ were the one who had to see me. I was defeated, and _you_ rescued me."

Natsu glanced up. He had heard Gray talk about that day in Crocus, but he never stopped to realize the implications. In that alternative future they had all experienced, Gray had died, and although it did not happen, the memories were still there, the sensations buried in his mind, feeling what it was like to die.

Gray scoffed and shook his head as he saw Natsu with an oblivious face. "Do you think you're all cool? Do you think seeing me bleeding was traumatic?" He sneered in a hiss. "Try getting a _hole_ blasted through your fucking body! Try being told you'll never walk again. Get your guts blown to bits, and _then_ you can cry to me. For right now, you're just the person who forced me to live on in shame. So stay the hell away from me." He sighed and looked away sadly. "Just … stay away."

That strange dream returned to his mind. _"How much do you want your legs back? What would you give me? I'll do something about it. I'll make you whole, Gray. That's what you want most, right? I'll heal you, Gray, but it'll cost you. I want something better than just sex. I want to be your first love."_

"I don't need your help," Gray whispered harshly. "I don't need you at all."

That stung deeper than anything. "You just need your fuck buddies, right?" Natsu said scathingly.

"Shut up!" Gray roared, slamming the drink out of Natsu's hand in rage. "What the hell is your problem? So I slept with a couple of girls. So fucking what?" he bellowed. "At least I can. At least … at least I…" Something bubbled up from deep within him. His stomach almost surged on him, and his hand went up to his mouth.

Natsu looked at him in worry. "Gray?"

"I _can't_ ," he screamed. "I … I couldn't…" He spun his wheelchair around and rolled out in anger.

"What the…? Gray, you bastard, don't run off."

Natsu chased after him and caught him in the courtyard outside the guild. He yanked the chair to a halt and slammed on the break to keep Gray from wheeling off.

"What the hell was that about?"

"It hurt too much, okay?" Gray screamed. "Those two girls … doing that with them … it hurt too much. I got them off, but they … to me … they couldn't! Two girls, and they couldn't! Because it was painful as hell. I can't even have sex!" he screamed. Gray gnashed his teeth and dropped his head. "Goddammit, I wish you really had just left me there that day."

Natsu balled his hands into fists and looked at Gray with blazing anger in his eyes. He turned Gray's wheelchair around a bit harshly so he could look in his face as he shouted, "Are you telling me I should have left you to die, abandoned you, watched you get killed, and do nothing to avenge Fairy Tail's pride? Are you saying I should have sat around at the hospital, knowing a way to save you was right there in my veins, and do _nothing_? Why?" he screamed. "Just because you can't have sex? Is sex that important to you?"

"I'll never be whole, Natsu. Never!" he shouted with tears in his eyes. "You will _never_ know what this is like."

"Dammit, Gray! I won't sit on my ass and do absolutely nothing while my teammate bleeds to death, and I won't sit around and listen to you crying that you wish you were dead! I'm not about to watch as you slip away from me again." His eyes tightened in pain, but he continued, asking, "I saved you because you're my friend. Are you telling me you wouldn't have done the same for me?"

"If you want to die…"

He pulled Gray's shirt harshly and gritted his teeth. "No! I know you. You're like me. You'd sacrifice anything to keep one of your friends alive. You wouldn't sit back and watch them die. You wouldn't! You _wouldn't_!"

Gray grabbed Natsu's hands to stop them from shaking him. "Let go of me, asshole. Get the hell away from me!"

Gray did not want to continue this conversation. He knew Natsu had a valid point. He had too many bad memories of losing those he loved: his parents, his childhood friends, Ur, so many over the years. Still, it did not make him feel better simply by knowing that Natsu had done what any Fairy Tail wizard would do.

"Every day," Gray seethed. His hands clasped together, and a magical chill frosted around them. "You have no idea of the hell I'm living _every fucking day!_ "

Lucy and others from Fairy Tail finally came out as they heard the commotion in the courtyard and the argument still raging. They stepped out just in time to see Natsu being pushed back by a ramming slab of ice. He flew backwards and slammed into the stone wall encircling the guild grounds.

Natsu furiously leaped back up, ready to run forward and fight. His eyes widen when he saw Gray's body shaking. Slowly, he pushed on the arms of the wheelchair and rose to his feet. His balance was off, his left leg was held up only by the thigh-high brace, and he stared down at his legs in disgust.

"Do you see this, Natsu?" he growled. "I can't even get up and beat the crap out of you. What do you want me to do? Tell me how I should be feeling! Should I be optimistic? 'Yay, I'm alive, I can't do a _fucking thing_ , but I'm alive!' Is that how you'd feel in my place? _Is it_?" he roared.

Natsu stared at him, panting at the emotions raging within. "Death isn't an end to the pain. Death is surrendering any hope that things might get better."

"You know _nothing_ of pain, Natsu!" Gray growled angrily, and his eyes started to tear up. "Living a life of constant agony, a never-ending hell, always reminded of that day, every little thing I do forcing me to realize that I lost my leg, lost my ability to fight … I lost my _life_ that day."

Natsu cringed as he wished he knew how to get the ice-idiot to understand. "Gray, you're still alive. So long as you're still alive, there's still hope."

"No. There's nothing. Nothing more the doctors can do. No more miracle operations. Nothing is left for me. I can't walk, can't fight, can't even have sex. A life in a wheelchair, invalid and impotent…" His chest shook with tears he tried to hold back. "This isn't what I wanted."

"We don't always get what we want," Natsu shouted. "We take what fate gives us and we make the best of it. If we don't like it, we suck it up and find something that we _do_ want."

"What I _want_ is to have my _life_ back! I'd give _anything_."

The dream replayed in his mind again.

"Anything," he whispered in anguish. "Hell, I'd give away my soul to a demon if I could get my leg back."

"And I'd give you my own leg if I thought it would help shut you up," Natsu screamed. "I'd give my life to save you."

In the doorway, Wendy gasped and covered her mouth, shaking her head with fear.

"I'll do something about it," Natsu insisted stubbornly. "Whatever it takes. I'll figure out a way to heal you."

Dream-Natsu echoed in Gray's ears. _"I'll heal you, Gray, but it'll cost you."_

"Like hell I'd agree to that!"

Natsu cocked his head in confusion. "Agree to what?"

"No!"

Suddenly, the wheelchair moved from the outburst, and Gray lost his balance. Natsu saw Gray falling and raced over to catch him. He dived forward, barely grabbing Gray in time. Natsu collapsed to the ground, using his own body to break Gray's fall.

Gray cringed in pain. He glared up at the sky. He had stared at the sky on that day, wanting to fly away into it and away from the pain. Now he was stuck here, and the pain never fully went away.

Natsu's face leaned down over his, those sage-green eyes tense with distraught, just as they had been on that day. "Are you okay?"

Gray scowled and looked away. Why was Natsu always getting into his face? Why was he always there when Gray felt weakest?

To the side, he heard mutters of worry. He looked over and saw the crowd that had gathered to watch.

"Don't you see, Natsu?" Gray whispered in shame. "Just look at them. Those are the faces I see all the time. That's what I'll see for the rest of my life." He scoffed in disgust. "Do you really think I enjoy living with those faces always staring at me and seeing nothing but some pitiful cripple?"

"Huh?" Natsu looked over to the guild hall door. The members of Fairy Tail stood back and watched, feeling sympathy for Gray. Natsu saw the pity in their eyes, and for a moment he felt anger. Why would they look at Gray this way? Why were they staring? It annoyed him. Then he wondered how Gray must feel about seeing these looks all the time.

"I hate it," Gray whispered. He buried his face into Natsu's chest, wanting to avoid those stares. "I hate how they stare at my legs. I hate the whispers. I hate feeling like I'm living only to having everyone feel sorry that I'm even alive."

"They don't feel that way!" Natsu vehemently protested. "All of us are glad you're alive."

"And you all pity me. You all think I can't do things, I shouldn't do things, I'm too weak to do things. And you're right! You're all correct about that. I'm weak. I can't walk. I can't do the things I used to do. I couldn't … with even two girls … I still couldn't!"

Natsu felt Gray's body shaking with anger and sadness. He glared over at the others and screamed at them, "What are you all standing there for, huh?" He looked at them, begging with his eyes that they understand and leave them alone.

Erza saw the look and nodded in understand. "Back inside, everyone. Stop being rude." The group turned at her orders and slowly shuffled back into the guild hall.

Gray gulped down sobs. He did not know which was more humiliating: his guild mates hearing his outburst about his dark feelings and surrounding him with pity in their eyes, or crying in the arms of the man who he just bellowed at and having his rival now comforting him.

Just as the emotions began to drown him, Gray felt Natsu tighten the grip on him. "They're gone. Just cry. It's only me here, and I already know you're a crybaby idiot, so … just cry, Gray. Let it all out while it's just us here."

"I … I won't…"

"It's all right if it's only me," Natsu said softly, holding him and stroking back the black hair. "You hate me anyway, so you can hate me for seeing you like this. It's fine if you hate me."

Gray buried his face down into the scarf as his shoulders shook. "Natsu, you bastard!"

"Yeah, like that," he smiled placidly.

"Not … gonna … cry."

Natsu rolled his eyes. "Of course not. Just be gross and cover me with snot."

"Asshole," Gray whispered, but he lost to the tears of frustration. "I really do hate this. I hate you! I hate having fun and liking that I'm alive, and then being in pain and hating my life. One or the other!" he screamed. "If it was just one or the other, I could know if I want to live or want to die."

"I won't let you die," Natsu said firmly, his hand stroking down the soft hair, holding Gray in a firm grip. "You're going to keep living and keep holding on to hope."

"Damn you," he cursed in a whisper.

Natsu lowered his lips to Gray's ear and whispered, "If you find hating me is a way for you to release your emotions, then hate me, curse me, and keep living so you'll be strong enough one day to beat me up. I'll wait."

"If I ever get my leg back, the first thing I'm doing is kicking your ass," Gray mumbled into the scarf.

Natsu smiled and squeezed him. "I'll give you one free shot, but after that I'm not gonna let you win." He looked down and saw Gray's bad leg twisted at a weird angle. His brow tightened at the sight of it. "I'll find a cure. Wendy said she has a lead, some dark guild that might have the answer. I'll search for them, for any magic to help you, even if it costs me my life."

Gray's eyes widened, and he gritted his teeth at Natsu's adamant words. "Why … why are you always like this?" he sneered, feeling overwhelmed with happiness that he did not want to feel, not toward Natsu at least.

Natsu just smiled at him. "How else should I be?"

"You should be an idiot. Stupid and patronizing and … and … and not like this."

Natsu gently placed his hand on the side of Gray's face, affectionately caressing the peachy soft skin. "Maybe I want to be like this, Gray."

The tension in Gray's face softened to shock. "What?" he whispered.

Natsu opened his mouth to speak, but the words choked off in his throat. His hand yanked back as if startled that he had done such a thing. Gray felt a chill as those burning fingers left his face.

"Nothing. Forget I said anything," Natsu said in a rush. "I'm just drunk. Sorry if that was weird." He picked Gray up quickly and placed him on his wheelchair. "Is that comfortable?"

"Um, y-yeah," he muttered in a daze. "Natsu … you…"

The Dragon Slayer suddenly turned his back and began to walk away from the guild.

"Hey, wait!"

Natsu stopped and slowly looked over his shoulder. Gray was still stunned, unable to find the words to say. His fists drew up, and he looked aside with annoyance.

"I … care for you."

Natsu's eyes widened and his heart began to race. "Wh-what?" he gasped.

"That day. That's what I was trying to say. I was dying. I didn't want you to think I died hating you, so I … I wanted to say just that much before the end. We fight, we're constantly at each other's throats, but … but I don't really hate you. I may say I do, but I don't. Not really. I … care for you."

"Really?" he asked in abetted hope.

"Of course, idiot! Dammit, Natsu, you're like the brother I never had. You're annoying as hell, but we're teammates, we're friends, we're family, we're … like brothers. Or more. I dunno," he said in frustration. "Before I died, I just really wanted you to know that. I wanted to assure you that I didn't hate you. I care for you … in my own way," he mumbled. "So even if I say that I hate you, even if we fight and beat each other up, don't forget. Okay? Don't forget that, deep down…" A reluctant smile wavered on Gray's lips. "…I care for you."

Natsu's lips shivered with emotions that boiled up from his heart. "Gray," he whispered.

"Oh, don't be all sobbing and sentimental like one of Lucy's romance novels," he snapped. "I'm just letting you know, that's what I said. Also, about that day: I'm sorry you went through hell, too. It must have been miserable on all of you. Maybe I don't show it enough, but I'm glad you all did so much to save me. I might not like how my life is, and it's damn depressing at times, but still, I'm glad you all worked so hard just for me. You could have just left me."

"You know we would _never_ do something like that."

Gray smiled privately. "Yeah, I know. Fairy Tail is just that way, all of us." His brow tightened. "But now I feel gross, knowing I have _your_ blood running through my veins. That's just _wrong_!"

Natsu laughed and sniffled. "At least I didn't have to donate a kidney."

"Having you inside me would be weird."

He froze as soon as he said it, and Natsu went utterly still, his heart fluttering with perverted thoughts. They both blushed and looked in opposite directions.

_'Me … inside Gray?'_

Gray laughed awkwardly. "Wow, that came out totally wrong."

"Y-yeah," Natsu laughed stiffly. "It'd definitely be … strange, right?"

"Yeah, it would be really weird," Gray muttered. He cautiously glanced up at Natsu and saw the blush on his cheeks. Gray trembled as he realized his heart was racing. "Natsu? Um … have you … ever…"

Before he could say more, Natsu ran off. "Gotta go, see ya!"

"Wait," Gray yelled, but the Dragon Slayer was much faster than he could roll his wheelchair. All Gray could do was watch the fluttering of the white scarf as Natsu sped away. "Dammit, you idiot," he whispered. "Why do you make me think the weirdest thoughts? Stupid flame-brain asshole!"

* * *

Natsu ran off with tears in his eyes.

"Stop it. Just stop!" he gnashed in anger at himself. "He cares for me … as a brother. Just as a brother. So stop thinking that way!"

He ran, but suddenly Natsu turned sharply into an alley. He wanted to make it home before this hit him, but the pain in his heart overflowed too soon. He hid behind a dumpster, hoping he was out of view from the public.

"Dammit!" he yelled, and he punched the graffitied wall. He collapsed against it, arms folded and hiding his head in the nook of his elbows. "Goddammit! Why … why him? He said he cares for me, but only as a brother. It'd be weird. He said so. It'd be _weird_!"

His shoulders shuddered, and he screwed his eyes shut tightly to try and dam back the tears.

"Me, inside Gray. How ridiculous! Me, inside him. My … thing … Goddammit, stop thinking about it!" he screamed as tears dripped down against his will. "Shit!" he whispered. "It'd be _weird_. He'd never want that. Not with me. He said he can't. Those girls, he couldn't with them. But … me … if it was with me…"

For just a moment, Natsu indulged in the fantasy. He wanted to lay Gray on a bed, touch him gently, treat every inch of his body with care, warm him up slowly, steadily, until the fire burned so greatly inside that icy heart, it would melt everything until his lust dripped out. He would soothe the pain, kiss away the aches, until only gentle and wonderful pleasure remained.

Gray would see that he could enjoy sex. He would realize he was not impotent. Natsu already knew he wasn't! He had heard it, smelled it, eavesdropped on the truth. Perhaps it hurt, but Gray could still experience that sort of bliss. He just needed to take his time.

Those girls must have tried to hurry him. Two girls at once was probably just too much. Natsu would take all the time Gray needed. He would go as slowly or as hurriedly as Gray asked. He would touch only as much as Gray could handle. Still, he wanted to touch, to lick, to feel that icy body grow hot in his hands, melting, dripping, that overflowing pleasure covering his hand as he slowly stroked Gray…

"Stop it!" he sobbed.

They were fantasies that he knew could never come true. Once before, he had dreams of happiness that were shattered. Once, he imagined that he would grow up to marry Lisanna, she would be his wife, they could raise Happy together, maybe even have kids of their own. Those boyish delights, so innocent and naïve at the time, were crushed the day Lisanna disappeared, presumed dead. The pain then was the same pain as now.

Except, Gray was right in front of him. He wanted that happiness, yet he could see those dreams freeze and shatter right in front of his eyes.

Right at that moment, Loke was walking down the street with a lady he met just that morning. He paused when he glanced down the alley and noticed the pink hair. He was about to call out to Natsu, but he faintly heard a sob. Loke slowed down. For a moment, he worried it might be about Lucy.

"I've gotta run, babe," he said to the girl. "I'll see you Friday night." He gave her a kiss on the cheek, and then he turned into the alley. "Natsu?" he called out softly.

The Dragon Slayer jolted and quickly wiped his eyes. "L-Loke!"

"Is everything all right?"

"Y- … um … not really," he admitted. "Hey Loke, have you ever genuinely been … um … i-in love?"

"Sure I have," he shrugged. "I might admire all sorts of ladies, but I've lost my heart to a few of them. Lucy, for example."

"What if they don't like you back?" Natsu asked. "Or, has that never happened to a popular guy like you?"

"It has. Again … Lucy, for example," he said with a bitterly wry smile.

Natsu frowned and looked down. "How do you deal with the pain?"

"I find another girl who helps me to forget about it. Don't tell me someone turned you down? Wait, was it Lucy?" He sounded hopeful. If Lucy rejected the Dragon Slayer, perhaps she was ready to accept the Lion!

"Not Lucy," Natsu muttered, and Loke's hope sank. "It's … it doesn't matter who," he grumbled, too embarrassed to admit it was Gray Fullbuster. "That person doesn't like me that way. We're just like … like siblings."

"Is that what she said?"

Natsu nodded silently, staring at the uneven brick floor of the alley.

"Ouch," Loke whispered. "Sounds like you need some serious man time."

Natsu looked up in confusion. "Man time?"

"You just got turned down. Let's show you that there are more fish in the ocean." He wrapped an arm around Natsu and pulled him out of the alley. "I know just the place."

**Next Chapter: "Unexplained Pain"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _It's currently late January 2015. Way back in October 2013, I had already planned this chapter, or a part of it at least. (That's how long I've had "Life After Near Death" in my plans.) I recorded the scene stuck in my head in what turned out to be an incredibly emotional outburst that I attempted to capture here in writing. If you want to hear just that brief recording, it's on Soundcloud._
> 
> _<http://soundcloud.com/rhov/life-after-near-death-chapter>_


	11. Unexplained Pain

_"One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside."_  
_― John Lennon_

 

* * *

By the end of the week, the whole guild had heard the rumor.

Natsu and Loke were seen at a strip club!

Although no one was surprised at all to know that Loke frequented a place like that, nobody could believe at first that Natsu had been there, too. Not only that, but apparently he had taken an interest in one of the dancing girls.

"Natsu?" Lucy exclaimed in shock, staring at Mira as she heard the rumor. "That idiot who has no interest in women was with a stripper?"

Gray overheard her and looked over sharply. No interest in women? What a thing for Lucy, of all people, to say!

Mira nodded. "I asked Loke, and he said it was true. Apparently, Natsu got dumped, so Loke took him there to cheer him up."

Gray jolted even harder. Natsu got _dumped_?

"Wait," Lucy laughed stiffly. "Dumped? Does that mean he was dating someone?"

"Hmm, I don't think so," Mira wondered, tapping a finger to her chin. "Loke said he was dumped, but maybe it was just that he confessed and the girl turned him down." Mira gave a scheming smile to Lucy. "Would _you_ happen to know anything about that?"

"N-no!" Lucy cried out, blushing slightly. "That is, it wasn't me. He has never confessed anything to me … other than the fact that he's hungry," she added in a mumble.

"Aw, too bad," Mira sighed. "I was hoping."

"What do you mean, _too bad_?" Lucy cried out, turning an even brighter shade of pink. "Hoping what?"

Gray turned away. Natsu confessed to someone? He was dumped? He hooked up with a stripper?

He rolled his wheelchair over to Elfman. "Hey, do me a favor. Pinch me."

Elfman raised an eyebrow, shrugged, and pinched Gray hard on the arm.

"Oww!" he cried out, and he saw a bruise already coming up on the spot. Damn, that was a hell of a pinch! "Okay, so this isn't some bizarre dream."

"Do you mean about Natsu?" asked Elfman.

Gray looked up sharply. "You heard?"

"I think everyone has by now. Mira has been going on and on about it. I don't see what's the big deal. Strip clubs are manly!"

Lisanna hit her big brother on the back of his head as hard as she could. "How would you know?" she shouted. "I'm telling Evergreen."

"I … not me. I've never been in one of those clubs. Just … they're the sort of place a man goes to, right?" Elfman said defensively, rubbing out the hit.

Lisanna slumped down. "I can't believe Natsu would, though. It just doesn't seem like him."

Gray watched the sadness on her face. Everyone knew that she and Natsu had something when they were kids. Even if it was nothing more than a cute, childish crush, it was the talk of the guild for years. People made bets about how old they would be when they finally started dating. Those rumors fell silent when Lisanna was presumed dead. Now, some still whispered, debating if Natsu would pick Lucy or Lisanna.

"Why did you turn him down?" Elfman asked. "I thought you still liked him."

Lisanna jolted and went bright red. "What? M-m-me?" she stuttered. "I didn't … that is … he didn't say anything to me. I wasn't the one he confessed to. Besides," she blushed coyly, "if Natsu did confess something like that to me, I … I wouldn't … umm…" Her voice faded with embarrassment.

Gray looked aside. So, it was not Lucy, and it was not Lisanna.

_"You should be an idiot. Stupid and patronizing and … and … and not like this."_

_"Maybe I want to be like this, Gray."_

Gray reached up and touched where Natsu had caressed his cheek that day. Could it be, that had been Natsu's way of confessing?

Lisanna went on, "I heard the lady said she just wanted to be friends, and she thought of Natsu as a sibling."

_"Dammit, Natsu, you're like the brother I never had. You're annoying as hell, but we're teammates, we're friends, we're family, we're … like brothers."_

"No way," Gray whispered. He covered his mouth. It couldn't have been that, right? No way!

"So," asked Elfman, "where is Natsu now?"

"He left town."

Gray jolted back over into the conversation. "He left?" he shouted in a panic.

Lisanna blinked her blue eyes in surprise at the outburst. "He's been leaving a lot. Haven't you noticed? He comes home barely long enough to pack more clothes and goes off again. I heard he's searching for a way to heal your leg. It's really sweet of him to care for you that much."

_"We fight, we're constantly at each other's throats, but … but I don't really hate you. I may say I do, but I don't. Not really. I … care for you."_

"Gray?"

He shook his head. What Natsu did with his life, who he had fun with, why he had been doing things totally out of his nature like drinking and clubbing, none of it should matter to him. It was Natsu's life. If Gray could go to some northern town and pick up two girls at once, Natsu could go to a strip club and hook up with a dancer. Fuck him!

Gray rolled his wheelchair over to the bar. "Mira. Something cold and strong."

"Gray, with your stomach still bad…"

"Just fix the drink," he snapped softly.

She frowned, but she began to reach for some alcoholic ingredients.

* * *

An hour later, Erza came into the guild hall fresh from a mission.

"Hey, Titania!" Gajeel called out. "Did you defeat that mountain monkey or whatever it was?"

"It was more of a baboon than a monkey, and it was not a difficult task."

"Oh yeah? Then why do you reek of your own blood?"

"This particular monster had fairly sharp claws. It's nothing."

Wendy trotted up to her. "I can heal it so there's no scar."

"Thank you." She Requipped into a skirt and tank top, and they saw the bloodied bandage wrapped around her upper arm. First, she walked over to where she saw Gray sitting. "This way—" Erza leaned over to whisper secretively into Wendy's ear. "—perhaps you can do a little healing on Gray as well. He doesn't look too good."

"Oh," Wendy muttered. "Um, he's … drunk. He's been drinking all afternoon."

"In his condition?" Erza said in shock. "I thought the doctors warned him not to drink to excess. His liver was severely damaged."

"Mira has tried to warn him many times already," Wendy pouted. "Perhaps I can heal the liver if you distract him. He's been really cranky today."

"Sheesh! Gray used to be mellow with his emotions, almost cold. That near-death experience sure has changed him."

Wendy nodded in sad agreement. Even she had noticed how Gray changed. "It's understandable, especially with his disability. Natsu as well. He saw Gray get hit and couldn't get to him in time. He did a lot that day to help me save Gray's life, but … I could tell it was hard on him. He's changed, too."

"It was traumatic for both of them," Erza sighed. "I think the whole team suffered. We haven't done a mission together since that day. Even Lucy is either doing solo missions or teaming up with Levy or Cana, and you've been teaming up with Romeo a lot more."

Wendy's face went bright red. "I-it's not like that at all. We're not teaming up any more often than other people."

Erza patted her head. "He's part of your generation, Wendy. It's good to be friends with people your own age. Sort of like how Gray, Natsu, and I were good friends when we were young."

Wendy muttered to herself, "The two of them wouldn't call it being _good friends_. More like they were terrorized by you." However, the redhead did not hear her whisper.

Erza walked over to Gray and took a seat with him. "How are you feeling today, Gray?" she asked in a worried yet firm voice while Wendy sneaked up behind him to start the healing.

"I'm doing fine, Erza. You don't need to worry about me." His voice was calm but tainted with a hint of bitterness as he sipped more of his glass. The alcohol burned down his throat.

"Should you be drinking that?" Erza asked, eying the amber contents.

"So what if I do?" he slurred. He tipped the drink back, downing all of it, and slammed the glass onto the table. "Another glass, Mira."

"Gray!" Erza scolded.

Mira came forward with a mug while giving him a hard look. "This is your fourth one, Gray. I'm cutting you off after this."

He muttered something under his breath, likely calling her a foul name, and took the drink.

Erza gave a sigh as Gray began to drink. He yawned and rubbed his eyes as the alcohol started to take effect. He felt tired and weary, but at least the inner turmoil had calmed down.

Over by the bar, Laxus walked up to Mira and nodded back over to Gray's table. "What's up with him?"

Mira's lower lip puckered sadly. "Both Gray and Natsu have begun to drink a lot over the past few weeks. It's really worrisome."

Hearing her fretful tone pissed off Laxus. "Hey, snowflake," he shouted. "Sober up. You're making Mira upset."

Gray glared at the Lightning Dragon Slayer but said nothing. If he said the wrong thing, Laxus would zap him, and he could not leap out of the way. Not anymore. Not with his leg paralyzed. He might have chanced it once, but he felt powerless now.

Erza quietly stared at Gray for a long time. The expressions on his face, those silent torments, made her feel sorry for him. "Gray," she said, and she put her hand on his knee. "We're all here for you."

Wordlessly, he glanced down at her hand. Erza followed his gaze and realized she had rested it on his left leg. She jerked her hand back quickly.

"Sorry about that."

He shrugged languorously. "It's not like I can feel it. You could stab me there and I wouldn't feel a thing."

"Don't give up. Natsu is running around trying to find a cure for you."

Gray gritted his teeth, and the empty glass in his hand frosted over. "It's a waste, Erza. Natsu's wasting his time. He's nothing more than an idiot who can't accept reality."

Erza's patience cracked, and the fury of the Titania raged. "Do you have any idea how much Natsu's done for you?"

"He cauterized some arteries and donated some blood. Big deal."

"He donated three times more blood than a normal person should, and he jump-started your heart when the doctors had given up and were ready to pronounce you as dead. Then when you needed more surgery, he donated even more blood! He has not given up on you, Gray. Even when the experts said you would die, Natsu did everything to keep you alive. Now he's willing to do anything to heal your leg."

"It's a goddamn waste!" he shouted. "I know how bad my leg is. I'll be talking with the doctor next week. We're going to discuss options for amputation and a prosthetic."

"Gray!"

"At least I'll be able to walk," he yelled. "The doctor says that maybe some of the pain will go away. Maybe then, my life can start to go back to normal. Right now, this is as good as I'll get." He looked down at his drink, which had completely frozen solid into a lump of ice. "Have you noticed that I don't strip anymore?"

Erza's mouth dropped. Come to think about it, Gray had not removed his clothes in public since leaving the hospital.

"I hate those scars," he muttered in anguish, clenching his teeth. "My leg looks totally fucked up. My stomach … and my chest," he said, lightly touching where he knew he had a round scar where the dark wizard had pierced through his chest and lung. "I hate seeing them. I don't want to show those scars. Scars I get from battles where I win, that's one thing, but these … they show to the whole world how I screwed up, that I lost, and I should be dead!"

"Are you still blaming Natsu for saving you?" Erza asked angrily. "You know very well, any of us would have done the same. We don't leave our friends behind!"

Gray turned aside to ignore her. Erza clenched her hand. She suddenly grabbed the front of his collar, surprising Gray and making him drop his frozen mug.

"When we entered the guild, we knew the risks that come with being a wizard," she shouted. "We were prepared to die in order to protect Fairy Tail and those in it. Did you forget that, Gray? _Did you?_ "

Mira walked up to her and took the Titania's shoulder. "Erza, calm down."

Gray stared wide-eyed as Erza's words sank in. She was right; when he joined Fairy Tail, although he had been only a child, he knew that the life of a wizard would be dangerous, and missions could be fatal. He also knew that he had risked his life many times to rescue his guild mates. Some never fully recovered. Others healed only after many years. He was no different now.

Erza saw the solemnness dim Gray's eyes, and she slowly released his collar. Gray cursed under his breath and looked away stubbornly. He lowered his head as his mind began to race.

Erza sat back down and said quietly, "We are all here for you, Gray. Don't shut yourself out. Natsu is doing his best to help you. You know he cares about you a lot, right? And you care about him."

Gray looked up sharply at Erza.

_"Even if I say that I hate you, even if we fight and beat each other up, don't forget. Okay? Don't forget that, deep down, I care for you."_

"You know he would do anything for you."

Natsu's tearful words repeated in his head. " _I will do anything—anything—to help you._ "

"Natsu's been exhausting himself lately," Erza went on. "Don't make it harder on him, Gray. He worries about you."

"Sure! He worries so damn much," Gray muttered caustically. "And that's why he's off screwing strippers, right?"

Erza's eyes grew huge. "He's … what? Natsu?"

"You've been gone, so I guess you haven't heard. Sure, Natsu goes off searching for some mythical medical miracle for me, but do you know where he goes when he comes back to Magnolia? Strip clubs! He took a fancy with some strip dancer, and he's probably banging her every chance he gets."

For some reason, that hurt deep inside. On one hand, Gray felt a sense of relief. He had almost started to think that Natsu was gay, and maybe—totally unrealistically, of course—he was attracted to Gray. That was utterly preposterous, but he had begun to wonder why things seemed … off. If Natsu really was in love with him, how weird that would be!

_"It'd definitely be … strange, right?"_

_"Yeah, it would be really weird."_

But if Natsu was screwing strippers, maybe his suspicions were all wrong. Maybe Natsu just had an odd sense of humor, or maybe Gray was seeing things that were not there, because he felt just a little desperate after his failure with the two girls in that northern town. Maybe he just wanted to pretend that someone—anyone—would want him that way, despite the leg and his troubles with performance.

However, Natsu was straight. He even said, it would be strange. Now, he was hanging out at a strip club. Gray should feel relieved. If Natsu was in love with him … hell, what would he even _do_? How could he respond? Even if he was desperate, this was _Natsu_!

So why did he feel angry to learn that Natsu hooked up with a girl? Why should he even care?

_"_ _Look, if sleeping with those girls bugs you that much, it's my life, so I can do what I want. Do you really think I would care if you went around sleeping with girls? I don't care. It's your business. So this, what I do, it's my own damn business."_

That's right! He had yelled at Natsu, Erza, and many others who harassed him about hooking up with someone while injured. Why should he even care if Natsu hooked up with some random girl?

No … not just someone random. A stripper!

Why did that make his heart freeze even colder?

Gray left the guild hall, slightly drunk and going slowly. The good thing about being in a wheelchair: at least he did not fall flat on his face when drunk. Instead, he rolled unevenly, sometimes almost out into the street. He just wanted to get home and away from the stares of people in town who were probably wondering why he was weaving so badly.

Up ahead, he saw a flash of pink and a flutter from a white scarf.

"Natsu?"

He rolled faster. He wanted to talk to the Dragon Slayer. He was not even sure what he wanted to say, but he wanted to speak with him, maybe ask him just _why_ he agreed to go to a strip club with Loke.

Just as he was close enough to shout, he saw a girl approach Natsu. She was gorgeous! Her breasts nearly exploded out of a clinging red blouse, her ebony hair flowed down in waves to her waist, and despite the chilly weather, she wore a tiny leather skirt and fishnet stockings with crimson heels that looked impossible to walk in.

Wait … was she the stripper? If so, she must be damn popular at her job!

Gray sat there, frozen as he watched Natsu smile at her. She laughed at something he said, leaned over, and gave him a kiss on the cheek, right there in public.

Gray felt like he had just been punched in the gut. He looked away, cringing inside, not wanting to see this.

Why not? Why should he care? _'Yeah, why should I care what that bastard does?'_

Instead of leaving, he angrily grabbed his wheels and rolled across the street, glaring as he approached the couple. It sounded like Natsu was listing various restaurants. Did that mean he was about to go on a date with her? He had not even returned to the guild hall yet since coming home from his search.

Suddenly, the two turned and began to walk away.

"Yo, Natsu," Gray shouted. The Dragon Slayer and the lady stopped and looked around. Gray knew he had to say something, but … what? What right did he have to intrude? Why was he butting in? He looked over to the lady and asked her, "Is he bothering you, miss?"

"Who, him?" she asked, wrapping her hands around Natsu's muscular arm. "We're just going on a date. Natsu-dear, who is this guy? Do you know him?"

Natsu scowled and looked away. "He's the idiot I was telling you about."

"Oh!" she said softly. She eyed Gray up and down, looking mildly surprised. "Well, charmed to meet you. I'm Rei-chan."

Gray figured he could at least be civil to a lady. "Gray Fullbuster. Are you and Natsu … a couple?"

She giggled softly, and Natsu began to blush. "I suppose so."

Suppose so? What the hell did that mean?

"I guess you could say I'm … an instructor," she said, giving Gray a wink.

Natsu jolted at that. "Rei-chan!" he cried out, looking mortified.

Gray gulped down his stomach. An instructor? Was she teaching Natsu about sex? Was that it? Was he maybe paying her? Why would someone as good-looking as Natsu need to stoop so low as to hire a prostitute?

Wait, did he just think Natsu was _good-looking_?

Icing his emotions, Gray practically sneered, "Well, good luck teaching that knucklehead anything."

"Oh, but he's such a _very_ good student," she said sensually. "He _devours_ anything I give him, just eats it right up and wants more." Her eyes delved into his. "He has … _quite_ an appetite. For _knowledge_ , of course!" She let one of her fingers trail along Gray's arm. "He's so desperate to learn, he wants anyone to be his instructor." She leaned over closer to Gray. "What could _you_ teach him?"

"Not a damn thing," Gray said, glaring caustically at her.

She clicked her tongue and shook her head. "Don't short-change yourself, dear. I think you've been around the classroom once or twice."

Gray's face flinched at the metaphor, what it implied about his promiscuity, and he stared frostily at her.

"Or could it be you're still a student? Maybe you still need to learn some things about yourself, lessons you've never learned, subjects you've never dared to study." She eyed him up and down. "I could teach you."

"I'm not desperate enough to hire a prostitute."

"I never said I'd fuck you," she smiled sweetly. She placed her hands on the armrests of his wheelchair and leaned in closer to him. "I could teach you. Give you lessons. Help you study. Decipher what those dreams are about."

Gray's eyes widened in terror. "What dreams?"

"I'm no mind reader," she assured him, "but we all have dreams, desires … fantasies."

An image popped into Gray's head: the dragon prince, the fiery gaze, those burning hands… His breathing quickened, and he briefly glanced over to Natsu, who was staring at the lady in cautious confusion.

"Oh?" she whispered with a lick to her crimson lips. "Interesting. You, Gray-dear, intrigue me. I would definitely love to take you in as a student."

"Rei-chan!" Natsu shrieked.

She stood up as if she had said nothing at all and walked back to Natsu's side. "Just chatting, dear. No need to get jealous."

Gray stared straight ahead. He was the one with weird fantasies. Here was Natsu with a gorgeous woman on his arm, and Gray was the one thinking of homoerotic fantasies. He shook his head. No! They were just dreams, just stupid dreams! He glared at Natsu. Damn him! Damn him for putting weird thoughts into his head!

Natsu saw hatred in those droopy blue eyes. "Gray…"

"You better watch out." He gave the woman a cold stare. "That lady is poisonous. Don't come crying to me when you get your heart broken."

"It's not like…"

"I don't care," Gray shouted, cutting him off. "Didn't I tell you before? It's your business. I … don't … care." He glared once more at the raven-haired beauty. "Just watch yourself." He spun the wheelchair around and rolled off furiously.

Rei-chan chuckled to herself. "I can see why you fancy him, Natsu-dear."

"Why did you say all of that?" he yelled furiously at her.

She put a hand on her shapely hip, completely unaffected by his anger. "Why not? I'm teaching you _lots_ of stuff, right? But to teach you correctly, I have to study the subject as well."

"Yeah, but … Gray … he…"

"He isn't in love with you yet, Natsu-dear," she deduced, looking like she pitied him. "But I think he's getting there. He needs more time, and you have much more to learn. Now, shall we go? Your stomach is growling so cutely."

She began to walk away with a sway to her hips. Natsu looked back to Gray as he rolled away in the wheelchair. Those narrow eyes tightened in anguish, but he shook his head. He could not say anything, not yet.

"Natsu-dear! Anything the matter?"

"No," he whispered, slowly turning away from Gray. "It's nothing."

**Next Chapter: "Dragons and Devils"**


	12. Dragons and Devils

_"My friends, it is wise to nourish the soul; otherwise you breed dragons and devils in your heart."_  
_― Carl Jung_

 

* * *

Natsu sat alone at the guild hall bar with a mug in his hands. Once again he was drunk, although it was barely three in the afternoon. No one went up to him. They knew from past experience, Natsu got wild when drunk, and he tended to be destructive, even more so than normal. It was best to let him drink and brood by himself.

Lucy, Erza, and Happy sat together discussing the issue. Although he was at a table with Juvia, Gray was still within hearing distance. As he heard Natsu's name repeated many times, he became more interested in what his teammates had to say rather than the prattle Juvia was telling him.

Lucy pouted as she saw the blue Exceed frowning despondently at his fish. "Happy, how's Natsu? He looks … um … preoccupied," she said, putting it delicately. "He's always exhausted, and whenever he's here, he's drinking. Has he been resting recently?"

Happy shook his head. "No, I'm worried about him. He doesn't sleep much. He goes off alone on missions, and when he comes back, he's immediately with his girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" Lucy asked.

"Do you mean the stripper?" Erza looked disapproving as she questioned this.

"Aye, the pretty dancing lady. When he comes back from hanging out with her, he immediately starts to drink. He keeps saying he wants to forget, but I don't know what he doesn't want to remember. Then before I know it, he's leaving on another mission, and he doesn't want me to go with him. He's going on another mission tonight."

Erza's eyes widened. "But he just returned this morning."

"And he's drunk," Lucy muttered. "He's been drinking since he got back."

Happy frowned. "Something is really wrong, but he won't talk to me. He used to always talk to me about anything. Why isn't he talking to me this time?" Happy whined sadly as tears gathered in the corners of his massive eyes.

Lucy patted his furry head and frowned in pity. "Why does Natsu keep going on missions?"

"They're not really missions," Erza explained quietly. "Wendy heard about a healing machine that is in the possession of a dark guild. The problem is, no one can find this guild. They don't have a central hub. Even if you find one member, that person likely doesn't know where the others are, and if the other members get alerted, the whole guild will go into hiding. He has to catch the right member, and he only has one shot. It's a needle in a haystack hunt, and a single mistake can ruin our chance."

"And _Natsu_ , of all people, is doing this?" Lucy asked in surprise. "Why? He's anything but subtle. His idea of finding a needle in a haystack is to burn down the whole haystack!"

"He's driven on," Erza said, looking over at the pink-haired man. "It's almost an obsession."

Out of the corner of her eye, Erza saw Gray roll his wheelchair towards Natsu. Here was another friend who had been having a hard time lately. At least Gray was getting better, getting out more, laughing, and interacting with others. Maybe whatever the Ice-Make wizard had figured out with his own depression would help snap Natsu out of this dark pit.

"Gray," she whispered. "I hope you can deal with him now."

Gray stopped right beside Natsu. Since the Dragon Slayer sat on a raised barstool, Gray was much shorter. "Oi, Natsu!"

Natsu drank his glass in one go, feeling the burn slide down his throat. He could not look at Gray right then. "Sorry, Gray. I'm busy."

"Busy how? Getting drunk?" Gray hated having to look up and having Natsu ignore him. "Hey, look at me when you grumble."

Natsu turned his head away sullenly. Without warning, he stood up.

"Hey, wait." Gray grabbed Natsu's wrist to stop him from walking away. "Where do you think you're going, flame-brain?"

Natsu's eyes widened, and he looked back in shock. Gray was using that nickname that used to anger him, but right then it no longer mattered. He almost sounded like the old Gray again.

"Man, when was your last bath? You look like hell and smell like old shoes."

Natsu stood there, staring in shock at Gray. How he missed his teasing!

Gray smirked haughtily. "With the pathetic state you're in, I can easily beat your ass."

Natsu's eyes softened. "Gray…"

The Ice-Make wizard suddenly grabbed Natsu's hand. Natsu felt his heart give a thrilling leap at the cold touch of those nimble fingers, but then Gray froze the Fire Dragon Slayer's hand to the wheelchair.

"You're coming with me." He forcefully yanked Natsu along as he rolled out.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing, you kinky bastard? Are you suddenly into bondage?"

"What the … NO!" he shouted. "Just shut the hell up and follow me!" He rolled his wheelchair out of the guild hall.

Left alone, Juvia drifted over to Erza, Lucy and Happy. "Isn't Gray-sama so sweet, helping out like this?"

Lucy nodded. "It's definitely a change from how he normally is around Natsu."

"Not really," Erza shrugged, forking some of her cake into her mouth. She chewed thoroughly before saying anything more. "They're going to fight."

Lucy's head snapped over in shock. "What? Fight? How do you know?"

"I've known them for a long time," she said reflectively. "They'll fight, and whatever the problem is, they fix it that way."

Lucy groaned and shook her head. "I swear! Men!"

Elfman butted in out of nowhere. "Solving your issues with your fists is manly."

* * *

Gray and Natsu went outside, a far distance from the guild. Natsu followed reluctantly, knowing he could have easily broken free from a little ice, but he also liked Gray being bossy again, like how they used to act when they were younger. He had always hated when Gray attempted to order him around just because he was a "senior member" of the guild. At any normal time, Natsu would have punch Gray for freezing his hand like this, but he was too happy that Gray was talking to him again.

He soon realized Gray was heading toward the river where they always fought as children. Gray released Natsu's hand from the ice and carefully rolled down an embankment, with Natsu holding the back of the wheelchair so it would not tip over. Finally, they were both down by the water's edge.

"Pure magic, no physical fighting. Your magic against mine. Don't you dare go easy on me," Gray said, and he wheeled himself to face the Dragon Slayer. "Fire and ice: which is stronger?"

Natsu chuckled and cracked his knuckles. "When was the last time we ever did a purely magical fight?"

"I don't know if we ever have. Our challenges usually turn into fist fights. You'd have too much of an advantage in that, so purely magic."

"Challenge accepted." Natsu took a deep breath. "Fire Dragon's…"

Gray clapped his hands together. "Ice-Make…"

"… Roar!"

"… Shield!" Gray defended against the massive blast of heat. "And now: Lance!" His arms extended forward, and numerous spears shot out of the shield at the Dragon Slayer. Natsu dodged most of them and melted a few that got too close. He leaped backwards to escape the barrage.

"Nothing physical! Purely magic," Gray shouted. "That means defense, too. If you can't stand your ground and defend with your own magic, you lose."

"Bastard. Fine!" Natsu planted his feet firmly in the sandy riverbank. "In that case, I'm not moving from this spot. Fire Dragon's…"

Gray was quicker. "Ice-Make: Ice Geyser!"

Spiky towers of ice blasted up from the ground, and since he did not jump away this time, the ice imprisoned Natsu.

"Gotcha!" Gray smirked.

"… Iron Fist!" Natsu burst the ice into pieces, creating a shower of tiny shards. "This really isn't fair. I don't have many ranged attacks."

"Then maybe you should get stronger and learn a few," Gray said snarkily.

"Asshole!" Flames swirled and wrapped around both of his fists. He brought his hands together above his head. "Fire Dragon's Brilliant Flame!" The two fireballs united, grew massive, and Natsu's swung the massive globe of flames through the air before releasing it at Gray.

"Crap," Gray sneered. He could normally jump out of the way, but that was not possible this time. "Fine! I'll show you what my dad taught me. Ice Devil's…"

"Shit," Natsu cringed, worried what Gray might do with his new Demon Slayer magic.

"Instantaneous Freeze!"

The humongous ball of fire itself froze, flames and all. Natsu's mouth dropped.

"Frozen flames?" he whispered.

"Stop gaping like a caught fish or I'll shut that mouth for you. Ice-Make: Knuckle!"

A giant fist shot up from the ground and punched Natsu in the jaw. The Dragon Slayer went flying up into the air and backwards.

"N- … No way! Dammit!" Natsu spat blood out from his mouth. "Fine, you wanna really fight? No holding back at all! I don't care if you're injured. You're going down, ice princess." Fire engulfed one hand, but then the other hand crackled with yellow lightning. "Dragon Slayer's Secret Art Revision! Crimson Lotus: Exploding Lightning Blade!" He swirled around, the magic extended with his speed, and a vortex of flames and electricity swirled through the air, destroying everything in its path.

"What the hell?" Gray whispered, in awe by the destructiveness for just a second before realizing he really could get killed with an attack like that. His hands clapped together. "Ice-Make: Snow Globe!"

A bubble of ice encircled his entire body. Still, the electricity went right through the solid water and zapped him painfully. Gray cried out, and as his focus wavered, the globe shattered. He was saved from the flame, but the lightning left him numbed.

"Now I've got you where I want you," Natsu grinned. "Fire Dragon's…"

"Ice Devil's…"

"Roar!"

"Rage!"

Both breathed fire and ice from their mouths. The two elements collided and exploded in a burst of steam that pealed the bark right off a nearby tree.

Gray was too close. He was unable to leap aside, and the shockwave from the explosion hit him at full force. All he could do was raise his arms and make a quick but feeble shield of ice, no time to reinforce it. He gritted his teeth, but despite his shield, Gray was pushed backwards by the blast. His wheelchair flipped, and he slammed his head into the ground.

Natsu took this chance. He leaped on top of Gray and bound his wrists above his head.

"Surrender, bastard!"

Gray struggled to get out of his grip, but Natsu did not let him go. When it came to sheer physical strength, Natsu had some advantage. "Fine, fine. You got me," he conceded.

Natsu grinned, perched atop his foe in victory. Then slowly, his triumphant eyes softened with yearning. "I missed this," he whispered.

Gray looked up at him in surprise to hear loneliness rather than gloating. "Squinty-eyes?" he whispered.

Natsu stared intensely. He felt the sinewy tendons in the wrists his fingers gripped so firmly, and between his thighs were the rippled muscles of the Ice-Make wizard's abdomen. Gray's chest heaved and fell with fast breaths, and Natsu could feel every movement. His own shadow cast down, shading Gray's face, yet those blue eyes caught some sunlight. They gleamed stormy silver-blue, like a winter sky. With his whole body, Natsu felt the coldness radiating around Gray, easing the flames, cooling his wild side, yet stoking up a deeper fire in his soul.

Gray began to feel uncomfortable as Natsu continued to sit there and stare at him. "H-hey, let me go," he said quietly.

Natsu backed up. "Oh. Sorry." He released Gray's wrists and climbed off of him. "I'll, um … I'll help you get back up."

Natsu uprighted the wheelchair and lifted Gray, settling him back in the seat.

"Are you all right? You didn't break your skull, did you?"

"Nah, I'm fine. This still sucks," Gray muttered. "Can't even do stupid stuff like getting into a chair on my own."

"Well, you can fight."

"I lost."

"Only because it went beyond magical and turned physical."

"Nah, if I can't even escape the aftereffects of my own magic, I count that as a loss."

"Maybe, but then I jumped on top of you, so that's physical, too." Definitely physical. Natsu knew he was going to have dreams about straddling on top of Gray now … dammit. "I don't have any good magic to bind you, so that's about all I could do to keep you down."

"Idiot. You could have burned me to a crisp in an instant. I was down, I couldn't get back up. That's the worst part of this," he said, lightly punching the armrest of the wheelchair. "If I'm flipped, I'm like a goddamn turtle."

Natsu gave him a mournful look. "Gray…"

"No! Don't! Don't you dare try coddling me. It was my loss, and I concede."

"Have it your way," he shrugged. "It was a good fight."

Gray tried to hide the happiness, but a smile still slipped out. "Yeah, it was. I haven't gone all out like that in months."

That tiny smile lit up Natsu's heart. When had Gray ever looked so sexy simply by smiling? Natsu forcefully averted his eyes before the flush of the fight turned into a blush of arousal. "You're just weaker because you stopped training," he said in understanding. "We need to find a new training regimen for you, something that works. You could specialize in long-range fighting, that way you never have to get out of your chair. Don't worry, you'll learn to compensate, and you'll get stronger. It'll take time. I can practice with you, if you want."

Gray thought about it. Natsu really was the best person to help make him stronger, but … something felt uncomfortable. When Natsu was pinning him down, Gray had felt his heart race.

"No," he muttered, unable to meet Natsu's eyes. "I think I need to focus on healing my body. Magic can come second."

"Oh," Natsu muttered, feeling stung by the rejection. "I … I can help with that, too. I _am_ helping. I've been going around to different towns, asking about that cure Wendy heard about."

Gray arched an eyebrow. "Are you still spouting on about this? A cure for having fifteen centimeters of nerves, tendons, and muscles blasted out of my leg? How does that even work? The doctors insisted that there was no hope."

"Dunno how it works, honestly," Natsu shrugged. "It's some illegal form of regeneration magic, or something."

"Illegal?" Gray shouted. "Are you a total idiot? The last thing I want is some dark magic cast over my body. I'm screwed up enough as it is without some dark guild's godforsaken healing machine messing with what's left of me."

"The magic isn't evil. It just isn't legally approved by the Magic Council. They're interested in it, though. If it's really such a miracle machine, they want to see if it can be duplicated safely. It could save lives! Makarov got me a special permit to hunt out their guild, find it, and confiscate it for the Magic Council. Of course, if we _happen_ to use it first―you know, to make sure it's really what we're looking for―no one can blame us for wanting to be certain."

Gray looked aside. "Do what you want. You're wasting your time, though. The leg is dead. I really should have them chop it off and give me a new one."

"Don't talk like that!" Natsu scolded.

"I'm serious. A prosthetic would at least let me walk. Actually," he admitted with a frown, "I've already talked about it with my doctor. We're setting up a date for the amputation. It'll be some time in May, since the warmer weather will make healing easier."

"No!" Natsu shouted. "Don't go chopping off your leg, not when we're working hard to fix it."

"It's not going to get better."

"You don't know that! Give me time to find this medical device, Gray."

"Fine, but you have only until May."

"Three months," Natsu muttered. "I'll need to talk to Erza." He turned and ran off.

"Hey!" Gray shouted, but Natsu had raced up the riverbank and disappeared. "He left me," Gray said in shock. "That idiot! I don't even know if I can get out of here." He began to roll slowly up the sandy sides.

Suddenly, Natsu came skidding back down the bank, ran up to Gray, and lifted the entire wheelchair up over his head. He ran laughing maniacally, spouting flames from his widely opened mouth, with Gray jostling along high above him.

"What the hell are you doing?" Gray screamed, grabbing the armrests of the chair in a death grip as Natsu bounced him down the road.

"It's strength training. Training, training!" he cheered. "Who needs weights or dragging around boulders when I can lift a stripping glacier over my head."

"Put … me … _down!_ "

****Next Chapter: "A Machine of Hope"** **


	13. A Machine of Hope

_"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow."_  
_— Orison Swett Marden_

 

* * *

Gray was sitting in his wheelchair by the river, staring out at the water flowing by. A recent rainstorm had swollen the river, making it flow deep and fast. The day was peaceful, cold, but winter had already lost its chilly grip. The cherry blossoms were fully in bloom, and all of Magnolia was celebrating the festival of rainbow sakura. Flowers filled the streets, and as he looked down at the river, he saw tiny pink petals flowing along the surface, their ephemeral existence swept away.

Gray slowly pushed himself up from the wheelchair. He stood awkwardly, and he stripped from his clothes, although the pants came off much slower, unable to simply lift the dead, paralyzed leg.

"Ice-Make: Brace."

Ice completely covered his left leg. He had a normal brace, but it was annoying to wear it all the time. He had discovered that his ice magic could form a brace whenever he wanted to stand.

Still, with the iced leg, the best he could do was slightly balance. Walking involved carefully putting his good leg forward, then using hip muscles to drag the bad leg along, unable to feel where his foot was located. Hopping along slowly like this, he made it to the river. Then he leaped, landing as far out as he could. The ice brace made his bad leg float. That was another advantage to ice.

He leaned back, letting the river flow past him, weightless in the water. Like this, without the confines of the wheelchair, he could almost pretend that he was normal again. He floated along. Then he flipped over and began to swim back upstream, fighting the current. His arms worked extra hard, and his one good leg kicked with more power. The left leg just floated, dead weight bolstered by ice.

If he could just swim all the time, maybe he could do without one leg.

"Gray!"

He growled at Natsu's shout. Just when he was relaxing and enjoying life, that damn Dragon Slayer had to burst in on his privacy. Natsu came racing down the hill, tripped, went rolling, and splashed into the river.

"Stupid," Gray grumbled.

Unperturbed, Natsu swam over to him. "We found it! We know where it is. You need to come with us, though."

"Found what?" he asked.

"The healing machine. The one that could give you your leg back." Natsu grinned with beaming hope. "I found it!"

Gray stared in silent disbelief. Give his leg back?

Gray had spent months lamenting the loss of his leg, and only with the arrival of spring had he finally come to grips with reality. Surgery for amputation was set. He had picked out a prosthetic. He wanted to cast aside that failure, including the leg that kept him stuck in the past, a constant reminder. Like the blossoms of spring, he had to wake up out of the winter of discontent and grow anew. He was willing to let it go, give up the paralyzed badge of disgrace, and accept a life with one leg.

He really thought this miracle machine was bogus, just a rumor.

However, if such a thing really existed…

"Umm … don't you want your leg back?" Natsu asked sadly when Gray said nothing.

Despite himself, a tear came to Gray's eye. "More than anything!"

Natsu grinned broadly again. "Then let's go!" He grabbed Gray up princess style out of the river.

"What the hell!"

"It's faster. We need to hurry. Get dressed while I push you to the train station."

"Wait, we're leaving _now_?" he cried out.

"Oh, did you leave laundry in the wash or forget to lock your door or something?"

"N-no! But isn't this too sudden?"

"Nope. We have to hurry. Lucy and Erza are already there. We couldn't find Wendy. I had to sniff you out." He dropped Gray's wet body down into the wheelchair, grabbed up his clothes, and threw them onto the ice wizard's lap. "Better dress fast. I'm running the whole way there." Natsu tipped the wheelchair back onto the two large hind wheels to go faster, and he began to run.

* * *

Since it was such a long train ride to the far other side of Fiore, the team decided to get a sleeper car. It had two beds, one for the boys, one for the girls. Gray could hardly sleep with Natsu in bed with him, moaning nonstop and occasionally vomiting.

After a few hours, Gray rolled over and saw the sick Dragon Slayer in the moonlight. "Hey," he whispered.

"Sorry," Natsu groaned. "I can't help it."

"Give me your arm."

Natsu flopped an arm out, and Gray held Natsu's palm.

"Wait, what?"

Silently, Gray began to massage a spot on his wrist. Natsu swallowed as those freezing fingers hit a pressure point that eased some of the queasiness.

"Better?" asked Gray.

"Marginally," Natsu admitted.

Gray gently swept back some of the pink hair, stiff with sweat as Natsu suffered through his sickness. The Dragon Slayer shivered at the cold touch.

"G-Gray?" he whispered, knowing he was flushing in the darkness.

"Porlyusica told me about a spot … here." He pressed his finger just behind the ear.

Natsu moaned softly as the sickness drastically went down. It was not perfect, but he no longer felt like vomiting.

"I can rub for a while, but only until I fall asleep," Gray warned, already drowsy.

"Thank you," Natsu said quietly, with deep relief. "That feels soooo good."

Gray gulped at the groaning pleasure. "Shut up," he mumbled.

"Mmmmh … that really is good, Gray. Oh God, I want you to touch me like this all night."

Gray sneered and looked aside. "That sounds just _wrong_ , idiot."

"Don't care," Natsu moaned, too sick to even think straight. "It feels good. I can really feel it tingle all through my nerves."

Gray suddenly let go and rolled over, facing the wall.

"Hey!" Natsu shouted. "That was really helping."

"Then rub it yourself. I need sleep."

There was no way in hell that Gray was going to admit that hearing Natsu moan and say those sorts of words had made him partly aroused. He slammed his eyes shut and tried to ignore the heat that had just barely begun to grow in his pants.

* * *

The next morning, instead of the problem being Natsu, it was Gray. Whether from the lack of sleep or just bad luck, he fell ill with a slight fever. It did not appear to be serious, but Erza pulled Natsu out of the room—vomit was the last thing Gray needed around him—while Lucy tended to Gray.

"Hey Gray," Lucy said as she dabbed a cold cloth on his forehead. "Natsu last night … um … well, he was making quite a … _weird_ noise."

Gray rolled his eyes. He knew the idiot was too loud. "I was massaging some motion sickness pressure points. I stopped when he starting moaning like a bitch in heat."

She hummed to herself. "I wonder if those are the sorts of sounds he makes _other times_."

"Che! Like I care," Gray sneered.

Lucy laughed at his annoyed face. "I wonder how he found this place, if it's such a long train ride there. Natsu must have suffered a lot, traveling all over Fiore to find this guy."

Gray said nothing. Even if Natsu had not taken a train, and instead had walked the whole distance, that was still a journey of many weeks. He really had gone far beyond anyone's expectations.

There was a change to the tempo of clacking wheels on rails, and Lucy glanced out the window. "Are we slowing down?"

A few seconds later, Erza walked into the compartment with Natsu unconscious and tossed over her shoulder. "We're arriving soon. Let's make sure we have everything."

"What happened to Natsu?" Lucy asked worriedly as she put items into her purse and travel bag.

"He was annoying the passengers, so I knocked him out."

"Sheesh!" Lucy sighed, shaking her head.

Erza looked over to Gray. "How are you feeling?"

"Not much better," he admitted. "I think the fever is the result of a cold."

"You, of all people, have a cold?" Lucy asked in shock.

"If I can't feel my body, I can't regulate it. My left foot has been icy cold many times, and I had no idea. More than likely, that idiot," he said, pointing to the slumped body of Natsu, "yanked the covers last night and my feet got exposed to the chill. That could make any normal person sick."

"With any luck, you won't have that issue anymore," Erza stated, looking confident. "Now, where's your wheelchair? They'll let us off first, since we have someone who's handicap."

"Don't call me that," Gray grumbled.

"It's only temporary," Erza assured him.

Gray wished he could fully believe that.

* * *

Since Gray was still fevered, he stayed in their hotel with Happy to take care of him, while the others went to the dark guild's hideout. The raid was simple enough. Natsu's reconnaissance had been stealthy. The dark healer had no clue they were coming until Erza already had her sword against the man's throat. Although he was the member of a dark guild and the keeper to such a miraculous healing machine, the man had no magical skills of his own. He used magical devices to heal, and he really could not fight back. Instead, he bartered.

If they let him escape, he would show them how the machine actually worked. Otherwise, they would be clueless, the Magic Council might take months to reverse engineer it and figure out how it operated, and it might be too late for Gray. Although Natsu did not like the idea of letting an enemy go free, Erza pointed out that the man had no magic abilities, the Magic Council's jurisdiction on non-wizard members of guilds was a hazy gray area, so likely he would be released anyway, deemed as not being a threat to the wizard world. He could even get a pardon if he gave up his allegiance to the dark guild and helped the Magic Council discover the secrets to the machine. The man was cowardly and eager to take any offer they gave. Anything was better than facing Erza's sword.

"There's a reason this healing device is not commonly used," the man named Kenta said. "It takes an insane amount of magical power and ebbs away the donor's life force. For minor injuries, it's not that bad, but if you're talking about major reconstruction of the body … I saw this thing suck the life out of three people just to regrow one man's arm."

"Are you saying this thing _kills_ people?" Lucy asked, glaring at what appeared to be nothing more than a flat, hard bed, but with straps to hold a person down.

"It doesn't necessarily _kill_ them," he amended. "It depends on the severity of the injury and the vitality of the donor."

Erza thought about it seriously. "So you're saying, if a wizard has enough magic, this machine won't take from their life force."

"Well, at least it'll take a lot less. It still could shave a few weeks off your life, but not years."

"Do you age?" Lucy asked in dread, thinking about gray hairs and wrinkles.

"No," Kenta assured her. "When I saw them seriously work this machine, the donors didn't look older. They looked perfectly healthy, except … drained of life."

Lucy exhaled in sadness. All this way, but the machine … this was truly evil, taking the life of a victim just to save another.

Kenta saw their faces. "Come, this way."

He led them through two sets of doors that separated an adjacent room, where there was another bed, almost the same, but Lucy sensed something vile about this part of the machine.

"The donor lies here, strapped down, with electrodes on their body. Eterano is siphoned out to power the machine, like a battery. However, unlike your typical SE-plug for a magic vehicle, the machine sucks so much magic out, so quickly, it's not just Eterano that escapes. It eats at their aura, their very essence of existence. I've been told that it is an excruciating experience. Average people, it would kill them, for certain. A very strong wizard with a deep reservoir of magic within them might last, at least long enough for what you people want. Your friend just needs some nerves reattached, right?"

"Some tendons and muscles regrown, as well," Erza told him. "If we can fix his stomach while we're at it, that would be ideal."

"The machine determines what are the severe injuries. If he has internal injuries, particularly anything deeper than the skin, those are healed first. If your friend was shot how you described, this would repair his intestines, stomach, liver, regrow and replace any damage to internal organs. It'll clear up scar tissue in his lungs, it can definitely reattach nerves or some tendons. Child's play," he assured them. "However, it's not easy to control, and time is a factor. Old wounds won't be healed. Leave a tendon severed for a year, and the body may forget it was damaged. The recipient can control the flow to some extent, with training. However, the machine tends to heal everything at once. It does not focus on a specific part of the body. That means it uses much more magic than it probably needs to, and takes much longer to work, especially if the patient is injured in multiple areas. Even if the healer would prefer to focus somewhere specific—a paralyzed leg, let's say—if the patient was also recently shot in the chest, it would heal the lung first, and the leg would be deemed secondary. It's a flaw to the mechanism that I'm supposed to fix. That's why I have been hiding out here, tinkering with it, but I still haven't gotten satisfying results. Also, despite my best efforts at designing a control system, it's still impossible to lessen the suction of magic to a tolerable level. If the donor is not strong enough, it can be fatal."

Natsu stepped forward with a gleam in his narrow eyes like coals on fire. "I'll do it."

Lucy jolted over. "Natsu! Didn't you just hear what he said?"

"Yeah, you have to be strong to donate magic. I'm a Dragon Slayer. I've got lots of magic power in me."

Erza also looked concerned. "Natsu, you need to seriously think about this."

"There's nothing to think about," Natsu insisted with determination clenched in his jaw. "I told Gray I'd get his leg back, even if it costs me my life. Shaving off a few weeks?" He laughed sardonically. "It's worth it, for him."

"Natsu," Lucy whispered, not sure whether to be proud of how far Natsu would go for his friends, or terrified that this determination just might be going too far this time.

Erza clenched her gauntleted hand. "Fine! Then you won't do it alone."

"Erza," Natsu began to say in protest.

"We both opened our Second Origin. We can both take it."

Seeing their resolve moved Lucy's heart. This was Gray, after all. How many times had he—and all of Fairy Tail—fought and nearly died to protect her? This was her time to give back! "I can too," she stated loudly.

"No, Lucy," Erza said, patting the blonde's shoulder and smiling that Lucy was willing to overcome her fears to help a friend. "Someone needs to stay with Gray, and he trusts you. He feels much more comfortable around you than he does me or Natsu."

"Oh," she whispered, glancing aside with a light blush. "I still want to help, though."

Erza looked into those steadfast brown eyes. "Keeping him calm will help immensely. You're also learning how to direct the flow of magic energy, right?"

"Yes, Capricorn and I have been practicing that."

"Then it's something you can work on. If you can direct the magic to his leg, that will speed up the healing, which will make it easier on me and Natsu. This is something only you can do."

Lucy pouted, feeling inadequate for the job. Wendy was far better at manipulating magic energy, especially for healing. Lucy had never studied healing in her life.

"There's also the issue of Gray and his pride."

"What do you mean?" asked Lucy.

Natsu scoffed and folded his arms over his chest. "He's an idiot and stubborn."

"Natsu!" Erza scolded.

"Well, he is," Natsu insisted. "Think if it was you. If you found out your friends are potentially putting their lives at risk just so you can get healed, you wouldn't accept that. You'd refuse treatment and demand that they stop."

"Which means," Lucy calculated, knowing Natsu had a good point, "if you two do this, you have to do it without Gray knowing."

Kenta finally spoke up again. "It's usually better that way. That's why the device is in two separate rooms. The person getting healed needs to stay in a relaxed state. This room," he said, waving around the room with the second device, "is soundproof, because … it does hurt. A lot. Every person I've hook up as a donor was reduced to screaming in agony."

"Oh," Lucy cringed, and she muttered to herself, "Maybe I'm glad I'm not doing it."

Erza looked between the two adjacent rooms. "So, Gray will stay in the first room, and one of us will be in this room. We can't tell him, though."

"Well, he'll figure it out eventually," Lucy pointed out. "One person is always missing."

"We can say that only two people at a time can be with him. The third person will be back here."

Natsu's brow tensed hard, and Erza noticed it.

"Do you have something to say?" she asked.

He twisted his lips uncertainly. "Maybe it should just be one of us back here."

"Natsu, that's crazy. This thing shaves off your life. It's better to spread it out."

He frowned, but he decided not to argue. "All right, but I'll do it first. He'll feel a lot better with you two than with me around."

"That may be true," Erza reasoned. "All right! So, we'll come by tomorrow. And … if _you_ leave…" Her sword suddenly swung out, barely resting on Kenta's throat.

His hands flew up in surrender and he gulped hard.

"…I will hunt you down, and I will show no mercy."

"I … I wouldn't do that," he insisted. "I'm a healer. It's my oath to help others in need."

Erza scoffed with a glare. "The oath of a dark guild member. Sure!" she said sarcastically.

"No! Really!" he insisted, still nervously staring at the tip of the sword. "I may have worked with a dark guild, but I'm still a healer. That's what I went to school and trained to be. They just … paid better."

Erza's eyes hardened. "Consider your freedom as payment."

He chuckled in quivering terror. "Y-yeah, that's pretty good payment."

"We'll be back tomorrow with Gray. Natsu, I want you to be here early to get set up, whatever you need to do, and we'll be by later."

He nodded with dire determination. "Let's do it."

**Next Chapter: "Sacrifice"**


	14. Sacrifice

_"You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it."_  
_― J. M. Barrie_

 

* * *

The next day, Natsu was at Kenta's hideout before sunrise. The healer had kept his word and did not run away. Natsu knew too well, getting threatened by Erza could make most people give up the idea of disobeying her.

He had explained the situation to Happy, who agreed to keep this as a secret from Gray. Then it was time to get to work. While Happy watched with worry, Natsu laid on the hard slab, vaguely shaped to contour the body, and Kenta strapped him down.

"Is that okay?" the healer asked as he adjusted some of the thick belts.

Natsu hated feeling confined, but he figured this was a small price to pay for Gray's happiness. "I guess," he muttered, testing his arms and legs, making sure the restraints were tight but not so bad as to cut off circulation.

"Now, before we begin, I have this stone," Kenta said, reaching into his pocket. "Little blue fellow, you take this stone." He handed Happy a similar smooth rock. "If you grab it and squeeze it, I'll be alerted. Only do that for emergencies, like if he really has to use the bathroom, if the restraints snap apart, if he passes out, or if he begins to vomit blood."

"What!" Happy screamed.

"Boy, you'll need to wear a mouth guard. I saw too many people bite their tongues on this thing." He went to a sink to wash the mouth guard. "I need to warn you: it _is_ painful. Don't try to hold it in."

Natsu's brow tightened. "What do you mean?"

"I've heard large men scream like little girls on this thing. It's that bad."

Happy gulped hard and looked at Natsu with worries.

"If it's painful," Kenta went on, dabbing the mouth guard dry, "no one can hear you. Let it out. Internalizing it can be worse for you."

Natsu shifted around to get more comfortable. "I've been through pain," he said determinedly. He heard a whimper from the Exceed. "It'll be fine, Happy. Although, this bed is uncomfortable. Don't you have a pillow or something?"

"Oh. I guess I could give you this." Kenta took a throw pillow from a nearby couch and tucked it under Natsu's head.

"Ah, better," he smiled.

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

"Okay, that's them. Open your mouth." Natsu did, and Kenta fit the mouth guard inside. "I will start this on the lowest setting, so you can feel it turning on. It'll gradually increase. You'll feel tingling, then a stabbing sensation, then … well, it'll hurt," he warned, pouting that he once again had to harm one person to save another. "I'll shut the door. There are two doors here, that way any screams from this room won't reach the patient in the other room, even if I have to leave your friends to come back here."

"Hey," Natsu called out as the man began to leave. His words were garbled by the mouth guard. "I'm serious, don't tell Gray I'm doing this. He's mad enough that I saved his ass. I don't want him to refuse treatment just because I'm saving his ass again."

"Understood," Kenta nodded. "I must say, Fairy Tail really is something, to go this far for your teammates."

"Because Gray's also my friend," Natsu muttered. "He better appreciate this … stupid ice princess."

Kenta just laughed and went on to the main room, shutting the connecting doors. He opened up just as Erza knocked again. He opened the door; the three Fairy Tail wizards stood on his porch.

"My apologies. You arrived sooner than I expected."

Lucy wheeled Gray in while Erza went over to Kenta. "Is everything prepared?" she asked with eyes that demanded to be told how Natsu was doing.

The man began to sweat nervously. "Y-yes, everything is ready and … um … comfortable."

Gray glanced over from his wheelchair. "Comfortable?"

Kenta floundered with stutters at what he could say, but Lucy quickly rescued the scene.

"He means you'll be comfortable. Now, we need you to get up on this table. Up you go!" she said with a cheerful smile.

He shifted his body from the wheelchair to the strange bed, and Lucy grabbed his paralyzed leg to help lift it onto the bed. Gray kept up his usual sangfroid attitude. However, deep inside, his heart pounded with hope. If this worked, he would no longer need to rely on others just to move around. He would ask Natsu to _burn_ that damn wheelchair.

"Where's that flame-brain, anyway?" he asked as he settled in.

Lucy and Erza shot one another wary glances.

Gray scoffed in annoyance. "Stupid idiot goes running all over Fiore looking for this place, and he can't even stay around to help out."

"Gray," Erza scolded quietly. "Natsu was busy this morning."

"Doing what?" he grumbled. "I bet he ran down to the beach to go swimming … moron."

Erza slipped away. "Kenta, restrooms?"

He glanced over and saw the stern look in her eyes. "Ah … um … lady's room is through this door."

Gray chuckled. "You have a men's and lady's restroom?"

"Believe it or not," Kenta said stiffly with indignation, "this used to be a respectable medical clinic, and I was the head doctor."

"Perhaps it can be that way again, if you change your ways," Erza told him.

Kenta sighed and looked around at how his little clinic had fallen since joining the dark guild. "It would be nice, I suppose. Helping people again, healing the sick and poor. Beats imprisonment."

Erza went through the first door and into a tiny hallway, no bigger than a broom closet. Kenta had explained that, in order to keep sounds from reaching the patient, both doors and all of the walls were soundproof. There was a trick to the two-door system. The first door had to shut before the second door could be opened. Sure enough, as soon as the first door closed, the second swung outward. This room felt much warmer, but she figured that was due to Natsu's natural heat.

The Fire Dragon Slayer was strapped down on the matching bed. It was awful to see him like this, but he had persistently volunteered. At least Happy was with him, although the Exceed looked worried.

"Are you okay, Natsu?" she asked.

He sounded sleepy from waking so early to get here before Gray woke up. "Yeah, I'm here. Bored. Uncomfortable."

"What's in your mouth?" Erza could barely understand his words.

"Mouth guard," he muttered through the gag. He glanced over to her. "Gray's here?"

"He's getting settled in." She walked up to the bed and looked at the straps and probes stuck on his body. She sensed the dark magic that seemed to purr around the device, like something living, waiting, and hungry. "I'm really worried about this machine. We don't know how it's going to react to you."

Natsu scoffed through the mouth guard. "I'm a Dragon Slayer. We have lots of magic in us. I'll be fine."

"I sure hope so. If not, let me know right away."

"I have a comm-lacrima to let the healer guy know," Happy said, showing her the stone.

"That's reassuring." She looked down at Natsu again, truly concerned for him, and stroked back his pink hair like the worried older sister she often tried to be. "Don't be stubborn. We can rotate turns. We can even call in other people from Fairy Tail. You know everyone would be willing to help out."

"No. Gray can't know about this. If more people know, it'd be easier for someone to let it slip out, and then Gray will know," Natsu said, struggling to talk. "If he finds out this is powered by our magic and life force, he won't want to continue treatment."

"I'm afraid you're right," Erza sighed. If it was her—if people were risking their lives to help her—she loved Fairy Tail, she knew she would do the same in a heartbeat, but to be the receiver of those sacrifices really was difficult to accept. "Let me know if it's too much. When you need a break, tell us."

"Yeah, yeah," Natsu muttered petulantly.

Erza stroked his hair back one last time with sisterly worry, and she finally left the room along with Kenta.

Natsu gave a sigh. He kept telling himself, not much could be worse than opening his Second Origin. That was something torturous that he suffered through to gain the strength to help Fairy Tail be the strongest guild in Fiore. Now, it was time to bring back one of their strongest members.

A few minutes later, a different side door opened, and Kenta walked in from the outside cold. "We'll be starting soon," he warned. "Remember, this room is soundproof. Scream if you need. And kitty…"

"Happy," the Exceed corrected.

"Right, Happy. Don't use that stone unless it's an emergency. He'll scream, expect that. This is really going to hurt, I'm not kidding, but if it's too bad, you have to let us know. Perhaps we need a codeword," he mused. "Something you can say when it's truly too much."

"Stupid ice princess?" Natsu offered with a smirk.

Kenta chuckled. "Something you won't say so easily."

"His name, then," Natsu said. "If I shout his full name, it's too much. Not just Gray, but Gray Fullbuster."

"If you can remember to shout that when it's truly unbearable," Kenta nodded. "Do you understand, Happy?"

"Aye," the Exceed nodded. "Don't message you unless he vomits, goes unconscious, the restraints break, or he says Gray's full name."

"Right, because it _will_ be agonizing, and he _will_ be screaming. I'm serious, scream and let it out," he told Natsu. "Don't try to be brave. I've done this many times, I've seen what this can do. When you scream and don't internalize the pain, it helps the body to endure longer."

"I don't normally like screaming from a little pain, but I definitely do want to endure until Gray's healed," Natsu said in agreement.

"I'll start really low today, but I'll slowly increase it. The treatment will last only three hours."

"Got it. I'm all fired up! Let's do it," Natsu grinned.

Kenta left through the side door again.

"Natsu?" Happy frowned. "I'm scared. Is this really okay?"

"What would you do if Carla was hurt and lost her tail?"

Happy's mouth dropped in a sharp gasp of horror. Carla's lovely, silky, sweet white tail that Happy always wanted to pet, just a little bit. "I … I'd do _anything_ to help her get it back."

"Exactly," Natsu nodded. "I may fight that perverted stripper all the time, but I'd do anything to bring back his leg so he can do missions with us again." He stared up at the ceiling as he waited for the inevitable pain. "Anything," he whispered. "If it's Gray … to heal him … I'll do anything!"

Happy pouted as he saw the sadness in Natsu's eyes mix with stubbornness clenched in his jaw. "Natsu," he whispered, but Happy said nothing more.

* * *

Kenta walked back into the main room of the clinic. "Are you settled in, Mister Fullbuster?"

"Yeah, I guess so," he muttered, laid out on the metal bed with a pillow under his head.

"Are you ready for this?"

Gray's mouth twisted up. "It's not painful, is it?"

"I told you, there will be a little tingling, but it shouldn't be agonizing, no more than having your foot go to sleep and then waking up."

"Ugh!" Gray frowned. "That's pretty painful."

Kenta laughed stiffly and turned away. "Not in comparison," he mumbled under his breath.

The tenseness in his eyes showed his worry about how the donor would suffer. He was used to the way his dark guild did things. Normally, someone would seek him out with a teammate who was severely wounded in battle. He would have with him two or three victims, sometimes the people they had recently been fighting. Their lives were forfeit. They were victims—nay, sacrifices—to the dark guild. They would have been killed anyway, so Kenta had to keep them alive long enough to power the machine. Often it took the victim's life. Sometimes, especially if the victim was a wizard, they survived. If they were that fortunate, their luck was not for long. They were a dark guild, after all. Kenta only asked that they execute their prisoners away from his clinic.

Now, here were these teenagers from a light guild, optimistic, hopeful, eager to give anything for one of their own. He read a quote once that magic was not giving away from someone else, but giving of one's self with no expectation of getting that sacrifice back. These people were _true_ magic users.

While Kenta walked over to a control panel set against the wall that separated the two rooms, Lucy went over to Erza and whispered her name, questioning silently how Natsu was doing.

"He's fine," Erza whispered back.

Gray heard and looked over. "Huh? What are you girls talking about?"

"Ah, nothing," Lucy said sharply.

"Ready?" Kenta asked.

"As I'll ever be," Gray sighed in boredom. "What is that you're messing with?"

"The machine's control panel. It controls this and the … um … other half," Kenta said awkwardly.

Gray wondered why he had stumbled over his words. "What other half?" he asked sharply.

Lucy came to the rescue again. "The battery. It takes a huge battery. It's in another room because it's … loud."

"Oh, okay," Gray said, leaning back down.

Lucy cringed at that. "Battery?" she whispered, hating to think of Natsu that way.

"Shh," Erza warned. They could not upset Gray, not at such a delicate time in his healing.

"Okay, let's start her up." Kenta flipped on some switches and turned a knob just a little. "How's that for you, Mister Fullbuster?"

"Well, fine so far," he decided. "I feel a tingle, but it's in my lungs."

"Yes, it tends to work on internal organs first and eventually works on extremities. I heard you had damage to some organs. That will be fixed. It'll work it's way down to the thighs eventually. Lucy, you said you can direct magic flow. How about we do that?"

"Nah," Gray said, relaxing into the feeling. "My lung has been hurting for months, especially in the cold. If this can fix my lung too, I'd like that. The leg can wait."

Lucy cringed as she thought about how Natsu was powering this, but Gray sounded so nonchalant. Erza put a hand on the blonde's shoulder and shook her head. If Gray needed his lung fixed too, they might as well get it healed.

"A little more," Kenta said, turning the device up a fraction. Erza saw him checking the stone in his pocket. He nodded in satisfaction before turning it up a tiny bit more. "That's all I dare do for today," he muttered. "Now, we sit back and wait."

Gray laid there, feeling the warm, buzzing tingle in his chest, but otherwise he was ready to drift off to sleep. Kenta sat silently, watching the control panel, sometimes checking on the stone or walking over to check on Gray, but everything seemed to be fine. An hour ticked by.

Lucy finally leaned over to the redhead and whispered as softly as she could. "Erza, I'm worried about … the battery."

She was worried about Natsu, too, although she had been silent the whole hour. "I'll check." She got up and walked to the door again.

Gray jolted from a drowsy nap. "Bathroom trip again?"

"How are you doing?" Lucy asked so he would not worry about Erza.

"I'm fine. Bored out of my mind, though. Maybe I should bring a book to read next time."

Lucy tried to smile, but she looked to the door and the other room, where she was sure silent boredom was hardly the problem.

* * *

Erza entered the connector hallway and waited for the second set of doors to open. She realized just how good the sound proofing was when those doors opened and she heard screaming.

"Natsu!" she shouted, racing in with dread.

"Arrrrrrgh!" Saliva was dripping out of the mouth guard as he thrashed against the restraints.

Erza put her hand on his body to hold him down. "Natsu!" she screamed. "Dammit! We need to turn this off."

"No!" Natsu bellowed. He huffed through the pain. "Don't. Don't turn it off. I'm … _aaaaaaaaaargh!_ " His body arched as the veins in his neck stiffened out.

"Natsu!"

"Just … hurts a bit," he huffed. " _Kssss_ … hurts more than I thought it would."

"Natsu," Erza cringed. "I'll tell him to turn it down…"

"No!" he yelled. Natsu tried to calm himself. "How's Gray doing?"

"He's fine," she said, rubbing back his hair. This time, the pink strands were drenched in sweat. "Apparently, it's working on his lung and intestines first."

"His … guts," Natsu panted. "That's … good. I remember … cauterizing … arteries in his … g- … guuuuts! _Rrrrgh!_ Ah! Dammit!" He gritted down so hard, only the mouth guard protected him from biting his tongue or cracking his teeth.

"Natsu?"

"No! No, it … it's fine." He twisted around, trying to fight the pain. "When we were … in … _rarrrgh_ … E-Edolas … Wendy and I … were strapped in … in … a thing. Old guy … King … F-Faust?" he asked, too tormented to remember names. "Yeah. Faust. He strapped us to something. Sucked our … _grrrrraah_ … our magic out. It hurt just like this. Almost … _dammit_ … exactly like … this. Ugh, _gyaaaaaw!_ "

"Natsu," Erza said, holding his cheeks. They were no longer fiery and soft; they were sickly cold and sweaty. "We should switch places now."

"No!" he shouted, and Natsu looked up into her eyes. "I can take this. If you suddenly disappear, it won't be good."

Erza struggled against stinging heat in her eyes. "Natsu…"

"It's fine," he sneered, and suddenly Natsu collapsed down. "It's … fine, Erza. It's fine." He gulped hard. "Just … gotta get used to it. That's all. Play through the pain, right? I've been through worse. Drink?" he asked.

Erza saw a bottle of water nearby, removed his mouth guard, and poured some into his mouth. He swallowed needfully. When some dripped out of the corner of his mouth, she gently wiped it away. Then she poured some of the cool water on his head and slicked his sweaty hair back.

"Please," Natsu said, and his eyes opened out of their agony to look at her with determination. "Don't tell him. Please, don't let him know about … about _this_."

Erza realized, now that she saw how bad it could be, Gray definitely should not know. She nodded in agreement. Then, realizing she was only making Natsu try to act brave, she put the mouth guard back into his mouth and left the room. She returned to the silent, sleepy room where Gray was dozing off. It felt surreal in here, knowing that just another room over Natsu was in pain.

More time passed. In one room, it was boring waiting with nothing more to do. Lucy summoned Lyra to play music for them, and Gray laid on the bed smiling contentedly. In the other room, it was like a torture scene from Hell. Natsu thrashed against the restraints and screamed as magic was sucked out of him at a horrific rate. The only thing separating these two extremes was a single soundproof wall.

Natsu began to sound raspy and looked truly sick. Happy went over to the bed.

"Natsu?" he whimpered.

"I'm fine, Happy," he said weakly. He did not even have the energy to move anymore.

"You're _not_ fine," he insisted worriedly. "You're going pale."

"It's … fine." Suddenly, his eyes widened in shock, and his body collapsed flat.

"Natsu?" Happy asked in dread.

"No, it … it stopped."

Happy looked up at a clock on the wall. "It's been three hours."

"Has it?" Natsu sighed with a light, weary smile. "Feels like all day."

The door opened again, and Erza walk back in. "Natsu?" She pulled the mouth guard out and saw stab marks where his sharp canines had pierced down into the plastic.

He looked over with a weak and half-insane smile. "Hey, Eeeeeerzaaaa." Her name dragged out wearily on his lips.

"You look like crap."

"Yeah," he laughed, staring off and barely conscious. "I feel like crap." He sounded like he was trying to make a joke, but his words were scratchy coming out of his throat. "Ooh damn, that sucked."

"Tomorrow, I'll take over. You can sit with Gray and relax."

"No!" he said, the sleepiness gone. "Look, Erza, I … I don't think I can walk. If Gray sees me, he'll know I was up to something. If we're both like this, he'll figure it out _real_ quickly." He panted as he struggled to stay conscious. "I don't want him to know _how_ we're healing him. I don't want him … to s-suffer … knowing we're sacrificing this much."

Her mouth dropped in protest as she realized what he was saying. "Natsu!"

He glared at her, pale with fatigue but with a glint in his eyes that seared any arguments. "I'll do it!" That was all he could manage. He fell back down flat and stared at the ceiling. "Tell him I left. Tell him I went home."

"He's already mad that you're not around. He thinks you're goofing off."

"That's fine. If he hates me, that's fine. Anything is fine," he said, barely aware of what he was even saying anymore. "You and Lucy … protect him." He rolled over to look at her and begged her with all the sincerity he had. "Please! Protect him."

Erza shook her head. "You can't…"

"I'll handle it!" he shouted angrily, but that only weakened him more. He fell flat down again. "Just … don't let him find out. I don't want him … to feel … g-guilty. This is my burden. Mine alone. I couldn't get to him in time. I was there, I saw him get shot, and I couldn't get to him. He almost died … because I wasn't quick enough."

"That was _not_ your fault," she yelled.

" _I couldn't protect him!_ " Natsu shouted in rage. He looked at her again with tears in the corners of his eyes. "This is my way of making up for it. I _need_ to do this. It's the only way … the only way I can forgive myself."

Erza saw such sorrow in Natsu's gaze. She knew she should protest, but this look … she had felt this strongly about protecting her friends many times. She knew the feeling well, and she knew Natsu was too stubborn to budge on the matter.

"I'll stay here," he decided firmly. "I'll make sure this bastard healer doesn't leave. I can rest up here in the clinic. Maybe he can even heal me some. When you bring Gray back tomorrow, I'll stay in this room. Gray must never know I'm here."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely," Natsu glowered in stubborn determination, yet his scratchy voice was fading. He had to swallow hard to ease the raw ache.

Erza shook her head, knowing in her heart that this was a bad idea. "I don't like it."

"Hey, it's not fun for me, either," he chuckled weakly, "but it's the only way. We can't ever let him know. Tell Lucy, too. Gray must _never_ know we did this. I don't want him to suffer guilt and depression ever again." A silent tear slipped down his cheek. "I can't handle seeing him like that. Hearing him say he wants to die, seeing the pain he's been suffering all these months, all that mental agony eating away at him, and that ache in my heart as I constantly blame myself … this pain is nothing in comparison!" he sneered. "So don't let him know. He can be as angry as he wants at me for ditching you guys, but I _never_ want him to feel suicidal again. Never!"

Flames flickered in his mouth at the fiery conviction. Erza was relieved to see that he still had some spare magic within him. The machine had not sucked him dry. His strong feelings infected her and made her proud. Natsu and Gray fought all the time, but she knew deep in her heart that their rivalry only made their bond that much stronger. They might be polar opposites, but they were best friends. There could be no summer without winter, no heat without cold, no Natsu without Gray.

She stroked back his hair and smiled down at him. "I get it," she said gently. "Still, if it's ever too bad, just let us know. I don't like to see you in pain, either."

"Sure," he nodded. "Keep him happy, okay?"

"I'll watch over him for you," she promised. "Happy, Natsu is in your care."

"Aye, sir," the Exceed said with worry saddening his large, round eyes.

"Don't be an idiot," she scolded the Dragon Slayer.

Natsu grinned brazenly. "You know me!"

"Exactly," she snapped. Still, despite her worries, she leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Take care, Natsu." Then she turned and left the room.

Happy walked over to the bed and leaped up beside Natsu. His face was caught somewhere between apprehension, anger, and asperity. "You're not doing well at all. Why didn't you tell her the truth?"

"Because she can't do this," he said quietly, staring up at the ceiling in weakness. "I can't let this happen to Erza, or to anyone."

"Natsu…"

"It'll be okay, Happy. And Gray … he'll walk again. Everything … will be … okay." He grinned to himself, but then he immediately passed out.

**Next Chapter: "A Steep Price to Pay"**


	15. A Steep Price to Pay

_"When people are protecting something truly special to them, they truly can become … as strong as they can be."_  
_― Masashi Kishimoto_

 

* * *

The progress was slow, but every day Gray improved little by little. By the third day, Erza stopped going into the back room. The last time she went, she came back looking like she just vomited. Lucy was worried about Natsu, but Erza was stern: "Don't go back there!"

After a week of treatment, Gray could feel most of his left leg. His breathing was clear. The horrific surgery scars across his stomach began to fade. During one particularly painful session, Kenta had to do an emergency operation as the healing device began to regrow the leg bone that the hospital doctors had replaced. He showed his true skill in surgery and healing by numbing Gray, quickly cutting open his leg, and removing the metal rod the doctors had inserted. By the end of that day, the bone had replaced itself, and the surgical cut had healed until not even a scar was left.

Gray began to smile as he walked more. He felt amazing! It was like this machine was giving him life.

Then suddenly, after ten days, the machine quit. At the same time, the stone that Kenta held onto made a strange noise and began to glow. Cursing, he ran into the other room.

"What's going on?" Gray asked, trying to sit up, but the straps over him prevented that. "Why is he running to the lady's restroom?"

"Stay there," Erza shouted, chasing after Kenta. "Lucy, stay with him. Don't get off the bed." Then she ran off, too.

"Seriously, what's going on?" asked Gray.

Lucy stood beside him, but her worried gaze was at the doors. "Something must be wrong with … the battery."

* * *

When finally the second door opened and Erza rushed in, rather than the moans and screams of Natsu in pain, the room was silent. That immediately alerted her to something being very wrong. Then she realized Kenta was breathing into Natsu's mouth. He puffed air in, and then he pounded on the Dragon Slayer's chest.

"Oh my God," Erza whispered. "Is he…?"

"I won't let him die," Kenta insisted. He breathed more, inflating Natsu's chest.

"How did this happen?" Erza screamed.

Happy sat to the side in tears. "He kept saying he was okay. I kept asking, and he kept insisting he was okay."

"You!" Erza yelled at Kenta.

"Not now," he snapped back. "Unless you really want him to die." He compressed Natsu's chest again, counting softly to himself, then plugged Natsu's nose and breathed into his mouth.

"Ten days!" Erza shouted. "He's been living with you for ten days, under your roof, in your care. You should have seen signs."

Kenta glared up in annoyance. "Yes, I saw signs! I saw his fatigue the very first day. I warned him!" He focused back down, thumping into Natsu's chest. Then he felt the side of his neck again and cursed in frustration. "I've been warning him for days. I saw it was bad. He'd look pale, unable to sit up, he'd sleep for hours, but by evening he'd look perfectly normal again. He kept insisting he felt fine, that he was a Dragon Slayer, and we all know those sorts are super powerful. He laughed and told jokes through dinner. He smiled the same as always. Yes, I saw how pale he was after sessions, but after a few hours he showed no signs of fatigue. None!" The man glared up at Erza again. "I'm a healer who uses magical devices because I'm not a wizard myself. How the hell should I know if he's not okay when physically he looks perfectly fine?" He began to pound Natsu's chest harder in anger. "Damn stubborn boy!"

Suddenly, they heard Natsu gasp. He continued to lie still, but when Kenta felt the side of the neck, there was definitely a pulse. Slowly, unsteadily, Natsu began to breathe again. The healer sighed in relief and went over to a cabinet to pull out some medicines.

"I won't let him do this anymore," Kenta told Erza. "I have no way of knowing just how much life force was drained from him. I think this was lucky."

"Lucky?" Erza shouted.

"It was sudden, right?" Kenta asked Happy.

"Yes. He was fine, and then he passed out."

Kenta injected something into Natsu's vein. "His heart gave out from sheer physical exhaustion, handling the pain for this long. I've had the machine on a really low setting for a week now just because I was worried if he really could replenish his magic overnight. It shouldn't have siphoned much of his life force, but the pain would still be a strain on his heart after ten days." Kenta dug through drawers and pulled out a hand-held device, which he placed against Natsu's chest. "Hmm. That is strange. Reassuring, though."

"What?" Erza looked at the readout on the device, but it seemed to be another language. Where did this man collect these medical tools?

"He actually still has a deep reservoir of Eterano, far more than I ever would have imagined possible for a wizard, let alone one who has been expending vast quantities of magic for over a week straight. Seriously, just what sort of humans are these Dragon Slayers?"

"So his life force is not in danger?" she asked.

"If this reading is correct, I could have run this machine at full power and still not depleted his magic. He lost no life force at all. That's miraculous. Still, we can use this as an excuse to force him to stop."

"What do you mean?"

"We lie," he said bluntly. "We say his magic was depleted, his life is in danger, and force him to rest. Gray has only one or two more sessions before the nerves fully reattach and tendons reconnect. However, one more day on this…" The healer shook his head, showing that continuing was out of the question. "He has magic to spare, but his heart muscle is damaged. There is no way it would hold out through another session. If you could…"

Erza did not even wait for him to finish. She easily lifted Natsu into her arms. "Get it ready for me. I'll put him to bed."

She walked through another set of doors, which led to the living quarters of the clinic. Up some stairs she found bedrooms, and she figured the one with the messy bed was Natsu's. Happy flew along behind her looking worried.

"Is he gonna be okay?" the little cat asked.

"I want you to keep watch over him. His heart is weak, so he's not out of danger."

"I'm sorry, Erza," Happy sniffled with his ears drooping down.

"When Natsu gets this stubborn, it's hard for anyone to tell where his real limits are. At least it seems his life force was never really in danger. He's still an idiot for not resting more."

She laid Natsu in the bed. He moaned, and one eye peeped open a crack.

"Erza?" His voice sounded raspy.

"You overdid it. You almost died, and we had to revive you."

"Gray…" He began to cough with a pain in his throat from all the screaming.

"He doesn't know. I won't tell Lucy about this, either. You're forbidden from using that machine, though."

"No … gotta heal Gray."

"What part of _you almost died_ don't you understand?" she snapped. "Use that fire-filled head of yours and think about it. Do you really think Gray would want to live with the knowledge that you gave your life just so he could walk? The machine is off-limits. Kenta said one more session really would kill you."

Natsu laid back in exhaustion. "I wasn't strong enough to protect him. Now I'm not strong enough to heal him."

Erza smoothed back his pink hair. "You don't need to be strong enough to shoulder everything. You're not alone in this."

"Still … wanted to … on my own."

Erza smiled down as she stroked his hair. "You did more than enough. Gray can already walk."

Natsu looked up with massive eyes, and he smiled as childishly happy as always. "He can? He's walking?"

"Yes. You healed him, Natsu. It's just a little bit left to go. You don't need to do anything more."

"Walking." A tear slipped from Natsu's eye. "He's walking. It really worked. I'm so … happy," he sighed, and suddenly he collapsed backwards, immediately falling to sleep and snoring.

Erza sighed and shook her head. "You two fight all the time, but deep down, Gray really does mean a lot to you."

She left Natsu to sleep it off and went back downstairs to the room with the machine. Kenta had everything prepared for her. Erza Requipped out of her armor and into something loose and comfortable.

"Don't you dare tell Lucy anything more than that Natsu passed out and he's sleeping."

The healer nodded. He hooked Erza up to the machine and put a new mouth guard between her teeth. "I'll start low and slowly work up. Happy?" The Exceed nodded and showed that he still had the stone in his hands. "Good. Now, I'll tell you the same thing I told him. Don't internalize it. You'll destroy your heart like he did. If you need to scream, do so. Let the pain _out_. Being stubborn and holding it all in could mean death. I know you're the Titania of Fairy Tail, a strong and independent woman, but just this once please realize that with pain this bad, it's okay to scream." Then he left back to the other room.

Erza shifted around to get comfortable on the hard bed. She suddenly felt grooves down near her hands. She looked over and realized they were claw marks. Natsu had clawed right into the metal bed.

Suddenly, she gasped as she felt something almost exactly like getting stabbed in the stomach. It was such a horrible feeling, she felt ready to throw up. Slowly, the pain spread. Burning, stinging, stabbing, and a feeling like shards of glass were running through her veins and tearing away all of her nerves from the inside out. Despite herself, Erza screamed.

This was pain that Natsu had been suffering with daily for ten days, yet he never asked for a break. Even when he almost died, he wanted to continue suffering alone for Gray's sake. Even Erza had to admit, dedication like that went way beyond a feeling of attachment between teammates.

* * *

"This is really great," Gray exclaimed. He was standing by the bed, going up onto his toes and back down. "All of the numbness is gone. I feel like I could run back to Magnolia." He began to jog in place, but he tripped and almost fell. Lucy caught him under the arms.

"Easy! The healer told you not to overdo it. Your muscles and tendons are reattached, but they're weak after so many months without using them."

"Yeah, guess so," he laughed lightly. "Somehow, it felt much nicer today for some reason. I really do think that's all I need. I stopped feeling the tingling sensation near the end. Maybe that means it's all healed up. Must be that new battery he put it. The other one was probably old and about to die."

Lucy shivered and looked aside. She wished Gray would not talk like that, but she did not dare tell him precisely _what_ was the so-called battery. Kenta had told her that Natsu passed out and Erza was now hooked up to the machine. Of course, Erza was a monster of power. It was not that surprising that she was able to run the machine at a higher level.

Just then, Kenta came back out of the side room with Erza. She was pale and sweaty, but otherwise she looked fine.

"Oh wow, Erza!" Gray grimaced. "I guess the diarrhea really did a number on you."

Erza looked over to Lucy in confusion, who gave her a meek shrug. It was the only excuse she had thought of to explain why Erza went to the "lady's room" and did not come back.

"Never mind that," she said. "How is the leg?"

"All healed. There's not even that tingle in my big toe like I had this morning. That fresh battery really did the trick."

Erza smiled weakly. "I'm glad. If you think there's any more healing, I highly recommend you get it done the day _after_ tomorrow." There was no way she could put up with that machine two days in a row. How Natsu had done it for ten days straight was just insane.

"Nah, I'm feeling great. I'd rather get home as soon as possible." He punched his hand into his fist. "I can't wait to strengthen up my leg so I can kick Natsu's butt for taking off on me like a total asshole."

"Gray," Lucy warned with sad eyes.

"That jackass is just a stupid, selfish, flame-br-…"

Erza slapped him with a resounding crack. Gray stood stunned, his cheek bright red and already swelling. Lucy gasped, but she was not surprised that Erza would lash out.

Erza shook with rage. "Don't you ever let me hear you say something bad about Natsu again," she whispered, barely holding herself back from saying more. She turned sharply and stormed out of the clinic.

Gray rubbed his face. "Dammit, what's up with her? Are you sure it was diarrhea and not PMS? Maybe PMS with diarrhea?"

Lucy could not say anything, and she ran after Erza. If she stayed, she was afraid she might also slap Gray, although it was not his fault for being ignorant about the situation. They were the ones keeping secrets from him.

Upstairs in the house, Natsu stood by the window. He saw Erza stomp off, and Lucy was not far behind. Then, to his happiness, he saw Gray come out. There was no wheelchair, no crutches, and no limp.

"He's walking," Natsu smiled happily. He put his hand up to the glass as tears slipped down his cheeks. "You're whole again. You won't have to suffer like that anymore." His fingers caressed the glass right over where he saw Gray. He wanted to touch that leg, feel for himself that it was okay, and rest assured that Gray really would be able to fight again. He would run and jump and kick and have…

… sex …

Would Gray want to find a girl right away? Would he want to enjoy the return of his body and all the pleasure he could now experience without agony? Natsu figured he might, and he would probably not want Natsu to be that person. He no longer needed to care for Gray, so why would Gray ever fall in love with him?

"As long as he's happy," Natsu whispered to himself. "As long as…" His words faded as he watched Gray walking away. Natsu rubbed out a pain in his chest right over his heart. He grimaced at the ache, but then he focused back on Gray. "It's a steep price to pay I guess, but you're walking and happy. I couldn't rescue you, but I managed to heal you, so … it's worth it." He rubbed his chest again, and his hand clenched over his heart. "It's … worth it."

**Next Chapter: "Fake Fantasy"**


	16. Fake Fantasy

_"A lie that is half-truth is the darkest of all lies."_  
_― Alfred Tennyson_

 

* * *

Although Gray could walk, recovery was still slow. He lost a lot of muscle during his months paralyzed. Simply walking from his house to the guild hall exhausted him and made his leg muscles cramp up.

Still, he practiced and trained. He had to start off slow with weight training. Since it was not at some insanely monstrous level, either Juvia or Lucy helped him out with this. He wanted to get back into fighting as soon as possible, so when he was too tired to stand, he sat on a hill and got creative with his Ice-Make magic or focused on his Demon Slayer magic.

He quietly admitted over drinks with Lyon, he really had lost all hope during his months being injured, and since he could not imagine a future without fighting for Fairy Tail, he had thought about suicide many times. Now, he cried with happiness at simply being alive. He had held on long enough to reach this point now, back on both feet, gradually regaining his life. He and Lyon drank all night to celebrate.

"Life has a tendency to get better, if only we hold on through the darkness," Lyon told his adopted little brother.

"You're one to talk," Gray smiled drunkenly. "You've got a pretty damn good life."

"I'm one who held on. I went from the lowest a wizard can get to the ace of Lamia Scale." He tipped his glass to Gray. "You'll go places too, little brother. I have a feeling this is the start of a new life for you."

Just then, a waitress came by. "Hello, gentlemen. We close in ten minutes. Can I get something for you as a last call?"

Gray smiled as he eyed her up and down. "How about a phone number and a date on your next night off?"

"Smooth," she chuckled.

"Another round of beers, then."

"And the tab," Lyon said. "My treat tonight."

"Well, that's generous of you," Gray said as the waitress strolled off. "We've been drinking for hours. It must be a hell of a tab we've racked up."

"Hey, my little brother is back on his feet and able to drink without worrying about destroying what's left of his liver. I have to do everything I can to knock you down a peg before you start to get cocky, even if it means putting you in my debt."

"When am I ever cocky?"

The waitress came back. "Here you go," she said, handing a beer and the bill to Lyon. "And … here _you_ go," she smiled at Gray, handing over his beer and a napkin with a number written on it. She gave him a seductive smile before strolling off with a wiggle to her hips.

Lyon rolled his eyes. "Cockiness in three, two, one…"

"So she likes me. Is that so strange?"

"A month ago, you were lamenting about not getting laid. I believe your words were, 'No woman can see me past the wheelchair.' Which is bullshit, by the way. A real lover will keep loving you, wheelchair or not."

"Maybe, but I don't have anyone who loves me."

Lyon gave him a cold look. "You do, and you know it."

"Right. Juvia," he groaned, rolling his eyes. "You can have her."

"I could never win her," Lyon shrugged in defeat. "The point is, you were a sob story waiting to break out the tissue box last month. Now…" He said nothing and just waved to the scrap of paper as evidence to the contrary. "Welcome back to the realm of hitting on waitresses and meaningless sex. Hell, if it was me, after what you've been through, I'd definitely be an arrogant sonuvabitch."

Gray lifted his beer in salute. "New life indeed!" he said with a wink.

"Yes, good for you, now get your damn clothes back on, idiot," Lyon sighed. "I swear, it's like you never grew up."

Gray looked down and realized that his shirt had once again vanished.

* * *

Every day from the sidelines, Natsu watched Gray as he slowly rebuilt his body. He told no one, but the Dragon Slayer knew that he had his own healing to worry about. There were days when his chest hurt, his heart fluttered strangely, and he often lost his breath walking uphill. Sometimes he had to sneak over to Wendy for her to use a bit of magic to strengthen his heart muscles. She once tried to question why his heart was suddenly so weak, but he refused to answer her with anything except, "It's a sacrifice that I don't regret."

Erza saw the suffering of both of them. Only she and Happy understood Natsu's pain. The Dragon Slayer laughed and brawled like normal; however, when Erza saw him reach up to rub the pain in his chest, she grabbed him by the collar, pretended to scold him, and secretly ordered him to rest for a day or two.

"If you don't, everyone will know about your heart, and we won't be able to hide it from Gray any longer."

That threat always worked. More than anything, Natsu did not want Gray to know the price of getting back his leg. He just wanted Gray to enjoy his new life, not lament that it took a steep sacrifice.

As the weather grew warm, Erza declared that they would go to the beach for some fun and to help Gray get in physical therapy. Gray was thankful, Lucy and Wendy were excited, Happy and Carla liked the idea, but Natsu looked aside.

"You guys go on," he said. "I have an appointment with … someone."

"Do you mean your stripper girlfriend?" asked Gray.

Natsu glared up caustically. "She's not my girlfriend, and I don't want to hear _you_ , of all people, belittling Rei-chan's profession. She's a sweet girl."

"Who just so happens to get paid for having sex with men."

Natsu leaped at him with his fist aflame, but Erza held him back.

"You take that back!" Natsu screamed.

"How much do you pay her per night?"

"Shut up, asshole!"

"Is that why you ran away during my treatment? You couldn't stay with _this_ stripper, so you had to run back to your _other_ stripper."

Natsu stopped struggling against Erza. "Other … stripper?"

"I bet that was it," Gray scoffed. "Now you don't even want to come with us to the beach, something fun, something we can all finally enjoy as a team."

Natsu's head dropped in shame.

Lucy tried to come to the rescue. "Why don't you invite your girlfriend with us? I haven't met her yet."

Natsu grumbled, "I said she's not my girlfriend. She can't leave, either. She has work."

"Stripping and whoring," Gray muttered.

Natsu's fist flamed again. "Say something bad about her again and I'll break your face."

Erza sternly ordered, "Both of you, stop it!"

"Fine, I'll go to the beach," Natsu shouted. "I just have to cancel my date with Rei-chan."

"A date?" Lucy asked. "I thought you said you're not dating."

"She's not my girlfriend," he repeated, and he walked away with Happy.

Gray folded his arms and turned aside. "Che! I knew he'd probably never get a serious relationship, but I never thought he'd turn to hiring prostitutes."

"Something is strange about this," Erza said. "He seems to be exclusive with her, even protective, but when I asked, he said he's not actually having sex with her."

That caught Gray's attention. "What does _not actually_ mean?"

Erza shrugged. "I figured he meant they were just dating, maybe playing around a little, but he's also insistent that she's not his girlfriend."

"That is strange," Lucy agreed. "Not dating, but having exclusive time together?"

"Who cares?" Gray grumbled. "If he wants to screw her, or not screw her, I don't care one bit. I'm gonna go pack for the beach."

Wendy pouted as they watched the ice wizard walking away. "Gray also acts weird whenever someone mentions about Natsu's girlfriend, or whatever she is."

"Indeed," Erza said, thinking about it seriously. "I wonder…"

Lucy gasped and looked over to her. "You're not thinking this is … jealousy!"

"It's hard to say," Erza mused.

"Jealous of what?" asked Wendy. "Why would Gray be jealous that Natsu has a date with a lady?"

Carla sighed and shook her head. "You'll figure it out when you're older."

* * *

"Ah! Ahhhhh!" The raven-haired beauty arched up on a bed with crimson satin sheets that tangled around her thrashing body. "Natsu-dear! Mmmh, deeper."

His fingers thrust into her ass as deep as they could go.

"Now, curl up."

He followed her instructions.

"That should be it. You won't feel it on me, though. Women don't have a prostate. I could get you a man who…"

"No," he said firmly. "Like this."

She smiled and patted his cheek. "You're a strange one, Natsu-dear. Something is the matter, though. We can stop."

"Do you still need … um … that? Finishing off?"

"You know that's never been a goal between us. Go wash your hands."

His two fingers slowly pulled back. He went to a water basin in this little room within her club and scrubbed his hands.

Rei-chan pulled a silky robe around her naked body and flipped out her mussed up hair. "What's wrong, Natsu-dear?"

"My team is leaving on a strength-building trip to the beach."

"Ooh, sounds like fun."

"Gray will be there," Natsu muttered.

"You told me he's walking again."

"Yes, that's why we're going. His leg is weak still. This is for his sake."

She smiled fondly. "You really would do anything for Gray-dear. Even this, learning how to pleasure someone so you can know what will make him feel good if you ever get the chance to fulfill your fantasy."

Natsu dropped his head. "I think … maybe we shouldn't anymore."

"Well, you are _much_ better at kissing now," she chuckled. "You won't disappoint him in that way. Any reason in particular for ceasing your lessons?"

"Gray seemed mad. About this. About us."

"Mad, or jealous?"

"I'm not sure." He toweled off his hands and went back to the bed to sit beside her. "How did you figure out so quickly that I was gay?"

Rei-chan gave a light shrug. "I'm used to men, Natsu-dear. I've seen men getting dragged in by their friends. Loke-dear is a sweetheart, and I'm sure he meant well by bringing you here. He knows I'm intuitive. He was likely at a total loss for how to help you. That's why he asked me to … _handle_ you. I'm sure he had no clue what way you swing."

"But you figured it out so quickly. I wasn't even sure about it myself. I mean, I liked Lisanna, and Lucy is really pretty, but … Gray…"

"You're bisexual rather than gay. Men, women, it doesn't matter, right?" she smiled knowingly. "Gray-dear is the first male you've thought about romantically though, correct?"

"Yeah, it sort of freaked me out."

"Since you've known him for so long, and he's always been a rival, it's no wonder that it took this long for your feelings to come forward. You love all of your friends, Natsu-dear." She squeezed him around the shoulders. "You're just a big pile of sweetness!"

"Hey!" he laughed, playfully pushing her away.

"So, Gray-dear said something about us, eh?"

"Yeah, he called you a whore and asked how much I pay you."

"Did you tell him?"

"I … n-no. I mean, it's complicated and … and it's not how he thinks. We're not … you know," he mumbled awkwardly, trying to motion with his hands but still not sure how to phrase it.

"Spreading my legs in some dimly lit back room for a few Jewels?" she questioned with a light chuckle. "Sorry, but I would _never_ lower my standards to whoring. I'm far better than that. So, what else did he say?"

"He accused me of leaving his treatment to come back to you."

"He doesn't know about … this?" She delicately placed her hand over Natsu's chest with a worried expression.

Natsu shook his head. "I can't let him know, or anyone. I wouldn't have even told you, but—"

"But I saw it in your face," she filled in. "Just as I can tell anything about any man."

Natsu looked aside reflectively. "Gray was mad enough knowing I defeated the enemy who beat him. If he knew I almost died so he could walk again, he'd never forgive me."

"Well, you know him best," she shrugged. "I think it's sweet of you. It shows how much you love him."

"Maybe," Natsu blushed. "But then today, he said something strange. 'You couldn't stay with _this_ stripper, so you had to run back to your _other_ stripper.' That's what's been bugging me."

"He's a strip dancer, too?" she asked in surprise. "You never mentioned that."

"No, he just strips. He doesn't even know he does it. Something about being part of his childhood training. It's an unconscious habit now, so I call him a pervy stripper all the time. He hates it. It's an easy way to annoy him."

She hummed and put her finger to her vermilion lips. "Comparing my profession to his habit. Using a nickname he actually hates, one only you call him, and applying it to our supposed relationship. It's like he sees me as a rival." She grinned happily to Natsu. "I think you're winning him over. However, he seems to be mad that you were not around during his healing. That means you should be around him a lot more now. Really try to help him. He'll protest any help—his pride will demand that much—but I think he really does want you around. Otherwise, he wouldn't be this mad."

"Should I tell him that I broke up with you?"

"We were never together, Natsu-dear. I'm just training you."

"We still … do stuff," he muttered. "I feel guilty sometimes."

"You were the one who wanted some experience so you can convince him that gay sex can be pleasurable. All I've done is teach you how to kiss, how to sweet-talk, massage techniques, and the location of erogenous zones."

"But … but I've stuck my finger … down there," he said, blushing fiercely.

"That's the hardest part about gay sex, Natsu-dear. If you don't know how to loosen up your partner, since he's never had it anally before, or how to stretch out yourself if, when the time comes, he wants to be on top, you could seriously hurt him or yourself, and he might not want to try it again." She rubbed his arm consolingly. "All you did was use your fingers. That's normal experimentation for a teenager."

"But … it … it makes me aroused," he muttered guiltily.

"Because you're imagining him, right?" she reasoned. "You've even called his name while touching me. Gray. Rei. The black hair, same height. Loke-dear asked me to take charge of you that night only because he knows I can read the hearts of men with a single glance, but I like to think fate made it so I'm just enough like your beloved one. It makes me feel like I'm your own personal guardian angel, guiding you on the path to heaven."

Natsu reluctantly smiled at her bright tone.

"Try this. Don't tell him you broke up with me just yet. Jealousy might be a good thing at the moment. It might force him to realize how special you are in his life, if he thinks he might be replaced by, as he put it, _another stripper_. You could tell him we don't have sex. That might reassure him some. However," she smiled mischievously, "when the time is right, tell him that I strip dance for you, and I'm showing you how to kiss like a pro. With any luck, that might make him want to dance for you, show you he's just as good, and if you're really lucky, he'll start to fantasize about just how good of a kisser you are." Her fingernail trailed over his lips. "You really are good, too."

"I had a good teacher," he said, lightly touching her cheek.

"In another universe," she sighed with just a little wistfulness. "But I'm training you for your beloved. Now, close your eyes. Imagine him. Picture him in your mind." She reached over to her dressing table and pulled off a choker. She strapped it around her throat. "Like this?" Her voice was a perfect mimic of Gray's.

"Y-yeah," Natsu said, looking slightly disturbed.

"Close your eyes," Rei-chan said, her voice now masculine, deep, and sonorous. "Flame-brain."

Natsu had to laugh. "You really have his arrogant tone down."

"I only need to talk to someone once to hear the speech patterns. Now shut up!" She pressed him backwards onto the bed. "Eyes closed, you squinty-eyed idiot."

"Turn the lights off," he said. "I don't want you to see."

"Fine."

Behind his eyelids, Natsu saw the lights vanish. When he opened his eyes, all he saw was a shadow. It moved toward him and began to undo his belt.

"Gray?" he whispered.

Gray's voice answered him. "If we're gonna do this, I want to top."

"That's fine. I just want you. It doesn't matter how."

It was a scenario they had practiced. Natsu did not really care who topped. Sure, he wanted to claim Gray as his, take him, have him, mark him as his mate, but he knew that when the time came—if it ever came—Gray might insist on topping, just because it was what he was used to doing. Rei-chan had offered to train him in how gay sex worked. Natsu's only demand was that they did not actually have sex. Hands, mouths, even toys, but not genitals. She was politely accommodating and never pushed for more.

"Natsu…"

Gray's voice was soothing. Natsu felt touches, kisses on his neck and working down his chest. Then a finger, gloved and lubed, rubbed him below.

She always wore latex gloves for this, a safety precaution she took in her profession. Would Gray wear gloves? Probably not. Natsu wanted to feel the roughness of those cold hands.

A finger slowly worked in, and Natsu gasped. Before coming here, he barely understood sex, let alone how two men could do it. Rei-chan taught him, and slowly they worked up to doing just this much.

"Relax," Gray's voice instructed. "Loosen your hips."

Gentle instructions. Gentle hands. Gentle probing, in and out, loosening him, stroking along his length…

"That's good, Natsu. So good."

… Lie back, pretend it's Gray …

"I want you, Natsu."

"Nnngh! Gray."

… Live out his fantasies here, since the real world was too sad and painful …

"Tell me what you need, Natsu. I've never done it with a man."

"I … I need…"

"Tell me clearly."

"A-another finger. Stretch it out first."

"Stretch?" The voice questioned as if truly naïve. Gray would not know anything about pleasuring another man. When the time came, Natsu would have to instruct him in a way that kept Gray wanting to continue, but clear enough so they could enjoy this.

"You're so big, Gray. I need to be stretched so you can fit inside."

"I think I get it." A second finger pressed in.

"Gray! _Nnngh!_ "

"Relax." A gloved hand stroked his arousal while the fingers stretched him. "I'll take care of everything."

"I want you, Gray," he moaned.

"I want you, too. Are you ready for more?"

… Gray's voice …

But not Gray's hands. Not Gray's smell.

"No," he whispered.

"That's fine," the deep voice whispered, and lips descended down close to his mouth.

"No!" he said firmer, turning his head aside. "Quit. Not today. Just … no," he sighed in defeat.

The fingers slipped out. He heard rustling movement, and then the light went back on. Natsu grabbed his pants and yanked them up. Rei-chan pulled off the glove and tossed it into the trash. She removed the choker, and when she spoke, it was her own voice.

"You're feeling that guilty," she realized sadly.

"I want it to be him, not some toy. I know you're trying to help, but it's not the same. It's not him."

"Natsu-dear," she sighed. "I told you, only what you want from me. If you don't want to do that much, then we won't, simple as that."

"I can't pretend it's him anymore." Natsu's throat choked up. "I want it … to be him. My first. So much!"

"I know," she crooned, cradling his head. "Some fingers and a dildo doesn't make you no longer a virgin."

"I know, but I just can't."

"My poor dear. Maybe we really should end this training. You're suffering, and I don't want to see that. You've learned enough. Remember what I said, though. He should be just a little more jealous."

"I'll give it a try," Natsu sighed.

"If you ever need a release, or advice, or just to talk, you know where to find me."

"Thanks, but I don't think I can do physical stuff with you anymore, not without feeling bad."

She stroked his hair with tender understanding. "He's going to get quite a fiery lover. I wish the best for you, Natsu-dear." She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You can go finish off in my powder room if you need to."

He cringed and looked away with blushing guilt. "Kinda, yeah."

"It's fine. I'll be gone before you're done. Have fun at the beach. Remember, stay with him and help him. He obviously missed you, so show him you care."

He nodded, eyes still downcast, and left her room. Rei-chan watched him go and sighed.

"That Gray-dear is one lucky guy!"

**Next Chapter: "Beach Fantasies"**


	17. Beach Fantasies

_"… when pain is over, the remembrance of it often becomes a pleasure."_  
_― Jane Austen_

 

* * *

A week later, the group arrived at a beach resort in southern Fiore, where the sun was hot and the ocean was cool. Lucy stretched her arms above her head with satisfaction, and her bikini top looked ready to burst open as her chest popped out.

"Beaches are the best!" she exclaimed.

"We're here for a serious reason," Erza warned all of them, holding up a studious finger as she lectured them. "Gray is still in convalescence, and as his teammates, our duty is to bring him up to speed. Running on sand has been proven to be a good and rigorous exercise without much physical negativity, and swimming will help to strengthen his leg as well. Our focus _must_ be on helping Gray during his recovery."

Natsu laughed at her. "Then why do you have a floaty tube around you?" He pointed at the blowup seahorse that wrapped around the Titania's shapely waist.

"I must take charge in coaching him. The coach cannot tire out before the pupil," she insisted stubbornly, but she added with blunt honesty, "Plus, it was cute and on sale."

Gray smacked his hand to his forehead. " _She's_ my physical therapy coach?"

"Look!" Wendy pointed. Happy and Carla had drifted away from the group and discovered a cluster of rocks that made tide pools.

"There's a starfish," Carla pointed with her little white paw.

"Fiiiiiish," Happy drooled. "We could eat right here." He began to lean closer to the water, daydreaming of all the different types of fish they could taste.

Carla yanked him back. "Watch it, you dumb male cat! You'll fall into the rocks."

"There's a restaurant in our hotel that serves fresh sushi," Erza told them. "Happy, don't eat anything weird. Gray, prepare yourself. My training will not be easy, and I won't go light on you."

He groaned, already imagining how training under Erza would be like. "I thought you said the focus must be on me recovering, not half-killing me."

"I won't be that harsh today."

He rolled his eyes. "Only today?"

"I challenge you and Natsu to swim to that island." Erza pointed to a small island four hundred meters from the shore. "Natsu, you have to watch him."

"Why him?" Gray began to shout.

"I will," Natsu said seriously, his words covering over Gray's protest.

Gray turned sharply at the Dragon Slayer and gawked at him. Normally, Natsu would moan and whine, _"Why should I have to watch out for this stripping pervert?"_ Instead, he looked determined to help. It really was not like Natsu at all.

"Very well," Erza nodded. "Go!"

Natsu smirked over to Gray. "Beat you there."

"Like hell!"

They dived into the ocean at the same time. Gray swam as hard as he could, but he could see for himself, Natsu was not competing at full strength. The Dragon Slayer kept glancing back, and more than once Gray saw his eyes drop sadly. Then Natsu's pace would slow down until Gray almost, but not quite, caught up. He was not at all going all out like he normally would in a competition. Instead, Natsu was just there to make sure Gray could make it the full distance.

 _'Screw that!'_ Gray stroked harder, straining his shoulder muscles.

"Not your arms, idiot." Natsu slowed down again until he swam right beside Gray. "You need to use your legs more."

"Then I'd _never_ beat you," he sneered.

"Gray, I'm serious. Use your legs."

"I'm not gonna lose…"

Natsu stopped swimming, grabbed Gray in the water, and forcefully flipped him onto his back with a splash of sea water. As Gray looked up in shock at the blue sky, he saw a ruffle of white. Natsu yanked his scarf around Gray's body and used it to tie his arms to the side of his torso.

"What the hell?" Gray raged.

"No using your arms. Float and just use your legs."

"Untie me," Gray demanded, struggling against the knotted scarf. How was Natsu able to tie it so tightly?

"I won't release you until we reach the island. If you're gonna be stubborn and stupid and not train properly, then I'll use extreme methods. I'm serious, do this properly," Natsu demanded with a raised voice and determination in his face.

Gray quit fighting and glared at him. "Who the hell died and made you in charge?"

Natsu's eyes narrowed slightly. "You did, for about five minutes on that battlefield."

That silenced Gray's protests and sent a shiver through his muscles as memories of feeling his life slipping away now haunted him. Had his near-death experience really transformed Natsu this much? How had he not noticed? Then again, Natsu had changed in many ways since that day.

With a low growl, Gray began to kick with just his legs. Now he really felt the fatigue in his left leg.

"You're doing good."

"Shut up! Don't coach me, you idiot flame-brain."

Natsu smiled at that cantankerous attitude and remained by Gray's side. He saw fatigue after only a couple of minutes, but by then they were close enough to the island. He yanked free his scarf and tied it back around his head.

"Let's climb up and rest for a moment before heading back."

"Screw that," Gray snapped. "I don't need a rest after just that much."

"Gray, you're panting," Natsu pointed out.

"I'm _fine_!" Gray turned right around and began to swim back toward the shore.

Natsu sighed and followed him, but this time he stayed behind Gray, watching how he swam. He obviously favored the right leg. Sometimes it seemed like Gray realized he was doing that, and suddenly his left leg would give strong kicks, only to taper off again. Natsu realized he would have to warn Erza that swimming was not an effective training for Gray at this stage of his recovery.

They were almost near the coast when Gray screamed and suddenly sank under the waves. Natsu cried out to him and immediately dived down. In the watery blueness of the sea, Natsu saw Gray with one hand holding his left foot while the other strained to reach the surface. Natsu swam over, grabbed Gray around the waist, and yanked him back up to the air. Both gasped for breaths and wiped saltwater from their eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"Cramp in my foot," Gray hissed, still using one hand to hold his foot. "Crap! Hurts, hurts, hurts!"

"You're overdoing it." Natsu lifted him up and carried him in his arms.

Gray shouted in protest. "Hey! I got my leg back so you wouldn't have to do crap like this."

"Shut up, ice princess. If you try to swim with a foot cramp, you could drown."

Finally, they made it to the shallows, where Natsu managed to place his feet down and stand on the grainy seabed.

"Is he okay?" Erza yelled from the shore.

"Just a muscle cramp. I'll work it out." Natsu then saw something. "Happy! Don't eat that!"

Erza ran off to yank a sea urchin out of Happy's paws before he tried to bite into the poisonous creature. Natsu kept carrying Gray up the inclining shore.

"I can walk on the sand," Gray muttered in protest.

"Your foot hurts and the tendon is probably drawn up. You shouldn't put pressure on it. If you tear a tendon, that's worse than breaking a bone. Just shut up and try to take care of yourself. Healing you was hard enough."

"How was it hard? I just sat there. It wasn't hard at all."

"That's good," Natsu whispered with hollow eyes as he remembered those days of intense agony.

He took Gray up the beach and to a towel shaded by a massive umbrella. He laid Gray down, sat at his feet, and yanked up the bad foot.

"What the hell…?"

Natsu's thumbs dug in and began to kneed out the tendon that had tightened up.

"Massage is part of therapy, too," Natsu said, focused on the foot.

Gray leaned back with a soft moan. "Where the hell did you learn how to give massages?"

"From Rei-chan."

"Huh? Wait, the stripper?"

Natsu glared at him. "She's more than just a stripper."

"But she's not your girlfriend, right?"

"Not really," he shrugged laconically.

"So what's the deal with that arrangement? Is she married?"

"No!" Natsu shouted.

"I don't get how you two even hooked up. I mean, I heard that Loke took you to the strip club, but … did you two just meet and things clicked?"

"You … could say that," Natsu said cautiously. "Rei-chan…"

"What's with _chan_? You never use chan or kun or anything like that."

"It's her stage name. She's insistent on the chan. Anyway, she's not the person I love."

Gray's eyes widen. "She's not? But you're screwing her, right?"

"We're not having sex." He remembered what Rei-chan had told him about making Gray jealous. "She dances for me. She has a really sexy dance she does as she strips."

"She _strips_ for you?" Gray shouted in outrage.

"Well, duh! That's her job," Natsu pointed out. "I'm used to you just tossing your clothes off all the time, and it's annoying. How she does it, it's like an art form. Also, she's training me."

"Yeah," the ice wizard mumbled. "When I met her, she said something about being an _instructor_."

"Yep! She's teaching me how to be a really good kisser."

"Good … kisser?" Gray could hardly help but look at Natsu's lips.

"Well, I hadn't kissed many people, just Lisanna way back when we were kids, and Happy that one time by accident, and so she said she'd teach me to kiss like a pro."

"How does a pro kiss?"

Natsu gave him an arrogant smile. "Wanna find out?"

Gray drew back with a sneer. "Hell no!"

"She said I've learned to kiss _really_ good," Natsu bragged with a devious chuckle. "I can give kisses that make even a professional like her weak in the knees. I bet an amateur like you would melt like ice cream in summer." He puckered up and began to lean in while making a kissy " _mmmwa_ " sound.

Gray shoved him back. "Stop screwing around, asshole!"

Natsu just laughed. He knew he would get rejected, but Rei-chan had taught him that small teases like that, even if met with rejection, would make the person think even more about it.

"So you two … you don't do anything but kiss?" Gray asked, feeling utterly uncomfortable as his mind refused to stop wandering. What was the difference between how normal town girls kissed and how a professional in the ways of love kissed?

Natsu blushed awkwardly. "Okay, maybe more than just kissing."

"Like … what? Making out? Touching? Has she touched you … down there?"

Natsu blushed and looked away.

Gray gulped hard. "Has she … y'know … sucked you off?"

"I don't like talking about it, okay?" he snapped.

Now he really did feel guilty. It had never meant anything serious, but they had still done things in order to teach Natsu. The only way to know how to do a blow job was to first know what it felt like. It had felt incredible, too. He had laid back with his eyes closed and spent the whole time imagining it was Gray. After feeling what it was like and a session with Rei-chan studiously explaining each oral technique while Natsu practiced on a rubber phallus, Natsu wanted to do something like that. He wanted to make Gray feel that good, taste him, get him to moan and scream his name; however, as he looked at the man in front of him, Natsu knew that wish was not going to happen right away.

After an awkward silence, Gray averted his eyes. He could not imagine it, but his brain rebelliously still tried. It came up with conceptual images of how Natsu must look, naked with someone sucking on him, his haunches taut as he used his hips to give small thrusts, how those hot hands would run through the person's hair, probably pulling recklessly, likely getting forceful as he built up, more and more, until…

_'Stop it!'_

Why was he even trying to imagine how Natsu must look while receiving a blow job? He shook his head firmly.

"So why a strip club?" he asked to steer away from his perverted imagination.

Natsu held his hands up in innocence. "It was totally all Loke's idea."

"Why would he take you there? I heard you had some kind of a breakup, but I didn't think you were dating anyone. Hell, I didn't think you realized the differences between boys and girls."

"Of course I do, idiot," he snapped. "How often you show off your _thingy_ and Lucy shows off her boobs, it's a little _obvious_."

"Point," Gray had to concede. "So this girl who broke up with you, was that why you were drowning yourself in booze for so long?"

Natsu rubbed over Gray's foot arch and focused hazily on his toes. "Something like that." Gray had such long toes. Natsu wanted to play with them, suck on them, reverently kiss them…

"She must mean a lot to you."

Natsu's green eyes turned up and stared hard at Gray. "Everything in the world," he whispered ardently.

Gray watched, but those narrow eyes seemed to pierce right into him like the claws of a dragon. Gray gulped hard. His heart was racing, and he had no idea why. They were talking about Natsu's girlfriends, after all. Or _not_ -girlfriends. Hell if he knew what to consider them!

Although, for a moment a while back, Gray once wondered if Natsu's lost sweetheart was maybe himself.

That was ridiculous!

Still…

"You obviously still love her," Gray said suspiciously. "So why are you with that dancer girl?"

"I told you, she's teaching me how to kiss."

"Shouldn't you learn how to do that with someone you actually love?"

"Not if I want to figure out how to kiss before I kiss that person so I can give a really amazing first kiss."

"Then practice with someone you know, not some random prostitute!" Gray scolded in anger.

"Like who?" Natsu snapped. "Lucy wouldn't kiss me. Do you think Erza would? Or Mira? Would _you_?" he shouted, but he looked just a little pained as he said it.

_'Would you? Please? Please, Gray. I want it to be you!'_

Gray hesitated when Natsu said that. His gaze looked too intense, so Gray forced his eyes away. "I just don't see how you can be with her if you're in love with someone else."

"That person doesn't love me back," Natsu whispered sadly, disappointed that Gray would not even look at him now. "What else should I do? Be like Juvia? Act like a stalker?"

"At least she's honest about her feelings. You're … unreadable!" He felt angry and was not even sure why. Natsu always pissed him off, but for some reason, this was worse. "Does this girl even know you like her? You said she turned you down. Did you confess outright, or were you totally vague about it? You realize, if you don't tell a person directly, sometimes they just can't figure it out!"

_'I can't figure you out, Natsu. Is it me? Is it really a girl? Why the hell are you staring at me with those sad eyes? If it's me, tell me directly. I can turn you down, we can get it over this, and maybe we both can move past such an awkward, unknowing, confusing predicament.'_

Natsu sadly shook his head. "It's not that simple."

"Sure it is! You go up to a person and say 'I like you, will you go out with me?' Easy!"

"The person I like told me their feelings before I could confess," Natsu muttered. "I know where I stand, and it's as a brother, not as a lover. I'm fine with that," he said passively. "If I got forceful, it might destroy everything. If I can just be close, that's enough. In the meantime, I can learn from Rei-chan. The next time I fall in love, maybe I can do things right."

"Next time?" Gray shouted. "Have you given up? That's not like you."

"You can't force a person to like you," Natsu shrugged. "Igneel taught me that back when I was just a kid."

"You could still … try!"

Natsu tilted his head. "That sure isn't working for Juvia. What makes you think it'd work for me?"

"You're just giving up! Plus now you're off with some other stripper."

"Other stripper?" Natsu realized Gray had said that before. _'You couldn't stay with this stripper, so you had to run back to your other stripper.'_ Could it really be that Gray was jealous?

Gray did not seem to notice what he had said. "What if the person you like ends up liking you back? What if that person finds out you're with a strip dancer and getting blow jobs from her, and that gets them mad? Don't you think this is too reckless? It could really upset a person, knowing the one they care about is hiring a whore."

"For the last time, Rei-chan is _not_ a whore," Natsu yelled.

"Do you pay her?"

"It depends. If she's teaching me…"

"When she sucks you off, do you pay for it?"

"What?" he shouted, feeling stabbed by the accusation in Gray's tone.

"If you pay a lady to give you a blow job, that's prostitution."

"No!"

"She may give it a fancy name like _sex therapy_ , but all you're doing is handing her Jewels so she'll handle your family jewels."

"It's not like that at all," Natsu screamed furiously. "I'm not … s-she's not…"

Natsu let go of Gray's foot and suddenly grabbed his chest in pain. He bent over, struggling to breathe. A burning pressure spread from his heart, up his shoulder and neck, down his arm, and tingled in his face.

"Natsu?" Gray asked quietly. "Hey! What's happening?"

Erza looked over and saw Natsu clutching his chest. She raced away from Lucy and Wendy and skidded down beside him. "Natsu!" she shouted urgently.

"I'm fine," he rasped out.

She glared at the ice wizard. "Gray, you're supposed to be training, not arguing. Your punishment is to jog to the lighthouse and back."

"What'd I do?" he shouted.

"You're slacking off. Now go!"

He growled, but he did not dare argue with Erza. He obediently got up and began to jog away.

"Natsu?" Erza asked quietly. "Do you need a doctor?"

"No. It just fluttered weird." He rubbed out his chest and up to his shoulder, following a line of pain that was beginning to recede.

"I'm seriously worried about your heart."

"I'll be fine," he said stubbornly. "I just got riled up."

"Because of what Gray was saying?" She pouted with slight embarrassment. "Sorry, but we could hear everything you two were talking about."

Natsu turned away with a blush. "Is it bad of me?"

"No one can judge you but yourself, Natsu."

"I just … I wanted to know. About kissing and … and stuff. I wanted to be ready in case … in case I could … be with the person I like," he whispered, feeling awkward to talk about this with Erza of all people.

"Your reasons aren't unique. However, if you're questioning your morals, perhaps you need to rethink things."

"I am already," he muttered, and his gaze drifted to where Gray was jogging over the sand. "I just hope it isn't too late."

She patted his shoulder. "Stay in the shade and rest."

"I'm fine!" he snapped.

"I really will send you home and make you go see Porlyusica if you grab your chest in pain again."

Natsu cringed, not particularly wanting to see the ancient healer who always complained about his smell.

"I told you, I'm worried about your heart. It _stopped_ , Natsu. You could have died. You need to recover, just as much as Gray does, but your recovery means not overdoing things or getting riled up until your heart races. Rest, okay? I'll take charge of Gray's therapy and training."

Natsu sighed and leaned back under the shady umbrella while Erza went away to shout at Gray about slacking off on his running. Natsu decided that if he was going to sit around anyway, he should at least eat. He searched the picnic basket and pulled out a bottled drink, a sandwich, and a banana. He devoured the sandwich in no time, washed it down with the sweet drink, and then worked on the banana.

Down the beach a ways, Gray had to rest after the run and rub out his legs, using a bit of ice on his hands to cool off the aching muscles. Regaining the strength he once had would take a long time. He wiped away some sweat and looked around for the picnic basket, thinking a drink would be good.

He saw Natsu sitting on the beach towel, staring off at the waves, with a banana in his mouth.

_"She said I've learned to kiss really good. I can give kisses that make even a professional like her weak in the knees. I bet an amateur like you would melt like ice cream in summer."_

How good did Natsu kiss? What else had that lady taught him?

Gray's eyes narrowed. Natsu had admitted that this went beyond just kissing. Just how much did she teach him? How good was he? Gray did not have a reputation like Loke, but he had to admit, he could please the ladies when he wanted to. If Natsu got better than him … if Natsu ended up more popular … if Natsu set the hearts of all the ladies in Magnolia aflame…

Damn, they would _never_ hear the end of his bragging!

Yet as Gray watched Natsu's lips wrap around the banana, it was a different type of _kissing_ that flitted across his mind. If the lady had given Natsu professional-quality blow jobs, could it be he knew how to give back?

"Ridiculous!" Gray sneered. "How could he learn that with a woman?"

And why was he even curious about that sort of thing?

He forcefully pulled his gaze away from the Dragon Slayer. Forget the cold drink! He would cool off with another swim. He leaped into the waves, but in mid-flight his swimming trunks somehow flew off.

"Gray! Your clothes again!" Lucy shouted, but Gray splashed into the sea and began to swim off. "Sheesh, how does he even _do_ this?"

Wendy went over to pick up the trunks before they washed away. She did not want to leave them on the shore where they could get swept off by a wave, so carefully holding them with two fingers and away from her body—they were boy's swimming trunks, after all—she brought the swimsuit over to Natsu.

"Make sure Gray puts this back on."

"Sure," he nodded, and he grabbed the trunks, which Wendy was glad to release, wiping her hand on her swimsuit. Natsu had to chuckle. Wendy still sometimes acted like boys had cooties.

Natsu held the swim trunks, but he paused. He looked to Erza and Lucy, who seemed to be busy watching creatures in the tide pools. Wendy had her back to him as she walked to where Happy and Carla were building sandcastles. Gray was swimming out to sea. No one else was around. Quickly, Natsu brought the trunks up to his nose and sniffed them.

Gray's smell was strong, with all the sweating from his workout. Also, it was not just sweat. There was a rank muskiness to the shorts. Natsu's eyes fluttered closed, and his heart began to race.

He imagined that smell strong against his face, and a taste like this smell in his mouth. Like with the banana, Gray would fill his mouth. He would taste what this smell was like, taste Gray, suck on him, licking with his tongue and stroking him with his lips.

He imagined this happening in the beach showers, a low wall that just barely covered them, opened at the bottom for the water to drain out. If someone walked by, they would see Gray's flushed face, and if they really looked, they would see knees on the ground in front of Gray. He imagined the timid sounds Gray would make, embarrassed that someone might see them, ashamed every time a soft moan slipped out, his hips tensing, wishing Natsu would hurry, but Natsu would take his time, torturing the ice wizard for making him suffer with these desires for so long. Gray would love it, and hate it, and be angry, and be completely overwhelmed with lust. He would…

"Idiot! What are you dreaming about?"

Natsu jolted. He had collapsed backwards at some point, the trunks dropped to his side, and fell asleep. He did not remember when that even happened. His chest was hurting, though. Had the trouble with his heart caused him to pass out? Maybe he really should see a doctor.

"Sheesh," Gray scoffed, looking away with a blush. "I guess you're a teenager after all."

"Huh?" Natsu sleepily raised to his elbows, only to feel the stiffness in his swimming trunks. Looking down, he had an arousal tenting straight up. "Ack!" He covered his groin in shame.

"It's fine. It happens," Gray mumbled. He grabbed up his swimming trunks and pulled them back on. "You were probably thinking about that girl you really like, since we were talking about her."

"Y-yeah, something like that," Natsu muttered.

"Or was it your stripper girlfriend?"

"It wasn't her!" he snapped. "I've never had dreams like that about Rei-chan. And how many times do I have to tell you, she's not my girlfriend."

"She's your whore."

"I really will punch you!" Natsu shouted. "She's … an instructor."

"In sex."

"In kissing!"

"She's giving you blow jobs."

"So? Jealous?" Natsu shouted. He realized too late, maybe he should not have said that. Rei-chan said that he should try to make Gray jealous, and confronting him about it like this might backfire.

"Hey, I've had some great blow jobs in the past. It's nothing to be jealous about."

Natsu cringed away. Of course, Gray was still more experienced than him.

"Oh yeah? Well, maybe I should tell her to go ahead and have sex with me, just to be equal with you," Natsu snapped, really mad now. "She's been wanting it for a while now. I almost feel bad for telling her no all the time."

Gray looked enraged. "Don't do something like that just out of competition, you idiot!"

"Why not?"

Gray choked as he tried to think of an excuse.

"What was your reason for your first time getting laid? I remember when it happened. Hell, you bragged about it to the whole guild. You kept telling me, 'Beat you to it.' That's competition, right there!"

"I didn't sleep with her just to beat you, though. She was a girlfriend, we had been dating for a few months, it was something we both wanted. _That's_ a good reason for sex."

"And the girls up north? Those two ladies at the party? What reason did you have with them, huh?"

"Are you _still_ on about that?" Gray screamed.

"Are you afraid I'll be a better lover than you?"

"Not a chance!"

Natsu stood up and glared into Gray's face. In seething anger, he whispered, "Then maybe I should go ahead and let her." He turned sharply and stomped away.

"Hey!" Gray yelled. "The girls left to go shopping. Happy went with them. We're supposed to put the picnic away."

"You're the one training. You do it!" Natsu shouted back. "Asshole," he added, just loud enough for Gray to hear.

Natsu's eyes were burning. Why did this trip turn out like this? Why had he said those things? Of course he didn't want sex with Rei-chan! Mating was supposed to be with a mate, and Rei-chan … she wasn't even a girlfriend! He just wanted Gray to get angry. He wanted to get back at him.

And he was sad that his fantasies were even farther from coming true than before.

He took off running and made it back to the hotel. He stripped out of his clothes and jumped into the shower, pretending the water dripping down his face was all from the shower head and not from his eyes.

"Idiot," he sobbed. "It's _you_ I want. Idiot!"

He was still half erect from the erotic dream. That was all it would ever be: dreams and fantasies. Natsu almost wondered if maybe Gray would have fallen for him if he had never gotten healed. More than anything, he had wanted to give Gray his legs back, but now he wondered if it was at the cost of any chance at a future with Gray by his side.

"Idiot," he whispered.

He was the real idiot. He wanted Gray to get mad, and maybe if he got mad enough, he would shout something. 'Don't have sex with her, because I want to be your first.' Confessions like that only happened in really bad shoujo manga. Or maybe he should say, yaoi manga. He had never read one of _those_ sorts before, though.

Natsu closed his eyes and reached down. He could still imagine the smell of those swimming trunks and the dream brought about by the aroma. Now he imagined that it was Gray sucking on him. He turned the water a little colder and hummed at the tingle. Gray's skin was so cold. Like with the foot rub, he never truly felt warm.

Would his mouth be hot? Somehow, Natsu thought it would be. Cold hands, but a hot tongue.

"Mmmnh, feels … good," he moaned deeply. "Gray. I wanna feel that mouth of yours on me. I wanna feel you taste me."

His wrist set up a rapid rhythm. He had to make this quick before Gray arrived. Luckily, the ice wizard still walked slowly. He had a few minutes.

"Gray," he whispered. "Idiot. Why can't you realize that it's you whom I like? How dense can you be? Or do you know and you just don't want me? I want you, though. I want you so much! I want your mouth, your hands, your ass. _Nngh!_ All of you. I wanna claim all of you. Want you … so … _unnngh_ … so much!"

* * *

Gray trudged through the hotel halls in annoyance. Half a year ago, carrying a basket, towel, and umbrella from the beach to the hotel would have been no problem. Now, his legs were aching, and his arms were losing grip as he kept almost falling to the side, his balance off because of the difference in gaits between his right foot and his left.

He kept muttering under his breath, "Stupid flame-brain. Damn idiotic horny dragon. Stupid ash-for-brains pervert."

He entered the hotel room ready to shout for Natsu to help him put things away, but a sound instantly silenced him.

"Ohh … nngh."

Gray dropped the supplies in shock and stared at the bathroom door, where he heard the shower running. "What … the…?"

"Ahh … mmmnnnh, ugh!"

His face began to turn red. "Is Natsu … doing that?"

Of course he was, and considering how erect he had been on the beach while asleep, it should not be a surprise. Gray knew the right thing to do was turn right around and step out for five minutes. Instead, he tiptoed over to the closed bathroom door. As he got closer, he heard the sound of slapping flesh.

"Oh God … oh _God!_ " Natsu's moans got louder and hotter. His breath came out uncontrollably, spilling out words and whimpers. "Good. So good. Like that."

Gray gulped thickly. This was the first time he had heard Natsu masturbate. Maybe it was the first time he _ever_ heard another man doing this. It was normal for guys, he knew that. Heaven knows how often he jerked off in the shower! Still, he stood by the door, enthralled to listen in, feeling a familiar tingle in his own groin.

The slapping sound suddenly stopped. Gray jolted, and his heart throbbed so hard in his chest, it felt like it might break his ribs. Natsu's sense of smell was second to none. Did he smell Gray out here? However, after some weary panting, the _schlick schlick schlick_ sound started again.

"I … I … _nnnngh_ … I … can't," he groaned. "Guh- … aaaaah … -ray!"

Rei? Was it Rei-chan he fantasized about, after saying he did not think that way about her? Was it just a random grunting moan? He tried to listen closer, but he never heard Natsu say a specific name.

"Mmmmnngh, more … ah … ahhh!"

Was it that other girl? Was it even a girl? Maybe it wasn't even a fantasy, and he was just vocal when he jerked off.

"Oh gaaaaawd, that's so good!"

Very vocal! Gray shuddered at how hot Natsu sounded.

' _No! He doesn't sound hot. He's annoying and noisy and perverted.'_

"Ugh … hah-hah … I'm … ooooooh!"

Gray reached down to find himself aroused, and the hardening length began to pulse to the tempo he heard. _'Don't harden, no!'_

The touch of his hand sent a pleasurable rippling through him. Although the swimming trunks were dry, he felt a tiny bit of moisture seeping through right on the tip of his arousal. Gray closed his eyes tightly and stroked himself, his face flushed in shame as he covered his mouth with the back of his clenched hand to not let any moans escape.

"Oh, so good!" Natsu shuddered sensually. "Fu- … ugh! Unnh!"

Gray reached down inside of his trunks and felt the arousal with his bare hand. His teeth gritted as he stroked down hard. The rosy tip of his cockhead peeked out through his fingers, leaking as the foreskin slid back.

"Oh … mmmmmnh, shit!"

Gray's mind blanked out. Right or wrong, he didn't care! He leaned against the door and pumped himself into his hand as he listened to the heavy breaths and the raining shower water. It felt so perverted, using his teammate's moans to get off. If Lucy, Wendy, or Erza came back from shopping just then…

"Almost … almost…"

Part of him liked that nervous thrill. He had always privately liked the idea of someone else possibly watching, just a little of the exhibitionist kink that Natsu so often accused him of having. Doing this here, with Natsu on the other side of the door, and standing right there in the hotel room where someone entering would see him right away … it was erotically dangerous.

"Ah … nnngh … gaaaah!"

"Natsu," Gray whispered. "Noisy bastard."

Gray's breath deepened and started to feel hotter as Natsu's echoing moans filled his ears. The wetness of pre-cum slicked down his shaft. He could imagine hot, rough hands on him…

Suddenly, he realized that Natsu's moans had stopped. Gray panicked and raced away from the door. He ran to a sink to wash his messy hand, but then he realized the moisture on his swimming trunks was a much bigger—and highly noticeable—darkening spot streaking the fabric.

"Crap, no," he cringed. Natsu would smell arousal like that. Gray had seen the pervert smell sexy scents on lady's panties before, so he would definitely smell pre-cum. He yanked his trunks off, wiped himself dry, shoved them into the bottom of his suitcase, and pulled a navy blue hotel robe around himself.

Two minutes later, Natsu came out of the bathroom toweling his hair. When he saw Gray sitting in the main room, he froze in horror.

Gray tried to look over nonchalantly, but a gulp caught in his throat at the image before him; Natsu's lanky pink hair dripped on his shoulders, beads of water still spangled his toned chest, and his lower body was wrapped in only a small towel being held lightly by one hand. Gray did not really want to, but he could not help but have his eyes drift down to the limp bulge hidden by that towel.

"How long have you been here?" Natsu asked, trying to appear cool to hide the nervousness inside.

Gray looked away, showing a bored and frowning face to cover his own emotions. "Not long. Just got here. It got pretty lame outside so I decided to come back." His eyes shifted back over to Natsu. "And you? It's surprising to see you taking a shower. You tend to forget that sort of thing."

"I had sea water all over me."

"Yeah, I still need one. So, how long have you been in there?"

Natsu looked away, brow furrowed, and shrugged his shoulders. "Just a quick one. I really needed it."

There was an unusual tension in the air. Neither one was talking—or fighting! There was none of the usual name-calling, while each panicked in his own mind.

 _'SHIT!'_ Natsu cried out in his head. _'I didn't expect him to be here! Calm down. Hopefully, he didn't hear anything since he just arrived. Damn, why did he have to surprise me like that? Just hold it together.'_

 _'Damn!'_ Gray sneered, holding back his physical discomfort. _'I'm still hard. Thank God the robe is loose. If he notices, he'll know I've been eavesdropping. How embarrassing would that be! I need to get out of here, but I told him I just arrived. Gotta get away. Damn, my cock hurts!'_

"Well?" Gray suddenly snapped, which made Natsu jump out of his panicking mind. "Are you going to stand there all night? Go wear something! It's an eyesore to see you half naked."

Natsu shouted back, "Oh yeah? Well, you strip all the time, you bastard! That's what I feel like telling you every time you take off your pants! At least, I'm concealing mine!" he shouted, pointing to his crotch.

Okay, he had a good point there.

Natsu did not even wait for a counterattack. He walked to the closet to look for his clothes. He let his towel fall and finished scrubbing the head towel through his hair. Gray stared at the toned back and how perfect Natsu's butt looked, freshly clean and gleaming, taut with muscles but pale since that part of his body was always covered.

"Man, the girls totally took over the closet," Natsu whispered under his breath. "Why do girls even need to wear so many clothes? Damn, where did they put mine? Did they leave them in the suitcase?" He bent over to search for something to wear.

Gray felt another shivering pulse from his cock down to his toes at seeing Natsu's ass sticking out, and he remembered those hot moans. If—and this was a very big "IF," he told himself, but just for the sake of assumption— _if_ Natsu was gay, and _if_ it was Gray who he actually liked, would Gray want to touch that ass? Or would he want Natsu's hot hands to touch him? How would Natsu react if Gray slipped a little of his ice right up that firm, hot ass? How loud would he moan then?

_'Oh my God, why am I even thinking about that? He's a guy, and my teammate, and … and he's NATSU! And I'm not gay. I've never thought about guys that way. Why the hell am I even imagining it?'_

He quickly walked to the bathroom and loudly declared, "I'm taking a shower."

Natsu, busy lazily searching for his pants, muttered, "Why do I care, idiot?"

The bathroom door slammed, and Natsu glanced at it with caution. When finally he heard the shower turn on, he collapsed to the ground and covered his flushed face.

"Don't think about him. Don't! Dammit, it should be out of my system now. Don't think about him being in there. You can't jump in there with him. You can't give the excuse we had as kids, that you're just going to scrub his back. Just don't!"

Weary and emotionally pummeled, Natsu's whole body collapsed sideways and landed on top of Gray's suitcase.

"I've gotta stop this. He doesn't want me, and I just have to accept that. Dammit," he muttered in frustration.

Suddenly, Natsu sniffed. His nose pressed toward Gray's suitcase and inhaled again. He was about to yank it open to find that strange and incredibly delicious aroma, but he stopped his hands in midair.

"No! Stop it! You can't just go prying into his stuff. But seriously, what did he pack in there?" Natsu brought his face to the suitcase and breathed in slowly, deeply, savoring the scent. "Whatever it is, it smells seriously good."

* * *

If a person could rampage in a shower, Gray was doing precisely that. He felt horny, but knowing _why_ he felt this way just made him angry. It was _Natsu_ of all people!

_'Shit, shit, shit! What am I thinking? I am totally not interested in guys! I shouldn't feel this way just because that damned flaming idiot was jerking off. It's wrong! Dammit!'_

He cranked the water as hot as he could stand it. If for normal people, taking cold showers eased their arousal, for Gray Fullbuster the opposite was true, and the searing pain of a scalding shower burned away any pleasure his body might think it wanted to feel. He stood as the hot water steamed and made his skin redden like a lobster.

_'Just as I'm getting over being injured, and now I'm sick in the head! Maybe that's all it is. It's fatigue and too much sun. Or maybe Erza hit me on the head too hard and knocked something loose in there. Or maybe I just need a night with a girl. Yeah, that must be it. I need to find myself a girlfriend when we get back to Magnolia. Maybe I'll call that waitress. I haven't had a good romp since that therapeutic spa trip back in January, and those two girls didn't even get me off. That's got to be it. Months unable to jerk off, then more months only able to on my own and with pain. Now that I'm better, my libido is freaking out and wants to fuck anything with a hole. I'm just desperate, so desperate I'd fantasize about absolutely anything. Hell, if I'm not careful, I might make a big mistake and fantasize about Erza, and then my throat would be slit in the middle of the night. Just crazy hormones and desperate for a fuck. That's gotta be it. That's all this is. Why else would an idiot like Natsu make me feel … so … hot?'_

He told himself this, but the hot water was not doing its job like it normally did. He was still erect, and as he gazed down, he remembered the sight of seeing Natsu eating a banana. Just how hot was that fiery mouth?

_'No! Stop it! That's sick.'_

Still, his hand went down.

_'Think of someone else. Anyone else. Think about Lucy. I bet an heiress like her has delicate hands. Or Juvia. Yeah, she's annoying, but I bet she's really moist. Mmmm, yeah, and she would love to suck me off, with those big eyes of hers gazing up and asking if it's okay.'_

He stroked himself while thinking about Juvia's face.

_'Shit, I have seriously never jerked off to thinking about Juvia, but … well, she's kind of cute when she's not annoyingly obsessive … which is most of the time, but when she's serious, she's really hot. Maybe I should … no! If you sleep with a member of Fairy Tail, it has to be out of love, not just because you know they'd be willing. Otherwise, that's just crappy. Although … Cana's propositioned me to "scratch her itch" many times. She just wants meaningless sex, and if we both agree that's all it is … no, that's still shitty. But there's that pretty girl in Blue Pegasus. Hell, lots of pretty girls in Blue Pegasus!'_

He tried to imagine women moaning, sucking him, their hands on him, their breasts bouncing … but slowly it all dissolved into Natsu. His moans had sounded so deep and strong, like they rumbled up from his soul. He knew the strength in those hands, and their heat, and that mouth … with how often flames shot through that mouth, would it be soft? Moist? Hot? So hot!

_'Stop … stop thinking about him!'_

Gray couldn't, though. He kept trying to picture a girl instead, but the hair always went back to pink. He tried to imagine another pink-haired girl: Meredy, Virgo, Aries … okay, sheep-girls were too weird. Maybe the girl who was all over Lyon years ago. Sherry? She was rather good-looking. She was engaged now, though. Fantasizing about someone's future bride was really crappy. Chelia was way too young. Meredy, though. Meredy grew to become quite a lady. Gray had wanted to tell her so the last time he saw her, but he was a hundred percent positive that Ultear would have skewered him. Still, it was harmless to use her as a fantasy while fapping. Those pretty eyes, that cute smile, the wavy pink hair…

It was no use. The narrow, fierce eyes were suddenly in his mind, glaring with a deviousness to them, as if Natsu knew precisely how he had wormed his way into Gray's mind.

"Dammit," he hissed as his body drew up and his hand went faster. His teeth clenched. The tingle in his scrotum buzzed like he was going to die of electrical shock, or fry to death in scalding flames.

Then those ardent words returned.

_"She must mean a lot to you."_

_"Everything in the world."_

Natsu had stared so piercingly at Gray as he said those words.

If it was him…

If Natsu wanted him…

That hot mouth, strong hands, those moans, that predatory gaze…

"No!"

Gray felt himself race right past the point of no return. Even if he stopped now…

Oh hell no, he wasn't going to stop! He no longer cared if it was that stupid Dragon Slayer's face. His wrist kept going in a blur as his mouth dropped open in heavy, sensual gasping.

He needed it. He _wanted_ it. Even if it was Natsu haunting his fantasy, he could no longer stop.

For just a few seconds, he let the fantasy blossom. Suddenly, it was like Natsu was there, in the shower with him, on his knees, his mouth sucking Gray's cock, those same moans echoing as Natsu let the arousal pound the back of his throat. Those hot hands were all over him, grabbing, clawing, _claiming!_ Then those predatory eyes gazed up, and it was not Natsu kneeling submissively and being forced to take a dick into his mouth. It was a hungry animal, carnivorous and devious, starving for his prey, and Gray was about to feed him.

Gray covered his agape mouth just as the first powerful wave pulsed through him.

So good! Who cared how or who or why when it felt so damn good!

A second pulse, and his shoulders hunched forward, quivering as it felt like his soul would gush out of his body. Only the hand gagging his mouth held back a sharp moaning cry of intense pleasure.

A final pulse, shivering and burning and tingling. The world went silent, muffled by the rush of blood in his ears. There was only this feeling, this tingle, like a spark was jolting straight back from his balls to his prostate. Then all sank into warmth.

_"Gray…"_

Why would he hear that gentle voice at a time like this? Why those narrow green eyes?

_"I will do anything—anything—to help you."_

A tear dripped out. Why was it Natsu?

That erotic dream months ago returned to mind.

_"I'm going to make you fall in love with me."_

_"You could banish me if you really wanted to. But … I don't think you want me to go, not really. I think you already like it."_

"No," Gray seethed. "Like hell I'd let this get to me. Stupid dreams. Stupid idiot."

He heard in his mind Natsu's timid voice. _"It'd definitely be … strange, right?"_

Gray's fists clenched and shuddered. "It'd be strange … weird … wrong."

He told himself that, but as he looked down, he saw the stringy white splatters of semen swirling around the drain. Gray closed his eyes and let his head conk against the shower wall as the truth disturbed him to his core:

He had fantasized about Natsu while masturbating.

"… Fuck …"

**Next Chapter: "Feel Nothing"**


	18. Feel Nothing

_"How nice – to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive."_  
_― Kurt Vonnegut_

 

* * *

"Hey, over here!"

Natsu shouted as the guild played a game of volleyball by the swimming pool behind the main building. He jumped up and down, but taller players easily hit the ball. Just as Natsu thought the ball would come to him, Elfman pounded it back over to the other side.

"That was my hit!" the Dragon Slayer raged.

"Stealing hits is manly."

"It is not, you asshole! We're on the same team."

Gray sat to the side with Lucy, Levy, and Juvia.

"I can never play volleyball with everyone else," Levy sighed. "Gajeel, Laxus, Elfman: they're all too tall."

"Juvia can't play either," the rain woman lamented. "Everyone says Juvia makes the ball wet." She clung to Gray's arm. "But that means Juvia can stay with Gray-sama."

He rolled his eyes at her clingy attitude. "I'm only side-lined because I pulled a muscle in my leg yesterday."

"You overdid it again," Lucy scolded.

"How else am I going to get better?" he snapped. "I have to push myself. I need to get stronger. Being this weak is annoying, especially when everyone else is _still_ having fun without me."

Juvia rubbed her cheek on his bare arm. "Gray-sama and Juvia can have fun together _anytime_!"

Gray tried to pull away from her with an annoyed grimace.

"Hey, I'm clear over here," Natsu shouted. "Erza, pass it to me! To me!"

Gray glared and grumbled, "That idiot. Isn't he rather short to be playing on Gajeel and Elfman's team?"

"Erza is holding her own well," Lucy admired.

"Maybe we should start our own game with Wendy, Romeo, Lisanna, and Kinana," Levy suggested. "The short-people league!"

"Freed, you bastard!" Natsu raged. "I was going to hit the ball."

"It was served by Laxus, which means it _must_ have been meant for me," Freed said haughtily, "because anything from Laxus is meant for me."

"Weirdo!"

Erza shouted out, "Natsu, head's up. This one is all yours."

"Yosh!" he snickered. "All right, Erza. I'm gonna smack this ball out of the park, just you watch."

He eyed the oncoming ball, ran forward a little, and then leaped up to spike it over the net. As soon as he jumped into the air, something changed in Natsu's face. He looked stunned, then pained, and the ball soared right past him.

"Idiot," Gray muttered. "All that fuss for a miss."

Lucy sat up and put her sunglasses to the side. "No, something is wrong with him."

Erza raced forward and ran under the net. "Natsu? _Natsu!_ "

The Dragon Slayer laid on the ground, his eyes massive, one hand pressed against his chest. His face was quickly turning pale.

"Wendy!" screamed Erza.

Gray leaped up, but people were trying to push the rest of the players back to make room for Wendy. For a moment, Natsu was completely encircled and Gray could not see what was happening.

"Did he just collapse?" Levy asked worriedly.

"He's been weak for a while now," Lucy whispered. "He won't tell me why, but I've noticed that Erza is really worried about him."

Erza shouted out again, "We need a stretcher."

Gray ran forward at that. "Ice-Make: Stretcher!" He brought the icy cot forward. That was his ticket to getting into the center of the crowd and seeing Natsu for himself.

Natsu laid on his side, weakly clutching the left side of his chest. His breathing was ragged, and his skin had sallowed even more, looking deathly pale. As Freed and Max lifted Natsu to place him on the icy stretcher, the Dragon Slayer did not even give one of his normal complaints about the cold.

"He needs a hospital," Erza said. "Jet, we need you to run. Who's the next fastest?"

"I can make wheels," Gray offered. "That way I can travel as fast as Jet can, if you don't mind pulling me along."

"It'd slow me down a little," Jet admitted, "but it's still the fastest way."

"Hurry then!"

"Ice-Make: Skateboard," Gray shouted, and he leaped up on the ice board. He took one side of the stretcher, Jet took the other, and then the racer bolted off, pulling along Natsu while Gray's skateboard flung off bits of ice with the magically rapid speed.

Laxus finally came forward and stared down hard at Erza. "All right, what the hell just happened? That idiot never collapses like that."

Erza glared up at him, but despite his gruff tone, she saw genuine worry in Laxus' scar-slashed eyes. Then she realized everyone else looked on in concern. They had seen enough: Natsu collapsing while grasping his chest. Something like that would worry anyone. She looked down to Happy.

"What does Natsu want to do about this leaking out?" she whispered to him.

Happy pouted fretfully. "He still doesn't want people to know."

She nodded, figuring it was for the best. If they told others, someone might let it slip to Gray, and neither one of them wanted Gray to feel guilty about how he got his leg better. "Then we respect those wishes."

"He's not dying, is he?" Lisanna asked in fear.

Erza looked over to her with sadness. "Hopefully not."

* * *

As Natsu began to regain consciousness, he thought maybe Igneel was licking his head, like he used to do when Natsu was sick as a child. However, the thing stroking through his hair was not wet, nor was there the comforting warmth of Igneel's breath. It was dry, cold, and threaded through the strands of hair. Was it a hand?

As the darkness faded, his hearing returned. It was still muffled, but slowly the words gained clarity.

"… really are … leaping like … collapse … you really worry me sometimes."

Gray? Natsu still could not move. His could not feel his limbs, and his face felt disconnected from his brain. He could not yet open his eyes or mouth.

"You're hiding something, bastard," Gray muttered. "You keep falling asleep, but you don't look tired. It's like you're passing out. You grabbed your chest on the beach, and now again. I swear, if you die young from a heart attack because of all that junk food you eat, I'll kill you."

The hand stroked slowly through his hair.

"I'm serious," Gray said sadly. "Don't you dare die! How am I supposed to get stronger if you're not there to push me? What would even be the point of getting my leg back if you're not around so I can kick your ass? And … and…"

Natsu felt something fuzzy on his arm. Hair? Was Gray resting his head on Natsu's arm?

"You're messing me up, bastard," Gray growled softly. "Those dreams…"

Dreams? Was Gray dreaming about him? That was surprising!

"I don't get it. Why you? You're an idiot, and you're not cute at all."

Natsu wished he could punch Gray for that, but his body was still a tingling, indistinguishable, misty shape somewhere outside this prison of his mind.

"Still … somehow…"

The fuzziness lifted, and the hand in his hair stroked down to Natsu's cheek. He could barely feel those cold fingers caressing his face, yet it was the sweetest sensation Natsu had ever known.

"I'll let you know right now, I _refuse_ to have you, of all people, as my first love," Gray said sternly but quietly. "Hell no! Not as my _first_ love. That's why … I'm going to ask Juvia out. I don't mind if she's my first love. Maybe I really can fall in love this time, too. But not you, got it?"

Juvia? Love? No! No, Natsu didn't want to lose Gray to Juvia. No! He wanted his body to work. He want to shout at him, but his body was not moving at all.

"I'm just … too confused," Gray said in anguish. "I don't understand what's going on anymore. Why is this happening? What did you do to me?"

To him? What was Gray even talking about? Natsu was confused, but he knew one thing: Gray was planning to ask out Juvia. He had to stop that! He needed to move, to shout, to confess everything right now. If not now, then Gray would be gone.

_'Move! Move, body. Why can't I move?'_

Natsu heard noises now, a door, shoes, and the rustling of clothes.

"Gray-sama?"

Juvia! He could smell her. Natsu wished he could grab Gray and claim him right in front of Juvia.

_'No! Goddammit, move!'_

"How is Natsu?"

"Not good. They had to put him into a medically induced coma."

Coma? Wait, was this what it was like to be in a coma? He heard stories that people in comas could hear everything going on around them. How does a person force themselves to wake up out of one?

"Do they know what's wrong?"

"The doctors aren't telling us much. His heart is weak, and he wasn't getting enough oxygen to the brain. Maybe that explains why he's such an idiot."

_'Who are you calling an idiot, asshole?'_

"Gray-sama, you look like you haven't slept."

"Sorry. I'm fine, really. Just tired. I stayed up all night watching over him."

_'You … were watching me? All night? How long have I been like this? How come I'm just now hearing things? Dammit, what happened to me?'_

"I was really hoping he'd wake up."

_'I am awake! I'm right here. Stupid body, move!'_

"Gray-sama needs rest. Juvia will get something to eat and bring it here. We can share lunch together."

_'Stay away from him. He's mine!'_

"No," Gray said wearily. "They said he might be like this for a day or two. It's pointless just standing here."

_'But I like listening to your voice!'_

"How about … we go out? We'll go somewhere together?"

_'You bastard, don't you dare ask her out when I'm right here.'_

"Go … out?"

Gray's voice went low, far more suave than Natsu had ever heard him speak. "Yeah, you and me."

_'Noooo! Gray! Dammit, I don't want to listen to this.'_

"Juvia … and … and Gray-sama?"

"Yeah. I've learned a really important lesson through all this, first with me stuck in the hospital, and now this flame-brain. Life is short. You need to take action before you lose an opportunity that's standing right in front of you, and you, Juvia … you've been by my side this whole time."

_'So have I, you blind bastard! Who do you think saved your life?'_

"How about it? Wanna go out with me?"

_'You goddamn idiot! In front of your comatose teammate? You really are the worst. The worst! I hate you!'_

"Y-yes!"

_'Of course you'd say yes. You've been wanting to get into his disappearing pants for ages. If he asked you to marry him, I bet you already have a dress picked out. Go to hell, both of you.'_

"Juvia is so happy!"

_'Big deal. So you finally caught the guy you've been stalking obsessively for ages. Get out of here. Just go. Go be happy. Go fuck each other like rabbits. Like I even care anymore. I hate you, Gray. Dammit, you're a real shit head.'_

"Let's get out of here and let Sleeping Beauty rest."

_'Fuck you, ice princess.'_

He heard their footsteps falling in sync with one another, like two lovers with their arms wrapped around one another's waists. The door creaked open, squealed on hinges, and then shut. The room around him was quiet except for the beeping of machines, probably life support to keep him breathing and monitoring his weakened heart.

_'I'm like this because of you, you know. I was willing to sacrifice everything for you. I'm here, in a coma, can't move, with my heart ready to sputter out, because I wanted you to walk again. And this … this is what I get in return? Damn you, Gray. I don't even care about you anymore. I don't care if your stupid leg falls off. Goddammit. Why … why can't I even cry? How is it that I can't feel my body, but my heart hurts so damn much? Stupid stripper. I hate you. I … hate … No. Gray? Gray, come back. Please! I want you to talk to me. I want to listen to your voice. I don't even care if you insult me the whole time. I don't like being alone in here. Come back! Don't leave me. Please. Dammit, I just wanna cry!'_

**Next Chapter: "Broken Heart"**


	19. Broken Heart

_"Stab the body and it heals, but injure the heart and the wound lasts a lifetime."_  
_— Mineko Iwasaki_

 

* * *

Natsu was unsure how long this strange existence lasted. Sometimes, he could hear. Sometimes, only smells came to him. Sometimes, what made it to his brain was so bizarre, he was not even sure if it was real or dreams. Sometimes, it felt like someone came to visit him and stayed only a few seconds, and other times it felt like they stayed for days on end. Time, space, reality, everything swirled and blended and distorted.

Finally, there was light to the darkness. A hand grabbed his, and he managed to squeeze back.

"Erza! Get the doctor."

"Lucy?" Natsu whispered. His vision was blurry, and his eyes felt dry.

"You collapsed. It's been three days."

Only three?

"They said your heart stopped. What happened?"

What happened? He remembered the volleyball game and the pain in his chest. If Lucy did not know, it meant Erza was still keeping this a secret.

"Don't bother him with questions," Erza told her. "He just woke up. I'm sure he's more confused than we are. Please go tell Master that he's awake, then go let Happy know. We promised to tell him right away."

"Oh, yes!"

Natsu saw a yellow blur leave, and a red blur came over in its place.

"Are you awake enough to hear me?"

Natsu kept trying to blink the blurriness from his vision. "Maybe. What happened?"

"You had a heart attack, a massive one."

"So, everyone knows?" he asked weakly. "Gray knows? About me? My heart? What I did?"

"No," she said with sadness and worry for him and this obsession of keeping secrets. "They only know you had heart trouble, nothing else. I had to tell Master the whole story, but the others don't know anything beyond that your heart stopped for a while."

"Thanks," Natsu whispered in relief. "Water."

"Wait for the doctor. You might have trouble swallowing."

A minute later, the doctor arrived and examined him with the help of a nurse. Erza stepped out to give them room and to wait for Makarov.

"Mister Dragneel," the doctor said as Natsu eagerly drank water. "We had to induce that coma to protect your brain from damage, but you're not out of danger yet. We've monitored you this whole time, and we decided to wait for you to regain consciousness before discussing actions."

"Actions?" he asked, sipping his cup.

"Were you aware of your heart condition?"

He froze and looked up sharply.

"I talked to two healers who know you, an elderly lady and a young wizard girl. Both said you did not have a heart condition just a few months ago, but the young girl said you've complained about pain in your chest for a few weeks now. From what I've seen, I really don't understand how your heart failed so suddenly, and so young, considering you're in impeccable health otherwise."

"How bad is it?" Natsu asked sternly.

The doctor was startled by the severity of those narrow eyes. "There are no artery blockages, no plaque buildup, just the muscles of the heart are … fatigued. Dangerously so. It's a condition called takotsubo cardiomyopathy. Basically, extended periods of severe stress—either mental or physical—produce increased levels of certain chemicals and enzymes which…"

"Am I gonna die?" Natsu interrupted in irritation. The technical crap was just gibberish to him.

"Your overall health is good, which increases your chances of full recovery. We need to keep you in the hospital for a while, carefully monitor your heart, and keep you free from stress. Your friend said it had to do with a mission you took as a wizard, a particularly painful one. Physical stress like that could definitely have brought this on, although it's rare at your age. It must have been a hell of a mission."

A mission? Yes … healing Gray had been his own personal mission, and he risked everything to finish the job. "So I'm fine, then?"

"Hardly," the doctor frowned. "You'll need surgery. One of your heart's valves is no longer working right. We can fix it, and we should do it soon. With your heart how it is now, any strenuous physical work could lead to another cardiac arrest. Considering the severity, I highly recommend a ventricular assist device."

"What the hell's that?"

"Think of it as a partially artificial heart. It'll be temporary, and you'll need to be careful while it's inside you."

Natsu cringed and looked away in anger. A fake heart? Something in his heart broke? This was too much! "Does this mean I can't fight?"

"You'll need to take it easy for a while, but once your heart heals, you should be able to do your work as a wizard, so long as you're careful."

Natsu forced himself not to roll him eyes. Obviously this doctor had no clue what sort of man Natsu Dragneel was! "So a surgery and I'm good to go, huh?"

"Well, we have to carefully monitor the heart, you'll need a round of medications, beta blockers, negative inotropes, ACE inhibitors, diuretics, a diet…"

Natsu groaned at that. "Diiieeet?"

The doctor chuckled that of all the serious things they had to do, a change in food was what this young man focused on. "With the right treatment and a healthy change in lifestyle, takotsubo cardiomyopathy will often heal within a month."

"A month!" he yelled. "Can't you make it heal faster?"

"We're talking about your heart, sir."

"But … magic healing…"

"That's _with_ magic healing _and_ mechanical assistance devices."

Natsu sneered and looked away. "Maybe it wasn't worth it after all," he grumbled. "Me for him. My heart for his leg. I really wasn't thinking it through, was I?"

The doctor and nurse exchanged confused looks.

"Can you bring Erza in?"

"Of course."

"And set up the surgery as soon as possible. Let's get it over with. Don't tell anyone else but Erza and Makarov about this."

"A doctor respects the privacy of the patient," the doctor assured him. "We can do the surgery tomorrow morning."

"Fine," Natsu grumbled. "The sooner, the better."

The two left, and Erza walked back in. The room was so quiet now, and she saw the lonely look on Natsu's face as he gazed at the window.

"Was I stupid, Erza?" Natsu asked, sounding strangely serious. "Doing it all on my own, going until my heart gave out. Was it yet another dumb thing that I shouldn't have done?"

"Probably," she admitted honestly. "We could have shared the pain. We even could have brought in someone else without Gray ever knowing. If I had any idea that you were working yourself into an early death, I would have put a stop to it right away."

"Maybe you should have," he muttered regretfully. "I thought anything was worth it. I was willing to sacrifice my own leg, or my heart, or my life. That's pretty stupid though, right? It wasn't like Gray was dying. It wasn't like he wouldn't have been able to fight in a wheelchair."

She frowned at his words. "Natsu, it's not like you to regret a choice."

He shook his head at his stupidity. "Even I can realize when I've made a dumb mistake. How's Gray?"

"He and Juvia left on a mission together. They're dating now."

"Yeah, I heard him ask her out … here in this room."

"Seriously? He asked her out in a hospital? That boy has no sense of romance."

Erza saw the pained look in Natsu's face. She had thought before that Natsu's determination to heal Gray went beyond just a bond of friendship. Now she saw sadness and jealousy. Her cheeks flushed slightly as the truth dawned on her. Natsu had not done all that out of sheer stubbornness. He had done it out of love!

Natsu … was in love.

"He came here a few times, you know," she said softly. "He really was worried about you. It was him and Jet who took you to the hospital."

Hearing that did not make Natsu feel any better.

"Should I send him a message that you're awake?"

"Like he cares," Natsu grumbled. "But can you send a message to Rei-chan at the Pussy Palace?"

Erza choked up. "Uh … I think I'll let Loke deliver that message," she said, blushing brightly. "You don't really want a stripper, right? I mean, with your heart this weak…"

"No, just let her know. Tell her I'm going through surgery tomorrow, and … and tell her Gray has a girlfriend. She'll want to know."

Erza's eyes narrowed. Why would the stripper Natsu was not-really-dating be interested in Gray's love life?

Unless…

Pieces were falling into place for Erza, and she looked at Natsu with pity.

"I'll let her know," she told him.

His feelings for Gray had been so intense, he hired someone to teach him about love, all so he could show love properly. Then Natsu risked his life just to bring Gray happiness. In return, Gray ignored Natsu and was dating someone else. How painful that must be! It almost made her want to hit Gray again, except he could not really be blamed. He was clueless about Natsu's feelings _and_ about the sacrifice he made. Gray was just living life as normally as he could.

Which was precisely what Natsu wanted.

"Natsu, maybe we should tell him," she said. "It's not fair to Gray, and hiding it from him means you have to hide it from everyone. People are seriously worried about you, and I can't tell them why this happened. They'll ask you as soon as you're out of the hospital."

"I've got a month," Natsu reasoned. "I'll think of something to say."

"You shouldn't lie to your friends."

"I won't lie. I just won't say unnecessary details."

"Unnecessary!" she bellowed. "Natsu, you put your life on the line for Gray. He should know. They all should. If they knew—"

"I can't—"

His shout faltered as he felt a pain in his chest. Erza rushed over and grabbed his hand. Natsu forced himself to relax and get over the angina pain.

"I can't let him know," he said softly, "especially not now. If he found out, think how guilty he'd feel. If he knew I'm like this because I wanted to save him, he'd hate me. I don't care about that too much, but the worst is … he'd hate himself. More than anything, I can't let Gray feel that way _again_. I can't … can't let him feel like he should die!" A tear dripped down Natsu's cheek, and he angrily wipe it aside. "I won't bring him sadness. If he's happy, that's what I want. Even if it's with Juvia…" His words cut out and his eyes widened. He realized too late, he had said too much.

Erza nodded now that her suspicions were confirmed. "You love him so much, I want to tell him," she said, looking proud and sad at the same time.

"Please don't," Natsu cringed.

"No. You should be the one to say the words." She squeezed his hand. "But someday you'll have to tell him about all of this. You can't keep it a secret for the rest of your life. That isn't fair to him, and it's not very loving."

"Maybe I still need time to figure out this whole _love_ thing," he smirked playfully.

She gave a soft laugh and patted his head. "Even when you're being mature, you're an idiot."

Just then, Happy burst into the room and flew straight into Natsu's chest, crying with relief. Natsu smiled at seeing him, and suddenly it was like that dark aura had never existed. Natsu was laughing, and Erza saw how the Dragon Slayer put up a faux-naïf personality. She wondered how often he did this, feigning ignorance and stupidity to hide deep inner turmoil. Slowly, she slipped out of the hospital room and let him and Happy have a joyful reunion.

* * *

Natsu underwent heart valve replacement surgery and insertion of a ventricular assist device. A few days later, Gray and Juvia returned from their mission together and heard the latest news.

"So he had a surgery on his heart?" Gray asked, sitting with Juvia and enjoying a milkshake. "How serious was it?"

"Fairly serious," Erza told him. "He'll be in the hospital for a month, but the recovery is so far going well."

"If he's up for visitors, maybe I should go tell him about me and Juvia."

The blue-haired rain woman leeched onto his arm and rubbed her cheek against him in happiness.

"Oh, he already knows," Erza told him bitterly.

Gray looked confused. "You told him?"

"No, he said he heard you."

Gray's eyes widened. "Heard what?"

"When he was in a coma, he heard you asking Juvia out."

Juvia covered her cheeks. "Natsu heard that? How embarrassing!"

Gray's face paled. "What else did he hear?"

Erza glanced over suspiciously. "What do you mean?"

"Did he hear everything?" he asked urgently.

Erza stared at him, trying to sort him out. "I don't think so. Why? Did you say something to him?"

Gray looked down, trying to remember precisely what he had told Natsu that day. He had confessed a lot, thinking the Dragon Slayer was asleep. If he had been aware of all of that…

"I should go see him," Gray decided. "Juvia, stay here. That hospital is too gloomy for someone like you. Plus Natsu might get jealous when he sees how happy we are together."

She blushed with joy. "Is Gray-sama really happy?"

"Of course," he said, and Gray gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be right back."

Gray hurried toward the hospital, fretting about what Natsu had heard. Had he mentioned the dreams? They had been bothering him. Even now, although he was dating Juvia, he kept having erotic dreams of her that slipped into threesomes involving Natsu.

Although he liked the idea of making love to Juvia—maybe one day they would get that far—in his dreams he preferred kissing that fiery mouth, and he preferred Natsu's rough, hot hands to Juvia's gentle, thin fingers. He would dream of thrusting into Juvia, but then suddenly Natsu would stand arrogantly over him, thrusting into Gray's mouth, those warm hands combing and pulling at his hair, those narrow eyes gazing down dominantly, hazy with the pleasure that Gray was giving to him. Pleasuring Juvia while also pleasuring Natsu…

Gray shook his head. He really needed to stop thinking about this.

"Oh! You're Gray-dear, right?"

The ice wizard jolted at the female voice. "Gray-dear?"

Hardly realizing it, Gray had reached the hospital, and just coming out was a busty black-haired lady wearing scant clothes and platform shoes with fishnet stockings.

"Rei, right?" Gray asked.

"Rei-chan," she corrected. "I'm friendly enough with everyone to be called _chan_ , but never friendly enough with anyone to drop all honorifics." She grinned as she said it, as if that was her favorite saying.

"Uh, right. Were you here for something?"

She tipped her head to the side and smiled. "Same reason as you, I guess. You're here to see Natsu-dear, right?"

Gray petulantly shrugged. "I guess I should at least make sure he's not dead."

Her crimson lips pouted. "That's a truly morbid thing to say. His heart was failing. He really could've died."

Gray felt like crap immediately afterward. "Y-yeah, I know." _Shit, saying something like that to his girlfriend. I'm an asshole. She must have been terrified for him._

"Do you know what he has?" Rei-chan asked, and Gray shook his head. "It's called takotsubo cardiomyopathy. There's an easier name for the condition, though. It's called _broken heart syndrome_."

"Broken heart?" Gray asked.

"A person truly can die from a broken heart, Gray-dear."

He scoffed and shook his head. "So this is all just because of that girl who turned down Natsu?"

Rei-chan's eyebrow lifted in amusement. "Girl? Oh, it's hardly a girl's fault. Do you know who has _really_ had Natsu-dear stressed out so much it weakened him to the point of being sick?" She took one long fingernail and tapped it to his chest. "You! He was running all over the kingdom for you, Gray-dear. He said he fought three dark guild cells just to get that machine that healed you. He would come home exhausted and sometimes bloodied. He wouldn't stop, though. He'd come home just long enough to look up information, ask your guild master a few questions, pack a fresh set of clothes, and set off again."

"And pay _you_ a visit," Gray glared.

She shrugged blithely. "A man has needs. Mostly, we talked. He couldn't tell _you_ what he was doing. You didn't believe in him. You thought he was an idiot. You were ready to give up. Do you know what really broke his heart?" she asked in accusation. "When you told him you were planning on amputating your leg. After that day … I've never seen a man so obsessed over someone else, and trust me, I see a lot of obsession in my line of work. By the way, it's nice that you're walking again. I'm glad Natsu-dear's efforts didn't go to waste."

He looked down at his leg. For those ten days, he had just laid back on a bed and grumbled that Natsu could not be bothered to wait around with him, not like he _needed_ that flame-brain to hold his hand while he healed. It never dawned on him, Natsu had spent months searching for that healing machine. His unannounced leaving could have simply been Natsu succumbing to exhaustion now that his mission was over.

"I guess I owe him an apology," he muttered, feeling guilty now for all the times he had yelled at Natsu about abandoning him.

"You owe him more than that," Rei-chan said with a narrow glare in her painted eyes, "but an apology is a good start." Then she smiled enigmatically. "He worried about you so much." She stepped nearer to him, until Gray began to lean back at her way-too-close proximity. "I'd have to ease his poor, tense muscles when he'd get back from his searches. He didn't stop thinking about you, _even_ when we were … intimate," she whispered, eyes gleaming deviously up at him.

Gray gulped hard. What exactly did she mean by that? A dirty thought came to his mind, and he felt his cheeks getting hotter.

"He … he talked about you on our beach trip," Gray said, shifting the conversation strictly back to her and Natsu.

"Did he? How sweet that he feels comfortable enough with you to talk about me! He must really trust you."

How did she flip this right back to being about him and Natsu?

"So you two, how serious is it?" asked Gray. "He says you're not boyfriend and girlfriend, but I got the hint that you are … um … you're…"

"Intimate?" she asked.

He blushed at the word.

"Have you ever heard of the phrase 'catch a tiger by the tail'? You should see how hard it is to catch a dragon, especially when the dragon has decided that someone else should be holding his _tail_. Still, he's a real animal!" She leaned up into his ear. "You should hear the way he roars when he comes."

The noises Gray heard in that seaside hotel returned to his ears. _"_ _Oh, so good! Fu- … ugh! Unnh! Oh … mmmmmnh, shit! Almost … almost …_ _Ah … nnngh … gaaaah!"_

"I don't want to know perverted details!" he shouted. Instantly, he felt ashamed as people glanced over at the two of them. Still, having a peek into Natsu's sex life left his heart beating rapidly. "So, are you two still … intimate?"

"Not while he's in the hospital, no. I may be a strip dancer, but even I won't do perverted things in public. By the way, you just removed your pants. You may want to put them back on."

"Huh?" Gray looked down and saw he was only wearing his boxers. "Dammit, not again!"

Rei-chan giggled as Gray found his clothes and yanked them back on. "So this is what he meant about you also being a stripper," she smiled.

"What did that flame-brain say about me?" Gray snapped.

"Oh, lots of stuff. He talks about you all the time. He admires you greatly, really cares for you, especially through these past few months. It's almost like he's enamored with you. If you weren't both guys, I'd almost think … well, that's probably just me imagining things, right?"

Gray's eyes jolted up in shock. "Think what?" he asked faintly.

"Nothing," she dismissed, blithely waving her hand as if to brush the idea out of her mind. "As for Natsu-dear and me, we're not intimate at the moment. We're fairly lose in our arrangement, we can come and go, which is how I prefer to do things. He's so taken up with that other person, though, I hardly know what I can do for him besides give him the comfort he's simply _starving_ to receive. We've had _some_ intimacy, yes, but…" She gave a shrug and soughed, "…not anymore."

"What do you mean, _not anymore_?" Gray asked skeptically.

"Apparently, the person Natsu-dear loves found out about us and got angry. He told me he doesn't want to do the things we used to do anymore. It's not even like we did a lot to begin with," she said in a huff, "but he's so sensitive to that person's feelings. I'm almost jealous."

"That girl who turned him down must really mean a lot to him, huh?"

Rei-chan smirked. "The _girl_? Ooh yes! My poor baby is trapped in a whirlpool. He can't get that little tormentor out of his mind. He would do absolutely _anything_ for that person."

Gray felt a shiver run down his spine as he remembered what Natsu once said to him.

_"I will do anything—anything—to help you … I'll give anything to have you back in Fairy Tail. And I mean anything."_

"I really do wish the best for them, and I know that when Natsu-dear wins the heart of his dear love—and I have no doubts he will—" She walked up seductively to Gray and caressed a finger down his torso toward his manhood. "Natsu-dear is going to show that little sweetheart a _really_ hot time." She leaned in even closer, pressing her body slightly against his as she whispered into his ear, "Especially how good he can kiss."

Gray gulped hard. "K-kiss?" He looked aside sharply. "What's so great about a kiss? Anyone can kiss."

"I used to think the same thing," she shrugged, pulling away, "until I felt the kiss of a Fire Dragon Slayer. Seriously," she lamented lightly, "I think he ruined me. Nothing else comes close to comparing to that burning mouth and how he uses that long, nimble tongue of his. I really do wish he would use that mouth _elsewhere_ , if you know what I mean, but he wants to save himself for his sweetheart. I envy the person he'll do _that_ to."

Gray felt his heart racing as he thought about those dreams he had. In his threesome dreams, he sucked on Natsu, but in dreams that were just about the two of them, it was Natsu on his knees sucking on Gray, that hot mouth sheathing his arousal, scalding saliva drooling down his length and to his balls.

"Shit," he whispered, feeling an uncomfortable tightness in his pants.

Rei-chan smirked with satisfaction. "Well, I'll leave him to you."

"What?" Gray shouted, jolting out of the daydreams.

"You wanted to see him in the hospital, right?"

Gray cringed. There was no way he could see Natsu now, not feeling this way. "He's fine enough to have a visitor like you, so it's not like I really need to check on him."

"Oh, but he really misses you," she lamented with a pout. "Even now, he was talking so much about you. Natsu-dear would _love_ to get a visit from his precious, sweet teammate."

"Che!" Gray scoffed. "I doubt that."

"Then you obviously don't know him well enough." She began to walk away, but she paused by Gray's shoulder and leaned back to his ear again. "You really should _get to know him_ better." Then she strode away, strutting with a shake to her hips that left men and a few women all up and down the street gawking.

Gray stood there, planted by her mysterious words. He glanced up at the hospital.

"He's fine. He doesn't need me to bother him."

Gray turned sharply, rushed through the town, and went back home. He stripped from the entryway all the way to the bathroom, until he was naked by the time he reached the shower. He turned on the cascading water and jumped in.

"Like I care," he grumbled. "I have a girlfriend. He should also man up and ask out that girl he likes. Idiot flame-brain! Like I care!"

Still, images flitted past his vision.

"I don't care!" he shouted.

Natsu on his knees, those eyes no longer fierce, but pleading, begging for permission to use his fiery mouth…

Gray grabbed at his scalp and pulled his hair, wishing he could rip those erotic images out of his mind. "Dammit, stop it!"

He turned the water on hotter, hoping the pain would kill his erection. Instead, like at the beach, it had the opposite effect. Now in his mind he saw his cock in that mouth, he heard the hums of pleasure he had eavesdropped on in the hotel, and his hand went down to stroke himself.

"I don't want it to be your face," Gray whispered. "Why? Why your face?"

He knew he could probably turn the water onto cold and the vision would freeze away; however, he also knew these sorts of fantasies were more powerful and fulfilling. He never lasted long when it was Natsu in his mind.

"Damn you," he seethed. "Goddamn you, idiot."

He stroked quickly, wanting it to be over as soon as possible. He knew the fantasy would not end until it ran its course, so he let his mind pretend it was Natsu's mouth, that burning tongue, the high moans he had heard.

_"Ahh … mmmnnnh, ugh! Mmmmnngh, more … ah … ahhh!"_

Gray covered his mouth to hold back his own sounds. His wrist sped on, making this quick. If it was over fast enough, the guilt would not bother him as much. His thighs began to tighten. He shivered as the heated water dripped down him like burning fingers caressing his skin. His mind imagined Natsu looking up with a messy, wet face and his pink hair dripping down to his shoulders. And that mouth! Those lips, and that tongue, licking him, kissing him, smiling slyly as he knew how he could mess up Gray.

_"I want to taste you, Gray."_

Gray gasped and arched back against the shower wall. "Oh God!"

He slammed his fist into the wall as he came. He leaned against the wet tiles, trembling at the intensity, watching the cum shoot into the hot water, only to wash away. He breathed hard as the fantasy faded and weariness washed over him.

It felt so good! So good to let go, to give in and let these perverted thoughts overwhelm him.

But it could never be. Natsu had some girl he liked. He might feel a brotherly closeness toward Gray, he might even put his life on the line for him, yet it was some girl who stole his heart and then broke it. Even Rei-chan said that Natsu would do anything for this unrequited lover, and she firmly believed Natsu and this girl would hook up.

He would lose Natsu, and he didn't even know who was his competition.

"I shouldn't care," he trembled. "You like some girl, and now I have Juvia. I shouldn't care for you! So … why…?"

He hugged himself, and not even the hot shower water stopped his trembling. He had begun to realize at the beach, these thoughts were dangerous. They were fantasies, and how horrible was it to think erotically of your own teammate! Plus Natsu was busy thinking about that girl, whoever she was. He looked so ardent at the beach when he talked about her.

_"It'd definitely be … strange, right?"_

"Strange. Goddammit. Here I am, wishing it was me," Gray said wryly, "and even you said it'd be strange. And it would be, right? You and me? Shit. That's just crazy. So stupid!"

That was why he ran to Juvia. Before he fully lost his heart, he needed to find someone, _anyone_. Otherwise, it would just hurt when his emotions were rejected, and he might end up hurting Natsu purely out of emotional frustration. That flame-brain bastard had done enough for Gray. Too much! So much, it pissed Gray off. He did not want to inconvenience him even more with a confession, especially since Natsu was sick now and any additional emotional stress would only make him worse. These mixed-up feelings utterly confused Gray, and he was not ready to face this sort of life-changing reality, especially when Natsu loved someone else.

It would be best if Natsu found love with his girl, and if Gray found happiness with Juvia. He told himself that everyone would be happier that way.

"You love someone else, and I need to figure out what love is. I can't even know if this … this feeling … if it's … _that_ ," he said weakly. "I can't know unless I know what the hell love feels like, and I'm not about to take that sort of chance with you, because if I'm wrong … if it's … not love … I don't even know what the hell this is, and I don't want you to make fun of me. You'd just reject me anyway because … because you … love someone else already."

Why did the idea of actually losing something he never had, something he refused to grab, hurt him so much?

Softly, knowing he was slowly losing himself to these confusing, conflicting thoughts, he whispered, "Damn you, Natsu." His eyes closed, and tears streaked down along with the shower water. "Damn you for messing me up!"

****Next Chapter: "Treating the Sick"** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Takotsubo cardiomyopathy is a real heart condition, and yes, it's honestly called "broken heart syndrome" due to it being common amongst people facing a relationship breakup, the death of a loved one, and other forms of mental, emotional, or physical stress, which puts a massive strain on the heart muscle. It is most common in women over 50, so seeing it in a young man would be really rare, but it can happen, especially if the stress is unnaturally acute, like with Natsu and what he suffered through for ten days. The condition was discovered in Japan and named after octopus traps, since the deformation in the swollen heart makes it look like the takotsubo jars used by fishermen. In modern medicine, it takes two months to fully recover, so I figured that with magic, it would take half that time._
> 
> _A lot of people hated Gray after the last chapter, but remember, he has no clue Natsu likes him or what Natsu sacrificed. He thinks Natsu likes some girl, and no one, not even Natsu, has corrected him on this assumption that it's a female. If anything, this ambiguity is making matters worse for Gray now that he's starting to recognize his emotions for Natsu. Hopefully I explained his point of view clearer and you don't all think he's an asshole anymore._


	20. Treating the Sick

_"Even if sickness distracts from thoughts, all that is needed is the will to love."_  
_— Saint Teresa of Avila_

 

* * *

Natsu was in the hospital for a few weeks, but he healed quickly, with Wendy coming every day to help him recover, as well as the hospital's own magical healers and machines. Soon after surgery, he was allowed to remove the ventricular assist device as his heart proved it could beat healthily on its own. He went through many tests, took medications and sat through hours of healing therapy, but finally he was released.

He needed to take it easy for a while longer, so Erza sternly enforced "house arrest" on him. The members of Fairy Tail took turns bringing Natsu nutritious meals, rather than the junk he and Happy usually ate, as well as cleaning up his house since he was forbidden by the doctors from lifting anything heavy for a while.

"This sucks!" he exclaimed. "I can't work out, can't lift weights, can't fight."

Lucy sat with him. "Too bad we had to give the healing machine to the Magic Council. We could use that to heal you up really quick."

Natsu cringed at the idea. "No, I wouldn't make anyone else use that. Ever!"

"Why not?" she pouted. It seemed the most logical solution: a machine that really worked miracles. "You managed to heal Gray when no one else thought his leg would recover."

 _'And look where that got me,'_ he thought to himself, but Natsu said nothing.

There was a knock on the door, and Lucy went to answer it. "Gray!"

Natsu bolted up in bed. It was the first time Gray had come over. Natsu had not even seen him since regaining consciousness in the hospital.

"It's my turn to bring food for the guy. It's a mango, avocado, black bean, and grilled chicken salad. It's supposed to be really good for the heart."

"That's sweet, Gray. I'll put it in the kitchen. He's resting in the bedroom."

"Nah, I just…"

"You haven't seen him. Don't be stubborn."

"Fine, fine," he sighed.

Natsu listened to the sounds of footsteps. He smelled Gray's scent as he got closer. It was an aroma of wintermint, pines, and snow that he missed so much. Smelling it again sent a tingle straight down his spine. He pulled his knees up in bed to hide the arousal starting to form already.

There was a soft rap just as Gray turned the corner to the bedroom. Natsu saw that he got a haircut, not much, but the bangs were not so shaggy anymore. He wore a loose shirt in the summer heat, and Natsu realized it was the same purple shirt he had worn on Tenrou Island. His sword pendant necklace gleamed in the sunlight streaming through the light curtains. Natsu had missed those droopy blue eyes so much.

"Yo," Gray said softly. "Well, you don't look so bad, considering."

Natsu wanted to compliment him, tell Gray he looked great, how happy he was to see him again, but then he remembered hearing Gray asking out Juvia. Bitterness flooded over those happy feelings and drowned them.

"I'm surprised you bothered to come at all," he grumbled instead.

Gray gave a light shrug as he stepped into the room. "Erza insisted it was my turn to bring you dinner. I don't like cooking hot food, so it's a salad."

"Typical of you," Natsu scoffed. "Something cold from a cold-hearted bastard."

Gray flinched at that. "Are you starting up with the insults already?"

"I don't need help from someone like you."

"What the hell?" Gray shouted. "What'd I do to you, huh?"

"Didn't come see me for a frigging month, that's what!" Natsu shouted.

Gray froze, petrified with guilt. He had been mad that Natsu took off during his healing, so he might have purposely not visited the hospital in a twisted form of revenge. However, he also knew how angry he had been that Natsu left without a word, although Gray only had to lie still for a week. Natsu, on the other hand, had been through a major surgery and weeks of recovery. Gray realized that Natsu must have been just as angry as he had felt earlier, since Gray never visited him in the hospital.

"Look, you didn't want to be around when I was getting healed, so I figured maybe you didn't want me around."

Natsu looked up at him sadly. "I wanted…" His words choked off. _'I wanted you there, Gray! I wanted you to talk to me while I was trapped in my own mind. I wanted you to be there when I was scared that I might die during heart surgery. I wanted you to put a few ice cubes into the water they gave me for taking my pills. I wanted you to encourage me, support me, smile and tell me I was doing a good job, and to look happy that I was recovering. I wanted you around!'_

Natsu folded his arms and looked away stubbornly. Like hell could he confess all that! "If you're not even sincere about it, just drop off the food, tell Erza you did your duty, and leave."

"Hey!" Gray marched in and hit the top of Natsu's head. "I spent a lot of time on that salad, so you better like it."

Natsu petulantly glared at the ceiling with a bump rising on his head. "You shouldn't attack a defenseless sick person."

"You are anything but defenseless, even with a bad heart. What the hell happened to you, anyway? The doctors told Erza and Makarov, but those two refused to tell any of us what was going on."

Natsu gave an awkward shrug. "It was all technical. I can't remember what they said."

"Idiot!" Gray yelled angrily. "This is your _heart_ we're talking about. That's important."

Natsu suddenly lashed out, "When was the last time _you_ ever cared about my heart?" He instantly regretted saying that and turned away. "This coming from a guy with a heart of ice."

"Hey, my heart is healthy. Whatever is wrong with you, you need to take things seriously. It's annoying being this worried about you."

"If it's annoying, then don't be worried."

"Like I can help it," Gray shouted, but he turned aside as emotions he thought he had suppressed almost came to the surface. "Dammit," he whispered. "Do you think I wanna see you almost die right in front of me?"

Natsu glanced over hesitantly with large, sad eyes. He knew that feeling. He remembered seeing Gray almost dead. Now Gray had experienced something similar, witnessing Natsu's heart stop, carrying him to the hospital, watching over him. It was the exact same thing!

"We were all really worried, you know," Gray snapped. "So take better care of your life. You only have one lifetime as Natsu Dragneel. Don't screw it up. It'd be really annoying if you weren't around, especially since I still have to kick your butt."

The anger in Natsu slowly eased. "Gray…"

"And why it is so frigging hot in here?" Gray turned on a fan and opened the window. "No wonder your heart quit. It was probably being boiled."

"Hey, Snowball! I'm sick here. Stop turning the place into a freaking freezer."

"Don't you know that hot weather and heart disease can be a dangerous combination? More people have heart attacks in the heat than when it's cold."

Just then, Lucy walked in and said, "That's true. I read about that in a health magazine when I was at the hospital with you. Hot weather drastically increases the probability of problems for people with heart trouble, and we've had this horrible heatwave for nearly a week now." She laughed lightly. "Maybe Gray should stay around to cool you off and keep your heart safe."

Both men stared at her in shock, then at each other, and then both looked away stubbornly.

"Fine, maybe it was a little stuffy in the room," Natsu grumbled. "You still don't need to make it freezing cold, though."

"If you really don't like it, I guess I should cater to a sick person," Gray grumbled, and he turned the fan to a lower setting. "But it really is too hot, so only a little."

"Whatever."

"Fine!"

Lucy smiled that they were (more or less) getting along. "Stay for dinner, Gray."

"Nah, I have a date with Juvia."

Natsu flinched, and despite himself, he felt a pain in his chest.

"Natsu!" Gray shouted, seeing the discomfort in his face.

"I'm fine," he hissed.

"Lemme check." Gray took up Natsu's hand and placed his fingers against his wrist. Natsu looked aside with embarrassment. "Your heart rate is a bit fast. Your face is flushed, too. We should call a doctor."

"I said I'm fine!"

Gray bonked him on the head again. "Stop being so stubborn, asshole."

"Really, it's just…" _You're too close!_ "It's fine, trust me. I'm just overheating."

"See! Fire idiot."

"Blizzard breath!"

"Gray," Lucy said, "keep some coolness on his forehead for now. Natsu, you should lie back."

"Whatever," Natsu grumbled, but he obediently flopped back onto his pillows.

"I'll make some iced tea to keep you hydrated," Lucy offered, and she hurried off to the kitchen. "Happy, where's the iced tea container?"

"Natsu never makes iced tea."

"Sheesh!"

The two boys were left in the bedroom alone.

"Seriously, just looking at you makes me want to sweat. Get these covers off you," Gray mumbled.

He pulled everything but the sheet off of Natsu's body. The Dragon Slayer was shirtless and wore only pajama pants underneath. Gray saw a scar where the doctors had operated on his heart, and he looked away from the wound, feeling guilty that he had not checked in on Natsu all this time.

Natsu put a hand over the scar and muttered, "I didn't want you to see it."

"We both have lots of scars," Gray reasoned. "This is just another one." He placed his hand on Natsu's forehead and permeated a bit of chilliness down onto the feverish skin.

Not meaning to, a soft moan shivered out of Natsu's throat.

"Sheesh, you're weird when you're sick," Gray muttered, trying to not let it show just how that moan affected him.

"Shut up."

"You shut up! Really, if I weren't here, what would happen to you?"

Natsu sadly raised his eyes to Gray. "If you weren't here, I'd probably be dead."

"Don't be morbid," he scolded. Gray stroked through Natsu's hair, cooling him down. "Don't hesitate to ask for help, got it? I owe you one for finding that healing machine, even if you took off like an asshole."

Natsu kept quiet and looked sad.

Gray caught the look on his face. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I really do owe you an apology. You were probably feeling sick back then as well, right? You're so stubborn, you probably didn't want to tell anyone that you were feeling weak."

"Something like that," Natsu grumbled.

"Then speak up next time. I thought you just didn't care."

"Of course I care!" Natsu shouted, but he choked up instantly. "That … that is … you're my teammate and my friend. Of course I was worried. I wanted you to get better. I guess I pushed myself too hard, though."

"I see," Gray frowned. Rei-chan was right. Natsu had been running all around Fiore for months, hardly getting sleep, rarely staying at home, all for the sake of finding that machine before Gray agreed to an amputation. "You worked yourself up so much, it probably caused this, right?"

"Maybe," Natsu whispered. It was close enough to the truth.

Gray suddenly bowed his head low. "Thank you."

Those squinty, green eyes widened in astonishment. "Wh-what?"

Gray kept his head down. "You risked your health for my sake. You went that far just for me. You almost died, and it was all so I could walk again. I'm forever in your debt. So, I'm sorry if I've been an asshole to you and … and thank you, really."

"No! No, it's fine," Natsu cried out. The last thing he wanted was for Gray to feel guilty.

"Shut up and accept my thanks, bastard!"

Natsu gulped, but a smile struggled up to his lips. "You're welcome. You'd do the same, right?"

Gray finally raised his head and smiled down at the Dragon Slayer. "Yeah, I probably would."

Natsu grinned, and when Gray put his cold hand on that burning forehead again, Natsu's eyes closed with happiness.

"Don't ever do that again, though," Gray said quietly. "Even if it's for my sake, don't work yourself almost to death. There's no purpose in you helping me if you're left even weaker."

"You know I'd still go that far."

"And I'm saying, don't do it again! Once is enough for one lifetime."

Natsu kept his eyes closed, enjoying the coolness stroking his hair. "Hey Gray?"

"What?"

"… I'm really glad you can walk."

Gray's cheeks went a little hot. "Idiot." He looked down at Natsu's relaxed face, and a smile flitted over Gray's lips. "I'll stay for dinner."

Natsu's eyes opened in surprise. "What? But your date!"

"I can cancel this time, since it's to take care of you."

Natsu felt bashfulness at hearing him say that, and he looked away to hide his joy.

"Someone has to look out for you." Gray let his fingers stroke through the pink strands and watched the way they shined in the sunlight. "I owe you for finding that healing machine, so the least I can do is hang around and cool you off. Maybe I should drop by more, at least through this heatwave."

Natsu felt his cheeks getting hotter and hotter. Gray wanted to hang out, alone, here in his house! Still, he grumbled to hide his excitement, "If you're busy, you don't have to go out of your way."

"Nah, I need the walking exercise, and it's a nice stroll, very scenic. I don't mind, really."

"But then you have to sit around here. It can be really quiet out here in the woods. It's probably boring to a guy like you."

Gray looked down at the Dragon Slayer's heat-tinged cheeks and smiled to himself. "I told you already, asshole. I don't mind. Now shut up and stop complaining or I'll change my mind and let you roast yourself."

Natsu settled back on his pillows and felt at peace with the surly tone. He really had missed arguing like this.

Gray placed a hand over Natsu's reddened cheek to cool off the flush, but when Natsu's eyes slowly turned up to him, the way they looked made Gray gulp hard. Being away from the Dragon Slayer had almost allowed Gray to convince himself that his _confusion_ back then was just that, just weird ideas and random curiosity that was normal for a teenager. He thought he was totally over it, those fantasies were out of his system, he was dating Juvia and returning to a totally normal, heterosexual life, where she was his gorgeous girlfriend and Natsu was nothing more than a teammate and his childhood rival.

The view in front of him, his hand on Natsu's face, those green eyes gazing up softly at him, shattered all of his disillusions. Time seemed to stop for them, and they stared for minutes although it felt like no time at all. They stared at each other, giving soulful gazes although neither revealed any of the turmoil broiling in their minds.

To the side, Lucy and Happy were both spying on the two while the tea brewed. Lucy was shocked to see the smile on Natsu's face while Gray tenderly petted his pink hair, and now their locked gaze. She wanted to smash their faces together and scream "KISS ALREADY!" Of course, that was just silly yaoi fangirl fantasies she harbored.

Happy pulled back with his paws covering his mouth to hide his laugh. Lucy also slipped away and followed Happy back to the kitchen.

"What is it?" she asked the Exceed in confusion.

"Isn't it obvious?" Happy giggled. "They lllllllllllike each other!"

Lucy glanced quickly back to the bedroom. "Then it's not my imagination."

"Nope, but don't let them know."

"Why not? Oh. Right," she said seriously as she thought about it. "Gray is with Juvia now. She would flood us all."

"And we shouldn't interfere. That's what Rei-chan said."

"Natsu's girlfriend? She knows?"

"She's helping him. She's been teaching him how to kiss and what to do when on a date, so one day he can win over Gray."

Lucy's eyes grew wider. "I see. That's how it is, huh? He kept saying she's not really a girlfriend. So, it's like that."

"Aye! Rei-chan said Gray isn't ready. I hope he's ready soon. Natsu really likes him, although right now he thinks he hates him."

"Hates him? Why?"

"Because Gray is dating Juvia and didn't come to see Natsu in the hospital."

"So Natsu is jealous," Lucy realized.

"Aye, and Gray is mad at Natsu about Rei-chan, and even when Rei-chan practically told Gray everything, he didn't get it, and so she told me they weren't ready, but I really hope they're ready soon. Sometimes Natsu cries and says Gray's name over and over when he thinks I'm asleep."

"Omigosh, that is so sad!"

Now she really did want to smash their faces together and scream at them to start kissing. Both were too prideful and too stubborn to make the first move. She rubbed her chin. Was there anything she could do to push them in the right direction?

**Next Chapter: "The Long Stare"**

* * *

_A/N: I swear, Happy is the love guru of Fairy Tail. If he giggles at two people and says "de dekiteiru," there's definitely love in the air._


	21. The Long Stare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Consider this an omake, bonus chapter, deleted scene, or whatever you want. I wrote the internal monologues on a whim to EternalBlaze5 in response to the question of what Gray and Natsu were thinking about during their long, soulful gaze. I actually really liked it, so I expanded that scene and created this._

Thoughts zoomed through Gray's mind as he gazed down at the flushed Dragon Slayer.

_'My heart is racing.'_

It beat so fast, he felt the pounding against his ribcage. He was glad he still had his shirt on. He was sure it was beating so hard, Natsu would have been able to see it.

_'I thought I was over this. Dammit!'_

The confusion was back: a duality of wanting Natsu and fearing his own desires. Wanting _him_ , of all people! Wanting a man! When had this begun? What even was it? He wasn't gay! He had never been gay! So what did this even mean?

_'I want to kiss him. I want to so much.'_

Gray's lips softened and relaxed as he imagined it. He focused on those lips, pink and chapped, and Gray wanted to lick them, to moisten those lips and soothe away the dryness.

_'He's … breathtaking! The way he's looking at me…'_

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Gray realized that some time had passed. Natsu had not looked away, also trapped in this silent vortex. Trapped together, eternally! Then, something dark surged up. He almost looked away in rage.

_'It's so wrong, though. He's a guy, and Natsu has a girl he likes, so he's not gay. Hell, I'm not gay either. I'm just … confused. That's all.'_

Yes, confused. Teens were allowed to experiment, to feel out their boundaries and try new ideas. He was just curious. He wasn't gay, just curious!

_'And I can't betray Juvia.'_

That was the truth. He would never cheat on her. Even if, by some miracle, Natsu parted those lips and asked for a kiss, Gray would have to tell him no. He would _have to!_ His honor demanded it, there was no way he would cheat on his girlfriend, and so privately he prayed that Natsu would not say anything at all. If Gray had to tell him no, that would shatter his heart like a dropped ice cube.

_'I like her, but … but I…'_

It was certainly strange. As much as he enjoyed Juvia's company, as happy as he felt strolling through town with her clinging to his arm, as hilarious as she could be, and as sexy as she acted when they were alone, something bothered him. He could not place his finger on it. He really liked Juvia, but…

_'How I feel about Natsu is different than that. It's different, but it's still weird.'_

These were not the same feelings as he had for Juvia. It was totally different, and in ways he did not understand. Maybe neither set of emotions were love. One was liking a girl and having fun with her, the other was wanting a man and feeling a desperate need to be with him. Like and Lust! Those weren't what Gray wanted, though. He wanted love!

He knew in that moment, what he felt for Natsu was not the love he was searching for. It was desire. It was infatuation. He knew in his heart, this was not love, and for some reason that depressed him. Did he want it to be love? Was there a way to twist lustful neediness into heartfelt compassion?

He didn't know. He had never felt real love.

_'Still, he looks so … kissable! I wonder what Rei-chan meant about the kisses of a Fire Dragon Slayer. Dammit, I want to know! I want to kiss him, feel how hot that mouth is, but that's a real selfish thing to do. I can't!'_

Oh he could! He could be a total asshole and betray everyone, cheat on Juvia, break his bond of friendship with Natsu, maybe destroy the delicate dynamics of the whole team. He could pin Natsu to the bed and kiss the fuck out of him! He imagined himself doing it, how those pointed eyes would widen in shock and horror, being kissed by the man who was a rival, the boy he had known since they were kids, the guy he fought most often. To be kissed by a man like that! Oh yes, it would shock the hell out of Natsu, but Gray rationalized that likely it would end with him getting punched for being a dick.

_'I can't take advantage of him when he's sick.'_

It boiled down to that. Natsu was sick; he needed to keep calm, rest, and heal himself. Gray was in a relationship and happy with Juvia. These feelings were just raw infatuation. He was not about to destroy their friendship, or hurt Juvia, due to an uncontrolled outburst of lust.

_'That's just shitty.'_

* * *

Natsu felt weird. His heart was fluttering, but not in a bad way. Lying on the pillows, he felt like he was floating, and Gray was a snowflake showing him the way to fly. Those cold, blue eyes promised happiness, and yet … they were reticent.

_'Come on, Gray! It's perfect. Kiss me already!'_

Natsu had learned plenty about 'perfect settings' from Rei-chan. This was one of those times. It was the perfect moment. Gray's hand was on his face, those eyes were gazing down at him, lying there, prone and waiting.

_'Why isn't he kissing me?'_

It was infuriating! Couldn't Gray read the mood? This was the perfect mood! It was a once in a lifetime moment between them.

_'Oh God, I want those lips! I want to warm up his mouth. I want to set his whole body on fire.'_

He wanted Gray so much in that moment, his hands almost reached out. He couldn't, though. He couldn't take possession of someone who belonged to another. It had to be Gray's choice.

Somewhere, he could hear whispers between Lucy and Happy, but he ignored them. The sound of Gray's breathing was loud in his ears. His own heart throbbed, and the blood rushing through his head made a white-noise that drowned out anything past the bedroom door.

_'You're looking at me weird, Gray. What are you thinking about?'_

For a brief moment, the skin between Gray's eyebrows wrinkled, just slightly, but enough to create a shadowy furrow that showed negative emotions. Instantly, Natsu felt his heart plummeting into despair.

_'Am I really so repulsive that you won't say anything?'_

What was this silent gaze about? And that disgusted look, what did it mean? A whole minute must have passed, maybe longer, Natsu had no idea, but they were just … staring! Their eyes were locked in a battle, and Natsu didn't even know what it was about. Still, he did not look away, and neither did Gray.

_'You're just staring weird. Come on! The mood is perfect, and I'm right here! Just lean over.'_

His lips began to part, ready to speak, but he couldn't. Rei-chan had strictly warned him: now that Gray had a girlfriend, Natsu had to honor that decision. As much as he hated it, as miserable as it made him feel, he had to acknowledge that Gray must have had feelings for Juvia already. Hell, the whole guild knew about it! Juvia was a friend of his, as well. Natsu had to respect her emotions, which had been aimed solely at Gray for years. The honorable thing to do was not cull Gray away from that relationship, but wait until Gray naturally returned to him.

Still, Natsu was not a patient man.

_'Just ask, 'Is it okay if I kiss you?' and I'll say yes. I can't ask you, you have a girlfriend so it's wrong of me to ask, but if you ask me … don't even ask. **Just do it!** I want it.'_

He wanted it! He wanted it so badly, the pit of his gut hurt.

_'Come on, Gray. No one's even watching.'_

It could be their secret. Even if Gray was dating Juvia, Natsu could keep just a single kiss as a secret. It would be their shared sin, unknown to anyone else. Instead, Gray's eyes dropped a little lower, not looking away, but no longer focused on Natsu's eyes. Was it his chin? Maybe the scar on his neck? Regret flooded Natsu's heart.

_'You must really be that totally uninterested, huh? It's just my imagination. Dammit!'_

Of course Gray was uninterested! The guy had a girlfriend, and he was happy. He was supposed to be on a date later that night. Just because he canceled, Natsu realized he should not feel so damn happy. Gray did it for Natsu as a teammate, nothing else. Hell, he had wanted to drop his food off with Lucy and leave without even saying hello. That's hardly how someone in love would act. Natsu was left with his silent pining.

_'I want him to kiss me, but I can't ask when he has a girlfriend.'_

He couldn't. That much, he knew. He might be wild and sometimes a little destructive (Erza and Lucy blew it out of proportion, of course, making it sound like he destroyed something every mission, when it was most definitely not _every_ mission); however, Natsu had been raised by a dragon. Dragons were honorable and noble creatures. As the son of Igneel, he could not besmirch his heritage by hording that which was not his to own. He could not force Gray to love him.

_'That's just shitty.'_

* * *

And so both remained quiet. Gray stared down in wistful regret at the lips he dared not claim, while Natsu gazed up with heartbroken yearning he could not express.

Neither could say what they were thinking. They did not even know how to form those erratic thoughts into words. These emotions were new and troubling. Their sense of pride, honor, and stubbornness outweighed the heaviness this silence hung on their hearts.

Wordlessly, they continued the unspoken monologue of their internal torment throughout the long stare.

**Next Chapter: "The Flame of Love"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _To concerned readers: yes, I'm aware of the massive art theft attack made on AO3. Yes, I was a victim, with over a dozen stories stolen by the Ebooks-Tree website. No, I'm not concerned. I don't play the whiny pussy role. I threatened a lawsuit if they do not remove my stories in the next 72 hours. I have copyright-protected song lyrics in some of these stories, and if you try to make money off a story with my lyrics, even if it's only money made from ads, you owe me royalties. You don't fuck with a professional writer! That being said, I will not stop uploading my stories online, and I hope you don't stop reading._


	22. The Flame of Love

_"Passion is the spark that ignites the flame of love; to burn brighter and hotter."_  
_― Deborah Brodie_

 

* * *

The lips were cold, slightly chapped, but getting warmer, wetter, more supple with each kiss. Natsu wanted those lips to be the same heat as his own. Or maybe those lips were cooling off Natsu's own mouth. He didn't know and didn't care. He just wanted their temperatures to match, mingle, and become one. Somewhere between hot and cold, summer and winter, flames and ice, somehow they met on equal ground, but only when they were this close together.

The body under him writhed and twisted, sometimes moving away from the pleasure, sometimes arching up into it, as if there was no way to decide which was better: to resist, or to give in.

Natsu liked both. He liked when the limbs and torso resisted, because then he could get forceful, dominating over the reluctance. However, he absolutely loved when he heard a moan, a whimper, a gasp, and that body pressed needfully into his caressing hands.

"Nnngh … Natsu!"

He felt a chill at the name whispered in the darkness. His name, uttered by his mate. Natsu's mouth moved down, sucking, sometimes biting just because he wanted to hear a cry, and licking, licking, _licking!_ Everywhere! He wanted to claim every piece of flesh on this body.

His tongue dragged slowly over the nipple of a taut pectoral. He let his tongue slap the tightening nub, getting soft noises of pleasure turning into insane cries.

"Stop teasing!" The shout was accompanied by a full-body shiver. "Please!"

Begging … how sweet. How could he possibly resist?

Natsu pulled the small teat with his lips, suckling and nipping. Arms wrapped around him and fingers dug into his flesh with erotic pain.

"More!"

"How much more do you want?" Natsu asked.

"Inside. Now. I need you."

He gripped his arousal, and blue eyes gazed up in the darkness, pleading to be filled.

"Do you really want it?" Natsu teased, rubbing just the head of his arousal against the small opening. "Do you want my cock?"

"Yes! Please!" he shouted, trying to lift his hips.

Natsu placed a hand down and held him still. "I'll take care of it." Slowly, with shivering cries of pleasure under him, Natsu slipped in. "So warm inside."

"N-Natsu … more."

"Oh, don't you worry," he smirked slyly. "Just because you're an ice princess doesn't mean I won't fuck you like a beast."

The man under him gasped and shivered at the dirty words. Oh yes, he liked it rough and crude! He would never admit it, but Natsu knew what drove him crazy. Cold hands reached down to stroke himself, but Natsu snatched his wrists away.

"Not yet. You have to pleasure me, first. Then you're allowed to come."

He went slowly, thrusting in, gently pulling out, savoring the feel. It was so tight, so smooth, and those groans … oh God, listening to the whines and whimpers was pure heaven. So sweet. So erotic!

"Talk … more."

Yes, he loved when Natsu said those dirty words.

"You ass is mine. All mine," the Dragon Slayer growled. "I'm going to mark you, every bit of you, my little prey. Outside," and Natsu leaned over to bite into the side of the neck. "Inside." He slammed his hips in and listened to the shout of pleasure. "You like it rough, don't you?"

He pounded in hard, with long and full strokes that crashed again and again. Every thrust led to a moan, pain and pleasure mixed, discomfort and erotic thrills blending just like their bodies that were now one. Natsu knew it was selfish, but he wanted to be pleasured without giving back, at least for a few minutes. He felt one of the hands pull again, a desperate need for stimulation, and he squeezed the wrist just a little harder, not enough to bruise, but tight enough to show he was not going to let his lover have his way just yet.

"Natsu … please, let me come."

"Not yet. You don't smell like you're ready."

"I am! I'm gonna … I'm … ahhh!"

"Fine. But I'll do it."

Natsu reached down and stroked an erection already dripping and trembling with need. Instantly, he felt rigid stiffening in the body under him.

"Natsu … _nnngh_ … Na- … _aaaaah_ … Natsu!"

He watched the pleasure on that face, felt the pulsing surges within his grip, and saw the arches of creamy white shooting out, ropes of cum showing the culmination of their love. Natsu could hardly help but follow him, plummeting over the edge. He slammed in hard, his nails clawed into the pale hips, and he groaned as he filled him … filling up that body … marking inside that ass … claiming his beloved mate.

His. All his! His alone!

"… Gray …"

* * *

Natsu jolted awake. His heart was racing, and it hurt his chest. He could hardly breathe fast enough. He felt exhausted, although he had just been asleep. What a dream!

Then he felt the inevitable wetness on his crotch. As he slowly peeled back the tangled sheets, he smelled the rank odor of semen.

"Dammit," he whispered.

He grabbed the covers in his fists, feeling angry, disappointed, and frustrated that his subconscious mind was giving him these sorts of dreams, fantasies of things he wanted so badly, things he desired more than anything—more than food and flames—but it was something he could never have.

In reality, Gray only tolerated him. Just because he had been a little more kind than usual today, just because he canceled his date with Juvia to stay by Natsu's side and keep him cooled off … just because he showed a smidgen of kindness, Natsu was having these dreams again.

"Dammit! Stop it!" he cursed under his breath, trying to fight the tears away as he rested his head on his folded knees. The smell of lust and the feel of that sticky wetness slowly drying were both shaming and blatant proof of the feelings burning in his heart.

Feelings he could never express.

Not when Gray now belonged to another.

"I can't have him, so don't torture me, dammit! I can't be with him." His voice cracked in a low whisper. "So just stop it already. I don't want these dreams. I don't want it if I can't have it." His shoulders shivered as he buried the tears. "I … want him … need him … so much. Gray…"

In the darkness, Happy watched Natsu as he sobbed and called out that name. The Exceed wished he could do something, but he had met Rei-chan in the hospital on her visit. She took him out to lunch the next day, bought him a fish, smiled pleasantly as she listened to him prattle about Natsu, questioned him about Natsu's friendship with Gray, and that was when he secretively told her about hearing Natsu sobbing Gray's name on nights just like this. Happy told her that seeing Natsu cry like this made him want to cry also. She consoled him, got him another fish—two fish! He liked her already—and warned Happy that he should not interfere. When it came to matters of love, the two individuals had to work things out for themselves. Outside interference could destroy absolutely everything.

Happy really hoped these two were not totally hopeless idiots. Lucy said she had a plan, but he wondered if she should really get involved.

**Next Chapter: "Matchmaker Mischief"**


	23. Matchmaker Mischief

_"With insufferable vanity had she believed herself in the secret of everybody's feelings; with unpardonable arrogance proposed to arrange everybody's destiny. She was proved to have been universally mistaken; and she had not quite done nothing — for she had done mischief."_  
_― Jane Austen, "Emma"_

 

* * *

Lucy whispered a final thing into Loke's ear. "Do you understand?"

"Of course," he smirked, but he began to caress her cheek. "However, nights out with boys doesn't really interest me. I would _much_ rather have a night out with _you_."

She slapped his hand away. "Loke, this is important."

He shrugged off her refusal. "I don't see why. Natsu and Gray have always been at each other's throats. Making them hang out together isn't going to change that."

"It's more than that," she whispered, taking a cautious look over to where Gray was sitting with Erza and Juvia, while Natsu was arm wrestling Gajeel. "It should only be the two of them, though. If you ask and others are around, more people might want to go and that defeats the purpose."

"What purpose is that?" Loke asked curiously.

Lucy did not say. She thought she had seen something more than friendship and rivalry between the two when Natsu was recovering. She had waited, watching, trying to figure out if Happy was right and there was something between them. So far, she had no clue still. Gray seemed fairly content with Juvia, and Natsu generally just ignored that Gray was around. The team had not taken any large missions, nothing that involved a lot of interaction between the two. Erza was trying to keep their missions simple for Natsu's sake, and Gray's leg was still getting stronger.

So far, the idea that Natsu was attracted to Gray, and that Gray might be romantically interested in Natsu, seemed preposterous.

"I win!" Natsu cheered, and Gajeel scowled while rubbing out his wrist.

At his shout, Gray looked around. Natsu had leaped onto the table and was doing a ridiculous victory dance while Gajeel screamed that this did not really count, he had hurt his hand punching some bandits on his last mission, and besides, he was going easy on Natsu. The Fire Dragon Slayer did not listen to such lame excuses. He made silly faces and danced on the table.

Lucy had to laugh, but just then she saw Gray. He was smiling, not rolling his eyes like Erza and most of the others. No, Gray had a smile, and … was that a blush?

Suddenly, Gray stood up and marched over to the table. "Get down from there before you fall on your head, sulfur-breath. It's my turn now." He sat where Gajeel had been and put up his elbow with his hand ready to grab.

Natsu stopped dancing and looked down. "You're left-handed. I feel like I'm taking advantage of you, wrestling your weaker arm."

"You'll feel like shit when I _beat you_ with my right arm," Gray grinned.

"Oh, hell no, popcicle pants!" Natsu jumped down and settled into his chair. "I'll beat you left or right."

"Then what if we do this my way?" Gray removed his right hand and put up his left. "If you can beat me left-handed, I'll buy you dinner."

"And if you win, I'll buy you a shirt to replace the one that's vanished, you pervy stripper."

They settled together, glaring at one another.

"Loke, go!" Lucy urged.

"Does it matter who wins?" he asked quietly.

"No, just make sure they go somewhere together, and follow the plan."

"Of course, princess," he smiled. Then Loke strode up to the table with Gray and Natsu. "Let's keep this fair, you two." He stopped to the side like a judge. "Keep both feet on the floor, no magic, no cheating."

"Strength alone," Gray agreed.

"Fine," Natsu shouted.

They grasped hands. Natsu could hardly believe how cold Gray's skin was, even on a hot day like today. His grip was strong, and his fingers were rough. He felt the calluses on the knuckles. This was Gray's stronger hand; Natsu could not give anything less than a hundred percent.

Gray was slightly shocked at the heat in Natsu's hand. It was like grabbing a hot teacup, almost painful yet also soothing. Although this was Natsu's left hand, he felt strength in it. He knew that a proper fighter strengthened their non-dominant arm even more than their dominant arm. This would not be an easy win, and he knew he could not underestimate Natsu's strength.

Loke placed his hand on top of theirs in preparation. "Ready?"

"Yosh!" Natsu grinned fiendishly.

Gray's eyes narrowed. "Bring it!"

Then Loke's hand yanked back. Instantly, both tensed up and muscles corded. Natsu felt the initial burst of strength from Gray as he hoped to end this quickly, but he was ready for it. Gray got an inch, but Natsu instantly pushed back.

For over a minute, they gritted and snarled, yet neither budged. Their hands shook and swayed, yet they never dipped down. Around them, the guild gathered to cheer them on, and Cana began to call out bets for who would win.

Lucy looked on, truly impressed. "They're totally equal in strength!"

Natsu already knew that he and Gray were equal. If they ever got a hint that the other was getting stronger, they also got stronger. Little things like arm wrestling hinted at their strength, and Gray knew Natsu was not going to lose easily.

They glared at each other, focused and determined. Another minute passed, the bets were getting louder, and people realized this would not be necessarily a battle of strength—they were equal there—but one of endurance. Natsu's keen ears heard that he was at a disadvantage in that, all because of his recent heart surgery. Sadly, as he felt his hand dipping, he realized they might be right. His heart was pounding as he kept up the strength.

"Lucy, bet on me," he shouted.

She jolted. She had not wanted to bet on either of them.

"Trust in me," Natsu grinned, staring right at Gray. "I'm about to win."

She nodded and shouted over to Cana, "A thousand Jewels on Natsu."

Gray pressed the Dragon Slayer's hand over a little more. "Don't you already cause Lucy enough financial problems when we have to use our reward money to pay for what you break?"

Natsu chuckled slyly. "This time, you'll be helping her with her rent, loser."

Gray felt bad for making Lucy lose her money, but he knew Natsu was weakening. He could always slip her back the money, since he heard Juvia put ten thousand on him winning.

Just then, a strange thing happened. Natsu's pinkie finger rubbed over his hand. Although all of his other fingers were in a deadlock, the pinkie caressed gently. Just as Gray felt confused, Natsu's eyes looked different, not glaring and peeved, but narrow and erotic. Then, just briefly, his lips puckered, and his eyebrow arched in a seductive way as he winked.

Gray froze up and utterly lost his concentration. In that split second of distraction, he felt his hand flipped backwards and slam into the table. Before he could figure out what just happened, Natsu leaped onto the table, howling in victory with an arc of flames firing off from his mouth toward the ceiling.

Gray had half a mind to protest that he cheated, except he had no clue how to explain to everyone else how just a pucker of lips and wink of the eye could cause him to lose his strength so utterly. He stared down at his hand. It felt so cold without Natsu's fingers, and he felt a chill as he realized he lost all because of those crazy feelings that had begun to take root in his heart.

Worst of all … how the hell did Natsu know he could win with just that? Gray glanced up cautiously, terrified that maybe …

Maybe…

Natsu _knew_!

Yet as the boy began his idiotic victory dance again, that dread faded. It would not have been the first time Natsu did stupid stuff to gain a victory. That was how he fought, recklessly and chaotic.

It was just the first time Gray ever fell for one of his tricks.

And now he felt like an idiot. His head lowered, and his bangs shielded his eyes from the looks his fellow guildmates were giving him as they wondered why Gray had so suddenly lost. At least it appeared that no one saw what Natsu had done.

No one but Loke! He had been standing right beside the table to watch for cheating, and he saw the pinkie touch, the provocative look, and the blown kiss. He had a silent smile as he realized why Lucy had put together her little plan.

"Gray, you owe Natsu a meal," he said. "How about I go with you? Someone has to keep you from killing each other."

"O-oh," Gray said, pulling himself out of his depression at losing. "I figured me and Juvia, and maybe Natsu and Lucy…"

Loke placed a hand on Gray's shoulder. "Lucy is mine for tonight," he said with a wink.

Gray looked up in shock. "Seriously? You and her?"

Loke nodded proudly. Well, maybe it was not the way Gray imagined, but Lucy had called him out to do a big favor, so Loke planned on having her thank him by at least bestowing him the honor of taking her out to eat, or maybe giving her a foot rub, or if he was really lucky, allowing him to scrub her back as she took a bath. Perhaps that was wishful thinking, but a guy could dream.

"But still," Gray protested, glancing around the crowd, "Juvia…"

Natsu leaped off the table. "Juvia shouldn't be around your sorry ass."

Out of nowhere, Juvia had her arms wrapped possessively around Gray. "Juvia would always want to be around Gray-sama's ass."

He cringed at her tight grip. "N-no, maybe … look, I just have to feed him." He smiled at Juvia and gave her a peck on the cheek. "I'll take you out to a proper dinner tomorrow."

Juvia just about melted, and Natsu folded his arms with a surly scowl. Loke caught the look of jealousy on his face and pieced together even more about just why Lucy wanted to hook these two up for a night. Something was definitely going on, but Loke could not figure out precisely what it was, not with their waffling love/hate reactions to one another.

"Just the three of us," Loke declared. "Gray, we haven't had a chance to talk in a long time, and Natsu, I want to hear all about what Lucy has been up to."

He took both by the shoulders and led them out with Happy following. Lucy watched, hardly able to believe it was turning out so well already. Suddenly, Juvia was up in her face.

"Gray-sama won't lose next time," she declared.

"Uh … um … s-sure," Lucy laughed nervously.

"At least you're not a love rival anymore."

Lucy muttered, "I never was, you know."

"You're way more interested in Loke."

Lucy blinked in confusion. "Wait … _What?_ " she screamed, but Juvia was already walking away with a smile.

* * *

Loke was stuck between Gray and Natsu. To the left, he was freezing with the chill radiating off the ice wizard, and to the right he felt like his suit might catch on fire from Natsu's heat. How Lucy put up with these two, he'll never know!

"So, where do you want to eat, Natsu?" he asked to break the silence.

Natsu glanced around. They were in the main avenue with many shops and cafés around. Then he saw 8-Island. He remembered working there at the original restaurant in Hargeon … before he got in trouble for eating the food meant for customers.

"There," he pointed.

Gray had to admit, it was good food, although a little pricey since every dish was made with magic. They went inside and were surprised to see familiar faces.

Jenny Realight sauntered up wearing the 8-Island waitress outfit and looking as provocative as only Miss Fiore could be.

"Welcome to 8-Island, gentlemen," she practically purred. "Gray, Natsu, Happy … and you're Leo the Lion, right?"

"Please," the ginger said, picking up her hand and kissing it gallantly. "Call me Loke."

"A table for four?" she asked, politely ignoring his flirtations. Jenny was used to it.

She led them back to a seat. The restaurant was busy but not fully packed at this time of day. On their way, they saw Hibiki and Ren also busing tables.

"So, Blue Pegasus is helping out Yajima," Gray muttered.

"Yajima-san has a new dessert that fits with Eve's specialty: Snowflake Soufflé. You should learn the recipe, Gray," she said brightly.

"Yeah, I'll talk with Eve," Gray decided. "Hey, I'll order that. I'm curious, and it sounds good. I also want that peach iced tea. That was good the last time I was here."

"Any other specials?" asked Loke.

She handed them menus, and Natsu instantly turned to the page with meaty dinners. "Well, there is a great lavender and strawberry salad that Ichiya prepares. It smells heavenly. The holly soda is the special drink of the day, and we have a rosemary and peppercorn gravy roast beef—"

"Ooh, I'll have that," Natsu shouted. "Beef!"

Happy spoke up, "What's the fish special?"

Jenny leaned over, breasts almost popping out of her outfit—Loke eyed them with an approving smile—and she sweetly pointed to the Exceed's menu. "I think you'll really love the crusted basil salmon. Ichiya has his own special seasoning."

Happy looked up in horror.

"Oh, nothing weird," she assured quickly. "It's all herbal with just a bit of magic to bring out the smell. I had his salmon at Blue Pegasus. It truly is divine," she sighed.

"I guess…" Happy muttered. Knowing Ichiya was the chef was a little disconcerting.

"I'll have that as well," Loke decided, "also with catnip tea."

Happy perked up. "Catnip tea?" he shouted. "Yes, that!"

"Uh-oh," Natsu muttered.

Jenny smiled over to Natsu. "Anything to drink for you?"

He flipped the menu to the drink selection. Jenny moved over and leaned next to him to point out the drinks. For one moment, Natsu's eyes shifted to those large breasts. Maybe most men would be enamored by a woman like Jenny Realight, yet Natsu could only compare those breasts to others he knew. Lucy's were still bigger, and Mira's were perkier. They were not of much interest otherwise.

Why was he not aroused by breasts? He used to be. He was once obsessed with the thought of touching boobs. Was it because of these feelings he had begun to have, these weird desires?

His eyes lifted and looked at Gray. He had almost stripped off his shirt, and Loke stopped him. Now, Gray's shirt hung unbuttoned and open, exposing his taut chest, the guild crest, and the hills of abdominal muscles. Somehow, that broad, hard chest was more arousing than these plump breasts being flaunted practically right in his face.

"I'll … um … I'll have … that." He pointed to something at random.

"Excellent! Thank you, sirs," Jenny beamed. "Your meals will be right up."

They did not really speak much as they waited for their food, but finally Gray said something just to clarify their bet.

"Look, I'll pay for your food," he said to Natsu, "but we never agreed on Happy eating as well. I'm tight on money, ya know."

"I'll pay for Happy," Natsu assured.

"And I'm obviously paying for mine," Loke said just to make that clear.

"Fine," Gray grumbled. "That was a cheap move you made, though."

"Huh?" asked Natsu.

"Arm wrestling. I _had_ you!"

"And you lost me," Natsu shrugged. "That's what happens when you get distracted."

Gray felt a bitter sting. _He had him … and he lost him … getting distracted._ Juvia's face came to mind. He liked Juvia a lot, she was a wonderful girlfriend, but part of Gray constantly felt guilty that he had asked her out because he needed to escape from this confusion. He needed time to sort it out, figure what he wanted. It had been a few months, and still he was confused, more now than ever.

He looked up at Natsu as the Dragon Slayer put a spoon on his nose and showed Happy.

He could lose Natsu…

Gray shook his head. Lose him? He never had him! There was nothing to even have, let alone lose.

Natsu shifted, and his foot tapped against Gray's under the table. It jolted Gray out of his thoughts.

"Oh! Sorry," Natsu said absently. "Hey Happy, try this."

Gray glared down at his silverware. He was being too self-conscious now. Natsu was distracting him, and … these weird thoughts … why were they bothering him so much lately? The dread he felt when Natsu collapsed, the nagging fear of losing him eternally, and now, what Natsu said … He felt like grabbing the fire-headed idiot and shielding him in ice to make sure nothing else bad ever happened to him.

Hibiki swooshed over with their drinks on a tray, gracefully setting each cup down. His years being the princely host of Blue Pegasus really showed in the way he waited on tables. Gray sipped his peach tea, and something faintly grassy and minty was given to Loke and Happy. Then Natsu's drink arrived.

It was huge! And it was smoking. They all gawked at what looked like a volcano in a punch bowl.

"What the hell is that?" Gray muttered. He hated to admit it, but it actually looked pretty cool.

Natsu took a cautious sip. "Not bad," he decided.

Hibiki told them, "8-Island's specialty: Island Volcano Vortex. Wait for it," he grinned.

They heard gurgling in the punch bowl, and suddenly the liquid spiraled up like a tornado with smoke oozing from the bowl.

"Whoa! Cool!" Natsu cheered.

"Drink it when it's in the air and the taste is different," Hibiki said. "Hurry, Natsu."

The Dragon Slayer grabbed his straw and sipped out of the twisting vortex. "Oh … my … God, that is incredible!" he exclaimed. "Gray, you gotta try this."

He handed his straw over. Gray looked down at the straw Natsu had just used. An indirect kiss!

"Hurry, before the vortex shrinks," Natsu urged.

Gray had no time to fuss over silly things like sharing straws. He put it to his mouth and sipped the liquid just as it began to lower back into the bowl, getting just enough to fill his mouth.

"Oh, wow!" he whispered. "I've never tasted something like that."

"Shall I get straws to share?" Hibiki offered.

Gray was about to accept, but Natsu blurted out, "Nah, Gray and I can share one. He's so cold, he'd freeze any cooties on him."

Gray choked up. Sharing … a straw? Wasn't that going too far?

The fact that Happy was giggling into his paws did not help. Then again, Loke was also giggling.

"Catnip tea," Loke explained. "Gives me the giggles. Sorry. Tee-hee!"

Happy nodded. "Catnip, catnip!"

"Happy, no flying," Natsu warned. "You know how you are on catnip."

"Nooooo flyyyyying," he sang. He took a big sip of the tea. "I love you, Natsu!"

"Huh? Already?" Natsu asked, and he sniffed the tea. "Whoa! That's some strong stuff."

Loke suddenly collapsed over onto Gray's arm. "I loooove you, Gray."

Gray cringed away. If he was gay, would something like this appeal to him? Wouldn't Loke practically cuddling his arm turn him on? Yet it did nothing. Did that mean he was not gay? This was so confusing!

"Hey," Natsu shouted. "Get off of Gray!"

The ice wizard jolted and looked up. What was with that flaming glare? Why would Natsu even care if Loke was reacting weird to the catnip?

"Awww, I love you, too, Natsu," Loke slurred.

Now it was Gray who felt like his ice might crackle all through the restaurant, and he had to hold himself back. Loke was just reacting to a weird drink.

Still … how would he feel if Natsu found someone who loved him? What if it was Loke? Apparently, those two went to a strip club together. What if … _more_ happened that day? What even _did_ happen? Gray cursed under his breath at all of these mixed-up feelings.

Happy giggled and suddenly toppled over onto the floor, rolling around happily.

"Happy!" Natsu cried out. "Hey, what did you guys give him? He's never reacted this badly."

"Gray, Gray," Loke said, smothering him and pawing as if he wanted to climb up into his lap. "I have fluffy hair, right? You'd wanna pet my hair, right?"

Gray yanked his hand back. "No, I do _not_ want to pet your hair."

Loke looked hurt and suddenly yowled, "Whyyyyyy noooooooot?"

"What the hell is going on?" Gray cringed.

"Oh my gosh!" Jenny suddenly came running up to their table. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! You got a special pot of the super-catnip espresso tea. It was something Ichiya was saving for Nichiya."

"That weird looking Exceed?" Gray asked.

Jenny looked distressed and she knelt beside Happy. "This is my fault. I grabbed the wrong pot. He's going to be out of it for a few hours. I can have him sent to the Fairy Tail guild. Someone needs to watch over him while he's affected. And … Loke?"

Loke was obscenely smothering Gray's arm.

"Seriously, get off me!" Gray cried out, trying to shove Loke away as he leaned in for a kiss.

"Pet meeeeeeee," Loke whined. "I'm fluffy."

Jenny blushed at the two. "That's … um…"

Natsu sighed. Catnip tea was never a good idea. "Yeah, send Happy to Fairy Tail. Wendy can help him. Loke, maybe you should go back to the Spirit World."

"Hungry!" he loudly protested, suddenly pulling away from Gray and sitting straight up in his seat. "I want fish. Fish, fish, fish!" He began to pound on the table.

"Fish, fish, fiiiiishehehehe," Happy tried to join in, but he fell into giggles.

"Yikes! Quiet down," Gray hissed, looking around nervously as people were beginning to stare.

"Gray?" Loke suddenly flopped over onto his lap. "Hold me!"

"Ack!" he cried out.

"You're the only one who loves me, Gray." He grabbed around the half-naked torso.

"I am so sorry," Jenny said again. "Happy, Nichiya is here. He came for the tea, but … well, he'll help you back to your guild. I've packed your meal up to go."

The strange-faced yellow and orange Exceed came forward with an 8-Island to-go bag. Happy sedately went where he was led, talking about fish and fairies and declaring he loved everyone around him.

"Loke!" Gray yelled with the ginger still lying on his lap. "That's … don't … don't nuzzle _there!_ "

Natsu bolted up, leaned over the table, and yanked Loke up by his tie. He glared at the Celestial Spirit and quietly warned, "Watch it!"

Loke grinned foppishly. "Yer cute when yer angry." He bolted forward, bit Natsu on the nose, and flopped back down onto his chair. "Marked you," he sang. "I'mma Lion, an' I marked youuuu!"

"Marked?" Gray raged. "Natsu, what the hell does he mean?"

Natsu was rubbing off the saliva that got onto his nose. "Beats me. He's drugged up."

Jealous rage burned in Gray's heart. The idea of Natsu being marked, claimed, desired by someone else, infuriated him.

"Fish!" Loke said again.

"Yes, your meals are just about done," Jenny said. "I truly am sorry. Happy's and Loke's meals will be free as an apology."

"Free fish!" Loke whooped. "Gray, Gray! I'mma gettin' a free fish."

Gray yanked away again. "That's … great. Hey Natsu, mind if I sit with you?"

"I don't blame you," Natsu grumbled. Just then, his drink exploded again into a vortex. "Hurry, Gray! The straw!"

Gray shuffled over to where Happy had been sitting next to Natsu and used the straw to sip the liquid tornado. Immediately, not even wiping it off, Natsu grabbed the straw and also took a sip. For a moment, their cheeks were close enough to touch.

Across from them, Loke stopped acting like he was strongly affected by the tea—it was definitely a powerful brew, enough to get him tipsy, but he was a Celestial Spirit; it took more than catnip to make him _that_ bad. He watched the two, and for a moment he saw precisely what Lucy must have seen. These two were being stubborn, and by the blushes and flinches they sometimes had at awkward moments, they were still figuring things out; however, they were definitely attracted to one another.

Plates arrived, more apologies were given, and finally they settled into dinner. They ate their meals, and they all agreed it had incredible flavors and unique aromas. They told Hibiki and Jenny to send their compliments to Ichiya and Eve. Then, in the middle of the meal, Loke jolted.

"Ah! Lucy is calling me." He shoveled the last of his fish into his mouth and slapped down some Jewel notes. "Pay for me. Keep the change." After gulping down the last of his tea, he vanished.

"Wait!" Gray cried out. "The … the meal was supposed to be free."

Natsu shrugged. "Give the money to Lucy. She can give it back to Loke."

Gray tucked the money away and took another bite of his soufflé. It was quiet now, and with just the two of them sitting in a booth with thighs touching, Gray realized this was really weird now.

"I'm worried," he admitted.

"Yeah, me too," Natsu frowned. "What should we do?"

Gray looked at the table, then around the restaurant, and hummed.

* * *

Instantly, Loke was by Lucy's side. She was in the courtyard in front of the guild, and the party inside could clearly be heard. The sky had gotten dark and purple with the sunset, and the stars just beginning to twinkle made Lucy's golden hair glow. In Loke's eyes, she was angelic. Maybe it was a little of the catnip tea putting a haze to his vision, too.

"How were they?" she asked eagerly.

"Sitting together, sharing a straw, not realizing how many indirect kisses they were sharing," Loke reported with a sly smile. "So, you were hoping to hook Natsu up with Gray. And to think," he chuckled, "you used to have a crush on that hothead."

She gasped and began to blush. "Did not!"

"Oh yes you did!" Loke smirked knowingly. "You turned me down so many times because of him. Don't think I won't forgive you for doing that," he teased slyly. "Maybe this will actually work and you can put him out of your mind."

"Of course it'll work! And Natsu isn't even in my mind," she insisted. "I was worried about Happy getting between them, but then he was carried home. Seriously, what happened?"

"A fortuitous accident," Loke shrugged lightly, and he stepped up close to her. "One I shared in, and maybe I shouldn't have gulped that tea so quickly because _damn_ you look good enough to eat!"

Lucy took a stunned step back. "W-wait … Loke?"

"Catnip tea, sorry," he laughed, realizing he really should not have gulped the last of it. He rubbed out his brow and giggled. "Wow, it's doing something to my head."

She came back forward with a look of concern and peered into his eyes. "Are you okay? Your pupils are huge. You look drugged up."

He gazed down at her face in the moonlight. Seriously, she was gorgeous. "I'm perfectly fine now," he whispered softly. "Lucy, I am so lucky to have you as my master."

She blushed and looked away. "You're not perfectly fine. You're stoned on catnip."

"A release of inhibitions," he shrugged. "It just means I can tell you the things I always want to but hold myself back."

"Loke, you _never_ hold yourself back from flirting."

"Of course I do, especially around you," he declared, sounding hurt. "Lucy…" He caressed her face. "If I were to say all the things I want to say about your beauty, I would sing your praises night and day until eternity ends. Believe me, I have to restrain myself if I want to remain a gentleman. Tonight, I feel a bit … wild. Can I have just one kiss?"

"Whoa! You really are drugged up." She tried to turn away.

Loke wrapped an arm around her and pulled her back. "Maybe I am, but I feel this way about you every day. I want you … all the time," he sighed wistfully, his face nearing hers. "Do you hate me for that?"

Lucy began to blush fiercely. "I … don't hate you."

"Have you never wanted this?" he asked, getting even closer.

She looked up to him. She would be lying if she said no. Loke was her Spirit and her friend, but she felt jealous when he flirted with other girls, and she got butterflies in her stomach when his attention turned to her.

"I still want you as my wife, you know," he said softly. She huffed that he was going overboard again. "That can wait. First, just … a kiss. I want just that. You're gorgeous under the stars, and I want to capture this moment."

Lucy trembled, yet his arms were warm and his face relaxed. His eyes enchanted her as they gleamed behind his glasses. Slowly, she leaned into him, he tenderly tilted her head up, and their lips touched.

"Lucy!"

She yanked away just as Natsu and Gray raced through the gates of the guild. They stopped sharply as they saw Loke and Lucy embracing.

"Whoa!" Natsu cried out. "Um … wow, sorry."

Gray also looked awkward. "We got worried since you called Loke. We figured if you were summoning him, it must have been a really dangerous enemy. We … um … we didn't realize."

Lucy shoved Loke away. "It's not what it seems!"

"Go home, you two," Loke smirked, pulling Lucy back in. "We're busy."

"No, it's … it's not…" She was bright red, not wanting to lie but mortified that she got caught.

"We left without paying," Natsu admitted. "We'll head back and clear that up. You two … well … have fun together." Then both he and Gray took off.

After a minute of walking back toward 8-Island, Gray muttered, "Awkward!"

"Totally," Natsu agreed. "Good for her, though."

Gray looked over sharply. "Aren't you and Lucy…?"

Natsu hummed in curiosity. "Aren't we what?"

"You know! A _thing_."

"A couple? No, we're not like that at all. We've never been."

"Don't you like her?"

"Of course. As a friend."

Gray fell silent. He had thought for sure Natsu had a thing for Lucy. Then again, she once said she thought of Natsu as a brother. However, the person Natsu liked had also said that Natsu was like a brother. How many people thought of Natsu that way?

_'I do, but it can't be me … can it?'_

They came to the restaurant, bowed in apology, but the Trimens were understanding. They were wizards, and emergencies happened. Gray used the money Loke had thoughtlessly laid out to pay for his free meal, and he used all of it as a large tip to make amends for them rushing off. He also paid for Natsu's meal, like they agreed, and Natsu thanked them for giving him Happy's meal for free.

They stepped back out into the evening with take-out bags of their unfinished meals. They stood together for a moment, unsure what to do next.

"So … um…"

Before Gray could suggest anything, Natsu interrupted. "I need to go check on something. Thanks for the meal."

"Hey, you won it. Although I still think that was cheating."

Natsu smirked at him. "Why did you react so poorly?" He left the question hanging and raced off, leaving Gray stunned and questioning the same thing to himself.

"Whatever," he grumbled. Gray shrugged it off and headed home, slightly disappointed that his chance at spending a night out with Natsu, with Loke around to make things less awkward, was ruined.

Natsu returned to the guild to see Loke and Lucy truly kissing now, no more coyness, their arms wrapped around one another while hums of sensual delight filled the air, punctuated with smacks of lips and slurps of tongue. He cleared his throat and approached as the two scurried apart. Lucy did not even try to stutter her way out of this one. There was no point after getting caught twice.

"Lucy," Natsu glowered, holding back his emotions. "This whole evening was a set-up, wasn't it? Having Loke take us out to dinner? Gray could have just bought me a meal at the guild. I heard you two talking earlier. I knew something was up. But then calling him, having him leave us, together and alone?" His voice lowered ominously. "You can't force two people into having a date."

She gasped and tried to think how she could refute that accusation.

"Don't interfere again," he warned her sternly. "Gray is dating Juvia, and I respect that."

"But Natsu," Lucy said sadly. "I know already. I can tell. Gray is the one you love."

He sneered bitterly. "That's _why_ I can't betray his friendship. He's happy with Juvia, and I won't take that happiness away from him."

"What about your own happiness?"

Natsu stared at her, but no arguments came to his mind. From the start of this, he had only been thinking about what Gray needed. First it was to keep Gray happy through his depression, then to heal him before he agreed to amputation, and now it was again to keep him happy as he got on with his life after that near-death tragedy.

What about his own happiness? Natsu never thought about that. He was not even sure what would make him happy. He had been telling himself that he was happy if Gray was happy, yet … this was not making him happy at all. What would bring him bliss was something that could hurt Gray, and that was something Natsu could never do.

"My happiness can wait," he said softly. Natsu turned sharply and left in anger and frustration.

Loke raced down the street after him. "Natsu! Natsu, wait!"

Natsu swirled around and screamed, "I swear, Loke, if you try to kiss me like you tried to kiss Gray, I will _burn_ you!"

"Whoa," he cried, backing off as flames flickered from the Dragon Slayer's body. "I was just teasing a bit. I wanted to see your reactions, that's all. Lucy didn't really tell me anything, so I was trying to figure it out for myself."

"Oh yeah? And what'd you figure out?" he snapped.

Loke gave him a pitying smile and shrugged. "That you're desperate for love."

Natsu sneered at him. "No more strip clubs."

"No! That's not what I mean. I mean _love_ , not a fling. Hey, I'm sorry if that day was totally wrong for you. Really, I was just trying to help. I didn't know you were gay."

"I'm not," Natsu immediately protested. "That is, I … I'm apparently bisexual. I'm not sure."

"Not sure?" Loke asked.

"Well, this is … new." Liking boys was a new concept. He had grown up hearing that boys were supposed to like girls, and he had thought about many girls in the past. Fantasizing over a man was a recent development. "I guess I have to thank you for hooking me up with Rei-chan."

"R- … Rei-chan?" He had to think about that name. "Oh, right! At the Pussy Palace."

"Yeah. Thanks to her, I know what to do if I get an opportunity, but most importantly, she helped me to realize that I have to be patient and wait for that opportunity to happen. I can't force it, and I can't hurt Gray's feelings just to satisfy my own."

Loke was impressed by such an attitude, especially for someone notoriously childish like Natsu. "That's really mature of you."

Natsu scoffed softly. "I wish it was me being mature. I just realized that Rei-chan was right. You can't force someone to love you, and manipulating them into romance isn't loving. It's selfish and shows only lust. Igneel once warned me that dragons have an issue with lusting over treasures and hoarding things; you could say it's a natural weakness. Between what he told me when I was a kid and what Rei-chan told me, I realize that I can't force these … these _feelings_ onto Gray, especially when he's dating someone else. Then it's lust and not love. I don't want this to be just lust. I still don't really know what it is, but I want it to be love."

Loke smiled with pride and patted Natsu's shoulder. "Often when a man gives up something special because he hopes to make someone else happy, that's love. I wish you luck. If you want, we can hang out some more tonight, talk about the ways of the heart. I'm an expert in love, gender regardless."

"Nah," Natsu laughed. Talking about emotions was not really his thing, and just saying this much was embarrassing and awkward. "I'm gonna call it a night. Hang out with Lucy. Maybe take her to that restaurant. No more catnip tea!"

He strolled away, meaning to head home. Instead, Natsu found himself walking by Gray's apartment. He saw the upper story window open and a light on, shining yellow beams into the evening darkness. He was curious if Gray was home, maybe he was bored, perhaps he could hang out for a little while. Not thinking too closely about it, he leaped up a tree across the street just to peek inside. He decided that was a better idea than simply jumping in through the window, something that usually winded up with him getting thoroughly chewed out by Lucy.

Perched in a tall elm, he had a clear view of the bedroom. Sure enough, Gray was home … and naked … in bed … stroking himself.

Natsu froze as he saw the scene. Sure, he was a guy, he had plenty of experience with this scenario, but he was momentarily shocked that Gray did this in bed. Natsu normally did stuff like this in the shower. That was the trouble of sleeping with a roommate. If he tried this in bed with Happy around … well, that happened once, and he had a heck of a time explaining some excuse to the clueless cat.

Also, Gray seemed to be reading, until he turned the magazine to the side and a centerfold dropped down. Natsu could not read what it was, but he saw some scantly clad woman on the front cover. One of _those_ magazines! Natsu had never actually owned one, but Elfman once showed him his porn magazine, the two of them huddled together and keeping an eye out for Mira as they gawked in wonder at the naked women. Then, when he turned fifteen, Gildarts let him "borrow" his own special _Boobie Bonanza_ edition, although Natsu threw the porn mag back to the old man and shouted at him in mortification. Seriously, he did _not_ want to know what Gildarts did while looking through those pages.

He knew it should not be too shocking to have a magazine like that, but why was Gray doing this with his curtains pulled back and his window wide open for anyone to hear him? Did Gray _like_ the idea that someone might see him? Was he really an exhibitionist after all?

Natsu almost wanted to get closer. Gray seemed to be talking to himself, but from the tree Natsu heard nothing more than an airy mumbling. He could only watch as Gray trailed his fingers up and down his shaft in lazy strokes. It seemed like he wanted to take his time with this, not like Natsu's frantic jerks before the shower went cold.

Gray set the magazine aside and used his other hand to run up his torso, to his chest, and tweak a nipple. Natsu's throat went dry as he watched. He had once listened in on Gray in the bath, and now he remembered those sounds: the moans, the heavy breathing, how Gray tended to talk to himself while doing this. He saw those parched lips moving, speaking to some invisible succubus. He could almost make out syllables, nothing clear enough to understand. Then teeth clenched as something he did made his spine arch up.

Natsu realized that this was the perfect opportunity to watch Gray, to observe how he liked to touch himself, so that when it was his time to pleasure the Ice-Make wizard— _if_ that time ever came—he would know what Gray liked. He watched, barely breathing, and his blazing eyes took in every touch, every reaction, every expression that passed over Gray's face.

Gray suddenly clenched his hair, looking frustrated. He grabbed the magazine again, looked at it, tried to stroke himself, but then he tossed the porn-filled pages aside in something Natsu thought might be anger. Maybe it was a boring magazine. In any case, he kept stroking, and soon the tension lessened in his face. He began to give himself long, full strokes, arching his hips up into his own fist.

Feeling an intense tingle, Natsu reached down to adjust himself, only to realize he was getting hard. He looked down at the tenting in his pants, then up at Gray. Just watching Gray touch himself, and the excitement of realizing he was watching without Gray's permission, was making him incredibly turned on. This was … something … Erza had a name for it, but Natsu couldn't remember. It was something perverted, but at that moment, Natsu didn't care! It was like Gray was putting on a show, _wanting_ to be watched. Natsu felt like the open window and withdrawn curtains were Gray's silent permission to gaze upon that impeccable body and worship it.

Gray flinched a bit at the touches to his chest, so he sucked on his fingers. He thrust those fingers into his mouth, lapping his tongue around them, pressing them in deep, fingerfucking his face, and Natsu gulped hard.

Holy shit, that was hot! What was it like, thrusting into that mouth? He found his hand palming himself in time to Gray's fingers.

"Gray," he whispered, creeping a little closer on the tree branch. "Show me. Show me how you like it."

Finally, Gray pulled the fingers out, and strings of saliva dripped back onto his lips. He let his fingers trail over his skin, leaving shiny wetness in their path. Then he rubbed the drenched fingers around his nipple. That made him visibly shudder. He stroked it, flicked it, and began to softly tug on it. Natsu could faintly hear a groan, something he was sure no one else could hear, only his good ears let him.

Natsu gulped and rubbed himself through his pants. He began to hump up against the branch he was on, letting it rub out some of the friction he needed. He stared enthralled at the faces Gray was making. He imagined what he was saying.

_'Touch me, Natsu. I want your hands. Lick it. Please, Natsu. More!'_

He gulped again, breathing hard, salivating as he caught a whiff through that open window, sweet and sensual, the smell of snow, forests, sweat, and pre-cum. His thighs tensed. He wanted Gray! He wanted…

Somewhere down the road, a dog barked and a cat hissed as it jumped up onto a trash barrel. Natsu snapped out of his reverie. He suddenly realized where he was, up in a tree in a residential area where anyone could glance up and see him. He was totally acting like a perverted peeping tom! He yanked his hand away from his groin and sneered in disgust. How could he let himself do something like this in public?

Then he looked up. Gray was still in the throes of self-pleasure, but now Natsu looked away. He could not be that rude to Gray. Overhearing him was one thing, but watching him … he couldn't!

This was lust, and Natsu wanted it to be love. Gray deserved love, not the craving and hoarding emotions that clambered in Natsu's mind.

He leaped down and walked away with the image of Gray's naked body burned into his mind. Natsu's feet went faster, sped up, and then broke into a run. He sneered into the night as he ran away from the emotions and desires.

"Dammit!" he shouted into the wind.

He ran all the way back home, threw open the door, and slammed it shut behind him. In petulant frustration, he collapsed onto his bed.

What was love, anyway? Was this merely lust? Could lust be part of love? Was that okay?

"This is too frustrating," he growled.

He knew he could talk to Rei-chan, but Gray did not like that; besides, Natsu had begun to feel guilty for always going to her to help him through these moments. He realized that both Erza and Lucy had figured out about his feelings, but like hell could he talk to a girl about how his body reacted toward Gray. Loke said he could help, but Natsu was still a bit mad at the flirtatious Lion for smothering Gray.

What if that was why Gray was jerking off? What if he was turned on by Loke? That idea made Natsu's stomach twist. It was bad enough that Gray was dating Juvia, but if he was interested in another man … somehow, that was far worse.

Natsu felt trapped with these emotions, unable to vent them, unable to act on them, and deeply guilty whenever he gave in.

Still, there was nothing to do but accept what his body wanted. He sat in bed in the same position Gray had been in and shucked his pants down to free his cock. He was still half-hard despite running home, but as soon as the cool night air hit his skin, he imagined that was how Gray's breath would feel, blowing softly against his dick, and immediately he began to stiffen.

He had not outright masturbated in bed in years, and it was different than standing in the shower. He closed his eyes, remembering the way Gray had looked, and he began to stroke himself with those same lazy touches. The fingers would be cold, though. Not much he could do about his hot hands.

One problem with doing it in bed instead of the shower was his dry, rough skin. It hurt having that much friction on him, so he reached over to his nightstand. He had lotion, nothing fancy, Lisanna gave it to him a few winters ago when Natsu's skin kept cracking from the cold. He squirted some onto his hand and rubbed it onto his cock to make this easier. As soon as he stroked down, he felt the difference and moaned softly.

He had no dirty magazines, but he had to only think of Gray, of how he looked during their meal, of sharing that straw, their cheeks together, laughing and enjoying the moment without any awkwardness. It had felt so natural, sitting with Gray and eating together. It almost felt like a date, with Loke as merely a chaperon.

He thought of them sitting in that booth, thighs pressed together, elbows bumping as they ate. He knew the feel of that skin. He had lifted Gray out of the bath, wet and dripping, skin soft, chilled, yet muscular under the pliant skin. Gray's hand had been so chilly and rough during their arm wrestling.

He had only meant to tease Gray a little with that wink and kiss. He never expected Gray to completely lose his strength just from that.

What if that meant something?

Natsu doubted it, but he liked to imagine. What if Gray gave him a wink back? What if he nodded to Natsu tomorrow morning, motioning with his head to follow him, led him back into the guild hallways, back to the storage room? What if Gray kissed him there, thrust Natsu up against the shelves, nabbed his wrists and pinned him to the wall with his hips?

Natsu spread his legs, his feet planted down, the same position Gray had been in. Like that, he realized he could thrust up into his hand. It was an incredible feeling, his hips tensing and relaxing, more physical than just moving his wrist. He began to thrust up, fucking his fist and sweating with the exertion.

The storage room fantasy turned into a bedroom, or maybe a hotel, who cared! It was Natsu pinning Gray down now, pressing his wrists into the pillow, nipping at his neck, licking his nipples, grinding up against him as their hips gave mutual thrusts against one another.

"Gray…" he moaned.

The dream from a few days ago returned to him, taking Gray, having him surrender, begging, pleading to be filled. In the dream, Natsu had entered Gray, thrusting into that tight ass, and listened to the cries of pleasure.

It blended into the fact that he was doing this while Gray was doing the same thing. It was mutual masturbation, in a remote sort of way. He and Gray were, in essence, jerking off together. That connection made this better. His heels pressed down into the mattress, and his toes curled in building tension. His fist clenched his sheet as he slipped into more fantasies.

If they could be together, they could touch each other, stroke off one another, sitting just like this. Those cold hands could be on him, while his hands warmed up Gray's cock, stroking each other, staring at each other, watching every gasp of pleasure, and when they were close, when they were ready, to rub their cocks together, frotting against each other, both wet with dripping pre-cum, both sweaty and reeking of pheromones, the aroma of sweat and lust everywhere. Right as they were both on the cusp, Natsu would kiss Gray, grab him, claim that mouth, those moans, all of that lust, _hoard_ it like the dragon he was.

His! His mate!

Natsu snapped. His breath ratcheted, grinding higher and higher in growls turning into howls, all beastly and wild. He completely forgot to grab tissues. He came onto his stomach, splattering onto his skin. He panted deeply, his head buzzing and his body thrumming with the visions gradually fading.

Slowly, time resumed. His body sagged, and his breath evened out. Natsu kept stroking himself, milking it all, lingering in the pleasure.

He should probably head back to the guild to fetch Happy.

Or he could wait a few minutes and do this again.

He decided, he liked doing this in bed, because it was how Gray did it.

A small, horny, curious part of him wished he had stayed in that tree to see precisely how Gray looked, how he did it, and what he liked to do. Still, Natsu knew that he would probably jerk off a lot more to the memory of those few voyeuristic minutes.

Maybe this was lust. Maybe it was love. He didn't know. He realized though, Gray was the one who made his body react like this. Big breasted women didn't, handsome men like Loke didn't. Only Gray.

Only … Gray.

**Next Chapter: "Rainfall"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Catnip tea is a nod to my LoLu fic “[Box of ‘Nip](http://archiveofourown.org/works/447069/chapters/765288).” In one scene, Loke and Happy share some catnip tea … with comical results._


	24. Rainfall

_"If I were rain,_  
_That joins sky and earth that otherwise never touch,_  
_Could I join two hearts as well?"_  
_― Tite Kubo_

 

* * *

Natsu felt better by mid-summer, and Gray's strength had vastly improved. They raced each other a few times a week, no matter where they were heading. If it was just out to the guild pool, they were even. If it was out to a café in town, Natsu was usually faster, but if it was a long distance, like to the train station, Natsu had to quit running before he even reached there, finding himself gasping for air. Gray was still slow and his leg felt fatigued; Natsu lost his breath far quicker than he normally would and felt hesitant to push himself whenever he felt tightness in his chest. They both had healing to endure.

Still, nothing could stop these two opposites anymore. They were liberated from the confines of convalescence, they felt more comfortable around one another than they had been in almost a year, and they were determined to make up for lost time. They argued, they brawled, they laughed and went on missions. It was like the old days, their team reunited, everyone happy and working together.

Then Juvia would come over and give Gray a kiss. Natsu always diverted his eyes. It still hurt to see them together.

"Are you and Juvia in love?" he asked Gray one day when it was just the two of them practicing magic up on a hillside outside of town.

Gray looked over in surprise. "Well, we're dating."

"That doesn't necessarily mean you're in love." He had never told Gray that he heard what the ice wizard said in the hospital, that he had never been in love before, and Gray refused to let Natsu be his first love. He always felt bad about that. Juvia was obviously enamored with Gray. If Gray was using her just so he would not be in love…

_'It's not like he'd ever fall in love with me, anyway.'_

"We … um…" Gray glanced around sharply. "Is she nearby?" he whispered.

Natsu took a deep sniff. "Just us."

"She's a sweetheart," Gray said hesitantly, "but … how can I put it? I really care for her but … I just don't … not really and truly…"

Natsu looked over in surprise. "Wait a minute! You've been dating for three months and you don't love her?"

"I like her a lot," he corrected, "but as a girlfriend."

Natsu scratched his head. "Hmm … I don't get it."

"You've never had a girlfriend, have you?"

"Not really," Natsu muttered awkwardly.

Rei-chan did not count. She taught him how to kiss and be attentive to a partner; there was no love between them. He and Lisanna had been too young, although he did care about her back then, maybe _liked_ her. Lots of people thought he and Lucy were a couple, and although she was fun to be around and really cute, she kept their relationship strictly as teammates. Besides, now she and Loke were a secretive couple, sneaking off to be together, although the whole guild knew they were dating.

Gray tried to think about how to explain it. "Girlfriends are fun, and you can like them a lot, but … maybe it's just me, but I consider _love_ to be something a lot more. You can _like_ lots of people, but you probably only _love_ a few people in your life."

Natsu thought about it. He supposed it made sense. "You like friends, but you love a mate."

"Is that something Igneel told you? It sounds like something a dragon would say."

"Maybe," Natsu shrugged. "Igneel told me that you should only have sex with a person you love deeply, and that person is your mate. Dragons only have one mate for life, but he said humans can have many mates. Still, I think you should only mate with a person who you really, truly, deeply love."

Gray lowered his head. "That's probably a good idea. It'd keep down a crapload of drama. I wish someone taught me that when I was younger."

"Have you and Juvia…?" He made a crude action with his hands.

"No!" Gray snapped. "Not that I wouldn't want to, but … but you're right. I've slept with a few girls, but it was pretty meaningless, just hormones taking over. I don't want to treat Juvia that way. I dunno, it just … doesn't seem fair to her. I've known how she feels about me for years, and I'm trying to fall in love but … I can't," he sighed. "I want to love her, but I just don't feel that way."

Natsu shrugged lightly. "Maybe you should break up."

"I don't want to hear relationship advice from a guy who hires a stripper to teach him how to kiss!"

"Well, either the things you do with someone should mean nothing, or they should mean everything," Natsu reasoned. "It's like with fighting. You either have no reason at all to fight, or you're fighting for a reason: to hone in your own skills, or challenge the other person, or because they're an enemy, or to protect your friends. Otherwise, the fight is meaningless. You can fight without meaning, of course, but that's no fun at all."

"Yeah, that makes sense," Gray admitted. Leave it to Natsu to explain everything as fighting. "So what about you and that other stripper?"

Natsu smiled as Gray said it again: _other stripper_. "She's training me, letting me hone in my skills."

"That's despicable!"

Natsu slid his eyes over slyly. "Oh? And why did you take those two girls in that northern resort town?"

"Are you _still_ fixated on that?" Gray shouted.

"Because you never answer me when I ask. You dodge it each time."

Gray folded his arms and looked away. "Fine! I agreed because … I … I wasn't sure if I actually _could_ , you know."

"Do you mean if you could have sex?"

"Why do you put things so bluntly?" Gray snapped.

Natsu held back the memories of listening in on Gray when he was in his bathtub while still paralyzed. "Didn't you try on your own? You know, experimenting if you could or not … with your hand?"

Gray shot him a glare, but he supposed that Natsu was a young man, same as him, so he would know that guys did that sort of thing. "I had, but … it's different, you know. On your own isn't the same as with someone else."

"I wouldn't know," Natsu admitted.

Gray looked over in shock. Was it true then? Natsu and that stripper had not had sex? Was he really still a virgin? "I was … having problems," he said delicately, not liking to admit to that sort of issue. "I was hoping that if it was someone else doing the touching, it'd be easier, but … but it wasn't. Those girls couldn't do anything for me." He laughed awkwardly. "Thank God _that_ isn't an issue anymore!"

"So you can…"

"Dammit, I do _not_ want to talk about jerking off with _you_ , of all people."

That stung a little, but Natsu supposed conversations about sex were always weird, especially between two guys, and especially between two rivals. If it was him, that was probably the same thing he would say if Gray asked him about masturbation.

"So your reason was the same as mine," Natsu said. "You were challenging yourself, seeing if you still had the ability to do that. For me, I'm honing in my skills. Same thing, in the end. It's something without emotion and serves only to strengthen ourselves."

"Sucks to do that sort of thing, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Natsu had to agree. "Rei-chan and I … we aren't meeting anymore."

"She said the girl you like got mad."

Natsu looked over sharply. "You talked to her?"

"While you were in the hospital," he nodded. "We only talked for a little bit. She said you're not … _intimate_ with her anymore."

"Oh," he whispered. "Yeah, it … it got awkward."

"So, how far did you two go?"

"Like I'd tell you!" Natsu shouted. He realized that he sounded the same as when Gray had snapped just a moment ago. "We didn't go all the way, just … touching."

"And blow jobs, right?" Gray asked. Ever since their talk at the beach, he had fantasized about doing that to Natsu so much, it was probably unhealthy.

Natsu's face flushed brightly. "W-well, we … I mean … L-like I said, she was training me, teaching me what to do, so … so we did some things, but there was never any love between us. Just training. Mostly it was me doing things to her."

"Like what?" Gray asked, although a corner of his brain was cursing himself and screaming _'Why are you even interested?'_

"Like I said, touching!"

"You fingered her?"

"Shut up!" he yelled, feeling sick with humiliation.

"Hey, it's not a problem. I mean, I've done that plenty of times."

"With Juvia?" he yelled, hating the jealousy burning in him.

"None of your business!"

"Same here."

"Fine."

"Fine!"

They stared in opposite directions. Strangely enough, Natsu was the first to cool down.

"It was just training, touching, and kissing. She sucked me off maybe twice. That's all. I didn't … you know … put it in. Just training, but … it wasn't good anymore. Training is no good if the person you want to protect gets hurt."

"I guess so," Gray mumbled. "I wonder then, with me and Juvia … I mean, I do think she's nice, I don't mind her being my girlfriend, but … if it's gonna hurt someone else…"

"Who could it hurt?" Natsu asked suspiciously.

Gray pouted and looked off while grumbling, "Hell if I know."

Natsu watched him closely, wondering what he meant.

"I dunno, what do you think?" Gray asked, glancing over to Natsu. "I could maybe stay with Juvia. With enough time, something might develop. I could grow to love her. Then again, it's rather shitty when she says 'I love you' and I feel like I have to say it back when I just don't feel that way."

"Um, I'm not the expert on these things," Natsu pointed out, "so what you do with her is something only you can decide. However, I really think you and Juvia need to talk about this, about your feelings and expectations."

"She expects thirty babies," he groaned.

"You don't want kids?"

"Well, not _now_ ," Gray shouted. "I'm not exactly good around kids. They're weird and small and smelly. Maybe because I never had a little brother or sister, or even a little cousin around. I grew up around adults. Children … that's not really my thing. I don't want something that serious in my life yet."

"So what do you want?"

"Just … fun. Having a good time. Pleasure. I know you don't want sex with anyone but a mate, but … well, part of me wants it again."

"But not with Juvia?"

"She's a member of Fairy Tail. It would mean a lot more if it was with her."

"You want meaningless sex?" Natsu asked, looking confused and a little disturbed.

"I want … oh, hell if I know what I want," he growled in frustration.

"Wait, are you planning to _cheat_ on her? I won't allow that, Gray! Juvia's a friend." Even if Gray said he wanted to cheat on Juvia with Natsu himself, he would turn him down. He was loyal to friends, and he would not hurt one, not even to get happiness for himself.

"No!" Gray shouted. "I'm not an asshole. I just … I want…" He closed his eyes. Images came unwanted: Natsu on his knees looking up at him, or Gray laid back and gazing up at those fiery eyes while hot hands caressed his body. He sneered and turned away, unable to look at the Dragon Slayer. "I'm done training. Do you feel like getting drunk?"

"I'm not supposed to." Natsu patted his chest to show he meant his heart issue.

"Too bad. See ya around, sulfur breath." Gray left with a wave of farewell.

"Don't puke and pass out, popsicle pants." Natsu watched him go and waited until he could not hear or smell Gray. "He's gone. You can come out."

Up from a nearby puddle rose Juvia. Her eyes were sad, but Natsu realized that it had not yet started to rain.

"I didn't like lying to him," Natsu told her with a harsh edge to his voice.

"Juvia apologizes," she whispered. "Juvia had concerns about Gray-sama. Juvia is glad Gray-sama is loyal. Gray-sama just … doesn't … _love_ Juvia."

"He cares about you," Natsu passively pointed out, keeping his emotions neutral. "It could grow into love."

"It could," she sighed. "Juvia does not know what to do."

Natsu turned aside. "Then I'll say the same thing to you: you guys need to talk about it."

"If it was you, Natsu, what would you do?"

Natsu really did not want to get between them. He had his own goals and desires. He could easily manipulate this into convincing both of them to break up with each other. However, that was hardly loving. If Gray could be happy, Natsu would have admitted defeat and stepped aside. Finding out things were like this made it even more awkward for him.

"If it was me," he said slowly, judging his words for once in his life, "if I found out the person I love was saying 'I love you' back to me, but never once really meant it, to me that's lying, and that's not something I can tolerate. I would rather have a partner be honest with themselves and with me, rather than lie because they think it's what I want to hear. At least for me, honesty is important."

Juvia's head dropped, and Natsu finally saw storm clouds gathering overhead.

"That's just me," he stressed.

"Yes, but you're right. Honesty is important. Being honest … not _lying_ and saying … that Gray-sama loves Juvia." She began to struggle with the sadness. Her arms hugged herself, and her face tensed up with grief. "Natsu, you should go home."

"Try not to flood the city," he said seriously. Then Natsu slowly walked away, heading home as he felt the first drips of rain falling from the stormy sky.

* * *

Two days later, Fairy Tail was rocked by the most unexpected love drama to strike them yet: Juvia broke up with Gray.

She left in tears, and outside a gale raged over Magnolia. Inside the guild hall, people stared in complete shock. Juvia had said the words clearly and firmly, not hateful, just a calm declaration.

"This isn't working out. Juvia cares very much for Gray-sama, but Juvia needs love, not just a friend. Juvia deserves honesty, not flattery. Juvia cannot force Gray-sama into feeling love. It's not turning out how Juvia wanted. Juvia would be very happy to keep Gray-sama as a close friend, but … we should stop dating."

Gray, for his part, could only stare and mutter, "If that's what you want. We're still friends."

He did not even try to argue and persuade her. He let her go, yet the shock was apparent in his dropped mouth and glazed eyes.

After all, this was _Juvia_. She had lusted and obsessed over Gray since before joining the guild. She had forced her feelings onto him over and over again. For them to break up after just three months seemed absurd. For Gray, it was like some bizarre dream, and he was left staring ahead blankly. Sure, he had been ambivalent toward how he felt, but to be dumped by the one girl he thought he might actually be able to love, at least if given enough time to fall in love … it numbed him.

And what did she even mean about "deserving honesty"? When had he been dishonest? Or had she seen through his emotions so easily?

Natsu had watched the breakup from the side with Happy and Lucy. Lucy's mouth was dropped, utterly stunned. Happy hardly seemed to care and kept eating his fish. Natsu's eyes were firmly on the ice wizard.

For some reason, he felt guilty. Juvia had approached Natsu earlier that fateful day and asked him to question Gray about his love and loyalty, saying that she knew her boyfriend would be honest with his closest male friend. At the time, Natsu figured that Gray would confess how much he loved Juvia, how happy they were together, probably brag about their heartfelt joy, so allowing Juvia to spy would be fine. He never imagined Gray would say he was not in love.

He _never_ thought Juvia would break up with Gray!

Even if there was no true love between them, Natsu figured she would agree to wait for his love to develop and remain vigilantly by his side until then, no matter how long it took. He supposed that learning the truth, that Gray was saying 'I love you' without meaning it, had hurt Juvia a lot deeper than he could imagine.

No … he could imagine it. What if Gray confessed? What if he told Natsu 'I love you' but then it turned out to be a lie? That would devastate Natsu. He supposed that was how Juvia felt.

As much as Natsu tried to tell himself that he did no wrong, he had done nothing more than question Gray and allowed Juvia to spy, he knew he was guilty. He had lied when Gray asked if Juvia was nearby, and he hated lying to anyone, most of all to Gray. If Gray had known Juvia was around, hidden in the puddle, listening to everything, he never would have said those words, but that also meant Juvia never would have known the truth.

As much as Natsu wanted Gray for himself, he also did not want to see his friends get hurt. Now he felt like this breakup was his fault.

While the guild sat in shocked silence, Natsu rose and walked over to Gray.

"Mira, something strong," Natsu ordered quietly. The white-haired lady jolted, but she hurriedly fixed a drink. Natsu placed the cup in Gray's unmoving hands and sat beside him. "Drink up."

"Did I do something wrong?" Gray asked in shock. "I mean … this is Juvia. She … she's supposed to be … an easy win."

Natsu's eyes narrowed. "Easy win?"

"You know what I mean!"

"No, I don't. Love isn't about winning or losing. It's about figuring out yourself and hoping the other person figures out the same thing. You figured yourself out. You told me you weren't in love."

Gray turned to him in anger and lashed out, "Did you tell her?"

"No," Natsu said honestly, "but Juvia isn't a stupid girl. I'm sure she could see the truth for herself."

Gray drank the cup in a single shot and then suddenly collapsed his head down into his arms. "Now what the hell am I supposed to do?"

Natsu shrugged awkwardly. "Try again? If love is a battlefield, then if you lose one fight, you move on to the next fight and try to make yourself stronger through experience. I wouldn't call this a loss, though," he added for Gray's sake. "This is more like a draw. You weren't in love, and she wasn't getting what she had been expecting. It wasn't a fight. It just didn't work out."

"But I … I really thought…" His fists clenched up. "If I just gave myself a little more time, maybe … maybe I could have grown to love her, you know."

Natsu awkwardly patted Gray on the shoulder. "So, lesson learned. Next time, don't leap into a relationship hoping that maybe it'll develop into love. Wait until you really do think you could be in love, and then agree to try a relationship with that person."

Gray muttered into his arms, "I don't even know what it's like to be in love."

Gajeel walked by then. "Dumb ass! What do you mean, you don't know what love is like?"

"Have _you_ ever been in love?" Gray shouted.

Gajeel's face went pink. "So what if I am?"

"Well, lucky you, huh? Shut up!"

"Che! You get dumped and suddenly you're Mister PMS."

Natsu glared at Gajeel as he walked by. "Don't listen to him," he whispered to Gray. "That metal-head has been hot for Levy for ages, you can smell that they've done it, so he's cranky when it comes to her. Dragon Slayers are like that about new mates."

"You're in love, he's in love, Elfman's in love … seems like everyone can fall in love but me," Gray muttered. "So how do you even know if it's love?"

Natsu thought about it. "It's a tickle to your belly, a fire in your heart, but your brain freezes up."

"That makes no sense at all."

"Well … it feels like my stomach is empty even though I've eaten everything in sight. It feels like fire burning in my chest, flames that are hotter than Igneel's most awesome attack, and it's like my head starts spinning, like I'm about to throw up even though I'm not on any sort of transportation."

"So typical of you," Gray scoffed.

"It … hurts," Natsu went on solemnly. "It's a pain in my heart, just like when I was a kid and waiting for Igneel to return, but this time I'm waiting for that person to come back to me. When I see that person with someone else, it hurts like I've been punched in the gut by Gildarts. When they smile at me, it feels like butterflies could soar away with my heart, but then suddenly I see them sad and it's like Droy just sat on my chest. If they yell at me in anger, it feels like every bone in my body has been crushed.

"Thinking about them makes my heart race … or maybe not that it's beating faster. It beats _stronger_ , and every beat rocks my body until I get dizzy. When you're in love, you feel silly and giddy when you think about the other person, but frustrated every time you can't be with them. When they start to walk away, you instinctively want to follow them, just to be with them, because being apart feels so unnatural. You feel the desire to simply stand next to them, even if you're both quiet, or if you're arguing, or talking about the stupidest things. You even find that their insults are cute. You smile even if their jokes are stupid, and when they're funny and you're joking together, you laugh a little extra just because of how happy you are. You wanna punch a wall just to hide your grin, because you know that if you smile too much, they'll get suspicious, and even though you want them to know how you feel, it's so embarrassing you could just die."

Gray shook his head. How stupidly complex! However, Natsu kept going on.

"The littlest sign of appreciation makes you so overwhelmed, you wanna cry, simply because you made them happy. And then on some days, you're trying to focus on something important, but they come into your head and bombard you with their smile, and suddenly your heart feels like exploding, and your stomach is twisting itself into knots, and it's all of those weird feelings all over again, just because you thought about that person a little."

He glanced down at Gray with longing. He knew that feeling, because he was experiencing it right now, confessing all of this, although Gray looked like he had no more interest. It hurt, but it made Natsu want to say more, to punch into that glacier brain of his just how strongly he felt.

"You wanna fight next to that person for the rest of your life," he said softly. "You know deep down inside, that you would do _anything_ for that person, even if it almost kills you."

Finally, Gray slowly turned his head over and glanced up at Natsu in surprise, as well as a little confusion. That was a little too suspiciously like what Natsu said to him when Gray was still in a wheelchair.

"You find yourself more worried about them than about yourself, and you want them to be happy, even if it means you'll be sad. You want to fight for them, protect them, and destroy anything that might hurt them. Love makes you weak, but at the same time, it makes you incredibly strong, strong enough to put up with all of those emotions, all the pain and happiness and overwhelming bombardment that would probably make a person pass out from emotional exhaustion at any other time. But since it's love, and it's that person, you not only manage to put up with it all, you actually like it. You like how it feels, even if it hurts, because even the painful moments are proof of your feelings."

Natsu looked firmly at him, wishing he was Warren and could scream into that icy head.

_'Open your eyes, you ass, and see what's in front of you! Why can't you see that I'm talking about you, idiot?'_

Gray gulped, but he looked aside with a perturbed clench to his jaw. _'Why can't it be…? No. It definitely isn't me. You're just talking about that girl you like. I don't deserve it anyway. Feelings that strong … some jerk like me doesn't deserve to be loved that much. It's just wishful thinking, and I'm an idiot.'_

"That's pretty deep," Gray mumbled. "Is that how you feel about that girl you love?"

Pain pierced his heart, but instead of giving in to the ache, a tiny smile tugged on Natsu's mouth. "Yeah, that's how I feel. It's annoying and it's amazing and I don't think I can ever fully stop feeling that way."

That stabbed at Gray. Those fantasies were foolish after all. Natsu felt this strongly about some girl, and he just said he would never stop feeling like this. Even if he could get Natsu to accept him, it would never be with love this profound, and that made Gray depressed.

"I can't get that person out of my head. Ever," Natsu confessed. "And I don't want to. For how weird and painful and crazy it feels, I don't want to stop feeling this way."

Gray's eyes stared out blankly. "I wonder if that's how Juvia felt about me this whole time. I wonder how much it must have hurt her to realize I don't feel the same way."

"It's agonizing," he stated quietly. He couldn't confess, definitely not right after Juvia broke up with Gray. That was seriously the shittiest thing in the world to do, taking advantage of his emotional weakness.

Gray sighed and looked down at his empty glass. "Love is really complicated. Maybe I'll never feel it."

"I hope you do some day," Natsu whispered, looking sadly at the black-haired man.

He really did hope that. Even if it wasn't him, he wanted Gray to be happy in life. If he was straight, then that simply meant it would be a lady to comfort him at night, and Natsu had to accept that. He could not _force_ Gray to suddenly become interested in boys.

Suddenly, Natsu jumped to his feet. "Come on! You need a change. Stop focusing on what you did wrong and do something else." Natsu pointed a dramatic finger at the ice wizard. "I challenge you, Gray! Fight me!"

Gray stared in confusion, but then he laughed. "Idiot. Fine! I won't lose."

"Neither will I."

Mira chimed in sweetly. "Not here, boys. Take it outside."

Both of them had mischievous grins at one another.

"The river?"

"Yep, the river."

"Let's go!"

They left to chase away the dark emotions with a little bit of Fairy Tail craziness and a battle between Fire and Ice.

**Next Chapter: "Stand Up and Fight!"**

* * *

_A/N: This story was my 2014 Nanowrimo entry. During that contest, rather than spend a lot of time sculpting the right declaration of what love is like (and maybe because I've been with the same man for so long, I forgot what falling in love for the first time is even like), I asked my loyal followers over on "[Rhov Anion's Minions](https://www.facebook.com/RhovAnionsMinions)" for their explanations of what it's like to fall in love. From their responses came Natsu's great love speech. It's serious, silly, and so totally Natsu at times._


	25. Stand Up and Fight!

_"Stand up and fight!_  
_Stand up and look into the light_  
_Pushing the clouds away._  
_Stand up and fight!_  
_Stand up and see the sky turn bright._  
_Fight for a better day."_  
_— Turisas_

 

* * *

Gray and Natsu walked down the steep embankment to the shore of the river. The rain was still pouring in torrents, evidence of Juvia's grief at breaking up with Gray, and the ground under them squished with saturated mud. The river had swelled with the storm, and already both wizards were drenched.

"Won't this be a disadvantage to you?" Gray asked, glancing at all the rain.

"The rain is warm," Natsu pointed out, "so it's a disadvantage to you as well. This is perfectly fair."

"If you say so," Gray shrugged. "Don't cry when the rain douses your flames."

Natsu grinned fiendishly. "Don't cry when it deforms your ice!"

They both took fighting stances and glared at each other, yet there was a tiny smirk to Gray's face. How long had it been since they fought like this? It was like going back to childhood, growing up with this flame-brain idiot, arguing about the strengths of fire and ice, and that one day when he finally beat Natsu solidly. Gray began to chuckle as he remembered that fight.

He could hardly wait to beat Natsu again.

"Ice-Make…"

"Fire Dragon's…"

* * *

Up on the bluff overlooking the river, Juvia stood with Mira, Levy, and Lucy. The three girls decided that Juvia needed some company, but on their way they heard the boom of an explosion. They had rushed to the river and saw the brawl. Pieces of ice and charred leaves from scorched trees scattered around. The two boys below were bruised up already.

The rain suddenly lessened to a drizzle, and Juvia smiled a little. Gray was moving on. It still hurt her heart, but she knew he needed to find his own path. She had tried to be a roadblock and forced her way into his life, but in the end that simply was not enough.

"Gray's always happy around Natsu, isn't he?" Mira said with a light sigh.

Levy nodded in agreement. "They're constantly at each other's throats, but they really do work well together."

Lucy knew she could say nothing about Natsu's feelings. She kept her smile secretive. "Natsu is doing this on purpose."

"Indeed," Levy nodded. "Gray was in shock. This will help him."

Mira hugged Juvia. "And now, as your friends, we have to help you. Come on, the sweet shop awaits!"

"Y-yes," Juvia said, still watching as Gray delivered a blow, but Natsu recovered fast, leaped on the ice, and jumped off in order to deliver a massive punch to Gray's face. "Win, Gray-sama. Juvia will stop the rain so you can win."

* * *

Down by the river, Gray rubbed his aching jaw and streaked blood away. "Bastard. You'd never think you just went through heart surgery."

"You should have learned the first time," Natsu said sternly, holding a rib that was probably-most-likely broken. "Don't underestimate an opponent. Just because they're old or sick or invalid, never, _ever_ , underestimate them."

Gray glared up. The first time? _The fight!_ The fight that started all of this. Going easy on his opponent just because he was an old man had been Gray's biggest mistake, and it had almost cost him his life.

Natsu was right. He still did this sort of thing, showing pity toward an opponent whom he assumed was weak. Maybe everyone thought Natsu had no clue when to hold back his power, and he was a destructive pyromaniac who took things too far, but one thing you could _not_ say about the Fire Dragon Slayer was that he lost for underestimating opponents.

"Fine," Gray growled, and he punched both fists into the ground while cold steam rose around them both. "Then I won't hold back."

The ground exploded with ice, spiking like daggers, spears, and thorns. Flames danced through the air like fiery birds and blazing rivers. They fought long and hard, sometimes using magic, sometimes resorting to fists and kicks. Natsu realized one thing: Gray's punches were much harder. Months of pushing around his wheelchair left him stronger in the arms. One well-place blow to the gut had Natsu vomiting bile and seeing stars, yet he did not give up.

Gray realized something as well. He was less agile. That was something he would have to work on in practice. His Ice-Make magic was as strong as ever, but his ability to dodge was weak. Natsu was faster than him, he got in more hits, and Gray could not fully dodge many of his attacks. Although Natsu already sounded exhausted (he knew Natsu could normally fight much longer than this) his strength and magic power had not diminished one bit.

Gray got scorched by one blast of flames and collapsed with pain sizzling half of his body.

"Stand up," Natsu growled.

Gray iced the burn, forced himself up, and kept fighting. Later, a flaming fist to the face made him black out for a moment and collapse onto his back. Gray figured that was it, he lost, Natsu would start to brag now. Instead, he woke up hearing the Dragon Slayer shouting.

"Get up, get up, get up!"

Somehow, he made it to his feet and stopped the double vision long enough to punch, feeling his knuckles hitting flesh, although spots still swam in his eyes. Gray felt himself getting weaker, yet every time he fell, instead of declaring victory, Natsu shouted at him again.

"Stand up!" Natsu yelled angrily. "Fight me!"

Once again, Gray pulled himself back onto his feet, stumbling with dizziness. He fought blindly, sensing the heat around him, aiming his attacks haphazardly, but not giving up. He did not want to lose, not after all he went through to recover and get stronger.

He wanted to fight, if only as a thanks to Natsu for all he did to help Gray through that near-death experience.

At last, Gray fell into the mud, and no amount of shouting roused him. He could barely even hear Natsu's voice over the hammering of his own overworked heart. He wondered how someone like Natsu, who just had heart failure, was still going after this long.

"Get up!" Natsu shouted, covered in blood and bruises but still upright. "Stand up and fight me, Gray! I don't want to fight a weakling."

"Shut up!" Gray shouted in frustration.

He wanted to sleep. He hurt everywhere. He was probably bleeding from every limb. Natsu looked no better, his clothes tattered, his face swollen purple, still grabbing at his rib that Gray had bludgeoned with ice.

Natsu walked right up to Gray's fallen body and stared down hard at him. "The only reason that I was able to fight all these years was because I had you beside me. I got stronger when I felt like I was about to lose you, because I knew that if it was you, you'd _never_ give up. If I was the one in danger, you'd fight all out to protect me. Isn't that right? You swore to fight to the death for Fairy Tail. That's how you are, Gray. That's how we both are. So don't give up this easily! Now, get off your ass and fight me! Fight until you can't. Just don't give up!"

Gray roared, jumped to his feet, and used the last of his strength to make one last punch. Natsu merely tilted his head to the side, not even sidestepping it, but still Gray missed. Suddenly, the Ice-Make wizard collapsed against that burning hot chest. He grabbed hold of him, slumped against the Dragon Slayer, and laughed weakly.

"Hey!" Natsu said in surprise as Gray's arms wrapped around him. He felt the heaviness of Gray's body and grabbed around his waist to hold him up. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Out of … practice … I guess," Gray panted. He laughed again. "Heh! I really do need you to keep pushing me." His head collapsed onto Natsu's shoulder. His nose pressed into the scarf, and he inhaled the scent. Softly, Gray murmured, "I need you."

Natsu gulped at those words.

Breathing laboriously, Gray whispered, "Thank you."

Natsu was shocked to hear such warm words, but before he could reply, Gray lost consciousness. Just as he was about to fall to the ground, Natsu held onto him firmly.

"Hey, you bastard! Don't black out on me."

Gray was unconscious, but as Natsu laid him on the ground, he saw a smile on those pale lips.

"Idiot," he muttered, brushing back the raven hair. "You really did push your limits, huh?" Natsu straightened up and rubbed out an ache in his chest. "I guess we're both out of practice."

After a few minutes, Gray showed no sign of regaining consciousness. Natsu figured he was out for the day. He could not just leave him here in the mud by the river or Gray would catch a cold. He decided to take Gray home on his back. He carefully hoisted the Ice-Make wizard up, grumbling about his weight. Since Natsu's house was the closest, he headed that way.

As he walked along the wet path leading to the forest, he felt the sweaty muscles pressed up against his back and Gray's weak breath chilling the side of his neck. It made Natsu a little uncomfortable, but at the same time he felt happy. Fighting with Gray again was something he enjoyed, always had, and probably always would. They were fire and ice, and each needed the other to hone in their skills.

"You fought well," he said quietly. "Let's do that again some day."

**Next Chapter: "The Second Kiss"**


	26. The Second Kiss

_"Never close your lips to those whom you have already opened your heart."_  
_― Charles Dickens_

 

* * *

Natsu brought Gray home. Happy was still not back, so he quietly placed Gray on his own bed. It was still messy from that morning, but that just meant he did not have to pull the sheets back. He carefully laid Gray down and sighed in exasperation.

"You're an idiot, you know." Who did he mean: Gray for fighting until he passed out, or himself for bringing Gray here, to his house … all alone?

Natsu pulled up a chair and watched Gray's sleeping face. Part of him thought this was boring, and part of him did not want to do something more fun. He rarely got a chance to just _look_ at Gray. He had to admit, the Ice-Make wizard was really hot. He never would have told Gray that to his face, but Natsu was frequently jealous of Gray's good looks. It was partly why he got so annoyed whenever Gray began to remove his clothes. His face alone was handsome, let alone that sculpted body.

Natsu took the edge of his scarf and wiped away some of the rainwater dripping from the drenched, black hair. Then he let the scarf go and used his hand, softly stroking back the raven strands. He looked at the scar over Gray's eyebrow and caressed it, remembering that fight on Galuna Island. He had seen Gray ready to sacrifice his own life with Iced Shell, and Natsu barely stopped him in time.

Maybe that had been the start of it all. Not love, not yet back then, but … perhaps acknowledgement. He realized then, he did not want Gray to be out of his life.

Then months as teammates, and Gray always seemed to come to Natsu's rescue. He never made a big deal about it. He would even say things like, "This is for last time," not realizing that _last time_ he had also saved Natsu's life.

It was only fair, then, that Natsu sacrificed all he could for Gray's sake. He had a lot of karma to balance with this snowman. How many times had Gray saved his life?

Hesitantly, Natsu picked up Gray's chilly fingers and warmed them with his hands. For a moment, it reminded him of when Gray was still in the hospital. How often had he sat by the Ice-Make wizard's side like this, watching him sleep, hoping he would wake up?

"What is it like to love?" he whispered, gazing down at that sleeping face. "Only an idiot like you would ask _me_ that. Everyone else is figuring it out: Erza, Happy, Lucy, even Loke now knows." Natsu reached one hand up and smoothed down the wet hair, using a little heat to help dry him. "You're the idiot who's blind. Stupid stripper."

The hand in Gray's hair stroked down to his cheek, feeling razor stubble and chilliness.

"I just wanna grab you and tell you sometimes," Natsu gnashed. "I wanna kiss you and scream, 'You idiot, it's not a girl I like, it's you! Why can't you see it?' But I … I'm … I'm too scared, _and you didn't hear that from me_ ," he said stubbornly.

There was a soft moan, and Gray's head moved. Natsu yanked his hand away and gulped back a cry. His heart pounded in terror. Had Gray heard all of that? Had he been awake? Natsu grabbed his chest in a stab of sharp pain from the spike of fear, but then a snore came out. Gray muttered something about sunflowers, and Natsu relaxed with a long sigh.

"Don't scare me like that, asshole," he grumbled. His pout deepened reflectively. "You really do scare me. I'm too scared to lose you as my friend. You're straight, and I'm not, and … and what if I scare you off? What if I confess and chase you away?" He held Gray's hand again and looked at the bruises on his knuckles from their fight. "That'd be even worse. I can put up with you not being in love with me, but I can't handle the idea that you might hate me. That's … that's just way worse than being alone with these feelings but still able to be close to you."

He placed a hand back on Gray's cheek, and there was a quiet sigh of happiness as Gray leaned into the heat. That sleeping face looked so cute, it made Natsu smile.

"Just promise you'll never truly hate me. You can be mad and punch me, but never hate me, Gray."

Gray grumbled in his sleep. "Nnnh … Natsuuuu…"

"Are you dreaming about me?" Natsu asked with an intrigued smile. "I hope it's a good dream. If I'm in your dreams, then I don't care that I had to drag your lazy ass here. Just sleep. Dream of me."

Gray looked relaxed in his dream, and that made Natsu's heart feel warm. He still held Gray's hand, and those cold fingers gripped a little tighter. Natsu glanced down in surprise, then back up to the face with hope, but Gray was still completely out.

Was Gray dreaming about holding his hand?

"Gray?"

The hand on the chilly cheek slid down, caressing Gray's face wistfully. One finger stroked over the pale lips. Gray's mouth parted slightly at the touch. Natsu was in a trance, staring down at that mouth, smelling the breath softly slipping out.

He remembered the one time he had kissed Gray. It was just like this: Gray had been in the hospital unconscious, struggling to live, and Natsu had leaned over and kissed him, hardly realizing why. It probably was not really love back then, but … but it was _something_. That secretive kiss had been the start of everything.

Now, here they were again, but Natsu had finally come to understand why his heart felt like it was in flames. He understood the warmth in his veins and the twisting in his stomach. He knew what these weird feelings were now.

He was in love!

Slowly, Natsu leaned forward. He should not be doing this. He _really_ shouldn't! Still, the burning in his heart drove him onward. He leaned in closer until their noses were almost touching.

"Are you awake?" he asked softly, staring right at those closed eyelids. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty, I'm going to kiss you if you're asleep."

He figured if Gray was even a little awake, he would shove Natsu aside, and he could laugh it off as being a joke. Instead, Gray's face was slack. He was completely unconscious.

"I figured I'd warn you," he whispered. Natsu leaned in closer. "I can't help it anymore. I've tried. I wanted to ignore it, and I really should forget it, but that's impossible. After all these months, I just can't stop it. I even tried to convince myself this was nothing more than lust, but I realize that's not it either." His lips hovered above Gray's, and his brow tensed in anguish. "I fell in love with an idiot like you."

Natsu pressed his lips down, just a gentle touch. He began to pull back, meaning to give only that much; however, a soft sigh slipped past those cold lips, and a flush spread over Gray's cheeks. Natsu could not contain himself. He bent over again and gave Gray another kiss, longer, but still gentle, scared about what might happen if Gray woke up just now.

"More."

Natsu gasped sharply and looked down. Gray's eyes were still closed, but that one word was clear.

More!

Animal instincts swelled up. Maybe it was wrong to kiss a sleeping person, but Natsu no longer cared. For months, he had been using the excuse that he could not make a move because of Juvia. Now, she was no longer dating Gray. That one noble barrier halting him from taking possession of his desire was gone, and there was nothing holding him back. He leaned over Gray again and kissed him harder.

Deftly, nervously, Natsu let his fingers ghost over the cheeks and down the bare chest. He struggled against desires to scratch Gray possessively, pinch his nipples, mark him, and make him shudder. Instead, a nervous and sweaty palm brushed gently over Gray's pectoral. He heard a somnolent groan and a shift to Gray's hips. He pulled back, glanced down, and saw the erection beginning to tent his pants.

"Horny bastard," Natsu chuckled. "Are you still dreaming about me, ice princess?"

"Yes," he answered, still soundly asleep.

"Are you?" Natsu chuckled. Maybe that was not really the case at all, but he let himself imagine. "I'm glad." He leaned over and gave Gray another kiss.

"Mmmh," Gray moaned, and his lips opened invitingly.

Natsu slid his tongue in. The taste was … like Christmas! Like everything tasty and wonderful about Christmas was all wrapped up inside Gray's mouth. Their tongues twirled. Gray moaned again, almost a whine, and it thrilled Natsu.

Those hips arched up, as if thrusting into something. Natsu reached down and just felt it a little, worried about doing too much. It was surprisingly warm down there, and Gray flexed slowly into those hot fingers. At the touch, his whole body shivered. Natsu smiled happily and kissed him again as he gingerly palmed Gray's hardness, feeling the contours inside, sensing the warmth, and smelling the growing scent of arousal.

He had never kissed anyone but Rei-chan like this before. With her, it was just weird, but finally doing this with Gray—feeling him, touching him, tasting him, hearing those gentle moans and smelling his hormones changing—his heart felt funny, and he knew it was not from illness or weakness.

Natsu pulled back to gaze down with hazy eyes, a thinning string of saliva connecting his tongue to Gray's lower lip. He rubbed the chilly cheek and smiled at the ice wizard.

"Gray," he sighed.

"Mmm … pizza."

Natsu had begun to lean in again, but he jolted back at that. "Pizza?" He had eaten some pizza for lunch, but that was hours ago.

"Wan' anudder slice o' pizzzzzzaaa." Then Gray snored.

"Che!" Natsu pulled back and wiped his mouth in frustration, anger, and disappointment. "Who the hell sleeps through a kiss like that? Idiot."

"Yer an idiot," Gray said automatically.

"Asshole."

"Ass … mmmh…"

"Jeez, don't moan about my ass." Natsu stood and glared down at Gray. However, a bit of regret twinged in him. "Sorry if that was wrong. Dammit, I'm losing control of myself, and it's all your fault." Then he walked out of the bedroom, muttering insults about how they were both stupid and stubborn.

Gray rolled over and curled up in the bed. "Want … yer ass … Natsu," he mumbled in his sleep, and Gray began to snore loudly, lost in sweet and erotic dreams.

* * *

Gray was having another one of _those dreams_. He had experienced a few of them now, and the sight of the winged dragon prince was no longer all that strange. This time, instead of being locked away in a stone tower, he saw that prison demolished in the background, still smoldering with the flames that had destroyed it. He was out in the open, over the placid lake, out in the verdant fields where sunflowers swayed and shined on him.

Above him, his dragon prince was as hot as ever, kissing him, palming him, his heat melting away the princess dress that still clung like hoarfrost to Gray's body. Gray resisted less this time. These kisses were fiery and desirous.

But more than that. More than heat and lust.

He had had these sorts of dreams so many times, but this time the heat went deeper, like a coal that had the fire inside its heart where no little gust of wind could blow it out. Instead, the estival breezes fanned those flames hotter, scorching his soul.

Gray moaned. This dream felt so real this time. The touches felt stronger, beyond mere delusions of the night.

"More."

Instead of pushing his fiery dragon prince away, Gray gave in to those kisses and touches. He began to crave them, _need_ them. He sensed that if the dragon prince stopped touching him, if he left back to his kingdom far away, the tower of icy solitude would return, the lake would freeze, and these fields would once again be nothing more than snowy desolation. This idyllic world blossomed only because of the heat from the fire dragon.

They made love, passionate, wild, intense, and so mind-blowing that it seemed to all blur together in a swirling tempest. Then he was cradled in the arms of his dragon, and they romantically fed one another. Where the pizza came from, he had no clue. Dreams worked weirdly that way.

"Are you enjoying your pizza, ice princess?" the dragon prince asked.

"Yes," he smiled.

"Are you? I'm glad." Natsu placed a pepperoni on his own tongue and slid the food into Gray's mouth.

"Mmmh…" Gray moaned. The spicy meat mixed with that fiery mouth was sweeter than any wild passion.

Those narrow, sage-green eyes gazed at him. "What do you think?"

This time, Gray pounced, pinning the dragon under him and gazing down with desire. "I think … I want another slice of pizza."

He took one of the slices, slid an olive onto his tongue, and lowered down, feeding the dragon prince with his tongue. Yet the olive was gulped whole, and the kiss continued without the food. Gray climbed on top and slid against the fiery body, being the aggressor this time, giving back to his liberator a token of thanks.

"Once upon a time," spoke the half-dragon, "I said I wanted to be your first love."

"Stop talking. I can't kiss you when you talk."

"Do you remember that?"

"Shut up. You're an idiot."

"Do you?" the dragon prince shouted, looking pained that his question kept being deflected and ignored.

Gray gulped. That first dream was burned into his memory, especially here in the dreamworld where it first happened. "I remember," he said softly.

A burning yet tender hand caressed Gray's cheek as those narrow eyes gazed up at him, filled with hope. "Are you in love with me yet?"

Gray refused to answer. Maybe he did not know, or maybe he was too afraid to admit it. Instead, he leaned his body down over the heat and shivered as their groins pressed together.

"What more do you want?" the dragon prince asked with a desperate tone. "What will make you fall in love with me?"

What did he want? He wanted to be kissed, romanced, loved, yet … more than that. This creature wanted him, body and soul. Maybe Gray had no control about where his soul decided to go, but here in this dream there was one thing he could control. Who topped!

"I want your ass, Natsu."

The half-dragon under him laughed. "Is that all?"

"For all these months, you've been doing all sorts of things to me. It's my turn!"

"My stupid ice princess." That sharp-toothed grin leaned up right into Gray's face. "All you have to do is ask and I'll give it to you."

He kissed Gray on the nose, then leaned back down, still as devilish as ever with those scales on his skin and those horns on his head, an incubus out to give Gray any and all pleasures of the night. He crooked his finger invitingly and spread his legs.

Gray leaned over that body and let the unquenchable flame in his heart blaze once more.

* * *

"Natsu!"

The Dragon Slayer hurried out of the kitchen and over to the bedroom, worried if maybe Gray was hurt due to their fight. Instead, he found the ice wizard twisting on his bed, his cheeks flushed, and an intense smell filling the room.

"Nnngh! Natsu!"

The Dragon Slayer froze and stared, unable to believe it. Was this still the same dream? Was Gray really … dreaming about … _him_?

"Ugh! Unnnh…"

Natsu slowly began to walk in. The smell called to him. Those moans were a siren's song. Each nervous step brought him closer to his desire.

"N-Natsu! So good."

The man he loved—yes, this had to be love—was moaning _his_ name. He found himself standing over his bed, staring down at the flushed face, inhaling that strong, musky scent that seemed to come up like steam, whiff upon whiff of sensual hormones, until Natsu felt like he was swimming in Gray's scent.

"Gray," he whispered hoarsely. He wanted to wake him, lean over and make those dreams come true, or just ravage him, right here in his bed. Natsu shivered as that smell poured into him, forcing his body to react in the same way, tingling his groin and making his temperature rise. This was too much! Just _too much!_ He was not a patient man when presented with temptation like this. His hand began to reach out, wanting to touch, stroke, caress, claim, hoard, _fuck!_

Gray suddenly rolled over onto his stomach, and Natsu's hand yanked back, fearing the lust in him. However, then Gray began to hump into the mattress, rolling his hips and fisting up the sheets. The moans were muted slightly by the pillow.

"Nngh … Na- … want … prince."

"Prince?" Natsu asked, trying to listen in. He wished Gray would turn his face out of the pillow.

"Can't … I … no."

Natsu pulled back. Can't? No? Was this really a good dream, or was Gray dreaming about being forced?

"N-no … No! She … ugh … in love … Ju-…"

"She?" Natsu whispered. "Love? Ju-…"

Juvia! That was the only explanation. She must definitely be on his mind since they broke up only a couple of hours ago. Obviously, Gray must still have feelings for Juvia.

Natsu stood straight up and covered his mouth, only to feel wetness on his lips. The taste of wintry Christmas was still on his tongue, and it made his stomach twist. He had been kissing Gray, touching him, groping him, all without permission.

Sexual harassment! Non-consensual fondling!

_'Oh God, I'm horrible!'_

Natsu clenched his teeth with inner rage as he felt like vomiting with the realization of what he had done. What a selfish idiot, thinking he could do all of that to Gray just because he broke up two hours ago! Kissing him! Touching him! And asleep, no less!

What if that had triggered the sexual dream, some nightmare where Gray cried out 'No, don't'? Those kisses had not been consensual, after all. It was wrong to kiss him and touch him without permission. Just the thought that maybe he had given Gray a nightmare tore at Natsu's heart.

"I want … stop … ugh … stop!"

Stop? Stop! He wanted it to stop. The dream, or nightmare, or whatever it was.

This had to stop!

The smell was so strong, Natsu knew what the result would be, and he knew Gray would be humiliated if _that_ happened in the bed of his teammate. He pulled away, stormed out of the bedroom, and stomped back to the kitchen.

He had sexually molested Gray in his sleep.

He had touched Gray without permission.

He had given Gray nightmares.

Gray didn't want him!

In a burst of anger and frustration, Natsu slammed his fist against a rack of cast-iron pots, sending them all crashing to the floor.

"FUCK!"

Gray bolted straight up in bed at the shout and the sound of rolling metal pots. "Whuh? Who?"

He looked around. Where was he? He had been by the river, and now…

He saw a framed picture of Natsu and Lisanna with baby Happy.

"Natsu?" He wiped some drool off of his mouth.

"Sorry, dropped something," came a shout from the kitchen.

Gray began to sit up, but he felt just how erect he was. "Oh shit," he whispered, but he shut his mouth quickly. Natsu would hear him. The dream was fresh in his mind.

* * *

_"Natsu! I want you, my prince. I can't stop thinking about you."_

_"What about Juvia?"_

_"No!"_

_"You prefer girls."_

_"N-no! Well, maybe I do prefer them, but … sheesh, I don't know!"_

_"You wanted to fuck her, too, right?"_

_"No! She…"_

_"Don't lie."_

_"Ugh! I … I was never in love with Juvia. She was fun and sweet, but she's not you! I want you. God, I can't stop wanting you, Natsu. Even when I try, I can't stop!"_

_"Then tell me, Gray. Show me. Make love to me. Take me!"_

* * *

The dream had been so passionate, so wild and so … so…

This time, he had wanted it. This time, he had been the one sliding into Natsu's body, thrusting into that warmth, taking what he wanted. It was not forced like all of his other dragon-prince dreams. He had _wanted_ it. Now, his cock burned on the cusp of release.

"Hey, uh … can I use your bathroom?"

"Of course. If you stink it up, there's some air spray."

That was good to know, because Gray knew what he _really_ needed to do would smell, but not in the way Natsu guessed. He limped to the bathroom, found some lotion in the medicine cabinet, stripped from his clothes, and got to work rubbing out the painful erection.

Natsu stayed in the kitchen. He could have easily slipped over to the bathroom door and listened to the noises inside. Even if Gray could keep quiet, Natsu knew he would have heard something from within. It was tempting to spy, but he felt miserable now.

Was Gray dreaming about him? About Juvia? Had it been a nightmare? There was no way to ask!

Slowly, he began to pick up the scattered pots and put them back away.

He would wait, he decided. He would give Gray time. Two weeks! After that, come what may, he had to tell him. Maybe it would destroy their friendship, but keeping this a secret was eating him up inside. It wasn't fair to Gray. If they were true friends, then there should be no secrets between them, even one this explosive. Even if he got rejected, at least the secret would not eat at him anymore, and he would not feel guilt around Gray.

His mind was set. In two weeks, and hopefully before Gray hooked up with any other girls, he would confess to him. Natsu had no clue yet what he could say, but he would blurt it out if he had to.

This was not confusion, and not merely lust. Definitely, he was in love with Gray!

**Next Chapter: "Brawls and Kisses"**


	27. Brawls and Kisses

_"Is it really possible to tell someone else what one feels?"  
― Leo Tolstoy_

 

* * *

Natsu followed Gray like a hawk, or perhaps like a dragon. He had to admit to himself, maybe he was acting like Juvia and stalking the ice wizard. He could hardly help it, though. Natsu was concerned—no, he was flat out terrified—that Gray might try to hook up with some girl now that he and Juvia were not together.

He had to stop that from happening. It didn't matter how!

A few days after the breakup, Lyon came to Magnolia to check up on Gray. The two went out for drinks, and Natsu followed. He put on a hat and sunglasses and sat in another area of the pub, watching them and using his keen ears to listen in on their conversation.

"How in hell did you mess up with her?" the older Ice-Make wizard exclaimed as they drank cold beers.

"I told you, I just … I … wasn't in love," Gray grumbled in shame, feeling guilty about breaking the heart of the girl his adopted brother liked. "I jumped in too soon, I guess. I thought I could grow to love her."

"Of course! Anyone would love that dear, gorgeous woman," Lyon exclaimed loyally. "Which is why I'm worried why you, of all people, couldn't love her. Your heart isn't _that_ cold!" Lyon suddenly realized something. "Were you perhaps conflicted about my feelings for Juvia? Is that the issue?"

Gray scoffed softly. Honestly, Lyon's unrequited love never entered his mind. "I wish I knew," he muttered. A face popped into his head: a summery smile, squinty eyes, and wild cerise hair. He shook his head stubbornly. "Lyon, how do you know if you're in love?"

The white-haired wizard looked stunned, but seeing Gray's troubled face made him think about it seriously. "You feel warm, almost like you're on fire. You feel like melting, yet you feel stronger and more powerful than a glacier."

"Warm. On fire." Gray mused on that, but the vision of sage green eyes and a sharp-toothed smile returned. "Dammit," he muttered, running his hand through his hair. Why did that face have to keep coming back to him?

Lyon eyed him keenly. "Something on your mind?"

Just then, on the other side of the room, the manager walked up to Natsu's table. "Sir, if you don't order anything besides water, I'll have to ask you to leave."

Natsu knew he had no money. He glanced over at the two ice wizards again. He supposed he could wait outside and watch, just to make sure Gray did not flirt with the waitresses. He got up and left, keeping his hat low and his coat collar turned up so he would not draw attention to himself.

Back at the table for two, Gray was quiet, debating what was on his mind. He felt like there was no one in the world who could possibly understand.

"Gray?" Lyon asked softly. "You know you can tell me anything. We're brothers."

He smiled reflectively. "Yeah, we are," he whispered. If there was one man in this world he could tell, it was Lyon. "What if the issue is … I don't like women?"

Lyon was stunned, and his mouth dropped a little. "You … you're—"

"I don't know," Gray cut in. "I don't think I am. I mean, I _do_ like women, definitely, but … but maybe … both?" he questioned, feeling like panicking since he could not explain this. "Look, I don't even know. They say you're born that way, and … and I've never once thought about men like this."

"But there's someone," he pointed out. "A man you … like?"

Gray sank in confusion. "I don't know. Maybe. I'm too confused. Part of me … doesn't want this," he whispered, feeling guilty just admitting that, like he was betraying Natsu somehow. "I mean, what the hell do I know about … about…" His throat clenched off and he tried to gesture wildly with his hands.

"Gay sex?"

Gray's cheeks went crimson. "Yes, that! I've heard it's painful, and there's that whole top/bottom thing, and … and … goddammit, I don't even know if sex is what I want. With women, yeah, totally, but with _him_ … I just don't know," he gnashed in frustration.

"Well, intimacy like that is usually something you work up to, not immediately leap under the sheets," Lyon told him. "What is it you _do_ want from this potential relationship?"

"Hell, if I know," he grumbled.

He thought about all those erotic fantasies he had been having. He wanted that fiery body, those strong hands, and that flaming mouth. However, Lyon was right: couples normally built up to things like that. Gray had never really given thought to simpler things like dating. Could he … _date_ Natsu? Could they be boyfriends? What exactly did he want besides weird sexual fantasies?

"It'd probably never work out," he muttered to himself. "Besides, it'll be awkward, we'd both get harassed, and … and I don't think he's gay anyway. Part of me wants to ignore it. It's a phase, just some crazy notion of mine, it'll go away. And part of me … just can't help it. The more I fight it, the more he comes to mind. It's annoying and frustrating and … and I have no clue what I should do."

"He doesn't know about your feelings, does he?"

Gray cringed. "Oh hell no!"

"Perhaps you should confess first and figure the rest out later."

It sounded so easy. "No. He's not gay. He likes a girl."

"You liked Juvia. That didn't stop you from liking this guy as well. He could also be bisexual."

"I'm not bisexual," Gray said quickly, but he choked up. Was he? Was that what this was? "I don't know what I am anymore," he growled. "Anyway, if I told him…" Gray thumped his head down onto the table and mumbled, "That'd ruin everything."

Lyon hummed and nodded to himself. "This man is a friend," he deduced.

Gray smiled to himself. "One of my best friends."

Lyon paled a little. "It … um … it isn't … _me_ , is it? I mean, I'm flattered but … but you're like a brother, and sorry but I'm definitely not into guys."

Gray laughed at his awkwardness. "No, not you. However, this is probably how _he'll_ react."

"Then maybe tell him the same thing you're telling me. Hint about it. Don't let him know he's the one until you see his reaction."

Gray hummed. That made sense. If he could just hint to Natsu that maybe, possibly, he was attracted to a guy, he could at least see what the Dragon Slayer's reaction would be to the news. If he could slowly creep into this, maybe coming out would be easier.

And if Natsu flat out laughed at him or looked as horrified as Lyon had a moment ago, Gray would have his answer.

They talked a little more about Juvia—enough so Lyon realized he now had a chance with her—but otherwise their conversations were about Lamia Scale and Fairy Tail. They drank and toasted to friendship. Gray laughed, feeling a little better now that he had actually told someone about all of this confusion in his heart.

Outside, Natsu watched through the window. He was glad Gray had someone like Lyon around, someone he could talk to. He hoped that talking like this helped him to move past Juvia. He just wanted Gray to feel better, and when he saw the two Ice-Make wizards laughing and drinking, Natsu felt a warmth in his heart.

From the beginning, he just wanted Gray to be happy.

* * *

That night, nothing happened. The next day, Gray was hung over and did not even go to the guild, opting to stay home and read quietly. Outside, Natsu stood by a street light and gazed up at Gray's window, feeling worried about him but too nervous to go up to his room and check on him.

A week later, Gray wanted to take a mission alone, and Natsu followed. He got caught that time, and Gray shouted at him to leave. He was tempted to keep following along anyway, but he did not want to be too suspicious. The mission was up in the mountains fighting some sort of winter hare, so Natsu guessed there was a low chance of Gray hooking up with any girls.

He kept following, and two weeks after the breakup he saw Gray go into a store. He was buying new shirts, having lost a few on the mission. It seemed like he knew the young cashier girl very well. She already knew his size and the styles he liked. Gray smiled and joked with her, while Natsu stood over by a rack of vests, watching suspiciously.

"So, you like mystery novels, huh?" Gray asked, leaning in a little closer and smiling. "I know a good mystery house a couple towns over. They put on a _whodunit_ play and dinner every other weekend. There's a fake murder, the suspects serve you dinner and drop clues, they act out scenes between each course, and by the end, whoever can guess the murderer gets a special dessert. How about it? Do you want to—"

"Gray!"

Natsu leaped out from around the rack and stomped up to him. No! No, no, no! He was _not_ going to lose his chance to some clothing shop girl.

The ice wizard looked around and glared. "What do you want, flame-brain?"

"I challenge you!" he blurted out, the only way Natsu knew how to pull Gray away.

The droopy blue eyes rolled in exasperation. "I'm a little busy here."

"Coward!"

Gray really was stunned to see Natsu here, and just as he thought perhaps a date with some town girl could take his mind off of the Fire Dragon Slayer for a few days, just long enough to sort out what he wanted to do about these strange emotions.

Why … _why_ did he have to show up? Just seeing Natsu made his chest hurt, knowing how he felt but realizing Natsu did not feel the same way. No, he saw Gray as just a rival, and here he was, challenging him as if nothing had happened between them.

Well … nothing _had_. Not yet. Only in Gray's dreams.

"Fine," Gray muttered. He glanced back at the girl. "Another time," he said, giving her a wink and making her giggle.

Natsu glared at the flirting and stormed out of the store before he set something on fire.

The hill behind Fairy Tail where guild members sometimes trained was much closer than the river where they normally fought. Besides, Natsu did not really care much about the fight, just so long as Gray did not ask out anyone. He figured he would beat the ice wizard up to the point where no girls would want to talk to him. A few solid punches to the face would do it. That would buy him a few more days, at least. Hopefully, that would be enough time to get the courage to confess.

They squared off and began their fight. It was the same as always, fire and ice, punches and kicks. Natsu lost his anger while brawling. He began to laugh, feeling lighthearted again, forgetting about weird feelings and possessiveness. It was just him and Gray. Somehow, even fighting like this, life was happier and simpler this way.

He did not even care when Gray rammed ice into his stomach and cracked a rib. He laughed it off and felt glad to see that his rival had not gotten weaker.

He got in the punches to Gray's face that he wanted, plus more. Then Gray iced the ground, and Natsu slipped around on the slick terrain until he felt sick. He collapsed, and Gray instantly froze him. Ice went over Natsu's wrists, holding him to the frozen ground.

"Hey!" the Dragon Slayer yelled, pulling on his wrists. "What is this?"

"A victory for me," Gray gloated.

"Bastard! Since when were you into bondage?"

The question startled Gray. Bondage? As in … tying up? Then he realized Natsu was pinned, his wrists trapped … bound … in his ice!

It was … kind of … sexy, seeing him like that.

He lost his concentration, and Natsu smashed through the ice. He leaped and tackled Gray down.

"See how you like it!" he shouted, and he used his scarf to tie up Gray's hands. "Huh? How's that, you perverted exhibitionist? All tied up! How do you like … um…"

His victorious smile wavered as he gazed down and saw Gray just staring up at him … looking deep into his eyes. Natsu saw the expression of shock and confusion, heard the sharp breaths, and he smelled something.

Was this arousal?

"Natsu?" Gray whispered. Why the hell was his heart racing? The pressure of that body on top of him, the radiating heat, and the musky aroma made him tremble in a way no fight ever did, both fear and excitement, dread and desire.

Natsu's chest burned as he saw Gray under him, pinned, tied up, helpless and blushing. He had a single instinct now, and there was no way he wanted to let go of this moment. He leaned down slowly, looking at Gray's face, anticipating a rejection and praying it would never come. Instead, those blue eyes just kept looking at him, and that smell was getting stronger. Their lips drew closer, until Natsu could feel Gray's cold breath tingling his lips.

"What are you doing?" Gray whispered, breathing hard, and not just from the fight.

"I dunno," Natsu admitted, bending over further, drawing closer.

Gray saw Natsu's eyes close. He could have yanked out of the scarf and pushed him away, but he stayed still, his heart racing, wondering if this was really about to happen. Gradually, those soft lips pressed down, and Gray's eyes widened.

Was this … a kiss?

He was getting kissed!

By _Natsu!_

Yet somehow, this was a familiar sensation, like an old dream finally becoming reality. His body thrummed with warmth. The feel of those chapped lips gently pressing against his mouth thrilled him. Natsu's lips parted a little. Gray gave a quiet gasp, but there was nothing more, no tongue, just heat escaping those lips.

Then Natsu leaned up. Gray's face rose to follow the heat, enjoying the feel, yet the Dragon Slayer pulled back and gazed down. With tenseness in his brow, Natsu turned his face the other way as if ashamed by what he just did.

Gray swallowed, feeling his heart thumping hard. He wanted Natsu to kiss him more. Part of his mind was screaming, _'Wait a goddamn minute here! This is Natsu!'_ Yet another part of mind was whispering in a soft moan, _'This feels incredible. It feels right! I've been wanting this for so long. Don't let it end.'_

Natsu looked back down. "Sorry, I … I didn't…" He looked ready to laugh, brush it all off as just teasing, a joke, don't think too seriously about it. Anything to stop Gray from fearing him and these taboo emotions inside his heart. Those words died on his lips when he saw the blush on Gray's cheeks and a small lick to his lips. Instead, he leaned over again. Their noses touched tenderly, and their lips barely caressed each other.

It was soft. Too soft! It almost felt like Natsu was trying to not kiss him with any seriousness. It was infuriating, almost getting that feeling, yet having Natsu pull back.

"Please," Gray sighed, and he tugged at his captured wrists. He wanted to wrap his arms around Natsu and pull him in closer.

Natsu took that pleading in a totally opposite way. He feared that Gray wanted to break away and shove him aside. Even if Gray did not really like this, Natsu's body was raging like a furnace now. He did not want to lose this chance, not yet! He possessively held the ice wizard down, leaned over, and kissed him ravenously. Even if it was a little forceful, he wanted to keep kissing.

Gray moaned. This rougher kiss affected his whole body. He trembled and burned inside. He pulled at his wrists again, wanting to grab Natsu and clutch onto him, fearing this was nothing more than another erotic dream.

Suddenly, Natsu yanked up and looked ready to vomit. This was wrong. This forcefulness … it was _wrong_! First those kisses when Gray was asleep, now tying him up and forcing him! He was horrible, the worst!

"Sorry, that was…" It was awful of him! He was scum!

Gray shivered with dread. Why did Natsu look like he wanted to throw up? Was kissing a man really that disgusting? He thought Natsu was an incredible kisser. Maybe he was the one who kissed bad.

"I … uh…" Gray could not think. He was in a panic. He wanted to confess it all, but Natsu had his fist pressed against his mouth. It must have truly been disgusting. Gray felt his heart crumbling.

"Sorry, I didn't mean…" Natsu panicked, let go of the scarf, and wrapped it around his neck again. "Sorry."

Gray glanced up worriedly. Didn't mean … to kiss him? Was this a mistake? He hated it! Natsu thought this was disgusting!

Gray realized, he had his answer, and it shattered his heart.

"Natsu…"

Slowly, fearing outright hatred, the Dragon Slayer timidly glanced down, only to be shocked. It did not look like Gray wanted to stop. His face did not look disgusted at all. His body smelled … incredible! Aroused! Natsu could feel for himself a stirring in the groin he was pressed against.

"Natsu … please…" He wanted more, but he did not want to force Natsu. If the Dragon Slayer did not like this, then Gray just wanted to leave here, go home, and cry alone.

It was like a fire in his heart but ice in his veins. Natsu gazed down with blazing desires.

"Gray," he whispered nervously. "I … I don't…"

Gray cringed. _'Oh God, don't say "I don't like this!" Not to my face. Not like this!'_

Natsu saw the fear and desire in those eyes. How could he resist? "You're really pathetic," he whispered, and suddenly he dived down.

Gray tilted his chin up to lock his lips with Natsu's. Finally! This was the way Gray wanted to be kissed, with ardent meaning, not fleeting and half-hearted.

A moaning grunt escaped both of them as lips and teeth clashed in a battle. Gray felt Natsu's body make a slight thrust, and his own muscles tensed up in pleasure. He wrapped his arms around Natsu's hips and pulled him even closer, needfully. He wanted that heat against him. He craved this body. He had been wanting Natsu for so long.

Natsu had never felt like this before. He might have felt desires, dreamed intense fantasies, and had some not-so-innocent experimentation, but now … now his body moved on its own. He was waiting for Gray to get mad, pull away, shout, curse him, hate him, yet it never came. He kept expecting the worst, yet there was never any resistance. Although the embrace was cold, Natsu felt warmth spreading throughout his body. Having Gray kiss him back … it was too much!

He suddenly pulled away again with a jolt. It really was almost too much. If they kept this fervid passion going, he might lose all control, out here in the open. Part of him knew that they needed to stop, but instead he just looked down with uncertainty.

Was this even real? It was a dream! It had to be! Did Gray honestly even want this? The smell … the smell said yes, but those eyes were filled with conflicting emotions. Just what did Gray want? Natsu did not want to force him, but…

 _Damn_ , he wanted to claim this man!

Gray could not understand why Natsu kept pulling away. Did he want it or not? Was he disgusted? Was he merely teasing? That annoyed Gray. He did not want to be teased. He wanted…

He honestly had no clue what he wanted. He just did not want the warmth to go away.

Natsu's body was moving on its own again, pulling him down like an early sunset sinking into wintry hills. This time, when their lips locked together, Gray sighed quietly through his nose in a gentle and sweet sound. They shared open mouth kisses, but not to the extent of trespassing the other's mouth. No tongue, just lips, sometimes a gentle suck on the bottom lip until the other groaned. The kisses were warm and sweet, sensual and gentle for the most part. Then Natsu suddenly bit Gray's lip ever so slightly, and the pain shot straight down in an electric tingle to Gray's groin. He gasped and arched up. This was better than any dream!

Natsu pulled back so they could take a breath. A light blush brightened their cheeks as they stared into each other's eyes, questioning what this was, begging silently for answers, until…

Natsu had a moment of incredible clarity.

It was like, for once in his life, all the smoke cleared, and the spark that lit the initial flame was right there, visible, tangible, clear and obvious.

"Gray, I … I lo-…"

"Natsuuuuu!" Happy called, flying up the hill.

Their eyes widened. Natsu looked ashamed; Gray looked embarrassed. Natsu yanked away, fisting up his hand and pressing it against his mouth. Gray surreptitiously wiped the moisture from his lips as he sat up and dusted grass out of his hair.

 _'What the hell just happened?'_ The question was in both of their minds.

Natsu clenched his teeth to hold back curses, while Gray turned away, looking overwhelmed in shock. Amidst the awkward silence, Happy flew over.

"There you are! Are you both fighting?" Happy asked worriedly.

"Not anymore, Happy," Natsu grinned tensely. "We're just … uh … talking."

"We have to leave in an hour."

"Leave? Oh! Damn, I forgot about that mission."

As Natsu spoke to Happy, Gray hid half of his face behind his hand, feeling the heat in his cheeks and hoping he could hide it. His mind swirled in a cloud of dreamy desires. He shivered, although everything inside him felt like it was on fire.

_'Seriously, what the hell just happened? We were … and I … I…'_

"We're heading to the guild."

Gray jolted at the words directed toward him. Natsu was standing now with Happy resting on his shoulder. Both were staring down at him. Gray felt like somehow he had just fallen from grace.

"We're taking a mission." Natsu stretched a hand out to Gray with a hopeful smile. "Wanna come with us?"

It was more than just a casual question. It was an invitation for so much more, and Gray saw right through the words. He gulped hard. His mind was spiraling with what just happened. His chest pounded, and he knew his legs would start shaking if he tried to stand.

"Not yet," he whispered.

Natsu's hand slowly pulled back, and his gaze dropped to the side in disappointment. He was really hoping they could head back to the guild together, holding hands, showing to everyone that they were now a couple, and then do a mission together, just the two of them and Happy. He thought that was what the kiss meant. Gray had kissed him back! Didn't that mean anything? Yet as he looked down, he saw the trembling in the ice wizard's hands.

"Well, we'll be back in a day or two." He turned and began to walk down the hill, but he paused and looked back. "Gray?"

Frightened blue eyes gazed up.

Natsu smiled tenderly. "It was a really good fight."

He gulped hard. "Y-yeah. My loss."

"No, I lost myself, too. Sorry about that. Let's call it a tie. We're equals in this one." His eyes stared hard, letting Gray know he meant, not the fight, but in this relationship he was offering. They would be equals. He was offering so much in that simple statement.

Gray's face turned away in overwhelmed confusion. "If you insist."

"I don't insist," Natsu said sharply. "I'm offering."

Gray looked up in surprise. What did he mean? Would he be willing … even that? To bottom, if that was what Gray wanted? What did he even want? He had dreamed strange things, but top and bottom … he just didn't know yet! It was something to think about, and he was already overwhelmed with this new revelation.

Was Natsu even serious? Was he teasing? That kiss had been … strange.

Natsu still hesitated. He figured Gray definitely knew his feelings now. Natsu had to let him decide for himself. It was troublesome, feeling worried, dreading outright rejection, but he slowly turned aside and walked away.

"See ya. Find me when you're ready."

Gray sat there, covering his lips. He was shivering inside now that the warmth was gone. He stared at the grass fluttering in the wind, then up to the clouds in the sky, and finally out to the bay and the sparkling water beyond the Fairy Tail guild hall. His mind rushed as swiftly as a river, his heart floated like a cloud, and he felt rooted to the spot. He had thought about Natsu for so long, but now…

Now … what did all of this mean?

Overwhelmed, he slowly shook his head.

"I don't even know what I want yet," he whispered to himself.

**Next Chapter: "Wounds Deeper Than Blood"**


	28. Wounds Deeper Than Blood

_"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds."_  
_― Laurell K. Hamilton_

 

* * *

Gray strode around town, brooding over the kiss.

Natsu … _kissed_ him.

He had been kissed … by _Natsu_!

It felt unreal. How had that happened? Why? What had Natsu meant by it?

Natsu wasn't even gay! He liked some girl! What the hell was up with that sudden, random, awkward kiss?

Natsu had been forceful, even teasing him into doing more, yet he had kept pulling away and looking ashamed.

Or was it disgusted? At least once, he had looked ready to vomit.

Gray could not wrap his head around it. Was it love? Was it pity? Was it just teasing around?

"Dammit," he whispered to himself. The kiss had been too sudden and too strange. If they could have talked about it, discussed what they thought of this first kiss, if they had time to confirm each other's feelings … but Natsu took off.

Or had he run away?

He was out of town now, off on some mission with Happy, leaving Gray alone to mull over what happened and what to do about this sudden, utterly unexpected development. Gray still half thought that this was a dream, he had imagined the whole thing, maybe he was _still_ dreaming and when he woke up he would have a morning woody and vague memories that he must have dreamed of something nice.

He hoped to Hell this was _not_ another dream!

Natsu had offered to be equals. Or was that offer just Gray's imagination? Had it really been about the kiss, or had what he said applied only to the fight? It had been so vague.

Gray was in the market district, and he glanced through the shirts again since he forgot to buy one earlier that day. He spent so much money on new clothes since his kept getting lost. That usually meant he could get the latest fashion, but today he figured on just buying something off the discount rack. Across from him were two girls also looking at clothes that were for sale.

"Hey, what about this?" one girl asked her friend, holding up a garish shirt. "Do you think my boyfriend will like it?"

"Oh my God, that is so gay!" the friend laughed loudly. "You don't want some lame, gay shirt for your boyfriend. People will think he's weak."

Gray's brow twitched. Did being gay make people think you were weak? He had lost to Natsu again; he did not want people to think he was weak.

Gray turned away from the clothes. He was still not even sure if he was gay, or bisexual, or whatever. He just had fantasies. Highly erotic fantasies! Maybe it was hormones, and that was all. He was young, and maybe it was merely a phase, just curiosity, a desire to experiment with alternatives.

Could that work? Two guys curious about same-sex love, just experimenting, testing out the possibility, without a promise that it could lead to more: could it work and not utterly ruin their friendship? Could they stick to just kisses, maybe touching and sucking each other, without sex and pain and fighting over who topped and who bottomed? He did not want to ruin his friendship with Natsu over some silly curiosity and stupid fantasies.

Natsu was at least curious too, right?

That kiss…

Why had Natsu kissed him in the first place? For what reason? He had to feel the same way, right? A person does not just randomly kiss someone else. There had to be a reason why Natsu would kiss him in the first place.

Two teen boys walked down the Magnolia's main boulevard talking loudly.

"Bro, no way! For reals? You kissed Becky?"

"Yeah, took her first kiss."

"Damn! I didn't think you liked her."

"What? Of course I don't! I felt sorry for her, going on and on about how no guy wants to kiss her. You know, like you see a pathetic kitten crying and you just have to pet it."

"Hah! You wanna pet her pussy."

"Ew! Shut up! I don't even want her as a girlfriend. It was just a kiss, sheesh. But now I feel ashamed. It seemed like she really liked it, so I decided I'd kiss her a bit more."

"Did you use tongue?"

"Hell yeah, tongue and copped a feel of her boob while I was at it. I didn't mean it romantically, just spur of the moment, hormones and shit, bro. But then last night her sister called me up…"

"Ooh, the sexy one?"

"Yeah, and she said Becky thought the kiss meant we were dating. Man, now I gotta tell her it meant nothing and she's gonna cry."

"So date her for a week and then break up."

"Yeah, maybe I should. I don't want her to feel stupid for thinking there was anything more to it. Man, I never should have kissed that ugly girl."

Gray felt a lump in his throat and quickly turned down an alley. Didn't mean it? Ashamed? Just felt sorry? Because the person was having a hard time?

His hand reached up to his mouth and the heat that still lingered there. Was that the reason? Natsu had called him pathetic. He had been trying to cheer Gray up for months now. Was the kiss merely that as well? Just pity?

_"Gray, I … I don't … You're pathetic."_

Natsu had been about to say something. I don't … what? Think this is right? Feel this way? I don't really love you? But then … pathetic! He called Gray pathetic, and then he kissed him anyway.

_"You know, like you see a pathetic kitten crying and you just have to pet it."_

That must be it!

It was the only explanation that made sense. Natsu had kissed him and looked grossed out, then ashamed, and at another point the Dragon Slayer had looked ready to vomit. Obviously, the kiss was disgusting to him. So why continue kissing? It only made sense if Natsu pitied him.

They _all_ pitied him! They had for almost a year now. He saw it in their eyes. When he had been in the wheelchair, he stopped coming to the guild because he hated those gazes filled with pity. Now…

He could not comprehend how low Natsu would go just to make him feel better. Pity had reached a whole new level. It was not enough to give him those sorrowful eyes, or offer his shoulder to cry on, or try to distract him with fights. No, Natsu now _kissed him_ just to cheer him up. He would probably even date Gray if he ever got the courage to confess his feelings to the Dragon Slayer. Maybe that was why he offered to be equals. He would have smelled the arousal on Gray. He probably already knew the truth. Maybe he had always known, always smelled how aroused Gray got just seeing Natsu near him. Yes, definitely it made sense that Natsu would offer to kiss him to cheer him up, kissed him and smelled the increasing arousal from that kiss.

And then he called him pathetic!

But this was Natsu, after all. He would have continued if he knew Gray liked it, even if Natsu himself found the act of kissing a man to be gross. That crazy Fire Dragon Slayer would go to any extreme for the sake of his friends.

Even kissing.

Gray remembered hearing that Natsu had been willing to kiss Lucy just because Asuka wanted to see it. According to Lucy, Natsu acted like a kiss was no big deal to him.

If kissing a gorgeous girl and teammate like Lucy had been no big deal, maybe kissing a man and friendly rival was also not a big deal. After all, Natsu had just walked away. A kiss that incredible, their first kiss, and he just left Gray sitting there, walked away, and left town. What sort of guy just walks away from a kiss like that?

Suddenly, at the other end of the alley, four tough-looking men dragged a scrawny man over and began to punch him. Gray was instantly yanked out of his thoughts at the fight. Then he heard a word that made his blood run cold.

"Faggot!"

The smaller man huddled down and whimpered, "H-Help me! Someone!"

Gray rushed into action.

"Shut up, you fucking faggot," one of the men yelled. "A butt-fucker like you can take a little ass-kicking."

"Yo, idiot!" Gray called over, and the man throwing punches looked around at him. "Hey look, the dog answers when called," he grinned, and then instantly he punched the man in the face. "Put this up your asses, you bastards!"

The fight was one-sided, these men were not used to true battle situations, just stupid brawlers who knew how to fling their fists around. Gray did not even have to use magic; they took off running in under a minute, completely overwhelmed by the Fairy Tail member.

Gray smiled down at the small man. "Ya all right, kid?" He stuck his hand out to help him.

"I … th-thank you," he said, in awe and a little fear of this man who obviously knew how to fight well.

"So long as you're okay. And hey, don't listen to them. It's okay to be gay."

The man's eyes narrowed. "Are you gay?"

"Wh-what?" Gray asked in shock.

"Don't touch me!" he yelled. "I hate anyone who's gay. Thanks to all those butt-loving bastards, I get picked on. Everyone thinks I'm a fag just because I'm small and a bit weak, and people hate me. They beat me up. I lost all of my friends just because of some rumors that I might be gay. No girl wants me because they think I'm more interested in other guys. Even my parents think I'm gay, and my dad kicked me out of the house. I'm not gay!" he screamed. "I've never been gay. Those faggots fucked up my life."

He took off running in tears, and Gray watched him go, stunned by the outburst.

"Sheesh, what a drama queen! I'm not surprised they think that about him," he muttered. However, one thing the small man said had stabbed him like an icicle.

_'I lost all of my friends just because of some rumors that I might be gay.'_

If people found out about him and Natsu kissing…

Even if Natsu wasn't merely pitying him … if by some miracle he had been serious…

What risks were there in something like this? It was something Gray had fretted about for months now. He knew that he might get some harassment, but could he really lose his friends as well? Gray knew he could survive with these confused feelings in his heart, but he could not live in a world without Fairy Tail.

Been there, done that, hated it!

"What do I do?" he asked himself. "Goddammit, Natsu! Why'd you put me into this mess? I'm … I'm _not ready_."

He leaned back against the alley wall and stared out. He remembered scenes from childhood, challenges, stupid fights, and talks he and Natsu had, moments of seriousness when things no child should deal with—like Gray losing his family and Natsu being abandoned by Igneel—weighed on their tiny hearts heavily enough to make rivalries seem stupid. He thought about Galuna Island, when the team truly came together, facing that demon that stole away his family, and Natsu saving him from foolishly using Iced Shell. He remembered the Tower of Heaven, Nirvana, Edolas, Tenrou, so many times when he and Natsu had to fight together to defeat enemies. Then a dark memory, his defeat at the Grand Magic Games, the public humiliation, and Natsu shouting at the crowd in his defense.

He thought about afterwards, Tartartus, Silver, all he lost, all he gained, and fighting side by side with Natsu, putting his trust in the Dragon Slayer and hearing Natsu declare that he had trust in Gray. Then after that, a year to heal from the pain and nightmares, to control the dark power within him, to relax after all the insanity and heartache, with only Juvia there to make sure he found his clothes and ate healthy food. He had to admit, if not for her, he might have succumbed to darkness.

Then that crazy day when Natsu came to take him away from Avatar, how damn stubborn that flame-brain was to have Gray back in Fairy Tail. Once again, they fought back to back, just like when they fought Mard Geer, just like so many times before. A year apart meant nothing to them. They knew each other's fighting styles well after growing up brawling almost every day. They could anticipate what the other wanted and weave their opposing magics together. They bashed each other's faces in when they were with the guild, but when there was an enemy in front of them, nothing could stop fire and ice.

And then he remembered _that day_ , almost one year ago now, that horrific fight, losing most of his leg, the pain of being shot in the chest and gut multiple times, the feeling of his life slipping away, memories of how Natsu had stood over him, protecting him, flames raging in anger. He had been defeated, and Natsu finished the fight Gray could not win on his own. It angered Gray, but Natsu never bragged about it. Natsu had killed the man who almost killed Gray. He had cried over Gray and did all he could to keep him alive.

Gray placed a hand on his stomach. Natsu said he had cauterized the wound so Gray would not bleed out, and he even donated blood when Gray needed surgery. The Ice-Make wizard shivered a little to think that he had Natsu's blood within his body.

Then a summery smile came into his memory. Warmth. Blazing eyes. Passionate kisses.

"Dammit!" He punched the wall and cracked the bricks. "What do I do? Why did you…? Goddammit, Natsu!" he seethed. "Do you have feelings for me or not? Why did you keep looking disgusted? Why do it at all if it was gross to you? Is this just because you pity me still? You called me pathetic! I can never surpass you. I fall, and you stand over me. Just like back then. Fuck!"

As he stood there shaking with confused emotions, Gajeel came up the street. He smelled Gray's scent and looked around for the chronic stripper. Then he saw a shadow in the alley. By the blood on Gray's knuckles, Gajeel assumed he must have just been in a fight.

"Yo, you didn't kill anyone, did you, gihihi?" he asked, coming over to the alley.

Gray glanced up and saw the Iron Dragon Slayer. Dammit! He was not in the mood to talk with anyone right now.

"What's up with you, ice prick? You're not still crying over Juvia, are ya?"

Juvia! At that moment, Gray wished he could have something simple and easy to understand, like having a girlfriend instead of these strange feelings for a male teammate.

"Am I pathetic?" he muttered mostly to himself.

Gajeel arched a metallic eyebrow at the question. "What, did you lose a fight? Don't tell me it was against Salamander."

Gray grunted in fury. "You automatically think I'd lose to him, huh?" he grumbled. "Am I that weak?"

"You're not weak, Gray," Gajeel stated stolidly. "I've seen you fight. You're pretty strong. You're still recovering, though. You took a hell of a beating last year, but you're making a comeback. That shows perseverance. I respect that," he said firmly. "It's fine if you lose a couple of brawls. Everyone understands."

Gray's eyes flashed up coldly. "Understands?" he whispered in a hiss. "What, exactly? What the hell do you all _understand_? You don't understand _anything_ about me."

"Man, chill," Gajeel scoffed. "We all know it takes time to heal. Some wounds run deeper than blood."

His eyes narrowed spitefully. "You're saying I'm internally scarred, weak, some pathetic invalid who should _take it easy_."

"That's not what I mean at all, dumb ass! Sheesh, what's got your panties in a wad?"

Suddenly, Gajeel felt himself blasted against the opposite alley wall and pinned in ice. He was so cold, it felt like his piercings might shatter. Gray approached him slowly with frost smoking around his body and a chilling glare in his stormy eyes.

"I'll show you I'm not weak. I'll show him. I'll show _everyone_. I'm not some pathetic invalid you can just fuck around with."

"Gray … what the hell?" Gajeel shouted in anger and confusion. Just what happened to him? He rarely saw the levelheaded ice wizard this angry.

"If I have to freeze my feelings, freeze my heart, freeze my very soul to get stronger, I will. I'll get strong enough, no matter what it takes. I will never lose to that flaming bastard again, and I won't _ever_ let him treat me like some pathetic idiot who needs his sympathy and pity."

Gajeel grinned. "So then you did lose to Salamander. Gihihi! I would've loved to see _that_ match!"

Gray suddenly punched him so hard, Gajeel blacked out for a moment, and his head hung down limply. "I won't ever lose to him again, especially not … _this_ way." He swirled and marched away.

The ice crackled apart, and Gajeel almost fell to the ground. He slowly straightened up and rubbed out his jaw. "Icy bastard." He shouted after Gray, "I hope he melts you into a puddle, ya damn snowman!"

Then he looked around. At least no one saw their confrontation. He would never hear the end of it if people found out that the guy who still struggled to run from one end of town to the other had captured him in ice and gotten in a free punch.

And _damn_ , Gray could punch! His arms had gotten strong during his time in a wheelchair. If Gray punched that hard, Gajeel wondered how Natsu managed to beat him.

"Fucking Salamander. Gray's supposed to be _your_ rival, like you're mine. Bastard, leaving him to me like this." He scoffed at the whole thing and took off to find somewhere warm. It seriously felt like Gray nearly froze his blood.

**Next Chapter: "Aren't You Ashamed?"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The fight in the alley, and the small man who hates homosexuals because everyone assumes he's gay, is based on a true story. I tried to help a man who was getting harassed. I made the mistake of assuming he really was gay, tried to encourage him that it's okay, he could be openly gay around me, I would not judge him. I thought I was being supportive. Instead, I inadvertently triggered something and got verbally attacked. From what I gleaned, that guy had been viciously harassed all his life, purely due to people falsely assuming he was homosexual. He had a lifetime of abuse, lost his friends, even lost family. He feared that if he was around gay people and LGBTA supporters like me, it would "prove he was gay." If that happened, he was terrified that he would lose the few friends he had left. It's truly sad that homophobia can ruin the lives of people who aren't even homosexual._


	29. Aren't You Ashamed?

_"I'd rather be hit with fists than harsh words. They do less damage."_  
_― Anonymous_

 

* * *

Natsu was distracted all through his mission with Happy. He had an uncanny feeling that he should not have left. Every time he looked off and saw snowy mountains, he got a shiver, like something bad was happening while he was not around.

However, stalking Gray for two weeks had a bad side effect: they were out of money and out of food. He and Happy needed to do this mission purely for the money. He had estimated it would take only two days, time to go down there, do the mission, and then walk back home. When the mission took longer, he began fretting. He even opted to take the train back despite his motion sickness, just so he could get home sooner.

His gut told him something was seriously wrong, and he anxiously wanted to get back home to find out.

When he burst into the guild, he immediately looked around and saw a shirtless, muscular back. At least Gray was here and not out on a date.

Still nervous, Natsu went to Lucy first. "How's it going?"

She jolted from a journal she was writing. "Natsu! Welcome back."

"Did I miss anything?"

"No. You were only gone for a few days."

He glanced over to Gray again. "So, nothing happened? No new developments? No changes?"

"Um, no?" she said questioningly. Then she saw where he was focusing. "No rumors about anything at all, not even people hooking up with a date," she said, hoping that helped.

"Good, good."

"Did something happen? Some development?" she asked softly.

Pouting, Natsu muttered, "I'm not sure about that yet."

He stood and began walking up to that bare back sitting at the bar. His heart raced wildly. How could he approach this issue? He almost wanted to run off to Rei-chan and ask her for advice again, but he knew that this time he was on his own.

"Gray?"

He jolted and looked back. The stormy blue eyes widened in shock, pink tinted his cheeks, but then Gray quickly looked away. "Hey," he grumbled.

"Look, um … about before. I … I didn't—"

"Shut up," Gray whispered. His fist slowly clenched.

Natsu jolted. He wanted to tell Gray he did not mean to leave like that, but there was no helping it. He had forgotten that Happy mentioned about taking a mission, and it was just bad timing. Then he wondered if maybe Gray felt embarrassed, having a conversation like this in front of everyone.

Yes, that must be it! It was something they should discuss in private.

How could they escape together and not have everyone questioning it?

"Hey, how about we finish that fight?" Natsu said cheerfully. "We were interrupted and—"

"I said … shut … up," Gray snarled.

Natsu felt a chill, and he noticed a drink on the bar starting to frost over. "Gray?" No reply. "Gray, are you okay?" He put his hand on the bare arm, but Gray yanked it away.

"Stay the hell away from me," he screamed, slashing his arm out and sending a frosty wave in front of him that froze Natsu's hand and blasted away some mugs sitting on tables.

Natsu shivered, not from cold, but from fear. What had happened? He thought he made his feelings clear during that kiss. Even if Gray rejected them, a person would not normally react this angrily. What happened while he was gone?

"What's wrong with you?" he asked worriedly.

"No, what's wrong with _you_?" Gray sneered at him. "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"

Those spiteful words shocked Natsu, and he started to panic internally. "G-Gray, what are you—?"

"You think that low of your friends, huh?"

"Hey!" Natsu shouted. "I don't know what your problem is, but don't you dare accuse me of looking down on my friends. After all that I did for you…"

Gray shook his head and hissed in anger, "You just pity me."

He suddenly stormed out of the guild hall as his magic began to lose control. A frosty wake followed in his path, icing every drink in the guild hall, even Cana's massive barrel of sake. As he stepped out into the August sun, it felt too hot, too goddamn hot! With a roar of frustration, he threw a punch at the sky, and a burst of blue magic shot up. It hit a cloud, which grew, darkened, and covered over all of Magnolia. The temperature plummeted. People around town shouted as the warm summer day froze into a blustery winter and snow began to fall from the sky. Children in shorts and sandals cried as they rubbed their arms and raced into the nearest building. Gray glared around as the world turned cold.

When Natsu ran out of the guild, it stunned him to see snow on the ground and a blizzard raging on an August afternoon.

"Gray!" he shouted over the fierce, icy winds. He pulled his scarf up a little higher. "Gray, stop this. Let's talk."

The ice wizard twirled around and glared at him. "Do I look that miserable to you, Natsu? Am I so pathetic that you'd show pity on me in the most degrading way possible?"

"Wh-what?" The snow had already drifted up on his shoulders. "What'd I do?"

"You know damn well what you did!"

"No, I don't. Gray—"

"Kissing me!" he bellowed. "Have you no fucking shame? Using me like that when I'm weak and desperate! You lowlife bastard!"

Natsu's mouth dropped in shock, and hurt clouded his eyes. "I … I didn't—"

"Did you think I'm such a slut, I'd go for just anyone?"

"Wha-? Of course not!" Natsu shouted.

"You've been on my case since those two girls in that northern resort town. You think I fuck anyone at all, don't you?"

"No!"

"Did you really think I would want _you_ of all people?"

Natsu felt himself breaking. He knew rejection was a possibility, but this…!

"I … I thought you—"

"You fucking _pinned me down_ , and then you … you kissed me so … so…"

So ambivalently! Like he wasn't even sure if he wanted it! There was no way Natsu honestly would want it! No way! He was just a dragon showing dominance.

Natsu's throat choked up. He had smelled the arousal during that kiss, though. He really thought Gray wanted it. He had acted like he did. He said he wanted more! So why was Gray saying this now?

Natsu dropped his head. "If you're not interested in me, you just had to say so." Then his eyes flared in rage. "You don't have to attack the whole town." He leaped forward and punched Gray across the face. "And you didn't have to _insult me!_ " His fist bashed into Gray's face again.

Gray pounded Natsu in the chest with a ram of ice. "I'm the one insulted, pinned down, forced! What a friend you are, using your own teammate for your perverted mindgames."

"Bastard!" Natsu screamed. He roughly grabbed Gray's neck and yanked him forward. Natsu's eyes stared dangerously into Gray's. "After all that I did for you, all I sacrificed for your sake, don't you dare call me a terrible friend! I will beat you right here until you take back your words, you fucking droopy-eyed bastard!"

Gray choked and sputtered. He grabbed Natsu's wrist and began to freeze his whole arm. "Let … me … go!"

Natsu punched him just as he released Gray's throat, sending him flying backward. Flames flickered around Natsu as he huffed in anger.

"Stop the storm at least," Natsu said levelly. "I won't bother you anymore."

"See!" Gray shouted. "You were teasing me, and that's all. You're not serious about this. You're never serious about _anything_."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're giving up so easily."

"Why should I fight if you're rejecting me?" he said in anguish. "You can't force someone to love you. You're telling me clearly this time. You're popular with girls, and you were happy with Juvia, so of course you wouldn't be interested in a guy. I have to respect that. That's … that's what you do when you … when you l-love someone," he whispered. "You respect their feelings, even if those feelings don't include you."

Gray wavered for a moment. Wait, was Natsu crying? Was he actually serious about this? Although that was one of the most mature things he had ever heard come out of Natsu's mouth, it was also one of the saddest voices he had ever heard him use.

"You hated it, didn't you?" Gray asked quietly. "After you kissed me, you looked sick, ready to vomit."

"I shouldn't have done it that way," Natsu muttered.

"Shouldn't … have?" Gray felt shocked by the seriousness of his tone and stared back in shock, unable to yell back. "Wait, what way?"

Natsu clenched his fists as his head stayed low, his bangs hiding his eyes as he spoke slowly. "Forceful like that. It was wrong, and it made me so angry at myself, I felt sick. I wanted to give you the best kiss in the world, something you'd never forget, and instead … instead … I just forced you. And you didn't even want it."

"Wait, I … I didn't…" He _did_ want it! He thought Natsu was the one who hated it.

Natsu continued bitterly, "Y'know, I wanted to give up on you. I've tried to ignore it before, but now … I've had _enough_ of you! Go have whatever sort of life you want, marry some lady, have thirty babies for all I care." He swung his arms out and shouted, "I'm done!" He turned around to leave.

Gray reached out and grabbed his arm, but Natsu did not turn back around. He glanced out at the snow. This was a reflection of Gray's feelings. How cold and lonely!

"Don't tell me you're surrendering and running away!" the ice wizard screamed.

Natsu yanked his arm out of that cold grip and turned back with a fierce tone. "It's you who's running away!" He saw Gray's face change into a worried expression.

Nervously, Gray asked, "What do you mean?"

Natsu eyed him before he replied, "You keep running away … from me."

Gray's anxiety increased, and a drop of sweat fell down the side of his head.

Natsu felt calmer now, and he said softly, "You probably think I'm an idiot, falling for you of all people. And yeah, it's stupid," he admitted bitterly. He stared at Gray with narrow eyes. "You say you don't want me. Fine! You don't have to worry anymore. I've given up."

Gray jolted. "What?" he whispered in shock.

"You heard me. I'm surrendering. I showed you how I feel, I was finally honest, and you gave me your reply. I can't make you love me, so … I surrender. I won't feel that way about you anymore."

"H-hey! Wait!" Gray shouted.

"You should be happy, right?" Natsu shouted. "I won't be disgusting to you anymore. I was honest, I got pushed away, so I give up. I'm not wasting my time being caught up in these crazy emotions. I'm done! I don't care anymore."

Gray grabbed him by the scarf. "Don't lie."

Natsu shoved him hard until Gray stumbled back into the souvenir stand. "I'm sick of this," he screamed. "I'm sick of being confused, being scared of what you'll think of me. You don't want me? Then I'm done with it. We can go back to being rivals and arguing and none of this emotional bullshit." Natsu sneered and turned his face away as tears stung in his eyes. "Why would anyone have any feelings for a droopy-eyed bastard like you? And why would you want some idiot like me? You deserve better. You should go back to Juvia."

"I don't want Juvia," Gray yelled.

"Then fuck whoever you want," Natsu screamed. "Fuck as many girls as you want. I'm sick of it, and I don't care anymore."

"Stop lying!"

Gray punched him. Natsu lost his balance in the snow, and Gray barreled toward him, shouldering him in the stomach and thrusting him back. Natsu felt his back slam into the brick wall surrounding the guild grounds.

"Do you know who's sick of being confused?" Gray screamed. "Me!"

Before Natsu could yell back, he was silenced with a forceful kiss. His eyes widened in shock. Why would Gray kiss him? What sort of response was this?

Gray pulled back a little, breathing hard, and whispered in anguish, "I'm the one who's confused about you, idiot. You keep lying, keep walking away, keep leaving me feeling mixed up. How the hell am I supposed to deal with this alone if you surrender?" Then he sealed their lips again with a gentler, passionate kiss.

Natsu's tension eased as he melted into the kiss. Gray's tongue tapped Natsu's lips, and slowly he parted them. The two tongues that had longed for each other for so many months now glided against each other as their hands explored. Natsu groaned as Gray crushed his body against the wall, and those icy fingers slipped up under his shirt, tingling his skin.

Gray was kissing him, truly kissing him back! Natsu wondered if this was just another dream, or if it would end in another fight.

Finally, they pulled back, panting and out of breath. They stared into each other's eyes as their hearts raced.

In sorrow, Gray asked, "Do you really not care about me?"

Saddened that he had said those lies just to fool himself, Natsu shook his head.

"Then tell me how you feel," he pleaded. "Tell me honestly. No teases, no jokes, no brushing it off as nothing important. Tell me! And be blunt enough so I understand."

Being forced to say it made Natsu shiver. He opened his mouth, but the words stuck. His cheeks grew hotter as he struggled to confess.

"I'm … in love with you."

"Is that the honest truth?"

Slowly, Natsu nodded.

After a few seconds of silence, Gray spoke again. "Since when? How long have you kept this from me?"

Natsu thought back to when it began. "Sometime after you were injured, that's when it started."

"You mean my legs," Gray realized. That was last year! "You should have said something."

"Like what? I didn't understand how I felt, or what to do, or … or _anything_! I've never felt like this toward a man. It's _terrifying_ to realize I'm not like everyone else."

Gray's mouth dropped, realizing he had thought the exact same thing every day for months now. He thought he had been the only one frightened by these feelings, a desire for the same sex, something he never experienced before in his life.

"Right from the start," Natsu continued, "I knew you wouldn't want me. Be honest, Gray. If I had said 'I love you' back then, when you were still in a wheelchair, would you have gone out with me?"

Gray said nothing, because he knew the truth. He had been mad at Natsu during that time, since he lost in the fight, and Natsu had won. If Natsu had confessed back then, Gray would have just laughed and mocked him.

"So what was I supposed to do, huh?" Natsu asked bitterly.

"But you didn't do anything at all. Back then, all this time, even now, you … you could have done _something_ to clue me in."

"I did!" he shouted. "I tried to take care of you, I ran all over Fiore to find a way to heal you, and I—" His words cut off sharply. He almost admitted that he had nearly died to give Gray his leg back, but Natsu was not ready to admit to that sacrifice, not yet. Now was the worst time to admit to something like that and make Gray feel guilty.

"You took a fucking prostitute!" Gray screamed. "Do you have any idea how mad that made me?"

"I have an idea." Natsu glared up. "I was fully aware while in a coma, and I heard you ask out Juvia. I was pissed as hell, and I couldn't escape my own mind while listening to you abandon me for her. So yeah, Gray. I have an idea about how mad it can make a person when someone they like hooks up with someone else purely to escape reality."

"Shit," Gray whispered.

He had wondered about that time, and he had started to go to the hospital to ask Natsu if it was true. Rei-chan had stopped him, riled him up, and he ended up going home instead … to masturbate to the fantasy of Natsu.

Gray grabbed the pink scalp and rested his forehead against Natsu's. "You idiot. Why did you keep silent about it all this time?"

Natsu said nothing as he remembered all of his lone torture.

"For all those months, Natsu! For months! _You_ were pushing _me_ away!" he accused. "You're a goddamn bastard, making me think it was a girl. How can you expect me to believe you honestly feel that way about me when all along … all those things you said … always making me think it was someone else! Those things you said about what it's like to be in love. That was all about _me_ , wasn't it?"

That was true. Natsu loved him, but he had shoved Gray aside, even took another stripper, all on the pretense of preparing himself for Gray. He had decided to let Gray keep thinking the person he loved was a woman purely so he would never be bothered with the notion that the person tormenting his heart was Gray himself. That decision in the end hurt Gray's feelings.

"You idiot," Gray sobbed. "I thought I couldn't say anything because you were in love with some girl."

Natsu finally looked up. "Couldn't say anything?" he repeated.

"I tried so many times to question you, trying to see if maybe it was actually me, but whenever I said it was a girl, you never said it wasn't. You were lying! This whole goddamn time, you let me believe a lie."

"I never said it was a girl."

"You never said it _wasn't_ ," Gray screamed. "So what else was I supposed to think? Everything you did, I thought it was just teases. Even as I began to feel … _something_ … whenever I tried to hint around at it, you just laughed it off, said it was weird, or … or _teased_ me!"

"How the hell did I tease you?" Natsu snapped.

"Remember that arm wrestling contest? You won because you winked and blew a kiss, and I was so fucking messed up that I lost myself. But then you just gloated. You had just been playing around. And then that kiss, I thought it was just more teasing, and I _hate_ that. I seriously hate the idea that you were just teasing me again, or that maybe you were kissing me out of pity, like how everyone else has been bending over backwards to cater to me out of pity. I hated the idea that you, of all people, would stoop that low. I've been messed up with my emotions for months, and the most I could get out of you were your damn teases."

Natsu's eyes grew wide. "Months?" Had Gray truly been feeling this way for that long? All this time as Natsu feared that confessing would push Gray away, the ice wizard had been fearing the exact same thing.

"That's why I was so angry," Gray gnashed, "because I thought you'd go so far at teasing me, you'd even do that. Kissing me!"

"I was waiting."

"For what?" Gray bellowed.

"For a sign. A word, a look, anything! Even if I could have just smelled a change in you, that would have been enough. I waited and waited until I was going mad, and I hated you for that, hated you for … for confusing me with these feelings, and then running off with Juvia, leaving me to sort it out alone."

Natsu slammed his eyes shut. He did not want to blame Juvia for this—she was innocent—and he could not really blame Gray when he also had never said the words to make Gray realize the person he was interested in was not a girl, but a man. All he had to do was correct a single pronoun: she to he.

"Then," he said softer, "I thought maybe that kiss on the hill was enough to show you, and I hoped you'd like it. I really thought you did. I thought your smell changed. But just now, you shoved me away." Tears came to Natsu's eyes, and he squeezed them tighter, trying to force them back, wishing he could simply burn them away. "I thought you hated it, and hated me, and … and this was the rejection I've been dreading all this time. Goddammit, do you know how much that _hurt_ , taking such a massive chance, throwing myself at your mercy, _showing_ you how I feel since I'm no good with words, only to be told I should feel ashamed of myself? I … it was…" His cheeks were wet now, and he hated the pain still burning in his heart.

Gray pulled Natsu closer until his body brushed against the solid, hot chest. "Shit. We're both goddamn idiots."

"I wanted you!" Natsu sobbed, unable to hold back anymore. He grabbed around Gray, holding him, as if he might melt away into yet another dream. "So much, for so long, and … and you turned me down … you stupid stripper!"

"Not this time," Gray whispered. He caressed Natsu's cheek and tipped his chin up. "I've been such an asshole. I'm the one who's ashamed."

Their lips sealed again in a tender kiss. Natsu's tears dried up. He slowly held Gray, pulling him in, realizing this was really, truly happening. He felt Gray's bare back, rubbing his hands over the cold skin. Without warning, Natsu grabbed him, yanking him forward. Gray ran his hand through Natsu's hair, pulling it slightly to tilt Natsu's head up so they could deepen the kiss.

They both had fantasies of doing this with each other. They had yearned for one another for too long. Now, being caught in the moment, they could not stop. Their breaths got raspier, and their bodies felt hotter with every touch. The raging blizzard hid them from view, the snow fluttered around, yet the Dragon Slayer's warmth was enough for them both.

Natsu's feelings for dominance surged. He grabbed Gray and roughly pressed him back, smashing into the souvenir cart again until the wooden pillars groaned. As he dived down for another kiss, their groins brushed over each other. Natsu made a slight thrust, and Gray's head jerked back, making him break the kiss to moan at that heat rubbing his aching arousal.

"Damn, you sound sexy," Natsu groaned in a husky, half-snarling voice. "Do you want this?" He was not leaving anything to chance anymore. He would not be forceful only to feel guilty. Natsu was determined to ask, get consensus for every action, so he knew if this was something Gray also wanted.

"Yes," Gray hissed.

Fire surged through Natsu's heart. Yes! He wanted it! For certain this time, _he wanted it!_

He pushed Gray harder, and the ice wizard was forced back, bowing his spine until his shoulders laid across a table lined with plush dolls of the various guild members. Natsu leaned over him, caging him in with his arms, and thrust his burning mouth onto the swollen lips. Gray felt trapped, just like in his dreams about the icy tower, but this time the dragon was tearing down the walls, warming his heart, the land, the lake, the sunflower fields, and all the frost was melting. The blizzard around them stopped, clouds parted, and the sun shined down, glittering off the frosted land. Gray shuddered as the summer sun's heat penetrated him.

"Natsu," he moaned. He wanted more. More heat. More … penetrating … heat.

Gray shivered as Natsu made another thrust against him and slid along the stiffness growing in his pants. His throat clenched as a whine bubbled up. Natsu's lips hungrily went to Gray's neck to taste him. His tongue licked up, tasting sweaty salt, a tang of some aftershave he had begun to associate with Gray's smell, and something else, a taste of flesh and pure Fullbuster.

"Is here okay?" he asked.

Gray nodded rapidly, grasping at Natsu's shoulders.

Those burning lips sucked lightly, seeking out any good spots. He knew he found one when Gray's hands clawed into him, and his throat choked up. Smiling to himself, Natsu drew back his lips, exposed his sharp canines, and softly dragged he teeth over the skin in a bite not meant to leave a mark, but mentally he was still claiming Gray.

"H-hey!" Gray shivered.

"Is it okay?" he asked, licking that spot again, wanting to put a mark there.

"No!" Gray cried out.

Natsu pouted, but he obeyed. Gray was not ready to be claimed yet, or maybe it was because the neck was so visible, and he stripped from his clothes so often. In any case, if Gray said no, he would refrain.

"Just—" Gray took Natsu's cheeks in both hands and pulled him up from his neck. "Just this much for now."

Natsu leaned down and kissed him again. "This much?"

"Yeah," Gray sighed softly. "This. This is good." He loved the taste of Natsu's cinnamon-fiery mouth.

Natsu kissed him with the fervency he had wanted to show Gray the first time, but on the hill he had feared rejection, feared his own aggressiveness, and tried to back away. Now, he felt how Gray pulled at him, arms grasping, and the smell … there was no questioning the smell this time. His hands went up to Gray's face to take away the desire to touch elsewhere, places they could get to another day when they were not out in the open. One hand hooked around Gray's jaw, tilting his head up, while the other played through the black hair as they kissed.

Again, Gray felt a pressure on his lips, the hand on his jaw tried to urge him to open, and Gray lost the will to fight this. He shut his eyes and felt ice cracking apart inside of him, crumbling under the heat of that tongue and the pressure of Natsu's body.

He really did hear a crack from somewhere. The souvenir stand tilted a bit more.

As Gray's mind defrosted, he began to think too much. Kissing women never made him think like this, but Natsu was different. All of this was different. This changed everything. Him. Them. The team. It would all change. That terrified him, yet every time that fear tried to freeze him, Natsu's fingers scraped his scalp, or his hand stroked over the stubble of his cheeks, and Gray melted all over again.

Freezing. Melting. Over and over. Chaotic. Terrifying. Needed!

"Gray."

Just the way Natsu said his name with such warmth sent a tremble through him.

"I want…"

Gray heard another crack. Suddenly, the entire souvenir stand began to lean over dangerously.

"Oh shit!" Natsu yelled.

He yanked away from the kiss and tried to grab at the shelves falling over, dumping their inventory, but too late. The whole building was collapsing. Gray grabbed Natsu out of the way, yanking him to his chest to protect him from getting buried as the whole structure crashed down, shattering everything stored inside.

"Are you okay?" Gray asked Natsu.

He knocked a keychain charm of Mira off his shoulder. "Yeah, you?"

"You're a reckless idiot."

Natsu had to laugh. He really was reckless.

Suddenly, they heard voices from inside the guild hall.

"Hey, the storm stopped."

"What was that crash?"

"My stand!"

"Boys!"

That shout from Erza scared them more than being found by their guild mates or facing Max for destroying his prized souvenir stand. Natsu grabbed Gray's hand and yanked him away.

Lucy stepped outside into the snow just in time to see a flutter of a white scarf and Gray being dragged out the gate by the hand. She smiled to herself. About time!

Erza came up beside her. "It seems they finally sorted things out."

Lucy nodded. "Took them long enough."

"It's not easy, confessing your love to someone that a part of you feels you should hate, yet being unable to completely hate them."

Lucy glanced up at the redhead and wondered if she meant Jellal. He had done some horrible things to them all, especially to Erza, yet it was obvious the two had feelings for each other.

Down by the souvenir stand, Max fell to his knees in front of the ruined merchandise and sobbed over a broken action figure.

"My stand!" he wailed.

Mira walked up to him with an apologetic smile. "Nothing to do but clean it up and rebuild."

She handed him the broom and dust pan. Max clutched his broom to his chest as he sobbed.

 **Next Chapter: "Under the Shade of a Tree** "


	30. Under the Shade of a Tree

_"In the midst of love, within my gaze,_  
_in everything, I can't see but one thing,_  
_no shade of tree, no blade of grass,_  
_only a vision of you."_  
_— Emperor Fushimi_

 

* * *

Natsu dragged Gray along. People were beginning to peek out from where they hid during the freak blizzard. The frosty roads were melting, water trickled along the gutters, and slushes of ice and snow slid down the eaves of buildings to plop moistly on the ground where they melted back into the earth. Natsu's feet stopped crunching on ice and began to pound on wet asphalt. By the time they turned off the road and ran down to the river, the snow was all gone and the world glimmered in wet beads of dew.

Natsu immediately pressed Gray up against a tree by the riverbank and began to kiss him with the same passion as earlier. However, now Gray flailed out.

"Wait," he tried to say, but the scalding tongue attempted to mute him. He pressed his hands on Natsu's chest and shouted, "I said wait!"

Natsu stepped back in surprise. Gray wiped a hand over his mouth and huffed to catch his breath. Kissing Natsu was physically and emotionally exhausting!

"Look, I'm _glad_ you feel this way about me," he said, shaking a bit inside. "I am, honestly. And … I … I feel … the same," he said awkwardly. "I really do."

Natsu sensed there was more to come, and not good. "But?" he asked expectantly.

"But … I don't know about this yet," he confessed. "It's something I need to think about."

Natsu let out a grunt of frustration. "We've been spending months thinking about it on our own. We both held back because we didn't know how each other felt. Now we do!" he cried out, but all he got was an ambivalent shake of the head. "Come on, Gray!" he shouted. "We like each other. What's the problem?"

Gray glared up at him. "The _problem_ is that now it's not a matter of just fantasizing. It's real, it's here, and … fuck, I really don't know what to do."

Natsu shrugged as if it was obvious. "Go out with me."

"No!"

Gray gasped as soon as he shouted it, and he glanced up in fear. Sure enough, Natsu looked hurt by the rejection.

"I … I don't mean—" _Fuck, wrong thing to say!_ "I need time, Natsu. I need to think about this. I'm not gay and— This whole thing, it changes everything."

Natsu nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, it does. Do you want it, though?" he asked cautiously. "Do you want … me?"

Gray closed his eyes and turned his face away. Voices were shouting in his head, protests against it, screams for it, a desperate voice begging to kiss and make out some more, one that sounded slick and sensual telling him how hot Natsu's body was and how good it would feel to be inside or even to have Natsu thrust inside of him, and yet another voice shrieking that there was no way in hell he could put a dick into his ass.

Gray rubbed the tension out of his forehead, trying to push away those clamorous voices. Softly, his words shaking, he said, "I don't … _not_ want you. I like you."

He finally looked up and saw the silly happiness in that face he knew so well, this boy he had grown up with, a rival and friend for more than half his life. He ached that he could not shove the doubts aside, grab Natsu, and give in. He wanted to, yet his heart was not ready.

"You need to give me time!" he pleaded. "Just a few days. I really need to think about this. Now that I know how you feel, I—" He clenched his teeth and groaned in frustration that he could not figure out how to say what he was feeling inside. "I'm not turning you down. That's not it." He at least wanted to make that clear. "I … I want … _something_ with you. Just how much, though: that's what I need to figure out."

"But you do want me?" Natsu asked, wanting to make sure. "You like me?"

Gray's face softened as he reached forward and caressed Natsu's cheek. "Yes. I like you. But I need to sort out some things in my head."

Natsu did not really get it. Gray said he had felt this way toward him for months, and he knew his own desires for the raven-haired man had lasted almost a year. That was more than enough time for Natsu to think about it. If they liked each other, what was the problem?

Then again, he could not force Gray into anything. Natsu had already stolen somnolent kisses from Gray and touched him without consent. There was no way he would fall into that again. If Gray needed some time, he would respect that.

"Got it," he said, taking another step back to show he was freeing Gray from this storm of passion they had started to brew. "Can I ask you something?" Gray looked up in silent questioning. "Do you feel bothered by it? By me? You know, both of us being guys. Is it … disgusting? Are you ashamed at the idea of liking a man?"

Gray flinched. He had said some awful things to Natsu earlier, things he never should have said, all out of fear and pride. "I—" He gulped hard and fisted his hands to stop their trembling. "It felt good. Kissing you. I liked it." Hell, he had gotten hard from Natsu's kisses alone! "It's not disgusting, but … but maybe part of the issue really is gender. I've never fallen for a man and … fuck, Natsu, it's terrifying! Especially you." Gray cringed right after he said that. "I don't mean _you_ , not like there's a problem with you specifically, but … as my teammate, my friend. Falling for someone like that. It makes this even more of a challenge."

"I get it," Natsu smiled sympathetically. He knew precisely how Gray felt. He had also felt fear when he realized he was having lustful desires for his teammate. "If it makes things any easier, Lucy and Erza already know I feel like this about you, and they're fine with it."

"They know?" Gray cried out in horror.

Natsu gave a sheepish shrug. "Lucy said I was making it obvious. Remember dinner with Loke at 8-Island? She set that up hoping we'd go out on a date."

Gray had to laugh. Honestly, hearing that those two approved really did make this easier. One of his greatest fears over the past few days was that he might lose all of his friends if they thought he was disgusting for liking a man. Maybe not everyone would approve—hell, not everyone approved of him and Juvia being together—but at least he had the support of his team. Erza could put everyone else in line.

Natsu began to blush. "Hey, um … do you want more? Just kissing?" He twisted his toe into the ground nervously. "You're a really good kisser."

Gray blushed in a way he never had before when girls told him he kissed good. Normally, he boasted about his ability to kiss a girl to make her melt. This time, he felt sub-par compared to the Fire Dragon Slayer. Natsu's kisses were absolutely phenomenal, fiery and passionate and exhausting. Hearing that such an amazing kisser liked his own simple kisses made Gray warm inside.

"I … I'd like … more," he muttered. "Eventually." When he looked at Natsu's face, he could no longer hold back. "Constantly," he sighed in confession. He reached forward and pulled Natsu closer by the hips. "I keep fantasizing about kissing you," he said breathlessly, taking Natsu's face into his hands and lowering his eyes to those waiting lips. In a whisper, he moaned, "I already want more."

He pulled Natsu in for another kiss. He could physically feel the radiating heat from Natsu's body rising as their lips softly smacked and their tongues intertwined. He loved hearing the soft groans from the Dragon Slayer, and that spicy taste was already becoming something he craved.

Gray yanked his face away. "But I need to take this slowly," he shouted, panting as his groin screamed at him to shut up, stop thinking, stop analyzing, and just fuck Natsu senseless. "I want more, I really do, but I'm … I'm not … really sure about a few things."

"Like what?" asked Natsu, rubbing his hands up Gray's bare chest and feeling the muscles under the skin. "We can talk about it."

"No," Gray cringed, and he pushed away Natsu's tempting hands. "Things for the future, when we … um … do … more." His voice faded as a blush brightened on his cheeks. That part really scared him.

"You mean sex? We don't have to do anything like _that_ for a while."

"But you want to eventually, right?"

Gray looked up at him, and Natsu gulped as he realized, given the chance, he would absolutely want to go all the way.

"A part of me already wants to," Gray admitted quietly. "Eventually, at least. But I'm not sure yet."

"Gray, that's in the future."

He shouted in frustration, "I don't want to plunge in if I don't know for sure that I can make the distance."

Natsu pouted that this was obviously hard on Gray, and he wished he could make it easier. "I told you, we're equals in this."

"Which means I would have to receive as much as I give," Gray awkwardly pointed out.

"Receive? Oh! I see," Natsu smiled, understanding now what worried him. "If you want to … um … to _give_ all the time at first, that's okay too. We can build up to the rest."

"No. That wouldn't be fair," Gray muttered.

"It'll balance out eventually. Even if you decide that you only want to top, that's also fine with me. I don't care who does what, so long as we have fun doing it and we both like it. Besides, I'm not thinking about sex right now. Eventually it'd be nice, but that's not all there is to this."

"I know," Gray cringed. He did not want to seem like he just wanted Natsu for his body. That wasn't it at all! "It's just one of the things I'm unsure about."

"Then take your time, and we'll go slow. If there's anything you don't like along the way, we won't do it, easy as that. I'm just relieved you even feel this way. I was so scared," he laughed diffidently. "Kissing you on that hill … damn, that was terrifying."

Gray chuckled quietly in agreement. Somehow, laughing about it made this less scary.

"You really surprised me today, though," said Natsu. "Kissing me out of nowhere."

"You were about to leave me. What else could I do?"

Natsu looked at him with wary sadness. "You could have let me go."

Gray flinched inside. One of the voices in his head shrieked, ' _Let him go? No way! Not an option!_ ' In a reticent voice, he muttered, "No. No, I couldn't."

With a tender smile, Natsu's hand reached out and touched Gray's upper arm. Gray flinched back and crossed his arms over his chest, shielding his heart from melting too suddenly.

"I won't do anything weird," Natsu promised, reaching out again. "I just wanna feel here."

Gray shivered as that hot hand rested on his arm again. The touch conjured up instincts, desires, salacious fantasies that he was not ready to plunge into. Dreams were one thing, but reality held true risks. In the past, Gray never bothered taking his time with girls. Even his first few girlfriends had been a whirlwind of passion and physical discoveries.

This was different, though. Totally different.

It wasn't a girl. It wasn't even some random man. It was Natsu! His friend. His rival. His teammate. It changed everything, and that change—every awful thing that could happen if this did not work out—made him hesitate.

"Just this," Natsu whispered soothingly, like speaking to a wild horse. His fingers squeezed Gray's arm a little tighter.

The contact made Gray tremble inside. He wanted to pull away, and he wanted to fall into those arms. He wanted to scream " _Stop it_ ," and he wanted to beg " _Kiss me again_."

"Thank you for being honest, Gray."

He scoffed at the praise. "I'm not honest at all. Not with myself."

"What do you honestly want, then?"

Gray pouted and stared down at his toes. "To kiss you again."

Natsu took a step closer. "Is that what you want?"

Still looking down, Gray nodded coyly, but Natsu yanked his chin up.

"Tell me!" He stared longingly at Gray's lips. "Is that honestly what you want?"

Gray gazed at the waiting mouth loosened and aching to kiss, and those lowered, heated eyes that begged for more. Instead of speaking, Gray took hold of Natsu's face, tilted his chin up, and kissed him. This much, he loved. Although the rest of it scared him, he wanted to feel those lips more and more. If this could be a relationship of only kisses, that would make things easy, but Gray already knew he eventually wanted more.

"We can do just this much," Natsu told him between kisses. "Whatever you're comfortable doing … _mmmh_ … I definitely like doing this."

"Shut up," Gray said with his lips right against Natsu's mouth. "Don't talk when I'm kissing you or I might bite your tongue."

"I might like that," Natsu teased playfully.

"Heh!" Gray smirked, and he nipped Natsu's lower lip in a light punishment. "Shut up, horny dragon."

Gray leaned against the rugged tree trunk, wrapped his arms around Natsu's waist, and pulled him in close, kissing him as the breeze rustled the leaves above their heads. His fantasies had always been so sexual, as fantasies of the night usually are. This was different. It was gentle, sweet, warm, like the summer day around them. There was not raw lust in Natsu's kisses, not like that dragon prince of Gray's dreams. There was something else, something amazing.

Was it love? Was this what it was like to kiss someone you actually love?

Natsu finally pulled back and smiled happily. He twisted around, fitting against Gray's chest, tucked slightly under his armpit, and rested there. He said nothing, just stood next to Gray as they both looked out at the river.

How many times had they fought here on these muddy shores? Now, whatever this was, it was starting here. This location had changed suddenly. It was not a place where they would fight in anger anymore. It was a place where they could go to remember their history together, good times and bad, moments of anger and moments of passion.

Slowly, uncertainly, Gray wrapped his arm around Natsu's shoulder. Holding him like this was sweet, but it made his heart race. He wondered if Natsu could hear it pounding so fast. He gulped and tried to speak without ruining the tender moment.

"Natsu?"

He hummed.

Gray tugged his lower lip between his teeth. "I'll be the one to ask you out. When I'm ready, I'll ask."

Natsu smiled and blushed. "Fair enough, since I confessed first." He leaned his head over onto Gray's chest, but then he yanked off. "Uh, can I do this much?" he asked first.

Gray chuckled that Natsu was being so diligent now. He put a hand on the pink head and pulled it down to his chest. "Yeah, this is fine."

Natsu grinned and rested on Gray's chest, loving how Gray kept both arms around him, hugging him in this simple yet tender embrace. Gray's fingers combed through his spiky cerise hair, mindlessly petting him, and Natsu hummed at such a simple pleasure. Silently, they watched ducks swimming down the river, a fish leaping up to catch a fly, and quietly gazed out at the world from under the shade of a tree.

"Gray?"

He gave a softly sedate hum.

"I'm sorry I never told you before. You're right; it's scary. I didn't want to live with these feelings forever, so I tried to shove them away. I didn't want the pain of being rejected. I feared mostly that if I said anything, I'd lose you as a friend. That's the last thing I want," he said in anguish.

Gray squeezed him a little tighter. "You're not gonna scare me away that easily, idiot."

"But you're still unsure, right?"

Gray kept quiet. A part of him still felt conflicted, but standing like this, with his arms wrapped around this warm and strong body, felt good.

"We can just do this, if you want," Natsu offered. "I'd rather have you than let something trivial get between us. I'm fine if you want romance without sex. She said that could be an option, too."

"She?" Gray asked suspiciously.

"If that makes it easier, we can do that. It's not like dating a person means you two gotta sleep together."

Gray sighed and just hugged the Dragon Slayer, wishing he would keep quiet so they could enjoy this. "I told you, I need to think about what I want."

"I know. Hey!"

Gray rolled his eyes. Seriously, Natsu needed to learn when to shut up and enjoy the moment.

"Maybe you could talk to someone. It helped me come to realize things, like about being bisexual. It's a bit embarrassing to talk to others about things like love, but it really can make you see yourself in a way you might not realize on your own. If you can find someone you trust, it can be really helpful."

A flicker of ice pierced Gray's heart. Yes, Natsu had talked … to that busty strip dancer! _She_ taught him about sex. That woman, that prostitute, that _other stripper_ , had been the one who taught Natsu everything from kissing to even giving him blow jobs.

"I should go," he whispered, suddenly pulling away from that comforting warmth.

Natsu looked up sadly. Had he said something wrong?

"Give me three days, okay?"

"Sure," the Dragon Slayer nodded. That was fair: three days to come to grips with this new turn of events for both of them.

"Right, and I … I might talk. I know someone I can probably talk to."

"That's great!" Natsu cheered.

"Y-yeah," Gray blushed. Hearing Natsu's exuberance lit a fire in his heart. His icy reservations wanted to douse that flame, yet kept melting instead. "Until then, this … I don't want … I mean … maybe we shouldn't—"

"It's between us," Natsu cut in. "We won't tell others until it's official."

"Yeah," he muttered in shame.

Natsu frowned at that contrite expression. Suddenly, he slapped Gray across the side of the head so hard, he almost fell to the ground. The ice wizard shouted in pain and rubbed out the stinging ache in his head.

"What the hell, you bastard!" he roared.

"That's more like it," Natsu grinned cheekily.

Gray glared. Seriously, didn't this idiot know of any better way to get people to stop feeling down? Then again, probably not.

"Take your time, Gray. Even if it's more than three days. I won't bother you or mention it. I'll wait for you to ask me out." Natsu walked up directly in front of him. "I'll always be waiting for you," he promised, and he gave Gray a kiss on the forehead.

Gray squeezed up his face and shrank down under the press of those hot lips. It was a disturbingly adorable gesture.

"See ya around."

Gray opened his eyes as he heard Natsu's sandals moving away. He watched the flutter of the white scarf and sway of that battle-hardened body. He felt cold without the heat near him.

He let out a long, slow sigh. This really was a hell of a thing to think about. Still, remembering those kisses and declarations of love made him warm up and smile. Holding Natsu had felt _right_. Even if people teased them, ridiculed them, or hated them, maybe all of that would still be worth it if he could have Natsu beside him. Gray ran his hand through his hair and groaned as thoughts flew around, shrieking in their frantic speed, and bashed together in his mind. It was like a massive blizzard in his brain, and an indomitable fire burning in the center of the chaos. He wanted to reach that flame, he really did, but he had to fight his own frozen barriers first.

"I really am messed up over you, stupid flame-brain," he muttered.

**Next Chapter: "That's What Friends Are For"**


	31. That's What Friends Are For

_"Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them but you know they are always there."  
― Anonymous_

 

* * *

The next day, Gray woke up feeling groggy. His dreams had been filled with Natsu, both the fantasy dragon form of him and the real man. He had dreamed about probably every pleasure physically possible, and then some!

Such dreams left behind physical proof. Gray cursed that he had to wash his sheets again.

As he stripped his messy boxers and yanked off the damp sheets, Gray thought about Natsu. Now he knew for certain, the Fire Dragon Slayer wanted a relationship. Even if he said they could have pure romance without sex, he probably wanted everything Gray had dreamed about. If Natsu's kisses were any indication, then sex with Natsu would be hot, wild, and just as insanely wonderful as his dreams.

Somehow, that was not enough to convince him. Gray had dated plenty of women purely for sex, but this was different. It was _Natsu_! And it was a guy. That sort of sex … his dreams put a hazy censorship over those parts, just imagined concepts that it would somehow feel good. He knew how amazing it felt to thrust into something. He even had anal sex with a girl in the past who was into that sort of thing, and _damn_ it was great! However, she had prepped herself in some weird way, and Gray had not bothered to pay attention to the details. Instead of watching what she did, he had been busy with her breasts.

He wished he knew what she did to prepare herself. He also wished he had not been drunk that night.

Who did he know who might know something about anal sex? He was not about to go to the store and buy a _fag mag_ or gay porn video lacrima. He could probably ask Freed, except he was out of town with Laxus and his team. There was always Master Bob, but the bald guild master seriously creeped out Gray. There was also Sugarboy.

No. Just no!

Gray got ready for the day and went out, privately hoping he did not meet up with Natsu yet. It would be awkward, and he already knew that if he saw the Dragon Slayer, he would want to kiss more. Natsu's kisses were addictive. Before he could allow himself to slip into a physical relationship, Gray knew he had to think about this carefully. It was not like hooking up with some random girlfriend. This relationship, him and Natsu, could affect the entire guild. Plus it changed a lot about Gray himself: his sexuality. He still felt he was not gay. Bisexual? Something else? He did not know, and that lack of self-awareness left him hesitant and daunted.

How could he leap into a relationship without knowing what was in his own heart?

If they could just keep it to kissing … but that rarely lasted. Kissing led to touching. Touching led to groping. Groping led to hand jobs and oral sex. And that led to wanting more sex. And more! How long could he hold back to just kisses and touches? A month? Maybe six months? A year if he really tortured himself. Eventually, he would want to live out those dreams.

No … _already_ he wanted them!

As he approached the guild, he saw Loke walking out while rubbing a red hand print on his cheek.

"What did you do this time?" Gray called out.

Loke jolted as he realized Gray was coming up. "Oh, hey! This?" He pointed to his swollen cheek and laughed awkwardly. "I flirted with some new girl and Lucy got mad."

"Serves you right."

"Flirting is fun, though. I mean, you like hearing someone compliment you, right?"

Gray thought about yesterday. _"Hey, um … do you want more? Just kissing? You're a really good kisser."_ Hearing Natsu say that made Gray's heart race, and remembering it made his cheeks blush.

"Oh?" Loke smirked, picking up on the change. "Did something good happened lately? A new girlfriend? Who's the lucky lady?"

Gray cringed. Of course, everyone would first assume it was a woman. "It's … complicated." Damn, that made him sound lame! "Loke, can I ask you something about relationships? Something rather out of the ordinary?"

"Absolutely," the ginger grinned. "I am a love expert. Ask me anything. I won't judge."

Gray still hesitated and worried his lip before speaking softly. "What if you're … confused about things? You're not sure what you like anymore. Everything gets turned on its head, and women … maybe … you don't think of them the same way anymore. Or you're not sure. You want to do … stuff … this-and-that … but what the other person wants— _how_ they want it—it'll … um … hurt. You've never done it _that way_ before, and … and you're not sure if that's something you want. You're not sure if you're into … um … _that_."

Loke nodded solemnly. "I know the feeling. I have to admit," he said with a blush, "I might have … _experimented_ a few times in the past. Maybe more than just a few times. It's nothing to be ashamed about, you know."

"I … I know, but still," Gray muttered. "When people find out, I know there will be teasing involved. Maybe worse."

"You don't have to tell people the details."

"They'll find out," Gray sighed.

"Maybe so, and maybe they won't understand, some might even harass you for going against the social norm, but in the end, does that matter? If you're truly in love, it shouldn't."

Gray forehead wrinkled. "I'm not sure if I'm in love yet."

"Are you dating?"

He shook his head. "Not yet. I said I had to think about it first."

Loke looked thoughtful. "Changing how we enjoy pleasure can be intimidating. What they want, is it something you've done before?"

"To someone else, someone who was into that," he answered. "I never … I mean … I haven't … myself … um … I've never been on the receiving end."

"I see." Loke patted Gray's back encouragingly. "There's a place I go to. They can help you. You can learn about all sorts of things without anyone thinking badly of you, even things like … _that_."

Gray looked relieved. Of course, Loke was a Celestial Spirit, he was ancient even if he looked young, he would know who he could turn to, maybe a support group for men discovering their sexuality.

Loke waved him forward, and Gray followed eagerly. He had to admit, a part of him was nervous. He was not sure if he could really talk about these awakening desires with someone else.

He realized Loke might have the wrong idea as they approached, not some clinic or support group, but a strip club.

"Loke?"

"I know it's not much to look at on the outside, but trust me. Everything you need to know is in here," Loke assured him.

Gray gave a groan and followed anyway. Sure enough, when they opened the door there was pounding music, scattered tables, a stage, a brass pole, and a dancer wearing nearly nothing.

"It's a strip club," Gray said flatly.

"Of course it is," the Lion grinned, and Gray scoffed in disgust. "Come on! Haven't you ever been in one of these before?"

Gray pouted but admitted, "Maybe one or two."

Loke pulled him in to a booth. "Let me buy you a drink, you can loosen up, ask these girls if one of them caters to whatever freaky kink you're into," he said, winking naughtily.

"They wouldn't be into that," Gray muttered. He watched as the girl on stage whipped off her top just as she bowed her spine backward until her head nearly touched the floor. Okay, so she was good. And hot! He had been so obsessed with Natsu, Gray had stopped admiring women like he used to.

"When was the last time you got laid?" asked Loke.

Gray let out a soft grunt. "Way too long."

"Exactly! So come on, my treat. That's what friends are for. Let's hang out like old times. Maybe you'll get lucky and one of these girls will take an interest in you, give you a little _extra_ attention."

Gray widely shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever."

Maybe what he needed was to stop over-thinking things. He figured it was fine to do some harmless watching, have a few drinks, and maybe he could sneak in a few carefully worded questions to Loke. It was better than brooding at home or torturing himself by sitting in the guild hall with Natsu in the same room.

Their drinks arrived, and a new dancer was up. Two ladies began to circle the floor, caressing the few men sitting around at this early hour.

"You should see this place at night," Loke said as he eyed a blonde. "It gets packed. You're lucky to get any attention at all. The Pussy Palace is the best strip club in Magnolia."

Gray paused while sipping his drink. Pussy Palace? That name was familiar.

"Oh wow. _She_ came out!" Loke whispered.

She? Gray saw another woman step forward, her stride refined, her black hair swinging with each sway of her hips. The men in the room ignored the other girls when she entered. She instantly captivated everyone. Although she was dressed like some sexy secretary and the other women were nearly naked in lingerie, this lady had a sensuality to her that went beyond her body. Gray gulped hard when her eyes focused straight on him.

"You," he whispered dryly.

She stopped in front of him and smiled down. "Welcome to my palace, Gray-dear."

"You're that girl, the one with Natsu," he glared.

Her red lips twisted up in amusement. "Rei-chan, head girl around here and co-owner of this establishment. You caught me on a day when I'm here for business and not to give pleasure, otherwise…" She eyed him up and down. "…I could certainly show you a thing or two."

He said nothing and glared coldly at her.

"I haven't see Natsu-dear in ages. How is he doing?"

Gray looked away peevishly. "Hell if I know."

"Aww. Did you two have a fight?"

Gray's brow tensed.

"Or maybe," she smiled cunningly, "something else happened between you two. How about you tell me all about it?" She sat down beside him so close, their thighs touched. "I can listen to all of your troubles. Maybe," and she began to massage his shoulders, "I can relieve some of this stress that has you all up in knots."

Gray shrugged away in disgust. "Look lady, no offense, but I don't want the girl Natsu was fucking."

"I never had sex with him."

"You…!" He had begun to raise his voice, but he realized everyone in the club had their eyes on him and Rei-chan, although mostly on her. Gray took a deep breath to calm himself and dropped his voice to be lost under the blasting music. "You were giving him blow jobs, right?"

She tilted her head to the side as if debating if he was ready to be told the truth. "I may have given him one or two," she said cautiously.

"What else were you doing to him to … to _teach_ him? I know it had to be more than just training him how to kiss that good."

She grinned happily. "Then you've experienced it. He's an incredible kisser, isn't he?"

"Shut- …" Gray caught himself again and slammed his mouth closed before he shouted at her.

She snickered in victory. She had the advantage here in her own establishment, and she knew it. Gray saw one of the bouncers glaring right at him, and Loke was thoroughly distracted by the blonde who was now sitting in his lap and playing with his tie. Gray was on his own, and he could not do anything to get rid of Rei-chan or stop her wiliness.

"Now," she said, walking her fingers up Gray's arm, taking her time with her victory. "How about you tell me all about it?"

Gray rolled his eyes. "We were fighting, it got awkward, he kissed me, then he suddenly left for a few days. When he came back, it got more awkward, we got into a fight, I kissed him, he kissed me back, a building collapsed, we ran off, we kissed some more, and I told him to give me three days to think about it."

Rei-chan's eyebrow arched up at the collapsed building part. My, what rigorous love Natsu must have shown him! She could absolutely imagine it.

"So," Gray snapped quietly, "what happened between _you two_?"

She began to list on her fingers. "I taught him kissing, sweet-talking, how to go on a date, how to honor his partner, what _not_ to do in a courtship—which was quite a lot to teach him—and I prepared him for when he was ready to confess his love to you."

"To me?" he said faintly.

"Is it that hard to believe, or that challenging to accept?" She leaned into his ear. "I can tell, Gray-dear. You find women sexually appealing, but you've probably never been able to fall in love with one. Now you find yourself in love with a man you don't particularly find sexually appealing, not like you're used to with ogling breasts and hips, and you're left wondering if you've ever been straight from the beginning, or if it's only been about sexual gratification this whole time."

She pulled back and saw him glaring at her silently, not denying it, not willing to admit it.

"May I be so bold as to propose a different possibility?" she said lightly, and she leaned into his ear again. "Maybe you can't fall in love until you look past the body and look at the soul. You can't love until you know the person as deeply as you know yourself. You probably fuck strangers but can't have sex with people you really do know, because you know them, and you know you're not in love with them. It's a big difference, knowing a person, caring for them, yet being certain it's not love, compared to not knowing and not caring and keeping it to a mere physical need, not an emotional outlet."

Gray lost his breath as he realized she had hit it dead on. It was something he never realized himself, but once she said it, he knew immediately, that was his problem. That was why he had been able to sleep with those two girls up north and it meant nothing, two nameless girls whom he had used because his body needed sex. Yet he had dated Juvia for months and never even touched her intimately. He knew from the start, he was not in love with Juvia, but he assumed love could grow. Instead, it was merely friendship, that was all it would ever be, and he could not sully that bond with her by using her body like his random girlfriends.

"Now," Rei-chan went on, "here's a person of the same sex, but it's different. You fell in love. Isn't that true, Gray-dear?"

Was that it? Was he honestly in love?

She eyed him keenly. "Have you ever been in love?"

Seriously, this woman was scary!

She pouted and rubbed her thumb over his tensed forehead. "Your poor brow is going to have lines on it when you're older." She tried to smooth out the pinch between his eyebrows.

Gray looked up at her coldly. "Don't touch me," he hissed.

She clicked her tongue and shook her head. "Awww. Jealous?" She chuckled as his eyes narrowed more, and she leaned right up into his face. "Are you jealous that I got to taste him first?"

"You bi-…!" He sucked back the shout, but not before the bouncer stepped up to their booth and Loke jolted out of the banal conversation he was having with the blonde.

"Gray?" he asked in concern.

"It's nothing," he grumbled, looking away from Rei-chan, Loke, the bouncer, and everyone else.

Rei-chan chuckled and pulled on his shoulder. "Maybe we should take a back room, get away from everyone else. I'm sure you want to yell at me, and you can't really do that around here; the bouncers don't like it." She smiled up to the burly man in black and nodded to him that she was okay.

Gray tensed his fist. He felt like this was one of the things holding him back from fully accepting Natsu, this jealousy about Rei-chan, the _other_ stripper in Natsu's life. If it had been some random girlfriend, Gray would have had no problems, but the fact that it was a professional, someone this beautiful, and a woman who could get under his skin so easily and see through him as if his cold exterior was clear ice … _that_ bothered Gray.

Besides, she was good. Maybe she could help. She had helped Natsu. He would _never_ ask for physical assistance, but just talking, discussing things, like what she meant about him being unable to fall in love unless he knew the person, and that sex had nothing to do with it except for when it came to people he cared for … was this a thing? Was it common?

"How much?" he seethed, feeling dirty just for accepting her offer.

"For you?" She smiled cunningly. "Let's make it an introductory special for our new customer. Three thousand Jewels. I'll tell you everything I know."

Three thousand was cheap for a private room, even Gray knew that and he had only gone to strip clubs twice when others dragged him there. To find out more about Natsu, it was worth the cost.

"Fine," he sneered.

Rei-chan giggled at his surly attitude and immediately stood up. "Prepare my special room," she told the bouncer. "I believe our new customer here would like ice wine. Am I wrong?"

Gray scoffed softly. "You sure as hell seem to be right about me on everything else."

"It's my special talent," she smiled.

Loke's attention was again taken off the blonde when Gray slid out of the bench. "Hey! Are you going with her?" he asked, grinning at Rei-chan.

Gray shrugged apathetically. "Seems like it."

"Good choice. Take it easy on him, Rei-chan."

"Oh, you know I always do, Loke-dear," she said lightly, brushing her hand over his shoulder. "And dear," she said to the blonde, "don't let the Lion here devour you _too_ quickly."

Then Rei-chan took Gray's hand and led him away.

**Next Chapter: "An Unlikely Advisor"**


	32. An Unlikely Advisor

_"Advice is like snow - the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind."_   
_― Samuel Taylor Coleridge_

 

* * *

Gray and Rei walked together into a hallway adjacent to the main showroom of the strip club. There were small private rooms with mirrors on the walls and colored lights flashing. She brought Gray to the back, a bigger room than the others, with a wide couch and a spacious platform where she could dance, surrounded on all sides by mirrors like some sensual fun-house. Instead, she sat on the couch with Gray, not too close, and brought forward a bowl of grapes for him to eat. He turned her down, but he did accept a glass of ice wine she poured for them both.

"All right, we're alone," he said sternly. "I want to know what you and Natsu did."

"No you don't," she said, calmly sipping her wine.

"Yes, I—"

"No. You don't," she said again. She set the wineglass down and looked straight at him. "What you truly want to know is what he _hasn't_ done."

Gray's brow pinched together.

"Unless anything has changed since his last visit with me, he's a virgin," she said passively.

Gray was amazed that this little fact was what he had truly been wondering about. The details … she was right, he did not really want to hear about all that. What Natsu did with this woman was no different than what he had done with women in the past. What truly made Gray curious was not what things Natsu did with Rei-chan, but what ways he could surprise Natsu, things he had never experienced, pleasures the Dragon Slayer did not yet know. He wanted to be able to do something, anything, that would be a _first_ for Natsu.

"He's your first love, isn't he?" Rei-chan asked.

Seriously, this woman was uncanny! How did she do that? Mind-reading?

"I'm not psychic," she said. "I make it my profession to read body language, and you, Gray-dear, are a novel. So, first love?"

Softly, Gray answered, "I'm not sure if it's love."

She looked like she did not believe him. "If you say so. What did I teach him?" she asked, segueing into the subject. "That's what you think you want to know, right? Well, he came here with Loke-dear, downcast and heartbroken. It seems the person he loved," she said, staring hard at Gray, "said he saw Natsu-dear as _nothing more than a brother_."

"I didn't say _nothing more_!" Gray protested. "I said he was like a brother. It was a compliment, letting him know he was closer than just a friend. I … I never meant it _bad_."

"He took it hard," Rei-chan told him. "He was in love with you even back then, and for much longer than that. He really, truly loves you." She smiled wistfully. "I'm envious. I've never had a man love me like he loves you."

"So he came here, huh?"

"Yes."

"And you taught him kissing?"

"That was his initial concern. He had not kissed many times in the past and wanted to learn how to give the most amazing first kiss in the world. I hope he succeeded."

Gray blushed as he thought about those nervous kisses on the hill. Natsu had said later that he pulled away in disgust because he kissed Gray wrong. He wondered what Natsu wanted as a first kiss. Then he thought about how amazingly he had kissed the next time, making out on top of the souvenir stand, and the raw passion of those fiery lips.

Rei-chan giggled as she saw the blushing memories play through Gray's eyes. "He wanted to give you pleasure, Gray-dear. I taught him about ways to do that. I also taught him how to respond to pleasure."

"Blow jobs," he said scathingly.

"Yes. He honestly had no clue what to do, what they even were besides, as he put it, _dick-in-mouth sex_. I showed him and instructed him using his own body as a template."

Gray let out a disgusted groan. That bastard! Even if he was ignorant… "What else?" he growled.

"What he really wanted was not me, not a woman. He wanted you, and you alone. He wanted a _man_. Now, it's not easy for a woman to teach a man how to pleasure another man. I tried my best, but in the end," she smiled apologetically, "I can only do so much. He refused to have a male brought in. Me: he didn't really care too much. I'm just me," she chuckled with a wide shrug. "But a man? That was a completely different issue for Natsu-dear. You see, he wanted no other man … but you!"

Hearing that both amazed Gray and left him ambivalent. "So, did you do him with a strap-on?"

"I offered," she answered bluntly. "He didn't want that. Fingers only. It worked well enough. I had to figure out how to teach him with such restrictions."

"You didn't _have_ to," Gray shouted. "He _paid_ you to!"

She stared at him hard. "No, he didn't."

Gray's fury shattered like a dropped block of ice, and he whispered in shock, "What?"

"He offered to," she amended. "I felt it wasn't right, a boy like him hiring me to teach him how to show love to another. I sometimes took money in the form of food: lunches, dinners, and dates." She saw Gray staring with his mouth dropped, and she giggled. "You're looking at me as if I'm crazy."

"You're a professional. Why would you turn down the money?"

"I don't need money, Gray-dear. I don't get too many men who will take me out to dinner and not want to get into my panties. Natsu-dear was like that. He never saw me for just boobs, hips, and a pussy," she said with a bit of spite showing through. Then she smiled fondly in memories. "He saw me for who I am, just another human in need of a friend. So that's how he repaid me."

"By taking you out on dates?" Gray asked in disbelief.

She gazed at him firmly. "Outside of this club, it was completely platonic. Inside, it was purely business. There was never love between us or any emotions besides friendship, admiration, and mutual respect."

"While on the side, you were giving him _blow jobs_ ," Gray shouted.

She folded her arms imperiously. "While on the side, I was training him … for _you_! He did all that because he wanted to be ready, and he was incredibly intimidated by you."

"Intimidated?" Gray scoffed.

She smiled as if correcting a child. "Gray-dear, you're a lot like me."

"What?" he shouted. "I do _not_ prostitute myself!"

She chuckled at his simple misunderstanding. "Neither do I. If sex is involved, which it rarely is in this business, I never insist on money, nor do I set a price for my services. The laws of Fiore forbid sexual favors in exchange for Jewels."

"But … but you're a _stripper_."

She smiled cunningly. "You of all people should know that removing one's clothing and performing fellatio are totally and utterly different acts."

Gray blushed at how bluntly she put it.

"If a man wants to repay me, he does so in whatever way he deems appropriate. Usually, it's jewelry and other forms of vain flattery. Once, I was given a sapphire the size of your fist by a wealthy client who felt I was deserving of more than money. Don't tell me you've never had sex with a woman after _paying_ her by buying her many drinks, or paying for the hotel, or perhaps purchasing some earrings she wants."

Gray glared frigidly. He had done that, buying women gifts because he felt they deserved something for giving him a good time. He never once thought of it as _payment_ , but the action was the same.

"That's not what I mean, anyway," she said, dismissing the moral dilemma. "We both like pleasure. You can't say you don't. I know you do; I can see it. Right there in your heart, I can see … you know the comforts of women!" She chuckled lewdly. "Quite a few, apparently. How many women have you slept with? Twenty? Fifty? You lost count after the tenth one, didn't you?"

Gray stared in silent suspicion. "You can see that? In my heart?"

"Yes. I told you, my specialty is seeing the hearts of men. It's where I truly make my money: teaching men, training them. I _don't_ take them merely to fuck them. I train them so they can go on and have wonderful, happy lives with the person they love. Sometimes sex is involved, often it's not. In that respect, I'm not as bad as you, who fucks women because your dick gets hard."

"Hey!" he shouted.

"But Natsu-dear," she smiled, pressing past what she said, "was intimidated by your prolific and profligate past. He knew you were experienced, and he wasn't. He was truly terrified because he barely knew how to kiss someone, yet you were running off having threesomes."

"That was just that once," he shouted defensively.

"It hurt him. Deeply. So many times, I had to comfort him because of something you did that shattered his heart. I began to wonder if you were good for my dear boy. I almost resented you."

Gray fell silent with guilt. He really had said some cold things to Natsu over the past year.

"I'll be honest, since it's you. I never keep track of clients outside of this establishment. I don't care what they do in their personal life. I don't love them, I don't befriend them, and I certainly don't waste my time fantasizing about them. Natsu-dear was different. Him, I wanted! For the first time, although I kept things professional like always, I admit that I took quite a bit of pleasure from what he did. I looked forward to his visits. He was the first man in a very long time who was able to make my heart race. Teaching him was far more than mere business for me. It was a definite pleasure!" she purred.

She felt the room drop in temperature, and the mirrors on the walls began to frost.

"He was loyal to you, though," she went on. "I actually felt jealous. I felt you weren't right for him. I feared you'd continue hurting him." She stood and walked around the couch. "To tell you the truth, I'm a bit torn today," she said, striding slowly in her sharp heels. She glanced down at Gray, although he kept his face forward, looking at her in the mirror. "I could give you horrible advice, convince you that loving a man is a mistake, sunder you and Natsu-dear, and let you break his heart once more." She leaned over the back of the couch, letting her hair drape over him, and traced around the guild mark on his chest. "He would run directly here for comfort, run right into my arms, where he knows he'll always have someone he can talk to about the most intimate emotions. Then, with you out of the picture … well, perhaps he would want to take up my offers—"

"No!" Gray shouted, bolting around at her in jealousy. "Stay the hell away from Natsu, you hear me!"

She leaned into Gray's face and whispered deviously, "Why should I?"

"Because! He … he's…" Gray choked up.

She straightened back up with a chuckle and continued her circle around the couch. "Just because he's in love with you? What do you care? What emotional connection do you have with him?" Her voice went as smooth as caramel syrup. "What do you want from him?"

"I … I want … something … with him." Gray shivered as he tried to sort out his mind. He felt like she was pushing him toward a cliff, and he had no clue how far he would fall.

"Something?" she smirked. "A relationship?" She saw Gray cringe and blush. "Well…" She climbed up onto the low stage and leaned sensually back on the brass pole, inspecting him while tracing her lip with a long fingernail. "So do I!"

Gray's eyes crackled as he vehemently glared up at her, and every mirror in the room instantly frosted over in spiderwebs of ice.

"Jealous?" Rei-chan twirled gracefully on the pole as she observed him with amusement. "You're not sure about him, are you?" She slithered behind the pole and peeked out around the brass edge. "You're not sure if you can love him." She continued an easy spin, followed by pushing herself off of the pole and stepping down from the private stage. "Or maybe—" She walked up to Gray, placed her hands on his thighs, and leaned right into his face. "—maybe you're not sure if you can love _anyone_."

There it was again, that uncanny ability!

She smiled again, observing and finding pure amusement in Gray's open expressions. She took a seat on the couch again and straightened out her low-cut secretarial blouse. "Natsu wasn't sure either." She picked up her wineglass with delicate fingers and took a refined sip. "I mean, he had never thought of being bisexual, barely knew what it meant, just as I'm sure you barely know what it means to be demisexual."

"To be what?" he asked.

"See," she smirked. "You're both so innocent; it's cute. He never thought about men that way until you collapsed at his feet, made him worry endlessly, and stole a piece of his heart. I'm pretty sure it's the same for you. It must have been something momentous to make you start thinking about him as more than a friend. Maybe that weakness in his heart. Was that it? Seeing him a little weaker, passing out, that awful surgery. I bet it happened sometime around then. I could tell, you know. The first time we met when you were still in a wheelchair, you had a different look in your eyes. Maybe you were a little … _curious_ … but not like that. Not to the point of _wanting_ it. When I bumped into you outside of the hospital, I saw it then. Yes, definitely you were aware of feeling something. You riled up so easily when I talked about how he kissed. It was so obvious!"

"What was obvious?" he asked warily.

She tilted her head with a devious smile. "You tell me. How do you feel about Natsu-dear?"

Gray looked down at his hands. "I … don't know."

"I think you do—"

"I don't!" he yelled. "That's the problem! I don't fucking know what I'm feeling!"

He felt a crack in his heart. What was he saying? Why was he even talking to this woman? Yet the words poured out of that crack like a stream flowing over a waterfall that had been frozen all winter.

"I've fantasized about him, and … it's weird! I've never dreamed things like that about anyone else in my life. I mean, I've had some damned horny dreams, but never like those! It's more than just blurry sex in those dreams. He talks to me, says he wants to be my first love. He keeps asking me if I'm in love with him yet. How the hell would he know I've never been in love?"

"It's your dream. Natsu-dear probably doesn't know you've never loved before."

"No, he knows now," Gray grumbled. "The brat got me to confess it a couple weeks ago."

"I see. How long have you been having these dreams?"

"Shit, I have no idea. Months! I thought they were hell at first. I mean, it's an unspoken rule: no fantasizing over teammates. We all do anyway. I've had plenty of kinky dreams about Erza and Lucy, but this … it's different! I never felt like _that_ toward those two. Sure, they're cute, but I would never fuck them."

"But you're willing to sleep with Natsu-dear?"

"I don't know! I don't know what to think, or what to feel, or anything. Fuck, this is crazy! Relationships aren't supposed to be this hard."

"What are they supposed to be?" she asked calmly.

"Fun, sexy, wild…"

"Sensual? Sexually fulfilling? Emotionally thoughtless? When they get too deep, too difficult, too angsty and challenging, when you have to actually care about what your words and actions do to the other person, when you realize her needs become less about you and more about herself, you label her as greedy, selfish, she wants too much of your time, she expects too much out of you, it's time to move on, no need for clingy girlfriends, no desire for more than fun dating, sexy make-outs, and wild nights in bed. Certainly nothing that involves serious commitment. In three months, you've forgotten her name."

He glared up at her but said nothing. She had pretty much just described almost every relationship he ever had.

"Does that terrify you, thinking it'll be the same way with Natsu-dear? It'll be fast, savage, fleeting, it'll burn out in a month, and then the team will be in ruins. No, worse than that. You're afraid _you'll_ be the one in tatters, alone, crying the same tears you've made so many girls cry. You're afraid this is one massive setup for karma to bitch-slap you for all those times."

He still said nothing and stared at her suspiciously.

"Be honest: what do you feel for me?" she asked.

"For you? Wariness and disgust," he answered bluntly. "No offense," he added as an after-thought.

"None taken. What else?" She leaned in closer. "What do you feel about _me_ , Gray-dear?"

He gulped thickly and did not break eye contact. "I'm still curious."

"About everything we've done?"

"Yes," he breathed.

Her eyebrow quirked up. "Do you _really_ want to know?"

He hesitated. "I don't know."

She chuckled and patted his cheek. "So honest! It's charming." She leaned back and took a sip of wine. "What we did together: hmm. It was a few months back, you realize. He stopped coming here when you started to act jealous sometime near the beginning of summer."

Gray looked aside, trying to think when that must have been. He had snapped at Natsu many times about Rei-chan, calling her some awful names, demeaning the Dragon Slayer for taking a prostitute.

"Like I said before, I taught him how to kiss, I taught him how to respond to touches to the body, I told him what gay sex involved, and I had to teach him _how_ to have anal sex. That included how to loosen up his partner if he was the one to top, and how to accept being loosened up if you're the one who wants to do it."

"Me?" he whispered. He remembered what Natsu said. _"Even if you decide that you only want to top, that's also fine with me. I don't care who does what, so long as we have fun doing it and we both like it."_

"It can go either way, you know," Rei-chan told him. "Do you have much experience with that?"

His brow tensed up. "Minimal. I mean, I'm used to girls, so … I don't know if I can … um … be the one … receiving," he said awkwardly.

She smiled at his hesitancy. "Well, it's not like when you make a decision, you're stuck in that position for life. You could try both, see what you like, or just do one for now and switch when you're comfortable. There are plenty of things two men can do that don't involve penile penetration at all, and those activities are highly pleasurable according to the homosexual men I know."

"Things … to do?" Gray asked.

"Oral sex, definitely. Even most women prefer receiving oral to vagina sex. Stroking each other off can really bring two people closer together. Frotting seems to be a favorite. Something about stroking off your partner with your own cock … men really love that. I can see how it can be empowering and pleasuring."

Gray gulped hard, thinking about the dreams he had of Natsu's hot mouth, fiery touches, and how amazing it felt when Natsu began to thrust against him on that souvenir stand, stroking his arousal with the hardness in his own trousers.

Rei-chan gave a quick glance down. "You enjoy thinking about doing those things with him."

Gray choked up and put his hands down to hide his groin.

"Dear, I see erections every day. No need to feel embarrassed. It's good that you think about it, about the plethora of possibilities you two have. Besides, you'll probably start slowly, right? Natsu-dear wanted to go slow, to have a true relationship first. I think how he put it was, 'I want to have the sort of relationship with him where we have fun more than have sex. Even if sex is fun, it shouldn't be the only thing.' Cute, isn't he!" she smiled proudly. "It's not about sexual attraction at all with him. He loves you so much, and he wants a deep, meaningful relationship, not mindless sex. Can you give that to him?" she asked, looking serious. "Can you love him? Are you capable of showing him that love? Because if you can't, you'll only break his heart, and his heart has suffered more than enough damage thanks to you."

Gray looked down with guilt. Could he show love? Was he even in love at all? "I don't know if I can," Gray confessed softly. "But … I want to."

Rei-chan smiled as if she just managed a major victory.

Gray's fists clenched, and he suddenly shouted, "If he wants all of that, why'd he come to you at all?"

"He wanted to know what to do when the time came, and he knew he should learn both ways, top and bottom, just in case. Do you already know what you'd want when you two get to that point? Or are you like him and hesitant?"

"I guess … it'd be fair … taking turns," Gray whispered awkwardly. "Being the one to … you know … to be on top … I'm used to that, so it'd be easier at first, but … maybe … I maybe could try it the other way if we … um … built up to it. Maybe other things first. Slowly ease into more."

"Good for you," she grinned. "Now, that wasn't too hard."

"What else did you do to him?" Gray grumbled.

"What more did I teach Natsu-dear?" she asked, humming with her finger on her lip. "Well, I also taught him how to touch me back. Normally, I have to teach men how to touch my breasts or how to finger inside, what direction to curl the fingers to hit the G-spot, how to thrust inside while rubbing the clit. You'd be surprised how many men screw up a simple fingerbanging—"

"Shut up and just tell me about Natsu!" he snapped.

"He touched me," she said bluntly.

"Your…"

"My ass. Inside."

"And only that? He didn't … to you…"

She looked at him with professional comportment. "If I was in need of any additional stimulus, that was up to me, not him. He offered out of politeness a few times, but I kept things professional."

"He never … got you off?"

"He did, but that was not a goal."

"He never … stuck it in?"

"Fingers only, ass only. He never fingered my vagina. There was no point in him doing that for training him in gay sex."

"And you never … to him with a … a thing?"

"I used a butt plug on him once. He refused to accept a strap-on. He said that was too much like real sex, and he wanted his first time being taken to be you and you alone."

"So you two … you never—"

"No. He's not interested in me. He didn't want sex with a woman. In a sense, I was training him to be gay." She smiled sympathetically. "Perhaps you need it, too." She rubbed a hand up his leg. "Just training."

"N-no," he muttered, moving away from her sensual hand. "I—"

"You want to top, don't you? Like you said, it's what you're used to, what scares you least. However, it's nothing like with a woman. Do you know how to loosen him so you can enter him?"

Gray stuttered. Loosen? What?

"Do you know how to make him feel as good as he makes you feel?"

Gray froze as he looked at her. This was what he wondered about, worried about, why he came here in the first place, hoping he could talk to someone, learn a little, but … but not…

"I don't want to learn that with you," he admitted.

"Because he learned with me?"

"Yes! And because it's … it's weird. I mean, no offense but … using someone else…"

"How else are you going to learn?"

"Not with you!" he shouted. "I'd rather wing it than use a prostitute."

"You'd rather potentially embarrass yourself in front of Natsu-dear."

"I don't care if he laughs! Better than making him cry."

She pulled back with a smile. "Well done. How about you ask him to teach you? He could show you what to do. You could work it out together. He'll show you how it's done."

Gray cringed. "Which mean, our first time … I would be…?"

"It might be easier the first time to let him be in charge so you can observe and learn, but it doesn't have to be that way. He knows how to guide you no matter what you decide. That's something else I taught him: how to teach you, because he reasoned you were not homosexual and had never had gay sex. I taught him how to instruct you so that your first time together can be less blind fumbling and more pleasurable lovemaking."

Gray looked down. He just had to admit that he had never had gay sex, and Natsu would teach him. He doubted Natsu would tease him, not when he was still a virgin and he knew Gray was skittish. They could work it out, Gray could be on top with Natsu telling him what to do next, how to pleasure him, how to touch him, panting as he whimpered instructions until finally—finally—they were both ready to stick it inside, and Gray could fill up that hot body, fill him and show him wild passion.

"Why the hell am I thinking about this?" he shouted in aroused frustration.

"Because deep down inside, under all of your fears, you want this. You want it with him, because you're in love. For the first time in your life, you are truly in love, and that's why you're actually giving a damn about the other person, something a man like you can't do normally." She stood and straightened her skirt. "Try to figure yourself out, then talk to him. That's my suggestion, and that's my three thousand Jewel love advice." She turned and began to walk to the door.

"What did he do to you?" Gray shouted out.

She gave a sigh of exasperation. "I told you—"

"How…" He gulped hard. "How did it feel?"

Her eyes softened. "Incredible," she confessed softly. "Like I said, he's one of the few men I really wanted. And he's the only man I couldn't get, because he wanted only you. _I'm_ the one who should be jealous of all the joy you'll get in the future, not you for the modicum of pleasure I took in the past."

Gray's brow pinched. "Can … can you use something … something else … something that can show me what to do for him without me … touching you … without sticking it in?"

She folded her arms and considered him. "I have a prop. You could buy one of your own. It's not the same, though. You can't know what hurts without someone physically there to tell you, and each person is different."

Gray's eyes closed. "I … I don't want to hurt him the first time."

"Do you want me to get it? I can show you how to use it, guide you through it."

He thought about it for a few seconds. "I don't know," he whispered. "I … I'm not…" His face collapsed down into his hands. "Shit, I don't know what I want."

Rei-chan left the room, and in just a few seconds she returned. "Here, this is it."

Gray looked at the item in her hands. "It's a plastic ass," he muttered, not sure if that was hilarious or disgusting.

"Silicone, actually." She held up a bottle. "Do you know what this is?"

"Lube," he said. "I'm not an idiot."

"Natsu-dear had no clue the first time. Now, give me your hand." She yanked his hand to her despite a sharp _Hey_ of protest. "Two fingers," she said, holding his other fingers down. "Three if you really want to help loosen him, but always start with one. You put lube on your finger…" She drizzled some onto him.

"Hey!" Gray shouted, really disgusted now.

"It's a fresh bottle, just opened it," she assured him. "And this is sterilized, just so you know." She smacked the rubber ass until the cheeks jiggled. "Now, you have to go slowly. This is going to feel way different than a pussy." She pulled his fingers to the ass.

"I don't wanna stick my—" Before he could finish, she slid his finger into the butt. "Sheesh! Thanks!"

"Do you feel the tight ring of muscles?" she asked.

Gray looked away from her probing eyes. "Y-yeah. Kinda squeezes."

"That's what you're going to feel with him."

Gray remembered that one lady into butt sex. He recalled how tight it had felt.

"You can't just ram in there. Ease in, and listen to him. He'll tell you when to stop and when to do more. Now, if you go a bit deeper—" She pressed his wrist to get him to go in more. "Feel that lump? The prostate. You want to aim for that. He'll love it. Then two fingers to spread him…"

"I don't want—"

"It's all right," she said soothingly. Guiding Gray's wrist, she made him thrust back and forth into the silicone ass with two fingers. "It's just your hand and just a toy. It's fake. I'm only a guide. This is just training."

Gray gulped hard as he looked at her delicate fingers on his wrist. "Is this how you trained him?"

"Yes, at first."

"But eventually you used your own ass, right?" he glared.

She looked back at Gray with no intimidation. "He was rough. He needed to learn how to be gentle. You can't learn how to be tender toward a partner when your _toy_ can't feel."

He saw some of the hurt in her eyes. She knew the cold fact: she had been a toy, a living tool to train on. Natsu never felt anything romantic toward her. In a way, it was a bit sad.

"Well!" Gray yanked his hand back and stood up. "I think I'll wash my hands and take my leave."

"You can use my private parlor—"

"I'll use the restroom, thank you very much," he snapped.

She sat back and watched him open the door. "Gray-dear!"

He froze and did not turn around. "What?" he whispered frigidly.

"Practice on yourself."

He spun around. "What!"

"You heard me." She looked at him seriously. "Learn to be gentle for his sake, and learn what to expect for your own sake. Practice. On yourself."

Gray scoffed in disgust and took off. Rei-chan sat back and picked up her wineglass with a devious smirk.

"He's _so_ going to try it later," she muttered to herself.

* * *

Gray arrived home in a huff. Not even lunchtime, and already he was frustrated.

"I can't believe Loke!" he growled to himself. "What does Lucy even see in him?"

In the comfort of his own home, Gray's clothes went flying. He walked to the kitchen and pulled the milk out of the refrigerator, chugging it straight from the carton. He wiped off the white mustache left behind and stared out at nothing.

"That lady," he whispered. Rei-chan was plain creepy, figuring him out so easily despite his icy barriers and cold defenses.

He looked down at his fingers. He had scrubbed his hands, but those two fingers still felt weird. If he wanted _that_ —if he wanted a physical and sexual relationship with Natsu—he would have to touch him. There!

"I wonder how it feels." He scoffed at the idea and put the milk back away. "Probably hurts," he decided. He thought about watching some television, but he paused at a picture of the team hanging on the wall, focusing on Natsu's face. "Still," he whispered. "I wonder. If it hurts … I don't want to hurt him. I want it to feel good. For both of us. Like he said, we're equals in this. It should feel good for both."

He was bored, the day was young, and he had not stroked himself that morning since he had that wet dream. He had gotten hard too many times with Rei-chan, and now he figured he should do something about it. He knew he had lube around somewhere, although he had not needed to use it in over a year. He went to the bedroom, removed the rest of his clothes, opened a drawer to find his lube, and flopped back on the mattress with his back propped up on pillows. He was already half hard just thinking about it. Nothing to do but at least give it a try.

He slicked up three fingers. Immediately, as easily as he had done to the sex toy, he reached around and tried to stick a finger up his ass.

"Oww! Okay, yeah, it hurts." He realized Rei-chan was right. He had to go slowly. He also decided he needed to trim his nails, but that could wait until next time.

Wait. Next time? Was he already deciding this could be a routine?

He tried it again, easing a single finger in slowly, flinching at the discomfort, and trying to avoid catching his nail that he had let grow for a week.

"Well, this isn't gonna work," he grumbled.

He tried once more, pressed, flinching, his nail caught something again and hurt, and he ended up yanking his hand away in frustration.

"How the hell do guys do this?" he cried out.

Gray got up, went to the bathroom, and cleaned his hand. He trimmed his nails and carefully tended a hangnail. He put a little lotion on as well, just to soften up the calluses on his hands. Then he went back to the bedroom, flopped down again, and put a pillow under his hips to lift his butt. He had done this for a virgin once to help her during her first time, and he figured it might make things easier for him as well. After all, he was an ass-virgin.

He pulled forth the lube, slicked up again, and tried to relax his body. He thought about things he had told girls in the past. _'Relax. It'll be fine. Don't tense up and it'll feel real good.'_ He could not believe he was taking the same advice he gave girls! Still, he figured relaxing had to be the crucial step in making this work, considering how uncertain and tense he was.

A few slow breaths, then Gray rubbed the puckered ring, just as he had fingered girls, getting them used to the feeling first. It was weird, even a little gross, but he tried to stop thinking about _where_ he was touching and just enjoy it. He had to admit, playing on the rim felt really nice.

Slowly, easing little by little, the finger worked in. It took almost two minutes before his whole finger was in there. Although it was still a weird sensation, it was not bad.

"Well, that seems better," he sighed.

Then he tried to move.

"Oww! Shit, oww. What the hell am I doing wrong?" he yelled. "Maybe I should have taken her offer … _no!_ Hell no! I'm not gonna finger-bang the same lady as Natsu. That's just … ugh!"

He collapsed back and let out his breath. He had not realized he was holding air and tensed up. As soon as he relaxed, his finger slipped on its own. He decided to add a little more lube, and he found the thrusting to go easier. It was starting to feel really good instead of just weird and painful.

He laughed to himself. Who would have thought! He was actually taking pleasure in fingering his own ass.

Suddenly, he felt sparks and intense pleasure burst through him. Gray moaned louder than he ever did just stroking himself.

"What … the … hell?" he panted. "Prostate. Must be that. I've read about that. That lady, she mentioned it. Holy shit!" he cried out as he found it again. "This feels … really good. Damn, that's … wow!"

He laughed again. He never imagined _this_ in his fantasies! Now he wanted to see how Natsu would react when touched here. As he sought it out again, he closed his eyes and pictured it, how Natsu would arch up, moan loudly, and tremble as Gray's hand pleasured him.

"I'm … really doing this, aren't I?" he said to himself. He could hardly believe he was getting himself off this way, and even more surprised that he never thought of trying it before. He had labeled anything dealing with his anus as _gay_ , but now Gray was realizing that he had been missing out on a whole world of pleasure purely out of homophobic misconceptions.

It was his own finger. There was nothing gay about masturbation.

Still, he let his mind drift down that path. He closed his eyes again and imagined. How would Natsu's hands feel? How would it be like, those burning fingers sliding inside, those narrow eyes watching him, that voice speaking low and seductive words.

"Oh shit," Gray gasped, getting caught up in the fantasy. His other hand reached up and stroked his hardened cock. "Oh _shit!_ "

Gray squirmed on his bed until the pillow slid from under his hips.

If it was this…

Did he want this with Natsu?

Oh _hell_ yes!

"Natsu," he whispered. "A dick's a lot bigger than a finger, though."

He grabbed the lube, squirted more down, and prepared a second finger. He pulled back, then slowly nudged the other finger inside.

"Shit! Ow, ow, ow! Okay … ow … that's not as easy as I figured. Shit, slower, gentler. Sheesh, maybe it's a good thing I'm practicing on my own." He rested there with the second finger only barely nudged in. His face cringed. "I knew it. This is gonna hurt. Why would two guys even want this?"

Still, if it felt good the first time, maybe it would feel better once he got the second one in and stretched out. Trying to relax, he forced the finger on up, feeling the tightness resisting the intrusion. Gray clenched his teeth, but straining hurt worse. He panted, tried to relax again, and pressed more.

"Fuck!" he shouted, but he realized his finger was all the way up. "Shit, how do men fit a whole dick up here? No way!"

There had to be a trick to this. If he had listened to Rei-chan, if he had taken her offer…

No! Like he told her, he would rather wing it than take her.

He gave himself a minute, and soon the pain eased. When he slipped around again, there was still an edge of pain, but mostly he just felt an incredible fullness.

"How can it hurt and feel so good?" he groaned. "Ah! Nnngh!"

Thrusting into himself twisted his wrist weirdly, but it was a great feeling. He began to stroke himself again, and he felt a wet drip slip out. Gray closed his eyes and let himself fantasize like usual. The Dragon Slayer had been dominating his imagination for months now. This time, it was solely him. There was only one man he would trust to touch here, do this, and not hurt him.

"Natsu," he whispered. "Nngh … Natsu."

Gray shivered and moaned. He wanted more!

"Maybe … three?"

Rei-chan had said that to truly loosen up Natsu, Gray should attempt three fingers. If he was going to do this to Natsu, he should do it on himself, just so he knew how. So he pulled his hand back, got his ring finger positioned, and tried to squeeze it in with the other two. Suddenly, Gray shouted as he felt a sharp, burning pain, and he quickly withdrew the third finger.

"Okay, maybe not," he cringed. "Not this time. Just two. Two is … good."

He eased the two back in. Sure enough, that much felt full but no longer painful. He made slow, long thrusts, groaning as the fingers slid in, sighing as they smoothly slicked out. He whispered Natsu's name, returning to his fantasy.

It was the dragon prince. It was the Dragon Slayer. It was some fiery demon incubus. His fantasies switched around, but that face was always the same.

"Natsu."

Those hot hands. That hot mouth. Those fiery eyes. Everything about him!

"Natsu … for you … if it's you … I wouldn't mind."

Even the painful parts, he could put up with it. He had suffered far more pain brawling with Natsu. If it was those fingers…

"I want it," he whispered to his fantasies. "I want you."

Suddenly, Gray's eyes opened wide.

"I … want you?"

He thought about how terrified he had been by the idea of intimacy with Natsu. What had scared him so much? This wasn't really scary.

"I want … you."

It wasn't just the sex. It was sex with _him_. With a friend. A teammate. Nakama. He rarely dated nakama. He _never_ had sex with them. He never even wanted sex with them. But with Natsu … this was different. It meant something.

What had Rei-chan said? He was the sort who could not fall in love unless he first knew the person as well as he knew himself. All those girls before, he barely knew them. The less he knew, the easier sex was, mindless and faceless. Physical satisfaction without emotional baggage.

With a friend, it was different. With a friend, he felt deep in his soul that there had to be love before there could be sex, and he had never found love before.

Until now.

"Oh shit!" he cried out, stopping all movement as the epiphany finally befell him with a jolt of shock. "I want him!"

It was more than just lust and craving sex. He never wanted sex with friends. He never felt it was right. There was never love! But now, it was different. He wanted it! He wanted Natsu! He felt like he could do this … no … he desperately wanted to do this with Natsu! He wanted to … because in his heart…

* * *

_"I want something better than just sex. I want to be your first love."_

_"You'll give me your soul, and one day, you'll beg me to take your body as well."_

_"Once upon a time, I said I wanted to be your first love. Do you remember that?"_

_"What more do you want? What will make you fall in love with me?"_

* * *

"I'm…" Gray whispered. "I'm … in love with him."

For a moment, there was the vision of that dragon prince again, that arrogant smile softening to something tender and happiness filling those fiery eyes. A hand reached out, beckoning Gray to leave the crumbled ruins of the icy castle and flee with him to the warm, sunny fields.

"Natsu," he whispered in awe. "I'm … in love. Oh God. Oh … ooooh _God!_ "

He trembled so deeply, Gray cried out. His body was surging toward completion. The wet _schlick-schlick_ of his wrist filled the bedroom, while the fingers in his ass felt the tightening reactions.

"Natsu!" he howled, his toes curling up. "I want you. Fuck, I want you so much. I … _nnngh_ … want … youuuu!"

Gray felt his body succumbing to the pleasure, but in his mind was only his dragon prince. In his fantasy, the icy gown melted off his cold shoulders, the ice prince took the dragon prince's hand, and he stepped away from the melting tower and its dripping chill. The hand was hot, but it was gentle. It guided him through the mess, all those walls he had built around his heart to keep out the flames. It was scary coming out, stepping away from the protection of those walls, but with the dragon prince there, he felt like maybe—just maybe—he could fly free!

When he opened his eyes, it was his room, and there was wetness on his belly. He huffed as his body buzzed. Slowly, he pulled his fingers out. Who would have thought a little ass-action would be that good!

And who would have thought the ice prince could melt to the flames of a dragon!

"Natsu," he whispered weakly. "I need to apologize to him. Definitely. And … I don't think I need three days. I want him." Gray sank down against the pillows as he felt his body thrumming to the pleasure. "I want him. I … love him." He closed his eyes, and a tear slipped out. "Natsu," he smiled to himself, and Gray laughed in happiness. "I'm in love!"

**Next Chapter: "The First to Know"**


	33. The First to Know

_"Sometimes we just need to tell someone what is really going on inside. Sometimes that's all it takes to begin our healing."  
― S. C. Lourie_

 

* * *

Although Gray's mind was made up, he still waited. He felt it was not fair to have pushed Natsu away before, only to embrace him the very next day. He wanted to show that he really had thought about it. It just took less time to figure things out than he figured.

He did not wait long, though. After cleaning up, he decided that he needed to get out of Magnolia. He walked to the train station and purchased a ticket for the next morning. Then he went home, made something to eat, and stayed in for the day. He tried not to think about this too much. If he thought about it, he might convince himself otherwise. He went to bed early, but he laid in bed staring up at the ceiling, wishing the summer sun would set sooner. Instead, the light lingered, a purple glow oozed through his curtains, and some nearby tavern blasted music. He closed his eyes to the gloaming and let the music send him to sleep.

In his dream was the dragon prince again, but now they were in a bare room. There was a long table between them, the kind seen in classic depictions of royalty at dinner. A candelabra burned in front of the half-dragon, lighting up his pink hair. A bucket of ice with an unopened bottle of champagne sat in front of Gray. They gazed at each other from opposite ends of the massive table. It felt like they spent half the night staring at one another in silence. A clock ticked somewhere, and as the hours passed the ticking got louder, heavier, more ominous.

"Well," Natsu finally spoke. His voice shocked Gray out of the pounding tick-tock noise. The narrow green eyes turned toward the bottle of champagne, then back up at him. "Aren't you going to open it?"

Gray looked at the ice bucket. Open it. Champagne to celebrate. He had not opened the bottle yet. It sat there, sweating, waiting for the party, toasting to happiness in the future. Waiting. It was just the two of them now, no icy castle or summery sunflower fields, but now it felt like they were further apart than ever.

Staring in hesitation, Gray woke up to find it already morning.

* * *

Lyon and Jura were in the midst of discussing the results of Toby's last mission—he was "almost as bad as Natsu" according to Lyon—when Gray raced through the doors of Lamia Scale.

"Lyon! I need to talk with you," he bellowed out, almost crashing into two other guild members.

The elder Ice-Make wizard looked first to the Wizard Saint. Jura tucked his hands into his sleeves and gave a passive nod. His face said that matters could wait, family always came first, and he knew this young man was the closest thing to family that Lyon had. All members of Lamia Scale were in silent debt to Gray; they all knew it was his positive influence that brought a strong wizard like Lyon to their guild.

The two foster brothers stepped out into the summer heat. The sun blazed, and here they did not have the breeze off the bay like in Magnolia. Instantly and in synchronism, they both tossed their shirts off.

"This must be serious," Lyon observed, walking slowly along a stone path behind the guild. "You're out of breath."

"I'm in love," Gray blurted out.

Lyon stared at him and blinked in surprise. Gray, in love? "With Juvia?"

"Um … no. With … well, with…" It was harder to admit than he thought. "I … I need a second opinion. I told you about my … um … dilemma with … issues."

Lyon chuckled at his awkwardness. "You mean about having feelings for a man. I was wondering how that was progressing."

"Uh … y-yeah, that." Gray glanced around suspiciously, but they were in a garden behind Lamia Scale's guild. The arbor they strolled through was secluded with a stretched vine-covered pergola giving them privacy. It was so quiet, only birdsong and rustling leaves, they would be able to hear anyone approaching. "I thought about it a lot, and I might be … no," he whispered, and he said again with firm decisiveness. "I'm in love." As soon as he declared it, he laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. "It's crazy to say it out loud."

Lyon patted Gray's upper arm. "Good for you. So, who is this lucky boyfriend of yours?" he pressed eagerly.

"Oh! Uh, I haven't asked him out yet."

"They why are you talking with me?" Lyon snapped. "Seriously, man up and confess to this guy."

"I did."

"You d- … oh," he pouted in sympathy. "Did he turn you down? I'm so sorry, Gray."

"N-no! He feels the same."

Lyon lifted an eyebrow. "That's good. So what the hell is the problem?"

Gray sighed in anguish. "I am. I held back. I wasn't sure what I wanted. Lyon, have you noticed anything … _strange_ about me?"

"I noticed you're an immature idiot years ago."

"I mean about girls. With relationships in general. I've never been in love. I've been attracted to lots of girls, but never love. With Natsu, I'm not _physically_ attracted, per say, but whenever I see him…"

"Wait, what?" Lyon shouted so loudly, some birds in the arbor flew away. "Natsu? Natsu Dragneel? Salamander? The Fire Dragon Slayer? Son of Igneel the Flame Dragon King? The man you've called flame-brain since the first time I met him? The one you hate, who fights you all the time, and you two use any excuse to kick each other's butts? Him?"

"Um … y-yeah," Gray admitted. "It's crazy, right?"

Lyon stared at him for almost half a minute. Then he folded his arms pensively. "Not crazy. Unexpected, though. I was in a debate between Loke and Freed, since you said it was a friend of yours. Still, with Natsu … I had a weird feeling about him. He paid a little too much attention to you lately. Still, I didn't think it was this serious. It's surprising…"

"That's an understatement," Gray muttered.

"But perhaps I should say, about damn time!" he laughed softly. "So, are you sure he loves you?"

"Yeah, he confessed."

"And you confessed to him?"

Gray paused. "Uh … well, I told him I liked him."

"So you're dating?"

Gray cringed down a little. "No. I said I needed time, and I thought I should tell you first."

"Idiot! Are you really that stupid? Don't come back here and talk to me about this until you do something about it. Make it official. Ask him out. Sheesh, why are you even talking to me when you should be talking to the one you love and telling him how you feel?"

"That's the problem," Gray yelled in frustration. "I'm not attracted to him as a man, but I love him as a person. How is that even possible?"

Lyon stared for a long time before muttering, "You really are a child."

"Shut up!" Gray screamed, shaking with his emotions. They came up to some stone benches tucked amidst the greenery, and Gray collapsed down onto one, folding his hands between his knees and hunching over. The dappled light filtering through the arbor played over his anguished brow as he glared down at a line of ants. "Look, this is serious, maybe the most serious thing in my life, and if you're not going to help me then I'll ask someone else."

Lyon sighed, but he also felt a bit honored that Gray had turned to him. He took a seat beside his foster brother, his back straight in opposition to Gray's slouched spine. "So, you're not physically attracted, but you're emotionally attracted. And sexually?"

Gray blushed in embarrassment. "Y-yeah, I guess so."

"You've fantasized about having sex with him?"

"So what if I have?" he snapped defensively. Lyon arched an eyebrow. "S-sorry. It's still weird for me, okay? Hey, um, have you ever heard of _demisexual_?"

"Someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction unless they first form an emotional bond with the other person. That's not really you. You find ladies attractive and sleep with them at random. Demiromantic, maybe."

"And that is?" he asked.

"You only fall romantically in love after getting to know a person on a deep emotional level. It explains why you've never fallen in love before now. You never let your girlfriends get close enough to you."

Gray rubbed his chin as he thought about it. "And when I would date friends, I never wanted sex. I knew in my heart that I wasn't in love and didn't want to hurt them. So why would I want sex with Natsu when I've never liked guys before in my life?"

"Easy," Lyon shrugged. "You fell romantically in love first."

"But still, I'm not really attracted to Natsu. That's what worries me," Gray confessed. "You're supposed to see someone you like and think they're sexy, right?"

"Not necessarily. If that was true, many men would never get laid."

"I always have," Gray insisted.

"No, you've only fucked women who you found to be attractive."

"I guess you have a point," he conceded. "Still, I look at him and I don't think he has a hot body, sexy abs, or pretty hair. I'm not _attracted_ that way. I've never looked at any men and thought they were sexy."

Lyon reached up to a fruit hanging from the pergola vines and pluck it off. "Love is often strongest when it's not based purely on physical appearance."

Gray grumbled to the side, "Says the man who fell for Juvia at first sight."

Lyon ignored his remark and continued to turn the fruit around in his hands. "Your romantic attraction bypassed your up-to-now heterosexual attractions. You could say you fell in love with his brains and not his body."

"Natsu has ash for brains," Gray said immediately, almost as an instinct. He fell silent, feeling slightly guilty for insulting Natsu, although it was something he had done since the first day they met. "Does … does this make me … I dunno … bisexual or something?"

"Bi-curious, maybe. You're still not sure, right?"

"I … I think … well, I love him. Maybe. Pretty sure."

Lyon chuckled at how indecisive he still sounded. "Try it out. You may be bisexual even though you don't find men to be sexually attractive. That could be why you never fell in love with a man before now. Your demiromantic side prevented you from feeling that attraction, since you would have to fall in love with a man emotionally before you felt attraction sexually. As you fall deeper in love, perhaps you'll also find Natsu to be attractive. If not, there's nothing wrong with that."

"I don't want him to feel insulted though," Gray insisted. "What if he asks if he looks pretty in a new shirt?"

Lyon arched an eyebrow. "I don't think men ask those sorts of questions."

"He might!" Gray shouted. "How can I be his boyfriend if I don't actually find him attractive?" He yanked at his hair with a low groan. "Seriously, it should _not_ be this confusing!"

Lyon bit into the fruit. "Attraction for you seems to be a real gray area, nothing black and white. Since Natsu is your first love, it's hard to say what you are, so stop trying to label everything. You love him, he loves you, leave it at that for now and see where things go."

"But what if I fuck it all up?" Gray whispered, glaring down at the stone path. "I don't want to mess things up with him."

Lyon glanced sideways at him with a proud smile. "That alone says a lot about your feelings, doesn't it?"

Gray realized he had a point. He was over-thinking everything because he really wanted this to work. That showed how deeply he felt for Natsu.

Lyon took another bite and looked at the juice dripping from the fruit. "Love is complex; no single thing triggers it. Appearances, attitudes, acts of kindness. Sometimes we can't pinpoint what did it, or when it happened. Gradually over time, it's a culmination of everything about them that does it, and all those elements compact together like snowflakes rolled into a snowball. They grow until the snowball becomes a boulder, and over time they grow stronger, deeper, more powerful, until you're smacked with the avalanche-like realization that you're in love."

Gray smiled passively. Lyon always knew how to phrase things in a way he understood.

"Thanks. So you don't think I'm losing my mind, right?"

"I think you lost it back when we were kids," Lyon smirked playfully. "As for this matter, you're different from average people, but you should be used to that, considering you're a pupil of Ur."

"That's true. You're missing your shirt, idiot."

"I'm wondering where the hell your pants went, pervert."

Gray looked down. "Crap! When did that happen?" He saw the trousers along the path they had walked, but he did not recall removing them. "Thanks, Lyon. Really. I wanted to make sure it wasn't a stupid idea."

Lyon glared at him. "If I said it was, would that convince you not to ask him out?"

Gray thought seriously about it. "Probably not."

"Good! If you said yes, I'd tell you to forget it. If what your friends say can affect your heart that easily, you don't deserve that person at all. If every person in the world goes against you, and you still stay firm to your heart, then you really are in love. You're here talking to me because you're a coward and don't have the balls to talk to him."

"Hey!" Gray shouted. "I am not a coward. I just thought I'd tell my brother first. I wanted you to be the first to know."

"Idiot! Tell me after it's official. You don't need my blessing." He folded his arms and looked away stubbornly. "I'm not Natsu's future mother-in-law. Sheesh!"

Gray smirked teasingly. "No, but you could be his future brother-in-law."

Lyon felt a shiver tingle his arms. "That's a harrowing thought!"

Gray laughed and raised to his feet. "Thanks again. I'm actually really relieved that you approve."

"Who says I do?" stated Lyon. "I think he's an idiot, and I think you need to be careful that you don't get burned. Still, if he makes you this stupidly happy, then who am I to say if it's a good or bad idea? It's what you both want, and that's all that matters in the end. So get the hell out of here and tell that guy how you feel."

Gray nodded, and he left back the way he came, picking up his clothes as he left.

"That asshole," Lyon sighed. "I've never seen him this messed up over someone. It really must be love. Lucky bastard. And that means," Lyon grinned to himself, "Juvia is totally free!"

**Next Chapter: "Breaking Boundaries"**


	34. Breaking Boundaries

_"And when the hardest part is over we'll be here,_  
_And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears."_  
_― Brandon Flowers_

 

* * *

Gray strode into the Fairy Tail guild hall. Instantly, his eyes were drawn over by heat and a flash of pink.

"That won't work with me, Elfman!"

"We'll see who's more _manly_!"

"Take it outside, boys."

Gray smiled as he saw Elfman and Natsu in a brawl. He watched the nimble way Natsu fought. For how wild and destructive he was, his body movements could be swift and precise. He easily dodged Elfman's fist, leaped up onto a table without upsetting Cana's drinks, jumped, grabbed a rafter, and used the momentum to land two feet straight into Elfman's face. Gray took a seat on the side, not realizing just how much he was staring and smiling.

"Do you want to join in?"

Gray jolted and looked over to see Romeo also watching the fight. Beside him was Wendy, who was apparently babysitting Asuka.

"You look like you want to have a go with Natsu-nii as well," the boy noted.

Gray looked back at the fight. "He and I have something to discuss."

"A mission?" asked Wendy.

Romeo grinned in excitement. "A fight?"

"Fight!" Asuka cheered.

Quietly, Gray replied, "Not this time."

He thought about what he had confessed to Lyon. He did not see Natsu as physically attractive. Then again, Gray had always focused on things like breasts, hips, thighs, ankles, the back of the neck, even a girl's hands and shoulders could be desirable, sexy traits. He had sought out delicate features, and Natsu was anything but delicate.

Still, he supposed he could see why women would find him handsome. He knew what traits Cana said she liked about guys, mostly muscles and a firm ass. Lucy was a real romantic who spoke with a flush to her cheeks about men's eyes, their smile, simple things. Some girls ogled Gray for his abs or pectorals, some admired the scars he had and said they added character.

Natsu had all that: muscles, nice eyes, a beaming smile, and scars from fights. Still, while Gray could admire those badges of battle, his massive smile warmed his heart, and those eyes could enchant, altogether … why did he not find Natsu physically attractive? Was he not into guys physically? Was it that he simply was not used to looking at men _that way_?

He admired Natsu's fighting style, though. He admired the way Natsu had trained his muscles. He admired those scars and what they stood for.

Was that enough?

Out of the haze of second-guessing, Gray realized there was a table flying their way. Reacting mostly on instinct, he pounded his fist into his hand, and a shield of ice blocked the soaring table, letting it shatter and splinter away from the children.

"Hey, bastard!" Gray bellowed. "Be careful around kids."

Natsu heard that voice, and he looked around in surprise. He had not expected Gray to come back so soon. A smile flitted across his face briefly just before Elfman got a hit in, and then it was Natsu flying toward Gray instead. He slammed into the ice shield, and Gray saw his smashed face pressed against the clear ice. Slowly, Natsu slid down, and Asuka giggled at how funny he looked.

Gray dispersed the shield and caught Natsu in his arms while Elfman howled his victory.

"Not … done … fighting," Natsu mumbled. "Haha, there's birdies flying in the guild."

Gray hoisted him up onto his shoulder. "Okay, that's enough for you." Then he sniffed something in the Dragon Slayer's breath. "Wait, are you drunk? You smell!"

"Beer!" Asuka shouted. "Natsu drank lotsa, lotsa beer."

"Idiot," Gray grumbled. "What time do you think it is?"

"Nap time," Natsu mumbled, and suddenly he slumped unconscious.

Gray groaned in annoyance, grabbed Natsu tighter, and with Romeo's help he hoisted Natsu up onto his back. "I'll take him home," he told the others. "Where's Happy?"

Wendy told him, "He, Carla, and Pantherlily left together on a training vacation. They'll be back in a couple of days."

"So you're alone," he whispered, glancing at where Natsu was asleep on his shoulder and starting to drool. "No wonder you got drunk."

He headed out, carrying Natsu through town and out to the woods. He followed the path to the house shared with Happy. Luckily, the door was unlocked, only a magic seal common to wizards. Gray pressed Natsu's limp hand on the seal, and the warding dispersed, letting them enter.

He took Natsu to the bedroom and dropped him down on the mattress. "This is payback for carrying me here that one time," he said.

Natsu giggled in his sleep. "Payback."

"The hell are you dreaming about?" Gray grumbled.

He went to the kitchen and made coffee, since Natsu would probably have a hangover when he woke up. Then he also fixed up a couple of sandwiches. He was doing dishes—which had piled up and were moldy—when Natsu shuffled out of the bedroom rubbing his head.

"What happened?" he muttered in a slur.

"You got your drunken ass kicked by Elfman," Gray told him.

"Wait, I lost?" he shouted, but instantly Natsu regretted the loud noise. "Ow, ow … head hurts."

Gray pointed to the sandwiches on the table. "Eat. It'll help. Also, there are pills and a glass of water for the headache."

"Are you my mom or something?"

Natsu took the medication anyway. Gray poured out the coffee and set the cups down, taking a seat across from Natsu.

The narrow, green eyes glanced up. "So, how are you doing?"

"Pretty good." Oh hell, this was starting off nervous and awkward already! "I, um … I talked to someone. Y'know, about us."

The grogginess of the hangover jolted out of Natsu's face as he caught his breath and stared at Gray in anticipation.

"You were right; it helped. I realized my fears were pretty stupid."

"They're not stupid at all," Natsu protested. "I've known for nearly a year that I had feelings for you, and it took me this long to do anything about it. I don't expect you to make a choice like this so suddenly. And you're worried about sex, right? If it'll hurt or feel good or what. I'm a bit worried about that, too. I mean, I'm a … I'm … I've never … done it." His cheeks flushed as he muttered the last bit so quietly, his words blended with the ticking of a clock in the other room.

Gray looked at him silently. He tried to imagine it: Natsu and that lady, that other stripper, how he looked under her _guidance_ , his faces as she taught him _how to accept pleasure_. He had to look away just to stop the growing jealousy.

Still, Rei-chan said she used only her fingers. In that sense, Natsu had less experience than Gray himself.

"At least you have experience," Natsu muttered.

Gray was shocked to see a little bit of jealousy on his normally childish face. Was this why Natsu went to Rei-chan in the first place? Gray knew he was jealous of that woman, feeling like she somehow corrupted Natsu. Was Natsu just as jealous of all the girls Gray had known in the past?

"I'm not really experienced in _that_ ," he said defensively. "At least you and that other stripper…"

Natsu looked up sharply. He said it again: _other stripper_. Somehow, hearing jealousy like that made Natsu happy.

Gray did not want to say too much. He did not want Natsu to know that the person he talked to was that woman, and he knew he should not feel jealous of her. Like she said, she had been only a tool, a living _toy_ for Natsu to practice on to learn how to treat his partner gently. Gray knew from his attempts yesterday, touching in that area was not easy.

"This is totally different for me," Gray said, hoping to explain it. "You're a virgin, so it's easier for you."

Natsu scoffed, "No it's not!"

"Yes, it is," Gray muttered. "Everything will be new to you, so you'll be learning as we go. For me … when you think you already know everything, and then you're thrust into a situation that's totally different, you make all sorts of mistakes. It's not the same at all!"

Again, he remembered fingering his ass. With women, the fingers slipped in so easily. On himself, it had been painful until he forced himself to relax.

"Even kissing you is different," he whispered.

Natsu shrugged. "Lips are lips."

Gray had to laugh as such a naïve concept. "No, they're not. Your lips…"

He broke off and blushed. Natsu kissed aggressively, unlike any woman he had ever known. Even the feel, the thinness, the slight roughness from shaving, everything felt different.

"And … and how you touch me. It'll all be different."

Those hands had groped him with urgent possessiveness. They had been rough hands, callused and scarred, burning and yet still tender.

"It's not going to be the same for me," Gray muttered, "and that's intimidating as hell."

Natsu stretched his hand across the table and laid it over Gray's arm. "We can go as slowly as we both need. It'll be difficult on us in different ways. For me, everything is new, and it's all a little scary. For you … well, you've dated girls at least, but I can see how being with a guy is different. We'll start with what we both like, and we can figure out the rest."

Gray felt annoyed that Natsu could say things like this so easily, whereas his heart was in chaos. It frustrated him, feeling like Natsu was a step above him, so he snapped in anger, "Stop sounding so goddamn mature about this."

Natsu jolted back, not expecting the outburst. "What?" he cried out, wondering if he said something wrong.

"It's just not you." Gray pouted and looked aside, wishing he could be so at ease instead of feeling his heart racing wildly.

Gray glanced across the table at Natsu. He remembered that dream about the long table and the waiting champaign bottle. It was still waiting. He had not made this official. Until he did, Natsu was so far away.

It really was a terrifying thing, feeling his heart racing and knowing it pounded for this crazy man. If this did not work out, what would happen to them, to their friendship, to the team?

But if he ignored it and pulled away, that would be even worse now that Natsu knew how he felt.

He had already leaped off the cliff. Now he either curled into a ball and fell, or he spread his arms wide and hoped to fly.

Natsu reached his hand out invitingly. For a moment, Gray thought he saw the Dragon Prince of his dreams reaching out to him, ready to pull the Ice Prince out of the ruins of the wintry walls and brumal barriers, offering to fly him away into warm fields and a summer sky. He just needed to stretch out across the table, take that hand, and soar with the dragon.

Gray wrapped his fingers around that rough, warm hand. He looked at the shades of their skin, Natsu's a little darker than his own. He felt the warmth, the _realness_ of those fingers. Still holding them, he stood up and walked up to the Dragon Slayer.

"Natsu?"

He glanced up, wondering why Gray looked so serious.

Gray cupped the side of Natsu's face and said, "You were too air-headed to figure out how I felt, yet I guess I was pretty stupid, too. I felt cornered by these feelings, and so I fought against them. Still, now I can say—" He blushed. "—I like you. I … love you."

Natsu's mouth dropped, and his heart felt like it stopped for a moment. Then he laughed and rested his forehead on Gray's as a feeling of relief swept over his heart. "You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that. Damn, I was worried."

Both smiled to each other warmly as this declaration eased the longing they had felt for so many months.

Gray pulled back. "There's more. I…" He cringed as he still felt weird saying these sorts of words. He was used to flirting and sweet-talking girls, not pouring his heart out. "I'm not really confident, but I know I want you to be a bigger part of my life, so … so…" He gulped hard and blurted out the rest in a rush. "Will you go out with me?"

Although Gray had said he would be the one to ask, actually hearing those words stunned him. It was a dream come true. No … he never even dreamed of something like this. It was better than a dream. Gray wanted him! He wanted to be a couple!

Gray waited anxiously, but when Natsu kept staring with a gaping mouth, he got anxious. "Well?" he snapped.

Natsu jolted out of his shock, and like a firestorm, he surged forward, leaping into Gray's arms.

"Whoa!" the ice wizard cried out, getting knocked a few steps back.

"Yes!" Natsu shouted.

"Not in my ear, bastard!"

Natsu pulled back and grinned with excitement. "Yes. I'll go out with you. I love you, too. Gray!" He grabbed around again and hugged him tightly.

Gray was about to complain—it seriously felt like Natsu was about to crush his ribs—but he let it go. He hugged Natsu and smiled, feeling all the ice in his heart melt away.

"We're equals," Gray said.

"Yes," he said, his throat choking up.

"But we go at the pace that's comfortable for us both."

"Yes." Natsu sobbed and buried his face into Gray's shirt.

"And we have to promise that if this doesn't work out, we'll be mature enough to go back to being teammates."

"It'll work," Natsu insisted.

"No one can know that. I want it to work, but that's something that scares me. If it doesn't, I don't want the team to fall apart."

"It won't. I promise. And I'll make this work out. Whatever you need, anything you want to do, or not do, I just … I…"

"You're getting snot on me, brat."

Natsu pulled up and wiped his face. "Sorry. I'm just so happy."

Gray smiled as he wondered how deep Natsu's emotions must have been to come gushing out like this.

"Stop crying."

"I c-can't."

"Then stop crying long enough so I can kiss you, idiot."

Natsu laughed moistly, roughly wiped his face dry with his scarf, and looked up with a smile. There were no more tears, but his eyes were puffy, his nose was red with a shininess of snot about to drip, and his face flushed from wiping so hard. He looked like a pathetic mess, but Gray found that endearing.

"Seriously, I fell for an idiot," Gray sighed, and he leaned over to give Natsu a soft kiss.

Natsu had been praying that Gray was using this time to really think about it and not just run away. He had figured Gray would take all three days and then ask for more time. He even schemed of ways to trick Gray into accepting him. Then Happy left, and Natsu fell into depression.

What if Gray really did run away? What if he really was ashamed like he had shouted? What if he just ruined everything and Gray would hate him?

So he decided to get drunk to forget his fears and make the time pass quicker. Then Elfman made some boast, and a fight sounded like fun. Fight, drink more, pass out, and maybe those three days would vanish. Then Gray would give his answer. He was almost positive it would be a denial. No way would Gray want this. He fucked it all up.

So seeing Gray in the guild hall really did shock him. Waking up at home with Gray fixing him food was like a dream. Now this! He really wondered if it was a dream, except the hangover's pain was too real. Maybe getting drunk was a stupid idea, but at least he knew he was sober now … and hungover … and Gray was here, hugging him, kissing him, wanting to be his boyfriend.

Natsu thought about those months dealing with the growing feelings alone, sitting by Gray's side in the hospital, watching him sitting in his wheelchair and slowly falling into depression, struggling to do things that would cheer him up, that horrible moment when Gray said he was going to get his leg amputated, and those weeks—or was it months—racing around Fiore, obsessed with finding a machine to heal him, ready to give anything, because Natsu knew that if Gray lost his leg, he would never be the same, ever! That would be it! He could never be whole, be the same Gray as before. There was no way in hell Natsu would let Gray suffer for the rest of his life, waking up every morning to the missing leg, a lifelong reminder of his defeat.

He would do anything— _anything—_ to keep Gray from suffering for the rest of his life.

Natsu's heart was weak, but that was out of love. He could live with something like that, because it reminded him of his burning feelings. Gray's leg would have been a negative reminder. Natsu was not going to let Gray live with reminders that only pained him. He really would risk his life to prevent that from happening.

One day, he would tell Gray about that sacrifice, but it had to be the right time. Gray had to realize it was done out of love. Otherwise, Natsu's weakened heart would be something to pain Gray with guilt. He had to wait for the right moment, when Gray knew how deep Natsu's emotions ran.

Right now, they were just starting. Natsu felt wild excitement, like the rush he got when he knew a fight was about to begin with a really strong enemy. Only this time it was not a fight and not an enemy. It was exactly the opposite, and winning this was worth far more than Jewels on a reward poster.

Their kiss lingered until Gray slowly pulled back. "Have you calmed down?"

Natsu laughed softly. Calm? He would probably never feel calm again. Somewhere deep inside his heart, it would always flutter with happiness. Even if years passed and they were two old men reminding one another to put in their dentures, Natsu would still feel a slight twist in his stomach and giddiness in his bones just to be near Gray.

"Does your head still hurt?" Gray asked in concern.

Natsu felt a cold hand reach up to his forehead, and an aura of iciness permeated out.

"Ooh, that feels good," Natsu hummed.

"Let's sit on the couch. You can rest until your head feels better. Sorry for asking you such an important thing when you're hungover."

"It doesn't matter. I'm just happy."

"I still could have timed it better."

Natsu grinned as they walked over to the couch. Gray had asked because it was probably ready to burst inside of him. He wanted to say the words so much, he asked at what was actually a really crappy time. Not like Natsu cared! So as long as Gray asked and they were together.

"So, we're boyfriends now, right?" he asked, just making sure.

"I guess so," Gray muttered.

"You guess?"

Gray took a seat on the couch. "That's what you consider it, right? Boyfriends?"

Natsu sat and flopped his head down onto Gray's lap. "That's what I'm going to consider it. You're my boyfriend," he declared, grinning up at Gray's blushing face. "Hey, put some of the coldness on my head. That felt good."

Gray reached down and placed his hand on Natsu's forehead. Sitting like this was nice, intimate, and his heart fluttered to touch Natsu in such a gentle way.

"So, um … what can we do?" the Dragon Slayer asked. "I know we both want to go slow, so what are the rules? Can I kiss you?"

Gray smiled with a soft blush. "Yeah, that's fine. Oh, but not in public."

"Okay." Natsu figured he could hold himself back that much. "What about holding hands in public?"

Gray thought about that. Normally, he had no problem with it, but he knew it attracted attention. Still, he rather liked the idea of holding hands and taking a stroll along the bay. "Maybe," he muttered. "It depends."

"Then I'll leave that to you. Hold my hand when you want to. Can we tell everyone?"

"Well, yeah. I wouldn't want to keep it a secret. That's pretty shitty, and Mira would figure it out anyway. She always does."

"True. Plus Erza and Lucy approve already. Can we go on dates?"

Gray chuckled softly. "That's what you do when you're dating, idiot."

"Uh, right! Anything else? What am I missing?"

"We can figure it out as we go along," Gray said gently. "If you want to try something, ask me. I'll do the same."

Natsu grinned. "Yeah, just ask. Ask me anything!"

"Okay. Then why the hell were you drunk? That's not like you."

Natsu pouted and stayed silent. He did not want to say that he had been depressed and convinced that Gray was going to run away again.

Gray guessed it anyway. "I told you, I needed time."

"I know. I was still worried. You're an idiot, so I had no idea what you might do on your own."

Gray glared, frosted a finger over, and stuck it in Natsu's ear.

"Hey!" Natsu yanked away, but instantly a pounding in his head made him flop back down with a wretched groan.

"That's punishment for calling me an idiot. Come on, rest some more." He placed his hand back on Natsu's head, stroked back into his hair, and slowly relaxed as he petted Natsu. His hair was surprisingly soft, and Gray smiled as he let his fingers play through the strands.

Natsu closed his eyes and hummed in contentment. "So, you talked to someone?"

Gray flinched slightly, but Natsu did not see it. "Y-yeah. I just got back from Lamia Scale."

"Oh! Yeah, it makes sense that you'd talk to Lyon."

Gray kept quiet and let him assume that was the only person he talked to.

"So, he talked you into it?"

"I think his words were 'about damn time.'"

Natsu chuckled at that and he snuggled closer to Gray's stomach. "It took us both long enough."

"You said it was last year that you fell in love," Gray pointed out.

Natsu nodded, keeping his eyes closed as he remembered those months of silent torment, scared that he felt the way he did, and unsure what to do about it. "You were still recovering in the hospital when things … changed. Don't hate me, but I kissed you in your sleep while you were drugged up after a surgery."

"Asshole," Gray muttered, but he did not complain. He remembered his heartfelt confession when Natsu was in a coma. That was just as bad.

"It took me a while to figure it out. Months! I think it was that trip up north. That's when I finally realized what I was feeling. It's why I kinda hated you for sleeping with those two girls."

Gray frowned as he remembered that trip. He had not actually _slept_ with those two girl. He had tried, but he could not stay erect with all the pain in his leg. So he pleasured them and left after they both were satisfied. It had been humiliating and awful, making him feel like a broken man.

"I didn't want to shock you with something like that, so I tried to deal with it myself. It didn't really work. Then came Rei-chan. She's that dancer; I think you met her."

Gray cleared his throat. "Um, yeah, we … we met."

"At first, I went along with Loke because I thought that if I got a girl, I could forget about you. I thought I could force myself into fantasizing about someone else."

Gray frowned as he realized he had tried the same thing. "Like me and Juvia," he muttered.

Natsu finally opened his eyes. "I thought you dated her because you liked her."

"I do like her, but as a friend. I asked her out because I was messed up over you and thought you'd never want someone like me, a guy, your rival."

"Sheesh, we really are assholes," Natsu sighed.

"So … you … did you _like_ Rei-chan?" he asked cautiously.

"She's a friend now, but … I couldn't … all I could picture was you. That first day, she took me to a private room. I thought I really could be a normal guy but … it just wasn't what I wanted. She knew that, too. Right from the first kiss, she sensed it somehow. I don't know how she figured out that I was bisexual, but she did, almost instantly."

Gray nodded silently. That woman had an uncanny ability.

"She was the one who decided … not to _do_ me."

Gray jolted. "You were ready to have sex with her?"

Natsu turned his head aside with guilt. "I wanted to be a normal guy, and you were having sex with girls, so I thought if … if I did that, maybe … maybe I could get over you and go back to how I was." He frowned deeply with guilt.

Gray sighed in regret. He had bragged about those two girls up north, and he remembered how much Natsu hated that, always bringing it up. Now he realized Natsu had been in love with him during that time. It must have hurt him deeply.

"When … um … when did you first go to her?"

Natsu thought back. "I think it was the day we had that argument and you said I was like a brother. I dunno, that just … it hurt a bit. I was in love, and the best I could hope for was being a brother. Brothers don't fall in love with each other. Well, not normally. I knew you meant it good, but at the same time it made me want to cry. That was when Loke found me and took me there. He thought if I got laid, I'd feel less crappy. Rei-chan said that what I needed wasn't sex, but training. She encouraged me to think of you while I kissed her, but … but it wasn't the same. It just wasn't. I wanted _you_. Not her. Not anyone else."

Gray's lower lip quivered as he realized the reason why Natsu went to the strip club and hooked up with a call-girl was all to protect Gray from the intensity of his passion. His eyes softened in pity, realizing that Natsu probably felt like he had no other outlet.

Natsu looked up at Gray timidly. "Do … do I kiss okay?"

Gray barked out a laugh. "Okay? You're incredible!" He froze up and blushed as soon as he said it. "Ah! I mean…"

Natsu laughed and cuddled into him with happiness. "Then the weirdness was worth it."

Gray sighed and kept petting his head. Weirdness? Natsu probably hated those sessions with Rei-chan, knowing he wanted to learn but feeling guilty about it afterward. Gray now had a bit of an idea about that feeling, although all he had done with that woman was talk and had her show him how to finger an ass.

He quietly looked over Natsu's body. It was not what he would personally consider cute, or pretty, or handsome. Natsu was not bad looking, but Gray was not really attracted to a male body. Still, he thought about the pleasure he had felt on his own, and he imagined how Natsu would look, the way his body would arch in ecstasy, the sounds of his voice, the flush of his face, hazy eyes begging for more, quivering whimpers as he moaned Gray's name…

"What's poking me in the back?" Natsu complained.

Gray jolted and coughed as he realized he had gotten aroused just thinking about it.

Natsu smelled it. He looked up at Gray, slightly stunned, utterly curious, wondering what sorts of things Gray fantasized about. Still, he did not want to ruin this special moment. He smiled, glad to know that he felt this way.

"Hey Gray?"

He coughed again and cleared his voice. "It's … it's not like … I'm sorr-…"

"Wanna go on a date?"

Gray choked back the apology. A date? Here he was, struggling with an unwanted erection, and Natsu … damn him, he was trying to keep things casual, and Gray felt like kissing him for being that considerate.

"Yeah. A date sounds like fun."

Natsu grinned happily, sat up, and watched slyly as Gray quickly adjusted his trousers. He eagerly asked, "What kind of dates do you like?"

Gray thought about it carefully. What would be good for two guys? "Movies?"

"Sounds good."

He smiled, but then Gray hesitated. "Um, who's paying? I'm short on cash after that train ride."

"My treat then," Natsu declared. "We can be equals in dating, too. Next time, you pay." Natsu suddenly looked awkward again. "Um … don't laugh at me, but … well … what do you do when you go on a date? I've read books and stuff, and Lisanna used to make me watch those romance movies she likes, but … it's different between us. We already know each other well. I don't think I should bring you flowers or chocolates."

"Oh, hell no!" Gray sneered.

Natsu chuckled. "So, do I need to get dressed up? You at least need to find your clothes."

Gray looked down. Seriously, when had that happened? "No, we don't need to dress up just to go to the cinema." Natsu handed him his shirt, and Gray pulled it on. "Let's just go."

"Like this?"

"Yeah, like … like that." Gray's eyes lingered on Natsu's body. He felt heat growing in his chest. He had never seen Natsu as handsome, but now something was stirring. It was not the body in particular. It was the fact that this was _Natsu's_ body. He knew how hot it felt, how strong he was, he could see the hills of those muscles, and he imagined the raw power of those arms wrapping around him. "Or … maybe…"

Natsu smelled the air changing. His heart raced as the scent of Gray's arousal flooded the room.

Gray scooted over closer on the couch and stroked his fingers across Natsu's arm, feeling the contour of muscles and the heat radiating through his clothes. "We could stay in. It's early. We could watch a movie later tonight."

Natsu loved the feel of the cold fingers tingling his skin. "Y-yeah," he stuttered as his pulse quickened. He wanted Gray to grab him, to smother him in an avalanche of his cold body.

Gray leaned in closer, up to Natsu's ear, and breathed softly, "I really like how you kiss."

Natsu sighed and trembled. He had been so uncertain with his kissing ability, so it was nice to hear that.

"Rei-chan once bragged about how you kiss."

"Sh-she what?"

"Yeah. I met her at the hospital when you had your heart surgery. She bragged about it. Got me curious as hell."

Now Natsu blushed. It was definitely awkward, thinking that Gray and Rei-chan had met one another alone.

Gray leaned in closer to Natsu's mouth. "She had every reason to brag." He let his lips flutter over Natsu's mouth as he closed his eyes and whispered, "You kiss really good."

Natsu felt those lips press up against him. A soft groan shivered out. Gray kissed him, lightly pulled on his lower lip, and let their lips pop as he pulled back.

"So, you learned this from _her_ , huh?" he glared jealously.

Natsu cringed with guilt. "Just … just basics."

Gray smirked at his reaction. "Like how to make out?"

Natsu's eyes widened in surprise. Did he really want that? "She … um … y-yeah?"

Gray's eyes stayed narrowed. "Did you ever make out with her?"

Natsu pouted, not happy that Gray was fixated on what he had done with Rei-chan. "She _taught_ me. I wasn't in love. It was training."

Gray just smiled, amused to see him defensive. "You know I'll always be a little bit jealous, right?"

Natsu's lower lip stuck out, and his eyes widened in apology. "Forgive me?"

Gray chuckled softly. Seriously! Like a puppy! "You're an idiot."

He grabbed the back of Natsu's head, pulled him in, and kissed him hard. Slowly, those hot hands crept forward, rubbing over him. Natsu suddenly clutched Gray's shirt, squeezing him, hoping Gray did not pull back, because he was crying.

He was crying for all the loneliness up until now.

He was crying for doubting Gray, and for doubting himself.

He was crying in happiness, and those tears felt hottest of all.

They were together. Finally! Gray was his boyfriend. Everything had been worth it. To be here, on this couch, making out with Gray, to feel the strength in his arms wrapped around him, to taste his kisses and smell the scent of arousal, to know Gray was his and the searing joy in his heart at finally having his love returned…

It was worth it.

Every pain of the past.

Every sacrifice.

It was all worth this happiness!

**Next Chapter: "Passion and Fear"**


	35. Passion and Fear

_"If your passion is greater than your fear, you'll have the courage to act."_  
_— Barbara Stoker_

 

* * *

Minutes ticked by as Gray and Natsu kissed and caressed one another on the couch. They pulled back sometimes to smile, laugh in happiness, and then leaned back in again for more kisses. Hot and cold blended as their tongues swirled and dipped into each other's mouths. Gray felt his arousal returning, but he ignored it. Kisses were enough for now.

Still, Natsu smelled it, and he knew he was getting turned on as well. Gray's touches kept hitting places that sent chills through Natsu's body, making him pull back in moan after moan of blushing pleasure.

"How much do you want to do?"

Gray kissed him again. "This much is good. Just kissing." He let their lips pop again and pulled back with a smirk. "What else did you have planned?"

Natsu blushed as he thought about everything he _wanted_ to do. "I … um … wanna … touch…" His hand slid up Gray's thigh—somehow he had lost both his shirt and his pants—and he let his fingers glide over the erection hidden inside the cotton briefs.

Gray gasped and yanked away.

"Sorry!" Natsu cringed, yanking his hand back. Shit! He knew he should not have done that.

"No, I … sorry, but I don't know if I'm ready for that much."

"R-right. Sorry." He frowned, worried that he just ruined the moment. "How about…" He reached up to Gray's chest and stroked over the shoulders. "…can I touch up here?"

Gray loved the feel of those hot hands. "Yeah, that's fine."

Natsu let his fingers drift to the pectorals. "Across here?" He rubbed over Gray's nipple. Instantly, Gray yanked away. "Sorry."

Gray sighed in frustration. "No, I'm sorry. It's just … it's … a little too weird." Dammit! He cursed to himself in frustration. How come when it was some girl he barely knew for a few hours, he had no problems letting her do just about anything to him, but with Natsu he kept feeling overwhelmed and embarrassed?

"Well then, you take over," Natsu grinned. "You do what you want to me. Show me what you're comfortable doing, and I'll only do that much back to you."

Gray looked over Natsu's body again. "Are you okay with that?"

"I don't care," Natsu grinned. "I wanna be touched everywhere. Or if I don't like something, I'll tell you."

Gray felt awkward but also excited. To touch this body! He let his fingers drift over Natsu's arm. "Wait! Can I ask something that's maybe a bit serious?"

Natsu arched an eyebrow. "Okaaaay?"

"That day on the hill, our … um … our first kiss, you said we'd be equals. Is this what you meant?"

"This what?"

"This! Who … you know … _initiates_ things."

"Well, yeah! If you wanna do something, go ahead."

"I guess I mean later on. Not now, but later."

Natsu hesitated a moment, gulped hard, and said in a soft voice, "You mean sex."

Gray blushed at his bluntness. "Y-yeah."

"You are seriously preoccupied with sex, Gray. I don't want sex right now. Kissing, maybe touching, but not that. Sheesh, we just started dating!"

"I know! Fuck, I'm sorry," he cringed, pulling back. "I don't want you to think I'm just wanting that. It's the opposite. I don't want it, not yet, not until I'm ready. Still, it keeps popping into my head, things I want to do someday, not today but whenever we're ready, and I can't enjoy this unless I know for sure how I should imagine all the crap that comes into my head."

Natsu raised an eyebrow. "You are seriously perverted."

"Shut up!" Gray yelled, feeling awful that he was ruining the moment for something like this. "You imagine things too, right?" he accused. "You want to touch me … _down there!_ You've probably been fantasizing about it, right?"

Natsu pouted and looked away. He had been wanting something like that for months, and he had to admit, while making out he began to picture in his head how this would feel if they were doing even more.

"It's the same. I'm not ready, but my brain comes up with things anyway, and then I wonder if that's even something you want, and I argue with myself, I worry if maybe you wouldn't want it at all and I'm deluding myself, and then I'm suddenly out of the moment again and pissed at myself and _god-fucking-dammit why is this so challenging_?" he screamed, grabbing at his hair.

"You get distracted by thoughts of sex?" Natsu asked, shocked but also aroused to hear that.

"Well," Gray muttered. "Y-yeah. My brain imagines how much _more_ we could do, and that's a way to ease me into wanting more and more. But my brain is thinking of it as me always dominating, and I don't know if that's what we'd be doing some day. I don't want to … I mean … I don't wanna say _I don't want to_ , but … when it comes to positions, who tops, I don't … I'm not sure if … shit," he whispered at the end, giving up.

Natsu sighed. Rei-chan had warned him about this conversation, and she told him to be honest. He took both of Gray's hands and squeezed them. Gray looked up in apology, but Natsu told him clearly, being truthful.

"I would want … to be on top."

Gray's mouth dropped in shock. He knew Natsu would probably want that, but he really was amazed to hear it. Worry came next. He was not sure if he could handle the pain. Still, if this was what Natsu wanted, if it was a choice between not having Natsu and having to bottom for him…

"But I would also like to see you try that."

It took a moment for Gray to fully comprehend him. "So, both?"

"It's called switching," Natsu answered.

"Oh. Okay. Switching." A part of Gray realized Natsu must have learned that term from Rei-chan. "So, one time you, and one time … me?"

"Yeah," Natsu answered with a light shrug. "Whoever wants to that time. We can compromise. It doesn't have to be fifty-fifty. Just whatever we want that particular day."

Awkwardly, Gray stuttered out, "And … and you don't mind if you're the one … um … o-on the bottom?"

"No," Natsu smiled warmly, and he caressed Gray's cheek. "So long as it's you, I don't mind. So if you wanna fantasize about that, go right ahead. Fantasize all you want," he grinned salaciously. Natsu chuckled as he saw Gray gulp hard and smelled the returning arousal. "I wouldn't want it all the time, but once in a while…" He pulled Gray toward him, leaned back, and let ice wizard be slightly above him. "…I'd like to feel you be the one…" Natsu moaned heatedly as his fiery eyes gazed up at Gray in want. "…to fill me up inside."

Gray gulped as Natsu's sexy proposition went straight to his groin. As he gazed down at Natsu's flushed face, he thought about the fantasies he had. Thrusting into Natsu's body, giving him intense pleasure, watching him tremble underneath … but he supposed if it was so good that way, it would feel just as good for him. To have pleasure thrust into him, Natsu's heat filling his body, to grab him and be pleasured that deeply…

He yanked himself out of the fantasy, but he realized Natsu was sniffing the air. Gray was aroused and he knew it. He wondered how he smelled to the Dragon Slayer.

"Gray?" he whispered, pulling him in closer, his eyes hazy.

Gray saw how much Natsu wanted it. He had seen that lustful look in women. Normally, Gray gave in to the heat of the moment. He rarely turned down a girl whose eyes were that impassioned. Part of him wanted to surrender now, but as he felt Natsu's hand slide down his abs, lower and lower, toward the stiffness in his briefs, Gray froze up.

"I—"

The word made Natsu go still.

"I like the idea," he blurted out. "But … I … I'm not ready. I'm just not." He sat up and turned away, hunching over and folding his hands together between the knees.

Natsu sat up normally and straightened out his clothes. "I won't pressure you. Honestly," he chuckled, "I'm not ready to do all that. I want to _eventually_ , but … but I want to take it slow. I want to enjoy the simple things first. Here." He readjusted how he was sitting, trying to look normal, not intimidating nor inviting. "You kiss me. Do anything that feels comfortable."

Gray still hunched over. "I … I don't want to do something you don't like. How much, how little, where is okay—"

"Gray!"

His words cut off, and Gray turned sharply back around. "Wh-what?"

Natsu's eyebrows tweaked as he twisted up a droll smile. "Shut up and kiss me. Is it that hard, ice princess?"

Gray smirked at the challenge in his voice. So, Natsu wanted to see Gray's skills, huh? Then he would show this flame-brain just how good he could kiss!

He leaned in slowly, kissing Natsu with tenderness. His fingers caressed the flushed cheeks, stroking down to his neck, then up the back of the scalp into his hair. As he felt confidence returning, he cupped the back on Natsu's neck and pulled him in closer. His tongue ventured out, tasting, savoring, playing with Natsu's tongue.

He felt hot hands on his chest, fingers careening over his muscles. Those fantasies returned, how much _more_ they could do, and this time he let his brain imagine anything it wanted. Natsu wanted to do it all. Top, bottom, it didn't matter to him! In a surge of desire, he pressed Natsu back against the couch.

Natsu grabbed Gray's shoulders and leaned backward toward the seat cushions, allowing him to dominate the kiss. At the last moment, Gray grabbed a throw pillow to put under Natsu's head. Then he settled in, their limbs taking a moment to twist into something not completely awkward. They pulled back and looked at each other, breathing hard.

"Is this okay?" Gray asked, amazed at how Natsu looked. Handsome? Yes, or at least sexy. Provocative! He wanted this man so much now!

"It's fine," Natsu breathed, feeling light-headed. "I love you, Gray."

Gray smiled because, unlike many girls who said it without truly meaning it, he knew Natsu meant those words with all of his heart. "Love ya, too." He leaned over and kissed Natsu so hard, his head pressed deep into the pillow. "I love you, Natsu," he breathed right against his lips.

As their kissing continued, Natsu stroked up and down Gray's bare back, feeling scars from their battles. He loved how Gray kept playing with his hair. Feeling those caressing hands gave him tingling chills. Natsu let one leg drop down off the couch, and Gray shifted his body up closer. Their arousals ground together, and Natsu let out a low moan.

"You're … not bad," he whispered between kisses.

Gray gave a short laugh, but he was too enraptured with Natsu's mouth. He had never tasted anything quite like this. Cinnamon would never be the same again!

Natsu stroked his hand down to where he felt the briefs, but he went no further than that. Up to the raven hair, down to the cotton underwear, caressing Gray's back as their lips captured all they could and their tongues lazily played. Then he felt Gray's hand stroke down his dropped leg, almost to the knee, and glide back up the inner thigh. It barely missed his arousal before sliding back down the outside of the leg.

"Ah!" Natsu arched slightly at the teasing touch.

"Is this okay?" Gray asked, not stopping his kisses.

"Yes. Like it." Natsu was nearly incoherent.

"You're aroused." Gray gave another slow thrust, sliding their groins together, while his hand stroked up the inner thigh again, getting close, so close, yet not touching that spot.

"Nngh … s-so are you."

"Yeah," Gray laughed softly. "This feels nice."

He gave a tug to the bottom of Natsu's shirt. This signal stopped the kisses. Gray sat up, Natsu rose high enough so he could pull the shirt over his head and set his scarf aside. They sat there for a moment, their eyes focus on each other, desire steaming between fire and ice. Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray's shoulders, kissed him fiercely, and pulled him back down to the couch. Their chests stroked against each other, skin to skin, and their hands explored anywhere they could reach.

Gray began to kiss down Natsu's neck, finding sensitive spots almost everywhere. He knew it would be fun to explore there later. He went further down, nipping and sucking along his collar bone. Natsu arched up with a squelched moan, and Gray lowered further, sliding down his body, feeling that soft stiffness poking at him. He kissed Natsu's chest, licked between the taut pectorals, and looked at the torso.

A man's chest! He had never done anything like this before.

"Do you … um … wanna try … I don't know, maybe…" He knew women loved it, but maybe guys didn't. Taking the chance, he licked over Natsu's nipple and was rewarded with a sensual groan. "Is this good?"

"Yes!" Natsu hissed in pleasure.

Gray carefully licked again as he felt up from Natsu's thighs to his chest, exploring all the contours of his body. He was used to the softness of women, and this was totally different. Once while idly chatting with Lyon, he stated that he would probably not like a masculine woman, imagining someone like Erza, or worse! However, Natsu's body was a work of art, sculpted by years of hard training. He felt the scar on his waist from his near-fatal fight with future-Rogue. He felt marks all over, lines, pocked holes, jagged discoloration that had faded over many years. This body was special, unique, a sign of Natsu's perseverance. That was something Gray could relate to, admire, and respect. It was different from a woman he barely knew, since he could name precisely how Natsu got most of these scars.

He sucked softly on the nipple, and Natsu covered his mouth to hold back a moan.

"Hey, don't do that." Gray pulled his hand away. "If you like it, let me know."

"It's embarrassing!"

"I can stop."

"Hell no!"

Gray smiled to hear that, but when he looked down again at the chest his lips pouted. "This is shitty of me, isn't it?"

Natsu jolted in surprise. "No, it's good! It's seriously good."

"I mean, I pulled away when you wanted to touch me there, yet I'm doing this to you. It's not really fair."

Natsu reached forward with both hands and grabbed Gray's cheeks before he could pull away. "We don't have to be the same with everything. It's fine if you want to do something but you're not ready to have me do it to you. Totally fine! Do you like doing this? Is it comfortable for you?"

"Well, y-yeah. It's a little strange not having boobs to grab, but … but I don't _not_ like it."

"And I love it! So we'll do this."

"But you … I don't—"

"I'll do what is comfortable for you," Natsu told him. "Sheesh, stop making this complicated. It's simple if you don't make it a big pain in the ass. Do you like how I've been touching you so far? Is it too much?"

"Um, n-no. It's good."

"Then I'll do this—" Natsu stroked over Gray's bare back. "—and you lick me like you were doing. I like it. Do you think I'm gonna complain when you make me feel so good? You're an idiot if you think that." He leaned back and stretched himself out invitingly. "So shut up and make me feel _good_."

Gray smirked. Seriously, he was one crazy and wonderful flame-brain. "Why the hell did it take us this long?" He leaned over and planted kisses up and down the center of Natsu's chest.

"Because we're stubborn idiots. Ahhhh!"

Natsu arched as Gray licked his other nipple. He twirled his tongue around, sucked slowly with his lips, and then softly nipped with his teeth, tugging the tit until it stiffened.

"Nngh!"

Gray glanced up. "Too much?"

"No! More!"

Gray leaned over again. Not many girls liked to have their nipples bitten, but in his fantasies dream-Natsu had always liked it. It was nice to know the real Fire Dragon Slayer was into a little roughness as well.

"G-Gray!"

Hearing Natsu whimper his name was almost too much for Gray. His breathing went heavier, and he surged up, kissing Natsu's neck aggressively, sucking along the throbbing vein. He knew Natsu was sensitive there, and he wanted to hear more. Natsu's voice filled the room with a whine that trembled with desire.

Suddenly, two hands pressed on Gray's chest. He sat up and saw the heated lust in the face below him.

"We … we should quit. If we do more…" Natsu was tempted, but he also did not want this to be a flame that burned out too quickly. He wanted Gray to keep wanting him, desiring him, and make that desire build more and more. Granted, it had been Rei-chan who suggested that, but it was what he truly wanted now. Gray was timid about himself, but he seemed pretty confident with a partner. Natsu wanted to make Gray want to be touched as much as he apparently liked to touch someone else. He wanted Gray to desire him.

"R-right," Gray muttered, and he awkwardly sat up.

Natsu pushed himself up and adjusted his clothes. He let out a soft sigh as he felt his erection wither back to normal. He took a quick glance and saw Gray was having a harder time and looked annoyed by the discomfort.

"Hey."

Gray glanced over, and Natsu suddenly kissed him. It was just a peck on the lips, but it chased away his fluster at ending things like that.

Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray's neck and stayed so close, their noses were touching. He smiled straight into Gray's eyes with a green gleam in his irises. "I liked it. We should do it again."

Gray took a moment for that to register. "Y-yeah. Yeah, totally. We'll do that more."

Natsu laughed to himself. For someone who frequently dated, Gray was adorably awkward with all of this. Natsu kissed him on the cheek and pulled back, but his hand stayed wrapped around Gray's chest, stroking his arm in a half-cuddling embrace. "Did you like it?"

"Hell yeah!" exclaimed Gray. "I … I mean—"

"That's good," grinned Natsu. He kissed Gray on the forehead now, and Gray knew that was the sign that their make-out time truly was over.

Natsu leaned in and rested on Gray's shoulder. Once again, he felt those icy fingers playing through his hair, and it made Natsu smile privately. They sat together, only soft touches between them as the passion of the moment simmered back down.

"Did you still want to go on a date?" asked Natsu.

Gray had been so comfortable cuddling like this, he was almost asleep. "Uh, sure. Yeah, we can do that."

"Good." Natsu suddenly sat up and sniffed the air. "Someone is coming. By the perfume, it's Erza. No, two people. Lucy is with her."

Gray was glad Natsu's nose could pick up when people were approaching. One of the worst things was being suddenly interrupted while doing something sexy.

Natsu grabbed his shirt and pulled it back on. Gray found his clothes and dressed again. Both were awkwardly quiet as they waited … and waited. Gray thought maybe the girls were close, but apparently Natsu's senses were so good, he had smelled them from a distance.

"Hey! Let's tell them," Natsu suddenly shouted.

That jolted Gray. "Wh-what? Now?"

"Why wait?" He ran to the door and opened it just as Erza had her fist up to knock. "Hiya! Good news. Gray and I are dating."

"Idiot!" Gray shouted. Sheesh, blurting it out like that!

Erza's eyes widened fractionally. She glanced from Natsu, whose hair was a ruffled mess but he was all smiles, then over to Gray, with flushed cheeks and tugging at his shirt in a nervous habit.

"That's good," she replied. "Natsu, you are needed for an emergency mission."

Natsu looked disappointed. " _That's good_? That's all you have to say about it?"

"You already admitted to me that you were in love with him. It was inevitable that either you would get over him, or you two would begin dating." She sounded perfectly content with the results. "Anyway—"

"Anyway?" Natsu bellowed in outrage.

"It's a special request from Mest, all Dragon Slayers will go with him."

Natsu folded his arms. "What's up with that?"

"No clue. He was being secretive as usual. You leave tonight."

"No way! Gray and I were about to go on our first date."

Gray walked up and put a hand on Natsu's shoulder. "That can wait. The job comes first."

Natsu twirled back around to him. "No, _you_ come first in my life!"

Gray blushed, and to the side so did Erza and Lucy.

"I'll make it up to you when you get home," Gray promised. "Lives could be in danger. I'll still be here when you come back."

Natsu grabbed Gray's cheeks. "Promise me!"

Gray felt awkward having this conversation in front of their teammates. "Y-yeah, I promise. I'll wait for you, and we'll have a nice date when you come back."

Natsu nodded. He wanted to kiss Gray again, but he had specifically said not to kiss him in public. Although they were technically on Natsu's doorway, this was still in front of their friends, so he held himself back.

Lucy had to chuckle at how adorable the two looked together. "You should go to the guild and announce it. I bet you'll shock most of them."

"Yes!" Natsu cheered. He grabbed Gray's wrist and yanked him forward. "Come on! Let's go!"

"W-wait!" Gray yelled, stumbling after him. "Sheesh, you idiot!"

As they raced down the forest path, Erza shouted, "Remember, the mission is tonight. Mest will be here in an hour."

Natsu raised his hand in the air. "Got it!" he shouted back, not stopping.

Lucy spoke quietly to Erza. "Do you think they'll really surprise the guild? I kind of want to see that."

"To be honest, I'm a little worried," Erza said quietly. "I don't think anyone would really disapprove, but there are certain people in the guild who would definitely use this as an excuse to tease Natsu."

"Do you mean calling him names? Sheesh, I hope not," Lucy frowned.

"We should follow them."

"Oh? You want to see how people react, too?"

"Partly. Mostly, Mira has a betting pool going and I need to collect my Jewels." Erza smiled with just a little smugness. "I won the bet!"

**Next Chapter: "Out of the Closet"**

** **

[ **fan art by fairytailyaoilover** ](http://fairytailyaoilover.tumblr.com/post/124415461468/inspired-by-rhov-senseis-latest-chapter-of-land)


	36. Out of the Closet

_"Burst down those closet doors once and for all, and stand up and start to fight."_  
_― Harvey Milk_

 

* * *

There was already a stir in the guild that morning. Mest arrived with one of the oddest requests yet: all Dragon Slayers had to travel with him, and he could not explain why. Gajeel, Laxus, and Wendy were personally glad that they would be traveling with Mest and _not_ transportation, but it was still odd. Why only Dragon Slayers, and why all four of them?

Little did anyone know, their day was about to get even weirder.

The doors blasted open with a signature heat that they all knew.

"Salamander finally made it," Gajeel grumbled without looking up.

Natsu ran in and looked around, glad to see the guild almost packed. He had dragged Gray in by the wrist, and they both looked winded. Gray's legs were still not at full strength, and Natsu's heart pounded harder than it normally did for a jog to the guild. The sprint into town had pushed both of them to their physical limit.

Wendy smiled up at him. "Natsu-san, have you heard about the mission?"

"Yeah, yeah," he said distractedly. "Before that … hey, everyone!"

Gray glared at him. "You're not going to blurt it out, are you?"

Natsu looked back at him. "What did you have planned?"

Gray froze, stumped. He had nothing at all planned. He figured they would eventually tell their friends and let rumors take care of the rest. A grand announcement like this was over the top. Of course, that was Natsu's style with anything in life.

"So then, I get to pick how we do it," Natsu decided.

Gray blurted out. "We should wait for Erza to get here."

"She knows."

"Still…"

Natsu turned back to the watching guild members. "Everyone! Gray's my mate, so hands off."

You could have heard a cricket in the silence that followed. Everyone stared in mute shock. Gray covered his eyes in embarrassment, but Natsu grinned as if satisfied with shocking them all. This was more like it! Erza's reaction had been way too boring, and he wanted an uproar.

Just then, Lucy and Erza finally arrived.

Lucy pouted at the blank looks all around. "Looks like we missed the big announcement."

Mira suddenly clasped her hands in a loud clap, snapping everyone out of the moment. "Congratulations, Natsu and Gray. May you have happiness."

"Is this a prank?" Max asked warily.

"Nope," Cana said, going back to drinking beer. "Betting on when they'd hook up has been going on for weeks. I really thought they were fucking ages ago."

Wendy looked dizzy. "M-m-m-m-m-mate? Gr-Gr-Gray-san … a-and Natsu-san … m-m-mate?"

Gajeel scoffed. "This is a sick joke."

Natsu's flames leaped. "Your face is a sick joke."

Levy began to quietly edge away from Gajeel, but he noticed it right away. "Where are you going, shrimp? You're not gonna congratulate that idiot, are you?"

"W-well, maybe," she admitted, "but actually, I need to check with Mira because I can't remember what day I bet on."

"Bet?" he shouted. "No one told me there were bets for when that pink-headed idiot would finally admit he's a faggot."

Natsu heard him over the noise of the guild now talking all at once. He glanced over to Gray, who was surrounded by people and bashfully admitting a few things to Freed and Bickslow. He hoped Gray had not heard Gajeel. He figured this was just going to be part of his rivalry with the Iron Dragon Slayer. He would handle it. He did not want Gray, who was already unsure about things, to hear anything negative even in jest.

Luckily, they were soon mobbed by people who kept asking questions, some innocent like who asked out whom, if they had kissed, and how they fell in love. Others asked questions that made the two blush.

"W-w-we're not doing … _that_ yet!"

Cana chuckled slyly. "Oh come on, Gray." She nudged him with an elbow. "You didn't really switch sides without knowing your position in the game, did you?"

He stiffened up. "I didn't _switch sides_."

Cana draped over his shoulder. "Are you bi like me? Little tit, little cock, it's _all_ good."

Gray flinched back, but Natsu suddenly surged in.

"That's right," he answered with a sly smile. "We both swing both ways, and I mean that for _both_ issues."

Cana winked. "Oh-ho! Switchin' and bitchin', nice."

While they kept getting questioned, some members—Juvia included—stood off and did not look like they approved. Whatever their reasons, from jealousy to indignation, they stood off but still did not say anything aloud.

Juvia watched Gray, and she wondered silently, why not her? Just a few weeks ago, she heard Gray tell Natsu that he was not in love with her. Had he been in love with Natsu the whole time, or was this new? Was he even in love now, or was Natsu okay without that emotion? What was it about Natsu that put him above her?

She wanted to be happy for him, but the tears still gathered in her eyes. She decided it was best to leave the guild hall and let Gray be happy with his boyfriend. She needed time to learn to accept this.

After the initial outburst, Gray and Natsu managed to slip away. Once again, Gray was pulled along by the hand, but this time he did not really mind. He had briefly caught a glimpse of Juvia's sad face, and he was not ready to confront her just yet.

Natsu turned into a side closet. There was a stack of extra chairs ready to replace any that got broken in fights, and a shelf of linens as well as extra toilet paper for the restrooms.

"I'll have to leave for the mission soon," Natsu said quietly as their eyes adjusted to the low light. "I want to kiss you goodbye in private."

Gray smiled at his excuse. "You just wanna make out in the storage room, pervert."

Natsu chuckled softly. "I was thinking I'd just kiss you sweetly, but if that's the way your mind works, you're the one who's a pervert."

Gray stepped up closer to Natsu. "And if I am? What are you gonna do about it?"

Natsu suddenly grabbed Gray and slammed him up against the wall. With a devious gleam in his eyes, he snarled, "I'll have to punish you."

"Hah! I'd like to see you try, brat."

Natsu's lips twisted up into a smirk. "Are you seriously challenging me, ice princess?"

Gray leaned in close to his face and taunted, "Try it, flame-brain."

Who attacked first, even they were not sure. They collided together, opposite elements bashing and brawling. They fought to hold the other one tighter, to feel more, to get past clothes and grab onto bare skin. Gray's shirt went flying, and Natsu's vest was ripped open. Hot and cold touches wrestled, grabbing, groping, claiming. Their tongues battled, Gray's thrusting into Natsu's mouth, then Natsu thrusting his tongue back at Gray.

"I wanna mark you as mine," Natsu growled, using his nails to claw down Gray's spine.

The ice wizard moaned at the scratches. "Not … not visible."

"Then what's the point? I want them to see I'm yours."

"Sheesh, they already know."

"Then I want _you_ to know you belong to me. When you wake up, you'll see it. It'll remind you."

"Like I need to be reminded," Gray scoffed.

Natsu looked up with sad, puppy eyes. Just one look, and Gray knew he was defeated … damn cute flame-brain!

"Oh hell, go ahead. Just not my chest or neck. You know I have an issue with keeping a shirt on."

Natsu suddenly dropped to his knees. Gray panicked as the memory of lewd fantasies returned to him.

"Wait, what…?"

Natsu lightly tugged Gray's boxers down his hip.

"Natsu!" he cried out in shock.

However, he did not lower them far. His sharp teeth sank into the hip bone, and Gray bellowed at the pain. Natsu really bit hard, and when he came back up, a nasty bruise was already forming.

"Like that," Natsu smiled, proud of his work. "You're mine now, bitten and marked!"

"Bastard! That fucking hurt."

Natsu gazed up with a devious gleam. "Good!" he practically purred. Then he leaned over and kissed the bruise.

However, he did not stand back up. The smell here was intense, intoxicating, and Natsu felt warm and sleepy and aroused all at the same time. He inhaled, and his stomach fluttered at the scent. Slowly, he began to lean forward.

Gray felt something rub his cock, and he looked down to see Natsu with his nose pressed against him. His heart jolted and raced.

"Natsu," he whispered, not sure if he wanted to tell him no or just let this happen.

"I won't do anything," Natsu said softly. "Just wanna smell." His nose pressed up closer, and he inhaled from balls to tip.

The stroking of Natsu's nose, so faint and so maddening, left Gray desperate for more despite his reservations. He gasped and began to pant, imagining so much more, fantasizing about touches and kisses and licking and swallowing.

"Shit," he hissed, ready to tell Natsu to go for it, do everything, pleasure him, devour him, anything but these soft, teasing touches.

"Gray," Natsu whispered. He looked up, and the lust burned in his gaze.

Never in his life had Gray ever consciously wanted to take off his underwear so badly as right then.

Natsu's hands began to rub up Gray's thighs, closer and closer. He nestled his nose down again right where the legs split, and Gray could hear the deep sniff as well as a dark groan of desire. Natsu looked up again, eyes simmering, breathing slow and heavily, a predator eager to hunt. He leaned forward slowly, watching Gray, waiting to hear him say no, but Gray just stared down in amazement. Still keeping his eyes up, Natsu planted a kiss on the tip of the tented boxers.

Suddenly they heard: "Natsu! Gray! Where the hell are you?"

They both panicked at Erza's yelling. Natsu scrambled back and knocked over a shelf. An extra chair fell off a stand and knocked Natsu in the back, slamming him forward. He did not have time to move, and instead he fell straight over, right against Gray's crotch. The sudden hit of Natsu's chin right into his groin made Gray's world spark in pain. He groaned loudly, feeling sick from the agony radiating from his injured genitals.

Right at that moment, Erza opened the closet door and saw the scene: Gray mostly naked with Natsu on his knees and his face smashed against Gray's crotch. Instantly, the door slammed shut again.

"S-sorry for disturbing you two," she stammered.

"Dammit," Gray sneered. Just perfect! Could it get any more cliché than two gay men in a fucking closet? "Why didn't you smell her coming like earlier?" he hissed to Natsu.

"I couldn't smell anything but your crotch," Natsu admitted.

"Sheesh!" Gray groaned. How could he say something like that with such a straight face?

They scrambled away, and Gray rubbed out the pain, his erection now thoroughly withered. Natsu got back up to his feet, feeling guilty for hurting Gray so horribly, but not sure what he could do. He certainly could not help by rubbing it out or kissing it better. Instead, Gray silently pulled his clothes back on and Natsu buttoned up his vest.

They finally opened the door and saw that Erza was not alone. Mest, Wendy, Gajeel, and Laxus all looked ready for that special mission. By the arched eyebrow from Laxus, the lip-curl of annoyance from Gajeel, the pink on Wendy's face, and Mest protectively covering her innocent eyes, it was obvious they had all seen at least a little.

"Finally coming out of the closet, Salamander?" Gajeel joshed.

"Oh har-har," Natsu mocked. "Stick to your singing because you suck at jokes."

"Looks like you're the one who likes to suck," Gajeel shot back. "Sniffing crotches like a dog. I didn't realize you were Gray's bitch."

Flames ignited on Natsu's fists. "Wanna see who's a bitch?"

"Knock it off," Mest shouted. "This mission is time sensitive. We must hurry, which is why I'm coming with you."

"What is it, anyway?" asked Natsu, still scowling at Gajeel.

"It's classified. I can tell you when we get there."

Natsu silently looked back to Gray, who nodded without a word that he should go.

Gajeel scoffed in annoyance. "Oh fuck, just kiss him goodbye and bone him later. Let's go already."

In a blip, the four Dragon Slayers vanished with Mest. Erza and Gray were left behind in awkward silence. He could not face her, not after what she must have seen.

She looked at him sternly, silently demanding answers. Gray shoved his hands deep into his pockets. If she was not going to speak, neither would he. Gray turned and marched away in silence and sexual frustration.

**Next Chapter: "Wounding Words"**


	37. Wounding Words

_"The wounding words we say are like feathers released in a harsh wind; once said, we will never get them back."_   
_― Jason Versey_

 

* * *

Erza slowly climbed the hill behind Fairy Tail where wizards often practiced their magic away from normal townsfolk. She rubbed her arms as she felt a chill despite the clear summer day and saw ice on the ground. The designs of sculpted ice scattered around were breathtaking. An ice hammer was not just some blocky head and straight handle. There was grace to it, design to the handle for ergonomic grip, carvings in the hammerhead, and just by looking at it Erza could see it had balanced weight.

An ice sword left behind was so beautiful, she had to pick it up and admire the craftsmanship. She knew Gray had some skill in sword fighting, and while it might not be his weapon of choice, he was good at it. She had trained with him as a child so he could get better.

Then she saw a glittering clear archery bow of intricate design, a shoulder cannon, an ax, and a massive ice shuriken. Something many people never realized was that Gray was not merely an ice user. He was a weapons specialist. Erza specialized on the sword, but Gray could fight with just about any weapon he could imagine. As soon as he read about a new type of weapon, he practiced until he could fight proficiently with it.

Finally, she came across an area utterly encased by ice. Gray was in the middle of the frozen landscape, panting hard from his workout. Half of his body was black, and his hair stood on end. He had a dark gleam in his eyes, and Erza sensed this demon slaying magic.

"You're getting better," she noted.

Gray turned sharply to her, but he relaxed as he saw the red hair. "After that defeat last year, I've spent even more focus on Demon Slayer techniques. I'm still hesitant on using it unless I know my enemy is truly strong."

"Not going overboard is a skill few in this guild try to master."

He scoffed out a laugh. "Like you're one to talk. Besides, that's how I lost. I hesitated. I held back." Gray looked down at his stomach. "I can still feel it sometimes. I have nightmares of that day and wake up thinking _This is it, I'm dying_. Just like then," he whispered solemnly. "I really did think I was a dead man. I knew in my heart, there was no way I could survive at attack that bad." His brow tightened. "The team hasn't done a major mission since then."

"You're still healing."

"I'm better," he insisted. "I can't run as fast as I used to, but I can do other things. Besides, if I train my defensive and long-distance magic hard enough, I won't have to dodge."

She looked around at the glittering frozen field. "Encasing everything in front of you in ice. You called this magic Silver."

He nodded, looking down at his blackened hand. "My father's magic. If his spirit can protect me, then I will train harder to perfect it and surpass him. I won't be caught off guard again. Even if I go overboard, I won't put my friends through something like that." Gray fisted his hand in determination, and slowly the blackness ebbed away. He looked up at her. "Natsu told me."

Erza jolted, truly surprised by those words. "He told you?" Cautiously, she asked to clarify, "Told you what?"

"He donated blood to keep me alive."

The answer stunned her. Erza thought Natsu had told him about the machine that nearly killed him so Gray could walk. "He told you about that, huh?"

"Yeah. Pisses me off a bit. He'd go that far. How far would I go?" Gray chuckled to himself. "At least he didn't do anything stupid, like donate an organ or chop off his own leg."

Erza had just been thinking of telling Gray about Natsu's sacrifice, but that stopped her. "What if he had?" she asked, watching closely to judge his reaction.

"He'd be a damn idiot," Gray instantly said. "I'm not worth it."

"To him, you are."

Gray's head dropped, his brow tensed, and he looked down at the leg that had been paralyzed for so long. "That's what gets me. We weren't dating, we weren't in love, nothing like that. Why would he go that far? He said he also cauterized my wounds, and he jump-started my heart at one point as well. That means he used Laxus' lightning." Gray shook his head. "That idiot is going to go too far one day."

Erza lightly bit her lip. Natsu already went too far! She wanted to tell Gray, but she realized it was not her place. Natsu needed to be the one to tell him.

"Gray," she said softly, choosing her words with care. "Natsu's that way. He'll do anything to save a friend. He goes too far. He endangers himself without a single thought. We're all that way in Fairy Tail. We don't leave behind friends. We rescue them, even if that means we're the ones who get hurt. We don't necessarily need to be in love to do this. We're nakama, and especially for Natsu, that's all the reason he needs."

"I still feel like I owe him," Gray muttered.

"Then pay him back in your own way. Be loyal to him. He loves you more than you even know," she said with a bittersweet smile, thinking about how far Natsu went just to make Gray happy, and how he hid the truth about that action for Gray's sake.

Gray waved his hand and formed an ice chair to sit on. His leg still hurt sometimes after training. He collapsed his head down into his hands and ran his fingers through his hair.

"How could he love me?" he muttered. "What in the world did I do to make him feel that way?"

"Do you love him?" asked Erza. By the blushing smile, she knew his answer. "How did you fall in love with him?"

"Hell if I know," he grumbled. "It just happened. When I stop and think about it, it makes no sense. We're rivals, we're teammates, we're … both guys," he said softly with a troubled look.

"Does that bother you?"

"Sometimes," he admitted. "This just started, and I don't know yet about it. About him. Or me. Or anything. I just … don't know. I like him, but I don't like other men. And I … well." He dropped his voice, feeling guilty. "I just don't find Natsu attractive. I don't find _any_ men attractive, and I've even looked around. I don't think I'm bisexual, just … Natsu is an exception to the rule."

"But you do love him, right?"

Gray cringed down bashfully. "Y-yeah, I do, but with girls, I really like staring at them, admiring how they look. It's not that way with him. I admire other things about him, but … I just don't know," he said in quiet frustration. "It's not a _physical_ attraction. I'm not saying that's bad!" he protested quickly, realizing he sounded rather shallow. "It's just weird for me. It's not what I'm used to. I'm trying to go slow so I can figure this out."

Erza sighed and looked to the side so he could hide the blush on his cheeks. "You're taking your time then. I wasn't sure."

He choked up, realizing what she meant, and stuttered out an excuse. "That … in the closet, that was an accident. We weren't … I mean, we were kissing, but … what it _looked_ like … w-we weren't doing _that_." He blushed as he realized that, for a moment, he had _wanted_ to. He wanted to go slow with Natsu as he still fought with his uncertainties, but part of him craved the Dragon Slayer.

"I see. That's good. Also, you can have love without physical attraction."

A smile flickered on Gray's lips. "I know. It's just odd to me. It's not like anything I've experienced, and it's awkward. I want this, though. I want it to work out."

Erza smiled amiably. "I hope it does."

He smiled to hear her approval. It meant so much to him, having the support of one of his oldest, dearest friends. "Do you know when they'll be back?" he asked eagerly.

"I know nothing at all about this, except that it was a request from the king himself."

Gray's eyes widened. "From the king? That's unexpected."

"Rare, but not unheard of. Now, how about we train together? I would like to see how far you've gotten."

Gray had a wide grin. He missed simple things like training with friends. Erza held out her hand, and a sword materialized into her palm.

"Sword techniques?" he asked. "You have quite an advantage in that."

"It's good that you're focusing on long-distance fighting, but sometimes you need to face your enemy in close quarters. Let's see if you've gotten rusty on your parries."

With a gleam in his eyes, Gray clasped together both hands. "Ice-Make: Cold Excalibur." A massive broadsword formed in his hands, and frost swirled around him.

"Oh?" Erza smirked. "Not a normal sword, but that one? You really aren't taking chances with going easy on an opponent."

Gray chuckled softly. "Against your swords, I'm not even confident if Cold Excalibur would be enough."

"I know your style, Gray. You'll throw in some tricks."

"Nobody ever said Fairy Tail wizards fight fair."

She readied her grip. "Then don't expect too much mercy. _En guard!_ "

* * *

It was nearly sunset when Erza and Gray returned to the guild together, laughing at the injuries they both had.

"You really impressed me, Gray," she admitted. "You read your opponent's movements well."

"You almost fell for my ice cage."

"I did fall for your iced floor. That hurt my tail bone quite a bit."

"Could've fooled me! Your recovery was almost instantaneous."

"It had to be with your repost."

Mira smiled at both of them. "Training?"

"Cake," Erza declared. "Also, Gray deserves a treat on my tab."

"Hey, I didn't actually win," he pointed out.

"Neither did I. It was a draw, and that earns you a dessert, but not a dinner."

He laughed at how they compromised. To even come to a draw with Erza was far better than he used to be. Mira handed over a chocolate shake, and Gray eagerly drank it down to ease the sweatiness of hard training. He glanced around the guild. It was a bit quiet without Natsu shouting challenges at everyone or Gajeel attempting to sing. He never thought he would actually _miss_ Natsu, but now he felt lonely without the flame-brain around. He slurped down his shake and watched Cana telling Lisanna her fortune in tarot cards.

Suddenly with a blip, the Dragon Slayers returned with Mest. The scar-faced man collapsed into a chair in exhaustion. Without a word, Natsu instantly stormed off. Gray watched him stomp to the hall with the restrooms.

"Yeah, go powder your nose, dragon princess," Gajeel teased him. "You better check your dick, make sure you still have one." He laughed as Natsu threw back a middle finger without even turning around.

Gray watched Natsu leave, then turned scathingly to Gajeel. "What the hell, man?"

"Ah, I'm just teasing him," Gajeel laughed flippantly. "That idiot is too sensitive, that's all."

Wendy walked away from the group with a sour look on her face. She went over to Erza and Gray and quietly admitted, "Gajeel and Natsu were fighting the whole time. Gajeel kept goading him on, but Natsu … he tried really hard to hold back. You could tell, he was restraining himself. Still, he's pretty upset about some of the things Gajeel said to him." Her eyes turned up to Gray. "You should probably go talk to him."

"Yeah," he frowned. "Hey, what sort of things was Gajeel saying?"

"I didn't really get it. He kept calling Natsu a pansy and a fairy and something about … _from one stripper to another_ maybe? I didn't hear everything they said since we were busy."

"Damn," Gray whispered. He had a bad feeling from the start that Gajeel might use their relationship to harass Natsu, but it seemed like he was going a little too far.

Gray found Natsu in the restroom, the mirror above the sink smashed, and his fist bleeding. He did not look up at first, already smelling who was there.

"Don't worry about it, Gray," he said, facing away from the door as blood dripped from his knuckles. "I just needed to vent or else I would have punched Gajeel, and I couldn't do that while we were there. That asshole deserves it, though."

Gray walked up to him and hugged Natsu from behind. "Whatever he said, he was just trying to get at you. I'm still here, Natsu. I waited for you."

Those soft words made the tension ease out of Natsu's muscles. He finally looked around his shoulder and saw Gray smiling at him.

"I'm glad you're here," he admitted softly.

Gray gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Let's get a bandage for your hand. You're dripping blood."

He pulled Natsu along to the infirmary. Gray tended to everything, from washing the blood away, pulling out a sliver of mirror glass, putting on medication, and wrapping Natsu's hand in gauze and tape. Natsu just stood there silently and watched with gentle eyes as Gray took care of him.

As he put the final pieces of tape over the bandage, Gray asked, "So what was the mission about?"

"It wasn't even a lousy mission," Natsu grumbled. "The king wanted to have a party with just the Dragon Slayers. He wanted it to be a big surprise, a way to thank us or something. Since it was an order from the king himself, the whole thing was treated as top secret. I missed out on a date with you just so the king could have some stupid party."

Gray had to laugh. Most people would be deeply honored if the king personally hosted a party just for them. Only Natsu would find the whole thing annoying since fighting was not involved.

"I took some party favors home for you, though." Natsu pulled around the bag on his shoulder. "There's some cake … oh, it got smashed a little, but it's in a box so it's edible. There's this," he said, holding up some sort of paper origami dragon. "Princess Hisui made these for all of us. Gold paper, too. Oh, and this." He pulled out a golden stick encrusted with jewels.

Gray's mouth dropped. "What the hell, Natsu? Is that…?" His voice dropped as he saw the Fiore family crest. "Oh shit, that's the royal scepter!"

Natsu blinked in confusion. "Huh? What's a scepter? It's a fancy stick I found in one of the costume rooms. I thought you might like it."

"You stole the royal scepter!" Gray cried out. "First the crown, now the scepter."

Natsu pouted and muttered, "Uh, I really don't know what a scepter is, but if you don't like it, you can pawn it or whatever."

"Idiot! You have no idea what you even did." Gray rubbed out his head, but he began to laugh at just how crazy it was. "Seriously, I have the densest boyfriend in the world. You're insane," he chuckled, smiling at Natsu while shaking his head.

"So, does that mean you like the stick?" Natsu held it out again.

Gray took the heavy royal emblem, made of pure gold with massive rubies and pearls and the biggest sapphire he had ever seen sitting on top. "You'll get arrested if they find out you stole this."

"Oh," he muttered. "That bad, huh?"

"Yeah, that bad." He handed the scepter back over to Natsu. "You need to give it back or hide it wherever you hid the king's crown."

"I wanna wear the crown some day," Natsu insisted with a pout. "So, this stick matches the crown, huh? Royalty have weird accessories. Ah, but I also got this." He pulled out a vial. "I told Hisui that I asked you out."

"You told the _princess_?" Gray gawked.

"I wanna tell everyone," Natsu said with casual honesty. "Anyway, this is supposedly some special formula the princess uses when she wants to play in the snow but it's too hot. She said it's like winter in a glass. It only works in a hundred meters circumference from wherever you open the vial, but the contents last up to fifty hours and can be capped and reopened whenever you want a winter scene. That means you can use it again and again, and opening it just once makes enough snow to not melt for hours. So, that's her gift so we can have a romantic winter setting without you using up your magic."

"That's actually really sweet," Gray admitted, taking the vial. "So, I guess you had a fun time still."

"Well, it wasn't _bad_ ," he shrugged. "I just really wanted you to be there, or Happy, or someone besides that metal-head idiot and those Sabertooth guys. Even Cobra was there."

"But he's wanted!"

"Yeah, and he tried to escape because he thought Mest was turning him in, but the king gave him a temporary pardon due to the party. What a fickle king! So, all seven of us were in one room. Royalty are crazy!"

Gray had to agree with that. "How does the hand feel?"

Natsu flexed his bandaged fingers. "Better. Sorry about breaking that mirror. I had to bottle it in since we were in the palace. I just had to punch something, and punching Gajeel as soon as we returned home would be a really crappy thing. Besides, he's just trying to push my limits. I won't let him win that easily."

"I could deal with him," Gray offered with a sly expression.

Natsu chuckled but shook his head. "I want you to stay out of this. It's between me and him."

"I get it," Gray said in understanding. "I know how rivalries are."

Natsu had a twinkle in his eyes and he looked up at Gray. "Yeah, rivalries get personal."

Gray stepped in front of Natsu, seated on the infirmary bed, and gazed down dominantly at him. "You better not _get personal_ with Gajeel."

"Oh, hell no!" he grimaced. Then Natsu grabbed around Gray's legs and pulled him in even closer. "You're the only rival worthy enough for _that_."

"I better be." Gray leaned over, and Natsu raised his face, waiting for those chilly lips. "I've been your rival the longest."

"My first rival," Natsu moaned, feeling the coldness getting closer.

Gray's mouth hovered against him. "Welcome home, Natsu."

Their lips pressed together. Natsu hummed at the softness of Gray's mouth and the smell of his body. His hands wrapped around. Like this, with him sitting and Gray standing over him, his fingers naturally rested on Gray's butt. He grabbed that ass possessively and pulled Gray up to him. Then he felt Gray's fingers stroking through his hair. Natsu seriously loved that feeling, those cold hands, the slight pull of hair strands, and the gentleness of the act, being petted and caressed so tenderly. When the icy fingers drifted down his neck and under the scarf, Natsu could not help but shiver.

"Missed you," Gray mumbled into his mouth.

"Mmh, missed you more," Natsu replied, and his tongue ventured out.

Gray finally sat so he was not bent over. Natsu's arms went around him, and Gray grabbed him closer. They kissed with wild desire for a few seconds before easing back, soft kisses, gentle caresses, tongues slowly twirling, and their hearts raced as the heat between them increased.

"Mmh … we shouldn't make out here," Gray muttered between kisses.

Natsu gave him one more peck before pulling back. "Your place?"

What an incorrigible boyfriend! "I was thinking we could go on a date."

That made Natsu grin broadly. "Yeah, let's go! Movies!"

Gray took his hand, and together they walked out. He loved the roughness of Natsu's hand, the burning touch, how comfortable it was to hold, and he could squeeze his fingers without worrying about hurting him, unlike the girls he had dated. He could be as rough or as gentle as he wanted with Natsu, and it did not matter at all.

When they turned into the main hall, it seemed like people knew now what the mission was about. Gajeel was talking loudly about how disappointed he was not to fight, although Wendy seemed to have enjoyed herself immensely, showing off the origami dragon to Carla and Happy.

Happy glanced up as Natsu entered. "There you are! Did you get a little paper dragon too, Natsu?"

"Yep, I did. Wanna see? I already showed Gray."

Gajeel shouted over teasingly, "Hah! I bet you were really eager to show Gray your _little dragon_."

Natsu narrowed his eyes and tightened his fists. Gray put a hand on his shoulder to hold him back.

"Don't worry about it," he whispered to Natsu. "It's a dumb joke anyway."

"You two are the dumb joke around here," Gajeel taunted. "I mean, Natsu would probably fuck anything that offered, but I figured you'd be better than that, Gray."

Natsu stomped one step forward and shouted, "You leave Gray out of this!"

Gajeel ignored him. "I figured if a guy was gonna turn gay, he'd pick someone better than an annoying twerp who barely knows what his dick is for. Natsu's not even serious about this."

" _What?_ " Natsu shrieked.

"I can tell. You're just dragging Gray down for some sick amusement. Unless he's the one who turned you into a homo. Hah! Maybe that's it. Did he turn you gay, Natsu? So desperate for a fuck, you'd even take a male stripper, and Gray's probably so sexually repressed after Juvia left him, you'd take any hole offered to you. Just a couple of desperate twinks."

Gray leaped forward in fury and punched Gajeel across the face. The Iron Dragon Slayer was knocked to the side, but he recovered quickly.

"Is that all you got? Don't tell me it's true that being gay makes you weaker," he chuckled, rubbing his jaw.

Gray's eyes narrowed spitefully. "Fuck … you," he sneered. Then Gray turned and stormed out of the guild hall.

"Heh!" Gajeel laughed, yet he still had to rub his jaw a little more. "Idiot punches like a girl."

Levy put her hands on her hips. "Gajeel that was … that's … ohh!" she huffed, stomping her foot and too angry to articulate. She leaned up into his face again and whispered, "You're not _getting any_ for a month!"

"What?" he bellowed. "I was just teasing him."

"You were being homophobic and rude."

"I ain't homophobic. I just like teasing that runty Salamander. Sheesh, don't get your panties in a twist over some jokes."

Natsu approached, head down, simmering. "Gajeel?"

"What, pansy?"

Natsu's fist slammed into Gajeel as well, sending him flying across the room and through the stone wall. Natsu stood there, flames dancing around him, eyes ablaze with fury, and he sneered in quiet rage.

"You can tease me all you want," and suddenly he screamed, "but don't _ever_ fuck with my boyfriend again." Then he took off after Gray.

Gajeel wiped blood aside from his mouth as he watched Natsu storm away. "Shit," he whispered. "That guy is actually serious about this. I thought he was just fucking around since I haven't smelled it yet."

"Smell?" asked Erza.

"They're not mating. Natsu said Gray is his mate, but they don't smell like each other yet. If they're not mating, Natsu has no right to call Gray his mate. Mates are special to Dragon Slayers. You don't dick around and call just anyone your mate. Using that term so lightly really pissed me off, so I was trying to make him realize he can't use the word _mate_ so lightly."

Erza folded her arms. "Do you really think a person can't be serious about a relationship unless sex is involved? Did you and Levy make love the same day you asked her out?"

"Actually, I asked her out after I…"

"Solid Script: Gag!" Levy shrieked, swishing her pen in the air. The word GAG flew at Gajeel and slapped around his mouth, muting him instantly. "Seriously, you're working yourself into more and more trouble, you big-mouthed idiot."

Gajeel tried to talk through the gag, getting only mumbles out.

Happy translated: "He says, he never meant to be homophobic, he apologizes, and he'll tell Natsu sorry as well. He'll respect Gray as his mate, but only if they're both serious. However, he doesn't understand why Levy is so angry when she was the one who came at him in that see-through nightie and rode on top like a—"

"Gah! Gag!" Levy screamed, scribbling her pen again, and the same but smaller _gag_ word slapped over Happy's mouth. Gajeel chuckled slyly, amused to see her blushing. "Gajeel!"

He pointed to her, then possessively thumbed to his chest. She was his mate, and he took that seriously. He loved tormenting her just a little bit, enough to make her react in adorable ways, but he was still serious about her being his special mate. Levy sighed, knowing his slightly sadistic personality, which she did not mind at all. He made her heart race, humiliated her at times, but whenever he did, he made up for it. For everything he had done today, she could hardly wait to see how he would spoil her as a way to ask for forgiveness.

Erza walked up to Gajeel and helped him to stand. "You better truly apologize."

"Hmm-nhm, hmm-hwu." _I know, I will._

"You better," she emphasized. "And for your sake, I hope Gray and Natsu can work through this." She looked out at the door left ajar after Natsu ran off. "Those two have enough problems without teasing."

Gajeel tried to shout, "Hm hurg hm hurrweh!" _I said I'm sorry._

"Just watch how you tease Natsu. I know that you are rivals," Erza said with understanding, having dealt with Gray and Natsu's rivalry for years, "but you should not tease him about Gray. What would you do if Natsu began to make fun of Levy?"

Gajeel's eyes practically glowed in outrage. "Hmd gehl hrud gurherd!" _I'd kill that bastard._

"Which is why you need to acknowledge that Gray really is Natsu's mate, even if they are not sleeping together."

Gajeel folded his arms and looked away with GAG still across his mouth. "Hyn!" _Fine!_

"Thank you, Gajeel."

Wendy blinked in astonishment. "How did you know all that he said?"

Erza walked back to the bar counter and to her cake. "I've had to gag Natsu and Gray so many times, I'm practically fluent in gagged speaking."

Carla looked a little uncertain. "That's … slightly disturbing to think about."

"Aye," Happy had to admit.

"Hye," Gajeel muttered in agreement.

**Next Chapter: "Strength and Courage"**


	38. Strength and Courage

_"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."_  
_― Lao Tzu_

 

* * *

Natsu slowed down his running and rubbed out his chest. This lingering ache was annoying. He hoped it would all heal eventually, but the doctors warned him that 'these things take time.'

At least he found what he wanted. Gray was sitting by one of the canals, a remote area of Magnolia with no people walking around, just a slope to the water and a bridge crossing the stream. Gray's eyes stared off contemplatively, a cold and narrow look with pinched eyebrows.

"Can I join you?"

Gray jumped at the question and turned around to see Natsu coming down the slope. He looked away, but his heart was already pounding. It always did around Natsu these days.

"About earlier, Gajeel's just being an ass," Natsu said quietly. "He's taking it too far this time, but we all do that at some point, right? I mean, look how far Laxus went. People got seriously hurt. And Jellal, maybe he was being manipulated, but he took things way the hell too far and people died. And you almost took it too far on Galuna, ready to sacrifice yourself. And maybe I take things too far from time to time as well."

That made Gray scoff out a laugh. Maybe? From time to time? Seriously, Natsu had no concept of his own destructiveness.

"Look, I'll kick his ass later," Natsu promised. "Will that make it better?" He wanted Gray to smile again, that was all. Beating up Gajeel was just a bonus.

"There will be others," Gray murmured. "Others to tease us."

"I'll kick their asses, too," Natsu declared.

Gray shook his head slowly, looking out at the water swirling around stones in the river. "Maybe this just wasn't meant to—"

"Don't!" Natsu shouted over him. "Don't you dare say it!"

Gray lifted his head and gazed at the stubborn face. "We'll just keep getting teased."

"So? Did you care about the assholes who made jokes about you and Juvia?" argued Natsu. "Up until now, did you ever once care about what people said about you dating anyone? I don't care!" he exclaimed. "Just because it's you and me, that shouldn't matter. People will always say negative things about who someone dates. You harassed me to no end about Rei-chan. I harassed you for months about those two girls up north. Hell, Max told me that there were a few snide jokes going around about Alzack and Bisca when they finally decided to start dating, and look at them now. Married with a kid! It happens to everyone, Gray. It's not like we're unique just because we're both guys. Teasing like this seriously happens to everyone. All that changes is _how_ they tease us."

Gray's head still shook silently. Natsu put a comforting hand on the cold shoulder.

"Straight or gay or anything, any relationship is going to have assholes who are against it. Just because we're two guys, that shouldn't matter. Two guys, two girls, a guy and girl, anything at all, it doesn't matter! Love is love, and I love you, so that's all I care about right now. You! Me! This!" He wrapped an arm around Gray and leaned in closer. "You're all I care about, and screw any assholes who think their opinion is more important than what I feel for you. I'm not seeking _their_ approval; I'm only seeking _your_ happiness. Because that's what matters most: you and me being together and being happy. And if they don't like it, they can fuck themselves!"

Gray finally glanced over again, honestly surprised by the outburst. Hearing all that made his chest warm up, knowing Natsu cared for him that much.

"Now snap the hell out of this," Natsu grumbled as his cheeks went red. "This is seriously embarrassing crap to say."

He laughed softly. It really was weird to hear Natsu talk like that, but it was also nice to hear it for himself.

"Thank you," he whispered. "Maybe I needed to hear that."

Natsu reached forward and stroked Gray's cheek. "You're my mate, Gray. That means something special to me. Gajeel should have honored that, but maybe he thinks I'm too stupid to know what I'm doing. I admit, I'm new to this, I've never had a _mate_ before, but I'm not stupid. I know what I want. I know you're the one person who is the most important thing in the world to me right now. You're my mate," he said tenderly. "That means I'm going to protect you, no matter what the cost."

He looked down at Gray's leg. He had seen that leg at its worst, barely hanging onto Gray's body, a bloody and twisted deformity of flesh and shattered bones. Then he had seen it that day when he helped Gray to bathe, healed but scarred, paralyzed, useless. Now, although Gray's pants were on, he rubbed up his thigh and felt how solid the leg was. It had fully healed, not even scars left behind. The cost was high, but Natsu felt it was worth it. To have Gray walking, running, fighting, to see this man—now his mate—living a full life again, it was worth any shortness of breath or discomfort in his chest. No matter the cost, he would never let Gray suffer like that again.

Gray smiled and tipped his head away as his cheeks began to flush at the sensual touches to his thigh. Natsu grabbed his chin and pulled his face back toward him.

"I'm serious about this, y'know."

Gray nodded slowly. "I knew you were."

"Then don't ever think this isn't meant to be. This is what _we_ want. That's all that matters."

"Got it," he sighed with a gentle smile.

He looked at Natsu's stern eyes, and Gray felt his blood racing. Natsu's warm fingers stroked along his cheek, and Gray relaxed his lips. He began to lean forward, and Natsu tilted his head. Gray's hand cupped the back of Natsu's scalp as their lips met. Tenderly, they kissed by the river, soft caresses of their lips, hazy and heated gazes at one another, noses stroking together in playful sensuality, then melting back together, their mouths feeling so comfortable, like they were made to fit together.

Down the river and on the other side, Lucy and Erza had just reached the bridge. Lucy paused and grabbed Erza's arm to stop her as she spotted the two sitting on the slanted bank, a blend of black and pink melting into one another.

With flushed cheeks at seeing her teammates being so intimate, Lucy whispered, "Let's go. They're fine."

Erza's eyes went massive as her heart fluttered. "Y-yeah." Still, she stared a little longer. She had known for a while about Natsu's feelings and she supported him because she thought that they would make a cute couple. Seeing just how hot the two looked together was something she had not expected. Her heart raced, and her feet did not move.

Lucy had begun to walk back, but she turned and saw Erza gawking at the two boys. She strode back, grabbed Erza's arm, and yanked her away to give the boys some privacy.

Natsu had heard them approaching, but he did not mind if they saw. He wanted everyone to see how serious he was about this. Gray did not want to kiss in public, though. He could tell the ice wizard was nervous just doing this much. So with reluctant understanding, Natsu pulled back.

"We don't have to in public," he said with an apologetic shrug.

Gray glanced around. They were still in town, but no one came this way. Although kissing in the open made him nervous, there was also a thrill to it.

"I don't care," he sighed, and he grabbed Natsu's cheeks, pulling him in and kissing him harder, licking his lips, slipping his tongue inside when Natsu parted his mouth, and running his fingers through the fluffy pink hair. Feeling the warmth in his heart, Gray knew that his place was with Natsu, despite his doubts and embarrassments. Whatever others said, it should not affect how he felt. Natsu had melted his icy heart, and Gray refused to let anyone else freeze it again.

In a shock of pain, he felt teeth biting his lower lip. Gray cried out softly, but then he heard a possessive growl. Was Natsu claiming him through biting? The thought of being claimed made his stomach flutter.

However, right after that lip bite, Natsu pulled back and covered his mouth in surprise. He had bitten without realizing what he was doing. It was an instinct, but he saw Gray's lower lip swelling a little. He suddenly felt guilty for hurting him.

"Sorry," he whispered.

Gray wanted to assured him that he rather liked it, but that was a humiliating thing to say. All he could do was drop his eyes and smile, hoping that was enough to show that he did not mind.

They sat side by side in silence, both watching the river. That lasted no more than a minute before Natsu began to drum his fingers. Gray heard the nervous tapping. He wondered what Natsu was thinking about, but his own mind was too busy playing through all the things Natsu had said today. Just thinking back on those words made Gray's body warm up.

Suddenly, he saw two legs at his each side of his thighs and felt a hot body press up against his back. Natsu had straddled around him, and now he had the Dragon Slayer draped over his shoulders like a blanket fresh out of the dryer. He could see a little bit of pink by his left shoulders as Natsu rested his chin on Gray's collar.

"What are y-…"

"Shut up. I … I wanna do this."

Gray blushed and grumbled, "I'm fine with this. Do what you want."

Natsu looked at him and blinked in surprise. They were still technically in public, but Gray was fine with it. Hearing that acceptance made him grin, and he wrapped his arms around Gray protectively. "Then I wanna do this, too."

Gray quietly looked down at the muscular arms around him. Natsu's hands just sort of flopped off to the side. Sucking nervously on that bitten lip until it began to hurt, Gray reached forward and entangled his fingers with Natsu's warm hand. He felt a firm squeeze in return, and hot air drifted past his neck as Natsu let out a sigh of relief.

Around them, the sun was beginning to set, changing the world to a dusky rose. Birds chirped their farewell song to the day. Noises of the night were just starting, being led by the opening songs of crickets. It was peaceful as they cuddled together, finding strength and courage in each other's arms.

* * *

It was dark when Natsu walked into the guild hall. Many people had already gone home for the night, but he had smelled Gajeel still there. Natsu strode up to his table and glared down, eyes simmering in flames that heated the area around him. Those steel-cold red eyes leered at him as Gajeel continued to drink his beer mug.

"You wanna fight, Salamander?" he grumbled.

"I want an apology," Natsu stated firmly. "Gray!"

Gray entered after him and also walked up to Gajeel's table. At this point, everyone else in the guild stopped whatever they were doing and watched. For those who had not seen the trouble earlier, rumors were abundant. They all knew this was coming, but they thought Natsu and Gajeel would simply duke it out like always. Demanding an apology was unexpected.

"Gray and I are mates. You don't have to like it, but you should at least respect it."

Gajeel's eyes narrowed. "Only if you're serious, Salamander."

Natsu tightened his fists. "I am. Dead serious. Look at his lip."

Gray jolted. "Wait, what?"

Gajeel saw the swollen lip and a tiny scab where Natsu had bit him. "Okay, so you're serious. In that case, I'm sorry."

Natsu swung his finger out to Gray. "To him! You apologize to Gray. You said some shitty stuff to my mate, Gajeel. Apologize properly."

Gajeel glared in annoyance at Natsu, but when he looked over at Gray his eyes softened. He tried to imagine it, if someone had said horrible things to Levy. Hell, he might kill a man for making her cry. If he felt that strongly for the shrimp who could soften an iron-hard heart like his, he knew Natsu probably felt just as protective over the ice wizard who could withstand his flames.

Gajeel dropped his head low. "I apologize for what I said and for not showing respect. I was just talkin' shit, but I said stuff that I never should have said. Worse, I didn't keep it between me and Salamander. I said things to you, and that was out of line."

Gray's eyes narrowed. "You should never say homophobic slurs even in jest."

"Fuck, I've been hearin' that all day," Gajeel growled in frustration, still keeping his head down but gritting his teeth. "I know, okay! I know it was shitty. It was just joking, but I shouldn't have turned it into a fuckin' gay bashing. I've always taken things too far. Did that all the time in Phantom Lord. Ya'd think I'd break the habit here, but I didn't, and I fucked up, and now Levy won't even let me kiss her she's so mad, and she had Freed cast one of his fuckin' Dark Écriture spells to send my libido to zero. So yeah, I fucked up and I'm catching shit from everyone."

Natsu shouted in outrage, "You deserve it!"

Gajeel glared at him, but he forced his focus back onto Gray. "I can't take back those words, but I apologize for them. My beef was never with you, Gray. I still don't like Salamander, but I'm cool if you actually like that idiot. So, yeah. I won't say shit like that again, and I'm sorry for saying it to both of you."

Mira stood by the bar, her blue eyes swishing from one to another as she watched this bizarrely civil apology happen. People talking things out sanely, here in Fairy Tail? It was surreal.

Suddenly, Gray punched Gajeel square in the jaw. The Iron Dragon Slayer was not expecting it and was hit to the side.

"What the fuck!" he bellowed, rubbing out a bruise.

Gray stood over him and glared down. "Apology accepted, but don't ever call my boyfriend an idiot. Only I can call this idiot an idiot. Got it?"

"Fuck you!" Gajeel seethed.

Gray just smirked and took Natsu's hand. "Let's go."

Natsu instantly began to protest. "Hey, I was planning on actually fighting him."

"It's over. He was sincere. Drop it."

"I'm still pissed at him." He tried to squirm away, but Gray had a crushing hold on his hand. "Gray! Gray, let go. I'm gonna fight him."

"Shut up, idiot. I said it's over. It's late, I'm tired, and I don't want to scoop up whatever is left of you after he kicks your butt."

" _What!_ " shrieked Natsu. "Are you saying I'd lose? Screw that. Gajeel! Fight me! You and me, right now!"

"Drop it, Natsu," Gray sighed, and he pulled the rambunctious Dragon Slayer out of the guild hall while Natsu still kept shouting rowdy challenges at Gajeel.

Mira tittered softly. That was a bit more like it: Gray as the ever cool one; Natsu as the fiery hothead! Between the two of them, you just never knew what might happen. It made Fairy Tail perpetually unpredictable.

**Next Chapter: "Tatami and Fingers"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'm taking time off for my birthday on August 12th. Relatives are flying into town today, my husband took time off work, and we're taking a whole week: a jet boat ride up the river, driving to the coast to attend a regatta, going to a car museum, shopping, eating at fancy restaurants I normally could never afford … I'm actually not sure what all they have planned for me, but it should be a fun week-long birthday vacation. Due to that, there will be no update next week. Sorry._


	39. Tatami and Fingers

_"The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space."_  
_― Marilyn Monroe_

 

* * *

Gray sat on his couch reading a book when suddenly something heavy dropped into his lap and a head popped up right in his view.

"Whatcha readin'?" Natsu asked, looking down at the book in Gray's hands.

He looked annoyed but answered, "A study on the different forms of ice crystallization."

"That sounds boring. You should read something better. Like, did you know there are different ways to categorize a fire based on what fuel it burns?"

"So how do you categorize a flame-brain?"

"Hey! How would you categorize an icicle dick, huh?" he shouted back.

Gray rolled his eyes and tried to focus back on the book. Natsu stayed on Gray's lap. He looked at the words on the page, but they were long and boring, so he stared up at the bottom of Gray's chin.

"You have a booger in your nose," he stated.

Gray slammed the book shut. "Do you need something, or are you just planning to bother me?"

"I'm bored," he complained. "We should go swimming, or training, or take a mission."

"Nothing's stopping you. Happy would probably love to go swimming with you."

"But I want _you_ to come."

Gray sighed, "I have such a clingy boyfriend."

"Yep!" Natsu laughed, and he grabbed around Gray's waist. "I just wanna have fun with you."

Gray smiled plaintively and stroked his fingers through the pink hair. How could he possibly stay upset when Natsu was so cute?

There was a thump at the door, and without even waiting Erza burst in.

"Yeah, go ahead and enter," Gray muttered at the intrusion.

Erza saw the two on the couch and asked, "Am I interrupting?"

"Yeah, we're busy cuddling here," Natsu snapped playfully, nuzzling Gray's thigh. "If you don't leave, we might start making out. I've learned the precise spot on Gray's neck to make him moan every time."

"Natsu!" he cried, and his voice cracked in shock.

Erza's cheeks went a little pink, but she remained focus. "How do you two feel about taking a major mission?"

Natsu bolted up and sat on the edge of the couch with sparkling eyes. "Ya mean it? How major? What are we fighting?"

"A rogue wizard on the coast wanted to help his villagers by using magic to increase the size of the fish in the ocean. Now the village is being terrorized by monstrously large crabs, starfish, lobsters, and the ocean is seething with giant fish, including a report of a shark the size of an island. The reward is seven million Jewels and all the free fish we want."

"Oh, Happy's gonna love this one," Natsu chuckled gleefully. "Yosh! Let's do it!"

She looked at him worriedly. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I'm fine, I'll be great. I really need to beat up something, and giant crab legs sound yummy."

"And you, Gray?" she asked.

He nodded. "My leg is a lot better. Besides, you'll need someone who knows how to fight while on a boat. I've battled water monsters before. _This idiot_ would just throw up all the time."

"Boat?" Natsu cringed. "Uh, can I just fight the monsters on land?"

"That's the plan," Erza nodded. "You and Wendy protect the village and defeat anything that crawls out of the ocean while Gray, Lucy, and I find that shark. We'll leave on the evening train."

"Traaaaain?" Natsu moaned.

Gray patted his arm. "Go tell Happy and pack up. See you at the station."

"Sure!" Natsu suddenly kissed Gray's lips, then bolted out past Erza, excited to finally be going on a big mission.

Erza smirked at Gray. "Well, you two seem to be doing good."

He rose from the couch and pulled on his shirt. "We're fine. It's been quiet these past few weeks."

"Have you gone on any dates?"

He laughed and blushed a little. "Not that it's your business, but yeah. We've been to the movies twice and went to a night fair a couple of days ago. Of course, Natsu mostly just ate a bunch of food."

"And … more?"

His eyes narrowed. "No."

"You're still taking things slow, then?"

"That's our choice," he snapped.

"Don't get me wrong. It's admirable," she smiled. "I'm proud of you two." She patted Gray on the shoulder. "He's treating you well."

"Hey!"

"And you're treating him respectfully. I saw the way you two looked on the couch. You're comfortable around him now."

Gray looked aside petulantly. "It's … not quite as weird anymore, being with him."

"Good. Well, I hope this strengthens your ability to fight together. We may need it. I purposely picked a mission that requires a group effort."

"Don't worry," Gray assured her seriously. "Our relationship won't get in the way."

"It better not! I'll see you this evening." She turned and left.

Gray went to fetch his duffel bag and pack for the journey. Finally, a mission! He looked down at his leg, flexed the knee, and nodded confidently. It had been nearly a year since his injury and their last serious mission as a team. It was a long time healing and struggling with his injuries, then the miraculous restoration followed by months of regaining strength in his leg, but at last he was ready for this. He felt great, in both body and heart, so it was time to rekindle that Fairy Tail spirit!

* * *

The train ride was fairly normal, except instead of Lucy or Erza taking care of Natsu, it was Gray who let the Dragon Slayer lie on his lap as he struggled to hold down his stomach. Erza had her hands full with Wendy's newly-acquired motion sickness, unwilling to use on the little girl the same method she had for Natsu (hitting him hard enough to knock him out of his misery).

Finally they arrived at the village and saw right away just how bad it was. There was a massive crab, taller than a building, scuttling through the barren streets, while a gigantic starfish clung to the side of the town's church steeple. As soon as they arrived, the town elder rushed to them, summarized the situation, and the team got to work.

Wendy and Carla worked on getting the starfish down without damaging the church. Natsu raced after the fleeing crab, which was surprisingly swift for its size, but not fast enough for a Dragon Slayer driven by hunger. Natsu wanted crab legs! Happy wanted fish! Two hungry Fairy Tail members was never good news to potential food.

While they worked on the town, Gray sailed off with Erza and Lucy to hunt after the shark. They saw other massive fish under the waves, but they were swimming around peacefully. The village elder had admitted that their food problem really was fixed by the wizard who did this, so he asked if they could leave the non-aggressive fish alone for now. It was the shark who was a threat, and it had killed five people, including the wizard who went out on his own trying to shrink it back down.

It was not hard to find, so massive they thought the fin was a small island until it swam right toward them. Lucy had Sagittarius shoot at it with arrows, and Gray coaxed it with a variety of ice implements, while Erza prepared to slay the monster.

Suddenly, rather than be distracted by Gray's bait, the shark went right after their boat, teeth as big as a child, all gleaming and eager to devour them whole. Lucy shrieked, and Gray hastily put up a net barrier of ice.

On shore, Natsu had the crab dead and knocked on its back, ravenously ready for his crab legs, when he heard the scream. He looked out to the sea and saw the freakishly large shark battering against Gray's ice.

"Gray," he whispered in dread. "Happy, let's fly out there."

"But fish!" the Exceed protested, pointing to the crab.

"We have plenty of time to eat. Let's go help them get that shark. Seared shark and shark fin soup!"

"Aye, sir!" Happy grabbed Natsu up and carried him over the ocean.

Natsu knew Gray would probably be fine. He had Lucy and Erza there too, after all. Still, he worried. As they flew over the waves, he knew he was letting his emotions get in the way of the mission. Gray was fine, he saw that the ice net was working really well, and Erza would handle it. He would probably get scolded for leaving the village unprotected, but for him, Gray came first.

"Fiiiiiish…"

"What?" Natsu realized they were on a path downward toward the sea. "Happy! Happy, snap out of it."

"Fiiiish!" He drooled as he saw the massive fish under the waves and was quickly losing altitude.

"No! Fly up, Happy. Up! We're gonna…"

They splashed into the waves, and Natsu felt Happy let go. He managed to tread water, but he struggled to move in drenched clothes. He felt his shoes and wet pants pulling him down into the sea.

"Happy!" he shouted, but the blue cat was in a daze as he followed after a flounder the size of a boat.

The shark heard the splashing and turned toward it. Just as Erza was preparing a harpoon, the shark turned away and headed toward the coast.

"Where is it going?" the redhead asked, standing on the ship's prow with a spear in her hand.

Lucy saw the pink dot on the ocean. "Natsu! How did he get out here?"

Gray turned sharply and saw the Dragon Slayer flailing about. "That idiot! His splashing is attracting the shark."

Across the waves, Natsu realized the monstrous shark was heading right toward him. "Oh … shit," he whispered. "Happyyyyy!"

He tried to swim away. He kicked his shoes off to swim a little faster, but he knew it was pointless. The shark was coming as fast as a torpedo. He struggled still, swimming with all of his strength, feeling like he was barely moving. He looked back and saw the opened mouth, a dark tunnel coming at him with swords for teeth and the ocean sucking inward, pulling him closer.

"Ahh! No!" he screamed, stroking faster than he had ever tried to swim in his life.

Suddenly, a pain shot through his chest. Natsu gasped and swallowed some water. He stopped swimming and grabbed over his heart.

"No. No, not now. Not…" Pain radiated up his neck. He had felt pain like this before. "Oww, shit, no!"

Shadow encased him. Still holding his chest, he looked up and saw that he was already inside the shark's mouth. His bare feet felt the softness of pale flesh under him. Massive gills opened and closed to the sides. The jaws slowly lowered, and a secondary opening leading to the stomach was just beginning to open.

"GRAY!" he shrieked.

"Ice Devil's Freeze!"

Suddenly, everything was ice. Natsu felt the cold all around him, encasing him, but also stopping the shark from swallowing him. He stared through thick ice at the opening to the shark's stomach. He could not move, could not breathe, and he felt his blood frosting over as his painful heart froze to a stop.

He heard voices, shouts of panic, but his mind was starting to fade. He vaguely felt a crack as he was broken free from the rest of the shark. He was dragged out of the nearly closed jaw and scraped one of the teeth on his way out. Just as he saw the sun gleamed through the ice, Natsu lost consciousness.

Was he dead?

The next thing he felt was thumping pressure on his chest, and suddenly he gasped as his heart found a rhythm. He saw distorted faces and blue sky. The ice was gone, and Gray leaned over him, hands on his chest. He felt Natsu's neck right over the carotid artery and sighed in relief. Then suddenly Gray shrieked.

"You goddamn _idiot_!"

Arms were around him. Natsu shivered. Whatever the pain in his heart had been, it was gone now. Those few seconds of his heart being frozen to a stop and then forcefully restarting seemed to have fixed whatever happened.

"G-rr-Gr-Gray," he shivered.

"Don't move. I had to freeze you as well since I couldn't even see where you were anymore. Shit, you asshole, what the hell were you thinking?" Gray yelled, rubbing Natsu's limbs to warm him.

"Heard … s-scream … sh-shark…"

"We almost had it. I didn't want to freeze the whole frigging ocean, you bastard. We've probably killed a lot of other fish as well. Are you okay?" he asked, pulling Natsu's face up and looking at him in worry.

"Wh-wh-where … H-Happy?"

"I saw him flying off. Goddamn it, Natsu!" He grabbed him again into a hug and grimaced in anguish. "Seriously, don't scare me like that again."

"Heh! J-just … 'nother … n-norm-m-mal … mission."

Gray let out a sigh and shook his head. "You're going to give me a heart attack one day."

Natsu flinched. Was that what happened just now? Gray looked aside as Lucy and Erza ran over the frozen sea, the boat now stuck in ice, and both worried about Natsu. The Dragon Slayer secretively rubbed over his chest. He felt fine now, but that pain worried him.

What the hell happened?

* * *

They brought in the dead and frozen shark. Luckily some of the fish did not die when Gray froze the sea, so the village had frozen fish that would last them, as well as giant fish still swimming around that they could hunt for a while more. Still, they encouraged the Fairy Tail wizards to eat as much as possible, since there was no way they could eat a shark that massive.

Natsu got his crab legs and shark fin soup. Happy ate until he passed out. The village invited all surrounding communities and had a huge festival to give away as much food as they could. It turned into a boisterous party of many villages combined, with music and dancing and all the seafood they could eat.

It was near midnight when they went to their hotel. There were tatamis laid out for them, and they all collapsed with bloated bellies, more than ready to sleep.

Gray was on an outside tatami, rolled on his side and facing the wall. He had eaten so much, his stomach seriously hurt too bad to sleep. He felt the warmth of Natsu next to him, and he heard Lucy, Wendy, and Erza already breathing softly somewhere past them, with Happy and Carla snoring away peacefully. It had been quite a day, but it felt good to be back into doing missions … even if Natsu screwed it up again.

Seeing Natsu about to get eaten by that shark had really terrified him. Although he knew the Fire Dragon Slayer was far stronger than even a shark the size of an island, and knowing him he could have burned his way out of the shark's stomach and escaped unscathed, his emotions got the better of him. The idea of Natsu getting hurt made him panic.

He let his feelings get in the way, precisely what he had promised Erza he would _not_ do.

He rolled around and jolted as he saw the glint of eyes in the moonlight. Natsu was watching him. Instead of closing his eyes or turning away, Gray gently smiled. Even if he overreacted earlier, at least Natsu was safe now.

Natsu smiled back, his cheek pressed into the pillow, smashing up part of his eye. He looked content, but something more. Something he ate today really affected him. Maybe it was the meter-long oyster. Gray smelled so, _so_ good!

"You okay?" Gray lipped silently to not wake up the girls or Exceeds.

Natsu just smiled, feeling wonderful. He reached forward, picked up Gray's hand, and pulled it over to him. Gazing happily and sleepily into those wintry blue eyes, he kissed Gray's hand.

Gray jolted and tried to pull back, but Natsu rested his cheek on Gray's fingers. He looked so happy, Gray did not have the heart to stop him, although the warmth of Natsu's face seared his hand and made his cheeks flush.

Natsu nuzzled against the fingers. He smiled so joyously, Gray had to hold back a laugh. What an idiot, getting so excited over something so simple! Natsu kissed his roughened knuckles, then flashed him another giddy smile.

Gray just shook his head in amusement. Maybe this was Natsu's way of thanking him. It was adorable.

Natsu kissed the top of his hand, then raised his head and kissed each of the four knuckles on top. He moved Gray's hand up and kissed the middle knuckles, then the smaller knuckles, until Gray's whole hand tingled with the sensation of Natsu's warm lips.

Natsu paused on the index finger. He kissed the small knuckle again, slower this time, and gazed up at Gray as he did. His eyes burned with the flame of passion building up inside his chest. He kissed again, dragging his lower lips across the fingernail and up over the knuckle.

Gray instinctively flinched. That was more than just a cute kiss to the hand. Natsu's eyes were changing, and his pupils dilated widely. Gray gulped, not sure why this made him shiver. It was just kissing his hand, after all.

Natsu used his thumb to slowly lift Gray's captured index finger, and his lips wrapped around it, sucking sensually.

Now Gray yanked his hand back. That carnal look in Natsu's eyes shot straight down to his groin. Shit! Shit, shit! He was getting seriously aroused by just that much.

Natsu's eyebrows raised and his eyes pleaded to have the hand back, like a puppy deprived of his toy. Gray yanked the covers up over him and rolled onto his back, away from those eyes. He stared at the shadows of a tree webbed across the moonlit ceiling and deftly wiped the saliva off his finger. Still, it felt so … _cold_ now. His whole hand felt empty and chilled.

When he glanced back over, Natsu had propped up on an elbow and was watching him worriedly. Gray glanced around. The others were all soundly asleep.

Suddenly, he _wanted_ this. He wanted to do something with Natsu, here in front of the others. Damn exhibitionist tendencies! He wanted to push their limits. How much could they do without waking the others?

He rolled back onto his side and let his hand slither over his tatami, onto Natsu's mat, and rubbed up his chest, feeling a fast pulse under the taut pectorals. Natsu snatched his hand away, knowing Gray could feel how fast his heart was racing and honestly fearing it might suddenly beat irregularly. He did not want to worry Gray about that.

He held the hand preciously and silently lipped, "Is it okay?"

Gray looked down at where their tatamis pressed together and nodded petulantly.

Natsu tapped the bottom of Gray's chin and lifted his head. He looked serious, and he dared a whisper amidst the silence.

"Are you okay with this?"

Gray was stunned by how sincere Natsu looked. He was taking Gray's hesitations into consideration, and that melted the icy barrier around his heart. He nodded firmer this time.

Natsu kissed Gray's hand reverently, but his eyes quickly turned mischievous. He swirled his tongue around the middle knuckle of the index finger.

Gray gulped, but he strained not to pull away this time. Natsu kept looking up, seeking silent permission as he licked the whole length of Gray's finger, all the way down to the tip. Then he held the fingertip in his lips, right on the edge where Gray could not feel moistness. He hesitated and kept looking into those wintry blue eyes.

Gray was breathing hard, and he hated to admit just how turned on he was by this. Erza could wake up! Lucy could catch them! Wendy and Carla were too young to see this! Happy's massive eyes might pop up at any moment and he would innocently ask, _What are you two doing?_

It was terrifying and thrilling and seriously affecting him. He nodded, letting Natsu do more, pushing the boundary of this thrill.

Natsu parted his lips, and the finger slid inside his mouth. A very faint but sharp exhale grunted out of Gray, and his face cringed up to hold himself back. Natsu loved the texture and taste of that finger. He let his tongue swirl around it, feeling the shape and moistening the skin. He pressed it up to the roof of his mouth, sucking happily, curling his tongue and caressing Gray's finger with the wet tip. Gray's smell was growing sweeter, muskier, and the chill Natsu normally felt radiating off of him was lessening as his whole body heated up.

Natsu suddenly surged up on his hand, until the finger was pressed to the back of his throat and he had his lips around Gray's upper knuckle. Gray could feel the soft uvula hanging down, and he curled his fingertip down since he was pressed right against the back of Natsu's throat. The Dragon Slayer held it there, the whole finger devoured, and his eyes let Gray know that he was promising to do something like this, yet so much more, some day when they were ready.

Gray felt that maybe—just maybe—he was almost ready for that.

Natsu pulled back slowly, this time letting his teeth drag along the skin, playfully biting above each knuckle and letting the joint pop past his teeth. Then he let his lips rest on the fingertip, unwilling to completely let it go. He began to slide back up the finger, just to the middle knuckle, but he backed off, letting his lips drag until he was completely withdrawn. Then he kissed Gray's palm and leaned back with a content smile once more.

Gray was on edge, nerves sizzling, only to be left hanging. He was almost ready to reach down into his blankets and touch himself while Natsu sucked his finger, but now it all stopped. He wanted to protest, to beg for more, but Natsu shook his head.

"That's enough," he whispered.

No! It was _not enough at all!_ Then he realized that if Natsu did more, he really would do something they should not do in front of their teammates.

And now Gray felt embarrassed at having wanted to risk even that much for a thrill.

Still, he did not want to give up this warmth. He shifted over closer to Natsu's tatami.

"What?" Natsu lipped silently.

Gray leaned in closer to his ear. "Scoot over."

Natsu shifted back, making sure he did not bump into Lucy's mat or disturb Happy and Carla sleeping above their heads.

Gray shifted until he was on the same soft mat. They were curled together, their blankets mingling, shifting until Gray felt himself slip into Natsu's covers. Their bare knees touched, and their toes played together, hot feet and cold toes. Natsu curled down with an elated smile. Sleeping together! They had slept in the same room many times before, but never curled together like this.

Gray reached forward and caressed Natsu's cheek. He felt so hot, warmer than normal with the flush of excitement from their trivial but sensual playfulness. His fingers drifted up, combing through the hair that was so soft and pink, then around his ear and scraping softly down his neck.

Natsu's eyes closed in pleasure. He loved the feel of Gray's fingers in his hair.

Gray softly caressed his blushing cheeks again. Natsu looked amazing in the moonlight, adorable … cute … erotic! The way the moon lit his cheeks made Gray want to stare at him all night. He leaned forward and laid a soft, silent kiss on Natsu's cheek.

He looked up in surprise. "Gray?"

He held a finger up to his lips to silence him. Slowly, heart racing, knowing they could get caught, he leaned down and kissed Natsu's mouth. His lips felt so soft, and his breath was nice from all the savory food they had eaten all night. He meant to give only one kiss, but it was too good for just that much. He leaned down again and kissed harder. A hot hand went up and grabbed the back of Gray's neck, pulling him in closer. Gray moved with stealth, shifting closer, positioning himself to be more on top, wanting to feel Natsu's body reacting.

Still, he held back from doing too much. They really did need to be sure not to wake anyone. So Gray only kissed him, silently and just with lips. Then he pulled up, lifting above the Dragon Slayer's body, and gazed down, amused to see how lost and dazed Natsu looked from just a kiss.

His body felt the reactions, though. Natsu's boxers were stiff, and his chest heaved with fast breaths. Hot hands slid down Gray's bare back, dipping under the blankets covering them both, and rested on Gray's ass. Slowly, he pulled him closer. Natsu thrust up to meet him, sliding their bodies together. Gray gulped at the feel of the erection stroking against him. However, he pulled his hips up, away from the fiery body. Natsu looked up in concern, and Gray shook his head.

"Not here," he whispered. He caressed Natsu's face. "Just this."

Gray leaned only his face down and kissed Natsu gently. Those lips! Seriously, he could never get enough of them, so soft and warm, but not at all like a girl. Natsu kissed like a man! Not really fighting for control, but never fully surrendering to Gray, he kissed back because he enjoyed it. A tap of his tongue silently asked Gray if he wanted more, but Gray pulled back, lips popping in separation, only to lean back in, mouth still closed. It was a silent signal, and Natsu understood the intent. These had to remain as quiet kisses.

Gray finally leaned up to catch his breath before he began to pant loud enough to wake the others. Natsu opened his eyes, saw the gaze of his lover in the moonlight, and forgot himself. He grabbed Gray possessively, his arms around those muscular shoulders while legs hiked around Gray's hips, and he began to surge up to kiss him, claim him, _have_ him.

A finger bopped him on the nose, and he stopped in surprise. Gray pulled himself back and shook his head.

"But—"

Gray held a finger to his lips in silence again. He pulled back so far, Natsu was forced to unwrap his limbs from around Gray's body.

The Dragon Slayer frowned and grumbled something under his breath. Stupid ice princess, purposely riling him up just to deny him! Then again, that was precisely what he had been doing to Gray … but _still!_ He was the one who had to _smell_ how turned on Gray was.

Gray settled back onto his side, but he shifted his pillow over to be closer. His toes sought out those warm feet and rubbed against them. Their toes caressed each other, and somehow that pulled Natsu out of his frustrated mood.

Then Natsu took Gray's hand again. He kissed it and pulled it in close, lying his cheek on top of it. He snuggled the hand-pillow and kissed the top. He sighed in happiness and lipped silently to Gray, _I love you_.

Gray let his toes gently caress Natsu's ankle and mutely said back, _I love you, too._

Natsu looked like he wanted to giggle. Instead, he nuzzled down onto the hand and closed his eyes.

Although it was adorable, Gray did not want Natsu sleeping on his fingers. He whispered softly, "Hey! Give me my hand back."

Natsu had a perfectly content face, and he shook his head while snuggling the hand more. "Mine!" he declared.

"Don't fall asleep on it!" Gray protested, barely keeping his voice down.

Natsu ignored him and tightened his grip on Gray's wrist. He inhaled and let out a happy sigh. "Mine."

Gray shook his head. Sheesh! Such a clingy boyfriend! "Brat," he grumbled, and Natsu chuckled, still not surrendering his treasure. Gray let him keep it. He lightly stroked the pink hair.

 _His_ , huh? It was still a little weird, but … he really didn't mind!

He watched as Natsu's face relaxed, his toes stopped moving, his shoulders sank, and his face grew heavier on Gray's hand. As soon as Natsu's breathing went steady and loud, Gray pulled his fingers out from under the hot cheek, being as gentle as possible. Natsu's hand caught him, and he let out a dreamy protest, but he only held onto the fingers.

Gray gulped as he realized this was a first for them. They were holding hands, sleeping in the same bed, and sharing blankets. Still, it was nice, warm, and comfortable. His eyes grew heavier. He wanted to watch Natsu sleeping, but his eyelids kept lowering. They struggled open, drifted down, fluttered open, sank again, and finally closed. In no time, Gray's body sank and his lips parted as he began to snore.

The moon shone on them, sleeping almost nose to nose, pink and black hair, two new lovers holding hands in bed.

* * *

It was still early in the morning when Natsu heard Happy's high pitch yawn. The room was just turning pink with the rising sun. Erza, Wendy, and Lucy were still breathing heavily or muttering in dreams. Natsu had eventually rolled onto his back. He opened his eyes to the faint light coming from the curtained window. He was about to stretch but he felt his hand occupied.

He looked to his side to find Gray's sleeping face next to him on the pillow and their hands entangled. Natsu's eyes widened and stared with blushing surprise that turned into a warm smile. He remembered last night, kissing Gray's hand, teasing him by sucking his finger, making out as quietly as possible, and then Gray scooting over to sleep with him. Natsu squeezed Gray's hand a little tighter.

Gray felt warmth press into his palm, and he struggled to open his eyes. A green gaze stared right down at him.

"Morning," Natsu whispered, not really wanting to wake the others yet.

"Hey," he replied groggily.

Gray looked down at his hand. It felt sweaty, and he wondered if they actually kept holding hands the whole night. He was about to take back his hand, but Natsu tightened his grip. Gray felt a panic of embarrassment. Happy had drifted off half-asleep to the bathroom. Erza's breathing showed she was slowly coming out of dreams. Lucy, Wendy, and Carla would wake up soon as well. He needed to get out of Natsu's bed and back onto his own. He pulled at his hand again, but Natsu held tighter. The Dragon Slayer smiled mischievously, and he began to raise the hand to his lips.

Now Gray's face went red. Kissing his hand in the middle of the night was one thing. Kissing in daylight, in front of their team, was another. He pulled back sharply, and Natsu tensed his grip. Gray's eyes narrowed.

He wanted to play it _this way_ , huh?

Gray squeezed back tightly, and Natsu felt the pressure in his hand. Oh _hell no_ was he going to let Gray crush his hand! He tensed his own grip even more. Gray sneered in a challenge and really put a crush onto the hand.

Thirty seconds later, Erza woke up as the two appeared to be in some weird form of arm wrestling.

"You bastard, let go!"

"I'm not about to let go, you cold-toed icicle."

"Who are you calling cold-toed, you sweaty-handed shark bait!"

Lucy woke up, too. "Sheesh! Can't you guys give it a rest? It's still early in the morning."

Erza stretched out her arms. "At least they're the same as always while on a mission."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "I guess hoping they'd be lovey-dovey and wake up normally was asking too much."

Gray snarled and Natsu growled as they both tried to squeeze each other's hands harder than the other one could.

**Next Chapter: "Right Place, Right Time"**


	40. Right Place, Right Time

_“After all, love is all about timing. If you don’t say the right thing at the right moment, no matter how much fate was involved in the relationship, everything will be ruined. Even if you regret it, it’ll be too late.”_  
_— Obata Yuki_

 

* * *

Natsu sat in a doctor's office, rubbing his face with stressed lines on his forehead and dark circles under his eyes. It had taken him a while to build up the courage to come here, needing to sneak behind Gray's back. He hated hiding anything from Gray, but he also did not want to worry anyone. Not Gray or Happy or Lucy or Erza, nobody at all. Now he had listened to everything the cardiologist had to say, and he stared forward.

"So, that chest pain? I don't have to worry?" he asked, not sure if he believed that, although it was good news.

The doctor pushed her glasses up her nose. "I wouldn't say you're perfectly normal. Something definitely happened out there. All I'm saying is, whatever that mystery pain was, it wasn't so bad where it showed up on your current tests. I would guess it was a case of arrhythmia."

"What's that?" Natsu asked quickly, nervous for any bad news.

"It just means your heart is not beating precisely as it should be. Many people get arrhythmias at some point in their life, a feeling of your heart skipping a beat, fluttering, or beating too fast or too slow." She picked up a file and flipped through his medical records. "All of your tests are within normal levels. I see no new damage, no blockages, nothing that tells me specifically what happened to you."

"So, it wasn't like … like a heart attack?" he asked worriedly. That was what he had thought it was at the time, and it was his biggest fear.

"Your heart does not show signs of that being the case. Arrhythmia is fairly common, and lacking any evidence of something more serious, I'm prone to lean toward that as a possibility."

"And that's all it was? My heart … skipped a beat?"

"Even in a healthy person, moments of intense fear can cause your heart to beat erratically." The doctor smiled gently. "I would say that almost being swallowed by a giant shark definitely constitutes a moment of excessive fear."

"I … I was swimming too, though. It wasn't because of something like _that_ , right? Things like running, swimming … fighting?" he asked, wringing his hands together worriedly.

She leaned back and folded her arms. "You're a wizard. You're worried about missions."

"Yeah," he admitted, wondering if that was a stupid thing to be worried about. He wanted to go on missions with Gray, but on his first major mission since his heart problem, _this_ happened! He was lucky this time—Gray had not seen anything—but next time might not be the same. If he had chest pain in front of Gray, he would worry over Natsu too much and would not have fun on these missions. Gray might even demand that they not do anymore for a while. Natsu did not want Gray to worry over him. He just wanted Gray to be happy and live life to the fullest. That was all he ever wanted.

"I suppose it's reasonable for you to be concerned about your fighting ability. That's your livelihood, after all. At the moment, I recommend you take it easy, but you probably don't need to stop altogether just for one incident. Like I said, all the tests we've run have come back normal. However, arrhythmia is a tricky problem. Sometimes, it's nothing unusual; sometimes, it's a symptom of something truly dangerous happening with your heart. You just had heart surgery, and arrhythmia is common after such procedures, which is also why I think that's all this was. You were facing a terrifying moment, a life-or-death situation, your heart spasmed, and you felt a pain in your chest due to the intense stress placed upon your heart."

"Is there any way to stop it from happening again?"

"Don't get eaten by sharks," she teased. "It depends on the part of the heart being affected. Your stress test and EKG showed no new abnormalities. Some people only experience arrhythmia at random times. There are long-term tests we can do, but it would take days, and for a single episode of arrhythmia, especially during such an unusually stressful moment, I don't know if we need that just yet. If it happens again, we can put you in a Holter monitor for a two-day EKG monitoring. Depending on the reason for the arrhythmia, there are medications, surgeries, and if it's serious we may need to have you fitted with a pacemaker, but so far this happened only once. It could have been a fluke triggered by adrenalin and fear. It's good that you came in, though," she added. "You never know with this type of issue. If you ever get chest pain again, come in as soon as possible. Don't wait a few days. The sooner we can monitor the heart, the easier it will be for us to discover what's going on. Arrhythmia may be common, but especially with your history of heart trouble, they're something we need to keep an eye on. Pay attention to what you're doing at the moment the pain hits and come see me as soon as you return home."

"Yeah, I will, definitely."

"For the moment, I'm going insist that you get more rest and avoid any major missions for at least a week. Don't drink soda, coffee, or energy drinks, and no more than one alcoholic drink a day. If any activity causes your heart to flutter, stop doing it immediately. Take it easy out there. No more sharks," she teased again.

"Heh! Yeah, hopefully not," Natsu chuckled. He rose to leave the office. "Thanks."

She pushed her glasses back up her nose. "Have a good day, Mister Dragneel."

He walked out through the clinic's empty white halls. He had half the day to himself and nothing to do now. He had expected the appointment with the cardiologist to be much worse, some horrible news, maybe something was failing in his heart, maybe surgery, maybe he was slowly dying, so many negative thoughts had plagued him. Now, he felt relieved that this was not as serious as he had feared. He just needed to avoid life-threatening missions. Of course, giant sea creatures were not supposed to be a big deal for someone as powerful as a Dragon Slayer. He really needed to stop rushing off and doing stupid things.

He left the clinic and looked around. It felt weird not having Happy or anyone around him. He hardly knew what to do with his free time.

"Hmm, I guess I need to go shopping. Do I have…?" He looked down into his wallet. "Oh yeah! We actually did a mission that worked. I have money! Okay, meat!" he declared. He was almost sick of seafood. He needed red meat.

Natsu went to the market and grabbed a basket. He passed fruits and vegetable—maybe he should eat those too, but that could wait—and he went straight to the meat section.

"Meat, meat, yummy meat," he sang happily.

So many kinds to choose from! He wondered if he should go with beef, lamb, pork, venison, or something a bit more exotic since he had the money.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw black hair and a swaying walk he recognized instantly. He looked over and saw a svelte woman who was already attracting looks from both men and women.

"Oh! Hey, Rei-chan," he called out, waving to her.

She paused, a basket of vegetables and juice on her arm, and smiled at the pink-haired boy. "Natsu-dear! Imagine meeting you here of all places."

"Yeah!" He walked up to her, but seeing her in a normal place was strange. "Hey, um … how have you been?"

"I'm doing well, business is steady, just out buying ingredients for dinner tonight. And you?"

He laughed and nervously rubbed the back of his head. "I'm doing great."

"Oh!" she smiling cunningly. "You and Gray-dear?"

"Yeah, we … we hooked up." He felt heat in his cheeks at admitting that to her, of all people.

"That's wonderful," she said pleasantly. "So how are you two?"

"We're … um…" He looked around. People were staring at them, this gorgeous woman dressed too scandalously for a mere market trip, and some punk kid wearing a scarf. "This is kind of an awkward place to talk."

"Yes, it is. Finish your shopping and I'll meet you up front."

"Okay!" He turned back to the shelves of animal cuts. "Meat!"

A few minutes later, Natsu had bags in his hands. He walked to the market doors and saw Rei-chan waiting for him.

"Are you all done?" she asked.

"Yep! Happy's been wanting something good for dinner, and I'm getting sick of fish all the time, so I got us meat." He grinned, proud of himself and his little shopping splurge.

"How adorable," she giggled. "You're such a good father to him."

"I'm not his dad, I'm his friend. But thanks."

They left the market together and walked out into the autumn chill. Neither looked affected by the cold wind. Rei-chan actually felt warmer walking beside Natsu. He naturally heated up the area around him. She found herself stepping a little closer just to feel that radiating warmth.

Natsu noticed how closely she was walking beside him. If people saw them strolling together this close … it looked suspicious. He asked her, "Are you cold?"

"Walking by you is quite warm," she replied.

"I … I can warm things up more." He did not resort to flames but just let his natural heat burn more. Then, trying not to be obvious, he moved a little away from her. She noticed and decided not to be so close anymore.

"Would you like to talk in a café?" she asked as they came up to some places to eat.

"Oh … um…" He turned his head aside worriedly and glanced around at the pedestrians.

She paused and looked down at him as he tucked his chin into his scarf. "What's wrong?"

In embarrassment, he muttered, "That's sort of like a date."

She giggled. So cute! "No, it's two old friends meeting together. I'll pay my half, I'll sit across the table instead of beside you, and we'll just talk. There's nothing romantic about two friends having coffee together."

"R-right. Okay."

They sat down at a table in front of a café, and a waitress handed them menus. Natsu kept glancing around at the people walking along the sidewalks. This was too similar to the test-dates Rei-chan used to take him on, trials so he could learn how to act when on a date. They had gone to outdoor dining restaurants just like this café.

What if someone he knew passed by? What if people recognized him? What would Gray think if he heard rumors that Natsu was out on a date with Rei-chan? It wasn't a date, totally not something like that, but if someone saw them, wouldn't that be the most natural assumption? A guy and girl eating lunch together seemed like a date, right?

"You're worried what Gray-dear would think, aren't you?"

Rei-chan's question caught Natsu by surprise. She always seemed to know what he was thinking, and there was no point in lying because she could tell every time. "Y-yeah, kinda."

He looked back out. Across the street, he saw Max walking by, but the sand wizard did not even look over. He supposed few people really looked at who was eating at restaurants like this. Even if someone noticed and told Gray, he could just say the truth. Gray would understand.

A waitress came up to them. "Two coffees?"

"Make mine a mocha," Rei-chan said. "Natsu-dear?"

He pulled his attention off the pedestrians again. "Oh! Uh … I'm not supposed to have coffee anymore. Juice, I guess. Oh! Spicy Green Juice. Make it really spicy, too."

The waitress left, and Rei-chan rested her chin on her hand as she looked across the table at Natsu. "Spicy Green Juice?"

"It's something Mira makes when she thinks everyone needs to eat healthier. Cucumbers, celery, kale, lettuce, lime juice, pear, ginger, and jalapeño peppers."

"So, you're watching your health. Is something wrong?"

How did she always figure this stuff out? Natsu knew he should be used to it by now, but he always wondered about her. "I was on a mission and had some chest pain. The doctor says it's nothing to worry about but told me to cut out caffeine, lower the alcohol intake, and avoid stress."

"You should eat healthier, if how much meat you just bought is any indication."

"No! I got paid a lot so we're celebrating with meat. I don't get to eat meat too often, except fish and sometimes fire chicken."

She smiled at how fast he was to defend himself. She had missed talking to him like this. Natsu was so refreshing, never treating her weird, never flirting, just eating with her like a normal person. When their drinks arrived, she watched him sip the green juice and make a face. Apparently, this place did not make the drink the same way Mira did.

"So, you and Gray are dating?" she asked.

"Oh! Yeah, we are. Things are … they're good. Great!"

Although his voice was exuberant, she saw a slight flinch in his eyes. "But?" she asked, knowing something was going on just by the pitch of his voice.

Natsu again wondered how she figured him out so easily. "But sometimes, I can tell he's pushing himself."

"Oh? How so?"

"I dunno. Things he does." He looked down at the juice which was missing the pear sweetness Mira normally put in and was not as spicy as she made it. He spoked quieter, worried about others overhearing. "Like, sometimes when we're making out, he'll jerk away for a moment, but then it's like he forces himself back. I dunno, just little things like that. I kinda wish he didn't do that so much. I never know if he actually wants it."

"How long have you two been together?"

"Uh…" He put a finger to his mouth as he rolled his eyes up to think. "Ooh, I should know this. Uhh…" He struggled to think back. "Let's see, we got together in … um…"

"Natsu-dear?" she reprimanded with a playful shake of her head.

"I wrote it down somewhere so I wouldn't forget the day. I just can't remember right now. It's been a few weeks, maybe a bit over two months. It was late summer when we hooked up, and it's October now, so around two months."

"That long and he still pulls away?" she mused, looking concerned. "Have you tried being intimate, offered it at least?"

"Well, I … I _suggest_ things. We're doing _more_ , just … not…" His voice faded as he realized he had to watch what he said. "I mean, it's fine what we're doing, really it is, just … it's…" His head dropped, not wanting to complain since things with Gray really were pretty good so far. They were going out on dates at least once a week, they met together at the guild a lot, they spent hours just cuddling on the couch. It was good! Just—

"It's not the level you want."

"I want what he wants!" he insisted instantly, but Natsu's head dropped low again. "But then, sometimes I want more. I want … I want him! All of him. But not if he's gonna pull away. I don't want to force him into something he's not ready for, but still … still, I want it," he confessed quietly. "I'm willing to wait, I'll wait as long as he needs, but it's getting harder not to at least touch him. I want to respect him, but … holding back … it's so hard! And sometimes I think he wants more, he acts like he wants … um, _you know_ … but then he suddenly pulls away, and I'm too worried that he doesn't really want it after all. I don't know if I should pull back or push on or _what_! I can't read minds and hearts like you can." He sank his head down into his hands, covering up the frustration. "I don't know what he wants, and I'm scared I'll force him into something too soon."

"Natsu-dear," she sighed in pity. Rei-chan reached forward and took his hand. "What you need to find is the right timing. That's hard to know, but when you do find it—the right place, the right time, a moment that is romantic, just the two of you together, all alone—when you find that moment, suggest something you want to do. Be honest about how much you want. Don't just rush into sex, but maybe something you know he'd like, something for him to enjoy. If he's not ready for it, obviously you need to give him time. Being in a relationship means being patient. If it's only been two months, that's still rather early on. Strong relationships take time, and this might still be scary for Gray."

"I know," he mumbled in frustration, and she raised an eyebrow. "I do! I _know_ ," he insisted. He slurped up some of his green juice. "Maybe we could do something, just the two of us. Like, not a date. Something longer, being together for a few days, just me and Gray." He smiled and twirled his straw in the green froth. "Maybe something where we can sleep together again."

Rei-chan raised an eyebrow. "Sleep together?"

"Ah! I … I mean … in the same bed. Not … not…" He rushed out an explanation. "It was a mission, a group thing, and we were all sleeping in the same room, all of us, but me and Gray were side by side, and we kissed really quietly so no one would wake up, and … a-and … and Gray ended up rolling over onto my mat and we shared my blankets and held hands through the night and … and…" He blushed and muttered bashfully, "and I really liked that."

She laughed at how red his face had turned. "Well then, why don't you try that? Try setting up a vacation or a mission for just the two of you, a nice little getaway. Maybe something good will happen."

He bit his lower lip. "Yeah, maybe. Like camping. Camping always leads to good things, and it's sort of romantic, sitting out under the stars, eating by the fire, maybe sharing a tent." He blushed as he imagined it, but then looked up at her in worry. "You don't think it's too soon for that, do you?"

"I can't make a judgment like that, Natsu-dear. Only you can, because you're the one who knows Gray-dear best." Rei-chan thought about her little talk with Gray. "Is he okay with the idea of intimacy?"

"Um … w-well … we talked about it early on. He has some hesitations," he admitted, "but a lot of the problems we had at first, we worked through it. It's getting better. We just needed some time for both of us to get used to this." He quietly swirled his straw again and pouted with inner thoughts.

Rei-chan watched him and how he tapped his finger against the table as he stared intently at the green juice. "What else is wrong?"

By now, he expected her to pick up on this. "It's not so much something _wrong_. I'm trying to take your advice and be respectful. I'm trying!"

"But?"

He tapped his finger and frowned. "I know that Gray has had a lot of partners in the past. Well, maybe not _a lot_ , but quite a few. He's dated, and I know he's slept with a few of those girls. Why is it so different between him and me? Why is he so scared?"

"It's something new to him. Probably, Gray-dear was just as nervous his first time. Eventually he figured out what's good, what's not, and he became more comfortable with sex. Now, he's faced with something new. The way you two would be intimate is not the way he's done things in the past. Especially if you'd still like to be on top."

"Shh!" he warned, mortified at having a conversation like this in public.

"I'll be blunt. He's an ass virgin. You need to be respectful of virgins and give them time."

"Well, I'm one too!"

She chuckled that he would admit that so easily. "Yes, you are. And you're just so eager to lose that bit of innocence, aren't you?"

"I … I-I…" He huffed and looked away petulantly. "I just want him. I want _only_ him."

"I know," she said softly, glancing aside with regrets. "It's always been that way."

Natsu looked over in confusion. "Huh?"

"Nothing," she said, brushing her own emotions aside. "Gray-dear is hesitant because this is totally different for him. It's his first time with a guy."

"I know. I just wish it wasn't different. I don't wish I was a girl," he assured. "I just wish … if I had found him first, if it had been _us_ before he discovered girls…" His voice faded, not sure what he really wanted.

"Do you think that would make a difference?"

"It might," he muttered. "At least he wouldn't be scared."

"He would be, just the same as now. In fact, he would probably be even more hesitant. What you mean is you wouldn't feel jealous of his past. Gray-dear has had partners before, and you're jealous of that experience. Don't deny it; you've admitted that much to me in the past."

"Y-yeah, I guess," he grumbled.

"You still feel inferior, since he has slept with people and you have not." She sighed in pity, reached across the table, and placed a hand over his tapping finger, easing his nervousness. "Natsu-dear, that feeling held you back for so long," she said in anguish. "Why do you still feel that way?"

"I dunno," he grumbled. "I just don't like it."

"You want to be his only one." She knew this, because he had said as much to her in the past when she was training him in matters of love.

Natsu said nothing, but he knew that was the truth. He wanted no one else but Gray. He wished it could be the same, and Gray would want no one else but him. Instead, there were many girls in Gray's past.

What if he wanted them back? What if he decided he did not like anal sex and broke up with Natsu to return to girls? What if he accidentally hurt Gray and ruined everything? What if this whole thing was doomed to end? What if Natsu was just another person for Gray to sleep with, a notch in his checklist of sexual exploits, and nothing more?

Natsu had claimed Gray as his mate, but he had no idea if Gray wanted the same closeness. After all, Gray had slept with many other girls. Some, he slept with and did not even know their names. He had even had a threesome with total strangers. Sex was more casual to Gray, whereas to Natsu, this would be a first. He did not want to have sex with just anyone. This was special. Gray was his mate!

He wished their first time would be equally special to Gray, instead of just one more bed partner in his history of dating. Although he knew he should not hate Gray's past, he still felt bitter about it.

Part of him wanted Gray to get over his hesitations, and part of him liked that Gray was so nervous. If he was too nonchalant and willing, then Natsu felt this would be just another casual sex relationship for Gray. So for how much he really wanted to be intimate, touch him, suck on him, thrust into him, love him all night long, he also feared that once they crossed that boundary, it would all end. There would be no more mystery. He would be just another lover.

"I don't think Gray-dear would break up with you after one time sleeping together."

Natsu looked up sharply. Seriously, how did this woman always know his thoughts?

"He's very nervous about this, Natsu-dear. It's not just one more partner to warm his bed. The fact that it has taken him two months just to cuddle you while you sleep is proof that he's taking this relationship very seriously. He respects you as a virgin as much as you respect him."

"Well, you taught me to respect him. I might have been really messed up if it wasn't for you." Natsu tightened his brow and began to tap his finger again.

"Something else is wrong."

He froze and jolted up. "Ah! It … it's nothing."

"Natsu-dear…" she scolded, knowing better.

"It's … I almost wish…" He sighed and looked away with silent yearning.

"You can tell me. I keep secrets."

"I know." He still hesitated, but at last he looked straight at her. "I almost wish _you_ could talk to him. You know, like you talked with me."

She laughed at the irony. She figured Gray would not have told Natsu about meeting up with her. After all, that was an awkward situation, being dragged into a strip club by Loke, and then chatting with the woman who had trained Natsu for months. "Um … well … what would you have me say to him?"

"Show him it won't hurt," Natsu blurted out. "Show him there's nothing to be scared of."

"Show him?" Rei-chan folded her arms and looked at him levelly. "Do you really want me to do intimate things to your boyfriend? Things that can't be mentioned in public?"

"Things…? No!" he cried out. "Not like that!"

"Then like what? How else could I _show_ him that it won't hurt? Do you really want me to do the same things to him as I did to you?"

Natsu blushed as he thought about their lessons together. "N-no. No, not really. Especially not now that we're dating. Just, when I was going to you for advice, you made everything sound so … so normal."

"It _is_ normal."

"Exactly. With you, it never felt perverted or unusual. It was just what it was. You … made this easier."

Hearing that both gladdening her and painfully stabbed at her heart. "Well, I'm glad you felt safe around me," she muttered. "You need to make him feel safe around you. Maybe you need to be a little less timid."

"Well, I don't want to push him into something he doesn't want."

"No, definitely not! _Always_ ask for permission."

"I know, I know." He repeated what she had told him many times. "Always get consent."

"Yes, that's important, one of the most important things about being in a relationship."

"I know," he sighed. "And I've been doing it, really. I mean, I even asked for permission to suck on his finger." Natsu suddenly froze and looked around, realizing there were still people sitting at nearby tables. "Uh, maybe I shouldn't have said that out loud."

Rei-chan chuckled at his bashful awkwardness. "You definitely are treating him well, and that's good. You should continue, but … you could suggest actions just a little firmer. You do tend to be wishy-washy."

Natsu was not so sure about that. He knew how he could get when he became aggressive. It was never _just a little_. "How?" he asked.

"Hmm … Maybe try being more assertive. Always ask for permission, but state what you actually want first, then ask if what you want is okay. If he's not ready for it, back off right away. But it might be he's timid as well. If he hears directly what you want, he can decide if that's okay first, and then he won't pull away when you do it." She let out a sigh as she finished her coffee. "Two guys who have never had sex with other men! You two are a handful."

"S-sorry."

"It's all right. I like watching how you two progress."

Natsu slurped up the last of his frothy juice. "How do you know how Gray's progressing?"

She chuckled as she realized she had to hide Gray's little secret meeting with her. "Well, through you, my dear," she said lightly, and she placed some money onto the table.

"Oh! Y-yeah."

She closed up her purse and stood up. "Well, I have to meet someone in half an hour, and I have to drop my groceries off."

"Oh! Sorry for keeping you." Natsu also placed money down for his drink and walked her away from the restaurant. "Thanks."

"Any time. And if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me."

"Uh … I … I shouldn't go there anymore."

She chuckled and patted his arm. "You can always come in through the back door."

"Oh. Um … like before?" he muttered, thinking about those visits.

"Yes, like our sessions."

"Yeah … um … I dunno," he muttered.

"Just to talk," she assured. "Look, I'm not going to touch you if you say no."

"I know you won't." He forced a smile up at her. "Thanks for the invitation."

"Sure. See you, Natsu-dear."

She left and went home first to drop her groceries off. She then walked to the Pussy Palace and through the entrance. It was early, not many customers were around yet, and the girls dancing on the stage were new, still learning their routines. She watched and made a few notes for later to help them refine their dancing. She waved to a few of her girls on duty and headed to the back.

As the owner and manger of the strip club, she had her own office as well as a private room for her special customers, people like Natsu who were not necessarily there for a show. She went into her office, dropped off her purse, shook lose her hair, and walked into the private room. Immediately, a man stood politely. Really, such old-fashion refinement! She never expected that from a wizard.

"Hello, Gray-dear."

The Ice-Make wizard watched her enter and move around the room with an erotic grace. "You came after all."

"You asked for me. Of course I'd schedule you in."

"I wasn't sure if you'd be … busy. You know, with … um … work."

She chuckled as she took a seat, and he sat back down on a plush chair. "You seem to think I spend morning, noon, and night pleasing men. Believe me, my life is hardly that monotonous. So, what can I do for you?"

"Um…" He fisted up his hands, fighting the temptation to strip. Like hell would he do that here, of all places. "Dammit, I had this all planned in my head. Saying it out loud is hard."

She smiled silently and waited for him.

"I … I want you to know, Natsu and I … we hooked up."

She fought against a laugh. Gray should not know she had just been speaking to his boyfriend. "Is that so? Well, that's good to know. I assume you two aren't intimate yet."

"Sheesh, how do you always know these things?" he cried out. This woman really was uncanny.

She chuckled slyly. "A talent."

"We're … building up to it. Slowly," he muttered, his cheeks burning bright. "Things … they're slow … but … y'know, they're good. I'm happy, but … l-look, if I want … if I'm gonna … take things a step closer with Natsu, but I'm not … ready … for sex … just a little bit more, y'know."

She crossed a leg over her knee and looked at him levelly. "So, you're here for love advice, is that it?"

"Y-yeah, I guess," he muttered, hunching over and staring at the red rug on her floor. "I couldn't think of anyone else I could turn to. It's awkward as hell talking to you of all people, but I don't want to fuck up with him, and you're the only one who really knows him … _that_ way."

"As a man who can enjoy sexual pleasure and not purely as the silly boy he pretends to be in public?"

"Seriously, can you not be that blunt?" he snapped.

"Why not? Unless you're still jealous," she smirked.

Gray shot an acidic glare at her, and Rei-chan giggled mischievously.

"So, you want more in your relationship, but you're not ready for sex?"

"Y-yeah. I guess," he mumbled. "I mean, what do two guys _do_ together?"

She sighed and picked at a fingernail. "You know, I could suggest some really accurate and instructional porn videos for you."

"No!" he cringed, but then he thought about it. "Maybe … no!" he insisted. "No, I can look that stuff up on my own."

"If you want." She tapped her finger against her lip. "Hmm, what two guys can do for one another that isn't flat out banging each other's asses, right?"

He rolled his eyes in exasperation. "To put it bluntly, yeah."

"You could always just wait for the right place and the right time. Let something happen naturally between you. Call it quits as soon as it becomes uncomfortable, but otherwise, just go for it. Do whatever feels good."

"Do what, exactly? I mean, I could wait for him to suggest things, but Natsu seems too timid."

"He really does, doesn't he?" she chuckled, realizing she had just warned Natsu about this exact same problem. For someone so outgoing, he was timid when it came to Gray. "There's always oral sex, you know. Have you had a woman suck on you before?"

"Y-yeah," he blushed, thinking about many times women had done that much to him.

"So you know it feels good. Natsu would probably love to give you a blow job, and if you're comfortable, you could give back."

Gray remembered when Natsu sucked on his finger. That night, he had wanted Natsu to do so much more to him. He knew, if Natsu ever offered, he would allow him. The problem was getting that far with intimacy. "What else, other than blow jobs? Like, how could I lead up to that?"

"You could always stroke him off. I'm sure he'd love that."

Gray frowned and folded his arms.

"What's wrong?" Rei-chan asked.

Gray muttered with a reddening face, "I … I've never … touched another guy like that."

"You do know how to stroke yourself off, right?"

"Obviously!" he snapped.

"In my experience with other women, it works pretty much the same as whatever you like. Touch him the way you like to be touched."

How he liked it? Gray hardly even thought about it anymore. He just grabbed, jerked, and enjoyed it. Touching another person would be a lot harder. What if he grabbed too hard? What if he stroked wrong? What if Natsu did not like his cold hands?

"Is there anything else? Is that it? Just hands and mouth?"

"Oh Gray-dear!" she chuckled. "Your options are limitless! Not just hands and mouth. Pretty much anything can pleasure your partner." She smirked at him. "I did give you some suggestions last time."

"Y-yeah," he muttered, wishing he could forget the embarrassment of their last meeting. "I guess I'm just … worried," he sighed. "How do I build up to a moment like that? We've had plenty of opportunities, but—"

But, he always froze up. He hesitated. He pulled away. Whenever he did, Natsu always pulled back and changed where they were going. Instead of building up to more, he would cuddle up to Gray and avoid taking it further. Gray knew Natsu was just being courteous, but it was also frustrating. He _wanted_ more, but it still worried him.

"Has Natsu-dear ever suggested something and you pulled away?"

He scoffed in frustration. "All the fucking time! Goddammit, I never thought I would say this, but … I wish he would just take control for once," he shouted. "I wish he would be just a little more reckless and—" His words cut off sharply.

"And force you?" she asked, eying him curiously. Gray did not seem like the masochistic type.

"I'm not like that," he quickly assured her. "Just … just once! If we could do it once, it wouldn't be so awkward the second time. But I always freeze up! How do I get over this?"

"Are you still nervous?"

"Not so much nervous, just … unsure of myself." He sighed and slouched down. "It's stupid."

"It's not stupid at all. It's something you've never done before. Of course you're going to be skeptical, and in your mind, it probably changes everything."

"Yeah, it would," he admitted, wondering how she guessed. "Just dating him and kissing him, that's one thing, but whenever it starts to get to more, it's like … like that's … that would be … as Cana put it, _switching sides_."

"I don't think it's _switching_ sides as much as batting for _both_ sides. There's nothing wrong with that."

"It still seems … final. Like once we cross some line, I'm _bisexual_ for the rest of my life."

She reached over and patted his knee in comfort. "Gray-dear, it doesn't work that way. The act of copulation does not determine your sexuality, and withholding sex doesn't keep you from being one sexual orientation or another. Sexuality can be fluid. It's not like you grow up straight and that's all you are for the rest of your life, or if you try dick once, you're going to be gay for the rest of your life. A person's sexuality can change over time, based on hormones, experiences, and self-awareness."

"But … but they say you're born that way."

"Born what way, exactly?" she smiled pleasantly. "Born straight? Born gay? Born bisexual? If you discover that you've changed from one orientation to another, was that a choice, or was it simply that you were born unfixed, fluid?"

Gray furrowed his brow and glared down at his feet.

"I know how you feel, Gray-dear. You're not _confused_ simply because you don't fit into a label society has doled out for those of us who don't fit into what others decided was the norm. Some people are wired to always be one sexuality, and that's fine. Some of us are not wired that way at all. We certainly are _born this way_ , but we're born not stuck in a single category for the rest of our lives, that's all."

He glanced up at her warily. "We?"

She nodded and decided to tell him a little bit about her past, something she rarely did with any customer. "When I was a teen, I was very much interested in only boys. I truly was boy-crazy, and the idea of liking girls never once crossed my mind. I had lesbian friends, but I knew what I liked, and I liked boys. Then I met a girl, and she changed my world. For many years, it was like my hormones just flipped, and I was crazy over girls. I never wanted dick again! I truly did not even find men attractive. Then I felt myself changing again; I began to enjoy male and female companions. I'm certainly not confused about my sexuality," she chuckled. "Far from it! I knew precisely what I wanted at each point in my life. It wasn't even a conscious choice. I never said, 'Okay, from today onward, I'm only going to fuck girls.' My sexuality changed, that's all. Some people now tell me to _pick a side_ , but dear, it doesn't work that way at all. I cannot simply pick a side any more than a straight person could pick a same-sex lover. And when I was a lesbian, I could not force myself to be sexually attracted to a man any more than my heterosexual self could find women attractive. Similarly, I can't stop myself from changing. I can't declare that I'll be bisexual for the rest of my life, and I can't consciously choose another orientation. I'm just not wired that way."

He looked at her uncertainly. "Are you sure?"

She smiled, liking that he was asking with such pure trust in her. "Believe me on this one, dear."

"Still! It's … weird. I liked girls all my life, but then … just so suddenly!"

"Is it weird because it's him?"

Seriously, she nailed it again. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Because he's your friend, or because he's your rival?"

He laughed, realizing she had not picked what some might think was the obvious choice: because he's a guy! "I guess because he's a rival. Around him, part of me thinks of everything as a bit of a competition. Hell, not that long ago when we were holding hands, we ended up wrestling because we were gripping each other's hands hander and trying to out-squeeze each other."

She laughed as she imagined that. "Yet when it comes to love and intimacy, you said you hope he takes the lead."

"Only the first time!" he insisted. "Only once. Like hell will I let that flame-brain lead me around all the time."

She leaned back in her chair. "Well, you're the only one who can decide when the best time will be. You should only do it when you really, truly want it."

"I … do … maybe … I don't know," he sighed with a buildup of anxiety. "If I'm in the moment, I want it. Hell, there are moments when I want … everything! The problem is finding that moment and not freaking the hell out."

"Maybe you need to make a moment that's just for you, a moment of your choosing. Decide ahead of time that you won't pull away. If you start to pull away and then force yourself, he would notice that."

"Nah, this is Natsu. I doubt he's that attentive."

"Oh trust me, he would," she said, nodding her raven hair.

Gray arched an eyebrow. "How do you know?"

She chuckled and smiled amiable. "Because I know how he is."

"Right. Because you're a freak of nature who can read hearts."

"I'll take that as a compliment," she smirked. "He would notice if you started to pull away and then forced yourself. Natsu-dear is the type who would worry over that and take it as meaning you don't want it at all. So instead of forcing yourself once you're in the moment, decide ahead of time, whatever happens this day, you're going to let it happen, up to the point that you're comfortable." She raised a finger. "Never push yourself past your own comfort levels. Whatever your personal boundaries are, don't exceed them just to please him."

Gray sputtered out a frustrated sigh. "I don't even know what my boundaries are. They're so … uneven."

She cocked her head to the side. "Uneven?"

"Like, I might be okay with him giving me a blow job, but I'm not sure if I could give the same back. I might be okay with being the aggressive one while making out, but as soon as he touches me in the same way, I freak out. Or then sometimes I want him to touch me—damn, I want him to!—but I don't feel comfortable touching him back. That makes me pull away when he tries to touch me, because I feel it should be equal. Otherwise, it's not fair."

"Poor Gray-dear," she sighed. "Your feelings of rivalry clash with your desire to be equals. But you know, you don't always have to be perfectly equal all the time. Take each moment together for what it is just then, not what it may rack up to be in the future. I doubt he will keep tallies on how many times you've stroked him versus how many blow jobs he's given you. Do what is comfortable that particular day, and just because something is okay one day, that doesn't mean it'll be okay every day. No relationship works like that, not even between men and women, right? A girl may say it's okay to touch her boobs one day, but then ask you not to touch there later that week. You wouldn't force her, saying she let you in the past, would you?"

"Hell no! That's despicable," Gray protested.

"So why should it be different between you and Natsu-dear?"

He knew it shouldn't be. It made so much more sense hearing it from her.

"Once you two reach a point that you truly don't want, tell him to stop. Natsu is a little immature and silly at times, but he would definitely stop if you told him to, and he would never push you against your will with something as petty as saying you allowed him to do it last time. Don't push yourself past what you want to do, but don't stop yourself just because you know you're not always in the mood for that action. When you two come upon something you're truly not comfortable doing, make sure you tell Natsu-dear that this is a boundary. He'll know where to avoid going in the future."

Gray glared with a streak of jealousy. "Is that something you taught him: how to respect boundaries?"

"It's something anyone with a shred of love toward their partner should do anyway," she answered, "but yes, I did tell him to be respectful of hard limits. He'll respect your boundaries, but first he needs to know what they are. If you constantly avoid an action, he'll think you won't ever want it at all. Allow yourself to take pleasure in what you both want on any given day. You're used to missions. See this as a mission, seeking what you want out of this relationship. You won't have the same mission all the time, and similarly, you won't want the same pleasure every time. If you don't want a sexual relationship, Natsu-dear needs to know. If you do, don't dive into that until you're ready for it. If you want more, make it a quest, to see how much more, how far is far enough, but realize things can change day by day. Sex is not the reward of this mission, Gray-dear. Love is the reward, and love does not necessarily mean having sex."

"You're right," he admitted. "And like I said, I wouldn't mind sex, just … I want to build up to that, eventually. Maybe…" He smiled to himself. "Maybe we could take a mission together, something that can last a few days."

She laughed at how similar he sounded to Natsu, not even an hour ago. "That sounds like a _wonderful_ idea."

"Yeah. A mission. Somewhere with just the two of us, where we could sleep togeth- … uh…" Gray's face immediately turned bright red. "I-it's not what you think! We just … we were in the same bed, sharing blankets, it was a mission, the whole team was with us, and…"

Rei-chan laughed at his frantic explanations.

"What?" he shouted in mortification.

"Oh, nothing," she said, waving it off. No wonder these two hit it off so well. For being fire and ice, they were so much alike. "Try a mission that involves camping. That's always really romantic. Sitting under the stars, cuddling by the campfire, maybe sharing a tent," she said with a wink.

"Camping? Y-yeah." Gray's face lit up. "We could go camping together. Maybe a mission that involves camping out for a couple of nights. That'd be nice."

"Sounds wonderful," she said with encouragement. "You'll have to tell me about it later."

"Oh!" He glanced around at where he was. Although this back area looked normal enough, if Natsu knew he was coming here, it could be troublesome. "Uh, I shouldn't come here too often."

"Oh please!" she said, waving off his awkwardness. "I could meet you in town. It's not a problem, not like you live halfway across Fiore."

"Yeah, but I'm not even a customer of yours."

She slid a finger up his thigh, and in a low, sensual voice she said, "You were once."

Gray turned bright red, jolted his leg away, stuttered aimlessly, and then looked aside in shame. "That was different."

She leaned back, smug to get that sort of reaction. "You and Natsu-dear are both different. That's what makes you special. Seek me out when you want and tell me all about it."

He glanced over suspiciously. "Are you sure you want to hear? You have a crush on him, after all."

"Maybe that's why I want to know all the juicy details," she smiled shrewdly. "Vicarious living."

Gray pulled back. "Now I'm not so sure I want to tell you anything at all."

She tittered and waved it off. "I'm just kidding. Well, take it easy, and watch out for him. I do worry about his heart."

"Yeah, you and me both!" he muttered. Gray rose and straightened out his clothes, proud that he had not stripped a single thing off the whole time. "Thanks for taking time out of your day for me. It's probably annoying, listening about two awkward guys like us."

"Not really. It's entertaining, and I do love to be entertained," she purred. She stood and walked him to a back door that led behind the club's building. If he walked down a certain path, no one would ever know he had been to the Pussy Palace. She waved as he stepped out into the October colors. "Have fun on your camping trip."

"Y-yeah, thanks."

"Bye-bye!" She waved as he left along the secret path. Once he was out of sight, Rei-chan sighed to herself. "I'm truly glad they're doing well," she muttered, and shut the door to her private room.

**Next Chapter: "Amongst the Towering Stacks"**


	41. Amongst the Towering Stacks

_"A library is a place where you can lose your innocence without losing your virginity."_   
_― Germaine Greer_

 

* * *

After leaving Rei-chan's office, Gray took a stroll through Magnolia. He loved that the weather was finally cooling off. Orange, red, and yellow burst through the trees, a wind made the fallen leaves skip across the cobbled roads, and around him people were wearing coats, gawking at him for not wear a shirt at all—

Wait, where did his shirt go? Dammit! And after he had been so careful not to strip in front of Rei-chan! Oh well, he would just buy another one later.

He arrived at the guild to find it relatively quiet. The Harvest Festival and Fantasia parade were just a week away, so people were off working on their parade floats or helping with the preparations around town. Gray began to walk to the mission board, but Natsu was already there glancing at the fliers with one sheet crunched in his hand. He turned suddenly as Gray neared and burst out a summery grin.

"Hey, ice princess! I was thinking we should do a mission, just the two of us."

Gray paused. Did Rei-chan…? No. No way. It had to be pure coincidence. Still, it was eerie. His curiosity was tempered only by realizing the awkwardness that would ensue if he confessed that he had gone to a stripper for love advice.

"A mission, huh?" Gray said, trying to sound casual. "Got any good ones?"

"Well, there's this one," he said, handing over the flier.

Gray glanced over it. The pay was average, the job itself sounded only mildly challenging, but Gray realized it was not really close to Magnolia. Although by train they could be at the location in hours, Gray knew Natsu avoided transportation if at all possible. It would take them two days to walk there.

Two days there, two days to talk to the client and do the mission, two days back. They could definitely make it in time for Fantasia.

"Looks good," he decided. "How about we skip the train and walk there?"

"Yeah! That's what I was thinking," Natsu said exuberantly. "And I was thinking, maybe … maybe we could … well…"

"We could bring a tent and go camping," Gray blurted out.

Natsu froze and looked at him in astonishment. That was exactly what he was about to say. "Wow, I think we've been dating for so long, we can finish each other's sentences." His face flushed as he laughed. "Camping. That's what I was thinking, too. It'd be really fun, just the two of us. We only really need one tent and … and we could share it and … and … it'd be nice, sleeping side by side," he whispered, remembering how sweet it was to fall asleep holding Gray's hand and feeling his body right next to him.

Gray reached forward and stroked his fingers over Natsu's arm. "Yeah, it would be," he said softly. "Happy won't mind?"

"Actually, he's been suggesting something like this for weeks. Happy is a real sucker for romantic stuff."

Gray laughed, wondering just how much Happy was urging Natsu on. It was nice to know the Exceed who was like Natsu's own son was rooting for them.

Natsu smiled to himself as he thought about it. He had dropped the meat off at home and rushed to the guild to find a mission for the two of them. To think that Gray was wanting the same thing!

It must be fate.

"We could share a sleeping bag too, if you want," Natsu whispered bashfully.

He wanted Gray to be pressed against him all night, with blankets wrapping them together like a fire-and-ice burrito. Who held whom, he didn't care, just so long as he could feel those cold toes playing on his feet and have Gray's body right against him.

"That … that sounds … really nice," Gray stuttered as he fought the desire to grab Natsu right here in the middle of the guild and kiss him.

Sharing a sleeping bag! That was more than just sleeping in the same space. They would be pressed together, arms wrapped around each other, legs tangling, breaths mingling. Something _good_ was sure to happen.

How much did he want, though?

He thought about what Rei-chan said. _Maybe you need to make a moment that's just for you, a moment of your choosing. Decide ahead of time that you won't pull away._

He decided right there, he would let this camping trip be that _moment_. If Natsu wanted to take their relationship to the next level, he would allow it. He would not yank away and let his hesitations get between them.

"I want this to be special," Gray muttered.

Natsu looked up in surprise, and a pink blush spread across his face. "Yeah, me too."

He saw those yearning, wintry eyes staring directly at his lips. Gray's face showed that he wished they were not in public. Cold fingers grazed over Natsu's arm, caressing, tickling a little, wanting to feel more but struggling to stay socially appropriate. Natsu covered Gray's hand with his own, feeling the callused knuckles, pressing the chilly fingers tighter around him, and stroking up to his wrist. His eyes looked ravenous, and Gray wanted to be devoured.

"Gray," Mira called out.

They both jolted and pulled away, realizing belatedly that they had been standing very close to one another.

The white-haired bartender smiled amiably. "I need a cookbook with a recipe for kenchinjiru. Can you fetch it from the library?"

"Uh, sure," he said, wondering why she called upon him and not Lucy, Levy, Freed, or one of the others who frequented the guild library more often.

Then Natsu tapped his elbow and said in a low voice, "I'll help you look."

Gray silently caught his breath, and he glanced back quickly to Mira. She was smiling a little too pleasantly. That nosy woman must have seen their longing looks and was setting this up. He didn't know whether to be suspicious or thankful.

Gray left, and Natsu followed a few steps behind. Gray's heart was already pounding when he turned into the quiet library. Levy was inside seated at a desk, focused on a book with her reading glasses on and headphones playing an audiobook lacrima so she could read one book while listening to another. Gray seriously had no clue how she managed to do that.

Natsu walked in next and saw they were not completely alone. "Hey," he said to Levy, but she did not look up. The headphones deafened her, and her focus was solely on her project. "Gajeel wants to bang you," he tried again, but Levy still had not realized anyone even entered. "Yep, she can't hear a thing," Natsu chuckled. Then he looked up to Gray with a smirk. "Let's go find that book."

He walked toward the towering bookshelves, and Gray stared at his ass as he strode off. Finally, he followed, looking again at Levy, but she was focused at a level Gray could never achieve while studying.

As soon as they were in the shadows of old books, Gray grabbed Natsu, spun him around, and kissed him voraciously. They both let out soft grunts as the passion they had been bottling down finally exploded, making them crave one another without heed to where they were.

Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray, gliding across his bare back and clutching at the taut muscles. Before, he had always been mildly annoyed when Gray walked around shirtless; now it was torture. He always wanted to touch this body. Keeping his hands off of Gray was a constant struggle, so now he indulged.

Gray grabbed Natsu's face, kissed him deeply, and tasted that gross green drink Mira sometimes made. Normally, Gray avoided kissing in public. He had been called an exhibitionist most of his life, so he did not want to add to those accusation. However, with Natsu, he could no longer control himself. This was not the first time they made out in public, and Gray always felt a thrill at doing it. Maybe he was an exhibitionist after all.

With an avaricious growl, Gray pressed Natsu up against a bookshelf and practically attacked him with his mouth. Natsu returned by biting Gray's lip so hard, a drop of blood swelled out. He licked at the blood, tasted it, and grinned predatorily.

Natsu had been thinking so much about the Ice-Make wizard, about what he wanted, ways to seduce him, worries about how far they should go, _constantly_ thinking about him until he could hardly focus on anything else. His dreams were filled with black hair and prurient pleasure. Sometimes his dreams were nothing more than scenes of being on a date, but often at least one dream was wilder, carnal, making him wake up in a sweat … or worse.

After thinking about Gray so constantly, it was impossible not to want him now that he was here.

Gray loved those hot hands sliding all over his skin and how Natsu tended to claw a bit whenever Gray brushed up against his groin. He wanted more! He wanted to hear Natsu enjoying it. Gray pressed him tighter against the bookshelf and gave a slow, rocking thrust of his hips.

"Ahhn!" Natsu moaned, throwing his head back in pleasure. When Gray frotted against him like that, he almost lost control. It was so good, not just smelling Gray's arousal, but _feeling_ it, having his cock stroked by Gray's own prick. He lost all will to do anything besides standing there and taking pleasure in his ice prince.

Gray quickly dipped down and licked the exposed throat right above the scarf. Then his nose burrowed down to where Natsu's neck was hidden by the white fabric. Down where no one could see, he latched on and sucked hard.

Natsu trembled and struggled to hold back a shivering moan. His hands instantly dropped down to Gray's ass and grabbed him there, where he could claw at the jeans and not worry about marking up his flesh. His whole body shook as he thought about it.

Gray was marking him as his mate!

"Gray," he moaned.

He wanted more. He wanted _everything_. To take him. To be taken. To pleasure Gray. To be pleasured by him. Here, right here, amidst these books filled with the knowledge of mankind, books with words he did not know, just like how he did not know the words to say to his lover. He wished he was as smart as the people who wrote these books so he could say with words all the things he felt in his heart.

Gray pulled back and smirked at the blood-speckled oval on Natsu's neck. He was normally not the covetous sort who wanted to mark his partner, but with Natsu … why was it so different? Why did he want to know that Natsu would be feeling that aching mark for the next couple of days?

He cupped the hot, flushed cheeks in his hands and smiled down at Natsu. "I can't wait to sleep under the stars with you," he whispered in a husky voice.

Natsu's eyes widened in amazement. "You really wanna?"

Gray gave him a soft kiss. "Definitely. I swear it's like you can read my mind. I came here to find a mission for us so we could go camping together."

Natsu grinned playfully. "Beat ya to it!"

Gray chuckled and kissed his forehead. "You win this time, bastard."

They knew they should probably stop there, but neither moved away. Gray stayed in front of Natsu, gazing at him with so many things he wanted to express yet did not know how to say it. Natsu still had his hands on Gray's ass, not willing to let him go yet.

"Gray?" he whispered, staring at the soft lips. "I want more."

Feeling light and hazy, Gray leaned in again. This time, their kiss lingered, lips barely moved, and their hands ventured slowly as they traced the contours of one another's bodies. This sort of kiss also made Gray's heart race, and he felt Natsu's body heating up. It was gentle, sweet, filled with love rather than lust.

Natsu loved when Gray's fingers combed through his hair, then stroked down and cupped his face. It was such an affectionate gesture, filled with not just passion, but adoration.

They finally pulled back and gazed tenderly at one another. Natsu's eyes teared up, knowing what he felt, but not knowing the words that went along with it. Both could only gaze in silence as their eyes said everything. Declarations of love were all made without a single word being spoken. They rarely needed words.

Then Natsu hugged Gray and leaned his ear against his chest. His eyes closed as he heard the strong heartbeat. That heart had stopped once, and Natsu had jolted it back to life. Now his eyes teared up as he squeezed Gray, so happy he was alive, so relieved that Gray survived all of those dangerous surgeries, that he had not thrown himself into the river when things were bad, that he had regained the use of his leg, and here he was, standing, smiling, his heart thumping rapidly with love.

"I'm … so happy," he whispered, overwhelmed and hiding his face down into Gray's chest.

Gray held him with ardent devotion. "Me too," he whispered. He kissed the top of Natsu's hair. "I'm glad you didn't give up on me."

Natsu squeezed tighter and sniffled. "Never! I'm staying with you, even if it annoys you."

Gray chuckled and ruffled his hair. Then he glanced around at the shelves. At least they had ended up in the right section of the library. "What recipe were we supposed to find?"

Natsu blinked in confusion. "Recipe?"

"Mira sent us back here to find a recipe book. Weren't you paying attention?"

"No," he said honestly. "She was asking you, so I wasn't listening."

"Sheesh! I'll just grab something." He began to reach for a random cookbook.

Natsu suddenly grabbed Gray's wrist, holding him still. He smiled mischievously and pulled Gray's ass closer to him. "It can wait a little longer."

Gray chuckled, but he could not say no. Their faces drew close again, their lips met, and they kissed quietly, slowly, losing themselves in the pleasure of one another's company.

Natsu smiled through his kisses, so glad to have Gray with him like this.

Was this their _happily ever after_?

He sure hoped so.

**Next Chapter: "One Can't Love and Do Nothing"**


	42. One Can't Love and Do Nothing

_"I had to touch you with my hands, I had to taste you with my tongue; one can't love and do nothing."_  
_― Graham Greene_

 

* * *

It was a mission for just the two of them. They had done this before, rarely, but occasionally. They were deemed "the strongest tag team in Fairy Tail" for a reason, after all. Somehow, even before their hearts were connected, they could read one another. After all, they grew up together, they fought all the time, they knew how each other thought, moved, responded. Fighting side by side meant knowing what the other person was about to do.

This time, though, they made one mistake. Not a serious one, not involving fighting. It had to do with preparing for the journey.

"I thought you were packing the food," Gray shouted.

"Why should I pack it?" Natsu yelled back. "Happy and I have a hard enough time fishing for enough food for the two of us. I figured you would."

"I didn't bring food because I was bringing the tent and sleeping bag."

"Exactly! You were in charge of that stuff."

"So what, you're along for a free ride?" Gray growled in exasperation. "Idiot. We have no food at all now."

"Don't get your panties in a wad, ice princess. We'll buy something in the next town."

"I hope you brought money."

"Wait, why is this all my responsibility? You were in charge of bringing money."

"I did. I brought enough for one night in a hotel while we're in the city, and travel expenses. Didn't you plan on chipping in at all? How greedy can you be?"

"Greedy? You asshole!"

"Look, I said I'd bring the camping gear and money. Everything else was supposed to be _your_ job."

"Camping gear includes food."

"No it doesn't!" he screamed in outrage. "You were the one who begged me to help you, so you should at least take care of the food."

Natsu's eyes narrowed. "It's not like I need your help, popsicle dick!"

"If you don't need it, don't ask for it, you flame-brain fucker!"

"I thought it'd be a fun outing, but you're making this into a disaster."

"I didn't do shit! You're the one whining that you're hungry but didn't even pack food."

"You're the one accusing me of being greedy and _along for a free ride_! If you're gonna be an asshole about this, then fuck you! I don't need you for a mission this simple."

"Well, now you do, since you forgot the food."

" _You_ were supposed to _bring_ the food!"

After exhausting themselves in a shouting contest, they decided to split up and venture off the main road to a nearby forest. Natsu figured he could catch a fish in the river, and Gray went searching for nuts, berries, or edible mushrooms. He used Ice-Make to create a fishing spear out of ice, which Natsu complained about, and a gathering basket made of ice for himself.

Natsu seethed as he stood knee-deep in the icy river, cursing quietly about the coldness of the ice spear and grumbling about Gray calling him greedy. He honestly thought that Gray's offer to bring the camping gear included food. With him and Happy, camping gear always meant a tent, sleeping bag, cooking gear, and food. He thought it was sweet that Gray had offered to bring everything for their romantic outing together. Now, instead of cuddling together for dinner, they had their first fight as a couple.

This was turning out to be the worst mission ever!

Slowly, he began to cool off. He supposed they should have clarified who was bringing what. Besides, they were resourceful enough to scrounge up food.

Just then, his spear managed to stab one fish. He raised it into the air with a grin. Two minutes later, he had another fish. Things were looking up.

He gutted and roasted the fish with his own flames right there by the river. Then he sniffed out Gray's location and proudly brought the fish.

When he arrived, he saw Gray bent over picking mushrooms. That ass stuck out, so tempting. He came up from behind and caressed the protruding butt cheeks.

Gray jolted up in shock. "What the…?"

When he turned around, Natsu had soft, serious eyes. He placed the fish inside the basket and set the icy container to the side. He softly hushed Gray, and his hands ran through the raven hair.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. Natsu started to plant soft kisses on the side of Gray's neck as his hands roamed around his chest. "I should have made sure what I should bring."

"No, I shouldn't have called you greedy." Gray hummed as Natsu's lips left scalding marks on his neck and shoulders. "I'm sorry, too. Sheesh, our first fight and it's over food. That's so typical."

"It is, huh?" chuckled Natsu. He felt relieved that Gray was not mad. "I really wanted to go camping with you, ya know."

Gray smiled and hummed again as the hot mouth worked on his skin. "I guess it's a good thing I suggested we travel on foot instead of by train, eh?"

"Idiot," Natsu muttered, nipping his earlobe. "I wouldn't have wanted to take a train anyway."

Gray moaned as Natsu sucked softly on a spot just under his ear, not hard enough to pull up a mark, but it was one spot that got Gray every time. He and Natsu had made out so many times over the past two months, they knew what places were best.

"H-Hey, squinty-eyes. We're supposed to find food."

"I did," Natsu chuckled slyly. His tongue licked all the way up Gray's neck. "And I'm hungry."

"N-Natsu!" Gray moaned as he arched his spine with the back of his head resting on Natsu's shoulder. Natsu slowly caressed his chest more, stroking up pleasure. Gray shuddered at the touches, and Natsu's mouth kept kissing his neck and back.

Gray thought again about what Rei-chan had said. He should make up his mind to do more, to not flinch away even when something made him nervous. Right at that moment, he was hardly nervous. He felt hot with Natsu pressed up against his back. Out here, away from all civilization, they could do anything they wanted. No one was around for miles. No one would judge them or interrupt them. He consciously made up his mind. Whatever they did, he would not flinch away. He would indulge!

Natsu pulled Gray's body around to face him and crashed their lips together. Gray tangled his fingers into Natsu's hair and pulled him closer, swirling his tongue within that fiery mouth. Natsu grabbed Gray by the belt loops and pulled him closer just as his hips made a slight thrust against him. The friction made Gray moan right into the hot mouth.

Gray's hands moved unconsciously, flinging his shirt off. He heard Natsu make a lusty grunt as he felt the cool skin. Natsu unbuttoned his shirt and let it hang open and loose, fluttered back with the faint forest breeze. Their bare chests pressed together. Gray pulled Natsu in closer, loving the feel of the heated skin, and he felt Natsu's fingers clawing into his back.

"Is this okay?" Natsu asked between fervent kisses.

"Yeah. It's fine," he said breathlessly.

Natsu nipped on his earlobe. "But I want more." His mouth nibbled down over a throbbing artery. "Your smell is changing, and it's making me crazy."

"Shut up," Gray moaned. "Just … don't talk."

Natsu smiled that he was not saying to stop kissing and touching. His hands stroked down Gray's body, holding him at the waist for a moment, but then one hand went even lower. He caressed down Gray's leg, then ventured back up, drifting over to the hardened groin.

"A-ahhhhhh!" Gray moaned at merely the ghosting touch of Natsu's hot hand.

Natsu thought about Rei-chan's words during their luncheon. _Maybe try being more assertive. Always ask for permission, but state what you actually want first, then ask if what you want is okay._

"I want to touch you. Is that okay?"

Gray's teeth were clenched, but he nodded frantically.

Natsu palmed the soft thickness already rising. Gray let out a husky moan and thrust his hips forward to feel more. Natsu stroked him gently with one hand while the other caressed through the black hair.

"I only want to do whatever is okay with you." Natsu licked up Gray's neck and let out a restrained growl. "But there's so much more I wanna do, it's hard to hold back. Whenever I'm with you—" Natsu leaned into his ear and whispered. "—I always crave more."

He suddenly shoved Gray backward, sending him stumbling against a tree. His back was pressed tightly against the bark as Natsu thrust up against him.

"I want so much more," he snarled, palming Gray's clothed erection. "I'm starving for you." Natsu frotted gently against him, hips and hands moving in tandem, letting Gray feel his excitement.

"N-Natsu!"

"Is this okay?"

"Damn, yes!" Gray shouted, surrendering to the pleasure of that warm hand and hard body.

He frotted more while kissing his throat. "Your smell drives me crazy, Gray. I can smell what you want, and I want to give it all to you."

Give … it all?

"What exactly do you want?" Gray asked in desperation. "Tell me! Tell me what to do." Just once, he needed Natsu to take control. Only the first time. He just needed a gentle push to get beyond his hesitations.

"Do whatever you want."

"Goddamn, _tell me_!" Gray shouted.

Natsu looked stunned. Why did Gray want to hear it? Or was he that type? Maybe he liked dirty talk. Or maybe he just needed to be guided.

"Do you want to touch me back?"

Gray thought about it. "Like, your cock? Do you want a hand job?"

"Y-you don't have to—"

"No! Don't be wishy-washy about this. Tell me what you want me to do, dammit."

Natsu shuddered. Saying it out loud was embarrassing. "I … I want you … to stroke me. Only if you want, though."

"I want to," Gray growled, reaching his hand down to the pole in Natsu's pants. "Damn, I want to feel you!"

Feeling another man's penis was definitely weird, but hearing the growling moan from Natsu sent his heart racing. He felt the contours through the clothes, outlined so perfectly he could almost imagine how it would look. Natsu buried his head down into Gray's shoulder and let out puffs of hot air.

"Yes, like that," he moaned.

"Too tight?"

"No! No, exactly like … that!" He shuddered and stroked Gray in return, matching his pace until their hands moved in synchronism. "Oh damn, that feels good."

Natsu let out a needy whimper, and Gray smiled with a hum. Why had this scared him? For that matter, why did anything involving intimacy with Natsu make him freeze up? From the beginning, they had a relationship of timidity suddenly burned by Natsu's reckless desires. After a lifetime of being the one chasing after girls and always making the first move, Gray liked having Natsu initiate things. He could always take control _after_ that, but he really did have a kink for surrendering to Natsu's wild passion.

"Gray," he whined, and he gazed up with begging eyes. "I need it. Sorry, but it's either you or I do it myself."

Need … it! He needed fulfillment! Gray's heart skipped a beat as he thought about it, but he smiled gently. This was something he wanted, and he had told himself that he would not flinch away.

"I'd hate to miss seeing your pathetic face." He leaned into Natsu's ear. "Strip for me."

In a frantic rush, Natsu undid his belt and let his pants fall to his ankles. He pulled his opened shirt off and hung his scarf on a branch. He flushed as he stood there, naked and aroused.

To Gray, the sight was glorious. Natsu naked in nature! Somehow, that just seemed appropriate, this wild man stripped of civilization's conformities, and the two of them about to do what could never be done in polite society. Out here, in the untamed forest and amidst nature, they were just two horny animals ready to rut.

He glanced down and saw Natsu fully erect, poking up from a tuft of pink, wiry hair. He was really going to do this! Touching Natsu! Before he could think too much on it, Natsu grabbed Gray's face and kissed him possessively.

"Please," he huffed, already flushed and desperate. He reached down, took Gray's hand, and guided it over to him. "Please, Gray. I want it."

Gray's fingers found the shaft, led there by Natsu's eager hand. His fingers wrapped around the soft flesh and encircled his girth. He could hardly help the slightly competitive side of him that measured Natsu's size with just his hand. Damn bastard was thicker! Maybe not as long, but his fingers could not fully wrap around. He began to stroke, trying to mimic how he liked it.

Shivers took over Natsu as those icy fingers slid along him. It felt so good, the touch cold but gentle, precisely how he always imagined it might feel. Sparks lit up inside him, and the fire in his chest that had begun that day in the hospital, watching Gray sleep after surgery, now raged out of control.

"G-Gray!"

"Is it okay?" he asked, trying to find a rhythm but feeling awkward.

"Little … little dry."

Gray spit on his palm and reached down again. He instantly felt how much better that was, and the tremble that convulsed through Natsu showed it was more pleasurable for him as well.

"That's good. Damn, so good."

Gray closed his eyes as his hand felt the silky softness of Natsu's skin, how his pink tuft of hair brushed over his cold fingers on every down stroke, the ribbed rigidness getting wetter with pre-cum, and sometimes brushing over the flared head, pulling all the way to the tip, only to thrust hard down. He grabbed Natsu closer and sucked on his neck, wanting him, claiming him, loving him so deeply.

Natsu felt the stinging pain in his neck and groaned. Being marked again! Gray desired him! Just knowing that, feeling that, overwhelmed him. The lust he had pent up for too long was building, bubbling, and now it was ready to overflow.

"That's … _nnngh_ … dammit, I'm seriously not going to last long," he said in apology. "Can I?"

"Yes. Hold me," Gray whispered. "I want to feel you tremble."

Natsu grabbed Gray as if he was the only thing keeping him standing. He moaned and panted heavily, trying to thrust more with his hips, while Gray's hand stroked with calm grace.

"Please," Natsu whimpered. "Faster. Almost … I'm so close." His arms tensed tighter. "Gray!"

Gray hushed him, and his wrist sped up. Natsu let out a choked cry, his body tensed, his fingers clutched at Gray's arms so tightly he would eventually end up with bruises, and Gray felt the surge in that arousal.

"Ahh … ahhhhhn … G-Gray. I'm … mmnnnnaaaaaaaah!"

Gray heard wetness hit the dry leaves, but mostly he heard the sharp, staccato breaths from the Dragon Slayer. His body trembled, and Gray stood there, feeling it, sensing all that energy building only to release. Finally, he heard a sigh, felt the body collapsing in weakness, and now Natsu really did have to hold on to stay on his feet.

"Gray," he whispered, and that word was a thanks, a prayer, a declaration, and surrender, all wrapped into one.

Gray held him while Natsu rested in weariness. His own arousal ached, but he put up with the pain for now. Knowing he could finally pleasure someone was … incredible! Every huff of air and low moan of exhaustion tingled him.

"Don't leave me hanging for too long, bastard," he warned.

Natsu pulled back with a smile. "Trust me, I won't." He licked his lips sensually, then glanced down to Gray's pants. "Can I?"

"Hell, yes," he moaned.

Natsu dropped to his knees and pulled Gray's belt loose. The ice wizard gazed down, shocked at the sight. He had dreamed of Natsu being like this, erotic fantasies of those squinty eyes gazing up at him, wet dreams of that fiery mouth, months of wanting this but fearing it. Now, his jeans fell, and Natsu tugged the boxers down. Those sage-green eyes gazed up with a smirk, knowing full well that he did not really have to ask again for permission, but still wanting to hear him ask for it, _beg_ for it.

"Please," Gray whispered. He needed this. Now!

"Please … what?" Natsu asked, leaning in but not touching Gray, only being close enough so his sensitive skin could feel the heat of his breath. "What do you want me to do, Gray?"

"You goddamn bastard! Don't play this sort of game with me. Suck my fucking cock or I'll choke you with it."

"Heh!" Natsu let out only that one brief laugh before leaning in.

Gray felt the hot breath before he felt anything else. First, it was lips, kisses up the shaft, and a peck to the tip. Then a tongue dabbed into the slit to lap up a small drop of pre-cum. Natsu sucked only the head at first, tugging the foreskin, nibbling it, running his tongue under it. Finally, a hand shifted the foreskin down, fully exposing him, and that mouth was immediately on him.

Gray tensed and grabbed the pink hair. It felt wrong. It felt right. It felt dirty. It felt perfect!

Natsu had always wondered what it would taste like. Bitter, but bearable. Musky, but sensual. The smell around Gray went out of control. Natsu knew of no smell that compared. It was so intense, so carnal, so addictive. He wanted that scent all over him.

He pulled off and rubbed the cock up his cheek while his mouth went down, lapping the balls hanging heavily with fullness. A cry, almost like pain, spiraled up from Gray.

"Not there! Too much!"

Natsu filed that away for later. Gray was weak there. Oh, that was going to be _fun_ to explore. But not this time. He wanted that taste again. His mouth went down onto Gray, lower, lower, until he almost choked.

"Easy," Gray whispered. "Have you ever done this?"

Natsu shook his head with the penis still in his mouth.

"Don't overdo it. You don't need to. Believe me, this is _really_ damn good," he admitted.

Natsu felt a bit smug. He knew he could probably suck Gray off as quickly as he had come from the hand job. However, this was a taste Natsu was not about to give up so soon. Just as he smelled the arousal increasing to an apex, he backed off, slowed down, and savored the cry of frustration from Gray as he felt the impending orgasm being put off.

"N-Natsu!" he whimpered. "Please!"

Nope, not yet. His hands ran up the bare thighs, and he felt the quivering of the muscles as Gray was edged closer and closer, only to be denied.

"Please!" he screamed.

Natsu reached back, gripping the firm buttocks. He grabbed those globes possessively and yanked all of Gray's groin to be closer. The shaft slammed into the back of his throat.

"Arghhhh!" Gray cried. "Shit, Natsu!"

That aroma was getting even stronger. Still, Natsu wanted one more thing. One hand reached back around, slid up the shaft while he licked around the head, and Natsu gave one finger a quick, wet suck. Then his mouth went down again, his hand slipped back around, and he slid the finger to the tight opening.

Gray's eyes went huge. He had gotten blow jobs before but … this! No girl ever touched him back there.

"Natsu?" he asked uncertainly.

Smirking, Natsu pressed the finger in. He went deeper, hearing the slight discomfort from Gray, but he knew there was that place. If he could find that area…

The hands in his hair tensed. "Oh _fuck_!"

There!

"Ahh … Natsu!" Gray was at a loss. The logical side of his brain was telling him, _'This is your prostate, and massaging that area will of course feel good.'_ Another part of his brain could not even come to grips with the idea that Natsu had his finger _up his ass!_ But both sides, everything, his whole brain, had short-circuited by one thing.

It felt damn good!

Too good.

"Nngh … Natsu! Gonna…" He could not even speak through his tensed throat, but he heard a hum of understanding below him. Natsu's mouth bobbed even quicker, no longer edging him but allowing him to release at last.

Gray yanked painfully at Natsu's hair and slammed in with a cry. His whole soul erupted in that moment, and the forest echoed with his jolting moans. It was so much, so good, so intense. In the midst of his pleasure his eyes cracked open and saw Natsu's face, the flush on his cheeks, his mouth wrapped around Gray, taking it all, his very essence.

Natsu felt the ring of muscles clench on his finger just before he felt the surge in his mouth. His eyes went wide in surprise. The taste … was _really_ not what he had expected. He did not want to pull back, but he also did not think he could swallow this. As the groans above him lessened, he seriously hoped Gray was not seeing the look of disgust on his face.

Unfortunately, Gray did see. Many girls had refused to swallow; he was used to that. Just having this pleasure was enough. There was no need for more.

"You can spit it out," Gray said softly, stroking back the sweaty pink hair.

Natsu lamented that Gray had seen his face. He still waited with that liquid under his tongue, away from his taste buds. When finally Gray began to shrink, Natsu pulled back, leaned over, and discretely spit out the white fluid.

"That was incredible," Gray sighed in exhaustion. "Damn, better than anything I imagined."

Natsu cleared out his mouth and gazed up. "Oh? Did you ever fantasize about that?"

He had to laugh through his buzzing weariness. "For some time now, probably since our beach trip early this summer."

"The beach trip?"

Gray held his hand out and pulled Natsu back up to his feet. "I accidentally overheard you in the shower while you were jerking off."

Natsu's face burst into crimson.

"I think that was the start of it for me. You sounded … so hot," he admitted awkwardly. "I began to think about you differently, and I had dreams. Really pervy, huh?"

Natsu bashfully admitted, "That time in the shower on that trip, I was jerking off thinking about you."

Gray's eyes widened. "But you were with Rei-chan."

"I never fantasized about her, though. Only you."

Gray's face went brighter. "You … were thinking about me … while doing that?"

"Yeah," Natsu smiled sheepishly. "Every time. I knew I wanted you." His hand reached up and stroked Gray's cheek. "Now I have you."

Gray smiled, and he leaned forward to kiss Natsu. Immediately, he pulled back. "Oh God, you taste like cum!"

"You have some crappy tasting cum, you know. I would've swallowed but _damn_ that tasted awful!"

"Well, if you don't like it, you don't have to do it again."

"Nah, I can put up with it, but next time it's your turn."

Gray's face went red. "N-next time?"

Natsu smiled up at him. "Yeah, if you want more of this. Was this okay? Too much?"

"It's … fine. I mean, I like … this much … look, it's awkward to say," he snapped.

"Then say you liked it and want more."

Gray chuckled and yanked Natsu in close against him. "I _loved_ it, and I want more." He leaned forward, and despite the taste, he kissed Natsu, letting the kiss deepen, their tongues entwining, while their hands gripped one another, both wanting this closeness to last.

* * *

Later that night, they were curled together by a fire, dirty plates set to the side, the tent up but ignored for now as they laid out in the open gazing up at the stars. Natsu's back was against a fallen log, leaning arched back on the mossy trunk. Gray was pulled in between his legs, settled against the hot chest, with Natsu wrapping his arms around him. Maybe it was not the most comfortable position, but they could feel one another, and that was enough.

"Are you cold?" Gray asked softly.

"I don't get cold. And you?"

"Do you really have to ask?" the ice wizard chuckled.

Natsu squeezed his arms around Gray, happy and relaxed, the pleasure earlier now faded into sleepy satisfaction. There was no more awkward sexual tension like what usually happened when they held one another this closely. They had taken a major step, and both felt that was enough for now.

"I love you," Natsu said out of nowhere.

Gray's attention was taken off the stars for a moment, but he smiled at hearing him say it. "I know that already, idiot." His hands rubbed up and down Natsu's thighs, not sensually, just happy he was there. "Love ya too."

Hearing it made Natsu smile and warm up. His hands kept drifting around Gray's shoulders, sometimes down to his elbow or over his chest, nowhere exactly erotic. He just wanted to enjoy this time together.

"Are you ready for bed?" Gray asked.

Natsu tightened his hold. "A little longer."

"We have to wake up early."

"I know. Um, unless you're sleepy. We can call it a night."

Gray leaned his head back onto Natsu's shoulder, their cheeks touching, and gazed up at the sky. "A little longer," he whispered.

An owl hooted, the fire crackled, and overhead a meteorite blazed across the heavens. They lost track of time in this place. However, as the moon began to dip behind the trees, Gray shifted away.

"We really should get some sleep."

Gray got up and headed off into the trees to relieve nature. Natsu devoured the flames until not a single flicker was left. He went behind a bush and undid the front flap of his pajamas to pee. Gray walked back just as Natsu was in the middle of relieving himself. He blushed and looked away, waiting silently for him to finish.

"You know, I can smell you there," the Dragon Slayer called out. Gray heard the trickling of liquid stop, a light grunt as Natsu adjusted himself, and then they walked over to the tent. "You're actually a gentleman. Who would have thought it?"

"Screw you! I'm at least that polite."

"Says the guy who admits he listened in on me jerking off."

"I just happened to walk into the hotel when you were doing that. If you fucked yourself quieter, I wouldn't have known."

"You should talk!" Natsu froze and his eyes widened.

Gray narrowed his gaze. "What?" he asked in soft, dire tones.

"I … it was … a-a-accident. An accident."

"When?" he asked sharply.

Natsu flinched. "I can't remember the details. It was when you were still on crutches. That day I had to pick you up out of the shower."

"You bastard! You said you were going out to the store. I thought I was alone."

"You began before I ever said that. I thought I'd give you a chance to do it without straining to keep quiet."

"Obviously you didn't leave!" Gray shouted. "You lied!"

Natsu pulled back with guilt. "I … I'm sorry. I was curious."

"You spied on me!" Gray yelled. "You lied so you could spy on me. At least when I heard you, it was an honest accident."

Natsu dropped his head. That was true. He had lied to Gray that day and eavesdropped on him in such an intimate moment. Not only that, he had jerked off listening to Gray pleasuring himself. Natsu turned away silently and began to walk back to the fire pit.

"What are you doing?" Gray asked warily.

"You're mad, and you have every right to be pissed as hell," Natsu muttered petulantly. "I'll sleep out here."

"You don't have a sleeping bag or blankets."

Natsu shrugged. "It's not like I get cold," he muttered.

Gray gave a sigh and looked aside. Another fight! He supposed all couples had them from time to time. Two in a row just seemed like a lot.

"Come here," he said, beckoning to him.

Natsu glanced briefly, but turned aside again. "You have a right to be mad."

"You're damn right I do! Still, I've been looking forward to sleeping with you, and I don't want a stupid fight to ruin that. Come here!"

Still Natsu stood by the ashes of the pit. He had thought that this trip might be a good time to discuss the truth about how Gray got healed. He did not want to mention it on the road going there, just in case things went bad. He had planned to tell Gray on the journey home, during a night much like this.

If Gray was this mad learning about one of Natsu's secrets, just how enraged would he be to learn that Natsu's weakened heart was caused by the machine that healed his leg? These fights scared Natsu. He didn't want to lose Gray so soon.

He cringed and shook his head. Two fights in one day! There was no way he could tell Gray about his heart, not when they had fought twice already.

"Natsu?"

The voice was soft and very close. Natsu jumped. He had not heard Gray approach him, lost in his own thoughts.

"I forgive you," Gray said softly. "You're a pervert, but I'm not much better, I guess. Please, come to bed." He held Natsu's arm, trying to tug him.

Natsu looked over with tears in his eyes. When could he tell Gray the truth? Hiding it now, especially after his scare with the shark, was eating at his soul. Gray deserved to know, but Natsu really feared how he might react.

"I don't want to lose you," he sputtered as the tears tumbled over his lids.

Gray sighed and hugged Natsu, rubbing his back. "Idiot. You're not gonna chase me away that easily."

That easily … but what about the damning truth about why he was able to stand on two legs now? Natsu clenched his teeth, shoving aside his plans to tell Gray, at least for now. He needed more courage first.

"Shh, it's okay," Gray whispered, feeling the tension in Natsu's muscles. "Let me hold you tonight. I won't leave."

Natsu scrubbed his eyes clear. "Promise?"

"Of course," Gray smiled, glad he was settling down. Gray took Natsu's hands and slowly pulled him along. "That's it. Come to bed. It'll be better in the morning. I'm not angry. I'm gonna tease you like hell about being a voyeur, though," he smirked playfully.

Natsu managed to laugh. "Exhibitionist!"

"It's not exhibition if I'm in my own home and you're spying on me."

"Can I tell you the truth once more? Promise you don't be mad?"

"Tell me."

"I spied on you one other time. I was going to climb through your window, but I saw you were … busy."

"Did you watch me?"

Natsu blushed fiercely. "Y-yes."

"Did you touch yourself while watching me?"

His face shrank down into the scarf. "Maybe a little."

"And you were outside my window? Masturbating in public! Who's the exhibitionist?"

"I … it wasn't like that. I just forgot where I was and … and you were hot!"

Gray chuckled and gave Natsu a kiss just before entering the tent. "Pervert," he teased. Then he crawled down, pulled back the tent flap, and entered.

Natsu followed him in, crawling on his hands and knees under the small tent. They had their bags set to the side and a single sleeping bag in the center. Gray waited, so Natsu climbed in first, settling into the snug wrapping. Then the covers pulled as Gray wiggled down inside the sleeping bag, curling around Natsu's body. Natsu shifted some more, fitting up against Gray's taller frame. He hated to admit it, but he fit good as the little spoon.

"Comfortable?" Gray asked, wrapping an arm around Natsu's waist and settling in against his back and ass.

"You're getting hard and poking me."

"It'll go away. Unless you wanna watch me jerk off before bed," he teased.

"Asshole," Natsu grumbled, although he felt a tingle in his pants thinking about it.

They went quiet, Gray wrapped around Natsu, Natsu feeling himself wrapped tightly by Gray's arms and the cocooning blanket.

"You're not mad?" Natsu suddenly asked.

With his eyes closed, Gray muttered, "Nope."

"I haven't done anything like that since we got together, I swear."

Gray chuckled sleepily. "Maybe I don't mind."

Natsu jolted, but he could not look around. "Huh?" he squeaked.

"Maybe … don't mind … you … watching." His words faded away into sleep.

Natsu smiled and snuggled into the strong embrace. "Pervy exhibitionist," he whispered. "I really do love you."

**Next Chapter: "Morning Love"**


	43. Morning Love

_"Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves."_  
_— Proverbs 7:18_

 

* * *

The next morning, Gray awoke to a pain in his groin. He was rigidly hard, almost to the point of bursting. Natsu's hot ass was pressed right against him, so tight he could feel his erection partially wedged between the crack. He hurt so bad, he felt like if Natsu shifted even a little, he might come in his pants.

"You awake?" Natsu asked, and Gray gasped. "You've been rutting against me for ten goddamn minutes. I really can't take more and still keep quiet."

"S-sorry," he cringed, pulling back, away from that burning body.

Natsu spun around in the sleeping bag so suddenly, it startled Gray. Then he rolled on top, the whole bag moving with him, and pinned Gray down.

"You were _rutting_ against my _ass_ ," he stated slower, and Natsu bore his groin down right against Gray's. "Isn't it only fair that I give back?"

Gray felt the swollen member sparking with pleasure so intense, it edged toward pain.

"You want my ass that badly, don't you?" Natsu teased with a sensual, feral smile.

"Natsu!" Gray cried. Natsu's hips were shifting, grinding their cocks together.

"And you called _me_ a pervert. I may have spied on you jerking off, and I may have kissed you when you were asleep, but at least I didn't try to rape you in the middle of the night."

"I wasn't … I didn't … I wasn't even awake, you jerk. Get off!"

"No," Natsu said coldly.

Gray's eyes widened in shock. Up until now, Natsu had asked permission for absolutely everything. Hearing him being forceful was … oddly arousing. Just then, Natsu stroked their cocks together at a different angle, and Gray arched up into it.

"Natsu, I'm … I'm really close, dammit."

"I should think so, considering how long you've been humping against my ass."

"No, I … I'm seriously … goddammit, Natsu, I'm gonna come!"

"Then do it," he ordered, thrusting mercilessly against him. "This is punishment."

His cheeks flushed. "But … my clothes—"

"Yes, like this." He kissed Gray's cheeks which had gone past pink and into a shade of maroon. "I'll wash your pants, Gray. Just come for me. Enjoy it."

"But … I…"

He paused and looked down in concern. "Should I really stop?"

Finally, he was asking. Gray felt some relief at hearing him showing that same concern, except now … he liked this too much. It was so dirty, making love first thing in the morning, about to come while still clothed, and Natsu taking him so forcefully, just like those erotic dreams of the Half-Dragon Prince.

"H-hold me down," he whispered.

Natsu raised an eyebrow. What the hell? Still, he pinned Gray's wrists down. "Are you a masochist?" he asked in surprise.

"No, just … let's just say I'm living out a dream." He could almost imagine his draconian prince above him.

"Whatever you want," Natsu smiled devilishly. "I just want to pleasure you." He began to frot against Gray again. "Seriously, you were going at my ass so vigorously, I thought for sure you were awake."

"How did you know I wasn't?"

"I called out to you. You frigging _snored_."

"You could have … _nngh_ … woken me." He began to sweat as he felt his toes drawing up.

"Yeah, I could have." Natsu paused and leaned down seductively. "I was really curious if you'd come in your sleep while humping my ass. I was already jerking myself off when I realized you had woken up."

"Y-you were?"

"Yeah. So … _uhn_ … I won't last long either," he warned.

Gray tensed up. "Natsu!"

"Yes, do it."

"N-no … clothes." He began to struggle against Natsu's hold.

Natsu looked confused. Thinking Gray must no longer like this, he began to loosen his grip on the wrists.

"No! Hold me. Like that," Gray shouted.

"But—"

"Natsu!" he howled.

Natsu gripped harder by instinct alone. Shit! Hearing Gray scream his name was too much. He yanked up hard for a few more desperate thrusts and groaned, feeling himself coming already.

"Dammit. Oh shit, Gray. Nnngh!"

"More! Close…" he hissed, feeling everything inside of him drawing up into a fiery ball in his lower gut.

Natsu kept his hips moving through the last of his orgasm, and he suddenly felt Gray's body arch up. Gray let out a long, tense grunt, riding out his high and feeling the fabric around his crotch dampen. Natsu smelled it more than felt it. The aroma was unmistakable. He shivered as the scents of both of them mingled with musk, sweat, and pine.

"Oh God, that's … oh God!" Gray gasped, collapsing backward onto his pillow.

Natsu finally unzipped the sleeping bag and tumbled off, collapsing face-up in the tent. The cold forest air hit them both hard down below. He listened to Gray panting wearily, and he felt his heart slowly settling back into a calm pulse.

Finally, Natsu glanced over. "Are your wrists okay?"

"Yeah," Gray sighed, collapsed and not moving. "Sorry 'bout that. Dream I used to have," he said in disjointed phrases. "You'd take me like that. Really hot. Damn, so hot!"

"I'd … take you?" Natsu asked in shock. Considering how Gray felt about gay sex, he had always assumed any wet dreams about the two of them would always be of Gray topping.

"Yeah, but you were like a dragon, and … forced. It'd be forced."

"I would never really force you," Natsu said, looking concerned.

Gray laughed and finally opened his eyes. "I know. Just a dream. Maybe I was dreaming that last night. I don't remember anymore."

"No, your dream was definitely about my ass."

Gray glanced over as Natsu curled up next to him. "Would you mind? You know, me in your ass?"

"No," Natsu smiled, stroking fingers through Gray's damp hair. "Would you mind? You know, me taking you?"

Gray hesitated, but then he looked aside in reluctance. "It's still something I have to think about."

"Did you at least like yesterday, with my finger up there?"

Gray's face went right back into a maroon shade. "It … was nice."

Natsu pouted. "It wasn't good, was it?"

"No! It was nice. I wasn't expecting it, is all. I … liked it, though. I've never had someone touch me there like that. It was just really weird, but … but it was nice."

Natsu grinned to hear he enjoyed it. "We'll go slow."

"Y-yeah," he muttered, turning his head away with guilt.

"Hey, don't look like that! We'll go at the pace we both want. We both wanted _this much_ , right?"

"Definitely!"

"And it was awesome. So we'll keep going at the pace that's good for us."

Gray looked over worriedly. "You don't mind?"

Natsu barked out a laugh. "Does it look like I mind hand jobs, blow jobs, and frotting? Hell no!" He stroked Gray's cheek. "This is wonderful! And I wanna figure out everything you like. I wanna know how to touch you, and how you want my mouth. I wanna know what drives you crazy, and what makes you melt. I don't mind figuring all of that out nice and slow." He leaned into Gray's ear and whispered sinfully, "I definitely don't mind sucking you off."

"Natsu!" he shouted. "Dammit, my cock is nowhere near ready for you to talk like that."

Natsu laughed and pulled back. "Let's clean up in the river. Gimme your pants. I promised to wash them."

Gray carefully pulled his pajama pants and underwear off and folded them so the cum would not spread around. Natsu did the same, less delicate and wiping himself clean with the fabric. They stepped out into the early morning air, both naked. Natsu shivered as the chill hit him right in the groin, and he let out some low flames to warm himself.

Gray walked up to him and rubbed the Dragon Slayer's bulky arms. "Are you all right?"

"Takes a moment to warm up, is all," he grumbled.

Gray gently hugged him and rubbed warmth into his limbs.

"Not really helping, Gray. It's like being hugged by a snowman."

"Screw you," Gray chuckled, and he still held Natsu in his arms.

Eventually, they walked away from their camp and to the nearby river to bathe. The water was frigid, but Gray hardly seemed to notice, and on Natsu's side the water began to steam with his body heat. They playfully splashed each other and grinned in the early morning light. Then, in the middle of the river, they began to kiss. Hands caressed wet skin, and they sought out each other's mouths, icy and fiery. They pulled back, their foreheads rested against each other, and they laughed softly, happy at this new closeness.

Finally, they climbed out and realized they would need to forage for food again. Gray offered to get some more mushrooms and berries. Natsu set out to wash the night clothes—these were the only pajamas he brought—and Gray left naked to hunt through the forest. Natsu watched his ass as he strode off and shook his head. That popcicle hardly even realized he had no clothes on!

Natsu diligently washed Gray's pants, but he paused to sniff them. He loved that smell! The smell of his lover, his mate! He hoped his own scent still carried Gray's smell when they returned home. He wanted Gajeel to smell for himself, they really were mates.

Suddenly, a voice screamed out through the forest, echoing through the trees until it reached the river.

"Natsu! Natsu, help me. Hurry. _Aaaaah!_ "

The scream was ladened with pain. Natsu turned sharply and raced out of the river, dropping the wet clothes onto the shore. He ran nude through the forest, swatting aside branches, leaping over fallen logs, and sniffing the air.

He knew this smell far too well.

Gray's blood!

"Gray!" he shrieked in horror.

"Ooooow! Natsu? Natsu, help. Uuugh … help me."

"I'm coming, Gray. Hold on. Shit!" he seethed.

The smell of blood was increasing. His sensitive ears picked up the ragged sound of struggling breaths punctuated by sharp, hissing gasps of pain.

Suddenly, it was like the whole forest exploded with a scream. Birds flew away from the sound of agony. Natsu's heart tripped on itself. Even during that horrific battle a year ago, Gray had not screamed like that.

"Gray!" he bellowed.

There was a low moan and a weak, fading voice no normal person would have heard from this distance, but the Dragon Slayer's ears were far sharper. "N-Natsu. Hurry. Hurts. It hurts so much. Oww." There was a long groan, then silence.

A thousand dreads filled Natsu's mind. He wished he could run faster. This was just like back then. During that fateful fight, Natsu had seen Gray getting hit over and over again, each shot potentially fatal, but he had been too busy fighting others and unable to reach Gray in time. Now, he was plunging recklessly through the forest, and it was like some nightmare, running and running yet getting nowhere.

Why this? Why now? Hadn't Gray been through enough? And just as things were so good!

He brushed aside a tear.

_'Gray doesn't deserve this!'_

Natsu raced frantically. He almost stumbled on a root, but he pushed himself straight up from the forest floor with a spinning flip and did not stop.

"Gray!" He looked one way, then another. He could smell the blood thickly now. His lungs burned, his heart was beating out of control, and he put a hand to his chest, hoping it did not act up on him, not now, not with Gray in trouble. "Gray, where are you?"

"Here," came a breathy groan.

The foliage was thick here, hiding everything. Natsu frantically shoved aside branches, hanging moss, and creeping vines, until finally he saw a shape on the ground. He gasped, and his eyes grew wider, taking in the horrific scene.

"Gray? Oh God."

A weak, blood-streaked hand raised out to him. "Natsu … help … me…"

**Next Chapter: "Left Behind"**


	44. Left Behind

_"Do you know what it feels like to be left behind?_  
_Losing everyone around you in such little time._  
_I try not to worry since they're left in the past,_  
_But it's hard going through life knowing nothing ever lasts."_  
_― Melanie S._

 

* * *

Natsu stared, frozen, gawking at the hand streaked in blood as it stretched out to him.

"Natsu," the weak voice called again. "Help. Hurts."

"What…" He stopped and blinked his eyes to make sure what he was seeing was real. "What happened? How? How did this … what the hell happened to you, Gray?"

"Mis- … _ugh_ … miscalculated. Idiot mistake." He moaned in pain. "Please. It … hurts."

Natsu frowned, but slowly a smile struggled up. "This really is an idiot's mistake. What … the … hell!" He began to laugh.

Gray glared in fury. "You asshole! I'm in agony here."

Still, Natsu could not help but laugh. He had feared a thousand things in his mad-dashed race through the forest. He had dreaded enemies, wild animals, hunters, seeing that nightmare all over again.

Instead, Gray had apparently fallen into a thorny blackberry patch. Natsu saw another ice basket dropped in the fall with berries Gray had been picking. He merely lost his balance and toppled over into the bushes.

"Natsu, I'm serious," Gray moaned. "This really hurts. I have a thorn in my ass and I fell face-down at first so … dammit, a thorn got me in the balls and cock."

Natsu laughed even harder. All of his dread melted away. Although he still smelled the blood, Gray was safe. He would not die from just this. He felt the tension flowing away with his laughs.

"Natsu!" Gray bellowed.

"Sorry, sorry, just … I thought … nothing," he muttered, not wanting to mention his dread that Gray might get killed. "Take my hand. We'll go slowly so you don't get scratched by anything more."

They gripped hands, and Natsu eased Gray up. As he lifted, Gray screamed in serious pain. Although Natsu had laughed, he saw that the damage was significant. Gray had fallen face-first, cutting up his cheek, chest, thighs, and blood dripped from his limp cock. Natsu had to cringe at that, unable to imagine the pain of a long thorn stabbing him there. Then apparently, driven by pain, he had made a frantic attempt to flip around and get up. That caused long scratches across his limbs and torso, which were now dripping blood all across his skin. Being unable to extract himself without more injury, he had collapsed back into the bush, and his back was pocked with bleeding holes from long berry thorns.

"You're a mess," Natsu grumbled. No wonder he had smelled blood so potently. Gray was bleeding across most of his body.

Gray was on his feet, but he pointed to the basket. "Berries," he said, and that was all.

"We can eat later," Natsu assured him.

"No! I got injured for those damn berries. I'm not leaving them for birds and squirrels."

Natsu shook his head at such stubbornness, but he fetched the basket. Gray limped along with one arm around Natsu. He walked oddly with that injury to his groin. When Natsu looked down and saw a droplet of blood hanging from the tip of Gray's manhood, he flinched. Now he felt bad for laughing. Gray was seriously injured, and if any of these got infected, especially _that area_ , it could be really bad for him.

Before they reached the camp, Gray began to slump. He was pale, sweating, and barely dragging his feet. Instantly, Natsu grabbed him up into his arms and began to carry him, able to walk faster this way.

"Hey!" Gray cried out.

"This isn't for you, it's for me. I seriously hate the smell of your blood," Natsu said, edging toward anger as fears began to renew.

Gray barely had the strength to protest, and he honestly was glad he did not have to move anymore. The pain was growing, and he was beginning to feel nauseous. He leaned his head into Natsu's chest. It felt weird without the white muffler. Natsu had run off so suddenly, he left the scarf by the river. Gray looked at the ragged neck scar, fixating on it to focus his mind off from the pain.

"I hate relying on you. You know that?" he said, panting with the hundreds of burning stabs and scratches aching his nerves. "I hate it when you have to pull me up when I fall."

Natsu smirked at the stubborn pride. "The feeling's mutual. Do you think I like it when a freaking snowman has to rescue a dragon. It's an insult!"

Gray smiled privately at hearing that. Indeed, how many times had he saved Natsu's life? This was only fair.

He was also secretly proud that his feisty boyfriend was strong enough to carry him.

Natsu returned to the river. "Can you stand?"

"That much, yes," Gray assured.

Natsu carefully set him back on his feet right on the shore. "Wash off as much blood as you can. Don't do anything stupid! I'm gonna fetch the medical kit." Then Natsu turned and ran back into the trees.

Gray sighed. What a horrible way to ruin what was such a good trip so far!

And what was with that idiot _laughing_ at him?

He eased into the water and hissed as the flowing stream irritated his wounds. They were small, but they were all over him. He watched the river in front of him turning dark with the blood.

Gray stared in shock. Was he bleeding that badly? He looked down and saw that, indeed, he had blood all over him. He thought about that day, that fateful fight, and he suddenly found himself barely able to breathe. He had laid in a puddle of his own blood, but he did not really have to _see_ it. The others did. The others must have heard his screams and saw the blood.

_I seriously hate the smell of your blood._

Gray stared at the red-tainted water flowing away from him.

Had Natsu been fearing the same tragedy? Was that why he laughed when he saw it was nothing more than a stupid thorn bush? He had been out of breath when he arrived. Just how frantically had he run to reach Gray in such a short amount of time?

"Gray?"

He gasped. How long since he last breathed? He had not even heard Natsu returning, although he now stood waist-deep in the river alongside Gray.

Natsu's eyes were tight with concern, but he said nothing. He saw for himself, Gray had been staring at the bloody river. It was only natural that he was remembering _back then_ and got lost in some dark memory. He held the ice wizard's arm now, as if he could pull him back to the present. Gray was shaking, but Natsu did nothing that might damage the ice wizard's pride. He just stood there and tried not to touch any of the cuts.

"Let's wash you up," he whispered.

He went back to the shore where he dropped off some supplies. Gray immediately missed the warm comfort beside him. The pain had seemed to go away just by having that hot body nearby. Natsu got a small towel and returned into the river. He carefully washed all the cuts, including some to Gray's neck, ears, and face. So many tiny cuts! He then washed himself, since his torso still had Gray's streaked blood. Then they both came out of the river, with Natsu slowly helping Gray as he limped.

"Sorry," he hissed. "It's that cut to my balls."

Natsu teased lightly, "Good thing we got our fun in first."

Gray laughed through the stinging pain and felt his cheeks blush. "Yeah … good thing."

Natsu took a clean towel and began to dab disinfectant on every single cut, starting with Gray's face and working down to his feet. Some spots stung worse, some deep punctures refused to stop bleeding, and Natsu had to keep using the wet towel to wipe dripping blood.

"You'll be a mummy if I wrap every single one of them," he muttered. "We don't have enough bandages."

"Just get the worst ones," Gray muttered. "We'll stop in the next town and see about more bandages."

Natsu said nothing, but he had a bad feeling already that Gray was in no condition to walk all the way to the job site, let alone fight. Even a slight touch of the disinfecting towel to his injured manhood sent Gray howling in pain. One deep puncture on his back in particular refused to stop bleeding, even after Natsu held pressure on it for over a minute.

He used their supply of bandages to get most of the big cuts. Natsu climbed a tree to get some bird eggs and cooked them up with his fire. They ate eggs and berries for breakfast. Then Natsu hurriedly packed up the camp while Gray attempted to relieve nature without causing himself too much pain. By the time he returned to the site, the fire was out, the tent was down, and Natsu had both his own pack and Gray's on his back. The ice wizard glowered, but he did not complain. He was still having problems just walking without breaking into a sweat from the genital pain.

They returned to the main road and began to set out. Their pace was a crawl, with Natsu stopping frequently while Gray breathed hard and tried to pretend he was not reaching down to rub the stinging pain in his balls. After an hour, they heard a cart rattling toward them, and Natsu flagged it down. He asked the old farmer for a ride, which the man kindly offered. Then he helped Gray to the back of the farm wagon.

"Natsu!" Gray cried out in protest. "You'll get sick."

"You're one to talk! You look ready to pass out. I can manage."

Yet as soon as the wagon started up, Natsu's face went green. He struggled hard not to let it show, but Gray rubbed his back in comfort.

"You're an idiot," he whispered to the nauseous Dragon Slayer.

"Back at … _urk_ … you," he muttered, holding a hand to his mouth.

On the cart, it took only two hours to get to a city. The farmer pulled over in front of a hotel for them. Natsu gladly got off the cart and thanked the old man. Then he helped Gray into the hotel.

"I don't need to rest," Gray argued. "If we stop here, we won't make it to the client by the time we promised."

"If you keep walking at the pace you're going, we won't make it before the year is over," Natsu argued back. "Shut up and take care of yourself. One room," he ordered.

He paid, and they were shown up to a room. It was a modest place, a single bed, a private bathroom, a fireplace, and a window overlooking the avenue that was busy with an upcoming harvest festival.

"Rest," Natsu insisted. "I'll buy some bandages. One of the wounds is still bleeding through."

Gray did not protest lying on the bed. It felt good, and after Natsu left he stripped his clothes off. He glanced down at his cock. As much as he was trying not to make a big deal of some stupid scratches, that one hurt the worst of all. His entire groin had swollen with the irritation of walking. Damn, it _really_ hurt!

He then saw blood on the shirt he had thrown off. He picked the clothing back up. On the back was the brown color of dried blood. He tried to reach behind him, but he could not feel where it might be.

Still, he figured he should lie face-down, if his back was bleeding. When he tried, the pressure on his groin almost made him scream. He finally found some comfort lying on his side.

"This sucks," he grumbled, glaring into the shadows of the quiet room.

It felt like hours before Natsu returned, although the shadows had not moved much. He had a new bottle of disinfectant and a large roll of bandages. He had Gray sit in the bathroom so he could clean all the wounds again. When he got down to the swollen penis, Natsu's face tensed. That … looked bad!

He still said nothing until everything was cleaned out and fresh bandages were on. The smaller cuts were already scabbed and would be fine in a day. It was the long gashes and deep stabs that were a problem.

Gray limped back to the bed and collapsed, glad to be lying on his back where it was more comfortable. He heard Natsu cleaning up and stared at a rotating ceiling fan stirring the early autumn heat.

"If we stay the night, we could take the train," Gray said. "I know you hate that, but there's a station in this town."

Natsu walked over and laid in bed beside him, combing back Gray's raven hair. "No, I can make it there in time."

"No offense, but I can't walk fast," Gray admitted.

Natsu smiled sadly. "I know. That's why you're staying here."

Gray's eyes shifted over to him in alarm. _Staying?_ "I can do the mission," he protested, but Natsu simply shook his head. "No! Natsu, this is _our_ mission. We planned to do this together—"

Natsu put a finger over his lips, hushing him. "I asked you to come because I wanted to go camping. The camping part was wonderful, so you don't need to worry about the rest. I'll make good time on my own. I'll do the mission, come back here, and we'll head back together." He smiled and laid his head down beside Gray's on the pillow, resting the edge of his face against the scratched-up shoulder. "We'll get to spend another night under the stars on our way home. I'd like that."

"Natsu!"

"Gray," he snapped, sitting up and sharply glaring down. "You're hurt. You're bleeding. Your cock looks like you've been stung by a bee. Call me greedy, but I want your cock to heal so I can suck it again."

Gray's face instantly turned crimson and he stuttered out spitted words before he was able to shout over the shock of Natsu's bluntness. "I can fight! They're stupid thorn scratches, they're not going to—"

"Will you shut up and take care of yourself?" screamed Natsu.

Gray's mouth snapped shut. Why was Natsu so mad? He had expected snarky remarks about his stubbornness, not angry shouting.

Natsu turned his face aside, and his gaze landed on the legs. A year ago, Gray could not even stand on those two legs, bound to a wheelchair, going through surgeries to repair his organs, sometimes barely clinging on to life, depressed and fatalistic with the grim prospect of life as an invalid. It felt like another lifetime ago, and yet at times it felt like only a few weeks had passed.

"Please," Natsu added softly, and his fists drew up. "For me. Please. Stay here, rest, heal your wounds, and I'll come back in a few days. Just … I can't take seeing you in pain, even just scratches."

Gray flopped back onto his pillows and sighed. He still felt this was ridiculous, but if it was mentally agonizing to Natsu, how could he force the matter?

"I didn't bring enough money for more than two nights," he muttered as one final attempt to argue against him.

Natsu smiled that at least he was not blatantly refusing. "I'll take care of it. A city of this size, I can find a quick job. Rest here."

Natsu leaned over and kissed Gray on the forehead. Then he got up, straightened out his scarf, and left the room with a quick wave.

Gray let out a long sigh. Lying there made the wounds on his back burn and itch. It was such a light ache, but it was _everywhere_. Moving even slightly made the wounds on his genitals flash with pain. He was confined to just look up at the ceiling.

He closed his eyes, angry at his clumsiness. Slowly, he drifted off into sleep.

* * *

_There was a darkness in front of him and fire behind. Gray stood between the two. Although the fire was threatening, he felt it was safer. That darkness, though … that was dangerous. He feared it. Like clouds of bubbling evilness, it loomed before him._

_The darkness was coming for him. The bubbling clouds were stretching forward. Gray could not move. His legs refused to work. He looked down, and they were not his legs. They were made of wood with ugly metal braces on them. He could not escape the darkness reaching closer and closer._

_Then the fire washed over him. He felt the wooden legs burn, and as the char broke away, the braces fell to the side, and his own legs were freed._

_The fire passed him and stood in front of him. It was a living flame, burning too brightly to look at directly. Light faced the Dark._

_"I seriously hate the smell of your blood."_

_Gray stared at the flame in confusion. Suddenly, the darkness surged at them both. The fiery spirit burned strong, but the dark was pressing it in. The flame shrank. Gray watched it diminish, and he knew that flame would go out._

_"No!" he shouted in terror._

_The flame turned, and he saw narrow eyes amidst the fire. "I will do anything—anything—to help you."_

_"I don't want that," Gray cried out._

_The flame was dimming. "I'll give anything…"_

_"No, you bastard," Gray screamed. He felt the chill swirling around him as his emotions gave power to his magic. "I hate relying on you. You know that? I hate it when you have to pull me up when I fall."_

_He stomped in front of the flame._

_"Who said you're allowed to sacrifice yourself for me?" he sneered._

_It was scary to face the darkness._

_He shivered in fear of it._

_But he could not let that flame go out._

_He couldn't survive without that fire._

_The darkness was almost on him. Gray cringed and braced himself._

_The flame was all around him once again. He opened his eyes, and it was burning the dark. However, the darkness was devouring the flame. It was burning away, but it was taking the flame with it. The warmth was fading far too quickly.  
_

_"Noooo!" Gray shrieked._

_Those eyes looked back at him again. "I can't take seeing you in pain."_

_"No! Natsu," he cried out in grief._

_"You're safe. I'm … glad you're safe." The flame began to sputter out._

_Gray reached toward it. Although the flame burned him, he tried to grab hold. "Don't you dare leave me," he cried out._

_Suddenly, the flame was gone. The world around him instantly iced over into a wasteland of crystallized frost. Gray looked around in horror. It was the frozen sunflower fields again, with the ice castle rebuilt, waiting to lock him away, freeze over his heart, and shut him out from the world._

_"No," he shivered, dreading this prison dimension of bitter loneliness. "No, I can't go back to this. I won't!"_

_He wanted his dragon prince. He wanted the man he loved. The flame burned, but only in his heart now. Never again would it warm his embrace and sear his skin. All around was frozen._

_His head flew up into the stormy sky as he screamed into the echoing emptiness. "Natsuuuu!"_

* * *

Gray bolted up in bed, panting hard, shaking from the strange nightmare. He rubbed his arms, and the pain from the cuts shoved the dream aside.

What the hell sort of dream was that, anyway?

The sun was setting, and the room had grown stuffy. Gray cringed just to move. The wounds had scabbed and now his whole body felt like it was a crinkling paper bag. Somehow, they hurt even worse now, and his skin was flushed red around the deeper punctures.

On the nightstand by the bed, he saw a folded piece of paper with GRAY scrawled across it. He took it, folded it, and tried to decipher the writing.

Although the spelling was off in places and the grammar was questionable, Gray got the gist of it. Natsu did some minor jobs around town, and he paid the hotel enough money to cover until he returned. He did not want to wake Gray or have him argue, so he left.

"Idiot, going off and doing things on his own," Gray grumbled, but he realized that was the way Natsu was.

Then the dream returned to him. His flame! And it had been fading away, stolen from him by evil darkness. Gray shivered at the auspicious vision.

"Be safe and don't do anything stupid, you idiot," he muttered.

Then he saw something that had been under the letter. He picked it up and laughed. It was a piece of candy from his favorite chocolate makers. Under it was another note, written far messier than the first, as if added as an afterthought.

" _I know you like these candies, and I wanna cheer you up. I promise not to destroy anything. Try to heal up, especially **down there**. By the way, you were really damn hot this morning. I wanna wake up like that more often. Love ya, princess! _—_ Natsu_"

Gray felt heat in his cheeks. "Idiot," he mumbled. Even without Natsu there, he felt a bit embarrassed to read a message like that.

He opened the candy wrapper and bit into the chocolate. It melted over his tongue, and he groaned in pleasure. It was sweet of Natsu to get him something. And a promise not to destroy anything? Well, he would hold Natsu to that promise. Heal up _down there_? Seriously, what was that idiot thinking?

Of course he was thinking about more intimate moments.

And Gray realized, he wanted that too. He wanted his warm flame to burn beside him in bed. He wanted those hot touches and fiery mouth. He wanted Natsu more now than ever before.

"Hurry back," he smiled to himself.

**Next Chapter: "Kiss of Fire"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I've been good at updating every weekend, but now there's a problem. I don't have the next chapter done, and in a few days I'm leaving on vacation. It's my wedding anniversary, and we're having a very romantic week together, first hiking around America's deepest lake, then a few days on the coast. So not only will I be sipping champagne in my oceanfront hotel suite this time next week, I will also need time to actually write once I come home._
> 
> _That means I need two weeks off. I know you're not happy, but this is a special trip for me. And hey, at least I didn't leave you with that cliffhanger last week. (I was tempted to. I was very, VERY tempted to be that cruel!)_
> 
> _Hopefully, I'll return filled with lots of romantic ideas to inspire more chapters! Next chapter will be sweet, I promise!_


	45. Kiss of Fire

_"I know that I must have your kiss although it dooms me,_  
_Though it consumes me, your kiss of fire._  
_I can't resist you, what good is there in trying?_  
_What good is there denying you're all that I desire?"_  
_―[Louis Armstrong, "Kiss of Fire"](https://youtu.be/ZAMpxy1EAc8)_

 

* * *

Natsu burst through the hotel room door. "Hey asshole, I'm—"

He heard the sound of a racking shotgun and crossed his eyes as an icy muzzle was pointed right at his face. On the other end of the barrel, frosty magic still swirled as Gray had formed an Ice-Make Shotgun instantaneously.

"Hi, Gray," he grinned nervously, delicately pushing the muzzle out of his face. "Uh, I'm back."

The ice gun evaporated in glowing sparkles, and Gray sank out of his defensive posture. "Natsu!" he sighed in annoyance. "Dammit, can't you knock? Don't just burst in like that. I could've shot you! I didn't know you were coming back so soon."

Natsu pouted and whined as he dropped his pack to the ground, "So soon? I've been gone _forever_."

Gray frowned that he had snapped so quickly. It really had been a while, many days since the Dragon Slayer took off, leaving him to heal. "Sorry. Bored, been hurting, stuck in this room with nothing to do, getting on edge…" He reached forward and lightly rubbed Natsu's arm, feeling the warmth of his skin. Softly, he muttered, "I was wondering when you'd be back."

Natsu shivered at the cold touches that tingled him. "I tried to hurry." He let his fingers drift over Gray's cheek and saw one of the scabs still prickling his flesh. "I'm sorry I left you here."

"It's fine," Gray shrugged, ignoring the anger and frustration he had initially felt at being left alone.

Natsu touched a bigger scab on Gray's arm, one he recalled had been bleeding profusely the day of the injury. It likely would not scar, but the wound was still healing. "Are you feeling okay?"

"More or less. Better," Gray assured him. He looked down as Natsu rubbed next to a cut on his bicep. That one made him hiss and pull back in pain. "A couple of the scratches got infected."

Natsu jolted and looked up in dread. Infected? And he had left him alone! "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," he assured.

Still, Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray, hugging him gently. Gray hummed at the all-encompassing warmth and feeling Natsu resting against his shoulder, cuddling into him. He smiled as he stroked through the soft hair and kissed Natsu's forehead.

He had plenty of time sitting alone in this room to think about that camping trip, their nervous touches, the rougher desperation, and the feel of Natsu's body against him. He had fantasied about this body and the pleasure it could bring him. He also liked gentle moments like this, hugging each other after being apart for a few days, both of them needing that simple connection.

"I missed you," Natsu sighed, inhaling Gray's shirt and the snowy-forest smell.

"Yeah, same here."

Natsu pulled back enough to look up, and Gray saw the silent desire in those eyes. Clandestine touches and gentle hugging just weren't enough! For Gray as well, memories of fantasies, of lonely nights in this hotel room pretending it was Natsu's hand on him, all flooded back. Desires had built up, and Gray no longer cared about those silly fears that had frozen him in the past.

He grabbed Natsu into a rough grasp and held him tightly up against his body, gazing down with stormy passion.

"Missed you!" he snarled.

Their lips collided, and Gray held Natsu's face in a possessive grip, wanting everything, those lips, that tongue, the taste of his mouth, _everything!_

Natsu gasped as Gray kissed him with aggression he had not seen before. This wilder side enthralled the Dragon Slayer and brought up deep instincts. He grabbed Gray's ass in a hold that would leave bruises, and he bit Gray's lip with a playful sneer.

Gray pulled back at the bite and tasted a drop of blood in his mouth. Such a wild dragon! He grabbed Natsu by the hair, kissing and pulling harshly until the Dragon Slayer moaned in a shudder of painful pleasure.

"Missed you so much!" he growled. Gray yanked Natsu's hair, forcing his head back, and attacked his throat, diving under the folds of the white muffler to mark him.

"Gray!" Natsu cried out. If he kept this up, Natsu would really lose control.

Gray pulled back, panting hard, and saw the blood-speckled mark on Natsu's neck. His dragon! Natsu's eyes burned as they gazed up at him, wild, untameable … perfect!

"Damn, I'm addicted to you!" Gray accused.

He grabbed Natsu and tossed him onto the bed. The Dragon Slayer yelped, but before he could even stop bouncing on the mattress, Gray pounced on top. His hands instantly slid under Natsu's shirt, thrusting the clothes up to his neck. He probably could have stripped him in two seconds, but the muffler was in the way.

He grabbed Natsu around the waist and lifted his torso slightly, kissing his stomach and up to his chest. Natsu threw a hand over his mouth, trying desperately to hold back cries as those freezing hands stroked him everywhere. He had wanted Gray to act this way for so long. It took being apart to finally crumble the ice around his heart.

"Gray … that's so … nngh!"

Lips surged up and silenced him, and Gray's hips thrust up against him. Natsu clawed into his back, wanting him, craving him, the wild dragon within him roaring as Gray rocked his body and caressed with cold hands. Gray wanted Natsu, wanted him badly, fuck everything else that ever made him hesitate, he just _wanted_ him!

When he pulled back, he saw Natsu as a disheveled mess, his hair sticking out from being aggressively yanked, his lips wet and swollen, the bruise on his neck darkening, and his clothes half off already. He felt the arousals between them, both of them desperate and craving.

Then his head cleared. He had been truly forceful, and it shocked him. He never acted this wild around a partner.

"S-sorry. I lost control."

Natsu panted and looked up with a grin. "Heh! I don't mind."

Still, Gray felt ashamed at attacking him like that. Natsu had just come back, he had mud on his clothes, he was probably tired and hungry.

"You … um … wanna get lunch or something?"

Natsu blinked. Was it over? That was it? Blankly, he answered, "I ate."

Gray nodded, and he climbed off the bed, running his hand through his hair. He really lost control there. He hoped it was not too forceful. They had agreed to take things slowly, but Gray's body wanted so much more now. He needed to calm down or he would do something that could go beyond what Natsu was ready to try.

"How'd it go?" he asked, trying to sound casual and not sexually frustrated.

Natsu sat up and pushed his clothes back into place. "Eh. It was a mission," he shrugged casually. "Not all that hard, just … lonely." He laughed softly and admitted, "I'm not used to doing a mission on my own."

Lonely? Gray looked back with a sad expression. "Sorry." He had gotten hurt and Natsu was forced to go on alone, without even Happy to cheer him up.

"Hey, I wanted you to heal up. I was worried."

Gray scoffed at his concern. "They're just thorn scratches."

"Yeah," he muttered, but he still remembered how terrified he had been to hear Gray's shrieks through the woods and not being able to find him for some time. "I was still worried. I'm always worrying over you."

Gray realized he was right. Natsu had been acting overprotective for months. "You don't have to be."

"I know," he grinned to himself. "I know just how strong you are." He stood and walked over to Gray, caressing the bulky muscles in his arms. Then his hand drifted down his torso and came to rest over the area where he once had to reach into Gray's guts and cauterize arteries to keep him from bleeding to death. Now, there was not even a scar. It had healed perfectly. Distantly, he whispered, "I also know the smallest thing can bring a person down."

"Natsu…" Gray said softly.

He knew where the Dragon Slayer was touching. He still remembered the pain that used to spike through there, pain so intense he would wake up vomiting blood. Remembering those months was hard on Gray; it was like one big, long nightmare that all went away the day Natsu found the healing machine. Although he was better than ever, he too often saw Natsu gazing at areas that had been injured, as if the magic that healed him would suddenly reverse and all those old wounds would rip apart all at once. (They had been assured that was impossible.)

He picked up Natsu's roaming hand, pulled it up, and kissed his fingers. "I fell into some _berry bushes_. Come on!" he said with a scoff to reassure him that he was fine, safe, and the injury had been truly minor.

"Y-yeah," Natsu muttered, blushing at being caught in recalling that nightmare, the helplessness of watching Gray being shot to the point of death and not being able to get to him in time. He just wanted to protect Gray now, but he knew he might get obsessed over it. Then he looked down and saw his road-weary clothes. "Um, I should clean up. I hit a few bad puddles on the way. Got some mud on me."

Gray let go of his hand and backed up. "Oh. Yeah … um … shower's free."

Natsu started to leave. Gray's eyes drifted down, watching his ass as he walked away.

"Ah! Um…" He stopped awkwardly.

Natsu spun around with abetted eagerness. "What?"

Tension tingled the air as their eyes both craved more, but their hearts trembled at going another step farther in their relationship. Gray gulped before stuttering, "C-can … can I … um…"

"Yes," Natsu blurted out breathlessly. Gray startled at the sudden answer, and Natsu blushed as he dropped his gaze. "You want to scrub my back, right?"

He swallowed hard. "Uh … y-yeah."

Green eyes flicked up, and Natsu's smile showed that he knew damn well that this was about much more than scrubbing his back. With a playful smirk, he repeated, "Yes."

Gray flinched as his cock reacted to that feral smile.

Then Natsu chuckled slyly as he turned to leave. "Don't keep me waiting, ice princess."

"Ah! Um, coming!" Gray raced after him, flinging his clothes off as he went.

Natsu waited until he was in the hotel's bathroom before removing his clothes. They really were covered in mud, sweat, and green plant marks from skidding over grass during a fight on the mission. He neatly folded his muffler and placed it to the side, away from the dirty clothes. As he looked in the mirror over the sink, he saw the oval mark on his neck. Lightly touching it still hurt. Gray really went rough with that, and Natsu _loved_ it!

"I'll set the water," Gray offered.

Natsu rushed over. "You'll set it too cold." He turned on the shower and fiddled with the knobs. "There, that's a good temperature."

Gray reached into the cascading water. "Oww! You call that _good_? I'm not scrubbing your back if it's that scalding."

"Oh, come on! It's my bath."

Gray reset it and nodded in approval. Then he turned the shower head onto Natsu's skin.

"Ack! That's cold! What the hell are you doing?" the Fire Dragon Slayer screamed.

Gray laughed at the old sense of rivalry. He kissed Natsu's shoulder in apology. "Missed you."

Natsu still tried to glare, but he could not be angry. "Missed you too."

"We should both agree on a temperature."

Natsu nodded and turned the heat back on. "Is this good?"

Gray felt the water. "Too hot. Here." He adjusted the knobs again.

"That's cold!" Natsu cried out.

Gray huffed in frustration. "How are we going to do this?" he grumbled. He really wanted to shower with Natsu, but how when they could not agree on a temperature? He slowly edged the water hotter and hotter. "Here. I can handle this."

Natsu reached in and found the shower just on the side of comfortably warm. "Yeah, that's fine. So … um…"

Gray stepped in and let the shower drench his hair. Natsu gulped as Gray stroked his fingers over his scalp, smoothing back his raven hair. He looked so damn sexy with his hair slicked like that. Natsu was stunned by the sight of Gray's toned body and rivulets of water streaming over his muscles. Then a hand reached out to him, and Gray smiled invitingly. Natsu hesitantly took the chilly fingers and was pulled into the water. The magnetic glass shower door clinked closed behind him, and steam quickly built up. They stood, bodies touching, and gazed silently at each other as the water rained down. Natsu's eyes drifted across all of Gray's body, and his heart raced with desire.

"Turn around," Gray said softly. "I'll get your back."

It took Natsu a moment for his brain to work again, but he turned around facing the shower's glass door. He jolted at first when he felt the sponge on his skin, but as Gray rubbed the soap around, he slowly relaxed. Days of traveling melted away. The ache in his muscles from walking for so long eased with the relaxing scrub. Gray was diligent and thorough, scrubbing up into Natsu's neck, down his shoulders, all across his back, and down to his buttocks.

"Mmh, that feels good," he hummed.

Natsu felt a tug and turned. Gray continued to wash his front, sometimes using the sponge, sometimes soaping up his hands and touching directly. Natsu shivered at the touches, the water, and once in a while he felt Gray's erection brushing against him.

"Ah!" he cried out as that turgid fleshiness stroked his own. He blindly grabbed forward, just needing to hold something, but Gray hissed in pain and yanked back. When Natsu opened his eyes, he saw Gray grabbing one of the scabs.

Sadly, Natsu asked, "Your wounds aren't healed?"

"Most of them are," he frowned, rubbing out the ache. "The deeper ones might take a few more days."

Natsu eased forward to where he had grabbed. It was one of the deep punctures, and by the inflammation still around the skin, it must have been one of the wounds that got infected. He kissed it gently. Then he saw another long scratch still healing, and he kissed that one. With Gray now naked, he saw just how many of the thorn stabs and scratches were still healing. He began to kiss each one he found, working down.

"Natsu!" Gray gasped.

"I'm just kissing them," he smiled playfully. He kept working down, kissing wounds to Gray's thighs and did not stop until he reached the knees. Gray's lower legs had managed not to hit the thorns as hard. Then he remembered the truly horrible wounds, a scratch to the sensitive skin of the penis and a thorn that had stabbed Gray in the balls. "What about down there?" he asked, gazing up right in front of Gray's crotch.

He gave a disappointed sigh. "Honestly?"

"Hurts?" Natsu asked in concern.

Gray shrugged but nodded. "A lot." It had plagued him while being alone, having desires but being unable to pleasure himself without those wounds stinging.

Natsu raised back up. "All right then. I won't touch there."

Gray wished he _would_. Natsu's blow job before had been incredible, and he had thought so much about that fiery mouth. Now, they were both aroused, and Gray did not want to waste the opportunity. He reached down with a soap-filled hand but paused at Natsu's groin, looking deeply at him.

"Can I … to you?"

Natsu blinked and stuttered out, "Y-yeah."

Suddenly that hand was on him, stroking Natsu, easing past the disappointment of his injury. A guttural moan shuddered out, and Natsu collapsed back so hard, the glass door popped open.

Gray laughed, pulled Natsu before he fell out of the shower, and practically slammed him against the shower tiles. He shut the magnetic door and turned back around, smiling cunningly as he reached down again, letting his soapy hand stroke the full length of Natsu's erection.

"Is it all right like this?" he asked in a low, sensual voice.

Natsu bit his lip and nodded fervently. "Mh!"

He leaned into his ear and whispered, "Is this how you like it?" Then he gave a slight twist on the top before thrusting back down.

"Ah! Gray!"

"You get so hard so quickly for me," he said slyly. "Or were you waiting for this? You wanted it. Wanted me to do … this." His fingers stroked down, cupping his balls and tugging softly, before gripping the shaft again and stroking up.

"Do you blame me?" Natsu scoffed breathlessly. Of course he wanted it! The moment he walked into this hotel, he wanted to get Gray into the shower. The fun in the forest was not enough. He needed more!

Gray's other hand stroked up the sudsy body, rubbing circles around his pectorals, before lightly pinching his nipples. Natsu cried out and grabbed Gray hard, only to immediately let go in worry.

"Sorry!" he cried out, afraid he might reopen a wound.

"Shh," Gray smiled, not caring if those hot fingers hurt him, so long as he could figure out how to best please Natsu. He tipped his chin up, seeing the flush in his wet cheeks and hazy lust in his eyes. So beautiful!

He leaned in, pressing Natsu tight against the tile, frotting up against him, letting water wash away the soap. When Natsu did hit a deep thorn stab, Gray grabbed the hand and moved it down.

"There," he said between battling lips.

Natsu grasped on to him wherever it did not hurt. He just needed to cling onto Gray, feel him, love him, keep him close and safe. When their lips parted, he knew he probably had drool sliding down his chin, but the shower washed it away. He felt boneless and limp, defeated by those incredible touches.

"Gray," he whispered. He was willing to do anything, anything at all, just to have this feeling last.

To his surprise, Gray dropped to a knee and kissed right where Natsu's thigh met his hip, glancing up from beside the arousal. "Can I?" he asked, rubbing his cheek against the erection.

A request like that stunned Natsu. "Y- … you want to?"

He leaned forward and kissed the flared head softly. "Yeah. I wanna."

Natsu gulped, but nodded. "O- … k-kay," he choked out.

Gray took the base in his hand, stroking lightly, and looked at the head. "I've never done this before. Let me know if I'm doing it right or if you need it differently."

"Y-yeah," he shivered. Gray actually wanted this! Natsu honestly did not think Gray would ever agree to giving head.

"All right," Gray said with determination. "Let's try it."

Natsu felt soft lips on him, the lapping of a tongue, and then wet heat all around him. His hands clung to the tiles as his knees instantly went weak. Gray's mouth moved back and forth slowly, testing it out, experimenting with something he honestly never thought he would do in his life.

"Nngh! Ah!"

He pulled back and looked up. "Is that all right?"

"Mmh-hmm. R-really good. Don't stop!" Natsu whimpered.

Gray smirked and licked around his glans again before diving down until the cock hit the back of his throat. That was less than comfortable, but the squelched cry from Natsu was utter heaven. He tried it again, slower this time, pressing until he really thought he might gag, then slowly pulling back to the head.

"Agh! Sh-shit!" Natsu trembled. Gray only did that twice. Then he bobbed back and forth normally and stroked with his hand to cover the rest. Natsu's whole body heated up, and he felt like air was scarce in this shower. He looked down, but that almost undid him. Gray on his knees, those lips taking him in, his hand stroking his base … it was too much!

Gray pulled back and kept stroking as he gulped saliva tainted with pre-cum. "Hey."

Natsu snapped out of his reverie. "Huh? W-what?"

He smiled seductively. "You could do a little back, y'know."

Natsu blinked. "Do what?"

Gray leaned forward and licked up the shaft. "Use me."

Now Natsu was really confused. "Use … you?"

He rolled his eyes. "Do I have to spell it out? Rock into me. Use my mouth."

Natsu realized what he meant. "But … I could hurt you."

He laughed arrogantly. "Not likely." He liked the ticked-off look in Natsu's eyes at that light insult. "Go on. Try it."

Natsu hesitated. Rather early on with Rei-chan, they had tried something like that, and Natsu got too aggressive. She never let him try face-fucking after that, focusing instead of curbing that blindly aggressive side. He did not want to hurt Gray, definitely not like that.

Gray kissed his tip and let his lips rest on him, waiting and more than eager. "Try it," he urged. He direly wanted to feel that same aggression Natsu showed in the tent the morning they woke up together. He wanted to let him go wild, just like that time.

Natsu hesitated, reached down, and held Gray's head, that way he would know where he needed to stop. He went slowly, thrusting his hips forward, plunging only halfway into that wet heat, and then pulling back, feeling the suction. That seemed okay, and Gray glanced up, encouraging him with his eyes. So he tried again, but this time when he pulled back, Gray sucked hard, hollowing his cheeks. Natsu felt that suction wanting to pull him back in. He instantly thrust harder, heard a slight choke, and yanked his hips back in dread.

"Oh God!" he shuddered, emotionally overwhelmed. It was so intense, and he wondered if it was true that oral sex really did feel just the same or even better than regular sex. Blushing, he realized why people called it _face-fucking_.

"You were just getting into it. Go on," Gray urged. He licked Natsu again and took the tip into his mouth, looking up and waiting for him.

"Gray," Natsu protested, truly worried about hurting him.

"Then how about we meet in the middle," Gray decided. "Only thrust as much as you want, and I'll go the rest, as deep as I can take it. If it's too much, I'll tap your leg three times."

Natsu nodded, "Three times," he repeated. He learned about this as well in one of Rei-chan's lessons about using safewords. The two of them never did anything that required that, but she had recommended that Natsu and Gray should come up with both oral safewords and physical ones, just in case speaking was not possible. Three taps was the signal, and he ingrained that into his head.

He felt definitely more relaxed knowing Gray had a way to tell him to back off. He wanted to figure out first how deep Gray could go before going wild on him. After all, this was the first time Gray had even sucked on a cock.

Part of Natsu realized Gray might be encouraging him in things he himself liked to do. Just how many blow jobs must he have had in the past? Maybe he was teaching Natsu through example. Did Gray ask this because he wanted to fuck Natsu's mouth later on? It made sense.

And honestly, Natsu would not mind one bit!

Well, if he wanted to do this to Natsu later, then Natsu figured it was only fair to test this out now. If he felt how Gray did it, he would know how Gray liked it.

Gray was bobbing on him again, using lips and tongue and his hand, always alternating, so that Natsu never knew what he might do next. The variety intensified the pleasure. Natsu eased back on his restraint over his instincts. His hips wanted to thrust, so he let them, but only a little. He leaned back against the tiles, a hand in Gray's hair, hips rocking, while Gray's hand pumped Natsu's cock.

It felt amazing, the water streaming down on him, tickling his skin, while Gray's mouth worked him. Natsu sometimes clutched at the hair, never too hard, just enough to keep his balance as his knees went weak. When Gray did something incredible, Natsu's fingers clenched on instinct until Gray groaned.

Natsu realized he _really_ liked those vibrating moans.

"More?" he asked breathlessly.

To answer, Gray hummed and dug his fingers possessively into Natsu's butt cheeks, yanking him to go faster and deeper.

Natsu moaned as he felt himself finally giving in to his wild side. "Tell me. Tell me when it's too much," he panted. "You gotta tell me."

Gray hummed to let him know, and he held up a thumbs-up to show he was still good.

Natsu snagged up Gray's hair now, thrusting harder, almost _wanting_ to push Gray to the edge of what he could stand. If he knew his limits now, he could let loose next time. Gray did pat his leg at one point, and Natsu backed off. He knew where to stop, at least.

Natsu moaned Gray's name, sometimes closing his eyes tightly and focusing just on what he was feeling, sometimes looking down and all focus on watching his cock slide in and out of that mouth. His stomach began to coil, and the hand on Gray's hair trembled.

"Gray!"

He hummed in question.

"Can I?"

There was an enthusiastic "Mmh-hmm!" and the hand working him went faster.

One hand stayed on Gray's hair, and the other grabbed behind him, clawing into the ceramic tiles. Natsu's ears filled with the sound of rushing water, rushing blood, as everything flowed within him, around him, _out_ of him, overwhelming and intense. He felt Gray's mouth still moving and working, and he realized with surprise that he was swallowing it down. He looked down wide-eyed just in time to feel a constriction as Gray's throat gulped.

"Gray," he whispered in amazement.

Blue eyes gazed up, watery and sensual, and Natsu could not take it anymore. He collapsed right there, falling to his knees beside Gray, still struggling to catch his breath. Then he realized Gray had one hand on his own cock, trying to hide what he was doing.

"Are you touching yourself?"

"Y-yeah. Almost done."

Natsu reached around and embraced him. "Hold onto me. I won't touch since you're hurt, you know how you need it, so do it yourself, but I want to feel you. I like feeling you trembling."

He heard Gray lose his breath, and it sounded like he choked on something. "Natsu…"

Ooh, he liked that! "Go on. Touch yourself, Gray. Touch yourself for me." Holding him so closely, Natsu felt Gray's body give a shudder at his words. He could feel his left arm moving and speeding up. "Don't hold back." He breathed hotly into Gray's ear, "Let me hear you."

He let out a soft cry like pain, and he rested harder against Natsu's shoulder, so close it hurt.

"Yeah. Moan," Natsu urged. He rubbed his hands over Gray's body, looking to see where he could touch. His chest had not been too bad, so he reached between their bodies and lightly rolled Gray's nipple between his fingers.

"Ahhh!" Gray cried. He was so close, so damn close. "N-Natsu. Like … like before."

"Before?" he asked.

Gray nodded and strained to speak. "Touch … ass."

Natsu wondered what he was trying to say, but then he recalled. In the woods, when he had given Gray that blow job, he had ended it in a certain special way.

Natsu sucked his finger and reached behind Gray, feeling blindly until he felt his ass. He slowly pressed his finger in, and that was all it took. Gray was holding back just long enough to feel that, but at the sensation of Natsu rubbing inside, he completely fell apart. He only vague heard Natsu's voice.

"That's it. Come for me, Gray. Let me feel it."

Gray blanked out for a moment. He felt utter bliss as pressure that had built up over four days gushed out. He also felt shame. He had jerked himself off right in front of Natsu.

Natsu reached his free hand down and cupped it, catching what Gray shot out. A little shower water mixed with it, but he brought the handful of cum up, sniffing it first, then licking his hand. He just wanted to do it as a way to thank him and be equal for swallowing during the blow job. To his surprise, Gray tasted good, unlike last time. Natsu kept licking at his fingers, happily cleaning them. As Gray floated on his high, he watched Natsu licking up his mess and swore it was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

Natsu licked every bit off of his fingers. "Mm, you're actually tasty." He looked at Gray and demanded to know, "How come you taste good?"

Gray blushed slightly. "You complained last time, so I changed my diet."

Natsu's head cocked to the side in confusion. "Diet?"

Gray settled down in the shower, stretching his sore knees and resting from exhaustion. Natsu settled beside him, leaning into Gray with the shower raining down onto their legs.

"It's something Loke told me about once while we were on a mission," Gray explained, mindlessly rubbing Natsu's leg and enjoying the feel of his wet skin. "We got into talking about stuff … y'know, guy stuff." Gray gave a sheepish shrug. "He suggested to eat more fruits and berries before the weekend so … um … so when I get a blow job, it … it tastes better."

He hated telling Natsu that. He and Loke had been really close back then when they thought he was just another member of the guild. Maybe the playboy's habits rubbed off on Gray early on. He had dated or just messed around with plenty of girls, one-night stands, trolling bars for a lady and a bit of fun. They were meaningless flings, hormonal releases, nothing more.

"Oh," Natsu said, realizing the same thing Gray was thinking about. Before that injury, Natsu used to tease Gray about bouncing from girl to girl. So much had changed since then. He shoved past the awkwardness and said lightly, "Berries, huh? I've never heard of that before."

Gray was silently glad Natsu did not press into his indiscriminate past. "Well, that's what I was told. I guess it worked."

"Totally! You taste delicious," Natsu grinned.

Gray blushed and looked away. "Uh … th-thanks. You taste pretty good, too. I was expecting it to taste like crap, considering how you reacted last time, but it wasn't that bad, just a little salty."

"Well, yours _did_ taste like crap back then."

"Shut up! So why does a meat-guzzling idiot like you taste so good?"

"Um … w-well, you see…" Natsu laughed awkwardly. "I forgot to bring enough money between towns, and I couldn't get jobs in the smaller villages, so I … I've kinda been eating berries, nuts, and mushrooms for four days."

"Natsu!"

"And fish!" he shouted in defense. "I caught some fish. But … yeah, mostly it was whatever I could forage. But hey, if berries are the trick, I'll eat more."

Gray smirked over at him and jabbed, "You just want more blow jobs."

"Well, yeah!" Natsu admitted bluntly.

Gray barked out a laugh. Damn, this boyfriend of his was too honest!

"What?" Natsu cried out defensively. "I wanna do it again. You were good."

His laughs subsided and he muttered bashfully, "Shut up."

"You were!" Natsu insisted. "You were awesome. You did that thing with your tongue and … damn, I was struggling to hold back. It was wonderful!"

Gray looked away, wishing he could blame the hot water on the heat creeping all through his veins.

Natsu leaned over and tugged on Gray's face. It did not take much for the ice wizard to look over with a softened mouth. Their lips met, and they tasted one another in the raining shower. Natsu climbed over, sitting between Gray's legs with their knees folded up on either side of them, a wet and slippery embrace.

They pulled back with far more wetness on their lips than just the shower. Natsu's hand glided over Gray's body, looking at scabs at old scars.

"Once you heal up, I wanna blow you."

Gray's eyebrows shot up. "Don't say that!" he squawked.

"Huh? Oh, did you not like it?"

"I … I did," he admitted awkwardly. "But don't say it so bluntly. Seriously, it sounds weird."

Natsu leaned in to lay kisses along his collar bone. "What's so weird about wanting it?"

"No, I mean … I mean you _talking_ like that." Natsu's mouth was distracting his brain.

"Oh?" Natsu chuckled slyly. "You mean talking dirty? Do you not like it, or…" He leaned in closer, until their chests were pressed together and he had Gray pinned to the tile wall. "…do you _like_ it?"

A swallow got caught in Gray's throat.

"You do, right?" Natsu asked with a predatory gleam in his eyes. "You like when I talk dirty to you, saying about what I wanna do to your cock."

If he was not already softened and tired, Gray knew he would have gotten aroused from just that much. "That … sounds weird."

"But you like it," Natsu stated boldly. "I can tell. I can smell it. You get aroused."

"Shut up," he snapped, looking away, yet after a few seconds he confessed, "Okay, maybe it's a little hot."

Natsu felt victorious for getting him to admit it. "I can talk like that more, if you like it."

Gray suddenly grabbed Natsu's hair and held it aggressively. "Only if I get to talk back."

His grin widened. "I _definitely_ would like that."

Gray scoffed and released the hair. "Pervert." He pushed Natsu away and stood up, letting the water wash away any residue and opening his mouth to clean out the salty taste of Natsu's cum.

Natsu scrambled to his feet. "You're one to talk, smelling this aroused again just because I said I wanna suck ya."

Gray scoffed and decidedly ignored him. Natsu thought this coyness was cute. However, as Gray faced the shower head and let the water clean his groin, Natsu saw the pale back. It had received far more damage back here, and he saw some of the longer scratches were just beginning to fade from infected pinkness. He also saw where his fingers had dug into the skin. Gently, he rubbed Gray's back, looking at the wounds sadly.

"Gray." He looked serious for a moment. "Don't get hurt again on a mission."

He turned around in surprise by the demand. "You know I can't promise that."

"Then stay close to me. Always stay close," Natsu insisted. "You end up getting hurt when I'm not around."

"What a clingy boyfriend!" Gray laughed as he stepped out of the shower. "Hurry up. I'll let the hotel manager know I'll be leaving today."

Natsu said nothing else, but he looked pensive as he washed himself. The entire time he was gone, all he thought about was Gray and so many worries. Did he have money for food? Was he healing okay? Did the town get attacked while he was gone? Maybe a rampaging monster stomped all over the hotel.

Silly worries, simple worries, and outrageous worries.

Natsu stared ahead as the shower poured on him and thought about Gray's blood, both the spreading puddle of blood during that fateful fight, and the tiny dripping cuts all over Gray's body just a few days ago. Maybe he really was being clingy, but if that was what it took to make sure Gray never hurt like that again, he would tie his muffler around both of them and never let him get any further away than that.

Finally he stepped out, feeling better with fresh clothes and his hair steaming dry. Gray had packed up and looked eager to get out of the hotel where he had been stuck. As they left and walked out into the town with their traveling bags over their shoulders, Natsu reached out and grabbed Gray's hand, hardly even thinking about it, only wanting to make sure they did not get separated.

"Um, can we camp tonight?" Gray asked softly.

Natsu looked over in surprise. "Sure. That's what I had planned to do. I'm totally out of money now."

Gray nodded and admitted so quietly, only Natsu's keen ears picked it up, "I wanna sleep with you like that again."

Natsu felt heat in his cheeks, and he squeezed Gray's hand tighter, happy to hear him say that.

As they left town and struck out on the open road, both were optimistic and eager for whatever joy happened as they returned to Magnolia.

**Next Chapter: "A Time to Celebrate"**


	46. A Time to Celebrate

_"My lips got lost on the way to the kiss—_  
_that's how drunk I_  
_was."_  
_― Rumi_

 

* * *

Fantasia!

Last year, Gray missed Fantasia because he was still in the hospital. He remembered how depressed he had been feeling, furious at his bad luck, hating life, wishing he had just died in battle, feeling that would have been more noble than the wretched life he had, filled with pain, surgeries, blood transfusions, and staring at a mutilated leg that doctors warned would never work again.

Now, he could not be happier. He and Natsu teamed up for a fire-and-ice float. Natsu was the flaming dragon atop a makeshift mountain they made on the float, and Gray was the gallant prince defending from the dragon's flames with his sword and shield of ice. The kids loved it!

It was a parade of lights and magic. There was always a special emotion associated with Fantasia, memories of the past, both good and bad. Mostly it was a time to be with friends, show off a little to the townspeople, laugh, drink, and party. It was the harvest festival, and food abounded.

So did girls!

It was normal, almost traditional, for young men and women in the town to rush up to their favorite wizards after the parade and flirt with them. Lucy loved the attention. Erza was indifferent but looked generally happy. Evergreen flaunted her fairy wings. Juvia looked overwhelmed and dizzy. Lisanna laughed with the men and agreed to many animal transformations, apparently oblivious that she was making some men's fantasies come true. Timid Wendy shied away from admirers, Carla did her best to defend her, until finally Mest and Romeo both came to her side and shoved aside a few perverts. Mira, of course, had the most admirers by far and posed for many pictures.

The men were no different. Admirers vied for the attention of Laxus, Freed, Elfman, Gajeel, Gray, Natsu, and others. Each acted in their own ways. Laxus looked utterly unconcerned, standing there for photos with folded arms and a stone-cold face. Freed looked ready to panic from all the fawning women and tried to hide near Laxus. Elfman awkwardly blushed as girls cooed over his muscles and called him manly. Gajeel had grabbed Levy out of a mob of men and split so fast, townsfolk looked around in confusion, wondering where he could have gone.

As for Gray, he personally liked this part of the festival. In the past, he would flirt around, slip away with a group of girls, and end up with one—sometimes more than one—by the end of the night. It was a good time to get laid.

Even now, although he had no intension of going home with any of them, he smiled and chatted with the ladies. He thanked their compliments and showed them magic tricks. He gave one lucky lady an ice rose.

Natsu was trying to deal with the people around him. He signed some autographs and blindly accepted a few business cards with girls winking and telling him to call them on lacrima sometime. However, he kept looking over to Gray.

Gray looked like he was having fun, but seeing him around a lot of girls made Natsu burn with jealousy. He knew how Gray used to be. People said he was only slightly better than Loke when it came to women.

Did he really like all the female attention?

Natsu usually fled to the guild, just like Gajeel had done. He might pose for a few pictures or accept some gifts, but he never stayed around like this before.

He never realized how many admirers he had!

Happy flew up with a large sack and began to put away the boxes of chocolate and wrapped candies from girls, excited at the idea of eating all these sweets later. Natsu was almost amused by all the candies they were getting. Maybe sticking around was not such a bad thing.

Then he saw some lady by Gray get a little too close and rub her hand up his arm. Before Natsu could react, some boisterous girl bounced up, wrapped her arm around Natsu, and told him to smile as her friend took a picture. Natsu focused back on his own group, grinned, and saw the camera flash. The girl squealed and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Natsu gawked at her boldness, and ladies in the crowd either whistled or shouted in protest.

"I wanna kiss the dragon!"

Someone else kissed his cheek, and Natsu blushed. What the hell was going on? Then he felt soft warmth on the other cheek and did not realize they were lips until he heard a smack.

"W-wait!" he cried out. This was too much!

It felt like kisses were raining down, only on his cheek and head, but there were too many to figure out where they were coming from. He wanted to shout at them, but that was rude. Makarov specifically told him not to do anything rude today.

Suddenly, the pressing throng moved away, and Natsu felt a cold arm around him. He had ducked down, hands over his mouth to make sure no one kissed him on the lips, and he looked up with relief as Gray stood watch over him.

"The dragon is mine!" he declared.

Natsu's eyes widened. Did he … publicly … to all these people…?

Then Gray looked down at Natsu. There were lipstick marks all over his face, and that pissed him off. How dare he let his guard down like that!

Natsu cowered under than angry glare. He was a little jealous just because some girl had touched Gray, yet here he was, attacked by kisses and not stopping them.

Gray snagged up Natsu's chin and lifted it forcefully. "At least you protected your lips." Then he leaned over and gave Natsu a lingering kiss on the mouth. Girls all around groaned in disappointment, while others squeaked at how _hot_ that was. Quite a few took pictures.

Natsu moaned soft enough so no one else could hear. These were the lips he loved! Only these lips made his heart flare up like this.

Gray pulled back, letting their lips pop, but he still glared down. "You're in trouble," he warned softly. "Go to the guild. I'll be there later."

"Where are you going?" asked Natsu.

Gray's eyes narrowed. "I'm a little pissed right now."

Natsu gulped. Shit… He did not blame Gray, though. If the tables were turned, he would have been so enraged, he probably would have set something on fire.

Happy flew up with the sack of candies. "I'll take these back home. You go on, Natsu." He flew off, but his tail drooped a little as he sensed the tension between the two.

Natsu wondered if he could apologize, but it was not even his fault. The girls had attacked him! Still, he looked silently up at Gray, hoping for forgiveness.

"Go!" Gray ordered.

Natsu sadly left, struggling to be polite as he pushed aside admirers. He broke free from the crowd and made a lonely trek to the guild, feeling cold and guilty for angering Gray.

When he entered the guild hall, Gajeel burst into laughs. Others who were around chuckled and pointed at him. Natsu froze. What … why were they laughing?

Bisca came up to him with Asuka on her hip. "Natsu, you … um … probably want to wash your face. If Gray saw you like that, he'd bring on an early winter."

"My face?" Natsu asked, and he reached up, wiping his fingers over his cheek. When he looked at the hand, there was pink, glittery lipstick all over his fingertips. "What the…?"

"Mama, I wanna kiss Natsu, too!" shouted Asuka. She leaned dangerously over and smacked her lips against him. "Do I have lipstick now, Mama? Do I?"

"Lipstick?" Natsu ran to the restrooms and looked in the mirror. Finally, he saw the lip marks that covered his cheeks, forehead, and some were even in his hair. "What the hell? And Gray saw this? Shit!"

He turned on the water and set about scrubbing his face, but the lip paint did not easily come off. He scrubbed and scrubbed, wet a paper towel to wipe vigorously, and still the vermilion and pink marks only smeared.

Alzack finally entered the restroom and walked over to Natsu. "Bisca figured you might have a problem and suggested this."

Natsu took the bottle marked _makeup remover_ and tried it. Much easier, the lipstick marks began to come off his skin.

Alzack stood to the side, chuckling as he watched. "Lots of lady admirers, huh? I would say _you're lucky_ , but I'm not so sure it's a good thing for someone in a relationship."

Natsu grumbled, "Yeah, Gray was pissed."

Alzack gawked. "He saw? Oh damn. You're in for a lot of punishment. Better make it up to him."

"Like he's much better," argued Natsu. "I was just sticking around because I was waiting for him, and he kept flirting. I bet he _likes_ to flirt with all those girls."

Alzack let out a low whistle. "Looks like you both are in for a domestic dispute. Take it outside if it turns to fists and fighting, okay?"

Natsu muttered something, maybe an acknowledgement. Finally, his face was clean but a little swollen from scrubbing. He handed the makeup remover back to Alzack and returned to the main hall.

There were more people now. It seemed the wizards were done socializing with fans and ready to party hard with Fairy Tail. However, there was no sign of Gray. Natsu frowned, but he figured it was best if Gray cooled off his anger before coming here. Natsu really did not want to fight with him.

Still, he wondered where Gray could have gone.

* * *

Gray knew that being mad was just part of jealousy, and he knew Natsu was hardly the sort of guy who would really go for a bunch of women like that. He knew Natsu was struggling to obey Makarov and behave; otherwise, he would have shoved those pesky fangirls aside.

He _knew_ this!

He was still furious.

Gray tried to remember if he had ever in his life felt jealousy. Maybe he was envious of strength, of powerful people like Laxus, Gildarts, and Erza; however, in matters of love…

Well, he had never honestly fallen in love before, so he supposed he never had a chance to be jealous.

He could not figure out what to do, so he did the only thing he actually wanted to do. He went to a bar to drink.

He knew Fairy Tail was partying, but out here there were lots of people willing to buy him free drinks, guys who were amazed to see simple magic tricks, and he had to admit, talking with a few ladies made his drunken mind feel like he was getting back at Natsu.

Before he knew it, it was past midnight. He figured he should at least show up at Fairy Tail, talk to Natsu, and settle things with him. He was still a little mad, but the alcohol made it all seem so ridiculous.

He had not quite arrived at the guild when the world seemed to tip. Gray grabbed a light post and hung onto it. Just how much did he drink?

"Gray-sama?"

He looked up and saw two Juvias. No, three. He blinked a few times until he saw clearer. She was walking up to him with a concerned look.

"Juvia." He gave her a lopsided smile as he swayed in inebriation. "Y'r lookin' bootiful!"

She blushed and tucked a strand of hair back. "It seems Gray-sama drank too much."

He walked up to her and cupped her cheek. "You really are lovely, though." His fingers drifted down her soft hair. "I always thought that you were the prettiest girl in Fairy Tail."

Her eyes widened. "G-Gray-sama!"

* * *

Although Natsu was excessively drunk, half-collapsed on a table and swirling his finger around some spilled beer, his nose locked on to a smell he had been waiting for all night. Gray! He leaped up, disturbing Happy who had passed out hours ago. He ran out of the guild, ready to both leap into Gray's arms and whack him over the head for making him wait so long.

He saw Gray, and he saw someone else. It was too dark to see for certain. He sniffed, but maybe his nose was drunk too, because he did not smell anyone strange, only guild members. He squinted, but the person with Gray was right in front of a tree. There was no way to see her.

He saw Gray, though. He was smiling at the person, and it appeared that he was caressing her face. Natsu's skin prickled. What was going on?

"How about we go to my place?" his keen ears overheard.

Natsu shook his head. No way! Just because some idiot girls were kissing him … was Gray trying to get even? This was ridiculous!

He saw Gray wrap his arm around the girl. He saw the dress, but Natsu still could not see her face since Gray's body was now in the way of her. He fisted up his hands, ready to punch that stripping bastard for cheating on him. He marched forward two steps…

And that was the last thing he remembered before falling down the stairs, crashing onto the cobbled walkway, and passing out drunk.

* * *

Natsu awoke to moans from others rising with hangovers. Someone must have dragged him back indoors, because he felt wood floor under him and opened his eyes to the banners of the guild hall. Wendy was going around, healing a few with severe headaches, while Mira passed around herbal drinks for those not quite so bad. Natsu's eyes drifted around and landed on a clock. It was already past noon.

Or midnight?

No, too bright for midnight, and it had been many hours after midnight when he saw…

He saw Gray … and some woman…

Natsu bolted up, but he covered his mouth as acid shot up.

"You should wait for Wendy, Natsu," Mira advised. "I found you unconscious out front. You took a really nasty fall. Your cheek got a bit cut up."

Natsu touched his face and found a bandage taped to a stinging pain in his cheek. That did not matter, though. "Gray…?" he began to ask, but he held his head at the sound of his own voice.

"Gray never showed up," Mira told him. "I bet he partied in the town all night."

Natsu gnashed his teeth. He had seen Gray slip away with some girl. Bastard! "I need to find Gray. I think something bad happened."

"Eh?" she asked in alarm. "Do you think he's hurt?"

"I think he was really drunk and stupid and thoughtless and he's an idiot," Natsu grumbled furiously.

Wendy healed Natsu's hangover, but before she could tend to his cheek, he bolted out of the guild. Sniffing, he wandered the streets. Magnolia was quieter than usual for lunchtime, as the residents slept off a night of partying. The litter from the city-wide festival was just now being swept away. Natsu was glad there were few people around. It meant the scent trail had not been disturbed by other smells. He kept sniffing, following the trail down the street.

It did not lead to the residential neighborhood, though. Instead, he did not have to go far at all. There were hotels close to Fairy Tail, and the trail ended in front of one.

Natsu sneered up at the hotel. "Dammit, Gray, what did you do now?"

He knew barging inside and demanding the room number was not allowed; he had done that before with Lucy on a mission and got booted out of the hotel. He was beginning to weigh the option of climbing up the side of the wall and peeping into the windows until he found Gray's room, when the door opened.

Natsu scurried back behind an alley and peeked out. He saw Gray walk out of the hotel with Juvia.

No way! Her?

"Thanks for last night," he said, smiling down at her.

"Juvia just wants Gray-sama to be happy," she said cheerfully.

He took her hand and squeezed it. "I'm much happier now." He began to lean in to her face.

Natsu turned away sharply, gasping for air as his heart pounded. _No! Why?_ He slammed his eyes shut, and tears tumbled out. It had to be a mistake. It _had_ to be! The two of them … it couldn't be … they didn't!

"We shouldn't tell Natsu," he overheard Juvia say.

Natsu fled, covering his mouth so no one would hear him cry.

Idiot Gray! Stupid idiot stripping bastard!

He knew it was too good to be true.

Natsu was not looking where he was going, and he suddenly slammed into a person. He heard a woman cry out, and on instinct he reached forward, managing to catch her before she fell. He recognized the smell immediately.

"Rei-chan!" he cried out.

"What? Natsu-dear?" she asked, regaining her balance. "My, aren't you a rambunctious one this early in the day! After the festival, I'd think all of the wizards in this town would be hungover." Then she saw him clearer, including the wetness under his eyes and the bandage on his cheek. "Oh my dear! What happened?" she asked in dread.

Natsu found his defenses crumbling under the soul-wrenching pain. When he opened his mouth to speak, a sob croaked out, and suddenly the tears tumbled over thickly.

"Gray," he managed to say.

Rei-chan looked stung by his deep pain. She wrapped him up into her arms to hide away the tears. No one needed to see the Fire Dragon Slayer so broken.

"Come with me, dear. I'll get you a good, strong drink." Then she happened to sniff him and the reek of alcohol. "Better yet, a good, strong coffee. I was just heading into work to fill out the schedule for next week. You can rest in there. No one will be in today."

Shuddering as he struggled to hold back outright bawling, Natsu nodded and let her lead him away.

* * *

Gray and Juvia walked into the guild hall together and saw that more than half of the guild was still there, most of them drinking coffee or strong tea to recover from the drunken party.

"I really missed out on the fun," Gray noted, smiling at the typical scene of devastation. "Where's the flame-brain?"

"Gray!" Mira cried out, and her hands covered her mouth. "You … and Juvia … you weren't together last night, were you?"

Juvia blushed crimson, and Gray leaped away from her in a panic. "It's … it's not like that!" he cried out.

"Natsu didn't see you two together, did he?"

Gray froze in confusion. "Natsu?"

Mira nodded with her brow furrowed from worry. "He ran out a few minutes ago. With his nose, I thought for sure he would find you in no time."

Gray felt a chill run down his spine. If Natsu had seen him and Juvia in the hotel, or even seen them leaving that place…

"Oh shit," he whispered.

Juvia put a worried hand on his arm. "Gray-sama?"

"He'll know we spent the night together."

"You what?" Gajeel bellowed, much to the agony of people still recovering from hangovers. The Iron Dragon Slayer stomped up to him and grabbed Gray by the collar of his white coat. "You _finally_ smell like mates, and you're cheating behind his back?"

"No! Juvia and I … we didn't—"

"You spent the night with her?" roared Gajeel.

"Gajeel!" Juvia pleaded, tugging his arm.

"Mates are sacred, Gray!" he yelled in outrage. "Dragon Slayers don't just fuck around, and their mate should respect that. Fuckin' pisses me off how you two aren't actin' right."

"I didn't sleep with Juvia! I mean … I slept _with_ her, but … goddammit, we didn't have sex."

Gajeel released him and took a deep sniff of Gray. He glared but mumbled, "Okay, I believe you. You don't smell like her."

"Sheesh!" Gray growled and straightened out his clothes.

Mira still looked worried. "If Natsu saw you two, he might think the same thing. He was waiting all night for you, Gray. I could tell he was depressed, and he drank so much. I found him passed out in the courtyard outside."

"Outside?" Gray asked.

"Yes, he ran out quite suddenly around two in the morning. He must have fallen down the steps and got knocked out. He was injured, too."

"Injured!" he shouted.

Two in the morning: that was when the bar closed and he had come to the guild. Natsu must have run out when he smelled Gray approaching the guild hall.

And then he met Juvia…

And complimented her in a really flirtatious way…

And went away with her…

"Oh shit," he whispered, realizing what Natsu must have seen. Then this morning, seeing him with Juvia after a night in a hotel … Gray lost his breath and ran his fingers through his hair in a panic. "Shit!"

He turned and ran out, not realizing he threw his coat and shirt off in his rush. He raced all the way to Natsu's house, but no one was home. He remembered last night, he told Juvia they should go to his house. Natsu must have heard at least that much. He rushed back to town to check his own house, but there was no sign of Natsu having broken in. He spent an hour roaming the streets of Magnolia, sometimes shouting Natsu's name.

_Where could he have gone?_

One answer came to mind, and Gray cringed. The Pussy Palace!

"No way. He wouldn't," Gray whispered to himself, but his feet turned that way.

Maybe Natsu just went there to talk, nothing more. Yet as Gray continued on, dread built more and more until he found himself running. If Natsu really did think Gray had cheated on him, wouldn't he want to get even? Rei-chan told Gray directly that she was interested in Natsu. She would of course want to _comfort_ him.

By the time he threw open the doors of the Pussy Palace, an icy fog of rage swirled around Gray.

"Where's Natsu?" he bellowed as the ice crackled out in front of him.

A scantly clad woman walked up. "The one with pink hair? I'm sorry, he's _occupied_."

Gray's eyes glared at her like ice daggers. "Where is he?" he sneered.

Without waiting, he ran through the club and to the back. He began to look into the VIP rooms, but it was early in the afternoon, so they were empty. Then he remembered Rei-chan had an office.

The call girl ran after him in her stiletto heels. "Sir, you can't go back here without—"

Gray waved a hand at her. Instantly, she was pinned to the hallway wall with ice around her wrists and ankles. "I'm sorry, but I need to find Natsu."

He saw a room at the end marked "Private" and guessed that was the place. Gray marched forward, yanked the door open, and entered what looked more like a dressing room than an office. Natsu was on a plush bed of satin, and Rei-chan was straddled over his hips.

"Gray!" the Dragon Slayer shouted in shock.

In a low, dire voice, Gray snarled, "Get … off … of … him."

Smoothly, Rei-chan stood and straightened her clothes. "I was merely giving him a massage. The poor dear was stressed."

"I don't care!" Gray screamed. "Don't you _ever_ touch my boyfriend again."

She did not back down from his anger. "Then maybe _you_ shouldn't touch other women."

Their eyes fought a silent battle, with Natsu as the prize. Quietly, yet with rage simmering in his words, Gray demanded, "Get out. He and I need to talk."

She stared silently for a few tense seconds, but then she straightened up her shoulders. "Natsu-dear, I'll be just outside." She slipped past Gray and closed the door behind her.

Gray looked down at Natsu on the bed. The emotions that scrambled his brain in those first few seconds of seeing them together had really overwhelmed Gray. Now, he saw that Natsu had dark circles under his eyes from crying heavily, and there was a bandage on his cheek. He looked like hell.

_And I made him feel this way!_

Gray collapsed into a chair, and his head sank into his hands. "Is this what you felt?" he wondered aloud. "Seeing me and Juvia, did it hurt this badly?"

"Rei-chan wasn't doing anything," Natsu said, sitting up on the bed. "She took me in, got me coffee, and began to massage my shoulders. She offered to do acupressure. She's done that before. It's not sexual, really."

"I believe you. Or at least, I desperately _need_ to believe you, because the alternative involves punching a woman, and I really don't want to do that." Gray looked up, and there were tears in his eyes. "For a second, I thought … I really thought … you wouldn't want me. All because of a mistake."

Natsu stared at him silently waiting for an explanation.

"I got drunk … _real_ drunk. I'll admit, I flirted with Juvia."

Natsu scowled and looked away in anger.

"But that was it! I said she was pretty, and I … I maybe … okay, I was drunk and stupid," he shouted in admittance. "I … said things I shouldn't have to her. I was mad at you. Maybe I wanted to get even."

Natsu screamed in frustration, "I didn't do anything!"

"I know!" Gray sneered at himself. "I know, it wasn't your fault. Those fangirls were just doing whatever they wanted. Still, I was mad. Think how I felt, Natsu! Seeing my boyfriend being molested by a dozen women." He forced himself to calm down. "It was stupid, I know, but … it made me really mad. And then I was drunk. Juvia was going to walk me home, but I almost threw up. I was ready to pass out, so she took me to a hotel. She was going to leave me there, but … dammit, I hate to admit this."

"You fucked her?"

"No!" Gray screamed. "No, we didn't! I broke down, okay. I began to sob like a goddamn baby. I don't even remember it all but … but I was scared of losing you, scared of my own inhibitions, scared you'd get annoyed, always waiting for me to get over things, scared you'd think that all of this was a big mistake, and I would be left alone. Goddammit, Natsu, I'm so in love with you it's _terrifying_ me! And I just … broke down. So Juvia stayed, and I cried myself to sleep. We woke up the next morning, and … holy shit, I just about leaped out the window. I thought I had messed up in the worst way of all. But we were both still in clothes, and she calmed me down. Then, I don't know why, but I broke down into tears again. She stayed with me until I could calm down. She kept telling me … you'd forgive me … and you'd wait until I was ready. She said she could see that you loved me."

Gray sputtered out a tearful laugh and wiped his wet cheeks.

"Hearing that someone else believed that—believed in us—made me happy. She calmed me down, and then we left. I knew that if anyone found out we had stayed together in a hotel, they'd get the wrong idea. She knew that, too. She didn't want you to be mad, so she said we shouldn't tell you, but then I told her that wasn't what I wanted. I don't _want_ to keep secrets from you, Natsu. That's a shitty thing to do."

Natsu's mouth dropped, thinking about the secret he was still keeping from Gray about his damaged heart.

"So there it is, the whole truth. I was an asshole who got drunk, flirted with an ex-girlfriend, ended up spending a night crying into her arms, woke up the next morning with her, and the instant Mira said that maybe you actually saw us together, I panicked and ran all over town searching for you. And of all the places in this town, I find you _here_!" Gray snuffled up his tears and glanced up to Natsu. "Do you have any idea how scared I was, thinking all I feared last night was coming true?"

Natsu solemnly replied, "About as scared as I felt when I thought my worst fear was playing out right in front of me, that you wouldn't really want a boyfriend, you want women … and you don't want me anymore."

Gray dropped his head back down into his hands. "Shit. Never again, Natsu. Let's never again spend a holiday apart. Never let me get drunk without you around. And never come back to this place. Even if you think of that woman as a friend, never come back _here_. Meet her in town, whatever, just not _here_."

Natsu reached over and took Gray's hand. He tugged with encouragement, and Gray stood, sliding over to the bed. He collapsed against Natsu's chest, and warm arms enfolded him in fiery comfort.

"I promise," he whispered, and kissed Gray's hair. "But promise you'll never stay in a hotel with a woman again."

"Only Erza or Lucy, and only for missions," he promised.

"Juvia didn't … _try_ anything, did she?"

Gray laughed and shook her head. "Surprisingly, no, despite how pathetic I was. She's a good, strong woman, obsessive at times, but mature. Rei-chan, she didn't—"

"It was an acupressure massage, nothing more."

Gray's brow tensed up as more tears threatened him. "I … really thought…"

Natsu hushed him and stroked Gray's hair. "We're both idiots."

Gray snuffled up the last of his worries. He straightened up, and his eyes peered right at Natsu, strangely serious now, filled with silent determination. Suddenly, Gray took Natsu's hand.

"Come with me." He yanked Natsu up.

"Wh-what?"

Gray pulled Natsu toward the door. "I'm going to show you this time."

"Show me what? Hey, stop dragging me along!"

Gray stopped, but he pulled Natsu in by the hips. "I'm going to show you … just how much I love you."

Natsu's eyes widened. "Y-you mean…?"

Gray leaned over and kissed him. Natsu's heart raced. Gray … wanted…

Gray pulled back and smiled down at him. "I'm going to show you, you're the only one." He gave Natsu another soft kiss. "If you want," he added.

Natsu could not get his throat to work. He merely nodded and gulped hard. Gray's face beamed with happiness.

"Are … are _you_ sure?" Natsu asked in concern. "I … I want…" He dropped his head and whispered with embarrassment. "If we do this, I want to be on top."

Gray was slightly surprised. Sure, Natsu had acted quite aggressively when they were together, but he always assumed … well, he imagined it both ways. "Can we at least take turns?"

Natsu smiled with a vigorous nod. "Definitely! Just this time, the first time … I've dreamed of this, Gray." His hands drifted up Gray's bare chest. "I want to claim you." His dragged his nails softly down, spiking thrills through Gray's nerves. Natsu whispered lustfully. "I want to be inside … I _need_ it. Need to feel inside you, claim you, dominate you … at least the first time."

Gray moaned at those words, and Natsu saw that already he was hard.

Gray grabbed Natsu's scratching hand and pulled on him. "Follow me."

He opened the door and saw Rei-chan standing nearby, grinning cunningly at the two.

"Worked things out?" she asked in amusement.

"He's never coming back here," Gray told her, tugging Natsu a little closer with possessiveness.

She merely smiled. "I hope, for your sake, he never needs to." Her eyes gleamed at him. "I won't play nice the next time."

Gray grabbed Natsu around the shoulder, scowling at her, but Rei-chan merely giggled.

"Kindly release my girl from her bondage. You normally have to pay for that."

"What?" Then Gray remembered the call girl he froze to the wall. "Oh! S-sorry." The ice vanished, and the strip dancer hummed with pleasure at being released.

Natsu gawked up at him. "Gray? You … iced a stripper?"

"I was in a rush," he said defensively. "Let's go."

Rei-chan watched Gray yank Natsu out of the strip club. Her finger tapped her smiling lips.

"Congratulations, Natsu-dear," she whispered to herself. "You've finally melted him completely. It just took a little jealousy." She bit her lip and held back her excitement for those two. "I hope you enjoy being his first, Gray-dear. I doubt he'll hold back." She let out a mischievous giggle, glad to see her plans all worked out. Another satisfied customer!

And it was about damn time!

**Next Chapter: "Silence"**

* * *

_Happy one-year anniversary, LAND!_


	47. Silence

_"Winter skies are cold and low, with harsh winds and freezing sleet._  
_But when we make love beneath our quilt, we make three summer months of heat."_  
_― Tzu Yeh_

 

* * *

Although Gray had originally wanted to rush straight home, he thought better of it after his stomach let out a loud growl. It was the middle of the afternoon, and neither of them had eaten breakfast or lunch.

They stopped at a small café, and Gray was glad he had some money on him. They were both eager to eat. Still, all through their meal, Natsu and Gray gazed at one another. This break for food was just building the tension, the desire, whetting their appetite. Under the table, Gray felt Natsu slide his foot over his leg while his eyes burned with desire. He licked sauce off his folk and smiled as he saw Gray gulp.

After their meal, Gray held Natsu's hand while they walked through town. Normally, such public affection embarrassed him, but today he was thrusting all of that aside. He was going to treat Natsu as a proper boyfriend, with a nice meal date, a stroll through town, and gradually they ended up on the street where Gray lived.

The late autumn day was already growing dark as the sun sank and a wind picked up. Gray glanced over at how Natsu's scarf fluttered in the breeze. He smiled and squeezed the burning hand. It was an in-between time, a balance of summer and winter, much like themselves. The blustery wind matched the storm brewing between them as they entered Gray's apartment and hiked up the stairs to his room.

Gray held the door open for him, and Natsu strode in while trying not to look as nervous as he felt. Although this was something he had wanted for so long, it still felt … rushed. He somehow thought this would be a day they would plan for, a moment expected and anticipated. Instead, Gray abruptly declared that he wanted to show Natsu just how much he loved him. It came as a complete surprise. Since their mission, they had only made out a few times. They had not tried anything beyond kissing, not since that camping trip.

Although, their journey home involved plenty of pleasure while sleeping in a tent together.

He subconsciously rubbed his arms as he increased his own body heat to compensate for the chill of Gray's home. Suddenly, arms were around him, hugging him from behind, and lips were on his neck. Any chill vanished as Natsu's body burned at the nips to his skin.

He turned around, and stormy blue eyes gazed down at him silently. With a bit of worry, Gray reached up and touched the bandage on Natsu's face. The Dragon Slayer carefully pulled it off, revealing the cut to his cheek he got when he pass out and fell down the stairs. It had stopped bleeding, but there was still a scab. If Wendy did not look at it soon, there could even be a scar.

Gray leaned forward, and although he did not kiss right on the wound, he kissed the inflamed flesh near the cut. Natsu was injured because of him, and it made him feel guilty.

Natsu looked up and saw that regret in the wintry eyes. He had every intention of telling Gray the whole truth, especially now, before they did this. However, that look of guilt stung Natsu. He did not want this perfect mood to turn into something bad. It must have taken a lot of courage for Gray to reach this point. They had time to talk about why his heart was weak later, when they were not in the midst of feeling such deep passion for one another.

But definitely— _definitely_ —he was going to tell Gray. He needed to. He had put it off so long.

Just … not yet.

Gray's hand drifted up Natsu's arms and over to his chest, coming to rest on the first button of his shirt. Slowly, although Natsu was sure he could have done it in a flash, Gray unbuttoned Natsu's shirt, watching as his chest was gradually revealed. After the last button, his hands slid back up over rigid muscles and firm pectorals, up to Natsu's shoulders.

He leaned over, snatching up Natsu's lips while his fingers eased the shirt over shoulders, biceps, and let it fall to the ground. Natsu took a step closer, and both grasped around one another with bare chests pressed together. Their fingers ventured over each other's backs, grasping tightly and groaning from the closeness.

Their kiss deepened, and Natsu's hands dived down to grab Gray's ass, yanking him in closer. Gray thrust up against him and carefully led Natsu backward, guiding him toward the bedroom. Natsu followed Gray's lead, but when he felt the mattress hit the back of his knees, he made a sudden grab. With a sharp spin, he threw Gray onto the bed and immediately climbed on top. He crawled over Gray's prone body like a hungry animal set loose from its cage.

Natsu licked Gray's stomach, slid his tongue between his chest, and planted a kiss on the guild mark emblazoned on his pectoral. Gray's hands tugged him to come closer, but Natsu kept kissing along his collar, up to his neck.

Gray briefly heard a low growl before pain shot through the side of his throat. He cried out, and his fingers clenched into Natsu's hair. He had marked Natsu so many times up until now. Finally, Natsu was marking him back.

It was not just there, either. His lips went everywhere, nipping, sucking, claiming all of Gray. His nails dragged down Gray's torso again, harder this time, making his body arch in pleasure.

Gray grabbed Natsu and spun them, landing on top. He did not wait; he yanked the scarf off and latched onto Natsu's neck, determined to mark him, make Natsu _his_. The shivering cry of pain and pleasure made his heart pound wildly.

Gray raised up, breathing hard, wanting him … _wanting him!_ More than just a bruising mark. He wanted everything about this wild Dragon Slayer.

He slid back down and kissed Natsu's chest. He teased the puckered up nipple, letting his tongue glide across the thin skin over it, making it tense more and beg for attention. Gray hummed as Natsu's breathing cut off momentarily at the teasing. In return, he brought a hand up to the other nipple and circled it gently. He sucked the hardened nipple, and at the same time, his thumb and forefinger gently pinched the other. Natsu moaned loudly into the darkening room, making an intense tingle shoot straight down to Gray's cock.

He wanted to hear more; to make him moan his name in ways he never imagined in his lewd fantasies.

There was another growl, and Natsu pounced straight up, slamming Gray backward to the foot of the bed. The Dragon Slayer snarled aggressively as he sat on top of his lover's torso. Those narrow eyes practically glowed in the last light of the day.

Breathing hard, Natsu slithered back down Gray's body, scratching and licking as he dropped. He felt the tension building, smelled Gray's body, that wintry musk increasing, a heady scent of desire and need.

He wanted more! More than just scent. He wanted to taste it, taste everything, his mouth, his flesh, his cock … his blood!

Natsu suddenly bit Gray's hip, piercing his sharp teeth in. Gray cried out in pain and almost kicked Natsu away. He was about to scream at him, but when he looked down he saw Natsu licking the droplets of blood he had drawn. He looked drunk on the taste of just a few speckles, and his eyes gazed up in haziness.

He saw Gray watching him in confusion, so he slowly dragged his tongue over the wound, groaning softly at the taste of arousal in the blood.

Gray flopped back, nearly undone by the gleam in Natsu's eyes. The pain hurt, but the pleasure … oh, the pleasure outweighed everything! He closed his eyes, his breaths tightening with every touch, feeling aroused to every sensation. Warm lips went back up his stomach while a hand drifted down, slowly unthreading Gray's belt. Natsu unbuttoned the jeans and lowered the zipper, but that was all for now. He reached through the jeans and rubbed Gray through the boxers, feeling him out, hearing the whimpers for more.

Yet Gray did not beg. He knew it was coming. Gradually. He did not want to rush this.

Natsu slipped back up and kissed Gray while stroking him. Gray's eyes widened as he tasted something coppery. His own blood! It was still in Natsu's mouth.

Natsu pulled back, breathing heavily. He gulped, trying to regain his voice, but his throat would not work. Instead, he glanced down to what his hand was doing, then back up, wordlessly asking if he could do more.

To answer, Gray reached down and pulled his cock out of the boxer's front flap. His eyes were straight up into Natsu's, looking at the tender love in that gaze even as Natsu gave him a slow, smooth stroke down his arousal. Gray shuddered, and a moan dragged out of him as those hot fingers pulled back up to the leaking head, then thrust back down again.

The scent of pre-cum filled Natsu's nostrils as he recalled the first time smelling it, that day hiding in this same apartment while Gray jerked off in the bathtub, and then again in the seaside hotel's bathroom. Natsu smiled to himself as he slipped down, resting between Gray's thighs, and let his tongue flicker over the head to taste the salty fluid. He licked the moisture, then slid down to lick from the bottom to the top, all the while keeping a smooth, unhurried, stroking rhythm.

Gray shuddered under him, his breaths unsteady and hot, drowning in a moment of ecstasy. His body desired more. His back arched, pushing his erection deeper into the scalding mouth of the Dragon Slayer. The heat made Gray gasp. He closed his eyes tightly and clenched the sheets in his hands as he heard moist sounds of Natsu sucking him. He had come to love Natsu's mouth and the pleasure of that heat, but this time, knowing what they were about to do, the whole thing felt more intense than those experimental moments in the woods and camping. He writhed on the bed, unsure if he could actually last long enough to do this.

The moans aroused Natsu. He grabbed the hem of Gray's jeans and boxers to yank them down; Gray lifted his hips so they could slide off. He sat up for a moment to shuffle the clothes aside. Then, while up, he grabbed Natsu and yanked him down, this time with their heads on the pillows. Natsu was trying to scramble out of his own pants, but Gray kept his lips busy. They were both on their sides, facing one another, legs entangling as Natsu kicked at the pants in frustration and Gray used his feet to help yank the last of the clothes off.

Finally, they were naked, and they grabbed around one another, both moaning as their bodies moved against each other in a smooth undulation. Gray rolled on top at one point, gliding his hips against Natsu, sliding his hands all over that hot body. Then Natsu flipped them, and he went down again to Gray's neck, sucking hard until Gray's hands scratched into him. Then Gray dug his fingers in, flipped them hard to be on top again, and bit Natsu on the collar. The husky cry made Gray smirk.

Damn, he loved Natsu's voice!

He did not even mind when Natsu roughly threw him back down. The back and forth wrestling made his heart race, struggling for dominance, even if Natsu had already claimed…

Oh shit, that was right! He wanted to top!

This time, Natsu did not look like he was just going to bite and lick more. He hovered over Gray, his eyes heavily lidded with lust, his face flushed, and sweat glistening on his skin. Gray's mouth dropped, but no words came to his mind. Just a feeling, an impression.

_I want him. I love him, and I want him._

A warm feeling filled Natsu's heart at the enchanting sight before him, how the setting sun gently lit Gray's face with a blush of the end of the day. Those eyes that had so often been filled with doubts and fears now looked in awe by their own decisiveness. Gray's gaze peered all across him, and Natsu felt those eyes looking everywhere, his face, his chest, even down below, where he was aroused and ready to take this to the next level. Then the eyes drifted back up to meet Natsu's gaze, no fear, but slightly timid. If his eyes appeared to be nervous, his hands betrayed Gray's eagerness.

He wanted this still. He was the one who said he wanted to show Natsu how much he loved him exclusively, and although Natsu did not need something like sex to prove emotions of the heart, he was glad Gray could fight his personal battles to get to this point.

With a warm and proud smile, he descended and passionately kissed Gray. The kiss was a thanks for giving him a chance. Thanks for choosing him despite all their bickering. Thanks for sticking with him despite feeling like the world was just waiting for them to fail. Thanks for opening his heart. Thanks for taking him into his arms. Thanks for the trust it took to decide to take this massive step.

_Thanks for loving me!_

Their noses nuzzled each other and hands racked through hair as Natsu smiled in happiness, wanting to laugh and cry in his overwhelming joy. When he pulled back up, they looked deeply into each other's eyes.

Without needing a word, Natsu's face asked if he truly wanted this.

Gray gulped and silently nodded.

He was ready. At last, he was ready to open up his body as he had opened up his heart. Still, he felt nervous. His lips parted, ready to express his worries, but Natsu's finger touched them, silencing him. Natsu's smile told him he had nothing to worry about.

That reassured Gray. His worries seemed so petty under the warmth of that smile. Gray could hardly help but grin back at him, knowing they would be okay.

No matter what happened tonight, or what happened when they woke up tomorrow morning, or in the weeks and months and years to come … they were going to be okay.

**Next Chapter: "Moonless Night"**


	48. Moonless Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I received wonderful (sexy) fan art from fairytailyaoilover, and this is the perfect place to showcase it.
> 
> [](http://fairytailyaoilover.tumblr.com/post/124415461468/inspired-by-rhov-senseis-latest-chapter-of-land)   
>  <http://fairytailyaoilover.tumblr.com/post/124415461468/inspired-by-rhov-senseis-latest-chapter-of-land>

_"Possess. Have. Hold. Enjoy. Control. Dominate. Pick your verb … I intend to explore so very many of them."_  
_― J. Kenner_

 

* * *

At last, Natsu broke the silence. "Are you ready?" he asked in a soft, concerned voice.

Gray looked up into his eyes. To have Natsu as his lover … to _be_ lovers … sharing that intimacy … conjoined as one.

Quietly, but without regrets, he answered: "Yes."

Natsu stroked back the black hair. He tried to hide how nervous he felt. At least Gray had the advantage of having been intimate with partners before. For Natsu, besides "practice sessions," this was all new to him. Still, he knew Gray had to be even more apprehensive. Many times, Rei-chan recommended that Natsu let Gray top first, but … Natsu wanted this. He needed his first time to be in a dominant role. Deep in his soul, he _needed_ this.

Natsu slowly licked his fingers, savoring the taste of Gray's pre-cum on his skin. Gray watched the pink tongue slither around, and he gulped hard.

"What are you doing?"

Natsu's green eyes twinkled. "Trust me."

His wet fingers reached down and slowly rubbed Gray's asshole. The ice wizard instantly tensed up.

Natsu pulled back at seeing the distress. "I'm sorry. I thought—"

"N-no," Gray whispered. "Sorry, it just … surprised me."

Natsu waited, but when Gray gave him a nod, he reached down again.

"Wait!"

Natsu yanked back in concern. He had not even touched Gray.

"Stuff … lube … I have some. We … we should use that."

"You have some?"

Gray did not directly answer, not wanting to admit he bought it a while back for another partner. He rolled onto his side, and Natsu pulled back. Gray stretched over to the nightstand, opened a drawer, and shuffled around to the bottom. He pulled out a small bottle of lube and a condom.

Natsu saw the bottle was half empty, and there were only a few condoms left in the box. So, Gray had used these sorts of things in the past. He knew that was a possibility, but it still reminded him of Gray's experience. He actually had supplies like this, whereas Natsu honestly had never known these sorts of things existed until recently.

Natsu took the bottle and drizzled some onto his fingers as well as onto Gray. Then he capped it and set it aside. He would need more soon enough.

He reached down between their bodies. "Try it again?"

"Y-yeah," Gray muttered.

Natsu stroked back Gray's hair again. "Relax. I'm not gonna bite."

He arched an eyebrow. "You _already_ bit me, you asshole!"

Natsu laughed, and Gray loosened up with a chuckle. He trusted Natsu. Even if the Dragon Slayer really did want to bite and claw, he trusted Natsu to make it feel good. Plus the bastard studied under a professional. He figured Natsu must know what to do.

"It's okay. Go ahead."

"Are you really sure?" Natsu asked worriedly.

Gray reached down, held Natsu's wrist, and pulled it closer between his thighs. "I want it."

Natsu sighed in relief. He settled on the mattress and stroked Gray's legs. "Tell me if it doesn't feel right," he said with concerned eyes.

"It's going to hurt a lot," he muttered in worry.

"No it won't."

"When I tried on my own, it hurt like hell."

Natsu smiled at the idea of Gray attempting this on his own. He would have loved to see that. "That's because you're an idiot and can't even figure out your own body." Confidently, he promised, "I'll make sure it doesn't hurt."

Gray doubted it would be any different, but he nodded, trusting in him. Natsu had lightly fingered him in the past, and it was okay. However, those times had always been as merely a little added pleasure, not as a way of widening him in preparation for more.

He watched Natsu's face and saw him gulp thickly. He was trying to sound calm and in control, but Gray saw just how nervous he was. He realized, Natsu was a virgin. This was all new. He needed to support Natsu in this venture just as much as Natsu needed to assure him it would be all right.

Slowly, Natsu rubbed his finger around the rim. Gray tensed instantly, but nothing more happened. He just massaged the rim, softening it, waiting, remembering lessons with Rei-chan. She warned that Gray would tense up when first touched there, so he had to wait, be patient, until Gray's fears eased and he loosened. If Natsu plunged in, Gray would hurt.

The last thing Natsu wanted was to hurt Gray.

"Tell me if you want me to stop," Natsu said, sliding a single lubed finger into Gray, just up to the second knuckle. "At any point."

Hearing that simple thing helped Gray to relax. He knew that Natsu really would stop, too. Even if they were in the middle of things, he would stop if Gray no longer felt comfortable.

"Same goes to you," Gray said. "Don't force yourself."

"The only thing I'm forcing is not to fuck you raw and rough."

"That's not the way a virgin normally talks."

"How many virgins have you made love to?"

"Probably none," Gray admitted.

"Then I'll talk however the hell I want. Right now…" He leaned over and licked Gray's nipple. "…I want you."

Natsu licked while his finger felt out the warm, smooth walls inside, before pulling back slightly and applying more lube.

"Still okay?"

"Yeah. Feels … _nngh_ … good!"

"No pain?"

Gray shook his head, eyes slammed shut, fully focused on the feel of Natsu's finger _inside_ of him. Just then, he felt another touch. He tensed, but the finger stilled until he relaxed again. Then, so slowly it was almost imperceivable, just the tip of a second finger slid in. Those small adventures with fingering his ass, always brief and near the end, were nothing in comparison to Natsu smoothly slipping his fingers into his body.

"Damn, that's…"

Natsu paused. "Bad?"

"Hell no, _good!_ "

Natsu smiled, glad he was giving Gray pleasure and not any pain. Biting was one thing—he honestly had not meant to bite hard enough to make Gray bleed, but the smell that had disgusted him with bad memories in the past was now filled with wonderful memories from tonight. Still, even if he scratched and bit, Natsu did not want Gray to feel actual pain during this part.

Well … not this time.

He felt Gray's muscles relax, felt the passage seeming to widen a bit, walls no longer unyielding. When he inserted a third finger, Gray breathed out a moan. Natsu's other hand rubbed Gray's raised thigh, coaxing him to relax.

"More, Natsu. I want all of you."

Natsu's heart skipped a beat, and his face blushed deep crimson. He never imagined he would hear such words from Gray. "You sure?"

Gray nodded frantically, but he forced his eyes open to look up at his lover. "I want you. I _need_ you."

Being wanted! Being needed! It was a dream come true, a dream that began a year ago in blood and grief, now culminating in sweat and passion.

Natsu pulled back, breathing hard, hands shaking in excitement. He grabbed the condom package, but it slipped through the lubed fingers. He hastily wiped the lube off onto the bedsheets and tried again. He opened the package and pulled out the condom. Rei-chan once showed him how to put one on, but now, with fingers trembling, he could not figure out which way it rolled.

Gray sat up and pulled the condom away. "Allow me," he smirked.

He pinched the tip and slid the condom down, rubbing Natsu's full length. He gazed up at his Dragon Slayer with a smile, stroking him to make sure it was on snuggly.

"Feels okay?" he asked.

Natsu gulped hard as Gray's cold fingers slid up and down. "Good. Maybe a bit tight."

"You'll have to buy your own." Gray leaned forward and licked up Natsu's jawline to his ear. "Extra large," he whispered sensually, and nipped the flushed earlobe. "To fit my wild dragon!"

Natsu shivered. _His_ wild dragon!

Gray took more lube, drizzled it onto the condom, and spread it around. "Gotta make sure everything is slicked up and ready, right?" he reasoned, watching Natsu blush and moan at his stroking hand spreading lube all along the length.

Natsu squirmed under his touches. "Keep doing that and you won't get any pleasure."

Gray's tongue curled around the shell of his ear. "I like watching you moan."

Natsu suddenly grabbed Gray's hands and shoved him down, pinning him to the bed. "Yeah, but I want in your ass, bastard."

Gray simpered at that salacious expression. He spread his legs more and canted his hips up.

Natsu groaned to see that eagerness. He loosened the grip on Gray's wrists and stroked over his abdomen, where long ago he had reached into Gray's body to save his life. Now he was about to _enter_ his body in a different way.

"I love you," he whispered, shifting his hips up closer and gripping himself to stabilize. "Love you so much."

Gray wrapped his legs around Natsu's body and pulled him in. "I love you, too." He caressed Natsu's face to bring him in closer. "Love you … Natsu."

Their lips met, and at the same time Natsu pressed in firmly. Gray flinched with a groan, but Natsu waited, just barely in. He kissed Gray instead, kissed him for accepting him, wanting him, loving him, giving into him like this. He kissed Gray for everything leading up to now.

As he felt Gray's tension subside, Natsu moved again, only a little ways, holding back instincts to rush. He wanted this to be without pain, although it seemed discomfort was still a problem. He kept kissing Gray through it, distracting him with tender touches to his face.

Gray breathed through it. Every time he thought for sure it was about to hurt, Natsu stopped and waited for his body to get used to it. Little by little, infuriatingly slow but needed for his first time, Natsu claimed him. Just as Gray thought for sure that he could not be spread any wider, Natsu finally stopped and leaned up.

"Are you okay?" he panted.

Gray gulped down a dry throat and nodded. "Is that it?"

Natsu glared. "What the hell do you mean, _is that it_?"

Gray chuckled wearily. "No, I mean … I don't think I can take more."

"But this much is okay?"

Gray gazed up into those narrow green eyes filled with uncertainty and gave him a warm smile. "This much is perfect."

With a sigh of relief, Natsu lifted Gray's hand and kissed his knuckles, still waiting for him to adjust. They were together! But it was more than just physical. In this moment, their hearts were one, their souls blended, summer and winter melded to allow something wonderful to spring forth.

His boyfriend, his lover … his mate!

He would protect Gray no matter the cost.

He would love Gray despite all adversity.

He would always be here, always by his side.

"I love you."

Three words were not enough anymore. They were just words, yet Natsu knew nothing else to do to show Gray just how deeply this love had burned into his heart.

Nothing but this, to let the flame consume him and make Gray burn with him.

He pulled back and thrust in slowly, feeling the entrance squeeze his arousal. Gray flinched, but it was just discomfort, not pain. Still, the furrow in his brow showed Natsu that he had to hold back still. As much as he wanted to ignite the flame to its hottest, this was the sort of fire that he did not want to burn out too quickly.

He spent a few minutes going slowly, closely watching Gray or looking down to where their bodies united. He could not shake out the memory of reaching into Gray's body, into pooling blood and quivering organs, to cauterize arteries in hopes of saving his life. Now here he was again, delving into Gray's body, but _giving_ him life, making this life he saved a little better. While Gray's eyes were closed in pleasure, Natsu wiped a tear away.

He had saved Gray's life, healed his body, and now … now he wanted to complete his soul.

"Gray," he whispered. "Are you okay? Can I … do more?"

Gray smiled up at him. "I thought you were just being a timid virgin."

Natsu leaned over and kissed Gray's nose. "Not a virgin anymore."

Gray laughed softly. To think that Natsu saved himself just for this moment! And for him! This incredible man who could have had any woman he wanted, who had ladies swooning over him just yesterday, this powerful wizard and Dragon Slayer wanted some lonely kid from the frozen north like him. Natsu was the son of a dragon, and him … Gray felt like he was nothing compared to Natsu. He was just a kid who managed to survive demons and bitter winters and found his way to Fairy Tail. Maybe that was why he fought with Natsu so much. The Dragon Slayer burned brightly, always smiling, always filled with hope and optimism. As a kid, he would rush off at any mention of Igneel, eager to see his father again. Gray had envied that. Natsu had Gildarts as a role model, just like Gray used to have Ur, and seeing the smiles between the S-Class wizard and the fire-brat always pained Gray's heart with memories. Although he knew Natsu had suffered just as much as him, still he smiled and pushed himself beyond his limits.

Why would a man as incredible as Natsu want someone like him?

But here they were, and Natsu was showing just how much he loved Gray. It was overwhelming! Gray traced over a few of the scars Natsu picked up along the way. The Dragon Slayer was looking down, his pink bangs framing his flushed face, and sweat beading around his hairline like a fine mist. Those sharp eyes simmered, showing a fire barely tamed back.

Gray smirked up at him. "Burn hotter for me, dragon!"

A sneer of desire curled up for a brief moment. Natsu grabbed Gray's legs, hoisted them higher, and slammed in hard.

Gray gasped in surprise by how good it felt. It was like a sudden spark struck deep inside, igniting a blaze of pleasure, and with every thrust Natsu stoked the flames hotter until it seared him.

He remembered all of his past concerns, fears about pain in intimacy, fears about mockery for loving someone of the same gender, doubts about it being Natsu, of all people, to excite him in this way. Now, it all melted into euphoria. He squeezed Natsu's arms and scratched into his shoulders, moaning as the inferno of Natsu's love burned him.

Natsu may have had many fantasies up until now, but nothing compared to this. His desire blazed hotter at Gray's throaty moans and the sounds of flesh against flesh. Claiming Gray, taking him, ravaging and fulfilling all the lust he could _smell_ coming off from Gray … it drove reason out of his mind. He was insatiable, and he was glad Gray never asked him to stop, because he was unsure if the logical side of him even worked anymore. He was an animal who wanted to _devour_ his prey.

Every plunge took them both deeper into desire. Gray felt Natsu's teeth on him again, biting sharp and hard. He cried out from the pain, but he was far too lost in carnal bliss.

Natsu lowered himself to lick and nip his lover as he continuously thrust in. Their bodies rubbed against each other, a cold sweat and a burning dampness shimmering on their skin. Gray locked his arms around Natsu and dug his nails into his back. Short huffs escaped them with every collision of their bodies.

Gray suddenly grabbed his cock and stroked frantically, unable to take more. Natsu watched, mesmerized at seeing Gray losing control so fully. He felt Gray's body reacting, smelled it, and began to make shorter and quicker thrusts.

"Gray!" he cried out in warning.

"Yeah," he moaned. " _Nngh_ … y-yeah!"

Gray felt Natsu slam in hard and shiver. There was an animalistic noise, a grunt and growl mixed with a suppressed roar. He opened his eyes briefly and saw the snarl in Natsu's teeth and tendons taunt in his neck. The heat inside increased, and Gray weakly smiled to see his dragon succumbing. However, he kept stroking, more purposeful now, wanting to join him in this release.

Suddenly, Natsu's hand was over his, shoving it aside, and Natsu was the one stroking. It was such a rough and hot hand, slowly getting slicker with dripping pre-cum.

"Come on, slow poke," he teased.

Gray shuddered, but he still wanted to hold out. He wanted to feel Natsu touch him, feel him still inside, his heat radiating down onto him. He wanted it to last…

… And knew it couldn't!

He grabbed Natsu, he wasn't even sure where, and his fingers clenched in deep. He heard a grunt of pain above him, but then his ears deafened to his own low, shivering moan and the rush of blood from his pounding heart.

Natsu watched Gray in full glory, mouth open in ecstasy, wordless moans, and although his cold fingers were digging bruises into his mid-back, Natsu loved to feel Gray clinging to him like this. He loved knowing _he_ was the one to bring Gray to this plane of ecstasy.

He looked down at the white mess on his hand and all over Gray's stomach. He stroked slowly a few more times until Gray shivered and shook his head in sensitivity. Then Natsu pulled back, spent and tired. He licked up his hand, rolled over to the side, and licked up Gray as well, cleaning his abdomen.

Gray's eyes slowly opened and gazed down at his Dragon Slayer. The fiery tongue tickled, but he was too tired to protest. Finally satisfied with his job, Natsu collapsed onto the pillow next to Gray.

They stared at one another in silence as their ears rang and bodies hummed. Natsu cuddled up closer to Gray, sniffing the sweaty skin, sometimes softly licking to taste the saltiness. Gray reached out his hand to move away the sweaty bangs shading Natsu's forest-green eyes. Those squinty eyes looked up at Gray, soft now, filled with so much tenderness and joy. Gray felt like making some quip, but it was simply one of those moments when words were unneeded.

Both of their eyelids dropped halfway as their faces got closer. They held each other, conversing with their eyes all that their hearts felt. Their lips brushed against each other, barely even a kiss. Their noses rubbed together, and sleepy, playful smiles replaced the lusty snarls from earlier.

Natsu suddenly reached down. The condom was slipping off already. He did not want to move and break this spell, but he knew he needed to dispose of this.

"Just need to clean up," he whispered, and gave Gray a kiss before sitting up, holding the condom onto his shrunken cock.

Gray sat up and grabbed Natsu's arm. "I'll help." He glanced down at the swaying used condom being dragged down with a generous white dose. "You really filled that thing."

"It's been a while," Natsu shrugged. "Not since you―" His words cut off as he blushed at remembering their last time being intimate.

"Not since then, huh?" Gray smirked as his fingers touched some of the hickeys left on Natsu's body. "Well, hopefully you don't have to wait so long for next time."

Natsu hummed and leaned in to nip Gray's earlobe, then whispered sensually, "Hopefully not!"

They both grinned at each other as they realized they had just opened the door to many future opportunities. A whole world of sensuality awaited them, and their adventurous spirits looked forward to exploring it all.

Later, though. They kissed and pulled back, satisfied for now.

They went to the bathroom together. Natsu disposed of the condom and turned on the shower. They got in together, and this time Gray did not mind that the water was rather hot. His body still burned with Natsu's heat.

Gray ran a soapy washcloth over Natsu's body, tenderly wiping down sweat and semen. He knelt and cleaned below as well, giving only a light peck to the cock that had worked so hard to please him. In return, Natsu cleaned down Gray's body, kissing the bite marks, muttering apologies for getting rough. The last thing he cleaned was Gray's ass, being gentle there, seeing a faint bit of blood along with the lube. He peppered kisses over Gray's butt cheeks until finally the ice wizard laughed and yanked him back up.

They held each other, the water sprayed down on them, eyes hazy and dreamy. Suddenly, Natsu lurched forward. He pinned Gray to the tiled wall and kissed him aggressively. His whole body lunged forth, and a possessive growl boiled in his chest.

"Down, dragon," Gray laughed, easing him back. "More later."

Natsu's eyes were still narrow with desire, although his body said this was enough for the moment. He playfully bit Gray's collarbone, dragging his teeth over the skin, not enough to mark him, just to show he was not fully sated yet.

"I know," Gray assured him, "but I need to rest."

Natsu backed off at that. His desires clashed with his body's own weariness. If he physically could, he would have made love to Gray all night.

Except Gray looked sleepy. He rested against Natsu's shoulder as the hot water rained on them. Natsu wrapped his arms around his lover, holding him up in support.

"Sleep?" he asked, and Gray nodded in exhaustion.

Natsu turned off the water, got towels for them both, and they dried off as well as possible. Still a little damp, they went back to the bed. Natsu grabbed the blankets that had gotten shoved aside earlier in their eagerness, and he covered them both. He turned off the lights. The sun had set long ago, and the dark sky outside pitched the room into shadows. Natsu slid closer to Gray in this enshrouding darkness, seeking him out.

This time, Gray was the one to curl into him. "Thank you," he whispered on the edge of sleep.

Natsu ran his fingers through the damp hair and kissed Gray on the forehead. "You're mine, Gray, and I'm yours. Yours alone. I love you so much." He wrapped up Gray's body and rested his chin on the top of the raven head. "So much!"

In barely a minute, Gray's breathing went heavy. Natsu pulled back to gaze at him, and his eyes softened in happiness so intense, he barely understood it. Another tear came to his eye, and he wiped it away.

"I'll always be yours, Gray," he swore.

Natsu shut his eyes with Gray's sleeping face being the last image imprinted in his mind before drifting off into slumber. The moonless night darkened the misty windows, and the amber glow of a street light was the only thing to shine on the two sleeping lovers.

**Next Chapter: "His Dragon"**


	49. His Dragon

_"Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable."_  
_― Bruce Lee_

 

* * *

A pre-morning breeze delicately ruffled the curtains of the open window. The slowly waking daylight turned the sky from black to purple to pink. Gray opened his eyes and blinked out blurriness. He was in his bedroom, yet it felt different. Warmer? Something was to his side. He glanced over, and his gaze rested upon the sleeping Dragon Slayer next to him. Gray had to smile at the thought. He was falling more and more in love with his stupid flame-brain every day, and now…

Images of last night, full of passion and wild love, flooded his mind and made his heart beat faster. None of his past affairs ever left him feeling so at peace and yet so … what was this feeling? Was it simply the feeling of being _in love_? No one had ever affected him the way Natsu did.

Gray caressed the pink strands as he watched Natsu's gentle breathing. Those squinty eyes were relaxed and at peace. Natsu was almost childlike when asleep. It made Gray want to protect him, just as Natsu had so often rescued him.

Minutes passed in silence until a beam of rising sunlight streaked across Natsu's face. Gray tried to move his body to block the light so he could watch a little longer, but the brief flash was enough to rouse the Dragon Slayer. He grumbled something about Happy, stretched with a yawn, then stopped sharply and sniffed the air. His eyes fluttered open in a moment of confusion until he saw Gray. Those blue eyes gazed gently at him, and Natsu grinned in happiness.

Gray's image was incredible! His messy bed hair, that understated smile, his ice princess here with him in the morning, sleeping together in the same bed. Natsu couldn't ask for more!

"Morning, icicle-dick."

Gray snorted a laugh. What an adorable jerk! "Good morning, flame-brain. Your breath stinks."

Natsu flushed and closed his mouth. "W-well … yours, too! And you have crust in the corner of your eye, and you snore, and … and…"

Gray's hands slid down Natsu's body, instantly hushing him. "Yeah? Let me apologize."

Gray leaned in and kissed him. Natsu tried to protest, worried if his breath really did stink. However, Gray pushed his tongue inside and lapped around the fiery mouth. Natsu immediately felt coolness fill him. Gray tasted like mint and snow. Natsu moaned at the different blend of sensations in his mouth, warm and cool.

He suddenly grabbed Gray and flipped him around, slamming him to the pillows and straddling over his hips. They were naked, and Natsu had a morning woody that wanted attention. He rocked his hips against Gray, letting their cocks rub together, his stiff and Gray's flaccid.

"Natsu!" Gray said in shock through the domineering kisses.

"Not inside," Natsu muttered without releasing Gray's lips. "Just … want you."

Gray grabbed Natsu's shoulders, and in a powerful thrust he threw the Dragon Slayer off of him, slamming him to the foot of the bed. Immediately, Gray leaped on top.

"If you do that, I'll get hard, too. Besides, doing it that way will get us both messy." He slid down Natsu's body and settled between his legs. "I'd rather have breakfast before I shower again."

Natsu half-sat up and looked down in shock. "Gray!"

"You licked my blood last night." Gray dragged his tongue up Natsu's cock. "I didn't get to taste you enough."

Wet heat sheathed him, and Natsu groaned as Gray got to work. Natsu loved Gray's mouth, how gentle he was, yet the power of his sucking made him arch up immediately. Now he could compare it, Gray's ass to Gray's mouth. Each was so good, one tight and bonding, the other wet and devouring. Gray could do tricks with his tongue, and Natsu felt him take it in deep, so tight and yet soft.

"G-Gray. So good."

Natsu's groggy voice ladened with lust sent tingles up Gray's skin.

"W-wait. Wait, I'm … shhhhit!"

He came so quickly, he felt humiliated. By a grunt of surprise, Gray was obviously also shocked that his ministrations lasted so briefly. He pulled back with a swallow and saw the flush of shame on Natsu's face.

"That had to have been the quickest blow job in history."

"Shut up!" Natsu rolled off the bed and sat on the edge, hiding his face from Gray. "It's morning. It's always quick then."

"Always?" Gray asked with a sly smirk. He crawled up behind Natsu and wrapped his arms around the surly shoulders. "Do you give yourself a quick jerk every morning?"

"Shut up," he mumbled, feeling even more ashamed.

Gray leaned into his ear. "So do I," he confessed, making his breath chilled to give Natsu goosebumps. "A quick one in the shower … while thinking about you."

Natsu glanced back at him, feeling a little less embarrassed to hear that Gray did the same thing. "Thinking about me, huh?"

"Lately, yeah."

He leaned in and gave Natsu such a soft kiss, the Dragon Slayer hummed with bliss. When Gray pulled back, he looked deep into those eyes, to how the morning light caught the green and the way Natsu's pupils were so large when he was happy like this.

"We don't have anything today, right?"

Natsu shook his head, gazing at Gray's lips and wanting to feel them again.

"Good. I want to spend the day with you, just like this." He caressed Natsu's cheek and watched him sigh while leaning into the gentle hand. "Damn, you're beautiful."

Natsu pulled back with a scowl. "Don't call me _beautiful_ , asshole."

"Can't help it," Gray smiled weakly. "It's not just that you're sexy. I don't need sex to show you that I love you. You know that, right?"

Natsu's eyelids raised a bit, and the brightness in his eyes danced. "I know. I still wanted you as my mate. I just … wanted you. No one else. I don't want anyone but you."

Gray barked out a wry laugh. "You're not going to tell me some bullshit about _Dragon Slayer's mate for life_ , are you?"

Natsu shook his head. "I wish that was the case. I know from stories from Gajeel and Laxus, it's not." He stroked through Gray's hair. "At least, not for them."

Gray felt fire in his heart. Did Natsu mean he wanted Gray … for life?

Natsu's searing fingers grazed over Gray's cheek and traced the pale lips with his thumb, watching how they parted, the little hint of a red tongue inside. Suddenly, Natsu surged forward and kissed Gray. His kisses were strong, needy, and fierce, yet when he pulled back, it was slowly, reluctant to break away. Before their lips fully separated, Natsu opened his eyes to see Gray's relaxed face. As he pulled back, he waited until Gray looked up at him. Then Natsu smiled with happiness.

"About last night," he whispered, running his fingers along Gray's jaw. "Thank you."

Gray chuckled and blushed awkwardly. _Thank you_? Then again, Natsu had been a virgin. He was thanking Gray for being his first and for putting up with any clumsiness. Not sure what to say, Gray just nodded and smiled back. That seemed to be enough to make Natsu's grin widen.

"I'll make you breakfast," Gray offered, and he got off of the bed.

"You, cooking?" Natsu teased, stretching his arms above his head. "Poison after sex, eh?"

Gray wrapped a housecoat around him, found a bathrobe, and tossed that for Natsu to wear. "I happen to cook quite well, thank you very much."

"Shouldn't I be making you breakfast?"

"I'd rather my kitchen not catch on fire."

"Screw you."

Gray laughed and began to walk forward, but he stopped sharply, hissing in a sudden pain. Natsu bolted forward.

"Gray?" he cried out.

He struggled to smile, wanting to tell Natsu he was fine, but the ache would not go away.

Natsu eyed him and chewed his lower lip worriedly. "Your body … was I too rough?"

"I'm fine," he said, but it came out airily and strained.

Natsu sighed and shook his head. "Sit on the couch. I'll make something. Cereal, so there's no cooking involved. That should be okay, right? You should take it easy this morning."

Gray glared over at him, but Natsu looked like he just wanted to help. He also looked slightly guilty, realizing he was the reason Gray ached now. Reluctantly, Gray nodded, and Natsu held onto him as they walked into the main room and settled onto the couch.

"Do you need pillows for your butt?"

"Shut up," grumbled Gray. "Just get me some coffee and food."

They slurped up cereal on the couch while watching comedy shows on the lacrima television. After the bowls were finished and set to the side, Natsu leaned against Gray's shoulder.

"You're really clingy today," Gray teased lightly.

"I just like being close," Natsu muttered, not pulling away. "It's surprising for a snowman like you, but … you're warm."

Gray smiled, feeling so comfortably happy like this. Having Natsu sleep over, eating breakfast together in robes while watching television, cuddling on the couch: such simple things! It was not awkward infatuation or wild love. This was more … _domestic._

"Are you ready for lunch?"

"I can make it." Gray began to rise and stretched.

"Are you sure? If you hurt—"

Gray grabbed Natsu's chin to shut him up. "I feel much better now." He picked up the cereal bowls and walked toward the kitchen. "It not like you're big enough to really hurt me."

"Fuck you!" laughed Natsu. "You should have seen yourself. I thought you were going to pass out from the pain in your ass."

"Well, you _are_ a pain in the ass."

"Go screw yourself!"

Gray swirled around and grabbed Natsu by the hips, yanking him in. In a low and sensual voice, he said, "I don't plan on screwing _myself_ later."

Natsu's mouth dropped, silenced and shocked. Gray sputtered out a laugh and walked away.

"Damn, you are so easy to rile up."

"Like I can help it! Especially when you talk like that."

"Oh?" he smirked. "You want it?"

Natsu pouted and folded his arms petulantly. "Of course I do."

Gray chuckled and decided that was enough teasing. "I'll see how I feel after lunch."

Natsu just nodded. He wanted to give Gray time to recover. After all, despite trying to be considerate and easing into things, he had been a bit rough last night, especially considering it had been Gray's first time being penetrated.

They made a light lunch and returned to the couch to eat there as they watched another show. Natsu actually felt more like scarfing down his food and running off to do some training. Just sitting was not easy for him. Yet when Gray wrapped an arm around him, he could hardly help but snuggle in as they watched a comedy show together.

As the show ended and their plates were emptied, Natsu looked up at Gray. The intensity in those sage-green eyes drew in Gray's attention. He looked down, and he feltlike he was under a spell. Natsu's lips were calling to him. He leaned in, and Natsu's head raised. They had made out on this couch many times before, but this was different. Back then, there was a wall, an invisible barrier. They kissed and touched, but there were limits. Now, all boundaries were gone.

Gray dipped Natsu over, making sure his head rested on pillows. Their legs adjusted, and Gray leaned over him, running his hand up under Natsu's robe. His own housecoat fell to the side, exposing his bare skin. Natsu's burning fingers caressed over muscles as Gray gently kissed him and rocked their bodies together.

Gray felt himself growing stiffer, and Natsu with him. Then he leaned up, breathing heavily. They were all but naked, and Natsu's heated gaze showed him where this was going.

"Bed," whispered Gray.

They both scrambled up and raced to the bedroom before the sensual spell could break. Natsu threw aside the robe and collapsed onto the mattress. Gray dropped the housecoat off his shoulders and pounced on top, crawling over Natsu and kissing every bit of his skin, up his chest, neck, jaw, and to his lips. They paused all other movements, just kissing, tongues intertwining, tasting and savoring the gentle simplicity of a kiss.

Gray raised up. He slid his hand through Natsu's messy hair and down to his flushed cheek. His eyes locked with that blazing stare. Slowly, he leaned in to give those swollen lips the tenderest, most endearing kiss he could muster. He wanted all the feelings he could not articulate with words to shine through with this kiss. When he pulled back, Natsu's eyes were lined with tears.

"Gray," he whispered, overwhelmed by how much passion the ice wizard could express in such a simple act.

Gray leaned in again, kissing sensually this time. He slid his hand down to Natsu's chest, resting over his heart.

"This heart," he began. "It almost gave out once."

Natsu caught his breath. He still had not told Gray why his heart was so weak, the sacrifice he accepted so that Gray could walk again. He had meant to tell him in the morning, but it completely slipped his mind.

"I want to strengthen your heart, Natsu," he said sadly. "I wish I knew how. Knowing that you almost died … it scares the hell out of me. I know now how you felt … with me … that day." It still tormented him, thinking about that horrible battle that left him as good as dead. "But things have changed. This heart is mine now. You gave it to me," he said with happy tears in his eyes. "And I give my heart to you."

Natsu watched in awe as Gray leaned over and kissed right over his heart. Then he leaned back up and stared down with hard, glacial eyes.

"Don't let this heart fail."

He needed to tell him! "Gray, back then…"

"Shhh." He shook his head with a mischievous smile. "Talk later."

"But—"

Gray pressed a finger to his lips. "Later." His hand slipped between their bodies and down to Natsu's erection, stroking him gently. "I want you … now."

Protests fluttered away as Natsu bit his lip to hold back a moan. Gray distracted him with kisses as he felt the tension already building in that warm, muscular body. He did not want another reprise of that morning's brief encounter, so he slid his hands up Natsu's body, slowly coaxing his arms above his head.

Gray broke the kiss as he looked down at his hands locking Natsu's arms securely above the pillows. "I have you now, my dragon."

Natsu's eyes widened. _His dragon!_ He could hardly breathe after hearing Gray say that.

"You're mine, Natsu," he smirked, leaning in with a smug gleam in his hazy eyes. He breathed into Natsu's ear, "All mine."

Natsu tried to free his hands, but Gray held them down with that same arrogant smile. The Dragon Slayer knew he could have easily freed himself, but he loved the thrill of Gray taking control. He had waited so long for Gray to gain this much assertion. If he wanted to do this rough, or wild, or with bondage, any way that made Gray happy, he would let him.

Gray felt immense pleasure in holding him down, like training his dragon to be under his control. He had experimented with bondage with a few girls who liked things a bit wilder, but he was not sure how much Natsu might like. He did not feel like ruining this moment by going too far. So he grabbed the white scarf, still draped across the headboard, and tied Natsu's wrists with that. Natsu could easily slip out this way, but at least for now, Gray liked feeling like he had conquered the Dragon Slayer.

He caressed over Natsu's chest, watching the rapid rise and fall as Natsu stared, wild-eyed but _tamed_ for now. His cold hands traced around Natsu's pectorals, and suddenly his fingers plucked at the stiffened buds. The faintest touch made Natsu moan.

_Damn, so sexy!_

"Natsu."

Gray's voice … that deep voice whispering his name … it was something Natsu wanted to wake up to everyday. Natsu realized, bound up like this, that he had been a prisoner of Gray's for over a year. Long before Gray knew of his feelings, Natsu had been tamed by him. Now, he wanted to give up all self-control. He wanted Gray to do anything at all to him. He wanted to see what sorts of things Gray fantasized about. Although he could have slipped out of the loose knot in the scarf, Natsu left his arms above his head, obediently staying there as Gray's captive. Instead, his legs did the caressing, wrapping around Gray's body, toes stroking along thighs and calves.

Then Gray's mouth went down, licked along the scar on Natsu's neck, and gave a firm yet amatory suck right in the spot where he knew the Dragon Slayer was weakest. Natsu's moans made Gray's heart race. As he raised back up, he caught his breath. Those lips so red and swollen, green eyes heavily lidded and filled with passion, muscular arms trapped above his head, a tamed yet seductive dragon!

He wanted him, wanted to see more and hear more. He wanted to feel himself fill Natsu. Claim him! Mark him as his. _His!_

"How … um … how do you want me to do this?"

Natsu looked up in confusion. Do … this? He gasped softly as he realized what Gray meant. He really did want to top!

"Your fingers need to be wet. Then, um … then touch me inside. You'll need to loosen me up."

"I know that!" Gray snapped. "What position? Should I untie you? Do you want it from behind?"

"Facing each other, like this. Exactly like this." Natsu wanted to look up at Gray as they made love. When Gray glanced down with a slight pinch in his brow, Natsu worried if maybe it sounded too gross, touching another man's ass. "I … I can prep myself if you don't want—"

"I'm not afraid of touching your ass, idiot. I'm afraid of hurting you."

Haughtily, Natsu declared, "You've never once managed to really hurt me in a fight. I doubt you'd be able to now."

That pissed off Gray. He took two fingers into his mouths and vigorously sucked them. Natsu's eyes widened and his face turned red. As Gray brought out his dripping fingers and reached between their bodies, Natsu's breath hitched. Gray rubbed over Natsu's ass, sensing the eagerness, the way it clenched and then relaxed, quivering with anticipation. His cock throbbed as he imagined how tight this would feel around him.

Gray kissed up Natsu's neck and sent goosebumps all over his body. Natsu was so sensitive there, and Gray loved the way he reacted. Slowly, Gray pushed a finger in. Natsu let out a throaty moan and spread his legs more, loosening himself up, wanting this part to happen quickly so he could feel Gray inside of him.

Gray had to stop and regain control. Just knowing his cock would soon follow made him shudder with desire. He had to have him … now! He slowly slipped in the second finger and heard Natsu groan.

"Lube?" he asked, wanting this to feel just as good as Natsu had made it last night.

Natsu yanked his hands out of the binding scarf and recklessly flailed toward the nightstand in eagerness, only to smack the bottle and knock it to the floor. He cursed, but Gray chuckled. What a clumsy boyfriend! Gray pulled his fingers back out, making Natsu whine. He shifted to the edge of the bed and picked the bottle back up.

"You make a mess of everything," Gray chided as he drizzled the thick fluid on. "Try not to make too much of a mess until I'm ready for you."

Gray slipped a finger in again, much smoother now. He was amazed at how the lube eased things. Adding a second finger was simple now. Natsu relaxed his muscles and relished the feeling of having Gray's fingers in him. Soon, very soon, it would be more.

Gray leaned over, encircling the shell of Natsu's ear with his tongue before sucking on his earlobe while his fingers thrust in, careful but needy. He whispered Natsu's name just before sliding his lips down along his neck, nibbling along the taut tendon, sending chills over the Dragon Slayer's feverish skin.

"I want you now, Natsu. I want to have you. I want to…" He breathed into his ear. "…claim you."

Natsu's eyes widened and his voice hitched. "Gray!"

Gray pushed his fingers in as deep as he could go, searching for that same place Natsu had touched that felt so amazing. Natsu could barely hold still, panting, his forehead glistening with sweat as hot breaths steamed out of his mouth. He grabbed Gray at the back of his head, burying his hand in his raven locks as the other went down to grope Gray's erection.

Gray needfully thrust into Natsu's hand. He needed that friction so desperately. He attacked Natsu's mouth, far rougher than he had meant, biting his lip and tasting blood. Natsu did not cry out. Instead, he sneered like an animal.

Last night, he bit Gray. Now, Gray had bit him. Marking each other in such a bestial way made his body heat up even more.

Then Natsu jolted with a cry of surprise and lust. Gray's fingers had finally found their target. The pleasure was too much, and Natsu's grip on Gray's cock tightened.

"Ow! Dammit, too hard!" he snapped.

He let go and grabbed at Gray's back instead, digging his nails in and clawing hard. Gray groaned at the unexpected and erotic pain.

Natsu's voice trembled as he tried to speak. "Now, Gray. D-do it. Claim me already!"

"Always demanding," Gray chuckled, not hurrying up yet.

"I can't help it." He squirmed on the sheets. "I need you. Fill me until my ass burns. Bite me, mark me, make me scream, just _God_ , do it soon! I need it so badly, Gray."

Natsu did not notice how dirty he was talking and how those words affected Gray, making his cock twitch. Gray had to grab himself tight to choke off the need to release, and he panted as he fought to control himself. Those words, and seeing Natsu lying under him in a complete mess, all because of him, overwhelmed him.

"Please … dammit, please, now!"

Gray smirked to hear him begging. He pulled his fingers out and reached over to the nightstand, pulling out a condom. Gray ripped open the condom packet and rolled it on. Then he grabbed himself, more than ready to thrust in.

"W-wait! The lube." Natsu nodded to the bottle resting on the rumpled blankets. "It … it helps. Even with a condom, it helps."

Gray pulled back and chuckled. "Getting sex lessons from a guy who was a virgin just yesterday. Shit."

"Well, you've never done it up an ass, right?"

Gray's brow flinched, and he stayed quiet as he picked up the lube and flicked open the cap.

Natsu cringed slightly. "Oh," he whispered. Gray had! Probably with one of the women in the past. Then this was not new to him.

Gray saw the frown and shook his head. They could not do this if Natsu was feeling disappointed. He set the lube bottle aside, cupped both of Natsu's cheeks, and made him look up.

"I've never made love to a man before," he said softly. "If I'm doing anything wrong, tell me. This once, you can order me around. But only this time! Because I've never done this with a man, and you need to tell me how to do it in a way you like best."

Natsu realized what Gray was _not_ saying, though. He had tried anal sex before. However, that was then, and with a woman. This was now, and it was the two of them. It was different this time. It was a first: the first time Gray would make love to a man as the one on top.

Gray reached for the lube again and slicked the condom-covered cock. Natsu rested his head on the pillow, with his knees in the air, waiting in anticipation as he watched Gray being so diligent. Too diligent! As Gray used his fingers to spread the lube onto himself, Natsu made an impatient whine.

Gray glanced up at the noise and smirked. "I want to be ready for you."

"And I want you in my ass already!" Natsu snapped.

"Why so desperate?" Gray capped the lube, set it aside, and then crawled on top of Natsu, caging him in. "Are you afraid that I'll run away at this point? You're an idiot, but you're not _that_ stupid."

"I _am_ afraid," grumbled Natsu. "Now about you, but about me, if I'll be good enough, so while I'm good and prepped I wanna do this."

"You'll be fine," Gray assured him, and he kissed Natsu tenderly. "Let me take my time. Please," he whispered.

He continued to kiss Natsu without touching, even when the Dragon Slayer reached up and yanked on Gray's hips, he kept his body up.

"Gray, _fuck_ me!" he cried out in frustration. "Fuck me as hard as you want. Fuck me until I forget who I am."

"No."

"What!" he cried out.

Gray glared down at him. "I won't fuck you."

Natsu's mouth dropped in a squawk of protest, but Gray playfully bopped him on the nose.

"I'm going to make love to you. Slowly, not fast. And not until you forget anything. Nope, I'm going to make you remember. Remember it all, Natsu. Everything that led to this moment."

Natsu looked up, stunned and melting at the romantic words. It all flashed through his mind again, the pain, the loneliness, the frustration, feeling rejected, feeling desperate, determined, forsaken, and finally accepted, elation, relief, love!

He dropped his face to hide his blush. Damn this iceman for making him feel this way!

Gray smiled at the bashfulness and kissed Natsu's pink cheek. He was remembering it all, too. Over a year of pain, misery, depression so bad that he nearly gave up on life. He had been saved by Natsu, over and over again. He wanted to thank him, yet words … there were none, not for all Natsu did for him. He leaned over, kissed him, and finally pressed his cock up against the entrance. Then he whispered against those fiery lips.

"Remember this moment, right now, and don't you ever forget it."

Their eyes locked, green and blue. Gray reached down to grip himself steady, and Natsu braced himself, neither looking away. Gray held his breath as he guided himself inside.

"Ah! Ahhh!" Natsu gripped the sheets as he squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip. However, he forced his eyes open again, watching Gray, forcing himself to watch and remember everything about this moment.

Gray felt his cock squeeze into the tightness, the hole clenching and relaxing to take more of him in. He groaned as the tight walls slowly swallowed him, but he forced himself to keep looking at Natsu. Both of their eyes were tight from pain and pleasure, but they did not look away, as if they had both silently challenged one another in a staring contest.

"God, Natsu! You're so hot … and _tight_."

Natsu panted as he focused on relaxing his muscles. Gray was filling him up, claiming him! He wanted all of him inside!

Gray finally had to break the steady gaze and drop his head. He was not sure what he had imagined it would feel like. Maybe he had done this once before, but it had been awkward, just some random woman, no deep emotion to it. This time, though … this was _Natsu_. It was almost painfully hot inside his body, yet surprisingly comforting. Natsu managed to relax as if it was second nature. Maybe he had practiced to get to this point. Gray did not know, nor did he care anymore. If Natsu had trained under a professional so sex would be good, then Gray would honor that dedication now by making his first time being penetrated as perfect and memorable as he possibly could.

Gray opened his eyes and looked down at his cock disappearing into Natsu's ass.

He had claimed his dragon!

A drop of sweat slid down his forehead. His cock twitched inside that hot tightness. He tried to calm his racing heart, wanting Natsu to get used to the feeling. His thoughts got disrupted when he felt Natsu's hips pushing up and tightening his ass around him.

"I'm good. Please, Gray … please!"

Gray slowly pulled back. Natsu whined, already wanting to be filled again. Gray slid out until the head of his cock was barely inside, then he plunged back in, all in one motion, pushing Natsu slightly back up the mattress.

"Gah! Gray!"

The cock slid in and out of the tightness, pushing deeper and deeper in a slow, steady motion. The room filled with sensual sounds, Natsu's moans of pleasure, Gray's exerted panting, and the slick sound of their bodies conjoining. There were no words, nothing to sully the moment. It was just them, making love, pleasuring each other in one of the most intimate ways possible.

Natsu wanted more, to have Gray fuck him senseless, yet he also enjoyed Gray's way of making love. Slow, steady.

Making love to _him_.

With every thrust, Gray felt his heart swelling with love. They were tangled in each other's bodies in a perfect union, with Natsu's legs higher, holding Gray's sides.

Suddenly, Natsu reached down, grasped Gray's ass until his fingertips dug in, and he yanked Gray to force him to go faster. Gray groaned at being thrown off his rhythm. In a little revenge, he slammed in hard and held it there. Natsu screamed in pleasure. Gray raised his body a little higher, and when he did, Natsu arched up as his fingers dug in deep bruises to Gray's ass.

"Yes! There, do it there! Oh God!"

Gray groaned and whispered, "I swear, Natsu, you're too damn hot." He grabbed Natsu's butt cheeks and thrust strongly at the same angle, getting out louder cries and feeling Natsu clawing up his back.

Suddenly, Gray pulled out and raised up, gritting his teeth to hold back.

"Hey!" Natsu cried out, stunned that they stopped.

"Not yet," Gray seethed, gulping down his body's demands. He kissed Natsu and licked down his neck to his chest. "Not yet," he repeated, and he suckled one of the tensed teats.

"Dammit, Gray!" Natsu roared, frustrated that they stopped just as he was ready.

"I'm not done." Gray crawled lower and licked up some drips of pre-cum from Natsu's belly. Then his tongue dragged around the erection, licking up the clear, musky drips. "Seriously, you're so messy," he teased.

"Gray," Natsu whimpered. "Dammit, don't … don't make me beg."

"You've been begging all along," he chuckled. "You don't need to. I'll get to you." He licked excruciatingly slow up Natsu's cock. "Eventually!"

"Graaaay," he whined.

He ignored the desperation and began a languid suck, knowing full well that he was denying Natsu the speed he needed. He wanted to cool them both off, make it last, and enjoy it.

Gray glanced up while sucking and almost laughed. A year ago, he never would have imagined he could fall for a man. A month ago, even just a week ago, the thought of having sex with a man left him with doubts. Now here he was, falling deeper and deeper into this fiery pit with such a seductive little demon in his bed.

"I love you."

The declaration came so unexpectedly and so brimming with ardor, Natsu gasped. Such intensity in Gray's eyes, such ice-hard fervency, left the Dragon Slayer unsure what to say in return. He could always say _I love you_ back to him, but his throat choked up. Words alone were not enough.

Instead, Natsu grabbed Gray's cheeks and pulled him up closer, sitting halfway up to meet him in a kiss. Gray nipped his lips softly, then eased his tongue out. Natsu cringed at the taste of his own pre-cum, but Gray kissed harder, pushing Natsu back down onto the pillows. They grappled. Natsu grabbed into the black hair, pulled Gray down with him, kissing him with all the fiery passion he could. He grabbed Gray's shoulders, rolled them, and straddled on top. Finally, he broke off the kiss, panting, but his heart felt ready to say it.

"I love you, too."

It was almost a growl, almost a purr, animalistic and yet as gentle as a trained pet.

His dragon!

Natsu lifted his hips and slid down onto Gray, piercing himself with a throaty moan. As he met Gray's eyes again, it was not the gaze of submission. Far from it! It was a demanding glare, and Gray merely nodded in agreement. He could ride on top if he wanted.

Natsu braced his hands on Gray's chest as he swiveled his hips, thrust in much deeper than he could reach the other way. He shuddered as this new position gave him the chance to rub inside exactly where he needed it.

"N-Natsu … slow down."

Natsu barely heard him. His blood was rushing, heart pounding, his head felt light and all he wanted was to slam his ass down onto Gray's cock.

"Natsu!"

He jolted at the shout. Gray was cringing, struggling to hold back.

"Goddammit, at least pay attention. That's it, you don't get to ride on top until you learn how to pace yourself. Get off me."

Natsu frowned as he pulled off and climbed off of Gray. "I'm not a turtle like you."

"No, you're a flame-brain, and you're going to burn out too quickly." He sighed, not meaning to chide him. "Come here." He pulled Natsu down into his chest and cuddled side by side. "I'm glad you like it, but I'd like to really enjoy this. If we finish off too soon, it'll take a while to get a second wind."

Natsu knew he was right and pouted at being scolded. "I just … really like it. You feel good inside. It hurts to hold back."

"Then I still need to train my dragon." Gray smiled as he caressed the inflamed cheeks. "You … really do like it?"

"Yeah!" Natsu exclaimed. "Your cock's amazing!"

Gray burst out a laugh. Seriously, this idiot boyfriend! "If you like it that much, let me use it how I want to."

Natsu nodded, rolled onto his back, and raised his knees in offering. Gray moved back into position, kissed Natsu, and thrust back in.

Natsu no longer complained that Gray was taking this slow. It was simply his way of making love, and rather than complain, Natsu observed it.

This was Gray's lovemaking!

Slow, gentle, touching everywhere, stroking circles across his chest, his sensual cool touch, but thrusting so languidly. It left Natsu on edge, craving more and starving…

Like a winter wolf!

This was the hunger of winter, the hushed fall of snow piling up, building gradually, slowly, yet constantly increasing.

He was _summer_ , hot and wild and adventurous. Gray was _winter_ , a gelid solemnity where the world slowed down, leaving you shivering.

Natsu was trembling now. Gray's slow pace tortured him. His fists tore at the bedsheets. He tried to hold back, tried to simply enjoy it, but his body said otherwise. It had enough, and there was nothing he could do to stop the inevitable.

"Gray!" he screamed.

It was time! Gray sped up, slamming in hard. He was no longer the gentle fall of flurries, but a raging blizzard. Natsu's whole body arched, and he reached down, stroking himself, not caring if Gray told him not to. He needed it. Now!

Gray let him, though. He was more focused on himself, plunging into that heat, the way Natsu tightened on him, more and more, clenching as he drew near. So hot! Too much! Natsu was melting him, the summer melting winter into the gushing of spring floods, or maybe the winter cooling off blazing summer into the rains of autumn.

It didn't matter which way. Both collisions resulted in the same. Wetness!

He slammed in with a soft growl, an airy grunt, and pleasure … gushing relief at last. That slow build was worth it, edging himself until the finale was more intense. Gray could hardly hear or think of anything beside how amazing it felt to finally get the release his body craved, and to find it in the man he loved.

When he looked down, Natsu's hand had already flopped to the side, white splattered on his belly, his face flushed but relaxed, so sleepily pleased. Gray memorized that face, such debauched beauty, with sweat darkening his pink hair, the moistness of happy tears clumping his eyelashes, a flush to his whole body, and clear white dripping between abdominal muscles like a milky river between valleys.

"You're so amazing," he sighed, then laughed and added, "…damn fire bastard."

Natsu opened his eyes and saw the glow to Gray's cheek, like spring sakura, or maybe the redness of autumn maple leaves. Summer and winter always collided into either spring or autumn.

"That was incredible," he replied softly, and also added, "…shitty snowman stripper."

Gray chuckled, amazed that he could feel this happy with Natsu. He caressed through damp pink hair, admiring him and feeling overwhelmed with joy. He slipped out and collapsed onto the mattress beside Natsu. Instantly, hot arms were around him, and Natsu cuddled into his chest.

"I love you, Gray." He felt tears in his eyes again. "Dammit! I love you."

Gray just smiled at the aggressive gentleness. What a complex boyfriend he had!

Natsu raised up onto an elbow. "You're not falling asleep on me, are you?"

"No," he sighed. "Just … resting."

Natsu smirked haughtily. "Did I wear out my ice princess?"

"Shut up," Gray chuckled, weakly socking his shoulder. "You're the one out of breath, flame-brain. Am I too good for you to handle?"

Natsu laughed that they could still have this easy bantering after everything that happened in the past few hours. "You're panting too, you know."

Gray hummed, knowing his lungs were desperate for air. "That's because this was the best sex I've ever had."

"I bet you always say that."

"No," Gray replied, looking at Natsu with seriousness. "It really was … because I've never fallen in love before. This was my first time _making love_."

Natsu's mouth dropped. He had never thought about it that way. Gray might have had a busy past, but that had been just sex, carnal releases, nothing more. Realizing he was Gray's first love, and what that must mean when it came to intimacy, made this whole thing so much more special, beyond what Natsu already had thought about it.

It was not just Natsu's first time being penetrated. It was Gray's first time making love to someone he deeply care for.

Gray saw the way Natsu's face turned red, and he found himself blushing as well. What a thing to say! But it was true. He had felt that way from the moment he realized their make-out on the couch was leading to sex. He knew this was not just another romp on the bed. He would be _making love_ for the first time in his life.

"Natsu…" He leaned in to give him a sensual kiss and whispered hotly as their lips gently caressed together. "I love you, Natsu. My dragon."

Natsu felt his chest tighten as he tried to hold back tears of happiness. "I love you, too. Always. I need you." He reached out and held Gray's cheek. "Damn, I need you!"

Gray smiled and smugly replied, "Can't live without me, huh?"

Natsu playfully slapped Gray's ass. "Shut up."

They both chuckled as they leaned in again for a kiss.

Natsu felt more happy than any other time in his life. He was a bonded mate now, and his mate was none other than Gray Fullbuster, the one who claimed him as _his dragon_!

**Next Chapter: "The Sound of a Kiss"**


	50. The Sound of a Kiss

_"The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer."_  
_― Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr._

 

* * *

Gray listened to the streaming water in the other room. Natsu hummed as he washed. Gray had already showered, letting Natsu rest and recover while he cleaned off sweat and lube. Now Natsu sounded so happy washing up, and Gray rested on the bed, still buzzing with the afterglow.

He would need to change the sheets. Later. He felt tired, relaxed, and…

And so _in love_.

That had to be this feeling. Love!

His fingers caressed the pillow Natsu had slept on. A fallen pink strand rested on the cotton cover. Gray swiped it aside, leaned in, and inhaled the pillow.

It smelled like Natsu!

So did his sheets, the whole room, probably the whole house was filled with his scent. Gray did not have a nose that could detect such things. He just knew his bed smelled like Natsu, that campfire musk with a hint of cinnamon. It made his cheeks hot as he played through memories of the past two days.

The water turned off, and Gray stopped nuzzling the pillow like some besotted idiot. A few moments later, Natsu walked out wearing snowflake boxers that hung loose on his hips, a purple palm-print shirt left unbuttoned and hanging open, and a towel across his shoulders as he continued to rub out his wet hair. Gray's mouth dropped as he saw _his clothes_ on Natsu.

"Why the hell are you wearing that?" he cried out.

Natsu looked down at the clothes, then up in confusion. "My clothes are dirty from yesterday. You haven't washed them yet, have you?"

Gray opened his mouth but shut it with a low growl. "You should ask before taking someone's clothes. I wasn't ready for that."

Natsu cocked his head to the side. "Huh? Ready for what?"

"You! Seeing … that." He emphatically waved at Natsu's body.

"Would you rather I walk around naked?"

"At least I've _seen_ you naked. I've never seen you wearing my clothes."

Natsu pouted. "Are you that mad?"

"N-no! No, I'm not mad. It's just … it's … dammit, never mind. I don't care if you wear my clothes. Just ask next time."

He scowled and looked away. He was not at all mad. He found it sensual, seeing Natsu in his clothes, walking around with his boxers hanging off his hips, hitching them up every few steps.

"Do we need to go to the guild today?"

Gray blinked and forced himself to stop staring at Natsu's ass. "I don't think so. Maybe we can do something. I was thinking we could go out, get something nice to eat, walk around the apple grove while the fruit is ripe…"

"No," Natsu said quickly. "No, we … we should stay in."

"Are you okay?" he asked in concern.

Natsu flopped on the bed and curled up next to Gray. "You shouldn't go out. I'll get food. Just … um … stay inside. Rest. You should definitely rest."

Gray's brow furrow. "What the hell is wrong with you? If anything, you should be the one to rest."

"Seriously, relax. Let your body heal."

Gray barked out a laugh. "My body's fine."

Natsu's lips twisted into a sideways pout. He reached forward and touched a spot on Gray's neck.

"Ow!" He reached up and rubbed out the ache.

"You didn't look in the mirror, did you?"

Gray leaped up and ran to his mirror. He saw marks all over his neck and shoulders, red and purple blemishes on his chest, stomach, and thighs. "What the hell? What … oh my God, so many!"

Natsu nibbled on the tip of his finger. "I might have gotten carried away."

Gray glared, but then he walked back to the bed. "If that's what you're worried about, you shouldn't leave either." His fingers traced along Natsu's jawbone and down the neck. "Even with your scarf, you'll have a problem hiding all of those."

Natsu's eyes flashed up. "I like them, though. They show I'm yours."

Gray smirked and straddled over his hips. "You want something to let people know we're together?"

Natsu blushed and turned his face away. "M-maybe. Like … something you gave to me, doesn't matter what, just something to show you want me … I guess. I don't know," he pouted, embarrassed to be saying such uncool things.

Gray's heart fluttered in happiness. He got up again, walked over to his dresser, and picked up his sword pendant necklace. Then he returned to Natsu and draped the silver chain around his neck.

Natsu bolted up in bed and gawked as the pendant laid on his chest. "Gray! But … this is your favorite necklace."

He took a seat beside him and placed his hand over Natsu's. "That's why I want you to wear it. Everyone knows that's my necklace, and now they'll know you're my boyfriend."

Natsu's hand trembled as he touched the pendant. "But this … it's…" He scowled and turned away. "It's not fair! I don't have anything I can give to you."

Gray chuckled at his surly attitude and wrapped his arms around Natsu. "Then keep marking my body."

Natsu chuckled and reached around Gray, digging his nails into his back. "I will!" His fingers slowly clawed down his spine. "Until I can get you something, I'll mark you. But you heal quickly. I may need to mark you a few times a day."

Gray chuckled as he saw the lust burning in Natsu's eyes. "Insatiable horny bastard."

Their faces drew closer, their lips met, and the sound of their kiss was like a cannon in the room that marked the beginning of a race. Natsu grabbed Gray and flipped him hard onto the bed.

"I really will mark you everywhere," he warned, licking his shoulder and giving it a bite.

Gray hissed and put his fist to his mouth to hold back the moan. "I want it."

Fire blazed in Natsu's eyes. _His!_ He slithered down to Gray's hips where he had bit hard before. The wound had healed, leaving teeth marks scabbed into the flesh. Natsu went over to the other hip and bit there, piercing in deeply.

Gray screamed, pulled away from the pain, but claws held his torso in place. Natsu raised up, blood on his lips, a wild grin, animal-like eyes, and a fierce dragon's smile.

"My mate," he declared.

Gray gulped. Shit! He was hard again.

Just then, Gray's lacrima phone beeped. Natsu jolted back as if caught doing something naughty. Gray growled in frustration. _Worst timing ever!_ He rolled over, flinching from the pain, and checked the phone.

"It's Erza," he said in surprise. There was no way he could ignore a call from her, so he answered it. "Gray here."

"We have an emergency mission. We need to leave today."

Natsu and Gray exchanged looks. Neither one was truly ready for a fight after all the sex.

"Are you there?"

"Y-yeah. Um … so, what time?"

"I still need to secure train tickets. Do you know where Natsu is?"

Gray looked over to his boyfriend. "Yeah, he's here."

"Good. Be ready to leave." The phone clicked off.

"A mission," muttered Natsu. "Dammit, I don't feel like fighting. I'm horny and my ass hurts."

Gray laughed and collapsed back onto the pillows. "Same here. And now both of my hips hurt."

"Sorry," Natsu muttered.

"Nah, I liked it. Just bad timing. We can't even really go to a healer for this."

"Hell no!"

They gazed at one another. Gray really did want Natsu to take him again, suck on him, _anything_. Natsu looked ready to do it, too, but then he glanced at the phone. He debated incurring the wrath of Erza in order to satisfy his hunger.

Nope. Never a good idea.

Gray closed his eyes as his arousal whithered away. "I don't know about you, but I need food."

"I need to clean my clothes."

"You do laundry, I'll fix something. I'll pack up some things for a trip as well."

"Gray?"

He hummed and looked over, only to be kissed by fiery lips. His mind forgot about missions and focused solely on the softness of that mouth. He leaned back, and Natsu straddled over him. However, he kept his hips up, not grinding. It was just a kiss.

Natsu pulled back, and his green eyes gleamed. "I have something I need to tell you before we go, but it's not something you're going to like."

Gray felt a shiver of dread. "You're not planning on breaking up now, are you?"

"No! No, nothing like that. It … it's about…" He scowled and looked aside.

"Hey, you figure out how to tell me, I'll make food, we'll talk while we eat. We should probably be ready for Erza to call again at any minute."

Natsu nodded and gathered up his clothes as well as the messy sheets. He started the laundry and laid out fresh sheets for the bed.

He needed to tell Gray about his heart. Although it was bound to cause problems, maybe the mission would give Gray time to soak in the truth. Natsu placed his hand over his chest. Just thinking about confessing his sacrifice to Gray made his heart pound with dread.

What if this was enough to make Gray want to break up?

Still, he _needed_ to tell Gray. It was only fair, and it was the loving thing to do.

"Just go out there and say it," he muttered to himself. " _Gray, I healed your leg by using my magic to power that machine, but the stress damaged my heart. That's why I had a heart attack and needed surgery. I wanted you to walk again, but I almost died to heal you._ Dammit, I can't tell him that."

He walked over to where he could see Gray in the kitchen. For some reason, he had stripped naked except for an apron. Natsu spent a few minutes gazing over Gray's body and the marks left on it. He did not want to lose Gray, and telling him the truth was risky.

Was it lust that kept him quiet? From the start, he wanted this to be _love_ , not _lust_.

The loving thing would be to tell Gray. This was a serious matter. Gray deserved to know precisely why Natsu's heart gave out and was still weak.

"Gray." He strode forward, determined now. "It's about your leg."

Gray continued to cut sandwiches. "It's feeling fine. I think I've regained all the strength I lost as well."

"No, I mean … about that machine…" He hesitated again, and his face drew up.

Gray stopped and looked around. "What is it?"

Natsu bit his lip. He looked across the room at Gray. It would be fine. He would tell him and it would all be over. No more secrets.

"The machine that healed you … it worked off magic. _My_ magic."

"You powered it?"

Natsu slowly nodded his head.

Gray laughed with an amazed smile. "I thought you just took off, you bastard. You should have told me."

Natsu flinched. "No … you see…"

The door banged open and Erza marched in. "Good news. We can leave immediately. I hope you're packed and ready to…"

She saw Gray wearing nothing more than an apron and Natsu wearing Gray's clothes. Then she also noticed all the hickeys on both of them and some fading scratch marks. Erza's cheeks went bright red.

"My apologies. I didn't realize you two … that maybe you were … I hope I didn't interrupt anything earlier when I called."

Natsu quickly yanked his shirt together to hide the hickeys, but he knew it was too late.

Calmly, Gray asked, "Do we have a few minutes to dress and eat?"

"Not really. The train leaves in half an hour."

Gray looked over to Natsu. "Get those clothes out of the washing machine. Wear them dirty if you have to."

"But Gray…"

"We'll talk on the train."

Natsu shut his mouth, but at least this gave him more time to think about how to tell Gray. He trotted off to fetch the laundry and dry it with his flames.

"Um…" Erza stepped in and got closer to Gray. "Which one of you … that is … who would be at a … a _disadvantage_ if it came to a fight?"

Gray laughed at her awkward way of asking. "Both of us."

"Both!" she cried out. "I … I see. Well, you two can rest on the train. I got us a private sleeper car. It'll be a long ride."

In the bedroom, Natsu dressed in wet, half-clean clothes and groaned at the threat of extended motion sickness.

* * *

They were a few hours into their trip, and it was already dark. Natsu and Wendy laid curled on beds in their sleeper car, moaning with motion sickness. Natsu could barely get three words out without throwing up, let alone tell Gray anything. Lucy, Carla, and Happy looked after the sick Dragon Slayers while Erza and Gray went to the food car to fetch dinner.

"So, what is this mission?" Gray finally asked her now that they were away from the vomiting Dragon Slayer and could talk.

Erza's eyes darkened slightly. She grabbed a plate and began to pile on food to take back for the others. "Do you remember the dark guild we defeated last year? They … gave us a hard time."

Gray jolted, almost dropping his dinner plate, and looked over to her. "You mean … _that fight_?"

She nodded, worried about how personal this would be to Gray. "It seems the dregs of their guild banded together under the guild master and are causing problems. They are purposely demanding Fairy Tail to come fight them. Apparently, Quatro Cerberus sent a couple of wizards to deal with the problem, but they returned … severely injured."

She did not have the heart to tell Gray the real outcome, not with his memories of facing these guys a year ago. Bacchus was barely hanging onto life, and the other wizard who went with him was now minus a limb. Erza glanced down at Gray's leg. No, she _couldn't_ tell him that part.

Gray shook his head. "But we defeated their master."

"Yes, but not the _heir_ to the guild."

Gray's eyebrow arched. "An heir? We weren't told that the master had family."

"It wasn't the master's kid. It was the son of one of the founding wizards. He wasn't there when we fought. I overheard while the army arrested the dark wizards, many of them claimed that if some man by the name of Mallumo had been there, we all would have been dead in an instant. They claimed his magic rivals the Ten Wizard Saints."

Gray huffed out a wry laugh. "We've heard _that_ claim before," he said as he piled fish onto his plate. At least Happy would like that food, even if Natsu was too sick to eat. He paused with a serious expression. "Still, he must be powerful if he's the guild master's heir. You fought that guy, and he was pretty tough. Hell, even that old bastard I fought was damn powerful. We can't underestimate them."

Erza cautiously glanced over to him. "Trust me, we won't this time. With these bastards calling out Fairy Tail, and Quatro Cerberus can't even handle them … perhaps it was brash of me, but I really do feel like we need to finish this." She gave Gray a worried smile. "Especially for you. The whole team wanted revenge for what they did to you, but the fight was over. This is our chance to pay them back."

Gray smirked and patted where the hole in his gut had once been. "I wouldn't mind a little revenge myself. All those months in the hospital, nearly a year in a wheelchair … I've got a lot of anger pent up against them. That Mallumo bastard is going to wish he had stayed in hiding."

Erza nodded, proud of his attitude. "I'm glad you're confident about this. Now, please put your clothes back on. You still have hickeys all over you."

Gray looked down and only then realized he had flung his shirt off while talking. "Crap! When did I do that?"

Erza chuckled as he searched around for his shirt, but her eyes tensed up. She had held back one vital bit of information.

Mallumo was not really calling out _Fairy Tail_.

He was calling out _Natsu Dragneel_.

Natsu: the man who killed Mallumo's father … who had been the old wizard who almost killed Gray.

They were about to face the son of the man who left Gray half-dead and paralyzed. He was out for revenge against the Fire Dragon Slayer who burned his father to death, and he probably wanted to finish off the ice wizard his father had failed to kill.

* * *

In the sleeper car, Natsu slept fitfully. Lucy dabbed his forehead with a cool cloth, but she also had to deal with poor Wendy, who was still not used to motion sickness. Happy sat near Natsu, petting him with a worried frown.

"He sure has a lot of bruises."

Lucy bit her lip, not wanting to explain precisely what sort of bruises _those types_ were. Natsu could explain it later. Still, she hoped Natsu would be okay. She was there when Makarov told them about this dark guild reemerging and seeking vengeance. She felt they should not have brought Natsu at all, but Erza felt it was only fair that he be there to face this man. After all, Natsu went overboard back then. He had killed someone. He should face the consequences and fight honorably. Besides, bringing Gray but not Natsu was now probably impossible. The two were in love and inseparable.

Both Gray and Natsu deserved their revenge, and this Mallumo guy deserved to face the wizard who defeated and killed his father.

"Natsu," she whispered in worry. "Don't do anything stupid."

Natsu's face drew up. "Gray," he moaned, twisting in bed fitfully. "No … Gray … won't let you … ugh … no."

Lucy sighed and dabbed his forehead some more. "You really would go to any length to protect him. Just don't make him go to extreme lengths to protect you this time."

Natsu groaned and twisted, tortured with nightmares.

The train chugged on through the shadowy night, bringing them closer to an even deeper darkness.

**Next Chapter: "The Sons of Darkness"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Mallumo means "darkness" in Esperanto._


	51. The Sons of Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This dark guild faced Fairy Tail once before and lost over half their members, including their guild master. Now the successor has control, and he is out for revenge against his father's murderer: none other than Natsu Dragneel, who burned the old man to death (in Chapter 1) for nearly killing Gray.

_"Safe in the womb_  
_Of an everlasting night_  
_You find the darkness can_  
_Give the brightest light._  
_Safe in your place_  
_Deep in the earth_  
_That’s when they’ll know_  
_What you were truly worth."_  
_― "Fruit Tree," Nick Drake_  


 

* * *

A man dressed in jet black armor stepped into a cave. Inside was vast and well-lit, the walls glittering with the flames from numerous torches. People milled about within the cavern, sharpening weapons and drinking strong alcohol. The dark soldier stomped through the group to a side room separated by a bead curtain, leading to another smaller hollow within the cave system. There, two guards lowered weapons to block his entry.

"I'm expected," he told them coldly.

"Mallumo is in meditation," a guard warned.

From inside the room came a voice. "It's all right, brothers. Let him pass."

The guards instantly obeyed, and the soldier brushed aside the beaded curtain, marched through a rough stone tunnel, and entered a small chamber of pale limestone. The air was rank with the smell of candle wax, and the glittering walls had been blackened from the smoke drifting up from hundreds of tiny flames. Just before coming to a handwoven black rug, he stopped and pounded his fist to his chest in salute.

"Lord Mallumo."

In the center of the room was a man in his early forties with long, straight, dark-indigo hair down to his waist. He knelt by an altar with a gold-framed photograph of an old man. His black robes edged with silver trim spread around him in a circle of darkness.

"Show respect when you enter the shrine, Daegan."

Instantly, his armor flashed, vanished, and he wore a simple black tunic with a symbol of a silver outline of a mother all black embracing a dark purple baby. It was the guild mark of the Sons of Darkness, a dark guild of Eastern Fiore.

The man named Daegan dropped to one knee in honor before the shrine. "My sincere apologies for any rudeness, my lord."

"Please," the man named Mallumo sighed, "I have told you many times, I don't go by the lofty title my predecessor deemed to take. I follow in my father's humble footsteps. Call me brother, if you wish to call me anything."

"You are master of this guild," the dark soldier called Daegan protested.

Mallumo turned around and gazed at Daegan with narrow, jet black eyes. He had a lean, pale face, a long goatee with a few silver hairs streaking through the black-indigo color, and a scar ran over his cheekbone just under his eye. This was a stark contrast to the man in front of him, with his burgundy hair, mocha skin, and a flawlessness to his youthful face that proved no enemy had yet to hurt him, let alone defeat him.

"I do not deserve to be called _master_ yet," Mallumo said sternly, "not until I have the head of the man who murdered my father."

"About that. We have news. A group from Fairy Tail have left Magnolia on a train heading in this direction. Natsu Dragneel was with them."

Mallumo's scarred cheek twitched at the name. "Natsu!" he hissed.

"There is more, my lord. With him is the man your father fought that day: Gray Fullbuster."

"Yes, I heard he survived. Not only that, but he miraculously healed from the wounds my father gave him. Now, he has nary a scratch to show for it, whereas I only managed to recognized my father's charred remains through this ring." He held up his fist to show an onyx ring on his finger. "Both wizards are coming?"

"Yes, my lord. With them are three other wizards and two of those talking cats."

"Prepare the guild. Muster those mercenaries we hired. The one who brings me a Fairies' head gets ten million Jewels apiece. I want them dead, and I don't care how. Do _not_ take any of them lightly. They defeated our brothers, after all. However, leave Natsu Dragneel and Gray Fullbuster to me." He looked down at the ring. "I must finish what my father started. He nearly took off that ice wizard's leg. I will cut him down limb by limb, one at a time, before I finally take his head. There will be no miraculous recoveries for him _this_ time. And I will make my father's murderer suffer in ways he never imagined possible until he pleads for death. Daegan, you will lead the troops against the redhead swordswoman I've heard about who is always with Natsu."

"Erza Scarlet, my lord. She was indeed seen with their group, as well as a blond celestial spirit wizard and the child Dragon Slayer."

"Very well. Let the mercenaries deal with the child. Our troops should be able to keep the blond at least busy. I trust no one but you to deal with the Scarlet woman."

Daegan smirked with building excitement. "I have long wanted to cross blades with Erza, see who has the quicker Requip ability."

Mallumo chuckled proudly. "When it comes to speed, none can beat you; however, her arsenal may be larger. Take five hundred thousand Jewels, buy anything you think may give you an edge in your fight against her."

"For eight hundred thousand, I could buy a certain dark magic armor that will guarantee her defeat."

"Granted. Round it to a million and splurge to your heart's delight. Money is not my concern. The hoard my predecessor accumulated did nothing to save him, nor could my father's wealth bring him back from the grave. So use the money, prepare the troops, and crush the Fairies who made our brothers and sisters suffer."

"Understood!" he said, pounding his chest again. As he stood, his black tunic flashed and changed into civilian clothes with a deep hooded cloak. "I shall inform the troops and return in three hours, my lord." Then he strode away in a hurry.

Mallumo sighed and shook his head. "I told you, don't call me _lord_. I'm not worthy of a title yet."

He turned back around to the altar and clasped his hands together.

"Father, I will avenge you before tomorrow's sun sets. Then, I hope your spirit may rest peacefully in the darkness. May my magic and the magic I inherited from you bring justice to your murderer."

After a few minutes of praying, he heard the distant beaded curtain swish, and a woman in all black entered the shrine. "Brother Mallumo, you asked to be informed the moment we found the traitor."

"Yes. Bring him to Execution Hill."

Mallumo rose with graceful movements and turned away from the candlelit shrine of his murdered father. As he passed through the cavern, other members of the Sons of Darkness bowed and blessed him. He wished they would stop that. Their old guild master had insisted on being practically worshiped, so many were used to thinking of their leader as a demigod. Little good it did him in the end! Mallumo had been raised in the guild. He had fought besides these people all of his life. His father had been one of the founding members, and he had lost many older brothers already.

He stepped outside, and a crowd followed behind him. A path led uphill, and high above the humble cavern where their guild now made its home, there was a hill which, since ancient times, had been used to execute criminals. The locals feared this entire place and the vengeful spirits believed to haunt it. That superstition made this area the perfect hiding place for a dark guild.

A man had been tied to an execution post and left to struggle against magic-sealing cuffs pinning his arms behind the pole. His face showed the terror he felt, and when he caught sight of Mallumo's black and silver robes, he struggled even fiercer against the restraints, willing to rip his hands off if it meant he could escape.

"Brother Ciar," Mallumo called out, and he walked up to the terrified man. His dark eyes glared down like a predator. "Why did you abandon us in our time of need?"

"P-please, Mallumo," the man sobbed. "Those Quatro Cerberus wizards were strong. I would have been killed."

"We defeated those wizards with no loss of life."

His head dropped. " _You_ defeated them. The rest of us were fodder to their magic."

" _The rest of you_ , as you put it, were meant to get the wizards into a specific location where I could have killed them both with ease. Because you fled, the two advanced, and I had to enter the battlefield personally in order to save the rest of my brothers. That is not ideal for someone with my sort of magic. My magic works best from the shadows."

The bound man shook his head. "I … I would have died."

"I would not have allowed you to die. You might have been injured, but they are light wizards. They do not fight to kill."

"They killed _your father_ ," he screamed. Instantly, Ciar jolted back in terror. "I … I'm sorry, Mallumo. I didn't mean—"

"No, Brother Ciar," he said softly. "No, you're right." Mallumo smiled at him and clasped him on the shoulder. "You are absolutely right. That Dragon Slayer killed my father. Up until now, even when we clashed with light guilds, the Sons of Darkness had nothing to fear. We could race into battle, knowing that at the very worst, we might be captured but never killed. There was a special sort of confidence that came from that one fact. That changed when we fought Fairy Tail. Most of our brothers and sisters were merely arrested, even the former guild master now sits in a prison. Only my father died that day. Over the past year, this guild has turned from a den of darkness into a cave of cowards, and it's all because of my father's death."

"N-no, Mallumo!"

"You," he shouted, "turned into a coward and a traitor, a brother whom I've fought beside for many years. After one death, you flee from battle, fearing for your life. This fear that now infects our guild will not end until the Dragon Slayer lies dead at my feet. Until that moment, I have no right to be called a guild master, and more and more of our brothers will fall to cowardliness, betraying one another in selfish mortal fear, instead of the valiant, resolute faith in one another that we once had." Mallumo cupped the man's face with both hands. "Brother Ciar, you will be the last Son of Darkness to fear death. I swear you that. I will right this grievous wrong. I will clear my father's honor and bring this guild back to the path of valor."

He gulped hard and struggled with a hopeful smile. "D-does that mean you'll let me go?"

After a silent moment, Mallumo removed his hands and turned around. "You betrayed us." He began to walk away.

"No! Mallumo, I never once betrayed—"

"You doubted my judgment, disobeyed the orders given to you, and left your brothers and sisters to be harmed by the enemy. You betrayed the _trust_ I had in you to stand at the forefront of battle and be fearless even in the face of overwhelming power. It's an honored position, one not given to some unseasoned grunt. Perhaps that is how the magic council plans wars, but not us. Those at the front of the line are the most trusted, not the most disposable. You proved to be untrustworthy. That is what _makes_ you … disposable."

A few paces away, Mallumo turned back around and faced him.

"Do you know why my predecessor was called Lord?"

Ciar shivered as he struggled to rip his arms free from the restraints. "Mallumo, please!"

"When he gave an order, no one questioned it. No one flinched away. His word was law, a holy order given from on high. Our brothers and sisters trusted him."

"And now they're all rotting in the Magic Council prison! Can't you see, Mallumo? We woke up. We thought we were indestructible, that the Lord was godly and would never fall to any magic. We realized, that's just not true. Are you even planning to free the Lord, or have you forsaken him as well?"

"He proved himself too old to continue. I see this as forced retirement. The day I am captured, I hope my successor sees it the same way and leaves me to relax in a cell for the rest of my days, happy in knowing that I led the Sons of Darkness through the best years of my life, thus I can spend the twilight days finding peace within my heart. I hope you find peace in another lifetime, brother."

"It's madness!" screamed Ciar. He pulled so hard against the cuffs, blood poured from his wrists. "The rest of you," he called out desperately to the surrounding mob. "Don't you see? We could thrive for generations just how we were. The Lord made a mistake, he got caught … it _happens_. When it does, we've always just hidden more in the darkness. Instead, in your lust for revenge, you called out Fairy Tail. You endangered all of us, Mallumo. They're just too powerful!"

"We've … _hidden_?" Mallumo curled his lip at the man. "Is that what you think we did? We hid when times were harsh? Do you think that is what the Lord did, what _my own father_ did through all these decades? Fight, then hide?"

He raised his hand, and a ball of blackness formed in his palm. It shot out like a massive bullet and pierced Ciar in the abdomen, blasting a hole all the way through him. He gasped, wide-eyed in the sudden pain, too shocked to even scream.

"Those are precisely the sorts of thoughts a coward and traitor would have."

Another black ball shot out, shooting Ciar in the thigh and making him almost fall in agony. This time, Ciar shrieked as a massive part of his leg was blasted away, leaving a bloody, gaping hole. Mallumo stared in cold anger, then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"You were my brother, though. I don't wish to remember you like this. I will grant you one final mercy. You will feel no fear of death before the end. Only peace. Take comfort in it."

When he raised his hand again, a dark purple mist swirled around his fingers. Ciar saw it, and despite his pain, he looked even more horrified.

"No … no, not that. Mallumo, stop this. I don't want to go like that. Just kill me!"

The dark power flew like a cloud from his fingers. Ciar howled in protest, tried to cringe away from it, but the cloud covered his face. He began to cough, but the darkness seeped in through his nose, mouth, and inside his eyes.

Mallumo watched impassively as his magic took effect in mere seconds. "A Dragon Slayer as my opponent: how unfortunate for him. I've heard they are a people of great passion who fight based on emotions, and their lungs easily ingest the magic of others, converting it and adding it to their own power. The instant my magic touches his skin and enters his lungs, those emotions that once powered him will be his downfall. I will make sure he howls in terror, so that my brothers never need to feel fear again. Ciar?"

The man looked up, his face calm and cold, no longer showing even pain despite the gaping hole in his stomach and blood pooling at his feet. His blue eyes now glinted with a blackish purple magic.

"Do you fear death?"

"I fear nothing, Brother Mallumo," he said in a flat monotone.

"Do you see now how you were a coward and endangered your brothers?"

"I see it clearly, Brother Mallumo."

He nodded to the wardens, and the magic sealing cuffs were removed.

"Do you wish to die by my hand, or by your own?"

The man stared out unflinchingly. "I dishonored myself and the Sons of Darkness. I won't put that burden on you, Brother Mallumo."

Mallumo reached his hand out, and another dark wizard handed him a long dagger. He walked forward and held the blade out to Ciar.

"Do the honorable thing, my brother, and rejoice in a better rebirth."

Ciar lifted the dagger with both hands and bellowed triumphantly, "Mother Darkness, embrace me!" His hands swung down, stabbing himself in the sternum with the blade angled up to pierce his heart. Blood seeped over his hands and poured out to the ground. "Thank you … my brother … and my lord." He dropped to his knees, shaking with pain but not crying out.

Mallumo placed his hand on the man's head. "Well done, my brother. Rest now, and be one with the darkness. Never fear it, for it embraces us all."

Ciar remained on his knees, convulsing as death crept over him, until at last his eyes rolled back and he collapsed to the ground.

Mallumo stepped away from the body. His sharp eyes peered around at the mob. "Do ye fear the darkness?"

They replied in eerie unison, "We fear it not, for we are its sons."

"What is darkness?"

Again as one, in a measured tempo, they answered, "It is the mother from whence we were born, and who embraces us upon death. It is the father who shelters us from blinding light, a refuge for our family. It is the brother fighting at our side, and the sister shielding our back."

"So I ask ye again: do ye fear the darkness?"

"We fear neither darkness nor death."

His arms spread out, as if he could embrace them all. "My brothers, remember that. Birth was a transition out of darkness; death is a transition back into that same darkness. There is no fear of birth, so why should there be a fear of death? We are the _Sons of Darkness_. I will not let you die, not yet, but if death comes to snatch you from my side, it's only our mother coming to bring us home. I don't know about you," he said with a smile, "but I'd rather be a rebellious son and stay out to play a little longer. So let us be in the light of this life as long as we can, but never— _never_ —let us fear the darkness that will one day greet us."

"We fear neither darkness nor death," they repeated.

He nodded with satisfaction. "Let's return inside. A battle approaches. Perhaps you felt fear in your heart, like Brother Ciar did. Repent from that in the coming battle. Be without doubt in our victory. We will not die today nor tomorrow, my brothers. Fear not death! Fear not darkness!"

"We are the Sons of Darkness," the group intoned.

They returned to the cave, a massive group all dressed in dark colors. A few mercenaries who had wandered out with them to see what was going on now stood aside as the dark wizards walked past.

"They're mad," one young mercenary whispered.

His superior hushed him, watching carefully to make sure none of the wizards heard him. After they were gone, the younger one spoke again.

"They claim they don't fear death, yet they're going to battle Fairy Tail over some old guy getting torched? Wouldn't they not care that he died?"

"Fear isn't the same as anger," his superior warned. "Perhaps they honestly don't fear death—hell, I don't or I wouldn't be in this business—but they can still be pissed when someone they know gets offed in a horrible way. An angry man who doesn't fear death … shit, I wouldn't want to face them. I'd rather take on a Ten Wizard Saint than face a grunt dark wizard who don't care about killing or being killed. So don't go sayin' shit about them. We got paid, so you just have to fight your best, or else that Mallumo guy will probably brainwash you into being just the same as that poor bastard." He nodded over to the body left out.

"By the way, what are they gonna do with him? Bury him?"

The superior shook his head. "I chatted with one of the wizards here. He said they don't bury their dead."

"Oh, cremation?"

"Nope. They leave them out right where they are … to rot. It's a way to remind them that death is part of nature. This place is gonna reek to high heaven in a day or two. Luckily for us, by then we'll be gone."

"We're not sticking around? The wine is free and the whiskey is good."

"Hell no! I've never been so worried over a paying client as I am about that Mallumo guy."

The younger one looked up in surprise. "Is he really all that scary to you as well, captain?"

He narrowed his eyes at Mallumo's apparently benign smile as he stood by the cave entrance, accepting praise from those who entered. "I don't want him getting into my head like that. That's some scary magic, controlling how a person feels to the point where you strip away free will. I feel sorry for the wizard who offed his dad. If he can take away fear, he can instill it, probably manipulate any emotion at all."

The mercenary chuckled crudely. "That's a magic power I'd want. I'd make some rich old lady fall in love with me."

"Idiot. How do you think this guild has the funds to pay us, still has money left over for free alcohol and all of these high-quality weapons, plus that insanely high bonus? I'm betting that Mallumo has magically charmed every heiress from here to Crocus, made them adore him, at least enough to take their money."

"Then they weren't joking about ten million Jewels if we take a wizard's head? It sounded so crazy, I thought they were joking."

The older fighter coughed out a raspy, wry laugh. "I don't think these bastards even know _how_ to joke."

"Damn!" he quietly exclaimed with a low whistle. "I'd probably never see ten million Jewels in my whole life even if I could fight until I'm wrinkled."

The mercenary captain shook his head with a scowl. "Like I said, a magic like that is a scary thing."

**Next Chapter: "Shadow of the Past"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This is the[Sons of Darkness guild symbol](http://fav.me/dahwjfp):_
> 
> _The opening quote is from a Nick Drake song:<https://youtu.be/Y8MQcrR4OSc>_
> 
> _I hope you like my villain. It took me a long time to fully visualize him and work out his abilities. Mallumo means Darkness, as do Daegan and Ciar. Also, as I've noted in other fanfics, I have an obsession with caves after a childhood trip to Carlsbad Caverns. Some places to see on my "travel bucket list" include Reed Flute Cave in China, Fingal Cave of Scotland, and the Glowworm Cave of Waitomo, New Zealand._
> 
> _I apologize for the hiatus. I PUBLISHED A NOVEL! It's available on paperback and Kindle ebook. I promise, it's safe for your parents to read as well. It's romantic, but not graphic. Even my father loved the story, and he's a picky reader._
> 
> _**Paperback on my estore** (better royalties for me, wohoo!) - <https://www.createspace.com/4917835>_  
>  _**Paperback on Amazon** (global distribution) - <https://www.amazon.com/dp/1500615757>_  
>  _**Kindle Ebook** \- <https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01KIL75Y4>_


	52. Shadow of the Past

_"Don't waste time on revenge. The people who hurt you will eventually face their own karma."_   
_― Anonymous_

 

* * *

Natsu, Gray, Lucy, Erza, Wendy, Carla, and Happy finished an arduous climb up a hill. Still ahead was an even steeper hill with a large cave on the bottom. Even from this distance, there was a foul odor in the wind.

Their guide, a local, held back as the group of wizards eyed the craggy terrain. He pointed ahead, and his knobby finger shook.

"That's it. That's Execution Hill. I'm not taking a step closer."

Erza pulled out a coin purse to pay the man. "Is there something wrong with that area? I noticed that no one in town wanted to go anywhere near here."

Lucy grumbled, "Yeah, and this man only agreed for triple the pay."

"It's a cursed place," he insisted. "They say that long ago, an evil dragon slept in that cave, and his magic cursed the entire land."

Natsu turned around with wide eyes. "A dragon?"

"He demanded meals, and so all the surrounding villages brought criminals to Execution Hill to be devoured by the dragon. Even centuries after that, it was a place of execution. The darkest spirits remain trapped there, and just living on that hill for more than a day corrupts the soul. No one goes there now, none but dark wizards. They terrorize our towns probably worse than that ancient dragon did."

Erza handed over a few Jewels. "Our thanks for your cooperation, but we won't force you to go further. Safe journey back."

The man took the money. "I'll pray that you return sane … and safe." Then he scurried off down the hill as fast as he could walk.

"There is something here," Wendy said, sniffing the air.

"Smells like someone died," Natsu agreed.

"Is that the smell?" asked Lucy. "I barely smell it. Must be awful for you two."

"No, there's more than that," Wendy said. "There are spirits here."

Natsu leaped back in fear and grabbed hold of Gray. "Ghosts?" he cried out.

"Scaredy," Gray began to say, but then Happy also grabbed hold of him, throwing him off-balance.

"There is definitely magic at work here to hold spirits prisoner to the land," Wendy said, shivering slightly.

Erza's face went serious. "So if you die here, your spirit stays here."

Carla muttered, "People like Bickslow would be very powerful in a place like this. We should be careful of human possession wizards."

"Let's go," Erza said, marching forward. "And don't die."

Just as they began to move forward, Loke appeared on the top of the hill. "Lucy!"

She turned around. "Loke? What is it? I didn't summon you yet."

"This place … I sensed something as soon as you crossed a threshold. It traps spirits."

"Wendy told us."

"That would include us," he warned. "If you summon any of us, we might never be able to return to the Celestial Spirit World."

Her mouth dropped. "No way. Thank you for letting me know. Wow, that would have been—"

"Lucy," Erza cut in. Her eyes were closed, and she was obviously upset. "Go back to the village."

"What?" she shouted. "No way! I can still fight."

"You will be at a serious disadvantage, and the rest of us would have to compensate to protect you."

Erza saw Lucy sticking her lower lip out stubbornly, so she clasped the blonde on the shoulder.

"I don't like losing our fighting strength, but these people should not be underestimated. You have many spirits under your care. I don't want you to be placed in a situation of choosing to sacrifice one of them in order to protect one of us, and you would never forgive yourself if you opted to not use your magic and it resulted in one of your teammates being severely hurt."

"It's my choice to make," she argued.

"I will not allow you to jeopardize the existence of any of them. They are too precious."

Loke winked at her. "Aww, Erza. I didn't know you felt that way."

She ignored his teasing and squeezed Lucy's shoulder. "We have to protect those closest to us." She glanced at Lucy and at Loke stuck on the top of the hill, unable to get any closer. "Protect your spirits, Lucy. I ask that you leave protecting the rest of the team to me."

She still frowned, but how could she fight against Erza? Then she glanced up at where Loke was standing. For all his bravado, he looked scared. Erza was right; if she saw Wendy in serious danger and used her keys to save her life, but it ended in sacrificing one of her spirits…

She had had to sacrifice one before. She knew she could not mentally go through that again.

"Bring them all back," she grumbled.

Erza smiled gently at her. "I will. Loke, please walk her back to the town, and keep her there. That's an order."

Lucy jolted up. "Erza!"

"I know you, and I know you would defy even me to fight beside your friends. Loke is the leader of the Zodiacs. His duty is to protect them, and that means making sure you do not enter this area. Am I right, Loke?"

"I'm afraid so," he answered, looking at owner with an apologetic shrug.

Lucy's shoulders slumped. "Fine. I'll wait at the inn." She trudged up the hill and past Loke without looking at him.

Rather than follow her right away, the celestial Lion gave a relieved smile to Erza. "Thank you very much. This sort of area honestly terrified me as soon as I felt it. Please be careful."

"We will," Erza said solemnly.

Loke left to walk with Lucy, apologizing that he was not strong enough to fight against the spirit-trapping magic of that area. Erza turned and continued forward.

"Erza-san, are we really going to be okay?" asked Wendy.

"We have to fight a little harder, but we're Fairy Tail," she said with determination. "A mere group of dark wizards are nothing compared to the enemies we've faced in the past."

"Well, well! You have confidence."

They came to a halt as a man seemed to flip aside a cloak and appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the road.

"What the hell?" Natsu shouted. "I didn't smell him."

The man swished the cloth, and as it moved, it made his body disappear and reappear. "Invisibility cloth with aroma-canceling enchantments. The sharpest eyes nor the keenest nose can detect me wearing this. You probably could have heard my heartbeat, if the notorious Dragon Slayer ears are not a myth."

Wendy looked ashamed. "I wasn't counting how many. I didn't think to do that."

Erza's sword was instantly out. "Who are you?"

"Daegan, a Son of Darkness. I am here to challenge you, Erza Scarlet, to a one-on-one duel of honor."

Her eyes narrowed. "You're one of our enemies."

"Correct. My orders are to let the rest pass, but to detain you."

Natsu's fists lit on fire. "We don't need to listen to this bastard. We'll fight together."

With a flash, there was a dagger hovering right against Happy's throat. The Exceed moved back, but the dagger followed.

"Happy!" Natsu screamed.

Carla gasped. "Happy, no!"

"Stop!" Erza shouted. Gray held Natsu back, while Wendy grabbed up Carla and hugged her protectively.

"I will take this little one prisoner," Daegan told them. "Continue ahead, do not interrupt our duel, and I shall not harm him even if Erza loses."

"What do you want?" Erza yelled, hating to see the fear in the little Exceed's eyes.

"Like I said, a duel of honor. It will not be to the death. I know this land traps the souls of those who die here. I have no desire to meet my end near this cursed place. So see, you have nothing to fear but your pride if you lose."

"I will not lose," she sneered. "Go on ahead," she told the others. "I'll be there as soon as I pummel this guy."

"Happy," Natsu protested, barely holding himself back, but the dagger at his best friend's throat stayed him.

"I-it doesn't hurt," Happy assured him, although he was obviously too scared to move. "I'll stay here and watch Erza fight."

Daegan's clothes flashed, and suddenly he wore a dark purple armor with a pure black sword in his hand. "You had another, according to our reports. If she is in hiding, your blue friend's life is in jeopardy."

"She couldn't enter due to her celestial spirits," Erza said, also changing into a stronger armor.

"I wondered if that would be an issue with her, but I wasn't sure if this land affected all spirits or just human souls. In that case, in the name of honor, I'll give this warning to your teammates." He looked directly at Wendy, Gray, and Natsu. "About a hundred mercenaries and the entirety of our guild are hiding in the valley between this hill and Execution Hill over yonder. Inside the cave at the base of the hill, Lord Mallumo is waiting. Fight, but do _not_ die in these lands. I also request you try not to kill anyone."

"Why would you warn us?" Erza asked suspiciously.

"I may be your enemy, but I don't wish anyone to die on these hills. My people have a saying: darkness shows us the wisdom obscured by blinding light. I learned compassion after a lifetime in the darkness. I learned it's not a weakness to help those who are my enemies. I learned that we gain honor only when tested with adversity. I learned to respect those heading into battle, even if they will be fighting my friends. You are after my closest friend, Lord Mallumo, who has been like a brother to me my whole life. He lost a lot of honor when you defeated our guild last year. He seeks to regain honor today so that he can finally accept the rank of Lord of the Sons of Darkness. I want him to reach that goal; thus, I want him to fight with full power so that he gains full honor when he defeats you."

"You're rather cocky," Natsu snapped, sneering at the idea of someone simply assuming he win a fight.

"I know Lord Mallumo. He can easily kill you from the shadows. There's no honor in that, though."

"What's this about honor?" asked Gray. "No offense, but you're a dark guild. _Honor_ isn't really your thing."

"On the contrary: it's _everything_. That's why only two will be allowed to enter the cave and face Lord Mallumo." He nodded to Gray and Natsu. "Those two."

Gray's eyes narrowed. "Us? Why?"

"Those are his orders. That means you, little one," he said to Wendy, "will not be allowed to pass. The mercenaries and wizards will not kill you two, but they can try to weaken you. The child is, sadly, no match for that many. I won't kill, but there are those who are very bitter about the defeat of our brothers. You can try to help her for as long as you can, but keep Lord Mallumo waiting too long and he'll simply kill you and her from the shadows. I highly recommend that the little one should flee when she has a chance. Fly to your friend with the Celestial Spirits. Draw as many mercenaries as you can out of this area to where it is safer. Fight there, so that if you or they die, at least your spirits will be safe. If you, Erza, are as strong as rumors say, you would probably be able to fight them, but I can't allow that."

Gray thought this over. "You said the army below won't kill us, but they might kill Wendy."

"Those are Lord Mallumo's orders."

"Then the answer is simple." He turned to Wendy. "Stay here with Erza. Don't help her, no matter how tempting it might be. As soon as she beats this guy, heal her and come join us. In the meantime, Natsu and I are going to pay this Mallumo bastard a visit."

Natsu grinned with excitement. "We're gonna kick his ass."

Daegan chuckled. "Perhaps I said too much. Lord Mallumo paid those mercenaries a lot of money, and now they won't get a chance to fight. Oh well. Child, can you hold this for me while I fight? It's precious to me." Daegan handed a jeweled silver broach to Wendy.

"It's very pretty," she said as she took it, but Daegan snapped his fingers. Wendy instantly vanished.

"What troublesome wizards you are," he sighed.

"Wendy!" screamed Carla.

Flames shot around Natsu. "What did you do to her?"

"I can't have Lord Mallumo's investments go to waste. She's been transported to the middle of our camp. I recommend you all hurry. She'll be fighting over a hundred enemies alone."

Carla's wings appeared, and she shot off through the air without delay. Gray and Natsu ran down the hill after her.

"Erza," Natsu shouted back. "Kick his ass extra hard for pulling that trick on Wendy."

Once they were gone, Daegan turned to Erza.

"You bastard," she growled, lowering her sword at him.

"I know she's powerful. You all are. We were not going to make the same mistake our brothers did last year and take you Fairy Tail wizards for granted. That's why Lord Mallumo hired a hundred mercenaries just for a handful of wizards. It shows how much he honors your strength."

"Yet he sent only you after me. He's a fool."

"Actually, I was ordered to take a small army to stop you, Erza. I came myself instead."

"Then _you're_ the fool."

"No, I'm simply that confident. Whether if I win or you do, if I can stand even five minutes toe-to-toe with the mighty Titania, I gain honor in this fight."

"And your _lord_ wants to face Natsu and Gray alone? Those two are insanely powerful alone. No enemy has ever defeated them when they fight together."

Daegan smirked. "They've never met a man like Lord Mallumo. His magic is … terrifying. I say this as his best friend: I have never crossed him even when I thought he was wrong, and I strongly feel he is wrong this time. That man is pure horror for those who are his enemies. Our own former master trembled at the idea of upsetting him when Lord Mallumo was nothing more than a toddler. He can bring down the mightiest wizard in the land without ever showing his face."

Erza thought about the reports from Quatro Cerberus.

"You're thinking of that other guild who challenged us a few days ago, aren't you?" Daegan said in amusement. "Did they give you any warnings? Did you warn your friends? I'm guessing you withheld that bit of information."

"When Bacchus told us, I assumed he was drunk again."

"What precisely did he tell you? I'm curious. Few face Lord Mallumo and live to speak of it."

She tightened her grip on her sword. "His words were, 'Terror walks in the shadows. You can't kill a shadow. You can't kill this terror.'"

"How appropriate!" he said in amusement. "Your friends are walking into darkness. They will meet up with the worst darkness they will ever face." His sword tapped against Erza's. "The darkness that dwells within themselves."

He lunged forward, and their swords clashed. Erza felt immense strength in his arms, far beyond what she was used to when she normally fought swordsmen. As soon as they pushed away, she fell back two steps and instantly changed to a broader sword.

"Defensive so soon?" Daegan asked in amusement.

"You're deceptively strong," she admitted, more alert now. By sheer physical strength, this man probably had her beat; however, she had speed and versatility, with a large collection of specialty weapons and armor.

"Deceptive?" he asked. "Do I appear weak? One could say the same for yourself. You could pass for a refined lady, yet your sword arm has the power of a hulking giant. Well, Titania, let's stop underestimating one another. I will give you five minutes. Come at me at hard as you can."

"And after five minutes?" she asked in suspicion, not liking the smirk on his face.

"After that … let's just say, you will be steeply handicapped once I get serious. I promise not to for five minutes, on my honor."

"How can I fight an opponent who admits he won't be serious?"

"Fight hard and prove me wrong, that's how."

His hand flicked, and instantly there was a mace behind Erza. As soon as she sensed the magic, she was hit in the back, bludgeoned to the ground.

"Don't think I'm going to fight you with just one sword, Titania."

Suddenly, dozens of swords filled the area. Happy gasped as swords floated near him as well.

Erza raised back to her feet. "Do you think that would challenge me? _Heaven's Wheel Armor!_ "

With a flash, she changed into her majestic metal armor like an angel made of blades, and with it over a hundred swords faced off against his.

"Beautiful," Daegan said in admiration. "Let's dance, shall we?"

Their own swords clashed, and all around them other swords battled, floating around, each trying to aim at the two opponents, yet they were blocked and other attacks made. The air chimed with hundreds of swords, as if an entire army was condensed onto this one hill.

Happy watched, and he was amazed that not a single sword got too close to him. He could not keep track of so many weapons clashing, yet somehow Erza and Daegan made sure to keep the blades away from him. At they fought, Happy sensed intense power radiating from Erza. He was used to that scary amount of magic in her which could make even Gray and Natsu shudder, but what worried him was the magic coming from Daegan. It was equal to Erza's at first, yet as the minutes ticked by and the swords seemed to multiply even more, Happy realized the magic power from the dark guild wizard was increasing as well, whereas Erza's was the same.

He forgot to worry about the swords crashing and sparking around him as he watched Erza dueling with Daegan. Rarely did Happy need to worry about Erza, but this time he did. As Daegan's power grew with each minute and the smirk on his face spread with excitement with each exploding crash of steel, Happy really hoped Erza ended this soon.

* * *

One moment, Wendy was standing next to Erza and holding the broach the dark swordsman had given to her. The next moment, she was somewhere else, there was the smell of campfire and unwashed bodies that made her nose wrinkle, and the wind was more stale here. A valley? Then she realized there were soldiers and wizards all around her.

"What's this?" someone asked.

Wendy looked around frantically. How did she get there? Where were the others?

"Kid, you shouldn't be here. Scram."

She trembled at the harsh voice. "S-sorry. I'll be going."

"Wait, that broach!"

"That's Brother Daegan's teleportation broach."

"He sent her here?"

"Look! That guild mark. She's from Fairy Tail."

Staffs and swords came out, rifles lowered, and magic tingled the air. Wendy now realized where she must be: the middle of the dark guild's army. She readied herself for battle.

"I'm not much of a fighter," she said, realizing how drastically she was outnumbered, "but I can hold my ground until Natsu-san arrives."

"She's just a kid," a mercenary muttered, holding back from arming himself.

"Fool!" one of the black robed wizards shouted. "That was the mistake our brothers made. Never underestimate any of them for even a moment. Revenge!"

While the mercenaries hesitated, the wizards surged forward.

Wendy swirled her hand and shouted, " _Sky Dragon's Wave Wind!_ " A tornado twisted out of her arms, spiraling high into the heavens and catching a dozen wizards and mercenaries in a single sweep.

"Shit, she's a Dragon Slayer. Kill her!"

Spells flew her way, so Wendy enchanted: "O swift wind that dashes through the heavens! … _Vernier_." Suddenly, she was fast enough to dodge the shots made against her, nimbly running from side to side and ducking to avoid curses and blasts.

" _Sky Dragon's Crushing Fang!_ "

Pale blue glowed on her fingers, and she swiped her hands, clawing enemies left and right until they fell back from her attacks. Then suddenly the ground under Wendy trembled and began to lift in a bubble. Her feet felt burning hot, and the soil itself began to glow from the building magic below.

She leaped out of the way just as an eruption of lava blasted upward. A speckle hit her in the back, burning through flesh, and Wendy shrieked in agony.

"Wendy!"

Before the geyser of lava could burn her to death, Carla swooped in and lifted her high into the air. Through tears of pain, Wendy smiled up at her friend.

"Carla. Thank you. J-just … _oww_ … in time. You're the best."

"Someone has to watch over you," Carla said, blushing at the compliment.

Down below, she saw Gray ice the lava geyser and dozens of mercenaries around it, while Natsu blasted through the ranks like a fiery train, sending people flying and their clothes smoldering.

"Wendy!" he shouted up. "Are you okay?"

"F-fine."

Carla corrected primly, "She's injured."

"It's not bad."

"Yes, it is," Carla insisted, seeing blood dripping down Wendy's burned blouse.

Natsu shouted up to them, "Then like that bastard suggested. Fly to Lucy. She should still be on the foothill road. She'll buy you time to patch up, and drag some of these assholes with you."

Wendy nodded, and Carla flapped her wings, sailing off out of the valley. To their surprise, a main portion of the army instantly went after her.

"These are the two. Lord Mallumo said don't touch them."

"I'd rather fight anywhere but here."

"Let's get out of the valley first, then we can go all out."

Gray let a mercenary go as he chased after Wendy and Carla, fleeing eagerly. In minutes, there was no one but the injured around.

"They were a little _too_ eager to get out of here," he pointed out suspiciously.

Natsu flexed his muscles and said arrogantly, "Of course they'd run away when I'm here."

Gray scoffed and shook his head. "Let's go find that bastard and get this over with." He grabbed Natsu by the scarf and dragged him along, half-choking him as they headed toward the cave below Execution Hill.

He paused at the cave entrance and looked across the valley. He could still see sparks of swords colliding where Erza was fighting. The fact that the duel was not over already meant this Daegan man must be fairly good, enough to stand against Erza for almost five minutes. He had confidence she would be okay, though.

* * *

Swords still clanged all around, while in the middle of the metal maelstrom, Erza flashed from one armor to another, with Daegan countering each one she put on with a new armor or weapon of his own.

"Show me more," he said in wild excitement. "You truly are the Titania to have so many. I want to see them all. Every armor. The most beautiful. The most _powerful_. Show me that one, Titania. Which do you consider to be the most powerful you own."

She changed from a broadsword to suddenly an epee to get a swift jab in, which his armor flashed to something new to block the thin blade. Then a new weapon was in his hands, like giant shears, which cut the thin epee in half. He grinned mischievously at Erza's shocked face, but leaped out of her way as a sword flying around overhead sailed down and slammed between them. Erza picked up that sword and readied it.

"Using one of these plain ones? Oh, please don't tell me you've run out," Daegan said, sounding truly discouraged.

"You don't deserve to see _that one_ ," she said, and Erza charged at him.

"That one? I'm curious." He countered her attacks with nimble grace. "Your five minutes are nearly up. If you have some ace up your sleeve, I highly recommend that you show me while you can. Don't make me threaten your little feline friend over there. I've been a gentleman and keeping him safe, even blocked a few of your own swords that got a little too close to his tail."

Erza afforded a quick glance to Happy. She had almost forgotten about him, trying to fight with nearly a hundred swords as once and needing all the concentration she could muster to keep up with Daegan's speed.

Just then, she saw Wendy flying overhead. The army was hot on her trail and racing up the hill toward them. Daegan suddenly made all of his swords vanish, and he stepped to the side to let the army pass. Erza half wanted to fight them, stop them right here rather than let Wendy and Lucy fight nearly a hundred people on their own. However, Daegan still had Happy as a hostage. She banished her swords and changed into her Armadura Fairy suit. As the Sons of Darkness and their mercenaries rushed by, kicking up dust, Daegan and Erza looked at one another and caught their breaths.

"It truly is a lovely armor. Powerful, too. I can sense a unique magic radiating off of it."

"The Armadura Fairy … Two. I fought an alternate universe version of myself wearing this. She managed to shatter it, but in the end I won. I had it rebuilt, stronger, sharper." She raised the sword that matched the pink armor. "It carries our guild's crest, the sign of the strongest sword I own. I would not fight a normal person with this sword, but you have my precious friend hostage, and two other friends are about to face your guild alone. I can't allow them to be killed."

"And I can't allow you to stop Lord Mallumo's plans. You have thirty seconds. I've put a pause on our time until my brothers and sisters pass."

"Brother Daegan!" someone in the mob shouted out to him.

"I will join in the hunt soon, brother," he hollered back.

Finally, even the straggling mercenaries, huffing and puffing as they jogged up the hill, passed by, and Erza saw a yellow flash of Loke's magic somewhere over the crest of the hill. She knew she needed to end this soon and help out the others. She had full confidence in Gray and Natsu facing off against the guild master, and she knew Wendy and Lucy were very powerful, but against a hundred enemies, anyone could get overwhelmed.

"Shall we resume, my dear Titania?" Daegan asked with a light bow from the waist.

Erza walked out into the middle of the path again and readied herself. Daegan waited patiently. "You're chivalrous," she said. "I respect that. You obviously care deeply for your friends, and you treat your guild like family. I respect that as well. You would make a fine Fairy Tail wizard."

"Funny. I was thinking that with your fatalistic beauty in battle, you'd make a fine Son of Darkness."

"I prefer the light." She lowered her sword at him. "Perhaps I can carve some light into your dark world."

"Perhaps you could, but I could never betray my family. And your time is up."

He held his arms out, and a dark magical light surrounded him, swirling around, until he stood in the midst of a midnight purple glow wrapped in only a cloak, no armor at all. Erza blushed and averted her eyes as she could almost, but not quite, see _everything_ of him. However, she felt her own armor vanishing, her sword faded out of her hand, and as she tried to hurry and Requip something new to cover her, she felt a total lack of ability. It was not that her magic was gone, but … her armor was no longer there. None of it!

Finally, Daegan lowered his hands, and he wore a brigandine armor, dark purple with black steel metal plates, with his cloak fluttering behind him. He eyed Erza up and down, shook his head, and tossed his cloak to her.

"Please cover yourself."

"What did you do?" she shouted, not bothering to pick up the cloak at her feet. "My armor … my swords…"

"All gone," he answered. "I wanted to see them before I took them. I really do wish I could have seen your strongest in battle, but I'll have to test it out myself, although I don't think pink is my color."

"It's … empty." Erza could sense the pocket dimension where she stored her armor and swords. There was nothing there.

"I'm surprised by how massive your Requip dimension is. It's a testament to your magical power. Average people may have a dozen. You have hundreds of weapons and some rather … _unusual_ armors. I only sense them right now in my own dimension. Is that Seduction Armor I sense? And here I thought you were a lady. Please do cover up, though. It's unseemly."

Erza grabbed up the cloak and tied it around. "I've never come across anything like that. I've had my armors Dispelled, broken, vanished, demolecularized, but always it was only what I was currently wearing, not what was stored away. What was that?"

He waved down at the armor. "Specially made to counter Requip users in particular. Each metal piece contains pocket dimensions of their own capable of holding only ten items, but I requested the extra long version with fifty dimensions total. It was _very_ expensive, but Lord Mallumo is generous to me. It takes five minutes for the armor to fully calibrate the dimension of the opposing user, and only after multiple Requips. Luckily, you provided me with a glorious display of versatility. I probably could have ended this in two minutes, but I wanted to make sure I got everything." He walked up to Erza and patted her cheek. "Don't worry, Titania. I'm sure you have armor at home. It'll just take you a while to rebuild your collection." The sword by Happy vanished, and Daegan began to walk down the hill.

"This isn't over," Erza shouted defiantly.

"You have no more weapons or armor in your cache. Do you plan to fight me with rocks and sticks?"

Erza closed her eyes, and slowly those same rocks, branches, boulders, and even a few dropped items from the army that had raced by, all rose into the air. Magic swirled around her as she focused on these items.

"I can fight with anything," she said, glaring at him. "I can continue to fight with my bare hands, if I must. Fairy Tail does not give up just because we are stripped of what is ours. We claw and crawl and will scratch our way out of that trouble. Thinking I'm powerless just because I'm swordless is a fatal mistake."

Daegan looked back at her with admiration. "Telekinesis? You do realize I have that as well, right?" With multiple flashes, a hundred swords, many of them Erza's, encircled her in the air and prepared to slice every branch and rock she had lifted. "I admire your spirit and resolve, but this fight is over, Titania."

"It's not!"

The rocks hurled forward, but Daegan's swords struck away all of them. Many of the rocks shattered into pieces and hailed down onto Erza and Happy. The little blue cat cried out as one rock struck him sharply in the head. He collapsed to the ground in dizziness as blood pulsed out of his wound. Erza let all of them fall to the ground as she hurried over to the bleeding Exceed. She cradled Happy in her arms, shielding him and putting pressure of the deep gouge. How it pulsed, she knew it was right over an artery. This was bad!

Daegan sighed, and the swords vanished. "I didn't want him to come to harm. My apologies. I'll make a deal with you, Titania."

She glared at Daegan with tears in her eyes.

"I will challenge you again for the right to receive your weapons and armor back. A single sword, a single set of armor. If you win, I will give back half, and you may decide which items shall be returned. If you lose … I wouldn't degrade you further. It'll simply mean that you were bested in skill alone, and the world shall know about it. This is my offer, since your little friend ended up injured."

"Fine," she spat out, holding Happy as he moaned in pain. "Just go. The next time I see you, I will make you _suffer_ for hurting him."

"In a week's time, then, I will arrive in Magnolia." A medical kit suddenly appeared beside Erza. "Use that to heal him. Keep the cloak. Protect your friends if you can." He continued down the hill.

"I thought you were going to fight with your guild."

"I figured you'd be heading that way to find your healer, so I shall check on Lord Mallumo. If he is in battle, I will only watch. I shall not fight more today. Farewell, Titania. It was a pleasure."

She gritted her teeth. How could this have happened? Her! Beaten! She looked down to Happy. She probably could have continued to fight that man, flinging dust and flowers at him at the least, but Happy sobbed softly, struggling to remain brave despite the blood flowing from the gash to his head. Erza yanked open the medical kit, poured some medicine onto the cut, tore a long bandage off, and began to wrap Happy's head.

"Sorry, Erza," he said in a weak voice.

"It's my fault. I underestimated him. I'd never even heard of an armor like that. I could have ended this right away, but part of me wanted to fight a man that skilled. My pride got in the way." She lifted Happy into her arms and carried him. "Let's get you to Wendy."

"Do you think Carla will feed me fish soup?" he asked in a daze.

Erza chuckled at his optimism despite their loss. "You stood your ground bravely. It's the least she could do."

She glanced over her shoulder to the opposite hill with its ominous feeling. Execution Hill. What a cursed name!

"Those two better not make the same mistake I did."

* * *

Gray and Natsu entered the cave under Execution Hill and looked around at all the candles. They were set up like some elaborate holy ceremony, and it gave Gray the creeps. Shadows danced over the cavern walls, and from somewhere deeper within, they heard the dripping of an underground pool.

"I can smell him," Natsu said, looking left and right around the main cavern. "He smells familiar."

"I'm surprised you remember."

Natsu's hands lit on fire, and Gray prepared with frost smoking around him, but still they saw nothing.

"It was over a year ago, after all. I had wanted to make this happen on the one-year anniversary, but I also knew not to rush things."

"What's this anniversary thing about?" Natsu asked, sniffing and trying to pinpoint the location, but the voice echoed too much, and the smell was not exact enough.

"In the back and to the right. Enter the room there and you shall see. I will wait. I want you to see, Natsu Dragneel."

Natsu glanced over to Gray. How did this enemy know his name, what was this anniversary thing, and why was the smell so familiar? Although Gray shook his head, Natsu marched forward to the side room. Inside, they both saw more candles set around an altar, and on it a picture.

"Natsu," Gray said in horror.

The Dragon Slayer's eyes went cold. Although it had been over a year, although he had seen the face only briefly, he would never forget it.

The face of the man who nearly killed Gray.

"A wise man once told me not to seek revenge, that karma would eventually face those who hurt me. Unfortunately, I'm not one to sit back and hope an enemy gets what's coming to them without at least witnessing it myself. I want to bring that karma to you now and see you lose all hope. I want you to suffer as I have for a whole year, Natsu Dragneel … the man who _murdered_ my father."

**Next Chapter: "The Strength in Tragedy"**


	53. The Strength in Tragedy

_"There is a saying in Tibetan, 'Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.' No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster."_   
_― Dalai Lama XIV_

 

* * *

Gray had been in enough fights to know never to take his eyes off the enemy. However, at the ominous words of Mallumo, he glanced over to Natsu.

How would he take this, being faced with the blood on his hands, confronting someone whose father he had burned alive?

There were times when even Gray remembered hearing those screams, although he had been on the cusp of losing consciousness. Certainly, that day was a nightmare for Natsu, who had to deal with the aftermath of that battle, emergency cauterization of Gray's arteries so he would not bleed out, carrying his mangled body to a hospital, and overseeing the arrest of the Sons of Darkness. Likely, there had also been an inquiry about the one person who died that day. The Magic Council would have demanded an explanation. Natsu never mentioned it, and Gray had been unconscious for so long that the aftermath of that fight was concluded before he woke up. Surely, a lot happened that he knew nothing about, and he had never bothered to ask, since that day was traumatizing enough to him.

Natsu's face was empty, his eyes staring with no reaction at all, but Gray realized his fist had tightened, as well as strained tension in his jaw. Suddenly, Natsu spun around and marched out of the room with the altar. Gray scrambled to follow.

Natsu shouted out into the dank cave. "All right, I saw his picture. I remember him. Don't know his name, can't remember yours. Malibu?"

"Mallumo," came the echoing voice. "My father's name was Maljunulo. Take that name with you into the afterlife. You will die here, and your soul will remain trapped in these hills. It's a cursed place, if you haven't figured it out. Souls cannot escape, doomed never to be reborn, trapped by a magic not even the wisest in Fiore have fully unraveled. So remember my father's name as you haunt these lands for eternity."

"Already forgot it," Natsu said mockingly. "Come on and show yourself."

"No. Remember his face, not mine. I am merely carrying out what he would have done, had you not interrupted the noble fight between enemies."

"The fight was already over," Natsu protested. "He won. It didn't have to be to-the-death."

"That is up to the victor."

"Like hell will I allow that!" Natsu shouted in rage.

"You interrupted a fight. For the Sons of Darkness, a fight between enemies is a sacred thing."

"I only butted in because he was about to kill Gray."

"Do you mean like this?"

A purple sphere flew out from nowhere. Before Natsu could react, it bashed into Gray's chest. Gray collapsed with a howl of pain.

No! Not again!

"No!" Natsu shrieked.

The purple orb burst into a cloud that seeped up into Gray's nostrils, mouth, and into his eyes. When Natsu looked down, there was no gaping hole in his chest. Gray was not even bleeding; however, he had collapsed and his eyes were massive with terror.

Mallumo's solemn voice pronounced, "May you die in terror."

"What the hell did you do to him?" Natsu looked all around for the source of that echoing voice.

"I specialize in a different field than my father: emotions and memories. He is reliving the fight with my father. He will experience it as if he is there right now, only this time he's reliving it with his greatest fear."

"You mean like spiders?"

"No. Wait, seriously? Spiders?" Mallumo asked incredulously.

"Um, no?" Natsu shrugged. "I have no clue what Gray fears, besides Erza."

"Whatever his greatest fear is, the spell will rewrite his memory to include that. He will feel every pain all over again, with the addition of his fear."

Sure enough, Gray yelled, " _Ice Devil's Instantaneous Freeze!_ " Natsu had to leap back to keep from getting caught up in the spell. However, in the past, that did not work to stop the attack. Once again, Gray shouted in pain and grabbed his shoulder.

"Shit!" he yelled as tears of agony streamed down his face. "Natsu, where are you?"

Natsu raced over and fell to his knees beside Gray. "I'm right here. It's okay."

Gray's eyes gazed around, seeing nothing, viewing only the past. "Lucy? Erza? Anyone? Where is everyone?"

"I'm here, you idiot." Natsu shook Gray's shoulder. "Snap out of it. It was in the past. We fought, and we won. It's over."

"Interesting," Mallumo's voice intoned. "It seems his greatest fear is being abandoned by his friends. Which means he'll remember the past without you there to save him. That could be fatal."

" _Fatal?_ " screamed Natsu. "What the hell do you mean? I was _there_. He survived. Barely, but he didn't die."

"Memories are potent. If he remembers that he died abandoned and alone that day, that's what will happen. His body will think it should be dead, and it will simply stop."

"No!" Natsu saw Gray gasping for air, and he shook his head in anguish. "He didn't die, though."

"Not in his old memory. In this new memory, there is only him and my father. He won't recall that you were ever there to save him. _That_ will become his reality. He'll die remembering only that he was struck down by my father that day, and he died alone, abandoned by his friends … his greatest fear coming true at the very end."

"No. Gray wouldn't fall for that trick."

Gray suddenly lurched up, and his stomach tensed. He lost all air, and his hand shivered as it went to his stomach.

Natsu cringed. "Oh God, no!"

That was the shot that took out much of Gray's intestines, the nearly-fatal shot that Natsu had to cauterize. Natsu had seen it from a distance, fighting his way through a mob of dark guild wizards. Now, he got to see the agony up close. He rubbed Gray's hair and wished he knew how to wake him from this nightmare.

"Natsu? Er- … Erza? Shit, where is everyone? Help … help me. Someone."

"Gray?" Natsu felt tears on his cheeks as Gray's eyes widened in terror. "I'm right here, you idiot. Look at me," he yelled, squeezing those cold, trembling hands. "I'm _right here_."

"It's pointless. You have been written out of his memory. As far as Gray knows, you abandoned him that day."

"No!" Natsu leaped to his feet and spun around, snarling in rage. "Come out here, you bastard. Where the hell are you?" He heard another groan of pain and looked back down to his suffering boyfriend. "Shit, no. Don't you dare forget that I was there." He kicked Gray in the hip. "Come on, you stupid ice dick, _wake up!_ "

Was he really having his memory rewritten? He would forget that Natsu struggled so hard to reach him. He would forget that Natsu killed that man, that he lived through it, he survived. He would forget all those months of therapy, forget Natsu being there for him, forget his leg getting healed, forget falling in love and becoming a couple. Even if Gray survived, he would forget everything.

Gray began to convulse as if he was being shot over and over again. He sounded like he was choking, and blood began to seep out of his mouth.

"No." Natsu dropped to his knees and held Gray down as he lurched in agony. "Oh dammit, no. Not that part."

"It's probably almost the end," Mallumo said unemotionally. "Are you afraid he'll die?"

"He won't!" bellowed Natsu, yet his own memory was recalling those hits, how he had been held back by enemies, unable to reach Gray in time. Natsu had always felt guilty about that, about not being strong enough to make it to Gray, help him, save him. That anguish was surging up as he watched Gray gasping for air, shivering in death throes, dying in his arms. Again.

"You're struggling to be brave in the face of fear. Good. Very good."

A dark purple cloud drifted up from behind, soundless and odorless. Natsu did not realize it was there until it was in his face and smothering him. He gasped in surprise, and the magical cloud filled his lungs. He tried to cough it out, but it forced itself in through his nose and mouth. Natsu felt himself trembling. His eyes widened in terror.

Gray was going to die!

He couldn't protect Gray back then, and there was nothing he could do now.

Gray would forget that Natsu saved him.

He would forget that Natsu _loved_ him.

He would die, and his soul would be trapped in these hills without even the memory of love.

They would not even be able to be reborn together. Gray would die, his spirit trapped here, and Natsu would lose him for all eternity.

Mallumo's voice echoed through the cave. "The stronger the fear, the more potent the magic. You truly must love this man to be so petrified at the fear of losing him. I could probably walk right up behind you and snap your neck, and you'd be too scared to move a muscle."

However, the fear of losing Gray came with more emotions. He loved Gray so deeply, there was no way he would let him forget the passion they had shared. How dare Gray forget even a single moment they had together, let alone the whole thing! How _dare_ this walking snowman lose his memory and forget just how much Natsu loved him!

_FUCK THAT!_

Magically enhanced emotions surged through Natsu and blasted out in fires of intense fear, anger, love, and outrage. He screamed in terror mixed with rage as the flames filled the cave, melting all the candles, burning the picture of the old man, even melting the gold frame it had been in. Only Gray's cold body was protected from the inferno that swallowed up every nook of the cavern and blasted in a raging fireball out the cave entrance.

* * *

_He no longer even felt the shots riddling his body with holes. His brain shut down all sensations of pain. Pain was everywhere. The brain did not need to know that there were more places that hurt._

_He was going to die here, all alone, abandoned once again. If only someone would come, but he knew they wouldn't. He was alone, and he was about to die._

_Slowly, he fell backwards, like drifting on a cloud. His head landed on cool grass, and he looked up into a calm blue sky._

_If only the world could be so peaceful. If only he could spend just one more happy moment with his friends. He didn't want to die alone. It was so scary._

_Suddenly, there were flames all around him._

_'Dammit, am I going to hell?'_

_However, as he looked up, he saw Natsu standing protectively over him._

_'Where did he come from?'_

_The Fire Dragon Slayer's face was more grim than Gray had ever seen. He was seething in fury. Those sharp eyes gleamed in the haze of fiery heat and reflected golden sparks of lightning. The scales of Dragon Force marked his skin, and his fists were clenched so tightly, the veins all up his arms stood out._

_Deeply, dangerously, Natsu sneered at the enemy. "I'll fucking kill you!"_

* * *

"I'll fucking kill you!"

Gray felt heat, but the pain was gone. Still, it took him a few seconds to figure out what was going on. He had been in a field on a mission to stop the Sons of Darkness. Now it was dark, a stone ceiling … a cave?

"Found you, you bastard."

"What did you do?"

"Gray would never forget my flames. I've burned them into his memory deeper than you could ever rewrite."

Natsu? He was fighting now, some robed wizard who almost looked like the old man, only with dark hair and a younger face.

That old man was in the past. He was dead.

Gray shook his head as his thoughts struggled to clear up. He had not been alone that day. Natsu had saved him, cared for him, found a way to heal him, and later fell in love with him.

Natsu had been there! And he loved Natsu.

He loved him for always being by his side.

There were now two memories in Gray's mind: in one, he had faced the enemy alone; in the other, Natsu had roared and fought his way over to him. Gray believed the second one. Natsu was definitely there on that mission, and he would have fought through an entire army to rescue a teammate.

Gray struggled to his feet and touched his stomach once more, but there was nothing, not even a scar. He remembered! He survived that day, and now they were facing the son of the man who almost killed him. Still, the fear was somewhere inside of him.

"Don't leave me, Natsu."

The Dragon Slayer was battling the robed man, but he smiled over to Gray. "Are you finally awake, ice princess?"

The fear was there. He might lose everyone. He did not want to be alone. He needed Natsu. They needed to beat this bastard and get out of there … _together_.

"I will at least finish what my father started," snarled Mallumo. "May you suffer eternally."

The balls of magic were familiar. They were different from the purple smoke balls earlier. Gray recognized them right away, having just seen them in his memory.

"Natsu, watch out!"

Natsu saw them, but Mallumo had flung them off the other way. Gray! Dammit! Gray stood still, not fully out of the spell's effects yet, trapped between past memories and present reality. Natsu took off running toward the blasts of dark magic. He was not even looking, he just wanted to protect Gray.

_Damn, this is gonna hurt._

He stood in the way, taking the hits to protect Gray while he continued to regain his senses. Natsu cursed as the magic pierced into him.

_Shit. Shit, shit, shit!_

One hit close to the spine, the other pierced straight through his abdomen. Blood splattered out, and red droplets landed on Gray as he watched in horror.

"No!" he bellowed.

It was like the past, only Natsu was the one getting hit.

"That … hurts," Natsu muttered. His eyes rolled back as he collapsed. Gray leaped forward and caught him as he fell. He laid Natsu down as gently as possible and saw blood already pooling over the cavern floor.

"Shit, no," Gray whispered. He knew precisely how damaging those blasts were.

Natsu's hand trembled as he reached to his stomach. Flame lit, and he cringed in agony. The air smelled of burning flesh. When the flame stopped, Gray saw that Natsu had cauterized his own wound.

"Can't … get the other one," he said, just before going limp in Gray's arms.

"Natsu? Natsu!" However, Natsu had lost consciousness. Other one? That was right, Mallumo had shot two blasts. Gray flipped Natsu over and saw the massive hole in his back. A fraction to the right and it would have severed his spine. As it was, the blast was right over Natsu's kidney. That was bad! However, he had to worry about it later.

Gray reached his hand out to the hole in Natsu's back and filled it with ice to stop the bleeding. Natsu groaned, but he did not regain consciousness.

Mallumo panted hard in exhaustion. "May he die swiftly to lessen the pain. Those blasts were meant for you, Gray Fullbuster. I never liked my father's magic, but I learned it just to kill you properly. I had hoped I wouldn't need to resort to it." He held himself up against the cavern wall. "It takes a lot out of me. My father truly was a powerful wizard."

Part of Gray realized he could attack Mallumo now while he was weak, but he was still stunned as he watched Natsu struggling to breathe. He blinked aside tears and shook his head.

Why would he do that? How stupid could he be?

A memory flashed through Gray's mind, something Natsu once told him.

 _"If giving you my blood was just enough to save your life, then I will give anything to bring your life back_ completely _. I'll give anything to have you back in Fairy Tail. And I mean anything, because I was the one who reached into your body. I was the one who had to carry you back, and I don't ever wanna deal with that again. I don't … I_ can't _… deal with that again. I can't deal with almost losing you. I just can't."_

Rage seared away Gray's fears. What right did he have to fear Natsu abandoning him when Natsu had lived through much worse? He had lived through Gray almost dying in battle, lived through watching his heart stop in the hospital and bringing him back when the doctors were ready to pronounce him as dead, and he lived through Gray's depression making him suicidal, talking him out of jumping off a bridge to end it all. Natsu had suffered almost losing Gray many times over.

 _What right do I have to be a goddamn coward_?

The rage shattered the spell of fear. Gray's eyes narrowed as he glared up at Mallumo.

"You're dead," he said in quiet, dire tones.

Mallumo straightened up, weak but determined to finish this fight. He faced off with Gray. Fighting in the open was not his thing. He was at a disadvantage now. Still, faced with this father's murderer and the last man his father had fought, his pride was on the line, and he would not back down now.

"One down, one to go," he said.

"Natsu's not gonna die." A tattoo faded onto Gray's arm, and black marks spread over half his body. "Like hell will I allow that."

Gray clapped his hands together and called forth a massive sword, but Mallumo fought back with balls of black destruction. Gray found himself dodging and parrying those attacks, knowing too well how fatal they could be. One of the black orbs grazed his shoulder, and blood poured down. That did not stop Gray. He was fighting to save Natsu's life now.

The cave filled with ice, and Mallumo's breath smoked in the subzero temperatures. How that man still managed to fight and move so quickly was impressive, but Gray did not have time to admire his determination and stamina.

Natsu was _not_ going to die.

They were going to get out of here together.

Gray saw a larger black ball of magic blazing toward him. By instinct, he put up a shield, only to remember a second too late, ice shields did not stop these blasts.

Just as he saw the magic shatter his ice to pieces, Gray was tackled from the side. He went sliding over the frozen cave floor and slammed into the wall. He struggled to get up and realized it was Natsu who shoved him out of the way.

"You're an idiot stripper," Natsu shouted. "You should know by now, ice doesn't work. How stupid are you?"

"Are you okay?" Gray asked in dread.

Natsu stood and yanked Gray up by the hand. "Less talk, more fight." He still had blood all over his body, a cauterized hole in his gut, and a chunk of ice in his back, but Natsu still managed to light his hands into flames. He turned toward Mallumo with determination.

"Ready, ice princess?"

Gray smirked and squeezed Natsu's hand for just a moment as he faced the enemy as well. "I'll follow your lead, flame brain."

"Does that mean you prefer me _on top_?"

"Idiot! I didn't say that."

Natsu chuckled with a massive grin, then he blasted Mallumo with fire.

"Now!"

" _Ice Devil's Rage!_ "

" _Fire Dragon's Claw!_ "

Mallumo sneered as dodged fire and ice, fighting both at once. He had planned to take these two out by himself as a matter of pride, but right about then he really wished Daegan was there, if just to distract one while he dealt with the other. His hand swirled, and a deep purple orb formed.

"Dark Despair!"

The ball flew and hit Gray straight on. He doubled over as terror blanked out his mind once again.

"Gray?" shouted Natsu.

"Shit…" He shook his head, but this was a different fear, deeper, quickly overwhelming him. "Natsu!"

"Launch me!"

Gray clasped his hands together. " _Ice-Make: Frying Pan!_ "

Natsu ran at him, and Gray caught him in the massive pan, pulling Natsu back for momentum. Gray met his eyes and nodded.

"End this."

Natsu grinned widely. "Yep."

Gray swung with all his strength. "Out of the frying pan…"

"…and into the fire!" Natsu shouted as his entire body blazed with fire and lightning mixed as he went soaring at Mallumo.

He was hit with another dark ball of smoke and felt the terror surge up, only now it was the same as he already felt even without magic. He was not about to lose Gray. He would not let this bastard kill the man he loved. Losing Gray was already his greatest fear, but Natsu had training to take fear and use it to drive his attacks.

As he flew toward the enemy, Rei-chan's words ran through his head.

_'How far would you go for love?'_

_'For Gray, I'd sacrifice it all.'_

Natsu gave a shout as he attacked one final time.

* * *

Erza managed to meet up with Lucy and Wendy. While the Sky Dragon Slayer healed Happy's injured head, Erza picked up the sword of a fallen enemy and used it to fight, while Lucy fought with her whip and heeled-boot kicks, and Loke blasted away hordes of dark guild wizards with his brilliant light.

In just minutes, the field was littered with enemies. Erza looked at the borrowed sword and frowned in distaste.

"Erza, that's not one of your usual swords," Wendy pointed out, holding Happy in her arms as he continued to recover.

"It's a long story," she muttered. "Loke, can you go into town to alert authorities? We'll need a lot of wagons to cart all of these people away. Lucy, are you able to call out Virgo? She can bind them."

"Yes, of course." Lucy pulled out a key. " _Open the Gate of the Maiden! Virgo!_ " In a puff of smoke, the pink-haired maid appeared.

"What is my punishment?" asked Virgo.

"Restrain all of these people."

Virgo blushed in excitement. "Will I be tied up later as well?"

Lucy cringed back. "W-we'll see." As Virgo set about chaining and roping groups of mercenaries and dark wizards together, Lucy shivered. "Why is she always like that?"

Erza had turned away, though. She walked up the hill and looked back into the cursed valley. Execution Hill! She saw flashes from the cave, blue puffs of frost and billowing fireballs rolling out of the entrance. After a while, it all stopped.

"Erza?" Wendy asked in concern.

"I was about to head over there to help them, but it seems to be over." Still, she got a chill down her arms. Deep in her soul, she knew something terrible must have happened. "Lucy, can you take care of this?"

Lucy heard the anxiety in Erza's voice. She had complete trust that Natsu and Gray could defeat anything if they worked together, but she still had a strange, foul vibe about that valley. "Sure, we've got this under control, thanks to you."

Erza wasted no time and ran down the hill alone.

Something wasn't right, she could feel it; however, she was not sure why her heart knew with such certainty, and that prescience worried her.

* * *

The cave was in shambles. Part of a wall had fallen in. Icicles still clung to the ceiling, dripping from flames still burning on the ground. Gray ached as the black markings faded from his skin.

The fear was gone. The magic ended as the flames ahead of him dimmed. Natsu stood over a charred body.

"Maybe … I went too far again."

Gray slowly raised to his feet. "Is he dead?" Natsu would not answer. Gray figured as much. The magically-induced fear that had been haunting him was gone, which meant the enemy was probably…

Natsu turned around and smiled weakly. "Are you hurt?"

"Not badly," he said, despite blood dripping from his shoulder. "I'll be fine. Thanks," he said with deep gratitude. He knew, if it was not for Natsu, he would have died.

"Good," Natsu sighed, but he began to wobble on his feet. "I'm … glad you're safe."

"Natsu?"

"Y-yeah … yeah, I'm … I'm … fi-…"

A stabbing pain suddenly shot through his chest. Pressure radiated up his neck, and a noise like sirens filled his ears. Natsu coughed as he felt his chest spasming. In a moment of horror, he knew what was going on. He only wished Gray was not there to watch.

Clutching his chest, he collapsed forward. Far too rapidly, the world around him faded.

"Natsu!" Gray ran forward and grabbed up the Dragon Slayer. "Hey, don't pass out yet. We gotta get out of here, and I'm not dragging your heavy ass up that hill." Although he joked about it, Natsu did not move. He saw Natsu's eyes open but blank. "Hey," he whispered. He shook Natsu, but those eyes stared out with emptiness. "Hey! Wake up." Natsu was not moving, and not even his chest was moving. "Hey!" he screamed. "Natsu! Come on. _Wake up_ ," he shrieked.

Tears beaded in his eyes. This _couldn't_ be happening.

Natsu was covered in blood. Although he had been fighting so viciously, Gray realized that the cauterized area was literally just a hole straight through his body. How in the world had he managed to fight like that? Now, some of the cauterizing had torn, and Natsu was bleeding again. Gray filled the entire gaping hole with ice. He felt Natsu's neck, but there was no pulse.

"No … oh God, no. No way."

Tears spilled over his eyes. Natsu gazed up, no light in his eyes, no shine to them.

"No!" he screamed. "Natsu!"

Gray set him down flat, put both hands on Natsu's chest, and thumped down hard and rhythmically, hoping to revive him.

"Natsu! Don't you dare die."

He breathed into Natsu's mouth, then compressed his chest again, counting to himself. One-two-three-four-five…

"Not like this. Please. Not here." He took a deep breath and forced the air into Natsu's mouth. "You promised, bastard," he shouted. "You promised! Always! You said you'd … always…" He pounded on the chest some more. "Don't you dare leave me."

He felt the neck again. Still, there was nothing. Natsu's empty eyes were dilated and clouding over.

"Noooooo!" With tears streaming down his face, Gray clapped his hands together. His voice trembled as he shouted, " _Ice-Make: Sarcophagus!_ "

Ice sparkled, crackled, and completely covered Natsu's body. This ice would freeze all the way down to the cellular level. With any luck, it would preserve Natsu's brain from completely dying for up to an hour.

"There's no way I'm letting you die," he said with a stubborn sneer. "If I have to go to Hell and drag you back, I will." He gazed down at the encased body. "Is this how you felt back then? I truly get it now. I will do anything— _anything_ —to bring you back. So don't die on me. It's my turn to be the goddamn hero."

He began to lift Natsu's frozen body when he saw Daegan standing in the cave's entryway. Gray blinked aside tears and sneered at this enemy. He was not mentally ready for another fight, not with Natsu's life on the line.

However, Daegan's focus was on Mallumo. "He's dead, isn't he? I told him not to fight here. You foolish brother!" He turned his eyes to Gray. "There is a cart just outside. Use it. I sense that your friend's soul is still intact, so he is still alive. Get him out of this land, or his soul will be trapped here for eternity."

"Where's Erza?" snapped Gray.

"On the other hill. She's probably tending to your cat. He was accidentally injured after Titania lost her weapons."

"Erza … lost?" That seemed impossible.

"Go to her. Get him help if you can. Just get out of this land before he dies." He walked past Gray and to Mallumo. "It's too late for him. His soul is eternally trapped here. Pride truly is the worst downfall." Daegan shook his head in grief, but then he looked back to Gray. "Tell Titania, the darkness at the end of my road is gone. Perhaps it's time for me to try the light. I will see her in a week and decide. If she can beat me, perhaps I will take up her offer. Now, hurry, and may the goddess of darkness be in your favor."

He knelt by Mallumo and closed the empty eyes. Gray ignored them and rushed to the wagon. He placed Natsu's frozen body in the back, strapped on an SE-plug, and forced the cart to go as fast as the hills allowed. Time was short, and Natsu's life was truly in his hands now.

He met Erza on the next hill and picked her up. She took over driving, since Gray was an emotional mess. He sat back in the wagon next to the chunk of ice. That man said Natsu's spirit was still intact, which meant he was still alive although his heart had stopped.

Again, his heart! If his heart was so weak, why would he push himself? Why had he blocked those shots meant for Gray? Why had he jumped up and fought more instead of resting so he would not push himself to this point?

"Why, you idiot?" he asked aloud. He looked down at Natsu's frozen face, and the tears would not stop.

"Because he loves you, of course," Erza said, focused on the road. "I don't know what he did, but whatever reason he had to push himself that far, it's because he loves you, and he would do anything for you."

Those words hurt even worse. Natsu really would do anything for him. He got injured to protect Gray. He got back up to save Gray. He fought when Gray was struck down, although he was far worse off. His heart stopped, all because Natsu had pushed himself too far so he could fight side-by-side with the man he loved.

Gray collapsed over the frozen tomb, as if he could hug the body inside and convince it to live on. He did not even bother to hide his sobbing from Erza. Natsu was on the brink of death … and it was all because Natsu loved him so much.

Which meant Gray had to be the one to save him this time. He had to be the one willing to do anything to bring Natsu back.

**Next Chapter: "The Truth Revealed"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Mallumo's name is Esperanto for "darkness," so his father's name is also derived from Esperanto. "Maljunulo" means old man._
> 
> _Gray's flashback is almost word-for-word from Chapter One, except for the parts being rewritten, fake memories of being abandoned by his friends._
> 
> _My sincere apologies for vanishing for a few months. I'll admit, this fight scene was a huge challenge for me. I mean, how can anyone in the Fairy Tail universe last for long when Gray and Natsu team up? I ended up writing five totally different fights, with Mallumo having different forms of magic, but none of those worked and they all had to be scrapped. Hopefully, this one is "passable." Major cliffhanger, so I will try to get the next chapter up quicker._


	54. The Truth Revealed

_"When a man learns to love, he must bear the risk of hatred."_   
_― Masashi Kishimoto_

 

* * *

Gray sat in a hospital, his hands pressed together, his forehead down, praying. He had never been religious, not like Mira and Elfman, but just then he simply prayed to whatever was out there that would listen. It was not even in words.

He was hoping for a miracle.

Erza was somewhere nearby. He heard her sigh once in a while. He had not even bothered to ask yet what happened in her fight with Daegan. She had driven them past Lucy and Wendy, shouting at them to meet up at the nearest hospital. Erza had raced all the way back into a city with a hospital, draining much of what was left of her magic to make it. They managed to get the frozen sarcophagus to the doctors in under an hour. Gray had to unfreeze Natsu, and then he was whisked away, doctors trying to revive him while running, off on a gurney into surgery.

That was hours ago. Gray felt like the long wait should have made him edgy and terrified, even enraged, yet he felt only emptiness inside.

He heard running feet, then Erza's voice talking to Lucy. Wendy was sent on ahead to see if she could help the doctors at all. Happy walked up to Gray. He opened his weary eyes and saw the blue Exceed had a bandage around his head. Daegan had said something about him getting injured while he fought Erza.

"Natsu will be fine," Happy said confidently.

Gray smiled at the encouragement, but he saw Happy's eyes swimming with tears while still straining to keep his smile. Gray hoisted him up and hugged the little cat so he could cry into his shoulder.

"Yeah," he said, feeling Happy's tiny body shaking as his shoulder got wet with tears. "Yeah, he'll be fine. He's strong. He'll pull through this."

He _had_ to. Natsu had promised to always be together. He had to survive.

Gray heard Lucy talking to Erza. Most of the Sons of Darkness were rounded up. This time, it was less than ten who escaped, but they included the second-in-command, Daegan. That was when Gray remembered to tell her what he had said about _the darkness at the end of his road being gone_. Erza seemed to know precisely what he meant.

"Then Mallumo is dead?"

Gray realized, all these hours sitting here, he had not told Erza what happened, and she had not bothered his brooding grief with prying questions. He related the details of the fight, from realizing Mallumo was the son of the man who had almost killed him last year—he got a feeling that Erza already knew that and simply had not told him—then about the fight, the strange memory-altering and emotion-enchanting magic, as well as the black orb magic that had hit Natsu in the gut and himself in the shoulder. Happy listened with a proud smile as Gray told them how Natsu got up despite being injured and saved him, then kept fighting alongside him, heedless of his wounds, up to the point when Mallumo was killed and Natsu collapsed without a pulse.

After he was done, Erza told them about Daegan, her fight with him, how he siphoned away all of her weapons and armor, but offered to give them back if she could defeat him in single combat with just one sword. She insisted, he was not a bad man, quite a gentleman with strong bonds of honor. He simply had the misfortune of being raised with the Sons of Darkness; they were his family, and his bonds to them were probably as deep as what she felt for Fairy Tail. She hoped he would at least seek redemption, and she said told her teammates that she would not even mind if he joined Fairy Tail. They could use someone of his magical power.

They were listening to Lucy's tale of battling the mercenaries and a bulk of the dark guild when a doctor came forward.

"Are you friends of the Fairy Tail wizard who was brought in?" he asked them.

Gray pointed to the mark on his chest, Erza showed her arm, and Lucy held up the back of her hand.

"How is he?" Erza asked, looking prepared for the worst.

"He's alive, and by a miracle. If it had been just a fraction over, it would have affected his spine, and he would be paralyzed from the waist down."

Gray felt his stomach turn sick, knowing what that was like. "But he's okay? He can walk?"

"Not anytime soon. The damage he suffered is severe. One kidney and segments of his intestinal track were completely obliterated. The other kidney was so heavily injured, there was nothing really to save. We had no choice but to remove it."

Lucy gasped in horror. "You're saying, he's lost _both_ kidneys?"

"That's correct. He's on a hemodialysis machine. Your little healer said she would see if she can do more for him, but her priority right now is his heart. We can't do anything invasive if he has a weak heart."

"What the hell happened to his heart?" asked Gray. "He grabbed his chest just before collapsing. I've seen him do that before."

"Well, his charts show that this is an ongoing condition. It's called takotsubo cardiomyopathy. Basically, his heart is injured due to extended fatigue. Think of it this way: a strong man may be able to lift weights with no problem, but if he lifts a particularly heavy weight and holds it for hours, eventually his muscles will give out and he'll drop the weight. If he tries to lift weights the very next day, he won't be able to lift as much because he overexerted that muscle. With time and rest, the muscle will heal, but if he keeps trying to lift weights day after day, he'll only injure the muscle more and more, and it'll keep giving out on him. Mister Dragneel's heart right now is an injured muscle. Whatever fight you were in, especially with those injuries, it put an even greater strain on an already weakened heart. He can heal from this, but—"

"What the hell could have fatigued him to get this way?" Gray shouted. "Natsu never had a problem with his heart before. We haven't done any major missions until now, so why? What the hell happened to make him like this?"

Erza put a hand on his shoulder. "We'll talk later." She focused on the doctor. "What's the prognosis on his recovery?"

"We've stabilized things, but we can't operate to fix his intestines until his heart gains strength. That's what your healer is doing now. In the meantime, we put in a temporary pacemaker to ensure his heart does not quit."

"What's a pacemaker?" asked Happy.

Lucy whispered to him, "It makes sure his heart doesn't slow down. It forces it to keep beating."

"It makes his heart beat?" Happy asked in confusion and worry. "Will his heart stop if he doesn't have it?"

Gray spun away and dragged his hands over his face. He barely heard the rest of the doctor's report. It was all too familiar. Natsu's intestinal tract needed to be rerouted due to the hole that was blasted through his abdomen. Gray knew what that was like. The worst part was the kidneys. The shot that went straight through Natsu completely took out his right kidney as well as a part of his liver. The other shot went deep enough to blast his kidney to a point where it would never function again. They could look into a kidney transplant, but that could take a long time.

In the meantime, they had to keep Natsu sedated and unconscious because any excitement at all could cause more damage to his heart, and any sudden movements could damage the machines keeping him alive.

There was other information, but Gray's mind shut down, having heard enough. Basically, his prayers were answered, Natsu survived by a miracle, but he would never be the same.

' _This is so damn familiar. Why would this happen to him? Why?_ '

At some point, the doctor left. Gray had not heard the last bits, something about machines that were keeping Natsu alive. Gray had enough of machines and hospitals and operations. It was like watching a part of his life again from the eyes of someone else. Only his heart was fine, and Natsu's was failing.

Erza clasped him on the shoulder. "Gray, you should come with me. You too, Lucy."

Gray followed where he was pulled, but his mind was still trapped. He used to say he would never wish this sort of agony on his worst enemy, so why did it have to happen to the man he loved?

"The machine," Gray muttered. "The healing machine. We could use it on him."

"That's right!" Lucy said in excitement. "I was thinking the same thing. I know the Magic Council confiscated it, but if we asked them nicely, maybe flirted a little—"

"They won't hand over something like that," Erza cut in with a grim look on her face.

Gray still felt a leap of hope. "We … we could _steal_ it."

Lucy gasped. "Gray! This is the Magic Council we're talking about."

"And it's _Natsu_ we're talking about," he shouted. "I'm not going to sit around and watch him go through the same thing I did."

Erza shouted over them, "Natsu is like this _because of you_." She gnashed her teeth and looked away in anger. "Dammit. Come here."

She yanked them both by the hand into the nearest room, and Happy flew in with them. It was the hospital's chapel, quiet, empty, a magical self-playing organ doling out homorhythmic hymnals.

"Sit," she ordered both of them, and Lucy and Gray dropped down side by side onto one of the pews.

Happy looked up at Erza in worry. "Are you gonna tell them?"

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know I promised Natsu I wouldn't, but … this has gone too far. It's not fair anymore." She looked up reluctantly, and her eyes met Gray's. "That machine that healed you: Natsu is like this because of that machine."

"Because he ran all over Fiore to find it and it wore him out, I know," he said.

"No. _The machine_ made him like this."

Gray arched a confused eyebrow. "But Natsu wasn't even there. He left."

Erza shook her head and looked remorseful to explain, yet determined to get this dark secret off her chest after so many months. "He was in the very next room the entire time, _powering_ that machine. See, it relied on magic and life force. Natsu volunteered to be the _battery_ to power it. That machine siphoned off his magic and energy for days on end, without any time for him to fully recover before doing it again the next day. He powered that machine until his heart failed from the sheer agony."

"It's true," Happy said, looking down with tears in his eyes. "Natsu would be screaming from the pain for hours, but he insisted … he wouldn't stop! I would beg him and beg him, but he insisted on doing it alone. He loved you that much even then, Gray."

"What … that's …" His world was spinning with disbelief and guilt. "What the hell was that machine? Draining life force? No one told me about that."

"Natsu said not to," Lucy told him.

"Wait, you _knew_?" he shouted.

"Only about the machine and what it did. Erza didn't tell me about the rest. The healer said it hurt. I didn't know was _that_ painful. He said it might shave a few weeks or months off his life. He never said anything about … no," she recalled, sinking down in regret. "I remember now, he said that device killed three people just to regrow an arm, sucked them of their life force. But he said your injury would not be _that_ bad. Natsu … we all volunteered to take turns running it, but Natsu took on the burden alone."

Erza scowled in old memories. "I can attest to how dangerous it is. I powered it myself at the very end after he was too weak to continue. I can't even comprehend how he put up with torture like that for so long. Just the few hours I powered it were agonizing and exhausting. Maybe it wasn't the _worst_ pain I've ever experienced, but it was never-ending. He put up with that for days."

Lucy covered her mouth. "You kept slipping back to use the bathroom, and that last day you were back there for a really long time."

Erza nodded. "I was checking on Natsu. He seriously worried me, and watching him suffer … I kept _telling_ him to let me share the burden, but he was determined to do this."

She remembered what happened that first day of healing.

* * *

_"I'll handle it! Just … don't let him find out. I don't want him … to feel … g-guilty. This is my burden. Mine alone. I couldn't get to him in time. I was there, I saw him get shot, and I couldn't get to him. He almost died … because I wasn't quick enough."_

_"That was not your fault."_

_"I couldn't protect him! This is my way of making up for it. I need to do this. It's the only way … the only way I can forgive myself."_

* * *

"He felt so much guilt that you got injured like that and he could not get there in time," she muttered, remembering the look on Natsu's tormented face. "This was his way to atone, but … but it scarred him much worse than any of us thought. If I had known his heart got damaged so severely, I would have healed him on that damned machine myself. Now, it's too late."

Gray realized, he had been furious that Natsu left him there. They got into fights because of it. He had ignored Natsu when he was in the hospital after his first heart attack because he felt like paying him back for abandoning the group during those long days of recovering on the machine. He abandoned Natsu when he was gravely sick out of pure spite, all because of that incident.

He had also said some horrible things, accusing Natsu of goofing off, wondering if he had just wanted to run away and fuck Rei-chan.

_"Is that why you ran away during my treatment? You couldn't stay with this stripper, so you had to run back to your other stripper."_

Every time he said those sorts of things, Natsu looked deeply guilty. How badly must Natsu have felt all this time, hiding that secret while Gray hated him for leaving the group without a word?

"We'll steal it," Gray shouted. "He did it for me, so I'll do it back."

"No," Erza said firmly. "Didn't you hear Lucy. That machine _kills_ people. If it killed three victims to regrow some dark wizard's arm, imagine how many people we would have to sacrifice to regrow two kidneys and heal his heart. Besides, the Magic Council locked it in one of their deepest vaults. The act of using a person's life force to save someone else is so dangerous and immoral, it's illegal in almost every kingdom in Earthland. Healing Magic like Wendy's is one thing, but that machine _kills_."

"I don't care!" Gray screamed.

Erza stared at him hard, feeling sorry for him. "You feel guilty."

Gray's fists tightened. "Hell yes, I feel guilty. No one told me … and I said those things … and Natsu almost died so many times now, all because … my stupid leg? That's it? Fuck that leg! I would give it up if it'll heal him."

"That's why Natsu insisted that we not tell you. At first, it was because he knew you would refuse treatment. Then, it was because you were immediately so mad at him, he feared just how guilty you would feel if you knew the truth. Then his heart gave out, and he feared just how intense that guilt in you would grow, to know he didn't just power a machine, but he sacrificed his heart for you. It's been spiraling out of control, and now this." She shook her head. "It should be him telling you, but who knows when he'll wake up. I don't want you doing anything stupid like breaking into the Magic Council. To be honest, part of me wants to do that as well. However, Natsu dreaded that you'd feel guilty about what he did to heal you. Stop for a moment and imagine just how _worse_ he would feel if you got arrested and locked away because you stole that machine, or worse, if you used it and then _your_ heart was weak. Or mine. Or Lucy's. Or if one of us died. Natsu would _never_ want that."

"Fuck that!" Gray screamed, and tears burst out. "Fuck what he'd want. We don't even know. He … he almost _died_ today. You didn't see it. He took those shots to save me. I don't care _what_ happens to me. He saved my leg, and now he saved my life, so I owe him. I owe him _everything_."

"Then stay alive, stay by his side, and _give him everything of you_ ," Erza yelled back. "Don't throw it all away. Natsu needs you, Gray. He loves you that deeply. Tossing away your life is not how you return that sort of love."

"He just about tossed away his life for me, so why not do the same?" he shouted.

Lucy put a hand on his shoulder. "Gray, calm down. Natsu didn't know he'd end up like that, and in battle we do things without thinking. Let's think this through. Surely, we can come up with a better way."

"While he lies there _dying_?" he bellowed.

"He's not going to die," Erza said calmly. "The machines are keeping him alive and will—"

" _Fuck the machines!_ " Gray kicked a pew and sent the wooden bench flying. "Fuck all of this. Goddammit, why did this have to happen to him? Why…" He sank down and shuddered out a sob. "Why him?" he asked, choking on tears. "Why did he do that? He kept trying to tell me something. All day yesterday, he seemed like he wanted to say something, and I told him to tell me later. I … we were … dammit!"

He had wanted a pleasant night with Natsu, and a few times, he had hushed him, saying to tell him later. Was it this? Had Natsu actually wanted to tell Gray about how his leg got healed _before_ they had sex, before they went that extra step in their relationship? And he had hushed him, wanting pleasure and not confessions. All that guilt had to be bottled up. Did that mean Natsu still felt guilty even as they were making love? That question anguished him. Now, the hickeys he had that morning were covered over with bruises.

"I can't watch him go through this and do nothing," Gray whispered as he trembled in grief.

Erza walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "When the time is right, you'll be able to do something," she assured him. "Natsu also felt like he was useless for a long time, but he did everything he could while you were healing. You could start by donating blood. You have the same blood type."

"That's right," Lucy said, remembering that. "Natsu donated twice so you could have your operations. You practically have his blood flowing in your veins."

"And stay with him," Erza added. "When he wakes up, he'll want to see you. Wait at least that long, Gray. Don't run off and leave him. He needs you right now more than ever."

Gray still ached, but he nodded. Natsu had stayed by his side all the way through his recovery. He could do the same and cheer him on.

Happy spoke up now. "Natsu told me once, he did all that and risked his life because, more than anything, he wanted you to live on in happiness. So…" His huge eyes beaded up in tears. "So let's make sure he lives on in happiness, too."

Erza picked Happy up and hugged him as he began to cry again. "That's right. Let's all make sure he lives on in happiness. You, us, everyone in Fairy Tail, we're all going to make sure he can be happy from here on out."

Gray firmed up. "You're right," he said, but his voice sounded exhausted. "What he needs right now is to know, after a near-death experience like this, there's hope. There are friends who care for him, and even if life has can be a little different, it still moves on. He'll fight, he'll play, he'll laugh, he'll get into stupid brawls and set things on fire. There can be life after near-death."

Erza and Lucy looked over at one another, and both looked hesitant to say something.

"But Erza…" Happy began to say.

She hushed him and petted his head. "Get some rest, Gray. Heal up so you can donate blood tomorrow. I need to clear up things with the authorities. Lucy, rent a hotel for the night and buy one train ticket to Magnolia. One of us needs to go back to the guild and let them know what happened, then see about some way to safely transport Natsu back to Magnolia. It'll probably have to be teleportation since he can't risk getting sick and vomiting in his condition. Gray, straighten up the mess you made first. I'll see you either tonight or in the morning, if you stay here."

They left the hospital chapel and walked out into the hallway, leaving Gray to fix the pew he had kicked. Happy still looked worried.

"Erza?"

Lucy also looked concerned. "He wasn't listening to the doctor, was he?"

"Obviously not," Erza said, looking stern as she marched through the hospital halls. "He's had enough of a blow today, finding out about why Natsu's heart is failing. He doesn't need to know about _that_."

Lucy covered her mouth and looked back to the chapel. "When Gray finds out, he's going to _really_ do something stupid."

"Aye," agreed Happy. "Natsu, too. When he finds out, he's gonna be really, really sad."

"We'll stay by Natsu through this," Erza assured them. "As for Gray, we'll tell him tomorrow after he's had a chance to calm down. We'll take turns watching over him as well, because you're right: he's going to do something stupid. I know _I'm_ ready to." Erza reached up and wiped aside a tear. "Those two are going to need all the support we can give them to make it through this. Let's make sure they can _both_ live on in happiness."

Lucy nodded, and Happy said "Aye, sir." They all had a duty to help their friends now, especially since this tragedy was going to rip their team apart for good.

**Next Chapter: "Just Survive"**


	55. Just Survive

_"In these dangerous times, where it seems that the world is ripping apart at the seams, we all can learn how to survive from those who stare death squarely in the face every day…"_  
_― Jonathan Larson_

 

* * *

Gray had just left the hospital's chapel after a long prayer when he saw a gurney going by, and although most of the face was covered with an oxygen mask, he caught sight of spiky, pink hair.

"Natsu!" He jogged after it.

One of the orderlies held him back. "I'm sorry, sir. He's still unconscious and probably will be for a while."

"What? For a while? Why?"

Wendy came up after the doctors, looking exhausted with Carla holding her up. "He has to be on oxygen, and even a tiny flame could ignite the place, plus any rise in body temperature could destroy the hemodialysis machine, and any strain at all to his heart could make it stop again. To keep him safe, I enchanted Natsu with a sleeping spell. He's not in a coma, but a very, very deep sleep." She stumbled, and Carla grabbed her, flying to hold her up.

"You really need to rest," the white Exceed warned her. "You did all you can for now."

"I'm sorry, Gray," Wendy muttered. "I'm so sorry."

He patted her head. "I'm sure you did a lot just to keep him alive. Lucy rented a room somewhere in town. Go get some sleep."

Carla guided Wendy out of the hospital, and Gray turned back to the gurney wheeling away. He followed at a distance and saw which room Natsu was put into. After things cleared out, he walked up to the door and knocked. Of course, no one answered. He stepped in, and the scene was terribly familiar. Natsu laid on a metal frame bed with a white sheet covering him from the waist down. His face had gone ashen from blood loss. All around the bed were monitors for his heart, blood pressure, oxygen, and one device not familiar to Gray. Looking at the label, he saw it was the hemodialysis machine purifying Natsu's blood since his kidneys had failed.

No, not failed. They were completely obliterated!

Natsu's stomach was wrapped thickly, and Gray recognized exactly the same types of bandaging he had when his guts had been blasted and had to be rearranged, sewn back together, pieced in a way so he could eat. However, there was also a bandage on his chest. Natsu had not been hurt there, so it took a while for Gray to understand why it was bandaged.

It was the pacemaker now in Natsu's heart, in case it stopped suddenly. It would zap his heart to force it to keep beating.

His heart! The face Natsu made before collapsing flashed violently through Gray's mind. Natsu had looked weary but happy at their victory, yet only seconds later he had an expression of pain, shock, horror, and sadness. As he grabbed his chest, his eyes had met Gray's, and they were filled with intense regret.

Gray realized now, Natsu must have known what was happening in those few seconds before his heart stopped. He knew, and he realized Gray would have to see it. He would have to be told. He would finally know the truth, and Natsu regretted that his secret could no longer be a secret.

"You idiot. You goddamn fucking idiot!" Gray collapsed to the side of the hospital bed and buried his face down into the mattress to silence his anger before the nurses found him and kicked him out. He punched the metal bed frame and sobbed into Natsu's blanketed legs. "Why did you do it? Did you think I'd want this?" he snarled through thick tears. "Did you think I would _ever_ want you to risk your life for me?"

As he cried, he realized that Natsu knew precisely how Gray would feel about such actions, and it was why he hid the truth all these months.

"It was just a leg, Natsu. Just a leg! I could have replaced the leg. I was planning to, had the prosthetic picked out and everything. I can replace a limb. I … I can't replace _you_." He clutched Natsu's cold body. "Shit, I could never replace you."

Then he remembered a moment together just yesterday while they were in bed.

* * *

_"This heart is mine now. You gave it to me, and I give my heart to you. Don't let this heart fail."_

_"Gray, back then…"_

_"Shhh. Talk later."_

_"But—"_

_"Later. I want you … now."_

* * *

"'Don't let this heart fail.' Shit, I had no idea." Gray brushed some of the pink hair back with trembling lips. "You tried to tell me. Right in that moment, you were going to. You must have felt horrible, hiding that sort of secret. Especially after what I said about your heart. Dammit," he seethed with a sobbing hiccup. "Why would you do that? Why would you go that far?"

_"I will do anything—anything—to help you … I'll give anything to have you back in Fairy Tail. And I mean anything."_

Gray cringed as he realized, when Natsu said that, he truly had been willing to go to dire lengths.

And he did! He was willing to give up his life force just so Gray could walk. He jumped in front of those blasts to protect Gray, and then he got back up, willingly pushing himself beyond his limits, to fight side-by-side with Gray in order to make sure he would be safe.

Gray looked at the sleeping face covered by an oxygen mask. Seeing Natsu like this tortured him. How much worse had it been for Natsu, dealing with Gray teetered on the edge of life and death for so many months, his body in tatters, knowing that during that fateful fight, he could not get to Gray in time?

"You felt guilty, didn't you?" he whispered to the sleeping Dragon Slayer. "You blamed yourself for not being fast enough. I know you did. Is that why, Natsu? Did you go that far for me because you felt guilty that I got hurt in the first place?" He stroked back the pink hair. "Did you feel as miserable as I do now? Dammit, if I could heal you, I'd go that far in a heartbeat!"

Despite Erza's warnings, he still wished they could steal that healing machine back from the Magic Council. He would power it himself. He would heal Natsu's kidneys, his heart, everything! It was tempting to run off, break into the vaults of forbidden magical devices, and steal it. Even if he became a criminal, at least Natsu would be alive.

Yet Erza was right. Right now, Natsu needed to live on in happiness. Knowing Gray became a fugitive of the Magic Council just to heal him would make Natsu feel miserable with guilt.

At least for now, he needed to stay here and show Natsu that he was loved.

Gray lifted his head to the heavens and prayed, "What can I do?"

For now, all he could do was hold Natsu's hand and hope he pulled through.

"Just survive, Natsu." He broke down into tears repeating that. "Just survive! Just survive."

* * *

Gray stayed by Natsu's side all through the night, holding his hand while Natsu was unconscious. He fell asleep with his head on the hospital bed, and when he woke up, some nurse had placed a blanket over his shoulders. Erza and Wendy came by in the morning. Wendy healed Natsu's heart a little more, although she could not work extensively on it, since it was such a delicate area to heal.

"What about his kidneys?" asked Gray.

Wendy looked up to him with regretful eyes. "I can't."

"It's like your leg," said Erza. "Wendy can't heal what's not even there. She can't regrow nerves or limbs or organs. She can only help the body to heal itself."

"I see," he muttered.

Wendy bit her lip and pressed her fingers together as she warily said, "I might be able to heal his heart with enough time, and if he rests it more. I've been reading books on cardiology. I think I understand what is wrong now, so I'm going to focus on that. It'll take a few months—"

"You can heal his heart?" Gray shouted in excitement.

"Maybe?" she said sheepishly. "I'll do my best."

Gray grabbed her so suddenly, she squawked, and he hugged her as he spun around. "You're the greatest, Wendy!"

Her eyes went dizzy. "N-no … Gray … sick…"

"Oh! Sorry." He set her down, but Wendy's motion sickness had already hit her in full force.

"Che! Idiot," said Carla. She transformed into her human shape and held Wendy by the shoulders. "Let's get you to the cafeteria for something to drink before you vomit."

"S-sorry," Wendy mumbled, looking green in the face as she left.

Gray instead turned to Erza, still full of enthusiasm. "Did you hear that? Wendy can heal his heart."

"She's been working hard on this. See, with time, something will happen."

"Maybe with time, she'll be able to heal his kidneys."

Erza flinched and looked aside. "Y-yes … maybe." She sighed and let her gaze fall upon Natsu's sleeping face. "We have to keep hope. No matter how things must be in the present, hope lies in the future. How are your wounds, by the way?"

"Healed. The shoulder wasn't too bad to begin with. I planned to ask about donating blood, but it's a small hospital. The person who does that comes in after lunch."

"I see. Hopefully, Lucy finds out about transferring him to Magnolia, although I was talking to the head doctor and he recommended a hospital in Crocus, at least for the next part of the procedure."

"Next part?" asked Gray.

"It took us two weeks of surgeries before you were well enough to regain consciousness. Natsu will need a rather serious operation for the issue with his kidneys before Wendy can undo the sleeping spell. There's a nephrologist in Crocus who is the best in the kingdom."

"A kidney doctor? I see. I guess that makes sense. I should make sure to donate a lot of blood in preparation. What are they planning to do…?"

His question trailed off as a nurse entered with a light knock. "I'm sorry, the little girl with purple hair is one of yours, right? She began to vomit down the hall."

"Oh geez! Gray, I'll be back. I'm going to take Wendy to the hotel."

"I'll be here," he said in a cheerful voice. After they were gone he looked down to Natsu. "Did you hear that, sleeping beauty? Wendy can heal your heart. Sheesh, that was still a really stupid thing to do."

Over the next few hours, Gray talked to Natsu, although Wendy had said her spell was a deep sleep, not a coma, so Natsu could not hear him. Still, Gray needed to talk. He apologized for everything, for not realizing Natsu sacrificed so much, for running away from Natsu's feelings, for dating Juvia just to escape his own emotions, and for not being strong enough.

He realized, this must have been how it was like for Natsu when it was himself in the hospital, hooked to machines just to survive. However, back then, they were not yet in love. He easily saw how this sort of pain and fear had cultivated those initial feelings of love in Natsu. Any uncertainty Gray had about their relationship vanished with this tragedy.

"I'm gonna take you on the best date ever when you wake up," he told Natsu's sleeping body. "We'll go up into the mountains somewhere, go hunting, catch something really delicious, and then you can roast it over your fire. You'd like that. Then maybe a cabin in the woods, a nice fireplace, maybe … m-maybe we can … you know…"

He blushed. Was it really just two days ago that they made love for the first time? They had such a slow courtship, with Gray hesitating every step of the way. It took them this long just to feel comfortable with their bodies.

"I love you, Natsu," he whispered. Tears again came to his already weary eyes, and he buried them into Natsu's bedsheets. "Shit, I love you so much, it hurts. Dammit!"

He remembered the magical terror of that cave, his worst fear: being left alone, being abandoned.

Now, that fear was a possibility.

"You better not die, you bastard," he gnashed. "Don't you dare! If you abandon me, I will beat your soul into hell."

Although he said that jokingly, the pain was still sharp. He still had two memories in his head: in one, Natsu saved him on that dreadful fight; in the other, Natsu abandoned him to die. He knew which one was the correct memory, but that did not make the other memory any less terrifying.

"We need to keep fighting together. We need to keep going on adventures, doing reckless, stupid things." He held Natsu's hand and felt the unnatural chill of his ailing body. "You gotta pull through, and I know you can. I need you with me, Natsu. I wouldn't want to keep doing this without you. I want you there with me, all the time." He looked down at the hand and traced over each bruised knuckle. "I want you with me … forever."

He realized what he had just said, and a chill shivered over him. Stunned by the confession, Gray looked up into Natsu's face with his mouth dropped.

"Oh shit," he whispered, feeling his turbulent emotions suddenly solidifying under one certainty. "Natsu … I think … I want to…"

"It's a shame about that wizard."

Gray yanked his hand back and sat up stiffly. Two nurses were walking by in the hallway carrying coffees. Were they talking about Natsu, or Wendy?

"The one they brought in yesterday? I wasn't there."

Definitely, they meant Natsu. Gray leaned his head over to hear better.

"Yeah, he was totally frozen. It's the only thing that kept him alive, to be honest, but those wounds! He'll be on machines for the rest of his life."

"What?" Gray whispered. They were wrong … right? Natsu just needed a surgery.

"I saw that guy myself some time back, fighting in the Grand Magic Games. He was crazy strong, although he didn't fight in the finale. It's a shame a wizard that powerful and famous will never fight again."

Gray stood up so fast, his chair toppled backward. He stormed out of the hospital room and after the two nurses, shouting at them, "What do you mean?"

They looked back, startled that someone had overheard them. "Well, he has no kidneys. There's a specialist in Crocus who can implant a hemodialysis machine inside him, but a device like that means his body temperature can never rise too high. He's a fire user. He'd have to completely suppress his magic."

"Suppress his … wait, _what_?" he yelled. "No magic? Like, just for a while?"

The two nurses glanced at each other, then at him with looks of pity. "Without kidneys, the machine will need to be in there for the rest of his life."

"Rest of his … n-no. No!"

Not even magic? Gray had faced the possibility of life in a wheelchair, but at least he knew he could still use magic. Not even being able to use magic, the magic he inherited from Igneel, to _never_ be able to fight _ever_ again…

"That's _not_ going to happen."

Natsu gave up so much to save him. He donated blood, sat by his side, did everything he could to cheer Gray up, even almost sacrificed his life for Gray's sake. He had been ready to banish his own emotions when he thought it was something Gray did not like. He held back all through their relationship until Gray was ready for more. He had always put Gray first. In his final act of bravery, he got back up despite receiving fatal wounds to deliver the final blow to the enemy.

He owed Natsu so much. More than just his life. He owed absolutely _everything_ to him.

Gray's fist tightened, and a slight chill spread through the hospital hallway, enough to cool off the nurses' coffees. He looked up firmly at the two women. "We have the same blood type." He gulped hard, but his will was set. "I think I know how I can help him."

The nurses looked at each other in astonishment. "Sir, that's … too much. We weren't even going to ask."

"You don't need to. Of course I'd do it. It'd save him, right?"

"He'll survive just fine with the implant."

" _You don't know him!_ " A frosty cloud of rage swirled around Gray. " _Surviving_ and _living_ are two different things. You can be alive and yet feel like your life is over." Gray slammed his eyes shut as tears spilled over. "I know how that feels, and it's shit. I won't let Natsu go through a life that isn't truly _living_. He gave me my life back. The least I can do is make sure he can live out his life normally. And that means with fire, with fighting, with eating too much meat and getting into trouble for burning down the Fairy Tail banners again, everything that makes him _Natsu_. He deserves the chance to live with happiness."

That was what Happy said the previous night. Natsu did all that because he wanted Gray to live on in happiness. The least he could do was repay the favor.

' _It really is my turn to play the goddamn hero_.'

Gray lifted his chin, and his eyes glared hard at the nurses. "I will do _anything_ to bring him back to Fairy Tail. Just tell me what I need to do."

**Next Chapter: "Our Bond Will Never Be Broken"**


	56. Our Bond Will Never Be Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Another year and the world keeps turning._   
>  _No money could buy the lessons we're learning._   
>  _This family stands strong, to overcome it all,_   
>  _And we will never divide … the solid lines._   
>  _Be proud of the choice of taking this side,_   
>  _Living out our lives…._   
>  _Let them hear us, let it be heard._   
>  _Our bond will never be broken."_   
>  _― Bury Tomorrow, "Under the Sun"_

Daegan fell to his knees, panting hard and wincing in pain. A shadow draped over him, and as he looked up, scarlet hair burned against the sunlight.

"I surrender," he sighed.

A crowd around them cheered. A gauntlet-covered hand went down, and he gripped a surprisingly strong grasp. Erza yanked Daegan up, and although they had just battled with all of their might, she still had a smile at him.

"You fought hard," she said in admiration.

"It was a challenge not to switch to another sword. You, my lady, are the fiercest opponent I have ever faced. As promised, the armors will be returned to you."

"And as we agreed, you will join Crime Sorcière. As you seek the light, they are the best guides." She blushed slightly. "One of them in particular would like to meet the man who is nearly my equal."

"Nearly, but I have a ways to go," Daegan said with a respectful nod to her. "When I am free from my past sins, I will seek out Fairy Tail again. I would enjoy fighting by your side one day instead of facing off against you."

"I'd like that very much." Erza clasped him on the shoulder. "Stay with us for now." She glanced around at the rowdy crowd that had come to watch their duel. "I think the guild has come to like you."

"And I them," he said, also looking at the wild bunch. "They are loyal to one another without any coercion. I think that's something I've missed in my life. The Sons of Darkness were held together through blood bonds, fear, or fanaticism. Here, I just see … _friends_ ," he said, looking amazed, as if he had never known this sort of bond before.

"Friends who would go to any extreme for one another," Erza said with pride. She slapped his arm. "And now you've created at least one friend today."

His eyes widened, and then he laughed with a light blush, unable to look at her. "You honor me too much, Erza Scarlet."

"Stay a few days. I'll figure out how to contact Crime Sorcière. They're not an easy bunch to find." Her cheeks brightened a little again. "Give my regards to Jellal."

Daegan caught the way she said his name, and he sighed in understanding. "A boyfriend?"

"No. It's … _complicated_."

"Then just a _friend_ of yours seeking the light?"

"I think he discovered the path to light in his life," she mused. "He feels indebted to help others on their quests, now. I hope he'll help you."

"You have my thanks, Titania. I hope I will be able to bring Jellal back here to Fairy Tail with me one day. Perhaps we can both join your guild at that time when things are less _complicated_."

That made her blush even brighter. "That would be nice."

Just then, Lucy ran forward, with Happy flying side her. "Erza! We need to hurry. It's Natsu."

Erza sheathed her sword, and dread paled on her face. "What happened?"

* * *

Gray's head rested on a hard bed. He was used to the constant beep and hum of monitors now, and he could sleep through anything. After a week in this hospital, the noises no longer affected him. Even nurses coming in to change Natsu's bandages were something he could sleep through.

So he did not wake up when one of the monitors changed.

Natsu's face flinched. His eyes squinted tighter as he battled to regain consciousness. Then slowly, his eyelids rose. He felt like falling back to sleep, like hands were clutching him, dragging him into darkness, but he struggled against the heavy sinking feeling.

Where was he? It smelled weird, and yet familiar.

No, he smelled Gray. That was what seemed familiar.

He lolled his heavy head over and saw black hair resting on his bed. A hospital, by the looks of things, and Gray was by his bedside, holding Natsu's hand in his sleep.

Well, this was reminiscent.

He had been fighting. They won, or he thought they did. And then…

Pain in his chest. That was right. He had felt his heart spasming, and then nothing. How long ago was that?

"Mmm … part of me…" Gray mumbled something unintelligible in his sleep.

Natsu wanted to close his eyes and fall back into nothingness, but he wanted to see Gray. He squeezed the cold hand clinging to his fingers. Gray jolted up with a snore and blinked his eyes.

"Natsu?"

He managed a weak smile. "Hey, sleeping beauty."

Gray bolted forward and wrapped his arms around Natsu. "How are you awake? Oh God, are you okay?"

"I hurt," he said, realizing he was aching and stiff. "I'm okay, I guess. Where are we?"

"A hospital in Crocus."

"Way out there?"

"It was for a surgery."

"What?" Natsu cried out. "Ow, ow … okay, surgery. I … I was injured," he recalled. "That Mallo-whatever guy. He hit me with something. We won, right?" he asked, more concerned about that.

"Yeah, we won. He's dead."

"Oh." Natsu dropped his eyes in regret.

"No, it was the only way. He was out to kill both of us. We were both injured." Gray yawned out the last of his sleepiness and stretched, but he paused in pain.

"You okay?" Natsu asked right away.

"Don't worry about it. I got healed, but you … it was bad," he muttered. "Both kidneys were taken out."

Natsu blinked in shock, almost like those words made no sense. ' _Both kidneys? What?_ ' He looked off as his mind worked through that bit of news. He hurt everywhere, but now he realized most of the pain was in his gut area. He recalled getting hit, the pain, the blood, cauterizing the wound so he could keep fighting. Had it really been that bad?

"I should be dead," he muttered.

Gray smiled weakly. "You technically were for almost an hour. I froze you, extended your life a bit."

"But … no kidneys…"

"You have one now."

"… Whuh?"

He realized Gray was more pale than usual, and the recovery bed next to him was rumpled. Gray had stripped like usual, but Natsu saw a hospital gown thrown to the side, not regular clothes. He had a bandage around his waist. Natsu gasped as the truth dawned on him.

"Gray! You … you didn't—"

"I thought to myself, 'Y'know what? We're born with two kidneys. Now really, why do we need two? We can function just fine with one.' I'll have to be careful not to get diabetes later on, but that's not until I'm old. Right now…" He squeezed Natsu's hand, and his face looked so happy with relief. "You needed one, and I had two. Of course I'm going to share."

Natsu's eyes watered over. "Gray … no."

"By the way." He suddenly smacked Natsu hard over the head.

He cringed down and rubbed out the pain. "Ow! What the hell!"

"That's for not telling me about how my leg got healed, you bastard. We're dating. Hell, we've had _sex_ , and you still hid the truth from me. You idiotic flame-brain!" He hit him again. "Tell me these things."

Natsu rubbed out his head. "I was trying to tell you since yesterday … or however many days it's been."

"It's been _ages_ , and I've been angry at you this whole time. You're supposed to tell people stuff like that right away, not lie to them and keep it secret. I said some horrible things to you back then, and you told everyone to keep quiet about how you healed me. Did you think you were being brave, that you'd suffer alone? You didn't! You made Erza, Happy, and Lucy suffer, too. All because you're a stupid—" He hit Natsu on the head again. "—stubborn—" He whacked him over the ears. "—flaming asshole!"

Natsu shielded himself with both hands. "Hey, stop it!"

"Be glad you're a patient in a hospital or I really would kick your ass, and don't think I won't later. You are in for a serious beat-down when I recover."

Natsu smiled, glad to see Gray feeling so lively and not hating himself. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me until you wake up from the coma I'm gonna put you into after I'm done kicking your ass." Gray rubbed back Natsu's rumpled hair. It felt so soft in his fingers, and he had missed the gleam in those dark green eyes. "Idiot," he sighed wistfully. "I had to find out at a time like that, after you _died_ in my arms and they had to revive you. Going through that, thinking I might lose you…" The emotions nearly shattered him for a second, but he clenched his teeth to hold back. "…and then being told why your heart failed, that it's all my fault."

"It's not your fault. It was my choice."

"It was a damn _stupid_ choice!" he screamed. Then he cupped Natsu's cheeks tenderly and whispered, "But I think I understand why you made it."

Natsu leaned into Gray's soothing hands. "You still bothered to save me."

"Of course I did. I couldn't have lived with myself otherwise." A smile struggled to his face. "Even if you hadn't stupidly sacrificed yourself to heal me, even if I wasn't stupidly in love with you, I would have given you my kidney." He placed a hand onto Natsu's abdomen. "Now there will always be a piece of me inside you."

"Gray—" Natsu began to tear up and sputter. "Idiot!" He grabbed Gray, crushing him against his hot chest as his sobs burst out. "You're already in me. You're inside my heart, and I couldn't get you out even if I tried."

"That sounds so lame."

"Shut up! I'm being honest."

Gray hugged him and felt Natsu's chest shuddering in sobs. Yes, even if Natsu had not risked his life to save Gray, he still would have given everything in his ability to save the Dragon Slayer. It was the Fairy Tail way!

He leaned up and looked at Natsu, snotty nose and all. "I've been thinking a lot while you've been in here, and I realized … I want to always be with you." He reached out and pressed his hand against the Dragon Slayer's heart. "Always. For the rest of my life."

Natsu snuffled, and happily he nodded to the unspoken proposal. "Always."

"I'm serious. I'm … I'm trying to say … that is—"

"I know." Natsu chuckled happily as he dabbed tears away. "I accept."

Gray sighed in relief that he did not have to ask in some cliché manner. Natsu understood him a little too well. "Is … is it too soon? It's only been a few months, and it took us forever to—"

"If you're asking me, then you've been thinking about it a lot and decided you're ready," Natsu reasoned.

"Yeah, but—"

"Do you want to or not?"

Gray looked stunned by the question. "I do, but … but we haven't even been together for long—"

"Shut up and kiss me before you ruin it, idiot."

Gray cut off his protests. What was he doing? Over-thinking things again? That was what led them through so much grief in the past, him thinking too hard and not following his heart. He had thought about this major step over all these long days, sitting by Natsu's bedside, watching him clinging to life. Now, his heart knew what it wanted.

Natsu. Together. Forever.

They leaned forward and shared a tender kiss. Natsu's lips fluttered over Gray's as he whispered, "Be my mate forever."

Gray looked into his narrow, green eyes and felt flushed from the intensity in them. "Yeah," he said. Their foreheads rested together as days of fear and uncertainty melted away into relief and joy. "Forever." Then he whispered just for Natsu to hear, "I love you … flame-brain."

Natsu clutched gently into the raven hair and blushed to feel Gray's breath so close to his. "I love you, too … pervy stripper."

"Just don't ever leave me."

"Not a chance."

Gray began to lean in again, but Natsu suddenly pulled back, leaving Gray with his mouth partly open as he prepared for another kiss.

"Erza's coming."

That made Gray straighten up and hurry back to the other hospital bed. "Shit! If she knew I was out of bed again, she'll break my legs to stop me."

"She wouldn't go that far."

"That's what she said she would do after the last time she caught me sitting by your bed."

Natsu chuckled as he settled back on the pillows. "Were you sitting by my side a lot? How romantic of you," he said with a teasing smile. "You should rest, though. You went through surgery too, right?"

"Yeah, hurt like hell," Gray said, adjusting himself to look like he had simply been resting. "You better appreciate it."

Natsu reached down and touched his stomach. Somewhere in there, deep inside, was a piece of Gray. Gray's kidney was keeping him alive. Natsu glanced over and saw Gray pulling his hospital gown back on, covering up the bandages. Gray made it seem like it was no big deal, but still, he went that far to help Natsu, sacrificing an actually piece of his body, a vital organ.

Natsu loved him even deeper just for that.

Erza banged through the door, with Lucy, Wendy, and Mest behind her.

Mest looked confused. "I can't believe the Crocus hospital is shielded against people teleporting inside of it."

Wendy smiled up at him. "Thank you, Mest-san, for bringing us. I lost track of when Natsu's sleeping enchantment would wear off."

He smiled down at the girl and patted her head. "Of course I'd help out you, Wendy."

In her human shape, Carla grabbed his wrist. "Hands off, lolicon pervert."

"I wasn't doing anything!" he protested.

"Natsu!" Happy flew forward and slammed into his chest.

Lucy rushed up to his bed and pulled Happy back. "You can't do that, remember?"

Happy's eyes watered over. "I re- … remember," he said with a moist snuffle, and sobbed out, "I'm just so glad you're okay."

Natsu pulled Happy to his chest, where he hurt less. "Hey, Happy. It's okay now." That made the little Exceed sob even louder as he cuddled into his best friend.

Lucy patted Natsu's shoulder. "How do you feel? Wendy can put you to sleep again if there's still pain."

"No, I'm fine," he assured, stroking Happy's head. "I'm hungry."

She folded her arms in a pout. "You really scared us, you know."

Happy let out a wailing cry to show just how scared he had been that whole week.

Erza walked up to Gray's bed, and their eyes held each other's gaze for what felt like a long time.

"Does he know?" she asked quietly while Lucy berated Natsu about being reckless and Happy sobbed with no restraint.

Gray nodded. "It's all fine."

"It's not. You know what the doctor warned."

Natsu turned away from Lucy and hushed Happy. "Warned? What? What's wrong with Gray?"

Erza sighed, realizing she really would have to explain things. "It's not just Gray. It's both of you." She turned over to Natsu. "Without kidneys, you could have survived, but only with a device inside you that's temperature-sensitive. In other words, no fire. We would have had to suppress your magic, permanently."

"What?" Natsu screamed.

"With one kidney, we don't need to do that, but things still aren't safe. You can't get punched in the stomach or back, or anywhere near where they put the kidney. If it gets damaged, you could die." She looked down at the ice wizard. "The same applies to Gray now, since he was the one who donated a kidney. His the one he has left gets any damage, it'll be bad for him."

Natsu looked over sharply at Gray. "Then … we can't fight?"

"We just can't get hit," said Gray.

"I'm having some armor designed for both of you," Erza told them. "It'll shield your torsos, but it should be flexible. Wearing that under a shirt will protect you."

Lucy muttered, "So long as Gray doesn't strip it off."

Wendy piped in, "I can also help to enchant your abdominal muscles. It should give more protection."

"Until you're healed and the armor is done," Erza went on, "no fighting. That includes guild brawls. Both of you absolutely cannot get punched in the back or stomach for the rest of your lives, got it?"

Natsu looked across the hospital room at Gray reclined on the bed. If he still had two kidneys, he would not have to deal with this sort of restriction. He was willing to be slightly handicapped as a fighter, so that he and Natsu would be on the same level.

Gray turned his head over to the hospital bed beside him. He saw that, if they were alone, Natsu would probably be crying and screaming at him for doing this. He had known the risks, though. It took a few days to get Natsu sent to Crocus for the surgery, and the whole time Lucy had been trying to talk him out of doing it. He knew he had to, though. Natsu was going to be on a restriction that would annoy him to the point of rage. Gray knew first-hand that living with a medical restriction sucked, but it was a little better when there was someone by his side.

He was going to be by Natsu's side, and they were going to get through this together. Once they healed, and with a bit of precaution, they would fight together again.

"We'll have to fight back-to-back," Gray told him. "Protect each other."

That seemed to soothe Natsu's emotions, and there was a slight blush on his cheeks that made Gray feel happy. "Back-to-back, huh? I guess an ice princess like you needs a dragon prince to protect her."

"Screw you, flame-brain. You need someone to cool your jets."

"Pwotect the poor widdle snowman," he said in baby talk.

"Did someone call for a knight in shining armor? Because we have a flaming dragon idiot to put on ice."

"Who're you calling an idiot, asshole?"

Mest scratched his head. "Are these two really dating?"

Wendy giggled. "I'm glad to see them both back to normal."

Natsu and Gray argued like they usually did, with Lucy trying to hold Natsu from getting out of bed, and Erza shoving Gray back down every time he tried to sit up. They did not stop the two from shouting, though. Deep inside, the others were immensely happy to see them like this, arguing, flinging insults, laughing about it later … it was how their team _should_ be.

They finally wore out, both with aching stomachs as they realized they really were not fully healed up yet. Wendy helped to ease the pain, and she worked a little more on Natsu's heart, explaining to him that she had figured out a way to heal the damage, but it would take time. Still, it could be healed.

As she focused, Natsu looked across the way to Gray, who was smiling at him. He looked so pale still, but Natsu knew this was something Gray had to do, no matter the cost to himself. Natsu knew that sort of feeling all too well.

His heart felt like it was on fire, and he knew it was not because of Wendy. He put a hand on his torso again. Somewhere in there, deep within his body…

Knowing a piece of Gray was inside him made him feel infinitely closer. Gray had made a huge sacrifice for him, just as Natsu nearly sacrificed his heart for Gray's sake. Rather than thinking that they were now even, Natsu saw it in a different way.

They now owed each other a life debt.

Maybe Gray could have survived without a leg, maybe Natsu could have survived without kidneys, but they would not have had the sort of life they craved. They had each made a sacrifice to ensure that they could live on in happiness.

And so they owed each other. They were wrapped up together in this, and their bond would never be broken.

**Next Chapter: "Inner Strength"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The title of this chapter comes from the[Gratsu AMV "Strong Enough" by Moonlessnight126](https://youtu.be/IPhRlrL8zeo), which was a premise for this entire fanfic. The final words on the screen at the end of the video are "Our bonds will never be broken."_
> 
> _One more chapter to go._


End file.
